Me (Andrew) aged 18 years

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This is me aged 18 a young fresh faced engineering apprentice, cheeky and smiling the photograph having been taken at work by my apprentice trainer, why an earth he was taking my photograph God only knows?…………… I’m wondering is he still with us? A great guy.

Big sigh, I gaze at this photo and think to myself ‘where an earth have those thirty four years gone?’ I look at my cheeky grin and wonder ‘which of my young friends am I looking across at?’ I can remember for certain feeling embarrassed and someone close by was making some sort of funny comment………. happy days I’m so pleased I discovered this photo as for a full head of hair I’m saying nothing!

I know it’s been a while but for the first time in many months I’m happy, not so depressed and feeling positive about life because Britain appears to be reopening for business, yesterday my Boss phoned to say I may be unfurloughed and return to work Monday Morning! Fingers crossed and there’ll be a posting from there for sure.

After ten weeks of legally enforceable home detention, only a single days exercise to purchase groceries from the Supermarket, perhaps the occasional illegal visit to my mother’s for a natter and shared cup of tea, yes due to unexpected political reasons Britain is rushing out of lockdown. You may be aware last weekend our Government completely trashed it’s corona virus health policy just so as to save one political advisor, the name of Dominic Cummings might ring a bell, all I can add is this very obnoxious arrogant Machiavellian civil servant MUST be deemed so important as to justify offending the entire nation and we really are angry. Never again will Johnson be able to call on the public to make sacrifices and follow his clear health instructions, with one lie all trust and compliance disappeared in the space of hours, so now we know, rules are made for us little people to follow yet are there to be broken by the ruling elite, but isn’t that the way it’s always been?

Military Generals strategize and plan their war campaigns, but it’s only the Privates who die in the trenches, time to move on, open schools and universities, get people back to work earning money and to be honest I’m not tooo disappointed, it’s all a question of expectations and in hindsight I’d never have expected Cummings to obey the Law anyway.

Google ‘Dominic Cummings broke the rules’ if you’re intrigued, then again I wouldn’t bother.

I’ll be completely honest, as I always am on this WordPress, the first thought crossing my mind after attaching this picture of my 18 year old self was err sex! Unsurprisingly my first hypothetical question to female (or lol male) readers is, if you met this guy way back in the day 1983/4 might you have slept with this young virgin? Lol don’t answer but just so as you know this pleasant anxious guy had many issues about his looks also low self esteem to such a point he never got laid until many years later, 123 ahhhh. What plays on my mind lol today and after many recent liaisons with older women, I’m feeling disheartened because I remember opportunities presented themselves on certain evenings out say no more, and occasional readers to this Blog might already be aware (they won’t so humour me) just might remember I hadn’t yet masturbated myself to orgasm still at age 18! I know unbelievable or what!

All I can add is we lived in different more innocent times, I’m the product of a school with appalling sex education policies because incredible as it may sound to some, I hadn’t yet worked out how to use my penis properly more’s the point like most people I guess I can’t say I was overly concerned. Yes I’d purchased a second hand copy of ‘Penthouse magazine’ from my friend ‘Paul Suker’, money and pornographic contraband exchanging hands one sports afternoon in the school gymnasium changing rooms, but and this still makes me angry today ( 😀 ) just imagine the years of pleasurable me time I’d missed out on? Am I unique or were many other girls and boys of the 70s equally as naïve?

Anyways back in the good old days and yes they were, sex was rarely spoken about and MOST DEFINITLEY content WASN’T as readily accessible as now……….. just imagine my 1980s TV had 3 Channels and one of those was the BBC and if ‘auntie Beeb’ ever made the cardinal sin of showing a pair of naked female breasts on screen, questions WOULD have been asked in The Houses of Parliament, I kid you not, ‘The Viewers and Listeners Society’ that powerful 1970’s self appointed moral compass of the nation would have cited obscenity laws and executive BBC heads might have rolled.

I’m of an older generation you see (I’m old) I’d yet to use a computer for the first time, the internet and www were the stuff of science fiction films and possibly a day dream eureka moment sparking Steve Jobs imagination, as of this very moment I could google ‘naked woman’, press return and well you get the idea, yes I’d kissed girls but as yet never consensually groped let alone sex. The photo above brings back so many returning memories, break times of listening to fellow apprentice dating tales (or bs stories who knows), secondhand lurid accounts of fingering girlfriends the evening before and yes young men spare few details in close company, hmm… I guess that’s how unfortunate young ladies garner a ‘bad’ reputation, then again I have a sense girls are NO different when chatting amongst friends.

Anyways moving on!

I discovered the above photograph whilst clearing out my spare room, thirty plus years have passed by for heavens sake, and gazing at my youthful cheeky grinned self again I can remember this moment snapped in time as if yesterday, in hindsight I don’t lol think I was such a bad looking young man, perhaps if I’d been a little more cavalier on our apprentice nights out together, not been as shy also blessed with the self confidence and silver tongues possessed by several colleagues, looking back I know I passed on opportunities (judge me), you don’t need reminding thoughts of sex cross a young mans imagination once every 3 minutes. Back in the day at breaktimes, we fifteen used to sit on a wall outside the apprentice training college and watch attractive young women walk past, and whether you ‘men hating lesbian feminists’ agree with me or not, these young women adored the admiring looks and good natured attention. Happy days.

Err not the posting I’d intended to write, but not to worry sooon I might be back at work which makes me very happy 🙂 . 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Holiday time is well and truly over

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Now I have to work from home the same as everyone else!

I had a severe reality check Wednesday afternoon, I’m not joking for effect because although lockdown this past 7 weeks has been a living hell, self isolating in my home for 23 hours each and every day being near intolerable, but if I’m honest with you dear readers, in some respects slipping into a routine of doing very little can be likened to a staycation. I’ll not lie waking of a morning at 9am beats my pre-pandemic 5.45am hands down, better still COVID restrictions mean I don’t have to queue at the bus top then endure a 1 hour commuter ride into Oxford, crammed like sardines in a tin rubbing shoulders with 50 other weary commuters. Yep lockdown does have its upside, I’m doing very little to keep my brain active and the Government pays my wages!

Oh yes returning to Wednesday’s afternoon!

Well first I receive a text saying my boss will arrive outside my home within minutes, also a reminder to socially distance at all times and we’d better get used to it because this is the new normality. Then just as I finished reading my text a Van pulls up outside my home, so I stepped out into the May sunshine to meet with my work boss, a guy I hadn’t seen for nearly 2 months and I think we both enjoyed the banter and conversation. Then he opened the rear doors to his Van and placed a selection of computer equipment between us on the pavement. 

As you can glean from my photograph of a newly assembled computer workstation, my employer has purchased new laptops, screens and peripherals so that we Technicians can work from home, yep a reality check that my 7 week holiday time is well and truly over. But having to work from home isn’t so bad, I’m emailing colleagues and I’ve sensed these past several weeks being isolated from work is taking a mental toll, is emotionally draining and beginning to affect my mental health. So after quickly Googling to find out the cost of all this Dell equipment I discovered the new laptop cost £1000 alone! And wow after switching on and downloading the required software I soon realised this laptop is a powerful amazing piece of tech………… shame it’ll have to be returned one day.

Now I have to draw on my reserves of self-discipline, get myself into a routine frame of mind and work, there’ll be no more sitting in my garden enjoying the warm sunshine on my face. But seeing my boss after such a long time was a reminder of how much I’m missing social interaction with my work colleagues, a reminder that when the sun’s out and the temperatures rise so do dress and skirt hemlines! Sigh, there’ll be no Female secretaries wearing transparent summer blouses or girly age 18+ students with exposed long legs, no cute young Researchers with shapely boobs clothed in loose fitting tee shirts, you know the ones where she leans forward and the viewer gets a flash of pink boobs, however not this year, 2020 will be a disappointment in so many different ways. 

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So back to work it is along with hundreds of other employees working from home, solitary independent individuals who’s only connection is by means of the internet, hmm I’m wondering post pandemic might this be the workplace of the future? 

A. Shepherdson 2020

My Toolbox, only trouble is it’s at Work!

‘Working for a living adds purpose to life and a reason to get out of bed every weekday morning’

After 6 weeks of lockdown (legally enforced home detention) I’m sooo mind numbingly bored, the day to day tedium of eating and sleeping, one daily walk, perhaps masturbating, and living on my own is draining me of all spirit and enthusiasm to live, I’m NOT necessarily complaining mind, because we’re all fed up with these COVID-19 restrictions, all upset by tragic heart wrenching News stories that test our emotional resilience, to such a point many of us no longer watch the horror and limit our exposure just so as to remain sane! 

If truth be told I’m missing my workplace, I long for the social interaction with colleagues, to see their friendly faces, listen to amusing tales and funny stories, share anecdotes and gossip about who’s alledgidly having an affair (I work in a large institution where gossip is everywhere!) I’m missing the comradery and banter nurtured over the many years we’ve worked together, I miss chatting about yesterday’s soccer matches, putting the world’s to rights, complaining about Management and yes social interaction with female secretaries or admiring (18+) shapely ‘girly’ students……. those f###ing filthy Chinese and their disgusting insanitary non existent food hygiene habits have a lot to answer for!

(Or was covid released from a Lab?)

Yes I’m increasingly frustrated but most of all I’m harbouring feelings of rage, angry at these disgusting b******* who’ve robbed good decent people of their paid occupations, changed lives forever, and tragically so many people have lost relatives before their natural time, such a needless waste of life and heartbreakingly avoidable……. And yes I’ll freely admit to having walked past Asians and felt like voicing my anger, giving them a piece of my mind, of course I don’t but I understand why these people are being racially abused, and yes I felt terribly sorry for the Nottingham Chinese lady who was doused with hot coffee by abusive van drivers, yes unfair and uncalled for, but I understand the reasons why.

Why? Because whatever happens after this pandemic is over our lives will never be the same as before, those experts telling you how life will change are lying because no one knows how this will end, but be sure of one thing IT will end!

As usual my stream of consciousness has strayed.

The reason for this posting was an excuse to share a short video my workbench, the reasons why I filmed easy to explain simply because I’d been ‘test driving’ my new smart phone camera……. but watching once again I miss my workbench terribly, between the hours of 7.30am-4.30pm I’ll use those hand tools throughout the day, I’ve sat at this bench 5 days a week for the past 15 years, I’m comfortable relaxed and at ease with the world when I’m making parts or putting kit together, I know my way around these tool chests so well, and lol rather sadly, I can instinctively choose the correct required tool to such a point you could blindfold me and I’ll find whatever you ask for.

I miss my toolboxes so much so it actually hurts, now I’m wondering if those 3 bananas are still there!

(Having said all OF that I can’t say as I miss my boss 😀 )

Photographs taken (by me) from within my place of work, technically I shouldn’t be publishing them but after carefully scanning I can’t see anything tooo incriminating.

So now I’m wondering post pandemic will I ever work again?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

My work colleague’s Sexy selfies!

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Not Lizzie’s actual selfie, but you get the idea

I KNOW a young lady who posts semi nude photos of herself on the internet, yep Lizzie (for the purposes of this post) shows scantily clad selfies of herself wearing colourful bikinis she’s gonna use on holiday…. and there’s more! You’ll hardly believe this true, but wow she also posts selfies wearing tasteful white lingerie… and you just don’t know how tempted I’ve been to post one…. all in the name of investigative journalism mind you!

However I’ve resisted temptation because posting on my blog is morally reprehensible, no just darn right wrong! Not forgetting revealing her identity could almost certainly get me the sack from work, infringe Copyrights on umpteen social media platforms, and most importantly of all might cause the young woman untold embarrassment.

That’s if she cares of course.

(I haven’t but jeeze I’ve been so tempted if only to prove a point…. honest!)

Let me expand this rather cautionary tale, perhaps it’ll interest you mums with daughters of your own? You see Lizzie works at the same place I do, and that’s all the detail I am going to divulge for obvious reasons, except she’s aged about twenty, an apprentice plumber (or perhaps not) by trade and a rather pretty young lady with I might add a cracking petite figure.

“Well Andrew that’s rather forward of you, isn’t it?”

Now this is where my tale gets really interesting, because a colleague happened across her Instagram account and btw not me! He’s never said how and I’ve never asked why, but I guess if you searched her name on Google, and she owns an Instagram account, then you WILL easily find her….. a cautionary tale indeed. 

Well cutting a short story shorter, the majority of Lizzie’s photos are of pets Grandparents and friends and surprisingly accessible to public viewing (though not all), but there’s more! To my guys astonishment, Lizzie shares full body length photos of herself, captured in her bedroom gazing at her reflection in a mirror with a mobile phone to hand, and yes there are photos of herself wearing bikinis, clubbing outfits and omg white lingerie!

I’m not ashamed to say we men have all viewed her Instagram, it’s been passed around the department like naughty schoolboys sharing porn images with their chums….. btw I’d like to strongly protest that I haven’t downloaded these images.

I haven’t, but here’s the point I could have screenshot her wearing ******* print bikinis, I’d guess some colleagues might have but she’s over 18, they’re public viewing so who’d care if they’re into that kind of thing… and unworried if the wife inspects their mobile phone! 😫

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Well if she were my daughter I’d be concerned

So my question is, does Lizzie suspect we’ve seen these revealing photos, you know wearing her bra and panties? There’s a thought, all I do know is sharing compromising photos on the internet has consequences, nosy guys find them, images get uploaded onto porn sites AND potentially you could see one posted onto a middle aged guy’s WordPress.

MY WP! 🤫 

Jeeze, now wouldn’t that have made for an entertaining read 😂 .

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Sandro’s Café

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A traditional English breakfast and yes tasting good as it looks 😀

Are you familiar with that British culinary tradition ‘the fried English Breakfast’? I’d suggest even if you live abroad you’ll have heard us non vegans may well start the day with a fried egg bacon and sausage, a side order of buttered slices of bread and a steaming hot mug of builder’s tea! Now be aware I don’t begin everyday eating this ‘fat laden’ potential heart attack, but if I’m day tripping in London (for example my visit to Trellick Tower) I will attempt to find a High Street Café such as Sandro’s in Notting Hill N. London.

……… and NO this post isn’t another themed Trellick Tower!

I prefer to travel light if I’m out and about on a weekend, a rucksack camera waterproof jacket and a little cash is all I require, well after several underground train rides earlier this November, I walked a short distance into the heart of Notting Hill and happened across Sandro’s pictured below. A traditional English cafeteria which has all but disappeared from our High Streets, they do survive and can be found in large Towns and Cities but more often than not these cafés have been replaced by that culinary cancer that IS McDonalds………………. you’ll never find me eating a ‘Big Mac’ in these God awful ‘restaurants’, identical neon eyesores you’ll see the length and breadth of Britain devoid of all character and tradition.

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Sandro’s Café, Notting Hill in North London

Yes I agree Sandro’s doesn’t appear the most upmarket looking establishment from the outside, though once inside, heat from cooking stoves warming the coldest customers walking in from ice cold November Streets, this ‘homely’ café with white Formica tables and London photos adorning its walls, has a welcoming ambiance befitting the average working man or woman.

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And I wonder is that Sandro himself preparing my breakfast behind his counter? No idea, lovely food though and ALL for a little over £5, which surprised even me knowing how expensive London is to live in these days! Burn every KFC and McDonalds to the ground that’s what I say, and let’s have a return to our traditional English cafeterias please 🙂 .

(I AM joking btw.)

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 My London Transport train ticket for the day, 09 NOV 19

Now I’m the first to admit I’m far from a particularly skilled photographer, but I’ll always have my small £8 eBay digital camera to hand (all the photos on this my WordPress are snapped by this internet bargain buy), and as well as taking photos of Brutalist 1970s Tower Blocks, I’m sharing pictures of London taken that same day………. not particularly noteworthy APART from I do enjoy looking at ‘naturalistic’ personal photographs, especially if taken by bloggers I follow from across the globe.

A London themed ‘photographic dump’ (a phrase the cool kids use) to follow.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

Trellick Tower, London 09/11/2019

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Picture by A. Shepherdson

Hi 🙂

Now be honest, you’re all busy people, do you really want to read a blah blah blah blog where I list the reasons I stopped posting? No of course not, just so as you know I’ve reignited enthusiasm, there’ll be no sex and silliness (that’s a lie) and I’ll be returning with several London themed ‘photo dumps’ (that’s a term the cool kids use), in other words that’s sharing photos I’ve taken to you and I.

Been a while, so what have I been doing? Worrying about Brexit for one (sooo upsettingly depressing), reading blogs written by the (many) middle aged women writers I follow, and for the purposes of today’s post and several to follow, I visited London today, walked the City’s streets (note I’m not a hooker!) and ‘snapped’ lots and lots of photographs.

Only trouble is I’m unsure if any of you lovely people remember me since three months ago, of course you lol don’t? But not to worry as I’ve always said to myself, if at least one person enjoys reading an always original post written by moi, then I’m a happy Andrew.

So why visit London? To see for myself a British architectural icon that is Trellick Tower situated close to the Borough of Notting Hill, and yes that is the ‘Notting Hill’ movie of the same name starring Hugh and Rene, also home to the world famous Carnival. Incidentally the short video below features this 1972 Tower Block built to satisfy Britain’s post war housing shortage, Trellick is now a Grade 2 listed building, a structure recognised by people the length and breadth of Britain with a very short film uploaded onto my YouTube Channel.

(Are you surprised a concrete block of flats has preserved status?)

I’ve never seen this Tower Block for myself before today, it’s an impressive building all the more notable because every major City has been demolishing these grey concrete monoliths, poorly constructed, hated by the residents and quite rightly considered a disastrous exercise to provide cheap social housing for the masses, many have been pulverised to rubble. Isn’t hindsight a wonderful thing, Tower Blocks became synonymous with all that is wrong with inner cities, magnets for drug taking, physical assaults, isolation, deprivation, poverty, devoid of human scale and with a complete absence of (yes) private gardens so loved by the British public, all in all an expensive social engineering project that went disastrously wrong!

HOWEVER with London’s housing shortage now at epidemic levels, gazing out the coach window as the city scape passed by, I noticed shiny modern examples are rising lol like a phoenix from the ashes, with I guess many a lesson learnt?……… I do hope so! Yes Tower blocks are disappearing, yet Trellick remains and what’s more it’s Grade 2 listed which means the City planners CANNOT pull it down. Now for a confusing dichotomy, I for one love this important building which surprises me when I hate concrete Blocks of Flats so! 😀 

So finally, do you see beauty in this building?

To be continued………………

A. Shepherdson 2019

English language rules, break them!!

No NO don’t leave me yet!! This post isn’t as dull as you’re possibly thinking 🙂 .

ppppppppppppppA recent blog Titled ‘English language rules and why they can/should/must be broken (sometimes)‘ captured my imagination.

The correct use of English language, where and when to apply correct grammar rules, increasingly fascinates because I’ve been ‘writing’ on WordPress for over a year now and who wouldn’t be! Though I’ll add one important caveat, the question ‘do I consider myself to be a ‘writer?’ Definitely sharpens the mind, :/ hmm jury’s still out on that one, however Holly once described me a ‘conversational writer’ which I quite like 🙂 .

Now putting to one side a fun pet tale, she elaborates on her current choice of reading Titled Dryer’s English ‘An utterly correct guide to clarity and style by Benjamin Dreyer.’ which is quite possibly my next Amazon.co.uk purchase, and quoting from her own words,

‘This man is my new-found hero. Basically he suggests we can, and should, break all the English grammar rules we have learned in school. Unless we can’t or shouldn’t.

Lol.

His writing style is so conversational, you’ll absolutely forget immediately that technically you’re reading a guide to English grammar, and he’s so funny. I was instantly captivated.’

NOW for me this is where our tale gets really interesting, apparently Benjamin Dreyer talks briefly about a challenge he recommends all writers take part in. For one whole week he suggests readers eliminate the following words from everything they write, omg talk about laying down a gauntlet!

(Queue an accompanying drum roll)

  • Rather
  • Really
  • Quite
  • In fact
  • Just
  • So
  • Pretty (not to describe something or someone, but to say ‘pretty tedious’)
  • Of course
  • Surely
  • That said
  • Actually

On the last one he recommends, “feel free to go the rest of your life without another actually”.

And you’ll guess exactly what I’m going to say next!

Well I read that list and thought to myself ‘Holy crap I’m a Serial offender, I regularly and repeatedly use every single word from that list and quite possibly almost certainly within all 195 posts on this my WordPress!’

I’m not joking for effect either and whilst I’m here I’ll add ‘Anyways’ to Benjie’s list, ‘anyways’ is my goto word for realigning returning a meandering train of thoughts ‘back on track’, without fail if my thread of consciousness has veered off topic the following paragraph will always begin with Anyways, perhaps you’ve noticed?

Anyways where was I? Oh yes my fascination with grammar rules, now I’ll share with you my one and only self editing rules, that before publishing this post I’ll check (then double check) I haven’t used the words ‘it’ and ‘it’s’ though I will use ‘its’. “Why so Andrew?” Well in my humble opinion the word it’ is an irritatingly non descript meaningless word, not tooo dissimilar to teenage girls and their addiction to the word ‘like’. Incidentally I have this theory that because girls converse far quicker than their brain’s are processing, the word ‘like’ is scattered here there and everywhere’ so allowing thought processes to catch up!……………. 🙂 In my opinion ‘like’ is a meaningless conversational fill-in word however absolutely adorable ❤ to listen to when you overhear teenage girls chatting.

And finally,

Here’s a ‘fabulous’ anecdote I happened across recently and apparently a TRUE story, anyways it (lol) made me laugh 😀 revealing how intelligent thinking stops an ignorant stupid person in his/her tracks.

Picture this. The phrase ‘NIGGER’S OUT’ is written in spray paint across a large expanse of virgin wall. 

Only later a sharp thinking passer-by adds their own brilliant observation: ‘NIGGER’S OUT (but he’ll return after his dinner)’.

Don’t you think that’s priceless insightful and an awesome reply?

(My apologies to Victoria for ‘woosing out’ on Chapter 14, and I know I owe Darnell a post sharing the reasons I don’t use writing Apps such as Grammarly………….. lol no one can say I don’t try to interact here, that’s half the fun don’t you think?)

A. Shepherdson 2019

“The day we stop looking, is the day we die”

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Lt. Col. Frank Slade (Al Pacino):“Tits. Hoo-hah! Big ones, little ones. Nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “Legs. I don’t care if they’re Greek columns, or second-hand Steinways, but what’s between them… passport to heaven.”

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Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “Women. What could you say? Who made ’em? God must’ve been a f#cking genius.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “When in doubt, f#ck.”

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Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “The day we stop looking, Charlie, is the day we die.”

Shortly after publishing my recent ’75 facts About meee’ post I began to wonder whether my WordPress adult themed content is appropriate for a man of my age? In other words I’ve suddenly become VERY self conscious! 

I’d suggest, and quite rightly so reader’s views will be divided. Now 😀 I’m NOT about to apologise because Argentinian ‘Paola’ (middle aged mom blogger) told me never apologise for your blog, not that I have anything to be at all ashamed or embarrassed about sharing my sexy tales, I consider them a fun read if yes a little OTT but I’m single and very discreet blah blah blah. Perhaps I’m tooo honest here, recklessly honest in my thoughts and opinions? HOWEVER what an earth is the point in taking life and this WordPress over seriously, age appropriate goes without saying! I’ve slept around yes though I adore women’s sexuality, beguiled by their personality as much as any guy, and respect women with a passion.

If you consider me tooo old to dream and write about sex then lol shame on you that’s just plain ageist, I recently overheard my mother talking to a friend out of what she thought was my ear shot. I wasn’t!!

They were discussing their recent evening theatre trip to watch the Play ‘Calendar Girls’, well apparently one of her age 70+ friends emptied her handbag by accident and out popped some electrical wiring? Well APPARENTLY there was much giggling amongst these older girls assuming their friend carried an electric powered sex aid in her handbag! Who knows if it was, I didn’t overhear thankfully but good on her if she err did!

Anyways “she who casts the first stone and all that” John c8v7 (though I doubt John was talking about sex”) should remember I’ve read many a sexy tale written by a middle aged female blogger that would make your hairs stand on end!

Today’s Title is a favourite movie quote spoken by Al Pacino to his friend ‘Charlie’ in one of my favourite Movies ‘Scent of a Woman’, it’ll warm the hearts of many middle aged man reminding him appreciating women’s sexuality is ok and what’s more healthy and acceptable…………… you should listen to the tales regaled by the middle aged men I work with knowing their wives are not listening!

If I hadn’t slept with 35 women then I lol wouldn’t be writing about it and that’s the last time I’ll ever share that fact.

Discuss.

Scent of a Woman (Rotten Tomatoes synopsis)

Driven by an extravagant, tour-de-force performance by Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman is the story of Frank Slade (Pacino), a blind, retired army colonel who hires Charlie Simms (Chris O’Donnell), a poor college student on the verge of expulsion, to take care of him over Thanksgiving weekend. At the beginning of the weekend, Frank takes Charlie to New York, where he reveals to the student that he intends to visit his family, have a few terrific meals, sleep with a beautiful woman and, finally, commit suicide. The film follows the mis-matched pair over the course of the weekend, as they learn about life through their series of adventures. Though the story is a little contrived and predictable, it pulls all the right strings, thanks to O’Donnell’s sympathetic supporting role and Pacino’s powerful lead performance, for which he won his first Academy Award.

GO ON SAY IT! “Yeh but Andrew you not Al Pacino”, yes but we can all dream a little can’t we? 😛

A. Shepherdson 2019

An open apology letter to women not wearing bras!

My first (and only) Reblog.

This post has been viewed more than any other on my WordPress, it’s also a (firm) favourite of mine and preludes my up and coming new post titled ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage’.

Btw women’s boobs are both a favourite and reoccurring theme of mine 😀 and always respectfully written. ❤

Blogging Thoughts Photos & Life

‘Strap’ yourselves in this is a LONG one! 😀

Early evening thoughts with MILD adult themes…………. honest and respectful as always (comment if you’ve had your fill of my female sexual observations and objectification of the female human animal’s body)………….. my imagination I fear is out of control 7 o’clock at night, I’m incorrigible, my hardness is excited and twitching hence I write because these posts are fun and keep me interested when WordPress feels a lonely place……… 123 ahhh 😀

Does anyone honestly think this photo below is offensive? 

public-braless-4A question for you, why is the female breast nipple such a big deal for a guy? And I’d agree with you ladies who say nipples shouldn’t be, after all they have one purpose in life to allow a nursing baby to latch onto the breast and drink mum’s milky goodness, big f#cking deal? Then babes grow into healthy toddlers…

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‘Join me on this journey’ into Women’s Bras

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I chose this photograph because She’s a fine looking woman 🙂

‘Not a lot of people know this’ (a Michael Caine quote), but according to WordPress Statistics each and every single week, no less than forty-six occasions throughout this May alone! One particular post written by me June 19 2018 has been viewed from right across the Globe, and studying said statistics as I’m prone to do whenever bored, I can also tell you ‘that post’ is also my most viewed EVER!!!

I’m truly grateful and genuinely humbled btw.

Now I’m neither bragging or showing off, certainly not lauding this my original piece of writing as a gem of modern literature, (f#ck no), in fact I’m rather surprised this one is the most popular of all 190! So after a protracted prolonged build up I can tell you Andrew’s most viewed post is:

‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

So there you, in some respects I’m unsurprised a bra post is number one because internet aficionados tell us 90% of internet traffic is sex themed, not to worry though I’m rather chuffed and why not.

Two reasons for this evening’s ‘Blog’. Several day ago the fabulous LA of wakingupthewrongsideof50 noticed a blogging phenomena I’d not really thought about until then, I’ll quote in her own words,

‘Bloggers that gave up quickly: I noticed a pattern among them. Almost every one of them used the phrase “Join me (us) on this journey”. I have now decided that those words are the bloggers kiss of death. If you write these words on your first blog you are not going to survive.

Why?

As I have not done a research study on this, I can only give you my humble (?) opinion. When you use the word “Join” you are specifically writing to an audience. You expect that people will listen. Bad expectation.’

LA’s Join Me on This Journey post has itself become very popular amongst blogging readers because as she goes on to say, ‘anyone who has written for WordPress knows you blog for yourself’, with all your heart and soul you want to be read, to have followers, to be liked, to be commented and replied to, however writing for an audience is not the reason you blog.

Sadly (and yes I genuinely mean sadly) if you set tooo higher expectations of yourself, write with the expectation hundreds of people will read, then I’m afraid this will only make you unhappy because apart from a lucky minority (who work very hard btw) fame and popularity will pass you by. 😦 A sad truth and only ONE of many reasons why you have to write for yourself, though take heart people will eventually read and follow your writing journey.

I said two reasons. I’ll come to said second in a Mo!

I wrote ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras’ (did I tell you this is my most viewed ever?) For no other reason than I had an absolute blast possibly because it’s the type of post that gets me sexually aroused. Anyways I blogged this many months ago and ever since publishing week by week people across the Globe people have viewed (finger’s crossed enjoyed), and if there is a moral to this story then it’s write for yourself, embrace the creative process and whatever transpires is a welcome bonus.

Oh yes reason number two for this evening’s post! Well I have written yet another bra themed tale featuring women’s boobs and cleavage, which in turn gave me the reason idea to reblog ‘An open apology……….’ and why not ablogfromtheuk is my very own WordPress.

Tomorrow: ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

Sunday: ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage.’

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Helen’s office window

🙂 A ‘penny for your thoughts’ dear Readers and NO this isn’t a sexual Post!

I’m curious to know if this photo below speaks to you? No SERIOUSLY, gaze at this woolly mammoth and I’d suggest after a moments thoughtful contemplation your emotional reaction will be similar to my own!! Well I’m hoping so, because my imagination struggles to appreciate this living breathing animal actually existed and isn’t a product of CGI science fiction.

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A relative of the modern Elephant, they went extinct 3000-10000 years ago.

So did you take a good long look at this majestic shaggy Beast? Imagined it roaming ice-age Siberia Tundra, or perhaps a similar furry specimen, with its small ears to limit heat loss in sub zero temperatures, following the route of the £1.5 billion A14 Cambridge to Huntingdon road improvement scheme.

Huh?

You may be unaware a pair of ‘British’ mammoths were discovered here in 2018, and who knows perhaps the last two remaining species alive before receding glaciers covering prehistoric England pushed them into extinction!

So what an earth is the point to this evening’s Post? Baring in mind I know absolutely ‘diddly-squat’ about palaeontology, other than a great many Dinosaur skeletons have been discovered around Oxfordshire these past 200 years.

maxresdefaultWoollyMammoth-Large

And yes, I’m genuinely mesmerised by these Googled digital images.

Several weeks ago my Workplace Human Resources Manager by the name of err Helen? (Her name befits my tale) ‘forwarded’ an email ordering me to visit and speak with her 9am Friday morning, nothing to worry about other than a general housekeeping chat and check up on how I’m feeling, lol a long story. 

Now comfortably seated within her office, a cup of steaming coffee positioned on the desk in front of me, I’m silently looking across at this 35year old slim woman with mousy brown hair, pleasant in appearance and busying herself looking through Andrew’s medical records forward to her by Occupational Health. And yes I’d be lying if a wicked thought hadn’t momentarily crossed my imagination, visions of Helen bent forward over her desk ‘skirt pulled up, knickers down’ me giving her kitty ‘a good seeing to’ from behind!

‘Doesn’t everyone daydream of sexual possibilities with their work colleagues?’

Where was I? Oh yes woolly mammoths!!

Feeling bored and day dreamy, I glanced sideways through Helen’s office window looking across buff stoned University Colleges and distant open fields of South Oxfordshire beyond, a truly magnificent view for one reason! The 8th Floor of our Department’s workplace is in fact the tallest building across the whole of Oxford City, a ‘skyscraper’ constructed for unknown reasons many an employee has wondered about over the past 50 years.

“How an earth did the original planning application ever get approved, when Oxford’s strict planning laws limit buildings to no more than three stories tall?” 

Visit the 8th Floor, and you’ll see unobstructed panoramic views of dreaming Spires, ‘buff coloured’ Colleges and immaculate pea green lawns enclosed within high walled Quadrangles…………… jeeze, some Council Official must have been drunk at his desk the day this 8 story planning application passed through his hands?

Not to worry, when you are summoned to HR by ‘mousy’ Helen the real joy is admiring stunning City views through her office window, and it was at this moment I found myself momentarily whisked back thousands of years in time, near unbelievable vistas and visions of woolly mammoth giant elephant like beasts roaming across icy cold windswept Tundra landscapes, and what’s even more incredible these thoughts weren’t the product of any far fetched science fiction! I had to near prick my skin reminding myself these magnificent beasts ACTUALLY LIVED quietly plodding along (as elephants do) thousand year old tracks across this same land, and that truly blows my mind!

Then catching me unawares! Helen looks up into my face ready to begin her Friday cosy catchup conversation and with that all dreams of woolly mammoths disappear to be replaced by Helen’s lovely smile 😀 .

©A. Shepherdson 2019

“In 15 or 20 years’ time the black man will have the whip hand over the white man.”

“We must be mad, literally mad, as a nation to be permitting the annual inflow of some 50,000 dependants, who are for the most part the material of the future growth of the immigrant-descended population. It is like watching a nation busily engaged in heaping up its own funeral pyre.”

(Title & extract taken from Enoch Powell’s speech 20th April 1968)

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POWELL FOR P.M!! (1960s graffiti)

Enoch Powell died one of most controversial figures to have graced British politics, I tell a lie, Powell is quite probably the most controversial Parliamentarian of the Twentieth Century, and now that we’re one fifth into the Twenty-first his foreboding prophesies ring truer year after year, thus reinforcing him as the most divisive British politician of modern times after an iconic powerful speech he delivered 20th April 1968.

Here’s a question, how many truly memorable speeches can you remember off the top of your head? Martin Luther King’s “We have a dream” will go down as the greatest political speech ever spoken by a human being for it’s sheer oratory brilliance, a powerful indictment of American race relations and so much more. A personal favourite of mine is John F. Kennedy’s “Ask not what your Country can do for you, but what you can do for your Country”, a Biblical ‘like’ lesson with a message that should resonate with every single one of us and still to this day a truly brilliant speech I’ll never ever tire of listening to.

I struggle to grasp the descriptive adjectives to justify my claim Enoch Powell’s ‘Rivers Of Blood’ is the greatest and most infamous speech ever made by a British Politician, perhaps you’ve never heard of his name or the controversial divisive oratory of which I speak, watch the video below and bare in mind Powell preached these words at a time British race relations were at their most cancerous, and still to this day you will hear people on the Street say:

“Enoch was right!”

If you ever wished to understand how and why Brexit came to pass, a tragic humiliation of epic proportions which will blight my Country for decades to come, then go no further than ‘Rivers Of Blood’, 51 years on I will visit a Polling Station for the first time since Brexit, pencil a cross on a ballot paper, cast my democratic vote and still to this moment I have NO idea who I’ll vote for.

The choice is stark, a dilemma with horrendous destructive consequences and a no win Catch-22! Vote Brexit and migrant workers may well stop entering Britain (optomistic) yet at the same time face crippling economic penalties inflicted by a vengeful EU, vote Remain and East Europeans will continue flooding Britain by their hundreds of thousands each and every year.

We’re f#cked either way! The only choice is through which orifice? 😀

(I’ll add one IMPORTANT caveat, Powell was no Donald Trump.)

Read the text of Powell’s 1968 earthshattering racially divisive speech (below) and then tell me if he was a racist as the do-gooders once suggested, or a prophet and visionary who attempted to warn the British Government of impending doom, but note I don’t say warn the British people. 

Shortly after Powell’s speech polling figures showed 88% of the population agreed with him, honest decent hardworking people, but of course I cannot share such opinions without being branded a white supremacist, and yet there lies the problem, ever since the end of WW2 people have allowed emotion to rule their heads, forgetting a regulated firm and fair immigration policy is in the Nation’s best interest and not the same as hating black people, we’ve confused and blurred racism and immigration as one and the same, I’d suggest if earlier generations heeded Powell’s lessons the idea of a Brexit referendum would be little more than a frighteningly bad dream. Agreed? 

Below the full text of Enoch Powell’s so-called ‘Rivers of Blood’ speech, which was delivered to a Conservative Association meeting in Birmingham on April 20 1968

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‘Fun facts’ about the human female Vagina

(Regular readers to this WordPress will be aware I would never ever EVER! Make fun of a woman for a readers pleasure, no most definitely not. Yes at times I can be err a little out there 🙄, but just be aware I adore these mesmerisingly delectable creatures, and note I’ve spared the reader of actual photographs, 😊 and I’d guess you’ll be thankful for that!!) 

In The Female Reproductive System What Is The Clitoris Woman Reproductive Part In The Female Reproductive System What Is
Copyright ‘McGraw and Hill’

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Schoolteacher ‘Crushes’

File this under happy childhood memories, my first true love 🙂 .

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And NO Miss Steer didn’t resemble this cartoon school teacher, a great image though!

A thought just crossed my mind, I’d guess I’m not only person to have fallen in love with their school teacher, no love is tooo emotive a word, sexual infatuation fits better or is experiencing strong feelings towards an adult every child’s first real sexual awakening, a young teenager’s rights of passage have you will?

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Missionary (& NSFW)

I guess the truly intriguing side to WordPress is musing ‘I wonder who reads my blog?’ Hmm interesting, so previously in a blog post I’ve told you the length of an average erect penis, you may be aware Karina is a lady I meet inside Motels, and btw not even I know what the following post will be about?

(A Charles Dickens themed London trip follows sooon!)

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I was reminiscing the other day, recalling happy memories, enjoying thinking about the women I’ve slept with throughout my adult life, now without breaking confidences my Virginity was taken many years ago by a lovely lady named err let’s call her Jemma, yes not her name but Jemma suits her. Now I’ll refrain from letting you in on that wonderful afternoon because I’ve already written a post sharing that fabulous experience, very emotional and possibly the best afternoon of my life…………. btw this tale will appear on a blog near you sooon! 

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Sexy, a fashion nightmare for the older woman?

Just for fun 🙂 .
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“Mutton dressed up as Lamb” Is a British way of describing a (deluded) older woman who is dressed in a style more suited to a younger woman, also slightly derogatory because she’s deliberately trying to appear young.

Or you may prefer Bernadette Matthews definition at mumsnet.com: 

‘Too much leg and cleavage on show at the same time!’

Regular readers to this WP will be aware I love interacting with other writers, well this evening I’ve a response post prompted by the excellent LA and her thought provoking blog Forever21, I urge you to follow she’s possibly my favourite blogger, slightly irreverent, ladles of honest American attitude and oozing oodles of common sense,.

‘I dressed in an outfit that I thought was good for the event and that I felt confident in. And basically, this is how you should feel when you walk out the door. A friend saw a picture of me and said that I looked stylish and sexy, which of course was my exact goal. But then I started to wonder- was I starting to push it?

So, while we were on line, I said this to my friend, who is in excellent shape and looks great for any age, and she simply shook her head and said “Yeah. I know. When do we actually look good for our age, and when do we start to look ridiculous.”

Ok I agree, LA probably didn’t have the derogatory and unfair ‘label’ mutton dressed up as lamb’ at the point of her writing ‘when do we look good for our age and when do we start to look ridiculous’, but hey they make interesting bedfellows don’t you think?

I’d suggest the what to wear dilemma hardly ever crosses a guy’s mind, I’m age 50 and feel completely comfortable wearing charcoal black jeans matched with a light blue Oxford long sleeved shirt, perhaps a sweater and smart shoes, all very casual, a look I could wear at work or down the pub of a weekend and I’d guess no one gives me a second glance………. HOWEVER I have no doubt what NOT to wear is a real headache for the older woman!

So as I’m at a lose end I did a little on-line surfing all in the name of research, oh and because I’m a guy who knows sweet FA about fashion! Then I happened across this jewel of Debenham’s research which said,

‘When it comes to fashion, nine in ten women aim to dress younger than their years. And more than half say they won’t start ‘dressing their age’ until they are at least 70’, further ‘Over half said they began to dress younger in their 30s and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-40s’.

Now LA’s a lady who loves lists and these Top 10 Items You’re Too Old to Wear, read as brilliant advice, and remember I know sweet FA about fashion, clueless, however I’m as quick to judge and point my finger as every other guy so why not give an opinion! Hmm, and I wouldn’t disagree with their 10 ‘fashion minefields’,

  1. Message tee shirts
  2. Too trendy denim
  3. Costume shoes
  4. Micro mini skirts
  5. Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage/Visible or coloured bra straps.
  6. White, Ribbed Cotton Tank Tops
  7. Hair gadgets
  8. Oversized decorated Hobo Bags
  9. Cheap unflattering underwear
  10. Loud accessories

“But trying too hard only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young.”

As I’ve said before I’m a keen observer of the human female mammal, read my posts, and I would suggest the true bananas skin, fashion fau-pa opportunity is sexiness, get it wrong wear a short a black leather skirt, heals inches too high, blouses too low cut are a recipe for unwanted attention from men, and disapproving looks from women worried about losing their man and I ain’t saying nothing about looking like a hooker!

Just avoid anything four inches or more above the knee and add tights to make a short skirt less risqué, say the experts. Or wear chic straight skirts, classy being the watchword, allowing you to show off some curves without making you look as though you’re pretending to be born after the Bill Clinton years!

It’s a worry but classy is the watch word, trouser jeans you can wear from the PTA meeting to a party when paired with the right top, stylish padded shoes with wider thicker heels and definitely avoid anything that shows excessive cleavage or visible coloured bra straps……….. or any underwear for that matter.

0818a65ff44362f28e79ebac376d6ec2I realise the older woman would never be caught dressed like this, whoever lol thought low-cut jeans and thongs was a good idea? But I guess the saying ‘you’re only young once applies!

Apparently the more mature lady ‘shouldn’t feel she needs to show it all off. Anything below the middle of your bustline has got to go,’ ‘A little goes a long way,” and no excessive ‘boobage’ past the age of 40, displaying too much sagging skin apparently is a no no, so go for a blouse underneath, unbutton a few buttons and you’re going to look sexy but classy’.

Having said all that, the summer of 2018 was one of Britain’s hottest, and I can recall as if yesterday sitting on the top deck of a bus, looking out the window and watching a woman age 65 if a day. Totally captivated I was, for this mature lady in her blue pencil skirt and restrained high heels wore a tight fitting tee shirt with, wait for it, no bra! And all I’ll add to that is she was a ‘big girl’ yet looked both classy and ravishing!

Way to go madam.

And now we arrive at number 9 ‘Cheap, Unflattering Underwear’ and I’ll profess to being an interested expert! As I’ve written before M&S tells us most women are not fitted properly, a woman’s breasts and body sags so I guess underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.

Having said all or that, our Group Secretary at work throughout Summer wears low cut print dresses displaying her ample assets, the only trouble is us Technicians are NOT listening to our lecturing Professor! Yep I agree, appropriate sexiness is where an older woman can look classy or yes ‘Mutton Dressed Up as Lamb’.

And finally advice from the experts.

“Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules, but what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless, this way, you’re going to look fabulous because the look is appropriate for you.”

A. Shepherdson 2019

How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

cartoon-ruler-006(Humour, NO photos)

2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

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(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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Fictional or non fictional this is a favourite story.

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Boutique Mannequins modelling underwear (Thursday)

(My apologies for not publishing my NSFW post yesterday, I went out for a lovely meal with three retirees I used to work with so I’ll post another time.)

Thursday 14th of February and of course Valentine’s Day, so if you’ve been following this week’s daily postings you’ll be aware the topic that weaves them all together (well hopefully) is women’s lingerie, jeeze even surprises me how my overactive imagination works sometimes. All good fun 🙂 .

Ok I know I’m a bit odd, stop nodding you’re not supposed to agree! And YES I did take those photographs above earlier this week, “why so Andrew?” Well today I’m asking myself, could a guy be prosecuted for indecent assault, you know if he was to ‘touch up’ a Department Store clothing mannequin when ‘she’s’ wearing sexy underwear? 

No I didn’t but I can’t say I wasn’t tempted!

All this past week after alighting from my commuter bus in the centre of Oxford, I pass these three on the way to work, but because our early mornings are still dark dazzling halogen spotlights almost bring them alive, in fact on the first morning they caught my eye and I had to do a ‘double-take’ they are that realistic……………. I should add being as it’s nearly Valentines Day there are many more displays similar to this, AND what’s with ALL these plastic models being six feet tall, slender and size 8 figures, what’s wrong with size 14 women gifted with child bearing hips and 34DD busts?

Good question no?

So begs the question, in the minds of the window dressers who are they actually trying to appeal to? Is it men so as they’ll buy sweet nothings for their significant other? Or women so that they can wear something sexy to excite and turn their man on? Not forgetting those confused women in lesbian relationships…………… no NO when I say confused I mean they’re both buying for both themselves also their partners……….. phew that was close! And I dare not mention we have skirt wearing Transsexuals at my place of work.

(I’m saying absolutely nothing, be true unto yourself that’s what I say)

So now I’m wondering can a sexy lingerie wearing shop mannequin ever be considered indecent? I’m absolutely convinced many Muslim men will find those three ‘women’ pictured above offensive, recently London Underground had to remove posters of models wearing brassieres because questions had been asked, I’d guess there’d been a social media sh#t storm or women’s Groups had asked why women’s bodies were being sexually objectified?…………. Jeez goodness knows what feminists would make of some of the posts on this blog.

However readers should be aware by now I adore women and am also a feminist, heavens we even have female engineering apprentices at work and why not, the days of girls only doing sewing and cookery at school and boys doing metalwork are long gone, and as it should be. Being serious for a second, and note I have addressed this topic before, #MeToo has changed Britain for the better because I’ve noticed men take a great deal more care with their language opinions and banter when around women.

Where was I? Oh yes me earlier today standing in the entrance to Debenhams department store taking photographs, I double checked to see no one was watching but no doubt I was being watched by their CCTV cameras, and I’ve just had a thought that’ll be twice now! (long story) So no I didn’t touch these three tasty plastic models up but they didn’t half look sexy, I guess that answer’s my earlier question doesn’t it, that women’s lingerie is purchased for their partner’s enjoyment…………… yes?

Discuss 😀 .

Before I leave you, this’ll be the first Valentine’s Day in 58 years that my dad hasn’t purchased a loving card for my mum 😦 . Isn’t memory robbing dementia is a wicked medical condition, I doubt he has any comprehension of what being married actually means? I’d guess in his own little world mum is now just a person who is always around the house at his ‘beck and call’, all terribly sad.

Anyways just so as to redress any perceived sexist imbalance, there’s not this is just for fun, but if anyone is unhappy here’s a photo whether you be straight or gay.

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Now I’m not gay but he is pretty fit!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

“Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!” (True story Tuesday)

You should know me by now! I’m a fascinated observer of the female human mamal, anything wrong in that?

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So with this week’s blog topic in mind, daily posts themed around women’s lingerie, I’m going to raise the tone of this ‘blog’ and write a post about yes women’s underwear, a tale prompted by mistakenly finding myself on ‘Marks and Spencer’s’ floor devoted to women’s undergarments…….. if you’ve never heard of M&S all you need to understand is 70% of women buy their underwear here, with Oxford’s Branch having half a floor devoted solely to this most Holy of intimate garment, seriously a cavernous expanse of delicate lingerie hanging in aisles interspersed by the occasional size 8 mannequin, dolled up in err……….. well use your imagination please!

Whatever the age M&S is Britain’s go to knicker store.

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And yes that is ‘Camilla Windsor’ being shown around M&S’s lingerie department!

When one descends the escalator within Oxford’s Debenhams department store, from top floor down to level number three, a traveller aboard this slow travelling walkway will invariably pass by ladies with a thoughtful expression etched across their brow and holding up some delicate garment of lingerie to the light. She’s of course deeply concentrated wondering whether this bra or pair knickers will look good on her figure, does she like the colour and of course most importantly of all whether purchasing is worth the asking price? Perhaps contemplating trying it on before going home and buying it a third off from Amazon? 

Yes? No? Please don’t answer………… and do people do this? I mean use a store only to test goods out? I hope not, I’m now very conscious of trying to buy what I need on the High Street or Mall, because  disappearing Town centres are often the heart of a community and they do provide jobs.

As an aside, Jeff Bezos Amazon has a one trillion dollar turnover, to me that stinks of a great many City centre shops having to close and many many thousand of workers having lost their jobs, PLUS he pays very little tax instead funnelling British online purchases through offices in Luxembourg…………. frigging hell man, at least pay the taxes you owe!!

Where was I before sidestepping into an angry rant, oh yes women purchasing their underwear! Actually if I wasn’t a skilled engineer I’d like to work in a lingerie department just to stand and watch these err sexy goings on, in fact I’d work for free!! Just imagine handling these pretty pieces of cloth ALL day long, mind you I’d stop at any ideas of helping out in the bra fitting rooms, sorry but that’s just plain creepy!

Jeez my train of consciousness even takes me back sometimes!

Where was I? Riding escalators observing women buy their underwear, and no I don’t return straight up to the top floor so as I can watch these ladies on the return journey down again, jeeze that would be just plain creepy (again) hmm would be fun though, even pressing that emergency red button that stops accidents from happening, err hasn’t 😀 ever crossed my mind!

However walking through Marks and Spencer’s first floor lingerie department in Oxford UK, is a WHOLE lot more emotionally nerve-racking, truly, at this point you may be perhaps thinking ‘A. Shepherdson pray why are you looking at women’s underwear?’ No NO I don’t wear lingerie, no if you need to return an item purchased, in order to reach ‘Returns Exchanges and Refunds’ situated at the rear of Floor 1, you have to walk through yes this gigantic expanse full of women’s underwear, rows and rows of it! Slightly disconcerting actually brushing past lacy pink twinsets, a sight captured by the corner of my eye because I’m not looking.

M&S’s underwear department used to be on the ground floor, to be more exact in front of the entrance to the food hall, then one time I had to take an unwanted item back, made for Returns on first floor, and there facing me is a retail cathedral space dedicated to just lingerie, I actually froze my feet unable to walk! They’d gone and redesigned the interior of the shop hadn’t they! In a state of near panic I walked up to a young lady dressed in black with her back to me, reaching to hang up a garment or take it down and asked her,

“Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where the Return’s counter is?”

This brunette young woman turned around, as startled as I was and no older than sixteen, well I ask you how was I to know this tall girl was a mere teenager? Jeez we all make honest mistakes, well her cheeks blushed and she nervously answered,

“Sorry I don’t work here”, and then her eyes quickly darted sideways to look at someone now standing beside me, I also turned to this person now stalking its prey, ME a single guy speaking with her daughter, and who did I see? Yes a middle aged woman and by the look of her quite obviously the young girl’s mother, well you can tell can’t you! The mother slightly taken aback then burst out laughing before saying,

“She doesn’t work for Marks and Spencer’s” and btw now smiling,

So I quickly replied “Oh no! Sorry I mistook her for a salesperson?” The mother laughed again saying “no worries” and I quickly turned and made for an exit, talk about embarrassing! Anyways I returned to the Store hours later, asked an actual member of staff this time for directions, and yes they’d moved Returns to way behind those racks of hanging underwear.

Yes a misunderstanding all around, omg I’m closer to the end than the beginning, my heart cannot take mild shocks like it use to!

Hmm amuses me still how nervous I get walking through a ladies underwear department, do all men feel this way? I guess subconsciously I’ll think back to the women I’ve undressed or watched undress, and yes like I said earlier while in Debenhams, I am amused watching women perusing selecting touching and holding towards bright fluorescent lights their soon to be purchased delicates! 

Anyways not to worry they both had a laugh at my expense, the mother seemed to think the mistaken identity absolutely hilarious? And I can imagine the daughter saying later “Do I look like I’m dressed as a shop worker for heaven’s sake?” But jeez you do have to be careful asking customers questions inside underwear departments, don’t you? Or are we men becoming slightly paranoid #MeToo fallout and all.

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Now I’m aware Superman wears his shorts on the outside but do women wear knickers on top of a pair of leggings? Or were they dressed by a guy 😀 !!

(I’ve thought about this seemingly inconsequential tale many times, a completely absurd scenario but what always confuses me is why this mother burst out into uncontrollable laughter? Perhaps I looked more startled than I ever assumed, or is the reason little more complicated than a ‘mummy bear looking out for her offspring bear cub? Funny old day.) 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (with Googled photographs not my own)

 

 

 

 

FULL MOON – from my rear garden – 22/12/2018

This is my response to WordPress blogger author Laura (click here) and if you know me at all, I enjoy interacting with other bloggers 🙂 , all good fun!

“Here men from planet earth first set foot upon The moon. July 1969AD. We came in peace for all mankind” (Neil Armstrong)

Below you see a picture of the Moon I photographed yesterday evening, as you are all no doubt aware, December 22nd was the shortest day, and luckily for myself we in Oxford were gifted a wonderful bright Full Moon……………. if a little cloudy! Still to this day when I gaze up at the Moon I’m both emotionally and conceptually ‘blown away’ that man walked upon it’s surface………………. very near incredible but with my ❤ heart of hearts I believe!

So how did I capture this image? By holding my camera to the telescope eyepiece hence the peripheral black circular border……….. hmm I’m happy with it and definitely the ‘best of the rest 😀 .’ Incidentally the darker surface patches you see are named ‘seas’, as in Sea Of Tranquillity’ ‘Sea of Serenity’ ‘Sea Of Fertility’ etc.

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Full Moon December 22nd 2018, photograph taken by my eBay purchased digital camera looking directly through my telescope eyepiece. With-out Moon Filter (please feel free to copy if you wish).

Picture below reminds me I never painted my garden fence in 2018 😦 .

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My Skywatcher Refracting Optical Telescope pointing toward tonight’s Full Moon, picture taken from my back garden 22/12/2018

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Btw it’s neither raining or snowing, those white dots picked up by the camera are tiny dew droplets, the air was thick with mist and wispy clouds kept obscuring the Moon.

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Of all the photographs taken yesterday evening I think this is my favourite, a Moon Crater is clearly visible also a very much in focus edge to the Moon.

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Lens fitted with Moon Filter this time

Below more photos now see if you can spot the one’s taken without a fitted Moon Filter, and btw it’s not the length of your telescope that counts, the diameter of the first optic denotes the size of the celestial image.


And Finally, wonderful photographs taken by Apollo 11-17 astronauts standing upon the surface of the Moon. A little geeky information for you, Apollo astronauts had a fixed focus specially designed Hasselblad camera attached to their chest, to which 70mm film magazines were fitted each taking 165 frames, along with moon rocks the photos were the only objects to return and are now stored inside a refrigerated building in Texas. Several years ago the 70mm film was defrosted over 24 hours, rolled out and unfurled then digitally scanned. After wonderful scan shots had been taken they were rolled up again and back into freezer storage.

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Body image, Boob chat and Breast lumps

My earlier post Racist Britain rather depressed me, so I thought why not cheer myself up and write about women’s boobs, and as you know I love women’s boobs!

Oh dearie me how an earth am I going to try and explain this one away (however before reading remember I both respect women and adore their boobs) well all I can say is you will have your own opinions by the end! 🙂

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Did you know there’s a website teaching artists how to draw breasts? I know you didn’t but just goes to show you’ll discover anything on the internet if you lol look hard enough!

I could dedicate a whole blog to the human female breast, no I’m not joking I could honestly! But I would NEVER post photographs on the internet neither would I ever make fun of a woman for a reader’s amusement, most definitely not, I would be positive and respectful because I am a decent well mannered guy who adores women, in fact I’m in awe of these delicious delectable gorgeous creatures I don’t understand them mind you and there lies my insecurities. 

Btw just so as you know I am a feminist.

My breast blog (hypothetical) would be informative positive, neither salacious or kinky but yes I could be guilty of sexualising breasts however anything I’d write would be body image positive and written all because I’m obsessed fascinated by a lady’s breasts, :/ hmm perhaps a little tooo much? 

(Everyone these days seems to suffer from questionable personality traits, I have AvPD but does a disorder exist for breast obsessions if so I have a feeling I’m afflicted, seriously!)

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Note I’m NOT being disrespectful to women, I’d guess it’s essential (male) artists understand how to draw breasts properly. 

You’ll be relieved to read I won’t be writing a breast themed blog!

Jeeze that’s a lengthy introduction to my tale AND I haven’t started yet.

I’ve enjoyed naked sexual fun and games with many women in my lifetime, ages range from 19 to 48, (though Karina told fibs, I’m sure she’s 55 years but a gent never asks does he!) And as you’d imagine all twenty-five ladies were gifted with very different breasts, large or small, pert or saggy, high and round, firm or squidgy, empty and drooping, not to worry I loved them all! Imagine a boob size and shape well I guess I’ve squeezed one…………….. and don’t get me started on sucking nipples or I’ll be here all evening.

(Note Karina for the purposes of this tale isn’t the lady’s real name but I like the name so Karina she is, perhaps one day I’ll write the tales of how I came to meet these women but for now I prefer not to.)

So yes in my lifetime I’ve squeezed many pairs of unenhanced natural, as God intended, human female breasts and gorgeous they were to, and truthfully each time I near fainted when they took their bras off, put it this way the reveal and drop is the definition of eroticism. But not until meeting Karina had I ever slept with a woman who’d implants in her breasts and to be honest I’m in two minds, still! On the one hand I’m okay with falsies because they were Karina’s life choice, she both paid for and loved them so that’s fine by me, enhanced plastic boobs helped her body image, calmed any insecurities and the shape and size made her happy so it doesn’t matter what I think does it.

If I were ask to take a guess I’d say she didn’t get them because men demanded them, OR maybe sublimely did she?🤔😯😕 Who knows either way I didn’t really like them but didn’t say!!

And yes laying beside Karina looking at her burgundy lace bra cupping high round breasts they did indeed look womanly fabulous, her bust profile was exquisitely proportioned to her slim body frame (not porn star pneumatic balloons, yuck no!) The implants suited her, gave her a feminine cleavage however after she’d leant forward, reaching her hands behind to unclip then tossing her intriguing lingerie to the beside chair, well after the moment of freeing those bundles of fun from their restraint they didn’t drop 😦 and I enjoy watching saggy boobs fall to above the belly button. Anyways only after first setting eyes on Karina’s falsies did two horizontal pink lines etched into her skin capture my gaze.

Yep you’ll have guessed (cause I’ve already said), those pink lines were in fact the result of a surgical blade slicing into her skin, 2″ long incisions through which silicon implants had been forced underneath her breast tissue in what must have been a brutal operation. 

Why an earth go under the knife? She could have died!

Now I’ve seen these breast implant operations on the TV and I liken them to meat butchery, horrendous, my Great Grandfather was an army meat butcher in World War One (close to Ypres) and I’d guess he lol could have been a surgeon in another life but I shouldn’t be disrespectful. Well enough to say her surgeon stitched the incisions together (a nice job) and once healed Karina was left with two red unsightly marks for the rest of her life……… hmm I’ll be honest I don’t agree with breast augmentation.

BUT she loved them both so who am I to judge, live and let live I say.

Well because I’m an inquisitive sort of guy, an engineer by trade, I spent the next quarter of an hour asking all manner of questions, prodding squeezing basically giving her my own unskilled type of breast examination and she was happy to teach. In fact she guided my hand with hers to a point above her left implant, I gently pressed and felt a hard 4mm sized circular lump under the skin, I near freaked out with the shock and Karina had a look of concern etched across her brow then she said,

“Don’t worry the lump’s not cancerous”.

Jeeze I don’t think I’ve received such a heart stopping shock before, she should have warned me of a hard lump because I hadn’t frigging expected it!! Karina then went on to explain a hospital biopsy had revealed the lump wasn’t cancerous but I think her broken Polish accent meant I missed the true reason in translation, however she assured me the implant hadn’t split which was my next worry. Suffice to say she was booked in to have surgery this ********* though I could see she was quite concerned………………. don’t you think it a shame that a woman has to endure surgery and silicon bags inserted under her skin to improve the way she sees her body? AND didn’t she understand men love boobs whatever the size and shape I guess not?

I felt disappointed that afternoon, Karina’s implants were firm hard and yes they gave her a perky profile, but I’d loved them to have to been squidgy and jiggle, pendulously swing when she moved just as God intended, so okay they were hard but after 5 minutes of sucking licking and caressing I overcame any doubts……………. well nearly all!

Anyways we both relaxed and began to enjoy each other’s bodies, we kissed passionately the womanly smell of her freshly showered skin passing my nostrils and just so as you know I’m not a great fan of bottled perfume because ladies naturally smell divine ❤ , I’ll choose the clean animal scent of a woman over manufactured smells every time…….. I’ll share no further details, you’re all sexual animals lol you 😉 understand many of the ‘positions’ naked lovers get up to in bed together, even with her dodgy knee! (She got out of bed at one point to click it back into position.)

Enough said, joking apart I learnt you should always see a Doctor if there’s something medically not right with your body.

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Artists drawings of naturel breasts 

I’ll wrap up this post by saying Karina and I will see each other again and no doubt chat about her (our) health but I’ll leave any ladies reading with one thought. I’ve worked with many men, both young and old over the past thirty five years and I’ve yet to come across a guy who liked breast implants, and yes the subject has raised it’s head upon many occasions. Btw if you’re 🙂 curious my take is why bother putting yourself through major surgery if your identified sexual partner doesn’t like them? Discuss. 

There you are lol knowledge shared from me to you, we guy’s love ‘au naturel’ unenhanced breasts whatever their size shape and ‘squidgyness’ so ladies please don’t ever assume we don’t.

©A. Shepherdson 2018

 

Eavesdropping on Girls Talk

We ALL listen into stranger’s conversations………… don’t we?

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A question for you, why are women’s conversations so darn interesting?

I am a people watcher by nature, I was going to write aren’t we all? But I know for a fact some people are so self absorbed they are oblivious to what goes on around them, perhaps a little unfair of me. So yes guilty as charged I can’t help watching people go about their normal lives, nothing creepy mind it’s just that if you find human nature fascinating well you have to observe! Oh and I should qualify that statement with I have a terrible habit for eavesdropping, perhaps an unsavoury character trait but if you’re going to chat to your friend about sexually transmitted diseases, then what’s a guy to do except listen in?

I really can’t help myself however I’m far from blameless in fact I blame this new phenomenon of telling the world your private business fairly and squarely on mobile phones! I can stand next to someone in a bus queue and they’ll happily chat about their lives to a friend consequently I’ve become very attuned to conversations going on around me, and I’ve heard some corkers when sitting on the bus enduring the awful evening commute out of Oxford. But what’s to do? For some unknown reason people seem totally comfortable having intimate mobile phone conversations out loud, however the eavesdropper only hears half the conversation so has to fill in the pauses while the other person answers, but don’t you think eavesdropping is just human nature?

(I’m not a gossip though, oh no tell me a secret in confidence and my lips are sealed)

Recently I overheard a lady explaining to a friend on the phone, how she’d just left a solicitor’s office after a meeting with her ex husband, a guy she described in these glowing terms,

“Thankfully I’ll never have to see his stupid little face ever again”, you get the idea they were divorcing.

I should add the half of the conversation I was listening to was the lady gleefully taking her ex hubby to the proverbial cleaners, the alimony, the furniture, the house she got the lot! Although she had to give him a token lump sum, and by the time she’d hung up I both felt sorry for the poor guy and thanked my lucky stars I am single! Mind you she had a pleasant well spoken voice and a personality you could call ‘bitchy’ but then again she was divorcing an ex hubby so perhaps her attitude was understandable……………….. 😀 hmm do I really want to ever marry?

I’ve lost count of the shear number of Court case conversations I’ve eavesdropped on, you see our County’s Crown Court (second highest Court in the land) resides in the city I commute out of, consequently all I can imagine is people leaving Court at 4pm are SO excited and intellectually stimulated, or are so frigging relieved, they jump on the bus, whip out their mobile and tell friends mothers or girlfriends what went on in Court and the outcome of the case, and again I fill in the gaps. I’ve overheard defendants discuss their knife crimes, wounding, robbery convictions and often accompanied with foul language, not forgetting drug abuse and all absolutely staggering conversations so much more entertaining than reading tabloid newspapers, or soap operas on the TV (I don’t watch TV!) Btw I’m not joking the stories I have heard!!

I’ve also overheard conversations that are so sad and upsetting, bare in mind they’re impossible not to overhear, perhaps when someone sits in their comfy Italian leather reclining seat they’re totally aware the person in the seat behind can hear every word? The other week a young woman from the seat in front of me was chatting to her mother in tears, letting her heart out as daughters do explaining how she could no longer afford the mortgage payments on her house and other bills, and by the time I’d descended the double decker stairs to get off believe me when I tell you 20minutes of sadness and upset had left me in bits. I almost felt like giving the young lady a gift of money (but is that patronising to admit), I’ve even felt guilty that I am lucky to be relatively well off!

I don’t know some people seem do get the rough end of life, so far I haven’t, but I’m afraid I’m unsure I could emotionally handle having my life turned upside down? Perhaps the consequence for my timidity is I’m a guy who doesn’t take a risk……. is still single…… a little unhappy lol.

The most entertaining eavesdrop I’ve had by far lol was again sitting on a bus! A jaw dropping tale where the girl behind who was retelling lurid stories of her slutty behaviour while being on holiday with friends in some Spanish holiday resort, fabulously entertaining that was! You’ll get the gist when I say she was a ‘sleep all day, drink party and sex all night girl’, well turns out she’d slept with a different guy every SINGLE night, good for her, you’re a long time dead!

Jeeze I was so envious………… why didn’t I go to Spain in my twenties? 😀

(Btw I’ll skip the conversation where three girls were comparing their shopping purchases and discussing the pitfalls of wearing bras that are tooo small……………….. honestly I ask you!!! And just the other week the girl sitting next to me was regaling tales of her first leg waxing session to her friend………….. after five minutes or so I had to turn and look at her, I smiled with raised eyebrows, she went red and her friend couldn’t stop laughing………….. either I’ve never noticed this before or times have changed and I’m getting old?)

Oh yes back to the entertaining eavesdrop!

Well on another journey home two teenage (@15) girls were seated across the aisle on the other side of the bus, a row in front of me, and suddenly my attention was pricked so to speak because the two young ladies were chatting about relationships and sex, oh and loudly with plenty of passengers within earshot. Well as you can imagine I’m listening into the conversation and I’d guess all the other commuters would have turned down their mp3 media, stopped reading their paperback novels all ears drawn to the girl’s sex talk. Then mid chatting about their love lives, one girl earnestly said to her friend and I could tell she was rather concerned worried and confused, saying in hushed tones,

“Can you catch STD’s from sleeping with another woman?”

Well I’m all frigging ears mulling over questions like ‘well can a woman catch an STD from sex with another woman?’ ‘And if so which ones?’ And I must admit I was as confused as the two girls! Well to cut a short story even shorter, her friend wasn’t much help and didn’t seem to know?

Then all of a sudden a middle age woman sitting a few rows in front of me, turned around from her seat, leant across to the two girls and answered,

“Yes you can my dear, you can catch STD’s.”

And having shared her caring advice she returned to her seat as if nothing had ever happened, then the worried girl turned to her friend and rather seriously said,

:/ “I’d better get myself checked out then” and with that their conversation stopped or changed subject I cannot remember?………….. Hmm I wonder if she did get checked or have an STI.

Well as you can imagine I was in my element listening in (wouldn’t you be? Btw we all were), however I couldn’t help wondering who the rather brave knowledgeable helpful woman was? I remember thinking she must be a lovely person to bravely come to the rescue of a troubled teenager, perhaps she was a mother with daughters? A school teacher? Or just an example of someone with such great empathy, devoid of embarrassment, that she could no longer remain quiet knowing both the correct STI answer and how important the teenagers understood diseases are exchanged skin to skin.

I was truly touched.

I wouldn’t have had the nerve to speak up possibly because I was pretty confused myself! My brain was listing any number of sexual diseases before settling on Genital Herpes, I’m reliably informed Herpes is very easy to pick up from skin to skin sexual contact, but either way I wouldn’t have had the nerve to pipe up and neither did all the other commuters within earshot…………. hmm :/ perhaps men should never get involved #MeToo and all that.

In life there are those who get involved and help others, and there are those who watch and do nothing? So I’m left wondering which one am I?

(Stating the obvious boys talk loudly over their mobile phones………………. but for some reason I only remember lurid tales told by young ladies 😀 probably because lady’s conversations are FAR more interesting engaging and darn right entertaining!)

©A. Shepherdson 2018.

beautiful Princess Anya, a Chatroom lady

Now I have an admission to make (lol said that before!) I began writing this post 14/03/2018 and it’s resided in Draft form ever since, perhaps the reason I didn’t get around to posting is Princess Anya isn’t so much a blog, but more a writing exercise that you could say is themed ‘my take on chatrooms’ .

So what’s to do with this tenuously adult themed tale? Do I publish it? or do I bin it? :/ hmm after much thought I’ve decided to publish and in all honesty I enjoyed reading this tale once again. 🙂

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ba6aef2bf16877b1f1fc84dc5158d3ba--girl-cartoon-characters-cute-cartoon-girl

Don’t you think Anya (cartoon replaced photo) could be mistaken for the girl next door? Demure classy intellectual, a college student perhaps? But how wrong you are! Oh so wrong!

As often happens with my WordPress I’ll tack (nautically) from one questionable opinion to the next because they’re enjoyable to write 🙂 , so be aware I’m going to explain why once in a while I’ll watch a certain lady perform in her chatroom! Btw she’s age20 and it’s all legal proper and above board. 🙂 

Tell you what! Call this post an antidote to my ‘Crime and Punishment’ tale, and a lot more fun. 🙂

I’ll be totally honest with you and say I dislike watching pornography, (that :/ may surprise one or two regular readers lol) but take note I’m not admitting a dislike of watching porn to gain favour with you lovely readers, and I have no real objection against mentally well balanced adults accessing legal consensually performed pornography, only that watching two naked porn actors going at it like rabbits bores me to frigging tears………….. I prefer doing ‘it’ with consenting 18+ live human beings, most of you will be in relationships and isn’t intimacy connection and a meeting of souls? Far more fun!

Btw this post ISN’T discussing the pros and cons arguments for and against legal pornography, only that watching sex bores me frigging rigid, and yes I’ve changed my moral position to thinking Governments should do all they possibly can to stop children having access to imagery they just don’t understand. (Phew that’s a mouthful)……………….. I don’t have children but I have several relatives who ‘have their own little people!’

So yes I’ll admit to watching the odd adult movie in my lifetime!

A short tale for you! When aged 18 myself and a group of 30 apprentices visited Oxford’s Odeon Cinema in George Street, a very very late viewing mind, to watch a soft porn adaptation of Cinderella, I’ll say NO more except imagine a scantily clothed nubile pretty virginal Snow White, then think seven horny dwarfs, use your imaginations and yes you’ve guessed correct!

Was our ‘soft’ movie worth watching? Yes and no, yes because going out of an evening with fabulous young men were some of the happiest days of my life, the comradery you experience with like minded friends you just cannot put a price on. And no, because the pornography was far from sexy, in fact the ‘plot’ was ridiculous to the point of being hilarious and how she managed position 69 without putting her back out I’ll never know.

Snow-White-nude
Without Googling, why are men SO captivated by womanly breasts? 

Enough of unorthodox fairy tales.

So who is Princess Anya (the lady in the picture)? She is in fact a very VERY successful adult chatroom actress, I’d describe her a classy sensual very much ‘girl next door’ young woman oh and of Indian descent. AND if you’re at all curious I don’t hold the view male paying viewers to her shows are sad old perverts, no! They’re probably decent single guys (mostly), loners or society’s lonely where the internet could be their social life.

Where do I fit into this alternative cyber world of sexual fantasies? Once in a while I’ll pull down the favourites drop down tab on my laptop, where I’ve bookmarked a legal and regulated non spammy secure and safe well known adult website. I’ll fill you in with a little detail, just enough because WordPress may be reading, imagine pages of hundreds of scantily clad young women sitting in a room in their home, any room, in front of a webcam and ‘stripping naked’. Yes you’re there!

Lol I’m one of life’s observers, yes the young women are gorgeous, btw I don’t visit that often note! The girls 18+ are stunning and yes remember masturbation is medically good for one’s mental wellbeing, all good clean fun, but it’s the chat logs on the right hand side that can be addictive viewing full of amusing and intelligent banter and passes ten minutes or so…….. and 😉 what guy doesn’t like watching gorgeous young women undressing, well at least I’m honest!

However I never pay because I’m tight with money.

The male viewers have usernames (note I’m not a member), it’s a chatroom and you know how chatrooms work, they anonymously write a comment, sometimes very funny because they are articulate intelligent men, she’ll laugh reply be playful and a friendship of sorts is struck up. Yes Anya is stringing them along a little, she’s being cheery funny sensual to gain favour and get paid tokens but their conversation surprisingly isn’t disgusting it’s actually entertaining viewing. 

Btw virtual tokens are purchased with real money, ‘punished plastic’ if you get my meaning!

Time to time moderators enter the chatroom to check on the appropriateness of behaviour, if some hate writing bully chimes with obscenities the lady blocks him, and by the time Anya has 10,000 men close to uhmm a state of nearing sexual excitement (going by the frenzied chat log), Anya switches Private allowing those who’ve paid $5 in tokens to watch her private performance.

The screen the goes blank, and the room is Private!

And because I’m tight fisted miser I don’t pay to watch, then for the next 15 minutes Anya puts on a masturbation show, is she wrong and disgusting? You decide. And how do I know what goes on in her show? We’ll for one I’m an intelligent guy with an awesome imagination and two because the viewers continue to write a chat log on the right hand side! And interesting entertaining reading it is to with the guys writing whilst watching Anya’s private performance, and remember these guys are wordsmiths of a sort, articulate and witty, they carry on writing a running commentary of Anya’s bedroom antics positions and use of toys AND the are respectful…………….. Jeeze lol use your imaginations please!! And for those of who you who are a little prim and proper look away now, as Anya performs I’d guess hundreds of men are sat in front of their computer screens watching and w##king.

So what do I make of all these sexy shenanigans? I have absolutely no problem with adult performers and their chatrooms apart from one overriding essentially important caveat, legal moderated chatrooms are fine as long as they cannot be accessed by children.

Goes without saying I’m a moral mentally well balanced good hearted human being so viewing would be fine, and if you could 100% guarantee ALL children cannot access regulated chatrooms on the internet, then I honestly have no problem but again banning pornography is your own moral choice to make. However back in the real world we know children unfortunately do watch, and I guess me saying chatrooms are ok is a pact with the devil if EVER there was one. :/

I have a relative with little people of his/her own, work it out lol, he/she has parental locks set on all their children’s media devices, flagged up sexual words will filter out inappropriate websites, setting preferences will stop their children seeing unwanted sexual images, they have their own phones but the deal/pact with Mum and Dad is at any time of the adult’s choosing they can take an iPad or phone off the little person and examine their browsing history.

The family pact also states, if preferences and locks have been tampered with, adult web addresses attempted then the device is confiscated and ‘the little people’ are fine with this pact, they also learn that life has rules and consequences and they haven’t reneged on the deal although email has been disabled for non sexual related incidents. The ‘little people’ are learning to be responsible! I’ll finish by saying the parental pact works because the adults in question are intelligent, clever, caring and responsible alas not every parent is either tech savvy or actually cares.

As for beautiful Princess Anya, she is one talented lady oh yes she is a VERY clever young woman (possibly the most shapely firm perky tits I’ve ever seen!) And her bedroom antics are pretty amazing (apparently remember I don’t pay to watch) but more importantly Anya is a bubbly witty playful personable intelligent young woman, she’s a friend to lonely men and her finely crafted skilfully honed feminine charms will seldom be bettered.

I watch her interacting with viewers, observe, listen and read her chat log and I’m convinced she’s a woman who could hold any audience in the palm of her hand, her skillset is exactly the same as any TV evangelist preacher except Anya’s not extorting money from penniless congregations who can ill afford it (she’s not lying to them either). I’d say she is a more honest human being, men pay for her adult service and she gives them what they want, I’d suggest Anya’s a morally genuine person more so than any Politician working in British politics, actually I’m convinced. Hmm perhaps one day she venture into politics, she could, it happens.

So she takes her clothes off for money, who cares? Are her talents wasted? Yes, but she appears to be having fun and making money and I’m ok with anyone living the life they wish as long as it hurts no one.

Now I move onto Patti, she’s a whole different woman all together, age 40 and quite probably a mother herself and again she strips for money! Several years ago I watched a TV program investigating the murky world of strip bars, and interestingly many of the young women were single mothers……………….. judge people at your peril.

Patti is fabulous, I like Patti, she’s your mate’s Auntie or your mum’s best friend lol the dictionary definition of MILF, and to look at her sitting in her kitchen you wouldn’t have guessed she was a sex worker of sorts, unless I’d told you! However the absence of a bra, unfettered large boobs underneath a tight fitting tee shirt kinda gives her job away. Once again when she’s been payed enough well earnt tokens, off come the clothes and Patti ‘performs’ in front of her kitchen sink! And no NO I’m not linking the website.

So now to the question you are ALL hopefully asking, how much money does Anya make performing a 2 hour show? Remember 1hr 45 minutes is chatting and interacting with male viewers, getting them excited, clean chat with no demands bullying or hate, then she’ll set Private, hundreds of $5 tokens will pile in and doing the quick Math I think she made $700 for a 15 minute strip show.

Just imagine $350/hr………….. several times a day! (Most girls won’t earn this)

I should finish by saying I make no personal judgements, Anya is a wealthy young woman, empowered, self employed, she hurts no one so good for her and knowing the direction society is morally taking us, I have a feeling any future mainstream employers won’t care less anyway. Further still I’d guess many of the other performers will be single mothers, and all will be earning money to feed themselves, pay the bills so why not dance naked at least they’re not degrading themselves in porn flicks!

One day I’ll have to pay and watch Anya perform naked with toys, captured by various camera angles with her legs akimbo, trouble is that means spending $5 and I’m as tight as #ssholes. 😀 then again she is beautiful.

One final thought, the question crosses my mind would I want a daughter to perform in chatrooms and the answer has to be no, but if a friend or sister wanted to strip naked on the internet for money (consensually and over age18) then I’d be cool, her life her body I make no moral judgements!

(Original to March 2018, btw I have @ ten more posts in draft…………… I’m feeling a little glum this evening, these wordy essays aren’t what you’d define as blogging)

© A. Shepherdson 2018

 

Sexy Happy Endings!

Mildly adult themed (been a while since I’ve written an adult true tale) and hopefully a fun read!

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Now a message for any ‘classy ladies’ who may have read my post title and presumed ‘moi’ has written a tale about two people who fell in love and lived happily ever after, or maybe they’re imagining this is ‘moi’ reviewing a movie newly released at the cinema……… well if you did I’m afraid you’re wrong on both counts, which only leaves a third choice which one hundred percent of men will understand………….. having said all that medical doctors tell us masturbation (had you guessed) is the safest form of sex and more important good for one’s mental health and general well being………… and being serious for a second (for this is a serious post) I wholeheartedly agree pleasuring oneself lifts the spirits leaving you feeling satisfied and relaxed. 

couple-massage
Hmm wish I was as good looking as this young man, mind you that black bra looks familiar…… (Googled image!)

Incidentally Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus : ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I frigging paid her to do!

Btw my tale for you this evening is themed just for fun 🙂 . 

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One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few weeks ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

and when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”, Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black padded bra revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel. 

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I should admit at this point Dana’s isn’t the first intimate masseuse I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, one time several years ago I had a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

I know I said ‘cutting a long story short’, well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side,

followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!! 

 

©A. Shepherdson 2018

“Cabin boy stuffed his arse with broken glass and now he’s circumcised the Skipper”

I love the English Language.

I have for you this evening a fun amusing (finger’s crossed) light hearted post not to be taken tooo seriously, and jeez don’t you find time passes all to quickly in life generally, oh and here on WordPress, a week’s passed and I haven’t ‘published’ (for several reasons) but there you are.

So like I said time for a post that’s a little more light hearted and how does the Muppets backing vocals to a Sex Pistols song grab you? Hey? I’d like to theme this post our love of Language and introduce you to a word you may have never heard before.

Frigging! (And yes it’s in the Oxford English Dictionary)

Frigging: My go to Blog word in place of profanity/vulgarity, I’ll even go as far as to say it’s becoming a firm favourite, you’re all lovers of the English Language, so have you ever heard the word and do you know what Frigging means? Have you ever seen it written into a Blog? I tend to use Frigging in place of swearing within my Blog, it’s less vulgar and sound’s awesome dripping off the tongue!

But before I begin, here are the Sex Pistols and quite unbelievably a Muppet cover! I dare you not to smile. 😀

(I do hope the Band’s South London accent translates and you’ll understand the lyrics if not Google! However alas I don’t think the video ‘combo’ is Jim Henson’s but apparently he loved it!)

A second reason for writing this evening’s post is I came to realise after writing for a few months on WordPress my language was appalling, and by that I mean foul language. Oh yes I used f### and s###, as noun verb and it’s descriptive sister in crime adjective far far tooo often, once or twice is ok? Any more and the F word loses all shock value, it’s okay to perhaps emphasise a calamity or the worst of behaviour but unacceptable remembering teenagers may read my Posts? Don’t please 🙂 . AND as my old School teacher used to chastise, swearing is ‘lazy writing’ and I’m inclined to agree.

Not quite acceptable in everyday spoken polite society but if you did say “Frig me” or “Frigging Hell” it’s just about acceptable………… certainly sounds less harsh on the ear than ‘F’.

I first stumbled across Frigging as an 11yr old and I can remember precisely where I was and who said it. By Martin Ashby on a Scout camp in Hampshire 19##. But I’m doubtful anyone reading this post has either used or perhaps ever heard of Frigging? ……………… OMFG I’ve only this second realised I haven’t shared The Oxford English Dictionary meaning with you………….. Frigging means clitoral stimulation or to a lesser extent male masturbation, and now you know the meaning doesn’t it sound rather delicious? Anyways I apologise for revealing so late in this evening’s post. 

So there you are, Frigging! I hope to see it written in your blog posts sooon! And btw don’t assume I’m a grammatical expert ask me to define verb and I’ll answer FU.

©A. Shepherdson 2018

A woman’s Cleavage (a cautionary tale)

If a sober guy looks at your bosom, tell him to “please stop” and 98% will.

Candid-cleavage-and-downblouse-from-street-Part-7-3
Moments such as these are milestones a young boy will remember for the rest of his life

I have a brief tale to tell though before you ask, because I know you are curious! NO I didn’t take these lady’s photos, most definitely not but if you’re a prolific Google imager like myself then you never know what you will discover if you search hard enough.

😋 She fit’s my post!

🤔 Perhaps a cautionary tale though, goes to show ladies have to be very aware of men and their digital cameras, lean forward ‘snap’ and the boobs are on the internet!…………….. But not to worry, I’m using this lady both for a genuine reason and I’m assured she’s an anonymous D list celebrity? Hmm lol “I’m sayin nothin!”

Within my more thoughtful posts I have touched on the serious subject of sexual harassment, with the after #MeToo fallout very much in focus, well I have a true tale which I think throws up some interesting talking points.

Several weeks ago I was chatting to a young lad at work who said he’d been out drinking with three friends the evening before, turns out the sun was shining so all four were sat outside around a wooden table in the Pub’s garden…………. a very British pastime, every Public House will have it’s own small garden or terrace for patrons to enjoy.

So these four lads were quietly drinking beer at their table, all very civilised none were drunk or being rowdy or loud, they were I’m told chatting being sociable and having a laugh. All good fun and every so often a barmaid would visit their table for I guess empty glasses, take a bar food order or bring more drinks, then my friend tells me as the barmaid was leaning over their wooden table handing out pints of beer she said,

“Will you four stop trying to look down my blouse!”,

downblouse-bus-hot-girl
I’m age 52, and this scenario still happens to this day, and note the bottom left corner states this photo’s from the internet!!

He went on to give more clarity to his tale, she wasn’t p#ssed the lads and barmaid were on very friendly terms, their interactions were all proper and above board and I’d guess being as she was a barmaid and they were lads I’d guess there was plenty of flirting and light hearted banter, after she’d err told them to stop I’d guess knowing my work colleague there’d have been amused protestations such as,

😉 “WHAT me?” (His words). 

With ladles of wounded pride thrown in to good measure, and the way he shared his tale nothing more was said end of, certainly no Police were summoned or the Head Publican called to eject the lads from the premises, no the lady was quite aware they were peeking and for sure the lads were trying to glance down her open blouse…………….. I know for certain most men would!………. Now I realise ‘man hating lesbian feminists’ will disagree with what I am about to say,

“But don’t you think the barmaid handled the situation in exactly the right way?”

Btw I am also a feminist!

If she’d been getting increasingly tired of the lad’s furtive attention wasn’t warning the four 18yr teens enough? Yes the Pub garden is her very own workplace but there wasn’t any need to create a scene, the group and herself were all getting on fine, friendly and no doubt sexuality and the (adult) drinking atmosphere affected everyone’s behaviour, my friend saw the humour and the barmaid let it be known who was in charge……….. everyone had a giggle, the Pub didn’t lose four future paying customers and no scene or drama was created.

Ok I’d agree if you said my example of inappropriate behaviour is unique as every scenario will be, for one a drinking establishment barmaid won’t be any shrinking violet, she’d know exactly the right way to handle groups of leery lads who were overstepping the mark anyways you decide, I’ve met tiny barmaids who could eject fighting men just by a strength of personality.

Never argue with a p#ssed and angry woman, you’ll lose!!!

There of course could be an argument put forward by a certain British Police Commissioner that ladies should dress appropriately because short dresses can lead to unwanted attention, hmm who’s he blaming?

But I have a feeling the majority of right minded thinking adults agreed he was talking out of his arse and I’d hope his wife and daughters, if he had any, would have put him straight namely the fact a woman is assaulted isn’t her own fault, wear an open collared blouse if you wish AND I would add if a guy try’s to look down at your goodies, tell him to “get lost” or “please stop”.

And he will. Also.

If you’re in an underground train carriage and a guy attaches his grubby fingers to your ‘sweet lil ass’, tell him to “keep your hands to yourself!” And shout as loudly as you can so everyone else can hear you!

Confidence is key?

Okay I understand every case of sexual impropriety is different to another and further this blog isn’t a political platform only my own thoughts and observations, so what are mine?

For what it’s worth my own thoughts after hearing my colleagues Pub garden tale, was the barmaid handled herself correctly, the four decent hard working lads were warned and next time would hopefully be less obvious and take greater care when trying to look down a female’s open blouse!

No harm was done discuss!

Finally I’m here to say human beings are sexual animals, a woman will look at a man’s bulge in his trousers, a guy will look at a woman’s cleavage…………… you have to accept because that’s called ‘the way of the world’.

Early evening thoughts and now in comments tell me what you think please. 🤔

A. Shepherdson 2018

‘I bit my Pillow!’ (how my tale began)

Third and final part to my true pickup tale.

Henry Scott Tuke (1858-1929)
I enjoy looking at great paintings and this Cornish Scene by Henry Scott Tuke (1858-1929) looks good on my post bearing in mind my story’s gay theme, btw exhibited at Tate Britain. (Copyright Warwick District Council)

I’m openly honest here on my WordPress, tooo honest sometimes, well I’m hoping you’ll have read my story ‘I bit my Pillow!’ and if you did you’ll remember I said I would let you know which parts are true as happened and which parts are fiction!

‘I bit my Pillow!’, I 😀 agree a bl**dy awful title.

When I said we had gay sex and kissed well that was 100% fiction sorry to disappoint, but as I said yesterday parts are true. So just to be clear the sex is drawn from my imagination………… lol I cannot make you believe me but jeeze I hope you do.

So now you’ve read the tale this is how the episode came about btw in the spirit of fairness and honesty this is an old tale I enjoyed re writing.

Many years ago whilst holidaying by myself in central France, late one summer’s evening I found myself sitting alone inside Le Man’s Railway Station waiting room. The tale of how I came to be there is a rather long and tortuous one just understand I’m feeling desperate, my spoken French is embarrassingly appalling, the Station is emptying about to close for the night and I had absolutely nowhere to sleep that night, my only certainty within minutes the Entrance gates would be locked shut and I was soon to experience how sleeping rough on the Street actually feels…………. a truly spine chilling thought and terribly sad for the people who have no choice!

Then with only minutes to spare a middle aged guy appears as if from nowhere, sits down beside me and strikes up a conversation with this weary disorientated very depressed traveller. I was far from feeling sorry for myself, couldn’t understand him and my tired mind was in the grip of fear and loneliness, he invited me to spend the night in his home and I said yes!

I ask what an earth would you do faced with a night living on the Streets? The possibility of being mugged raped beaten up murdered a possibility, or the comfortable certainty of being driven by a rather polite personable guy to his home? Better still an unknown home where he’d provide you with a warm bed to sleep the night in. What’s more he promised on his life he’d drop me back at Le Man’s Station early next morning!

Lol what a friendly treasure, who could say no?

What a predicament what a dilemma, even if I’d been at my strongest mentally the choice would have been challenging, THAT my mind was frazzled and unable to think straight made the decision easy. But if I’d been consciously aware and thinking straight I would have absolutely figured out he was a gay man with ulterior predatory motives, a guy cruising public places late at night looking for single men to take home and have sex with! If I’d been approached on a railway station platform in Britain I would have politely told the guy to,

“Get blank lost!” (I wouldn’t lol but you get my gist)

But this late French evening I thanked my kind Samaritan and let him drive me to his home, from first meeting him to being whisked across the City into his bedroom seemed a mere blur of five minutes, and to this day I cannot understand whether I was stupidly foolhardy or naïve, qualities that have plagued my adult life. 

So remember the sex in my tale was fiction all I can admit is I must have been frigging tired because to this day I still don’t no why I went to bed with him?…… Honestly the strangest evening of my life, ask me what went on and well the light dial was turned to a warming dim glow…..…..……, I gazed up at a light flex hanging from the ceiling, then got up and slept on his sofa. (We make bad choices in life get carried away suck it up and move on.)

And I felt wretched for months after, despairingly upset is closer to the truth, I understand why people do dread a terrible dark memory seeping into their consciousness, they drain you of all energy and I did lapse into a deep depression, because well I’m straight! Our meeting confused because I consider myself groomed taken advantage of and tricked into bed, and in those months after I’d gaze at myself in the mirror with feelings of shame knowing I had to face the cold hard fact that I was a naïve guy who can be too trusting…………… but hey show me someone who hasn’t made unfortunate choices and I’ll show you a liar!!

So you get the feeling I hated myself? And note my tale is far from sensationalism, all good story’s are prompted by true events.

And what of today? Thinking back all these years later, that I went to bed naked with a naked guy ‘who fancied me’ is deliciously hilarious, the irony now is every time I think back to our night together I cannot help laughing, where’s the sin in admitting I can be tricked when I know I’m straight and omg what a surreal memory and btw I hope you’re thinking to yourselves ‘whatever!’ 😀

I know I know complete madness going home with a guy I’d never met before, even worse when I came out the shower and he’s standing there naked, jeeze he’d lied to me tricked me groomed me and yes I could have been raped or worse it happens………… I wasn’t. I should add I hope you’re not tooo disappointed to read my plump round ass wasn’t lol violated, anyways all said and done my gay French guy tale will go down as the strangest experience of my life……… I only wish I’d been approached by a kind hearted woman with darker motives!

A. Shepherdson 2018 (Just so as you know I had a blast writing these last 3 posts and 😀 I really hope some readers were left disappointed) 

 

 

‘I bit my Pillow!’ (so was it Truth or Fiction?)

Yes I realise ‘I bit my Pillow’ wasn’t the best title to have been penned by an erotic author……………. lol sorry it was the best I could come up with and yes I am happy to say I’m an author (of sorts). Aren’t we all?

No messing. Short and sweet. I’ll get straight to the point and say my tale called ‘I bit my Pillow!’ is fiction HOWEVER DON’T leave my blog quite yet because parts of that tale are true as happened.

(Btw if you are at all concerned, don’t be, my semi true tale is very tame reading but there is a context and I’ll reveal that tomorrow.)

The gay sex, the passionate kissing, the fingers in my ass never ever happened, though for very unique and quite frankly unusual reasons I did go to bed with the Frenchman in my tale, and yes we were both naked both not wearing a stitch of clothing!

So are you relieved? Or disappointed?

Tomorrow I will to tell you why in heavens name I slept with the guy, and how I came to be in his house taking a shower in the first place! It all makes for a fascinating read to myself, but perhaps not interesting enough to share.

(Btw a nature walk with photos follows sooon!)

Should I be admitting all my honesty here? Perhaps not but hey I’m not ashamed of anything and if you wish to read more well tune in tomorrow. 

A. Shepherdson 2018

 

 

doggy (mild adult themes)

15-doggy-position-funny-cartoon

Always remember (please try I know this can be difficult) I’m DEFINITLY NOT a sex blogger but I’m no different to every other adult walking this spinning planet, I experience funny urges you all do, so being as I’m an observational ‘writer’ and adults are sexual animals therefore life and love will time to time combine together in a post………….. so if you’re under 18 you’ll find NOT a jot of interest here…………….. incidentally if you’re over 18 :/ you may not either………… but hopefully yes.

So if you’ve been following this Blog closely you’ll understand my favourite’s cowgirl, if you didn’t already realise there are 64 BECAUSE having followed my tales you’ll now know there are 64 so hopefully you should be asking yourself ‘how many have I tried with another human being male or female?’ Oh and be aware you can lose 250 calories missionary and I’ve yet ONE more nugget of adult information for you namely a ladies favourite clothes free fun and games activity is doggy!

I’d bet you didn’t know that or lol perhaps it’s fake news 😀

If you’re unaware, I’ve been near obsessed trying to figure how many I have been enjoying with a lady? Just the other day I was sat in my Doctor’s surgery note absolutely nothing to do with you know whats, and I found myself picking up a magazine from the waiting room coffee table THEN proceeding to jot down this numbered list of how many I’ve tried? I counted 7 but then I thought being sucked is a definite but is spanking a bottom whilst being sucked an on its own position? Or a variation of one theme? Still lol passes the time jotting any type of list whatever that may be, I only hope someone rather intrigued doesn’t ask me what I’m doing!

If at this point reading you’re none the wiser and haven’t an earthly as to what I’m hinting to? Then shame on you for not Following my blog btw I’m ONLY joking! And further still apparently, and read carefully, a ‘Lady of the Night’s’ favourite is yes you’ve guessed doggy, so if you enjoy being uhmm from behind then perhaps keep in mind you could work in the service industry, upmarket because all you reading right now I know are classy men and women!

Hmm :/ after reading this insightful observation of female positional preference, taken from the internet incidentally, and yes after having taken her from the rear I got to wondering why so popular with 51% of the population? I guess crouched on the bed ‘all fours’ means you don’t have some great weight laying on top, not forgetting legs wide akimbo is a rather uncomfortable position to be ploughed into by some dribbling, gasping for air, over excited ‘person’?

But being serious for a second, again I guess because I actually don’t know the answer, I would imagine ladies can absently minded stare at the bed’s headboard without looking him in the face, especially if she had a headache and didn’t feel like it tonight, but she resigned herself to keeping partner content and happy so relented, but at least with doggy you could even read a book, plan next week’s food shop at the supermarket or ask yourself why are my in-laws such frigging hard work?

So yes why not go doggy, forearms pressed deep into the soft spongy quilt cover, allow him to at least touch you by only holding by the waist and MAKE him do all the work, whatever the reason it’s all very sedate, no effort and keeps hubby happy.

Apologies to any readers bored by my meandering adult observational musings, early evening thoughts!

A. Shepherdson 2018

My peeing Policewoman post, afterthoughts

 

What do you think the female Dutch public’s reaction was to their biking Policemen? Unprintable I guess. 😛

The second part (marked) is a response of sorts to my own peeing Policewoman tale and yes all very serious and depressing, hmm? Was it written this way simply because I woke up that morning morose miserable and lol in a bad move? I was going to scrub and write it again but no I’ll keep it and you choose, however I’ll also add some of today’s thoughts so call this part 1………. jeeze this is a frigging long post but what else you gonna do? Go back to bed and lol play with yourself? :/ There’s a thought!

Today’s part 1

A lovely lady Blogger commented “………this ‘post’ makes me not wanna visit peaceful places……….” and omg I thought to myself ‘no NO we should never change the way we live and enjoy our lives just because once in a while bad things happen’. BUT I understand what she means.

Several years ago a schoolgirl was abducted from the Streets of my home City, in broad ‘early morning’ daylight, then driven to a place she couldn’t recall and subjected to a 4 hour gang rape.

A brazen horrendous crime, a news story that went viral right across the Globe and the public reaction in Oxford was equally as shocking. Street’s emptied of walking pedestrians, Schools instructed parents to drive their girls to School and NEVER let them walk alone and most shockingly of ALL recreation Parks of ‘swings and slides’ had near tumbleweed blowing through them. In the space of one day and for weeks after not a single soul would be seen playing in a Park, no joggers no picnicking mothers my Town was a Ghost Town.

Then life slowly began to get back to normal as life always does and if you remember hearing this Schoolgirl gang rape abduction story, then you may not have heard the girl lied, and yes you DID read that phrase correctly, perhaps she was disturbed or an attention seeker? It turns out several months later she made the whole sorry story up, a complete and utter tissue of lies jeeze the trouble she caused, in fact Thames Valley Police even Tweeted a stark message on their Twitter Feed……..

‘That abduction never happened!’

I already new this because I have a source lol long story! (A mate at work who know a ‘Copper’ 😀 ) But I think my tale proves we should never ever change the way we live our lives, just perhaps take extra care and assess possible risks and eventualities? ……….. So if you want to visit a common GO! It’s a great place to have a family picnic and if you’re really really lucky you may spot a policewoman ‘skirt up knickers down pussy out and peeing’, BUT don’t worry you’ll never see the like of her again! 😦

Part 2. Yesterday’s rather depressingly written serious additional thoughts of sexual crime and punishment.

I hope you got to read Sunday’s post if not click ‘here’ 🙂 and let me first say I know the three tales perhaps don’t sit happily together however they are interlinked, except yes I’d agree an amusing peeing Policewoman tale and a serious sexual assault probably don’t, but being honest I’m ok with the post. 

When I first began my WordPress I had only two rules in mind, 1 there’ll be no talk of Religion, 2 it’ll be a Politics free zone, not because I’m someone who sticks their head in the proverbial sand, no because I don’t want to ‘write’ about Muslim fundamentalism and how BREXIT is damaging my Country…………. I guess that’s why my posts are hopefully a fun read and note always honest, but then again lol I reserve the right to talk about Politics Religion or discuss Sex Crime if I wish to. (I don’t!)

So again keeping yesterday’s post in mind, if you really feel like reading that news story, I’m providing the link to my local newspaper ‘here’ and the assault of a woman crossing my local common for no other reason than you maybe interested? But one word of warning, the article is troubling reading because as I explained before, the rapist was bailed to attend Court for raping another woman however two Police Force Regions didn’t share evidence, consequently he carried out this second horrific assault when he SHOULD have been in Prison? I know an awful mistake!…………… Anyways the link is above if you’d like to read.

That an assault happened in a sleepy English rural Town set in rolling Countryside is a stark reminder serious crime ‘can happen to anyone anywhere anytime’, and not just for females I’m more careful about my personal safety than I have been in my life before. Don’t you ever assume the UK is a low crime society, perhaps Downton Abbey and all the other sickly sweet period dramas have you believe Britain is an idyllic land of Countryside rustic villages and only white people! No we’re multicultural therefore the Far Right white are pitted against Muslim fundamentalism, and as for crime levels, jeeze in all my years living here I’ve never known crime levels so high, street robbery and violence are all to regular news events.

(Blah blah blah………. 😀 lol )

But life has to go on, so consequently wherever I go these days I’m aware of my surroundings more than ever. I’ll keep a firm grip of my wallet when in public places, I try to be always within a group of pedestrians and ALWAYS keep half an eye out for young men on scooters, they may either ride up and steal your mobile phone or if you’re in London throw a bottle of Sulphuric Acid in your face! Perhaps I exaggerate but these days you have to be aware.

Anyways enough of violence hatred and awful crime stories, next The Sex Pistols!
©A. Shepherdson 2018 (with Googled images not my own)

Policewoman and her near indecent exposure!

(Contains references to sex crime)

🙂 Now even if I say it myself that’s a friggin awesome post title! Lol I’ve truly surpassed myself but yikes now I have to write the post…………….. f#ck it’ll never live up to that hype but oh well I’ll tell my true tale.

(A brief Intermission similar to those they used to have at my local cinema when I was a child, Saturday afternoon’s the matinee would stop then ‘old stumpy’ would walk round selling cartons of ice cream and shout at kids to stop throwing sweets at him! Just to explain I’m telling the near indecent exposure tale one hundred percent true and, because I’m ALWAYS honest, I’ll admit her knickers could be an exaggeration but till this day I’m utterly convinced I saw them!)

A few years ago now, but I’m living at this same address so we’re talking quite recently, dead on 6.07 am on a weekday morning I pulled my front door shut, and why such a precise time you may well ask? Well I catch the bus to work 6.25 and it takes me exactly 15 minutes to reach the stop.

My walk to work is an absolutely stunning one though at times can be a little nerve-wrecking but I’ll get onto that in a moment just hold that thought. My 13 minute walk is quiet peaceful and a changed landscape everyday of the year yet I take exactly the same route? The beginning couple of minutes are breath-taking strolling beneath canopies of overhanging trees, leafy in summer cold and bleak in winter, and stunning in the snow. Then I walk alongside the wall of an ancient Manor House, turn left at the Dovecot, pass by an ancient Church then cross open common land with it’s 2 bridges over the river Windrush with woods and trees either side.

🙂 

I’m unbelievably lucky, some early mornings I’ll watch ducks geese and swans as I cross the rivers, a heron if I’m lucky, and circling over the open fields I’ll quite often see Barn owls swooping down for food and best of all I’m often the only person walking across the common. There’s never another soul in the dark winters and only the odd female jogger her tight ass squeezed into body hugging Lycra in the summer…………. if she’s bouncing boobs then all is right in my world!

However my early morning gorgeous walk can be unnerving in the winter, it’s dark but for a few pavement lights, pitch black in some parts and frigging scary some days especially if my imagination is alive and I’m feeling jumpy. Why so? You may have guessed already, the common is a magnet for men who have sexual propensity to run up to females and expose their genitals, ‘flashers’ I KNOW frigging sick or what, WTF why do it for f#cks sake?

rapepngwebA tragic tale for you, two years ago and on the same day I crossed that open common, I arrive at work switch on my computer to catch the local news only to read a young woman was attacked @3.00am before I’d walked past that same wooded area, it’s always dark because of the closely planted trees.

I know I’m getting off topic, sort of! But it turns out this particular early morning a man dragged the woman from the pavement, into the undergrowth, assaulted her breaking bones in her back then he raped the unfortunate woman. However by breaktime that same morning the case was solved, it turns out minutes after the Police arriving at the crime scene they went directly to a particular known address close by and arrested a convicted rapist who was out on remand soon to appear in Court for the rape of another woman………….. it was written there in black and white, the rapist was allowed out of prison ready to attend Court where he’d be found guilty for whatever and sent back to prison! But he assaulted in the meantime and sentenced life/9 years minimum.

Unbe-f#cking-lievable, you just cannot make this incompetence up!

Anyways returning to my story of walking to work one particular evening and now you understand why I’m both elated by the scenery and nature and nervous that I’ll get beaten up or robbed blind. Several years prior to the serious assault our local Police, in I guess a gesture to calm public safety fears over the number of exposures taking place and because several hours later around 9.30am children walk across the common to get to school, a visible Police presence was increased from zero to quite a few and I’m not being sarcastic there’s only so many Policepersons and FAR too many crimes taking place.

11949846491773218673woman_police_02_gerald_g_01.svg.hiI’ll get to the end of this frigging true tale if it takes all evening lol! So I’m often nervous, the only member of public out and about this early hour, now if you look at my photo below this is virtually the exact spot where I was startled. Suddenly aware of movement and rustling between the bushes and because I’m a fast walker I strode past the noise and commotion half expecting to see a cat or the grey squirrel my mum’s dog chases HOWEVER what do I see but a uniformed attractive Policewoman squatting on the ground her skirt pulled up over her knees halfway up her thighs, knickers down around her ankles (side on so I didn’t see her actually doing ‘it’ or she’d finished) well all I can add is she was as startled as me, our gazes and eyes briefly caught each others, both no doubt WTF? I hurriedly kept walking and just understand there was an awful lot of commotion from those bushes as said Policewoman adjusted her dress! I will be absolutely bluntly honest, the image of her squatting half naked is still kinda sexy!

I realise now the juxtaposition of a story about a rape and a peeing policewoman don’t perhaps sit happily? Hmm, I’ll leave it, they happened but feel free to comment. 

(I remember later smiling to myself thinking ‘I’d hope she saw the funny side afterwards’, out hunting for flashers but no instead she flashed a pedestrian. 🙂 )

It’s a strange old world, day after day month after month I take that exact same route through beautiful countryside, passing various wildlife and then one day what do I see but a peeing Policewoman! BUT being deadly serious for a second and please don’t think me flippant, on another day a young woman takes that exact route and is raped! Jeeze we have to take care these days, there’s far too many assaults robberies and knife crime in my Town!

My morning route to work, the common and lane with bushes. (My old photos but I doubt you mind. 🙂 )

A. Shepherdson 2018©

Have I ever touched a woman inappropriately? (Re. #MeToo)

(#MeToo themes, consequently age appropriate BUT my WordPress ISN’T an adult blog)

:/ So have I? In my long years stalking (no walking) this planet, have I ever touched a woman inappropriately (sexually) to the point she’s had to say “No”?

And the answer is yes once.

But it’s never ever happened before or since, end of!

……………………..oh you mean you’d like to hear more? All the seedy details? Was I reported to the Police? Was I charged with sexual assault? Did she add my name to the #MeToo Twitter feed?

SO MANY QUESTIONS!

Ok before you or WordPress get their frigging knickers in a twist over my very frank and honest admission, the answer is I’ve never broken the law in my life hence I’ve never been arrested by the Police. Further, no one has ever reported me to the Police and my name isn’t linked to #MeToo, so the answer is a BIG NO to every question that’s hopefully surging your brain’s electrical circuitry right now.

Ok are we quite clear, and please don’t think I’m belittling #MeToo, as no guy ever should.

Having said all of that……..

jjjjjjjjj

December last year I was chastised for touching a woman’s V, but in my defence she was naked riding me reverse cowgirl at the time, consensually! However I’m fully aware a guy cannot assume he can do whatever he wishes to a woman’s body even though she’d previously agreed to have sex with him.

06Similar to the majority of men across the globe I’ve followed the #MeToo debate with varying degrees of interest, not religiously but a newspaper article here, a TV news story there, HOWEVER my ears will always prick up when I hear a guy moan he no longer understands what the dating rules are anymore?

Are you aware last month Amazon announced, ’employees are allowed to ask a colleague for a date one time only’, which seems harsh when my Grandma said my Grandpa never stopped asking her out, she answered yes just to keep him quiet!

The rest is history, they reached their golden wedding together, had 3 children, 4 grandchildren and 5 great grandchildren so draw your own conclusions as to the new corporate dating policies!

Incidentally Amazon don’t care either way lol, they’re legally covering themselves and :/ more businesses will follow.

As for guys no longer understanding dating rules, each time I hear this nonsensical argument, I shake my head because asking if #MeToo is being fair to men is a total no brainer. It’s not right to touch a woman inappropriately in 2018, as guys are fully aware, it wasn’t right to touch a woman’s body 30 years ago before asking, because well you just don’t!

It’s a no brainer argument, so why the confusion, I keep reading and hearing a small minority of men are confused? I guess the only confusion could be if a married man was wrongly accused, but that’s a whole other issue.

A woman I dated on several occasions, we didn’t have sx we were just good friends. well somehow our conversation stumbled onto tales of sx as you do, all very amusing until she said her first time wasn’t a happy experience, afterwards actually saying to herself,

“Well is that it? Is that what all the fuss was about?” in other words a considered anti-climax.

Hmm as often happens with a post I’ve gotten side tracked haven’t I, :/ the perils of writing as you think. I began by saying I have been guilty of touching a woman inappropriately, Sarah was her name (not really), I made the mistake of touching her V without asking whilst she rode me reverse cowgirl. I touched her intimacy, she stopped bouncing up and down on my waist taking my long hardness deep inside her and having paused Sarah turned her head saying rather curtly,

“Don’t touch my foo (insert my name)”

I apologised and yes even though sex was consensual I SHOULD have asked shouldn’t I, Sarah helped me to climax and if you’re interested all was fine afterwards. We chatted laughed, drank alcohol and the incident was never spoken of again, perhaps for literary effect I’ve overplayed the episode but she chastised me with “don’t” and yes I should have asked first.

Sarah and I were cool afterward, I’d better make that very clear! And I have no idea why she didn’t wish me to touch her V? I’ve no problem with Sarah, she had the right to say no as all women do, a woman has the human right to say “STOP” at any time as do I!

Similar to most of us I’ve read true tales of sexual abuse in magazines and on the internet and I’ve even read that it’s not uncommon for a woman to say she’s been raped by her husband. The name of a specific article avoids me but I remember it took me a few seconds to process, hold on now? They are married couple ‘man and wife’, doesn’t the husband have conjugal rights? They’ve signed a betroth ‘in the eyes of God to be faithful to one another, he has the legal right to ##ck her doesn’t he?

But of course when I reflected on these marital bedroom arguments it’s absolutely clear rape can and does exist within a marriage, heavens above husbands do not have any Rights over their wives bodies. I would never assume I had a legal right to sexual intercourse, but I think if the guy’s been denied then the marriage had already passed the point of NO return.

Yes?

I began this post discussing pointing out my puzzlement at a minority of men NOT understanding ‘these new dating rules of engagement’, I’ve heard them said on the TV, which leads me in very seamlessly to my own rules of dating engagement……. you get the idea.

I’m not a very tactile touchy feely sort of person, so perhaps I’m different from most men? Stretching a hand out to pat a woman’s butt cheek wouldn’t cross my mind, jeeze I’d never slap her ass and I would never place an affectionate arm round a female’s shoulder or lean in a little to close to her face, but some men still do.

I would never place my hand on her thigh, put my arm round her waist and certainly never ever grope a breast. I’d never try to steal a kiss from a lady, stroke her hair but I guess the consequences of mixed messages could perhaps come into play, you know, a date has gone particularly well so a guy might grope because he assumed sex was on the menu, but this would be a MINORITY of men.. Hmm perhaps I’m different to some men? I’d day dream of touching her breasts and pussy but I wouldn’t until :/ asked to!!!!

However I’m most definitely far from being an angel, I’ll be the first to admit to admiring a fine looking woman from afar, appreciate her lovely hair, furtively gaze at her pert round bottom (I do this a lot :/ ), my eyes drawn to a gorgeous pair of breasts, treasure her child bearing hips, appraise her ‘pins’ AND glance down her cleavage if the opportunity arises……….. which I most definitely do when she’s not watching! (Lol they know though 😀 )

But surely that’s ok isn’t it? Yes?

I mean as long as one doesn’t leer, side glancing at an open blouse is ok, enjoying a females sexuality solely by eyesight remains ok in 2018 doesn’t it? Like I said I’ll mull over the so called new rules and my responsibilities as regards #MeToo fallout, quite often actually, but I really am unsure if looking and appreciating beauty in a woman, is no longer socially acceptable?

Perhaps ladies HATE men looking at their bodies?

So ladies lol answer me, if you’re aware (feminine intuition and all that jazz) a guy is looking at you, enjoying your sensuality no sexuality, is that ok?

So what final conclusion could I share with you before wrapping up this post.

I would say, human male consciousness and #MeToo arguments are inextricably entwined, if any guy including myself doesn’t reflect on this statement from time to time then perhaps I and he should! However my mother brought me up to be a good boy, treat people how you wish to be treated, taught me by example how to care and empathise with my fellow man, I’m not perfect but I understand right from wrong. So Sarah I apologise (we kissed and made up), thank you for the lovely afternoon and banging alcohol induced overhang the following morning!

(And if you to are at all curious why reporter Ben Brown was groping a woman’s boob live on BBC News? Neither am I? And it’s late and I cannot be frigging bothered to Google!)

© A. Shepherdson 2018.

 

 

Deleting his Facebook

Thoughts and opinions are all my own, and if you disagree with me then that’s absolutely fabulous ❤

comics-JaGo-photo-hipster-5

‘I’m not on Facebook!’ I fear I’m in a minority here with that statement because lol I’ve haven’t heard of anyone who isn’t on FB?

A brief tale for you and I’ll keep this short because I do get side tracked! Last Wednesday whilst chatting to a 21year old colleague at work (btw NO one is aware I have a WordPress….not that I know of!) This pleasant young guy and myself somehow got on to the subject of Facebook, probably Mark Zuckerberg sharing our personal data with every corporation and business under the sun started the conversation, well without prompting by myself Alex said something that quite made him chuckle, 😀

“Last night I deleted my Facebook and NO ONE noticed!” I should say at this juncture he’s NOT by nature an attention seeker? No Alex is the most laid back chilled person you could ever hope to meet, you only need to know quitting wasn’t a spur of the moment rash decision, no he’d given closing his FB a great deal of thought.

Baring in mind social media is valued by the young perhaps more than older generations appreciate, ‘Alex’ didn’t appear worried regretful or deflated by his considered decision, I sensed he was quite relieved after having planned his social Platform exit, and he was rather pleased none of his friends noticed he’d disappeared because that proved lol no one actually cared! On the other hand if for example 100 of his FB buddies had ‘WhatsApp’ messaged him saying,

OMFG (or similar excitable acronym) u jus quit FB, why???????? 😮 😮 😮 !!!!!!!!!!!!!’ 😮

Or if his many friends, for Alex is a popular guy, had called his mobile number worriedly enquiring,

“OMG Alex babe what’s happened? Why have you deleted your Facebook? Are you ok?”

He’d have been gutted, but no not a single person noticed………….. which made him chuckle. 😀

Well as we chatted together that early weekday morning, before getting down to the work we were supposed to be doing, Alex went on to briefly explain the reasons why he’d finished with FB. I’ll refrain from quoting extracts from our private conversation, but interestingly quitting was unconnected to Zuckerberg’s evasive answers to American Politicians in Congress………. as with all youngster’s data sharing didn’t worry him.

Frigging worries me!

Turns out my colleague’s sole reason for quitting is as simple as time management, he’d kept a daily log of the hours spent on FB that week, you know keeping up with the many fabulous and interesting things his friends had gotten up to and even more worryingly the time he spent ‘pimpng’ up his own Profile’ (his words not mine) and as you may have guessed, Alex did the Math and the final total quite shocked him.

A lot of hours!!!

So my work colleague, after a lot of careful consideration and he didn’t take the decision lightly, Alex bit the ‘proverbial’ bullet and quit. Whether he regrets this over the weeks to come and succumbs to opening a new Account? Only time will tell but that’s missing the point.

And my point is? I think FB is fabulous and a great way of connecting with people also keeping up with what friends are doing in their lives, and I’m in NO way criticising Facebook or social media in general. My take on his momentous decision  is I guess there comes a time in any young adult’s life, perhaps beginning work, cooking for oneself, when they realise social media has taken over their lives, consuming precious time that should be used dating real human beings or just enjoying the fruits and benefits of one’s newly paid labour……………. and lol that dreaded chain around every adult’s neck called responsibilities!

And if you are at all curious I’m neither on FB or ever intend to be, note I have nothing against this social Platform and make no judgement on the people who do use it because I know I am in a minority. But FB isn’t for me I’ll go further by saying I’m not entirely convinced any middle aged guy should own a Facebook, it just doesn’t sit right with me, my opinion is social media platforms should be the preserve of teenagers also lonely disconnected mums/moms who’s sole wish is to keep in touch with their friends………………I have female relatives who are on Facebook!

(My lol jumped up opinions only, feel free to disagree with these early evening thoughts and musings 🙂 )

Having said all that Facebook is the effective way to share WordPress posts, it makes sense to share your thoughts with circles of close friends on Twitter etc because blogging can be a lonely place, I understand this but I write because it’s good for my mental health, and no I’m afraid I won’t be appearing on a Facebook near you anytime sooon. 🙂 

©A. Shepherdson 2018

 

Kissing girls

Original & © A. Shepherdson. (#humour 🙂 )

(A free shout out to ‘Taylors of Oxford’ Deli!)

First off let me say I’m NOT homophobic, far from it, I’m a ‘live and let live’ kind of guy (as Long as no one gets hurt 🙂 ) whatever makes you happy in life then that’s fine by me. I’ll go further and say a person’s colour or sexuality has NO bearing on me, I take people as I find them so yes ‘live and let live’ ❤ .

Having said that some readers may find my tale err slightly unnerving?
Let me begin. This evening I have a light hearted lesbian story for you, this truly happened oh and just quickly, bare in mind my WordPress is whatever captures my imagination at the time.

I’m fine with lesbians they even feature in a bedtime fantasy of mine, I’ll take a second glance at two women kissing in public, lick my lips ever so slightly only because they don’t bother me, I guess that’s because I’m a heterosexual guy. Then again perhaps the spectacle of two girls kissing in public makes straight women feel icky? Or perhaps social niceties mean we’re of the opinion there’s a time and a place………………. called the bedroom!

I’ll go further and say the sight of two guys openly kissing in public makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, now HOLDON lol before judging me! (He say’s 😉 with tongue firmly in cheek!) I should qualify that statement with I’m not tooo keen on heterosexual couples kissing in public either, making out in full view ‘smacks’ of ‘look at us we’re SO happy’ and I have a feeling the kissing show is intended to make people jealous………. to be honest I’m as jealous as hell.

(Btw did you know threesomes, a guy in bed with two naked lesbians, is a well known male fantasy?)

Course you did!

Am I of the opinion a homosexual couple kissing, for example at a Supermarket Deli counter, will corrupt young minds? No of course not, quite the opposite toddlers would gaze amused bemused and transfixed, and you never know unconcealed same sex affection could possibly make children more accepting? Ask their mum’s tricky questions about homosexuality?

Perhaps there lies the problem.

Now to my true tale, writing passes the evening!

Several years ago a work colleague and myself were standing in a rather long queue of customers waiting to be served at a Shop Deli counter, buying freshly made (and expensive) sandwiches. Well to cut a short story even shorter, directly in front of my friend stood two young women who I’d guess were Uni students. Lovely young women they were, one girl had an arm resting on her friends shoulder in such an affectionate way that it was quite obvious they were in love, gazing longingly into each other’s eyes and YES every so often kissing passionately on the lips! (Almost tongues inside!!)

So they were shamelessly in love, fabulous, and I’d guess everyone in the Deli was well aware of our young couple’s passion for each other.

Then to my utter astonishment! My friend rather loudly says to the two girls,

“That’s disgusting, do you have to do that?”

Well as you’d imagine for a second or two everyone in the shop stopped talking, a hush descended on the Deli with everyone turning and looking, only for a few seconds mind. What happened next was all very civilised, with a complete lack of drama, the girls gave my friend an annoyed stare, stopped petting and all shop life returned to normal as if the brief confrontational interlude had never ever happened.

A very typical reserved English reaction, no drama no arguing, the girl’s paid for whatever (I can’t remember) and leave. Then it’s myself and friend’s turn, we purchased our baguettes headed for the door taking us out into the Main Street, WHERE my friend turns to me and says,

“Where are those girls?…….. I changed my mind……I want to watch!”

Making us both smile as we walked back to work. (To be honest I think he felt a little embarrassed at causing a minor scene back there.) BUT in his defence the girls had p*ssed him off, made him feel very uncomfortable.

As for me, well I’ll have to be honest and say I didn’t mind watching a lesbian show of affection 😀

I could have added for literary effect, the girls were within earshot, an argument ensued, but no the two lovers had disappeared perhaps off to bed? (Hmm there’s a thought 😉 ) And we two reverted back to topical male only conversations, lesbians kissing is a little filthy and quite amusing BUT there’s a time and a place! I never did ask him why he became so angry.

However speaking for myself, if two guys had been kissing and petting in that same Deli, making out directly in front of me in the queue, I’m here to tell you lol I’d become increasingly annoyed to point where I’d no longer be able to hold my tongue, and I’m positive I would politely say,

“Do you mind that’s disgusting!”

Now remember I’m not homophobic but I’ll be honest and say watching two men kissing makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, perhaps male on male intimacy is something I should be more accepting of? What do you think? Being serious for a second, perhaps we’re just biologically programmed to feel uncomfortable watching our identified gender being over intimate with, err a person of the same sex, men or women? Hmm questions for anthropologists to answer.

Does anyone care? No 😀 I say live and let live!

Feel free to share your thoughts in comments below…………. make them harsh lol.

(One final thought before I go, I’d still love a threesome with two naked lesbians, a male erotic fantasy if ever there was one!)

 

© A. Shepherdson 2018

 

Erotica – bucket lists

PLEASE don’t ever take this post tooo seriously, strictly just for fun.

My WordPress has been rather tooo sensible up to now, and I’ve drunk tooo much coffee tonight, jeeze I’m wired and jumpy as hell, so time me thinks for a candid honest and light hearted sx filled post.

4fdfa67426cc217e75b2b74ddcf83688I’m not a guy who’s turned on by pornography, in truth it bores me rigid, but yes I’m the first to admit Lust is my deadliest sin, I’m not a perv mind. it’s only I do enjoy observing the fair sx note age18+.

 

Every workday morning I arrive at the bus stop invariably to the rear of a certain young lady (at a safe distance note, age19) gorgeous she is, and a-typical bookworm in the purest sense of the word…… read on!

I’m a people watcher in the nicest sense of the word, aren’t we all? 

From the second I first see this bus stop girl to the second she disappears out of view, with head held high, the graceful stride of a female gazelle, she gazes into an open book held but 10 inches from her face. The young lady never stops reading books, an unusual vision to behold, incredible in all my years I’ve never witnessed the like of her before. Jeeze just think of all those wonderful tales and storylines her mind has gorged on, hmm are they romance and sx? If passion and intimacy is her favoured genre then she must be the horniest of ladies, hmm she looks a horny filthy lady, anyways I’m getting off the point.

Is there a point? 

More often than I end up behind the young lady, and unless you travel by bus you’ll not understand that where people position themselves around a bus stop is a science, there’s a lot of social etiquette here. It’s a painfully tedious picture to paint so I won’t!

And yes we do pass the time of day, pleasantries have you will, the weather and other such niceties and all those stories you’ve heard that Brits love talking about the weather, lol absolutely true! 

However.

I can’t help feeling in situations like these, if say an older guy tries to be tooo friendly with a slip of a lady how does he come across, over friendly? Trying to pull? Pervy? If he does then that’s all a little sad then again perhaps that’s why I’m single, you have to chat to these unfathomable creatures that confuse me so.

However yuck she does smoke roll your ciggy’s though, a disgusting habit, and apologies if I’ve mentioned this beauty once before but I write as I think with no idea where a post will take me! (Remember all trace of my previous blog got deleted, lol don’t care if you don’t believe me anyway 😛 )

This lady with the blackest of jet black shoulder length hair is not stunningly beautiful to look at then again I’m no frigging oil painting myself, but what she lacks in beauty she makes up for in sweetness and her slender size 8 figure, a definite size 8 body going by our size obsessed media. Absolutely stunning she is, slim, perfectly proportioned and joy of joys she wears tight body hugging leggings, black and stretchy they are revealing EVERY trim contour, and this slip of a goddess has the most perfect leg line you could EVER wish to see, all leading to a pert bottom with plump ass cheeks that resemble an ‘err’ a peach! That most sweet and succulent of soft fruits.

Yes I’ll stand behind her and gaze down at her peachy ass, no doubt to a casual bystander I’ve the look of wonderment written across my face, I’m not odd but the jury’s out, I just adore femininity whatever age or size as long as they’re age appropriate of course. The only trouble is by the time I’m seated (I sit upstairs so I can look down ladies blouses as the get aboard, she sits on the lower deck) and as my ass hits the seat my dick is bucking and twitching inside my boxer shorts.

(Btw if a guy has the opportunity he will ALWAYS take a sideways glance down an unbuttoned blouse or plunging neckline………… we won’t admit but we all do!

And better still she wears a complete absence of visible panty lines, so as I gaze transfixed at her ass crack I cannot help wondering if she wears a thong or no knickers, do good girls ever go commando? Either way such a sensually erotic young lady 😛

I should point out at this conjuncture, with #MeToo firmly in mind I realise yes I’m objectifying the female form here, though I’m of the opinion a guy can observe (and write nonsense such as this) however he must never put his hand inside the sweetie jar.

Look but never ever touch!

Later come summertime when temperatures rise, she’ll be returning to her closet draw for those tight white tee shirts once again, (I’ll chat about her boobs another day lol), then by the time I reach my seat I’ll either pass out or c’max in my boxers! Holy ##ck, gorgeous fit women are getting tooo much for my broken heart, I fear the local News will run a story one morning, where a middle age man was found dead on the bus!

(Btw I’ve a serious far from flippant post themed #MeToo following sooon, it’s in my drafts. Does anyone read my WordPress or is this a platform, a tool to link prose to Twitter and Facebook? Hmm interesting.)

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