At least I can still get an ERECTION!

Tagged #Just For Fun and #sex-education info with no… and I do mean NO accompanying dick selfies, that’s just plain disgusting and just so as you know I’ve never texted one in my life nor ever will. 

Regular readers to this WordPress just might remember a recent Birthday post, lol probably not, well one particular phrase has been ‘pricking’ my imagination ever since….. 

“But I can still achieve an erection so ‘phew’ life’s not all bad.”

……… so I guess that makes this evening’s a prompted response? Incidentally pictured below a cartoon lifted from the net……. made me smile, 🙂

A question for you, do dick jokes make you laugh? If the answer’s yes, I’ve 3 Male erection jokes lifted from the internet and hopefully you’ll find them as amusing as I did 🙂… though keep in mind I’ve the sense of humour of a 13year old, but then haven’t all men?

1: The Priest and the Nun

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation and after a long period of silence, the Priest spoke:

‘Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.’
‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’
‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’
‘Anything, Father.’
‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’
‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that would do any harm.’

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty:

‘Father, could I ask something of you?’
‘Yes, Sister?’
‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’
‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied, lifted his robe, and almost immediately he was sporting a huge erection.
‘Sister, you know that if I insert this in the right place, it can breath new life!’
‘Is that true Father?’
‘Yes, it is, Sister.’
‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … now stick it in our camel and let’s get the fuck out of here!’

2: A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and asks the man to bend over, he inserts a finger in his ass and begins the checkup.

After a minute or so the doctor says, “Don’t worry, it’s very normal to get an erection during this exam.”

A little confused, the man turned and replied, “But I don’t have an erection?”

Doctor. “Yeh I know… but I do!” 

3: Two guys standing on the end of a pier, peeing.

“Man that water’s cold.”

“Sure is — deep, too.”

All very tame reading, anyways they made me laugh and I did enjoy the Nun and Priest story.

I should just like to point out NOT my own Smart phone case

So before reading this evening’s posting, tell me honestly could you explain the biological mechanics to a guy achieving an erection? Well truthfully I couldn’t have, still at the age of 54 my erect penis is as hard as a rod of iron, and being serious fo a second I thank the Lord I’m still able to get it up……… omg I cannot imagine the mental anguish and emotional suffering erectile dysfunction brings to a marraige, I’m not fooling around, any medical condition is awful and truly upsetting fot those concerned 😦 .

What IS an Erection?
An erection starts in your brain. Something you saw, felt, smelled, heard, or thought makes your nerves send chemical messages to the blood vessels in your penis. The arteries relax and open up to let more blood flow in; at the same time, the veins close up. Once blood is in the penis, pressure traps it within the corpora cavernosa. Your penis expands and holds the erection. When the inflow of blood stops and the veins open, your penis becomes soft.

Having never used a cock ring in my life before, I’d suggest the point to this sex-aid will be trapping blood within the penis thereby holding his erection, and then I guess you can enjoy sexual relations to your heart’s content? Or until the kitty feels chafed and a little sore?

……. and again tell me honestly, did you know the biological definition of Ejaculation? I didn’t before this evening, I’d suggest we’ve either been on the receiving end of one, or have masturbated since being small children and just so as you know I jack off no more than three times a week, which according to the internet is about a guy’s average, the regularity dependant on whether our secretary at work flashes her right boob in my direction. I nearly ejaculated right in middle of a Group meeting for heaven’s sake!

What IS an Ejaculation?
When you’re aroused, tubes called the vas deferens squeeze sperm from the testes toward the back of the urethra. The seminal vesicles also release fluid there.
The urethra senses the sperm and fluid mixture. Then, at the height of sexual excitement, it sends signals to your spinal cord, which in turn sends signals to the muscles at the base of your penis. These contract powerfully and quickly, every 0.8 seconds. This forces the semen out of the penis as you climax.

Women reveal on Twitter, they’ve had a frigging enough of men sending dick pictures, they’re neither fun or funny, more to the point disgusting enough to make them gag, and the act of texting is both sinister and predatory…. like I said, just so as you know I’ve never sent one in my life.

So what of me? And regular readers to this WordPress will know I love talking about meee. Well seeing as you’re interested thank the Lord I’ve never had trouble achieving or maintaining an erection, btw 160mm is above average and we all know how size matters to us men, we’re very insecure when discussing our penis lengths, and like I’ve said before I’m a 5 minute ride to copulation kinda guy, any thoughts of maintaining my hardness for 2 hour marathon sex sessions are a complete anathema, perhaps I should buy a cock ring?

Nah I’ll give rubber devices a miss.

A jewel of inspirirational thought ‘hit me’ around about my Birthday, perhaps not the momentous awful day itself, anyways there I was standing beneath a hot steaming shower, as hot as I can physically bare, and I can picture myself now gazing down at my flaccid softened penis and saying to myself  ‘omg you are over 50 years old!’ And yes we men do refer to our dicks as third party, now that’s a fair old age for such an important organ, over half a century we’ve been joined together and lol like I keep reaffirming, thank God the old man still works!

If ‘he’ no longer ejaculated, I’d honestly be beside myself with grief after enjoying a lifetime’s orgasmic pleasure, and still to this day I’m impressed by the visual display, watching it harden before my incredulous gaze, and the speed of erection never fails to astonish me, quite literally watching blood engorge from 50mm-160mm in less than 3 seconds is nothing short of amazing, and they harden at most inopportune sometimes embarrassing times,  jeeze the tricks nature plays can be simply breathtaking.

Talking of the women I have slept with (and you can read many a true tale here on my blog) my erect penis has never reduced a woman to laughter, when dropping my boxers I always make a point of watching her face, hoping for a reaction, perhaps a shy lick of the lips soon followed by warm palms working their magic on my member, stoking fondling rolling dextrous fingers around the bellend, and from my experience women very nearly love my erection as much as I do. Incredibly I’ve never had to ask a woman to take me in her mouth but then does any man? Hmm that always appears to be a voluntary reaction on seeing a penis she likes… because believe me when I say size matters!

AND thankfully women cannot talk when their mouth’s are full! 😀

Haha that’s quite enough silliness for one blog post, I was about to wax lyrical on the joy’s of penetration but I’ll leave that ‘masterpiece’ for another day……. yep in conclusion I do still love my erect penis 😊.

………….and finally to the British comedian Billy Connolly’s thoughts on getting old, “never ever waste an erection.”

So what’s your preferred length of erection? Discuss 😉 .

A. Shepherdson 2020