(Regular readers to this WordPress will be aware I would never ever EVER! Make fun of a woman for a readers pleasure, no most definitely not. Yes at times I can be err a little out there 🙄, but just be aware I adore these mesmerisingly delectable creatures, and note I’ve spared the reader of actual photographs, 😊 and I’d guess you’ll be thankful for that!!)
This morning whilst scrolling through my WordPress Homepage an entertaining post titled What is the average length of a male penis? Captured my attention.
Like a ‘bolt of lightening’, ‘divine intervention’ have you will, I thought to myself (as you do) ‘fair’s fair’ ‘in for a penny in for a pound’ and ‘what’s goose for the goose is good for the gander’ (Wow that’s five metaphors in one sentence!!) Andrew why not write a piece researching that wonder of anatomical design the female human vagina……………… or more precisely her vulva, clitoris and YES the ever elusive G spot!
Even that literary Bible affectionately named ‘Cosmo’, uses the phrase ‘her ever-elusive G spot.’
Oh and please feel free to comment at any juncture.
Btw for any WordPress moderators reading, and I know for a fact these lovely people do read and quite right to. You’ll hopefully be aware my post is tastefully factual as well as written for fun, yes I’ll enjoy giving a lady oral sex but why not between two consenting 18+ adults.
So here’s my fun human vaginal facts for you, and I should add though I don’t profess to be an expert my dick has consensually slipped inside a fair few ladies in my lifetime, of which many an interesting tale you can read here!
So before more ado, and I veer completely off topic, let us begin!
I’ll be completely honest and admit ideas for writing this post have crossed my mind many times over the past year, never more so than two Saturdays ago whilst in bed with Diana (not her name), well cutting a long story short, Diana was laying on her back, (totally naked as was I btw), her two legs stretched wide as wide open could humanly possibly be, oh and where was Andrew appearing in this sexy scene?
Well believe me or not kneeling a little way forward between Diana’s parted thighs, with my two warm palms gently positioned either side of her intimacy, ever-so carefully mind, dividing her labia and displaying an exquisite vaginal opening in all it’s beautiful splendour. OMG vulvas are so incredibly beautiful to look at and I’ll tell you something for nothing, from my experience they are all totally unique in appearance, enough said.
With my head bowed as if praying to Diana’s gorgeous genitals, but 12″ away, I gazed into this pleasure cave of wonderment that’s arousing to both sexual partners, a penetrated wonderment later sampled that same afternoon 😉 me fitting inside Diana as snug as a glove! Yes I gazed in total awe, that is until Diana’s head lifted up displaying a rather perplexed raised eyebrows expression, a rolling eyed smiling smirk across her pretty face, a ‘look’ which all but said,
‘FFS Andrew! When you’re quite ready can we begin!!
So dutifully I lowered my head, my tongue moistened and prepared, the tip gently kissing against her baby soft wet skin and there contentedly I pleasured both Diana and myself for just under a quarter of an hour, in other words proceeded to lick for the next ten minutes plus!
Forget penetration I’m never more happier than when giving cunnilingus!
And here’s a thing, the tip of my tongue dancing around this pleasure garden like a skater encircling an ice rink, every so often my gliding tongue would provoke an involuntary response, her pelvis would wriggle, display an ever-so slight pelvic jolt as if receiving a mild electric shock? Then other times Diana would catch a breath, liberate an audible contented sigh from between those pretty lips, jeeze so many impromptu reactions that I’d think to myself,
‘Surely I’ve touched her sacred G spot? And orgasmically electrified her clitoris, haven’t I?’
And finally before I drift into God knows where, every so often I’d experience a hard sharp tiny stoned sensation against my tongue and muse to myself, ‘so WHAT an earth was that?’
All good fun, where was I?
Oh yes, ‘why not share several facts about the human Vagina.’
A rhetorical question, so when writing my penis size post which literary source did I turn to for research? Cosmopolitan magazine of course. Then ‘Cosmo’ again today for fascinating Vaginal articles written by very knowledgably attractive young women, if their photographic avatars are anything to go by! I guess if you’re a young pretty, witty and intelligent journalist then you’ll be having fun times in bed.
So with the help of ‘Cosmo’ here’s 21 facts you need to know about your Vagina, now I had contemplated emailing ‘Lane More’ and ‘Zoe Ruderman’ before writing but what’s the point, and God’s honest truth, I couldn’t spot any statement of copyright. Not to worry, here today are borrowed edited prompts with additions and retractions by meee!
You and your vagina have been through a lot together: Your first tampon, your first relationship, your first orgasm. But how much do you actually know about her? Well, it’s time to get reacquainted with your homegirl’s fun quirks. Let’s do this!
1. Apparently not every woman is born with a hymen, now who’d have thought, I’d always assumed this thin membrane partially covering the entrance to the vagina was a given, no according to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (no less) not every girl has one?
Incidentally if you’d enjoy reading more interesting hymen facts then read my post click here, apparently if a lady was born with one, playing sports as a child, using tampons, or random medical procedures can ‘tear’ it. So no not having a hymen doesn’t really mean you’ve never had sex before.
2. Labia come in all shapes and sizes, now I can attest to this interesting fact, Diana had the sweetest looking kitty you ever did see, while a lady named Sarah’s labia resembled the comb on a chicken cockerel’s head. Oh yes as I’ve written may times before, the labia majora, is a lip-like tissue surrounding the opening of her vagina, and can be as little as one quarter inch or up to two inches wide, yep every girl is as unique as a guy and isn’t that truly wonderful.
When I’m riding a lady missionary, or she’s giving me a heavenly cowgirl squeezing both boobs as they jiggle, lorry wheel nut resembling nipples poking out between gently clenched fingers, sex never ceases to amaze me as my shaft glides in and out as comfortably as a hand in a glove, enough pressure to sensitise yet snuggly so as not to hurt, oh and just tight enough to bring me to an ejaculate explosion.
Enough about meee 😀 and returning to ‘Cosmo’.
3. A vagina always has a little bit of yeast in it, now there’s a fact I knew very little about. Even if a lady doesn’t have a full-on yeast infection, her intimacy typically contains a little fungus it’s name I cannot be assed to Google! Only when her microbiome, or healthy array of vaginal bacteria gets disrupted by say ‘lubes’ or even antibiotics, this yeast can overgrow and cause symptoms like itching and burning which sounds truly awful.
4. The word vagina is only one part of her down-there region, however most people (including me) use the word vagina to refer to everything between her legs. But technically, the term only describes the narrow canal that runs inside a woman’s body from the vulva (the visible area that includes the inner and outer labia, clitoris, and perineum) to the cervix (the lower portion of the uterus).
5. The surrounding area often can be different colours, now this I CAN attest to, delicate faded pinks, subtle shades of burgundy and purple through to yes light browns, now there’s a unique rainbow for you! The more vibrant colours more noticeable on fair skinned ladies and a more shocking bubblegum pink contrasted alongside her inner thighs of milk white skin. Again according to ‘Cosmo’, ‘many light-skinned women have brown or purplish labia, while a darker-skinned woman can have a lighter vulva.’
6. Vaginal walls are pleated and btw quite unnoticeable as I gently slide inside. Usually the walls of the vagina lie compressed against each other, but the sides can separate and widen, opening the way an umbrella opens? Surprisingly, I did once read a vagina lengthens considerably during sex swelling up to two inches wide, and of course widening even wider to allow a baby to pass through it.
😮 Holy mother of God! (Appropriate phrase when used in context), I cannot begin to imagine how painful giving birth must be, a baby pushed through such a small hole and by the sound of a woman’s screams, childbirth is pretty damned painful!
7. Lots of sex won’t stretch a Vaginal opening because the skin is incredibly elastic and will always return to its usual tightness after sex………….. now there’s evolution for you!
8. Apparently vaginas will shrink when encountering a dry spell, and similar to the penis myth big feet = big dick, sexual abstinence will not make her vagina tighter. While her vaginal muscles may be tense at first, penetration shouldn’t be painful however from reading the odd blog post or two over the past year, I sadly know this isn’t always true.
9. A lady can strengthen her vagina similar to any other human muscle. Pelvic floor muscles hold her vagina, uterus, rectum, and urethra in place which makes complete sense hence the media’s obsession with pelvic floor muscle workouts. When a pelvic floor is weak, similar to when pushing a human out during birth, holding in one’s pee can be harder (God know what that’s all about, but interesting facts all the same.)
However doing Kegels can strengthen those nether muscles surrounding her urethral and vaginal openings, clamp down as if stopping the flow of urine, and apparently holding for three seconds then relaxing for three seconds strengthens the outer reproductive system. Do 10 reps a day says ‘Cosmo’, working your way up to 10-second holds, does wonders for a woman’s sex life!
10. Vagina’s are teeming with bacteria with the most important bug ‘lactobacilli’, a strain that produces lactic acid and keeps bad microorganisms in check so it doesn’t develop an infection………. again without appearing flippant that sounds painful!
11. Vagina’s are self-cleaning (well there’s an interesting fact), discharging flushing out cells, excess water, and bacteria from her vaginal wall. And when showering underneath warm invigorating skin tingling sprinklings of water, a quick gentle swipe of mild, scent-free soap and water between the labial folds is all she needs.
And here’s me assuming all my adult life a woman lathers her kitty into a soapy mass, but no apparently a swipe of mild soap is all she requires.
12. There are two major causes of vaginal pain. ‘Vaginismus’ which causes the vaginal muscles to contract involuntarily, sometimes making it difficult or impossible to have sex, use tampons or even undergo a gynaecology exam, though is treatable via physical therapy or counseling. The second being ‘vulvodynia’ a stinging vulvic pain so sensitive and intense that direct touching is hard to bear and often diagnosed after examinations rule out other conditions, such as a bad yeast infection.
Antidepressants can often help lessen the pain.
13. Vaginal scents can differ throughout the month, tending to be acidic before her period and pungent afterward with a scent more noticeable post-workout, the reason being both a lady’s sweat glands also during sex where a degree of wetness or natural lubrication may be secreted therein. “Having a slight scent to your vagina is normal,” says a Dr. Boyle? “But when the odor becomes strong, unpleasant, or is accompanied with a unusual discharge, it’s time to see the doctor.”
14. Orgasms are good for you, now WE’RE talking! Having regular sex and orgasms can actually help reduce stress and anxiety, says this Dr. Boyle. “Orgasms increase estrogen production, which increases oxytocin release and reduces cortisol (the main stress hormone) production.” So if you’re experiencing depression or anxiety, many a physician suggests great orgasmic sex!
15. HOWEVER number 15 states too much sex can ‘throw it out of whack’? Too much action in a short period of time may leave her chafed or with a urinary tract infection. But not to worry ladies, fortunately, drinking extra fluids and peeing post-sex can keep a UTI at bay.
16. Vaginal discharge changes throughout her cycle. Though her vagina produces up to two teaspoons of thin, clearish discharge a day during ovulation, before her flow it’s creamier and thicker. “The change in your discharge during ovulation creates a hospitable environment for the sperm to travel up to the egg,” says know all Dr. Boyle. “If it ever itches, burns, smells foul, or looks like cottage cheese, see your gynaecologist”.
17. A lady’s vagina is not a black hole, apparently losing anything up there like a tampon is impossible since the cervix blocks off access. But if a tampon slips out of reach, she can fish it out while squatting and bearing down. If that doesn’t work, an expert can remove it quickly……………. hmm more information than I really needed to know 😀 .
Note: Do not put food near your vagina. The sugar can lead to an infection, why so? I haven’t the foggiest idea?
The clitoris. (Now were talking, again!)
18. Clits act like ‘boners’ when she’s turned on. “Arousal causes her clitoris to become engorged with blood and grow larger”, so says another expert Dr. Laurence Orbuch (why are they always men?) A director at Beth Israel Mount Sinai Hospital in New York City.
19. Her vagina can actually double in size, now I did actually know this for fact. “Women’s vaginas can vary in size and shape when they’re aroused”, so says Dr. Orbuch. “But thanks to a phenomenon called tenting, it’s totally possible for your vagina to double in size.” So I guess that means the upper two-thirds of her vagina expand, enabling sperm to move up into the cervix more easily.
Sperm? I clean forgot the whole point to this wonderful anatomical organ was to enable the fertilization of an egg, also the method of birthing a baby, and here’s is me assuming God made vaginas entirely for a my pleasure!
20. Apparently her clitoris is way more sensitive than a penis. “Maybe that seems obvious, but there are 8,000 sensory nerve endings in the clitoris, while the penis only has 4,000” says our Dr. Orbuch. So does this explain (in a round about way) why many a writer of romantic fiction tells us the clitoral orgasm is far more intense than a penis’s? Hmm I’m not convinced by that ‘so called fact’.
21. A lady’s vagina is like a fine wine? Oh yes, the normal vaginal pH for vaginas is 3.8 to 4.5 and the pH of most wines fall around 3.0 or 4.0, so yes perhaps kitty taste is the reason I experience such delicious pleasure from giving cunnilingus……….. ten minutes with Diana and the tip of my to tongue was truly numb.
So there you are many fun vaginal facts shared from me to you, along with 21 prompts courtesy of Cosmopolitan magazine 🙂 .
©A. Shepherdson and ‘Cosmo’.