I love my penis…… also thoughts of middle aged female bloggers

As I’ve said before the average length of an erect human penis is 131.2mm, I guess only a lady can tell you if that 0.2mm is important to her or not?

Self indulgent musings, but hey.

Women! This is how they seduce you, they smile sweetly whilst playing the giggly eighteen year old girl with their puppy eyes and pouting rosy red lips, dexterous fingers working their sensual magic curled around my penis and then charge me £70 for the pleasure of said sexy massage with a happy ending (it’s the happy ending you’re paying for), I honestly don’t think women fully understand (or utilize) the sexual power they have over men!

Blah blah blah………. before I meander down a road of self indulgent brag fest, I should like to say I ONLY ever follow female Bloggers aged 35-55 quite simply because they’ve lived a life good and bad with stories to tell, experiences to share, heartbreaking or hilarious honesty you’ll not find written by a nineteen year old nymphet, who’s biggest worry in life is finding her prince charming, that elusive soulmate they’re utterly convinced is waiting be discovered, to whisk them off their feet, fall in love, marry and give them lots of cute babies. Young female bloggers are so upbeat positive and adorable yet bland naïve and sometimes wearing, you can only read so many tales of the day her pet bunny rabbit escaped (happened) or a drought of suitable f***-buddies on Tinder before their Blog becomes well you get the idea bless them 🙂 .

You want Real Life warts and all? Then Follow a middle aged female writer for insight real life and hilarity! (Way tooo many metaphors in my postings, have some imagination Andrew!)

So how to tie the threads of a self indulgent introduction, well several week’s ago whilst reading a lady’s Blog comment thread, I noticed another woman’s reply ‘how many people are happy with their own bodies?’ And me being me I just couldn’t help myself replying ‘yeh the length of my dick’……….. I got away with that conceit because the writer in question has a naughty sense of humour, and now I’m reminded of two comments said by ladies I’ve slept with……………. “can we do it with you on top Andrew because you’re long and it hurts”, and with another “I like to ride cowgirl cause I like it deep”……hmm no accounting for women’s quirky likes or fetishes but I am rather proud of the length of my penis….just sayin lol.

And while I’m here tell me, do women’s pussy’s actually drip wet as all those erotic writers keep telling us?

But then all men are in love with their dicks, insecure worrying as to said girth and length, anxious they cannot keep the ‘old man’ hard as iron for as long as their partner wishes. Do you know sex isn’t always enjoyable for a guy when he’s fretting if the lady is enjoying herself or not. I’ve ‘slept’ a missionary position performing a rhythmically pumping stroke yet enduring an out of body experience as my mind and concentration delays climaxing or if you wanna get mystical about it, reaching that joyous two second nirvana, nature’s signal for a groin convulsing release of creamy ejaculate deep inside the core of her body. I’ve often laid there imagining how close the tip of my penis is to certain lady’s internal organs, so near and touchable but for a thin membrane of skin.

I’ve enjoyed writing about women and sex and yes I’m very proud of the length of my Penis 160mm is above average, not gigantic in girth mind you but I’m more than happy when gazing down upon ‘him’, did you know there’s a Pornstar named Mandingo who’s blessed with a 300mm BBC (work it out please!) and from what few videos I have watched these black gentlemen understand ‘how to use them’ yet just as incredible are the white skinned blondes who’ll physically take such a great length………………..wow what troopers! Anyways I’ve a posting on here themed Penis facts and just so as you know, extensive internet research informs me 160mm is above average which (sporting a beaming smile) makes me very VERY happy.

Btw current political correctness states referring to a guy as black skinned with good reason is ok, and have you deduced what BBC stands for yet?

A. Shepherdson 2021

Me (Andrew) aged 18 years

Untitled
This is me aged 18 a young fresh faced engineering apprentice, cheeky and smiling the photograph having been taken at work by my apprentice trainer, why an earth he was taking my photograph God only knows?…………… I’m wondering is he still with us? A great guy.

Big sigh, I gaze at this photo and think to myself ‘where an earth have those thirty four years gone?’ I look at my cheeky grin and wonder ‘which of my young friends am I looking across at?’ I can remember for certain feeling embarrassed and someone close by was making some sort of funny comment………. happy days I’m so pleased I discovered this photo as for a full head of hair I’m saying nothing!

I know it’s been a while but for the first time in many months I’m happy, not so depressed and feeling positive about life because Britain appears to be reopening for business, yesterday my Boss phoned to say I may be unfurloughed and return to work Monday Morning! Fingers crossed and there’ll be a posting from there for sure.

After ten weeks of legally enforceable home detention, only a single days exercise to purchase groceries from the Supermarket, perhaps the occasional illegal visit to my mother’s for a natter and shared cup of tea, yes due to unexpected political reasons Britain is rushing out of lockdown. You may be aware last weekend our Government completely trashed it’s corona virus health policy just so as to save one political advisor, the name of Dominic Cummings might ring a bell, all I can add is this very obnoxious arrogant Machiavellian civil servant MUST be deemed so important as to justify offending the entire nation and we really are angry. Never again will Johnson be able to call on the public to make sacrifices and follow his clear health instructions, with one lie all trust and compliance disappeared in the space of hours, so now we know, rules are made for us little people to follow yet are there to be broken by the ruling elite, but isn’t that the way it’s always been?

Military Generals strategize and plan their war campaigns, but it’s only the Privates who die in the trenches, time to move on, open schools and universities, get people back to work earning money and to be honest I’m not tooo disappointed, it’s all a question of expectations and in hindsight I’d never have expected Cummings to obey the Law anyway.

Google ‘Dominic Cummings broke the rules’ if you’re intrigued, then again I wouldn’t bother.

I’ll be completely honest, as I always am on this WordPress, the first thought crossing my mind after attaching this picture of my 18 year old self was err sex! Unsurprisingly my first hypothetical question to female (or lol male) readers is, if you met this guy way back in the day 1983/4 might you have slept with this young virgin? Lol don’t answer but just so as you know this pleasant anxious guy had many issues about his looks also low self esteem to such a point he never got laid until many years later, 123 ahhhh. What plays on my mind lol today and after many recent liaisons with older women, I’m feeling disheartened because I remember opportunities presented themselves on certain evenings out say no more, and occasional readers to this Blog might already be aware (they won’t so humour me) just might remember I hadn’t yet masturbated myself to orgasm still at age 18! I know unbelievable or what!

All I can add is we lived in different more innocent times, I’m the product of a school with appalling sex education policies because incredible as it may sound to some, I hadn’t yet worked out how to use my penis properly more’s the point like most people I guess I can’t say I was overly concerned. Yes I’d purchased a second hand copy of ‘Penthouse magazine’ from my friend ‘Paul Suker’, money and pornographic contraband exchanging hands one sports afternoon in the school gymnasium changing rooms, but and this still makes me angry today ( 😀 ) just imagine the years of pleasurable me time I’d missed out on? Am I unique or were many other girls and boys of the 70s equally as naïve?

Anyways back in the good old days and yes they were, sex was rarely spoken about and MOST DEFINITLEY content WASN’T as readily accessible as now……….. just imagine my 1980s TV had 3 Channels and one of those was the BBC and if ‘auntie Beeb’ ever made the cardinal sin of showing a pair of naked female breasts on screen, questions WOULD have been asked in The Houses of Parliament, I kid you not, ‘The Viewers and Listeners Society’ that powerful 1970’s self appointed moral compass of the nation would have cited obscenity laws and executive BBC heads might have rolled.

I’m of an older generation you see (I’m old) I’d yet to use a computer for the first time, the internet and www were the stuff of science fiction films and possibly a day dream eureka moment sparking Steve Jobs imagination, as of this very moment I could google ‘naked woman’, press return and well you get the idea, yes I’d kissed girls but as yet never consensually groped let alone sex. The photo above brings back so many returning memories, break times of listening to fellow apprentice dating tales (or bs stories who knows), secondhand lurid accounts of fingering girlfriends the evening before and yes young men spare few details in close company, hmm… I guess that’s how unfortunate young ladies garner a ‘bad’ reputation, then again I have a sense girls are NO different when chatting amongst friends.

Anyways moving on!

I discovered the above photograph whilst clearing out my spare room, thirty plus years have passed by for heavens sake, and gazing at my youthful cheeky grinned self again I can remember this moment snapped in time as if yesterday, in hindsight I don’t lol think I was such a bad looking young man, perhaps if I’d been a little more cavalier on our apprentice nights out together, not been as shy also blessed with the self confidence and silver tongues possessed by several colleagues, looking back I know I passed on opportunities (judge me), you don’t need reminding thoughts of sex cross a young mans imagination once every 3 minutes. Back in the day at breaktimes, we fifteen used to sit on a wall outside the apprentice training college and watch attractive young women walk past, and whether you ‘men hating lesbian feminists’ agree with me or not, these young women adored the admiring looks and good natured attention. Happy days.

Err not the posting I’d intended to write, but not to worry sooon I might be back at work which makes me very happy 🙂 . 

A. Shepherdson 2020

‘Over and down your Mons Pubis’

🙂 #Fun erotica.

750c295af810e68052f9a779c06d7692
……..and you should have seen the ‘googled’ pics I could’ve used 😮

Or the art of enjoying cunnilingus and fellatio during a crisis.

Lockdown oral? Err sounds a little like a weird sexual fetish involving chains padlocks, gleaming patent black bustiers and micro skirts made of PVC, black leather boots shrouding a ‘Dom’s’ creamy white thighs, and bedroom wardrobes large enough to lock a guy inside….. apparently? No don’t be silly, I’m of course referring to couples having sex whilst voluntary cocooned in COVID-19 isolation, sorry, house arrest or legally enforceable home detention now that Boris’s emergency legislation is enshrined in British Law.

He f#cked up but that’s politics for you, now let’s return to my posting about sex 😀 .

I’m beginning to feel jealous of all you happily married couples, you know, laying in bed together early mornings, gently awakening your beloved with a stroking rhythmically sensual hand relief the perfect start to a stressful lockdown day, or gifting hubby a relaxing sensory bj now that you have all this free time on your hands, oh and sloppy wet which goes without saying, slurps of drooling warm saliva lubricating his purple bellend, your mouth wide open full, the tip of your tongue kissing his perineum sure to put any man in a good mood for the remaining day, hmm I’d guess blowing hubby regularly is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

And perhaps if you are a lucky girl, after he’s ‘come’ and you’ve either spat or swallowed, he’ll then gently roll you over laying a warm to touch hand on your tummy, gently circle his dextrose fingertips that drag and pull at the skin sending tingles down your spine, releasing pleasurable chemicals into your brain. The anticipation of a touch to your kitty making the arch of your back wriggle and squirm, your needful body now pleading to be pleasured by orgasm. Though his idle hand won’t linger long before a smoothing silky skinned palm moves down below, slipping beneath your pantie hemline you hardly notice the delicate lacy fabric being lifted and disturbed, and now inside your damp cotton underwear an open hand glides over and down your mons pubis, the involuntary signal to part your thighs ever so slightly more, divide that precious curtained entry to your cave of jewels emeralds and rubies, folds of sticky labia parting to reveal kitten soft skin and the unspoken invitation to touch your moistened wet kitty.

Yes after blowing your betrothed an early morning orgasm, he’ll be excited enough to return your favour, of course he’ll slip off your delicate underwear from shapely legs, his firm hand now pulling at your inner thigh as he repositions himself between wide parted legs, the wider you stretch tight muscles the wider your vaginal canal will be, now aroused ‘bucking’ and hard again, he’s invited to nuzzle his face deep into your pleasure garden and feast upon your sweet nectar, you gasp throw your head back as the tip of his tongue dances like a twirling skater on ice……..….jeeze writing this nonsense has given even me a hard on! Way tooo many metaphors Andrew! 😀

Blissfully happy you’ll lay deep into soft cotton bedding wanting his cunnilingus skills to last forever, well at least until you’d ‘come’! And hopefully IMPORTANTLY climaxing before freshly woken children run to the bathroom spoiling the fun, then again I guess you could both do a ’69 position’ and cut the foreplay time by half? Yep I wish I was married, I’m sooo jealous of all you lucky horny couples now gifted hours of free time to enjoy early morning sex and (lockdown) Oral.

 

(Written Just or Fun and spare a thought for me, I haven’t slept with a woman in well over a month.)

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Selling your body for money

So what to make of today’s Title? To begin with 4 of my past 5 postings have all been corona virus themed, I’ve enjoyed the creative writing process however 4 is quite enough for the present. Not to worry, I’ve revisited my draft postings and blown the dust off this masterpiece languishing unloved and unpublished! It’s politically incorrect (if not darned right illegal) and morally questionable, out of synque with present day social distancing regulations (a frigging understatement if there ever was one!) but I’ve decided to publish (yeh Andrew keep calling yourself a writer) and be damned….  now I’ll quit apologising and allow you to decide if selling your ass for money could ever be considered acceptable.

We’re all prostitutes of a sort, we can all be bought if the price is high enough, can’t we?

Note this posting isn’t a movie review however it is an Indecent Proposal!

**********************************************

l;jhI’m going to pose a rather delicate question, however hold on before scrolling down to take a peek.

Do you remember the motion picture ‘Indecent Proposal’ starring the fabulous Woody Harlesden, sexy Demi Moore and screen icon Robert Redford. The premise of the film is Woody and Demi, a young beautiful hipster couple are truly madly deeply in love, besotted with each other, just understand if you’ve never watched the film, the movie’s narrative never stops reminding you Woody and Demi have discovered their soul mates…… yes each other.

Forgot to mention they’re newly married.

Now for the plot twist, into this highly watchable tale appears the cool and charismatic Robert Redford, still to this day one of the most beautiful of men to have starred on the silver screen. Well to cut a long story short (and I ain’t gonna worry about giving away spoilers, Indecent Proposal was released in 1993 for heavens sake!) Robert Redford falls for Demi’s character and why an earth wouldn’t he, a combination of both carnal lust and a long distant memory of a similar lady he once loved, Redford offers the two lovers an indecent proposal of one million dollars for ONE night in bed with Demi……. do I really have to detail the sex scene in their Hotel room? No lol.

Ok Redford #@&^%$ Demi and they fell in love……. why wouldn’t she? And how dumb was Woody?

So now I pose the question, and just be aware I’m pathologically obsessed with this moral dilemma, wouldn’t you agree everyone has a monetary price for a night’s passion with their partner? Don’t they? Many couples allow their partner a gimme’, you know a sexy movie actor/actress they’d begrudgingly happily allow them to sleep with, an amusing hypothetical game which will never be tested in Court.

But returning to my indecent proposal, can you envisage a price for a night’s passion with your partner? If the relationship is on the cusp of divorce then the answer’s easy, take the money, divide two ways and run, however if you’re deeply in love with your betrothed possibly sharing children, would you say “no sum is large enough”, or would you sell a night’s passion with your wife or husband if only for a new house car and spending money!

Like I said this conundrum often crosses my mind when say sitting in a train station’s waiting room, two lovers walk past holding hands wander past and I muse ‘would they?’…………… Well you’ve got to keep an imagination busy when bored out your brains!

Now for a (really) Indecent Proposal.

Ok let’s take my narrative one step further, in a creepier weirdo direction. Remember my previous post Yoga Pants (true) story, imagine yourself  for a second walking a path dividing a grassy green common alone, oh and you’re a WOMAN! When all of a sudden a rather well dressed guy appears beside you, the pair of you began chatting about the nice weather you’ve been enjoying or the like, you trust any motives, the banter’s friendly making you feel comfortable and at ease, then the pervert rascal asks you “how much money to squeeze your ass cheeks Miss?”

Holy crap what do you say?

Bearing in mind your two hands are laden down by grocery carrier bags meaning you cannot smack him round the cheeks, you know, drop the bags smashing the eggs and jam jars. Well after the initial shock passes and you didn’t feel particularly threatened (ok just run with my creepy proposal… and I know you’re unconvinced), the friendly conversation continues if a little nervously, that’s until he offers you that indecent proposal!

(The woman is offered £20)…….. “you can #%& off!”

£30 ………..‘where’s a policeman when I need one’

£40 ………. ‘is he for real?’

£50 ………. ‘I think he’s for real’

£60 ……….‘well the daughter does need new shoes’

£70 ………. ‘ok I’m interested’………. ‘but how much higher will he go?’

£80 ……….‘I can’t believe I’m tempted’

£90 ……….‘omg the wallet’s out of his pocket!’

£100!…………

Would you glance around to see if anyone’s watching, swiftly accept the money and whisper,

“Go on… get behind me…. you can squeeze my ass cheeks…… but nothing more mind!!”

Lol where’s the problem? Who’s to know? And by this point you’ll have guessed I’m convinced every woman will prostitute herself agree to be propositioned if the amount is large enough…….. and before you say,

“No guy would pay £100 to touch my ass”,

You’d be surprised, male fantasies and fetishes have no limits, trust me there are men who’d pay for the thrill of squeezing a married woman’s buttocks, sleep with her for £1000s even but I’m not going there, sexual prostitution’s a whole different Posting!

😀 A. Shepherdson 2020 

‘Looking fab in Yoga Pants’ (2)

Short story Fiction and please allow me a little credit 🙂 . 

Anyways, here’s my (very) amateurish attempt at writing a fictional tale……… and if you absolutely must leave the home? Remember to keep your distance from fellow human beings, I know it’s difficult but far from impossible, like you all I’m trying 🙂 .

10f90_yoga_pants2C_girl_cleaning2
You won’t be surprised to know a website GIRLSINYOGAPANTS.COM actually exists!

***************************************************

I’ll admit to feeling a touch sexually excited, I’ve just returned home from the High Street with a pint of milk in hand, purchasing a little food because I refuse to panic buy and hoard. To my credit I observed a walking distance from others, but one has to make dry porridge oats at least taste palatable. Such are the chaotic times we live in, today it’s a simple joy to stretch my legs and feel the warmth of a spring morning sun upon my face, and who knows? Perhaps today will be my final walk in the sunshine for a while as Britain’s lockdown bites!

Gotta keep positive.

Yesterday evening I felt very down and depressed, but seeing a few happy smiling faces wandering around the Market Square quite cheered me up, btw to a person laden down with carrier bags of non perishable groceries however I will never point a scolding finger, such are the uncertain times we live in I’ve been guilty of a little hoarding as the rest of you, we human’s are anxious creatures and storing pantry food is a way of gaining back control……… perhaps we’re closer to lazy hibernating hedgehogs than we’d care to admit?

Oh yes I’m feeling a touch sexually excited! Truth be told considerably more than a touch because for the past fifteen minutes my jean’s crotch has been near bursting at its seams, penis tingling sensations pulsing along a shaft making it as hard as hard can be, and if you’re curious sporting the mother of all erections to such an extent I could hardly walk!

Having just purchased milk to keep me going over this weekend, a versatile staple food with so many culinary permutations, quite by chance I happened to be tailing two young women. lol keeping two metres to their rears as you should do 😛 ! Two care free happy girls also returning with their delicious booty. (Age appropriate which goes without saying!) Both slim figured slender and tall which is just how I fantasise them, one wore a bottom covering winter jacket, the other a salmon coloured jersey with black skin tight Yoga Pants, inadequate figure hugging material now shimmering against the low sunlight and you wish to know more? Her willowy toned legs were so smooth in appearance they just might have been spray painted black, and I mused! Oh yes I mused ‘how much to squeeze those ‘two buns’ Miss?’

But I cannot! I mean I wouldn’t cause you gotta remember to social distance at all times, and phew just so as you know I never have done nor ever will!……. Gotta get that one out!

(However doesn’t very woman attach a price on her body? A monetary value ‘slapped’ on her ass however prim and proper she may be, or how desperately she’s in need of cash, hmm so how much would she have charged to let me squeeze…… just sayin! 😀 Btw grasp this thought, I just may revisit my contentious ‘if illegal’ indecent proposal.)

Mesmerised I was! The sideways displacement of her child bearing hips a joy to behold, two plump round buttock cheeks quivering in time to each walking pace as only a female human can do, and gazing ever deeper into her pert round ass, bright sunlight illuminated the tenuously thin material to such an extent the Yoga Pants appeared translucent. Yes I could just see a hint of milky white skin through this unbelievably erotic garment, a G-string in place of panties her ass betraying a glorious feminine sexuality………. omg I couldn’t overt my gaze for ONE WHOLE quarter an hour!

And if you’re curious she didn’t once glance behind to see who was following, anyways even if she had, and noticed my pint of milk she’d assume I’d been grocery shopping the same as everyone else. Today I had intended to write a fourth corona virus themed post on the trot, yes more comment may well follow but I just had to take a break, forget about this awful viral catastrophe and mused why not lighten the mood sharing a sexy tale.

Even within these depressing times it’s funny how the sight of a pretty girl’s wobbly ass cheeks still brings a smile to my face, a little joy to my heart, uplifting jaded spirits and reminding me it’s the simple pleasures in life that make life worth living.

And finally, if you really must leave your homes remember to socially distance! Now I must do something about this damned rock hard erection……. any ideas please?

One final word writing, Blogging, dreaming of trim asses keeps me sane!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Looking fab in Yoga Pants! (1)

***Don’t be overly shocked! These 2 Posts kept me out of mischief…. corona virus and all 😦 ***

beautiful-girls-in-skin-tight-yoga-pants-23
Yep I’ve been a-surfing the www again, omg 😮 how an earth does she pull this look off?

Tell me if I’m wrong but is this young lady wearing Yoga Pants? Whatever they’re called they leave little to the imagination and not at all good for a middle aged guy’s ‘ticker!’

I’m not a huge fan of GIFs however I couldn’t resist these 6. You’ll see a great many of these around Oxford pre-lockdown, swinging hips and wobbly buttock cheeks are awesome and if one’s really lucky perhaps a glimpse of kitty…… whoever kitty is? Well at least I’m honest 😀 .

So here’s a question and remember I’m not sexist, at what age should a woman throw her own pair into a trash bin? Lol I’m genuinely curious!

To be continued……………..

A. Shepherdson 2020

Happy Mother’s Day

I’ve sexy photographs for all you middle aged moms to enjoy? Now don’t lie, I read your blog posts so I know you’re all sexually frustrated mares at heart 🙂 , btw how is it anatomically possible for a vagina to take that inside? ………… Anyways here’s a Just For Fun posting and try to enjoy Mother’s Day tomorrow.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

 

My ‘strawberry blonde’ Webcam babe

(So how to make sense of today’s posting? Hopefully it’s a fun read and will alter any preconceptions you may already have.)

I hope you’re having a lovely Sunday…… might spring have arrived early?

2
A Webcam ‘babe’ earning money from the comfort of her own bedroom….. and why not 🙂

Am I guilty of being a life loser? Or a guy with a healthy interest in social media and (within reason) most topics internet related? You decide 🙂 , oh and with a healthy respect of women which GOES without saying, incidentally the beautiful strawberry blonde below just might be named ‘Sasha’? 

6
Sasha’s performing a private show and notice her Tip Menu to the rhs, putting on socks = 27 tokens – and naked oil show = 777!

1
‘Sasha’… not her real actual name, but Sasha kinda fits my tale

I agree a touch long and not for everyone but I enjoyed writing this, hmm might I be on the cusp of my first ever addiction?……… You gotta agree she has fabulous boobs!

If I’m at a loose end, bored of surfing the net or organising my online finances, more ‘not than often’ I turn to an adult online chatline called and yes I will name the site, called ‘Chatbate’. Not that original bringing together the two words ‘Chat’ and ‘bate’ as in masturbate. BUT note I never do, I’ll never visit the private chatroom of an attractive lady to kneel in front of my laptop screen jerking off. Nope never ever happens, honest!

BTW if you are curious each token’s worth £0.08.

So judge me for admitting such a heinous blasphemy and alas I never tip them money in the form of tokens, I’m a little guilty about that, I guess I’m what’s known as a freeloader, you know watching a woman undress for free…… I would though, then I read chatbates terms and conditions, holy blank they were scary reading, long story short you basically handover your email address also bank details to a Californian porn company, leaving them to share the info with god knows who…. Russian gangsters?….. Nope not going to happen even though there is one certain young lady I’d love to tip, but the financial risk aint worth it.

I’m genuinely a touch dejected about that.

Judge me!

I guess I fit the profile of lonely middle aged man, and my retort would be so what, Chatbate is legal and regulated, user friendly for over 18year olds, morally acceptable in content with friendly conversation I’d liken tooo blogging…….. oh not forgetting, separate Rooms of women young and old, hustling to make a little money and that’s ok lol.

Knowing what I do of the sex industry many ladies will be sole breadwinners, many will have young children, there’ll be no glittering academic education with not so many employable skills. So what do they do to make money? They rent a chatroom fitted with streamed webcam, and do whatever they feel comfortable with AND always abiding by legally regulated house rules, ie nothing that breaks law such as consuming drink no drugs, no children present, no penetrative sex, no animals etc…….

In other words all good clean fun where all parties understand that fun is making money, the dictionary definition of hustle. You ARE hustling for a living, I am, so are they, so is everyone.

Agreed?

I’m the last man to pass a scolding opinion, these global ladies are hustling earning money to live and pay the bills, students to pay grants, and I guess their consumers are lonely middle aged guys who enjoy conversing (via chatlogs) with women and friendships are formed, with engaging witty female conversationalists earning good sometimes fantastic money, the bigger the outgoing personality, exponentially the more they’ll earn and if they do get some asshole chiming in with disgusting comments then all she has to do is kick him out and they do!

Oh and they have to remember men are watching as they remove items of clothing….. yep they’ll be jacking off….. and that’s ok….. I guess lol.

Talking of stripping, you readers maybe wonder what ‘activities’ do the online women actually get up to? Invariably they have a menus of do’s, beginning with several pre-purchased tokens for a smile, several thousands more for a masturbation show, with reasonable amounts in-between for the removal of bras or panties. Then again, some ladies are strictly tease only without removing underwear, perhaps only bra flashing or showing their ass wearing panties to the camera…….. men cannot ask direct requests, and the women cannot ‘badger’ men into handing over money I guess both scenarios are classed as bullying and or extorsion… like I said all legally regulated vanilla fun between consenting adults.

I don’t sit and gaze at these women hour after hour, no read an earlier post for frigs sake, I’m out 12 hours a day working for a living, but yes when home, making tea, and if a certain young lady is working yes I’ll watch her from my laptop afront the microwave oven, not religiously mind you. ‘Sasha’ has a Bio which reads she’s age 23 living in Eastern Europe and you have to agree is an absolutely stunning young woman, she answer’s questions from the attendees in her room, ‘giggles’ and smiles a lot, is very engaging with a warm personality and an all round lovely lady, nothing seedy mind you, her chosen occupation is to work 4 hours a day hustling for money but just differently to the rest of us, oh and reading the chat log which can be highly entertaining reading! Then every so often a guy will pay a considerable amount of money for a bra off, or even more to take her into Private chat, the screen goes blank black for ten minutes where I guess she strips off her sexy underwear and performs a full female masturbation show for his enjoyment…….. and who knows if the guy’s jerking off….. my guess is yes….. and why wouldn’t he?

I guess all I’m saying is, these women aren’t morally bankrupt, agreed?

So judge me, lol the choice is watching YouTube videos and reading blogs while I wash the dishes lol, I don’t watch TV News and time to time I occasionally gaze at lovely ‘Sasha’ from Eastern Europe laying on her bed removing wearing sexy underwear, perhaps once in a while revealing a shaved kitty or removing her bra for a minute or so…….. I guess the skill is NOT to become emotionally attached to a fantasy for we human’s have inherent addictive personalities, whether drink drugs tobacco or idealised women, I can see scenarios where guys fall in love with these ladies hustling for a living.

Nope addiction won’t ever happen to me.

Incidentally and if you’re at all interested, I never watch pornography, the sight of actors copulating disgusts and bores me to frigging tears……… in-fact pornsites should be banned from the web if only because children access them.

So my question is… if pushed would you be happy to strip naked for money?

A. Shepherdson 2020

At least I can still get an ERECTION!

Tagged #Just For Fun and #sex-education info with no… and I do mean NO accompanying dick selfies, that’s just plain disgusting and just so as you know I’ve never texted one in my life nor ever will. 

Regular readers to this WordPress just might remember a recent Birthday post, lol probably not, well one particular phrase has been ‘pricking’ my imagination ever since….. 

“But I can still achieve an erection so ‘phew’ life’s not all bad.”

……… so I guess that makes this evening’s a prompted response? Incidentally pictured below a cartoon lifted from the net……. made me smile, 🙂

mmnbb

A question for you, do dick jokes make you laugh? If the answer’s yes, I’ve 3 Male erection jokes lifted from the internet and hopefully you’ll find them as amusing as I did 🙂… though keep in mind I’ve the sense of humour of a 13year old, but then haven’t all men?

1: The Priest and the Nun

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation and after a long period of silence, the Priest spoke:

‘Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.’
‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’
‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’
‘Anything, Father.’
‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’
‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that would do any harm.’

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty:

‘Father, could I ask something of you?’
‘Yes, Sister?’
‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’
‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied, lifted his robe, and almost immediately he was sporting a huge erection.
‘Sister, you know that if I insert this in the right place, it can breath new life!’
‘Is that true Father?’
‘Yes, it is, Sister.’
‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … now stick it in our camel and let’s get the fuck out of here!’

2: A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and asks the man to bend over, he inserts a finger in his ass and begins the checkup.

After a minute or so the doctor says, “Don’t worry, it’s very normal to get an erection during this exam.”

A little confused, the man turned and replied, “But I don’t have an erection?”

Doctor. “Yeh I know… but I do!” 

3: Two guys standing on the end of a pier, peeing.

“Man that water’s cold.”

“Sure is — deep, too.”

All very tame reading, anyways they made me laugh and I did enjoy the Nun and Priest story.

5-penis-erection-pixologicstudioscience-photo-library
I should just like to point out NOT my own Smart phone case

So before reading this evening’s posting, tell me honestly could you explain the biological mechanics to a guy achieving an erection? Well truthfully I couldn’t have, still at the age of 54 my erect penis is as hard as a rod of iron, and being serious fo a second I thank the Lord I’m still able to get it up……… omg I cannot imagine the mental anguish and emotional suffering erectile dysfunction brings to a marraige, I’m not fooling around, any medical condition is awful and truly upsetting fot those concerned 😦 .

What IS an Erection?
An erection starts in your brain. Something you saw, felt, smelled, heard, or thought makes your nerves send chemical messages to the blood vessels in your penis. The arteries relax and open up to let more blood flow in; at the same time, the veins close up. Once blood is in the penis, pressure traps it within the corpora cavernosa. Your penis expands and holds the erection. When the inflow of blood stops and the veins open, your penis becomes soft.

cockring-placement-picture-900x900-300x300Having never used a cock ring in my life before, I’d suggest the point to this sex-aid will be trapping blood within the penis thereby holding his erection, and then I guess you can enjoy sexual relations to your heart’s content? Or until the kitty feels chafed and a little sore?

……. and again tell me honestly, did you know the biological definition of Ejaculation? I didn’t before this evening, I’d suggest we’ve either been on the receiving end of one, or have masturbated since being small children and just so as you know I jack off no more than three times a week, which according to the internet is about a guy’s average, the regularity dependant on whether our secretary at work flashes her right boob in my direction. I nearly ejaculated right in middle of a Group meeting for heaven’s sake!

What IS an Ejaculation?
When you’re aroused, tubes called the vas deferens squeeze sperm from the testes toward the back of the urethra. The seminal vesicles also release fluid there.
The urethra senses the sperm and fluid mixture. Then, at the height of sexual excitement, it sends signals to your spinal cord, which in turn sends signals to the muscles at the base of your penis. These contract powerfully and quickly, every 0.8 seconds. This forces the semen out of the penis as you climax.

Women reveal on Twitter, they’ve had a frigging enough of men sending dick pictures, they’re neither fun or funny, more to the point disgusting enough to make them gag, and the act of texting is both sinister and predatory…. like I said, just so as you know I’ve never sent one in my life.

So what of me? And regular readers to this WordPress will know I love talking about meee. Well seeing as you’re interested thank the Lord I’ve never had trouble achieving or maintaining an erection, btw 160mm is above average and we all know how size matters to us men, we’re very insecure when discussing our penis lengths, and like I’ve said before I’m a 5 minute ride to copulation kinda guy, any thoughts of maintaining my hardness for 2 hour marathon sex sessions are a complete anathema, perhaps I should buy a cock ring?

Nah I’ll give rubber devices a miss.

A jewel of inspirirational thought ‘hit me’ around about my Birthday, perhaps not the momentous awful day itself, anyways there I was standing beneath a hot steaming shower, as hot as I can physically bare, and I can picture myself now gazing down at my flaccid softened penis and saying to myself  ‘omg you are over 50 years old!’ And yes we men do refer to our dicks as third party, now that’s a fair old age for such an important organ, over half a century we’ve been joined together and lol like I keep reaffirming, thank God the old man still works!

If ‘he’ no longer ejaculated, I’d honestly be beside myself with grief after enjoying a lifetime’s orgasmic pleasure, and still to this day I’m impressed by the visual display, watching it harden before my incredulous gaze, and the speed of erection never fails to astonish me, quite literally watching blood engorge from 50mm-160mm in less than 3 seconds is nothing short of amazing, and they harden at most inopportune sometimes embarrassing times,  jeeze the tricks nature plays can be simply breathtaking.

Talking of the women I have slept with (and you can read many a true tale here on my blog) my erect penis has never reduced a woman to laughter, when dropping my boxers I always make a point of watching her face, hoping for a reaction, perhaps a shy lick of the lips soon followed by warm palms working their magic on my member, stoking fondling rolling dextrous fingers around the bellend, and from my experience women very nearly love my erection as much as I do. Incredibly I’ve never had to ask a woman to take me in her mouth but then does any man? Hmm that always appears to be a voluntary reaction on seeing a penis she likes… because believe me when I say size matters!

AND thankfully women cannot talk when their mouth’s are full! 😀

Haha that’s quite enough silliness for one blog post, I was about to wax lyrical on the joy’s of penetration but I’ll leave that ‘masterpiece’ for another day……. yep in conclusion I do still love my erect penis 😊.

………….and finally to the British comedian Billy Connolly’s thoughts on getting old, “never ever waste an erection.”

So what’s your preferred length of erection? Discuss 😉 .

A. Shepherdson 2020

Algorithms & Wonderbra’s

#Tongue ‘firmly’ in cheek.

WordPress Statistics baffle me! How can a post written Sep 2018 be so popular today? 

After 2+ years, 2 blogs and writing 375+ posts A Woman’s Cleavage (a cautionary tale) is my most viewed ever! Bar none! And the past 4 months alone have been 33, 43, 43 and 39 (and still with 4 days to go!)

It’s baffling…. a mystery and I just don’t understand why? Why aren’t ALL my posts THIS popular, what happened to my favourite My neighbour IS a Stripper!

But lol dooo you care?

demean or empower
Omg! ❤

Screenshot from my blog

I am an occasional reader of Blog statistics, carefully peruse and scrutinize my popularity, it’s a boy thing, numbers matter, size matters I guess God hard wired us that way!🙄

Read More »

My Year in Blogging..… with a little life and sex thrown in for good measure

A post inspired by a favourite female blogger (or in other words I copied her idea?)

Wow another year blogging and all with 82 posts written, which was a genuine surprise seeing as I was absent for three months this summer, then again I’ve always written in fits and starts, when the urge takes me, but that’s ok because the best piece of blogging advice I’ve ever been given is, be honest to yourself also enjoy the process, and I’ve been at times recklessly honest but that’s been half the fun!

I put my lost writing mojo towards the back end of 2019 down to Brexit, there’s no coincidence my period away could be mirrored to depression and the current shambolic state of British politics….. in truth I’ve fallen out of love with this my country which is a crying shame.

Enough of politics for this is a politics free blog.

Now for WordPress popularity statistics that are so important to some, me included and I’d be lying if I said Comments don’t matter, I’d love more but that’s ok we all find an audience… oh and I will admit to being a bit of a like whore!

Views 5,032
Visitors 2,969
Likes 1,152
Comments 702

A great deal less numbers than some but I’m more than happy…….. also this year I’ve been singularly viewed in Ghana Rwanda also Namibia, yes someone living in Africa has read a post and that blows my mind, hmm I wonder which one?

Well judging by my top 5 viewed posts, I’d guess said tale would have been sex related, such is the adult blogging tentacle outreach across our cyber globe……….. oh and I’ll forever wonder if I have a real life lurker reading from within the shadows?

Top 5 countries viewed from:

  1. United States🇺🇲
  2. United Kingdom🇬🇧
  3. India🇮🇳 (that’s not quite the surprise you’d first assume)
  4. Canada🇨🇦
  5. Germany🇩🇪

Top 5 posts of 2019:

  1. A woman’s cleavage (a cautionary tale)
  2. Missionary (& NSFW)
  3. An open apology to women not wearing bras
  4. Enjoying ASS play! Might I be Gay?
  5. ‘Fun facts’ about the human female vagina

Yes all sex related, in fact all my top ten are true tales of love and sex.

So begs the question, what happened to my series themed Trellick Towers? Or the social comment that is Sandro’s café? Or my day trip to atmospheric Highgate cemetery London? I guess the old adage ‘sex sell’s’ applies 😄

Sooo many questions!

Early January began with visiting my father in hospital, and many times again after he later moved in to a nursing home, a sorrow filled tale ending with his passing in April, and as many of you will understand the sadness and emotional turmoil death of a parent is life at it’s most brutal. I’ve admitted here before we weren’t very close, but I loved him and he loved me and I’m happy knowing we enjoyed each other’s company full of its ups and downs, I have no real regrets which I will forever be grateful for. Weeks before his death I remember the sudden urge I felt 11 o clock one evening, urgently rushing by bus to be at his bedside after for some unknown reason thinking that he’d pass away that same evening, lol I shan’t repeat his answer on seeing me, but it made both me and the Ward Sister laugh.

In the words of Monty Python ‘now for something completely different’, anecdotes ‘hot’ off the press from my all tooo active imagination.

hghh
Yes I’ll admit to click baiting, though the room’s decor does look familiar

This past year I’ve slept with 5 different women, not their real names but there’s Sarah, Shannon, Diana, Nikola and Sara, yes loving Sara a favourite lady of mine for oh so many reasons. I agree these are details deemed rather distasteful to share, but what the hell🤫 where’s the fun in not telling?

Truthfully I cannot remember where and when I discovered this what shall remain nameless website, but if you’re  at all interested, chatting to a woman you’ve never met before on a legally regulated web chatroom for consenting adults is thrilling. Likewise arranging to meet her in some cheap Oxford motel is exhilarating, and if truth be told meeting these women is a military campaign in itself, there’s mobile phone exchanges taken from bleak hotel carparks, me dodging security at the revolving doors, a firtive skirting of reception desks without being called over and asked,

“Where do you think you are going Sir?”

Then there’s locating the actual hotel room after being texted the number, the nerve tingling moment she first opens the room door, the first time either of us see if our photos resemble those on said chatroom, and I haven’t been disappointed yet. Apart from 55year old Cara back in 2018 who omitted to admit she had a dodgy knee which meant during sex, after a vigorous bed bouncing cowgirl, she had to step off the bed to click her knee back into position.

Frigging hilarious!

Happy afternoons I sometimes think I live for, though perhaps emotionally unhealthy experiences and yet filled with such warmth fun and laughter, yes I agree to a lacking real love ….. then again what is real love? 

After all said and done, there’s a wicked thrill to internet sex, a day full of unknown possibilities, thrills and excitement ‘pricking’ every sense of my body into life……….. and great sex, naked body’s entwined, caressing and squeezing tits, sucking on dry nipples and joy of joys feasting between her wide open thighs, lapping at baby soft skinned folds of succulent labia, the tip of my tongue searching for her elusive clitoris…… and yes I do love giving oral sex. 

So what joy and horrors will 2020 bring? Well glancing at the clock on my laptop today is january 1st, and you know what that means, my obituary will never read ‘died in 2019!’

A. Shepherdson 2020

Google street and Lilly’s mini convertable

Mild sex themes and written just for fun. Intrigued? Then please read on.

So Andrew why retell this true story in a blog? Well sex themed posts are a lot of fun to write and this one’s definitely unusual, mind you ladies names must be changed or you just might receive angry NO furious texts 11 o’clock at night, a long story read here…….. though on reflection I wouldn’t bother.

So with secrecy also discretion clearly in mind, let us name our lady err Lilly!

Don’t you think ‘Google street view’ is the most amazing website ever created? Now here’s a switched stream of consciousness for you. Ten years ago the thought that you could log onto a PC, enter a house number into a Google search engine, press ‘click’ and you’d be whisked to the exact location on a digital map was the stuff of dreams, you can even do this on a phone for heaven’s sake. What’s more you can move a yellow avatar, drop him onto the chosen house number and by the wonders of near science fiction itself, the screen will change to a street level photograph looking directly at the house you’re searching for.

Incredible, and because human beings are prone to breaking the law, you’ll gaze at alternative views and in effect ‘case the joint’, garden gates that may be unlocked, windows that could well be left open, all in all a website that’s tailor made tool for house burglars.

One evening several years ago, laptop to hand sat in a comfy living room chair, I located my own home on Google street having decided to take a nose around my neighbourhood, we’ve all done this and fascinating this car like journey can be to.

(As an aside my mother discovered a neighbour had built a swimmng pool in the garden she hadn’t known about! 😀 )

Ahh before I continue, below are two ‘screen shot’ images of my own home taken from Google street, but note all sensitive information has been blanked out, I don’t want any cat burglars robbing my home when I’m out!

Screenshot (2194)Screenshot (2193)

Incidentally, many years ago I was standing at a bus stop yes waiting for a bus, and this van slowly drove past with the name Google emblazened across the side, and with what looked like a tripod fixed to the roof taking 360 degree photos from the road, I’ve since located that bus shelter to see if the camera captured me but of course all us prospective passengers were blurred out.

BTW as is the number plate of the stationary Mini convertible outside my home.

Anyways there I sat driving an imaginary car ‘up and down’ this quiet street I live in, and I can distinctly remember wondering who an earth owned that white Mini half parked on the pavement? Now I don’t own this sporty little car, neither do my neighbours nor any of my friends family or acquaintances. Well this started to bother me, just be aware I live in a very quiet neighbourhood with lots of road parking space, yet this Mini sat directly opposite my front door, no question in my mind the owner was visiting me, was I out perhaps at work? Who were they?

Then after half an hour or so of wracking my brains, like a streak of lightening I remembered it was Lilly’s car, yes at that very moment a Google van drove past, this young lady was inside my house and now I remembered she’d said her own car was being serviced in a garage, and she’d been loaned a white Mini courtesy car for the day.

Well I was chuckling to myself well pleased I’d solved this worrisome conundrum, then lol a second more wicked thought crossed my mind, and yes as I zoomed in closer to the second floor bedroom window, the curtains were drawn closed and note in the daytime, why would my curtains be CLOSED? 

I know exactly why, Lilly was in my bedroom that’s why! 😄

Well turns out at the very second the Google street van drove past photographing my house, for absolute certain I can say without any shadow of doubt, Lilly and I were having sex in BED together, now there’s a thought, could even have been the very moment I climaxed as she rode my penis cowgirl. Now if you are interested and I know you are, cowgirl is my very favourite position, heavenly sex for lazy men. I can visualise Lilly now with her long blonde hair, a pretty ‘blank’ year old with trim figure firm strong thighs straddling my groin as she breathlessly rode me like a female jockey astride her stallion.

(I mean sitting on her horse ‘bobbing up and down’ as it raced to the finish line!)

Keep up 😀 . 

Lovely lady was Lilly, with her firm to grasp high round boobs and bubbly personality, I’ve seldom had more enjoyable fantastic sex than with Lilly, she could even swallow my entire 160mm shaft down her throat……….. with condom fitted of course. Hmm happy days and she had the cutest little kitty!

Now come on! Tell me if I’m wrong, what are the chances that anyone can pin point where they were, or what they were doing at the time Google chose to ‘upload’ a photo of their home on the internet?

Can you ‘top’ that with your own unusual tale of coincidences conundrums and science fiction technology? 

A. Shepherdson 2019

A woman flashed her underwear at ME!

I know I haven’t been around for a while, long story but not to worry.

Oh yes! A woman flashed her cotton panties at me today, so I’m wondering was lifting her dress accidental as I walked toward her, little more than her preoccupied wistful mind elsewhere, or lol was I the victim of a sexual assault? BECAUSE being serious for a second if I was to pull my trousers down in public, in full view of a pretty young woman walking toward me then I’d have some serious explaining to a Court Judge!

Nah of course not, pretty women can flash me their underwear to their young heart’s content.

Pleeeze God.

Frahm, Art, Ladies in Distress
‘The mysterious art of falling panties’, a series of paintings by Art Frahm (and note the dog’s eyes 😀 )

I had intended to write a Post featuring the work of 1950s artist ‘Art Frahm’, why an earth would he wish to paint young women in distress at the point of her panties having slipped down shapely legs? What’s more at the most inopportune moment and in full gaze of bemused ‘lucky’ guys, talk about women in distress! Without Googling the reasons why? (I never do) I’m lost for words apart from a woman’s letter posted to a magazine’s editor, apparently this scenario was prone to happen in 50’s America simply because knicker elastic wasn’t as strong as it should have been!

Hmm, I’m NOT convinced.

Where was I? Oh yes I’ll never forget today’s young lady DELIBERATELY showing me her panties, a photographic image now hardwired into my memory for as long as I live……… hence the reason I had to write a blog along with all my other sexy stories.

Cutting a short story even shorter (busy lives and all), today has been Britain’s hottest day this year, hence lunchtime break I just had to wander into Oxford City center and women watch (judge me 😀 ) well I’d gotten but 50 metres from my workplace and what did I see on this gloriously humid sunny day? A young woman suddenly stopped 20 paces in front of me, there’s more! In one near choreographed movement, she lifted a hand toward her head removing a pair of spectacles, the finger’s of her other hand clasping the hem of a girly pastel dress, and wonderful for Andrew she lifted her dress in full view and proceeded to clean her obviously dirty glasses with the soft cotton fabric, and above her frigging WAIST I might add!

And yes TOTALLY unaware (?) this middle aged guy was but paces away gazing incredulously at her light blue pair of panties and long slender legs!

Life is a game of luck and chance and today was my lucky day.

I know I could hardly believe my eyes, still can’t, how I didn’t pass out there and then God only knows. Now with spectacle’s freshly cleaned, dress hem released and allowed to fall, the glasses were reposition affront a pretty face and she continued to wander past me as if the incident had never happened, there was no hint of a sweet smile, nope she didn’t even make eye contact, her unfazed expression betraying wistful thoughts and a mind elsewhere? 

I must admit I’m at a loss as to why any woman would lift her dress in public, reveal her underwear with mobile phones camera’s poised to send an image viral. Who knows why, perhaps there are people in this world who LUCKILY don’t care what other’s think? Anyways when I retold this tale back at work to basically anyone who’d listen, their mournful envious expressions betrayed the fact they’d missed a highlight of 2019. 

I’m joking!

Seriously though, days such as these are a sobering reminder, a reality check that at age 50 young women wandering past me in the street wearing buttock flashing hot-pants, micro skirts and tight fitting crop-tops revealing shapely wobbly boobage, ‘tees’ with plunging cleavage are ALL fabulous to behold, lovely and brilliant except young lady’s such as these will be thinking to themselves,

‘Sad old man looking at my tits, you’re (nearly) old enough to be my Grandfather Mr!’

Hmm a sobering thought indeed.

A. Shepherdson 2019

On the 87th day God created cleavage

I must admit I’ve been in two minds whether to publish yet another boob tale (said that before!) Blogger Lesley kluchin won’t be impressed and I don’t blame her, of all the lovely readers to reply Lesley isn’t adverse to giving Andrew’s virtual ass a written spanking, several occasions tooo, I love them!! I fear my sexist tales understandably challenge the lady’s mommy sensibilities also school teaching values and quite right tooo……… Still, Lesley’s a good looking woman for her age, just shows a woman can still be sexually appealing at age70😘 . (Btw she wasn’t offended when I wrote that because I’m a nice guy.)

Ok I’ve a breast obsession! I adore sucking caressing licking and gazing in wonderment, what more can I say? 😀

872850497
Ladies be watchful of peering eyes looking down from on high

Seems an age since I’ve affectionately ‘objectified’ a woman’s body on this WordPress.

Omg summer’s finally arrived with a vengeance and Oxford city is crowded with (age appropriate) young ladies wearing fewer than usual, there’ll be micro cotton dresses revealing milk white thighs, hem lines sooo short that on a guy’s lucky day he’ll glimpse ‘cushions’ of knicker gusset captured in the breeze, and just imagine but for this soft delicate fabric I might see kitty lips moistened and glistening against the sunlight! The problem is I have to keep in mind I’m old enough to be their father if not older!!

Btw this has happened, I’m not complaining ladies but watch the skirt length for heavens sake my heart isn’t as young as it used to be! Or with the advent of #METOO am I deemed sexist for looking and enjoying?

Do you wish to know why I enjoy riding double decker commuter buses in sunny weather? (You know you want to 😀 ) I’ll sit beside a top deck window waiting for my evening’s ride to pull away from the pavement, with a forearm propped upon a window-sill I’ll gaze down at delectable University students (age18) and pretty female shoppers walking past, their animated laughter and chatter a joy to behold, better still and you just know what I’m going to share with you next, more often than not when hot summer days arrive, so do tight fitting tee shirts with plunging necklines and ample boobage jiggling their own merry dance.

And because I’m seated peering down from up on high I’ll watch out for the colour of their bras as they walk on by, and if fortunate I’ll see pastel blouses with their collars open and top buttons undone, omg it’s fabulous to be alive when gazing at milk white boobs nestling comfortably within cups of various sizes, and working down the alphabet from an A cup to a DD, on a REALLY lucky day and this only happens once in a while mind, when the angle of eyeline is correctly aligned and her cups are larger in size, then I have been known to coup d’œil a small brown nipple or two.

Now that we’re on the subject of ladies’ nipples and keeping in mind their SOLE function in life is so that a baby can latch on and drink mums’ creamy goodness so they’ll grow up healthy a strong, yum yum big deal………………..

(Ahh I’ve just had an idea! I’ve some ‘breastfeeding in public’ opinions that I’ll leave for another day 🙂 )

ERR where was I? Oh yes tales of peering down ladies’ blouses! Yikes could I get into trouble doing this?

However this sexy street theatre doesn’t last forever as our gruff diesel engine rumbles into life, alas my down blouse performance is over for another day 😦 that’s until I descend the upper deck stairs and I share this thought with you quite truthfully, again when luck is on my side (lotta luck required in my life, keep up!) A BIG breasted young lady has been seen standing waiting ready to get off, I’m hovering above looking directly down, and no word of a lie, a balconette bra separating two perfectly shaped breasts with her belly button clearly in view. 

🙂 Btw she appeared like a vision one hot summer’s day last year, 😀 so ladies be aware!

c-in-gallery-deep-cleavages-and-downblouses-in-candid-street-picture-uploaded-by-tugafap-on-imag-1427279913n8g4k-700x687
I’m curious, does a woman’s sixth sense tell her when a guy or girl is taking a little more interest than perhaps they should be?

Incidentally this saucy nonsense flows easily when I’m sexually aroused, why not try it yourselves dear readers? I should add the knicker gusset aided by the lifting skirt breeze scenario happened last August! Happy days 🙂 .

(Two ‘borrowed’ stock images which are NOT my own!)

A. Shepherdson 2019

“The day we stop looking, is the day we die”

untitledeeeeeeed

Lt. Col. Frank Slade (Al Pacino):“Tits. Hoo-hah! Big ones, little ones. Nipples staring right out at ya, like secret searchlights.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “Legs. I don’t care if they’re Greek columns, or second-hand Steinways, but what’s between them… passport to heaven.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “Women. What could you say? Who made ’em? God must’ve been a f#cking genius.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “When in doubt, f#ck.”

——————————————————————————–
Lt. Col. Frank Slade: “The day we stop looking, Charlie, is the day we die.”

Shortly after publishing my recent ’75 facts About meee’ post I began to wonder whether my WordPress adult themed content is appropriate for a man of my age? In other words I’ve suddenly become VERY self conscious! 

I’d suggest, and quite rightly so reader’s views will be divided. Now 😀 I’m NOT about to apologise because Argentinian ‘Paola’ (middle aged mom blogger) told me never apologise for your blog, not that I have anything to be at all ashamed or embarrassed about sharing my sexy tales, I consider them a fun read if yes a little OTT but I’m single and very discreet blah blah blah. Perhaps I’m tooo honest here, recklessly honest in my thoughts and opinions? HOWEVER what an earth is the point in taking life and this WordPress over seriously, age appropriate goes without saying! I’ve slept around yes though I adore women’s sexuality, beguiled by their personality as much as any guy, and respect women with a passion.

If you consider me tooo old to dream and write about sex then lol shame on you that’s just plain ageist, I recently overheard my mother talking to a friend out of what she thought was my ear shot. I wasn’t!!

They were discussing their recent evening theatre trip to watch the Play ‘Calendar Girls’, well apparently one of her age 70+ friends emptied her handbag by accident and out popped some electrical wiring? Well APPARENTLY there was much giggling amongst these older girls assuming their friend carried an electric powered sex aid in her handbag! Who knows if it was, I didn’t overhear thankfully but good on her if she err did!

Anyways “she who casts the first stone and all that” John c8v7 (though I doubt John was talking about sex”) should remember I’ve read many a sexy tale written by a middle aged female blogger that would make your hairs stand on end!

Today’s Title is a favourite movie quote spoken by Al Pacino to his friend ‘Charlie’ in one of my favourite Movies ‘Scent of a Woman’, it’ll warm the hearts of many middle aged man reminding him appreciating women’s sexuality is ok and what’s more healthy and acceptable…………… you should listen to the tales regaled by the middle aged men I work with knowing their wives are not listening!

If I hadn’t slept with 35 women then I lol wouldn’t be writing about it and that’s the last time I’ll ever share that fact.

Discuss.

Scent of a Woman (Rotten Tomatoes synopsis)

Driven by an extravagant, tour-de-force performance by Al Pacino, Scent of a Woman is the story of Frank Slade (Pacino), a blind, retired army colonel who hires Charlie Simms (Chris O’Donnell), a poor college student on the verge of expulsion, to take care of him over Thanksgiving weekend. At the beginning of the weekend, Frank takes Charlie to New York, where he reveals to the student that he intends to visit his family, have a few terrific meals, sleep with a beautiful woman and, finally, commit suicide. The film follows the mis-matched pair over the course of the weekend, as they learn about life through their series of adventures. Though the story is a little contrived and predictable, it pulls all the right strings, thanks to O’Donnell’s sympathetic supporting role and Pacino’s powerful lead performance, for which he won his first Academy Award.

GO ON SAY IT! “Yeh but Andrew you not Al Pacino”, yes but we can all dream a little can’t we? 😛

A. Shepherdson 2019

An open apology letter to women not wearing bras!

My first (and only) Reblog.

This post has been viewed more than any other on my WordPress, it’s also a (firm) favourite of mine and preludes my up and coming new post titled ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage’.

Btw women’s boobs are both a favourite and reoccurring theme of mine 😀 and always respectfully written. ❤

Blogging Thoughts Photos & Life

‘Strap’ yourselves in this is a LONG one! 😀

Early evening thoughts with MILD adult themes…………. honest and respectful as always (comment if you’ve had your fill of my female sexual observations and objectification of the female human animal’s body)………….. my imagination I fear is out of control 7 o’clock at night, I’m incorrigible, my hardness is excited and twitching hence I write because these posts are fun and keep me interested when WordPress feels a lonely place……… 123 ahhh 😀

Does anyone honestly think this photo below is offensive? 

public-braless-4A question for you, why is the female breast nipple such a big deal for a guy? And I’d agree with you ladies who say nipples shouldn’t be, after all they have one purpose in life to allow a nursing baby to latch onto the breast and drink mum’s milky goodness, big f#cking deal? Then babes grow into healthy toddlers…

View original post 1,461 more words

‘Fun facts’ about the human female Vagina

(Regular readers to this WordPress will be aware I would never ever EVER! Make fun of a woman for a readers pleasure, no most definitely not. Yes at times I can be err a little out there 🙄, but just be aware I adore these mesmerisingly delectable creatures, and note I’ve spared the reader of actual photographs, 😊 and I’d guess you’ll be thankful for that!!) 

In The Female Reproductive System What Is The Clitoris Woman Reproductive Part In The Female Reproductive System What Is
Copyright ‘McGraw and Hill’

Read More »

Is Lust really a deadly sin? (pt2)

I guess she’s flirty with me 😀 for the simple reason I pose no threat plus I’m a nice friendly guy 🙂 .

c-2
Before I begin my tale I should point out my neighbour wasn’t walking her dog dressed in her underwear 😦 , I’d like to make that one quite clear!

Invariably on workday early mornings I’ll bump into a lady dog walker soon after leaving my home, I’m making for a bus stop with the intention of going to work, the lady is returning home after having taken her dog for a walk in the local Park and as neighbours do, we have a short chat because I’m a personable friendly sort of guy, oh and she’s married and age 45+.

Read More »

Is Lust really a deadly sin?

If you are happily married, or happily co-habiting, you may find this post morally challenging though hopefully not, as always it’s just Andrew thinking out aloud 🙂 .

(Part2 follows, I have a lady neighbour who owns a dog!)

When-Harry-Met-Sally-when-harry-met-sally-2681335-1600-900
Can two people be ‘only ever’ just good friends?

During those idle moments when one’s mind tends to wander there’s a question I often ask myself, would I sleep with a unhappily happily married woman?

The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a real favourite of mine and not because of Meg Ryan’s awesomely faked orgasm, a performance that’s more than a little disturbing to us men! No I’m fascinated by the premise at the story’s heart, the question Billy actually asks Meg namely can two people be ‘just good friends’ without the relationship becoming sexual OR heading that way until intelligence and good sense makes people stop and think! Can you be friends with that ‘special’ person at work without becoming romantically involved?

Read More »

Can I sit on your face? (NSFW)

Now I’d guess above is possibly the most unusual blog Title you’ve come across today, but here’s a thing I’ve got an interesting anecdote for you, remember Gemma with the wet kitty? Well this tale features Chantelle another adorable sexy lady I’ve bumped into on my journey through life 😉 .

Jeeze a producer could take these two stories, weave into a narrative joining the sexy scenes together, choose from two age40+ actresses to play the female roles cause they’re always moaning about the lack of work for older women, then make a film about a guy’s oral bedroom escapades!…………….. ok perhaps not 😀 .

d027
😮 I’m not joking when I say I could hardly breath!

Read More »

Virginity musings

mors-dag

(Categorise this post under thoughts and opinions, it is what is, me thinking out aloud 🙂 .)

Virginity – dictionary definition – untouched unspoilt untainted unadulterated pure and ‘in mint condition!’ (a lot of un’s in there!)

Oh and a little free advice for you, ‘wait for that special person, wait many years if needs be, but don’t under any circumstances give your most precious personal possession to someone who DOESN’T deserve it!’ Now please read on. 😀

Go on-line and you may stumble across an internet forum revealing ‘men’ will pay good money to bed a virgin first, I know incredible or what, Oxford University Students have been selling theirs on-line, that’s until quite rightly eBay put a stop to such inappropriate behaviour :/ then again there is that student loan to pay for?

Read More »

Missionary (& NSFW)

I guess the truly intriguing side to WordPress is musing ‘I wonder who reads my blog?’ Hmm interesting, so previously in a blog post I’ve told you the length of an average erect penis, you may be aware Karina is a lady I meet inside Motels, and btw not even I know what the following post will be about?

(A Charles Dickens themed London trip follows sooon!)

**********************************************************

9chickweed-lane-latimesnn

I was reminiscing the other day, recalling happy memories, enjoying thinking about the women I’ve slept with throughout my adult life, now without breaking confidences my Virginity was taken many years ago by a lovely lady named err let’s call her Jemma, yes not her name but Jemma suits her. Now I’ll refrain from letting you in on that wonderful afternoon because I’ve already written a post sharing that fabulous experience, very emotional and possibly the best afternoon of my life…………. btw this tale will appear on a blog near you sooon! 

Read More »

WOW you’ve a cute Ass! (NSFW)

Erotic flash fiction (original & by meee!)  

Never assume that guy standing behind you in ‘The Deli’ queue is deciding which soft cheeses to buy!

redhead-pretty-girl-pov-walking-making-video-diary-usa_rjcmj9k__F0000

Standing behind you in our shared bus queue, so close I could reach out my arms encircle your waist and draw you close into me, that hard bump below, my aroused groin pressing deep against your shapely pert bottom nestling between two barely visible peach shaped ass cheeks…………… but alas I can’t, I shan’t, I won’t nor ever would………. I value my reputation, cherish my liberty tooo dearly to put my fingers inside a sugary delicious sweetie jar. 

Read More »

How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

cartoon-ruler-006(Humour, NO photos)

2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

800px-statue_of_a_satyr-4

(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

**********************************************

3267089_1

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I inquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dexterous skillful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or fellatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I traveled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have thought ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

‘That sacred spot of blissful heaven’ (Erotic Monday)

If you’ve happened to read yesterday’s post, you’ll know all the five days this week I am writing a tale flash fiction or whatever on the theme of women’s lingerie, don’t ask why perhaps I’m just odd that way……………….. incidentally the ‘publishing’ sequence has changed, or in other words that’s the story of my WordPress. 

Rosie-for-Autograph-silk-and-lace-Brazilian-knickers-review-600x450
Laying beside Karolina two Saturdays ago I don’t think I’ve felt happier in a long while, my lady’s aged 50 and extremely passionate, an amusing conversationalist if a little hard to follow as she’s from Poland, but not to worry she’s an extremely sexy lady, in fact my idea of a dream woman, and I know having a lady stick her tongue deep inside your mouth while kissing sounds a little ahem icky! But it really is sensuous and divine.

So where are we two aged lovers to be found? Me a fifty something who wears glasses when having sex, also Karolina with her dodgy knee that locks up meaning she has to clamber off the bed to give creaking joints a stretch! No arthritis just ‘ole mother time’ creeping up and don’t you find older women are more grateful of a guys romantic advances, not desperate for attention, no just content to be loved for who they are, no spring chicken and all, oh and fucked hard by a guy who prefers his sexual animal to be a woman of more mature years.

Where are we? Inside a Travelodge Inn alongside a busy A34 dual carriageway, a bedroom to be more exact, I’d guess American’s would call this establishment a Motel for lonely individuals driving monotonous ashen gray motorways in need of a cheap place to sleep of a night.

Our room is in pitch darkness apart from a shaft of bright light shining from the wardrobe bathroom, the temperature’s boiling as Motels often are and Karolina’s laying on our bed gazing at the ceiling with me close by her side, so close I’m all but cuddling with my body touching hers from my chest to my toes, snuggled in tightly, my six inch hardened dick resting atop her thigh and bucking bouncing off her skin to the beat of a drum, physiologically connected to the blood pumping through my heart.

Yes I do love her, my arm resting on her tummy a hand slipped inside her burgundy panties, the same exact colour as a good claret of wine. I’m not looking at her lingerie briefs though with two digit fingers gently sliding back and forth through the parted lips of her wet kitty, sweeter than wine and bare of all pubic hair but for a small stubbly patch on her mons pubis, lol there’s a medical term you don’t hear often! 

So do I miss that teenage pubic bush weeded out over the ravages of time? They’re kinda fun to run finger’s through or admire in the shower, a mop of brunette coloured hair dripping and wet.

With my fingertips doing all the talking below, my gaze is drawn to Karolina’s chest raising with every breath sipped in, two high round breasts nestling beneath her claret shaded bra cups, with its swirling patterns of lace matching the panties and my busy fingers inside, but hold on subconsciously my sexually aroused mind has control of my fingers without me knowing, playing a fiddle all by their own now pressed against her clit and dragging her intimate skin in small circles, the curtains of her labia lips now drawn tightly closed.

Then faintly audible to my ear, hardly noticeable within our church hushed boudoir, I heard the quietist whisper you ever did hear, Karolina with her eyes tightly closed, purred a softly spoken,

“Oh My God!”

Do you know if I’d cleared my throat or been distracted by noise outside I would have missed it!

She quiet startled me actually though not a muscle in my body responded to Karolina’s almost joyous incredulity, with my imagination pricked alive I suddenly realised my circling fingertips had touched a spot so sacred, nerve endings so excited by pleasure giving chemicals flooding her brain, a cocktail altering her mind, that for those few two seconds in time Karolina had been whisked to a blissful heaven itself.

(……………. and tomorrow, “Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!”)

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

‘Gemma’s wet kitty’ (NSFW)

NSFW-Slider-September

Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!

6b7be35e-79ac-46b3-ae0f-a6b8cf69f884

Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’

Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?

I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,

“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”

m

And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.

So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!! 

But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,

“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”  

“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.

And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!

‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’

However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.

Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.

I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.

And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,

“Oh yes……(insert 3 seconds)……. oh yes…………….. oh yes……….….. oh yes………….”

Pausing as a pink wet tongue appears through parted lips, only to be circled and licked back into her mouth before she returns to her metronomic soft encouragement,

“…..oh yes……..…….. oh yes……..….. oh yes…………….. don’t stop………….. oh yes……..…”

And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?

Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’ 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 

The female orgasm and note NSFW

Mild adult themed text, but please be aware contains no sexual imagery.

NSFW-Slider-September

I’ll be completely honest with you lovely readers who take the time to read my Blog, I do worry when someone replies to my post about caring for elderly parents, then subsequently Follows, I’m wondering are they aware my very next post could be about the female orgasm? The Tower of London? Do they realise I’m a Blog devoid of one theme? Well due to my having a very low boredom threshold (child sense of wonderment) I’ll write about whatever’s on my mind and hopefully it’s entertaining, but as Blogger Paola once commented ‘Andrew never apologise for something you’ve written.’

Introduction over.

This evening I’ve been thinking about a natural world phenomenon namely the female sexual orgasm, now I could write chapter and verse sharing both my knowledge and experiences of the males, however I won’t, but I have to admit watching a woman’s face as she masturbates to orgasm is possibly the most enthralling captivating and wonderous spectacles I’ve ever seen, and just so as you know I can tell the difference between a genuine orgasm and one faked, lol without question I can spot the difference but don’t all men say that?

However because my own sexual experiences with a lady can be described as casual relationships, I haven’t actually slept with a lady who’s experiencing a true orgasm, well not strictly true there was Karina, but if I tell you I prefer a kiss and a cuddle then you’ll understand my sexual preferences are pretty much vanilla, and as you may know from reading a previous relevant blog post, I have a strong dislike of visual pornography. Why so Andrew? Well I have little people relatives, and a cold shiver pulses down my spine at the thought an 8year old could be watching all manner of filth streamed through a media device!

But I’m a grown adult, morally well balanced, intelligent (most of the time) and sexually active so subsequently I can tell the difference between loving sex shared between two adults who care for each other, and faked pornography devoid of all humanity and emotion…………. jeeze I’m getting off message yet again, where was I oh yes the wonders of the female orgasm!

Notice I’ve flagged this post NSFW, that’s because I’m going to share with you an artistic YouTube video written by and starring Candice Dawn, she’s an author reading from her very own novel ‘Reclaiming Eros, A Heroines Journey’. Now I’ll be honest with you and admit I have neither heard of the author or read her book but I have seen this promotional video which I’ll share below and note she’s titled as Not Suitable For Work.

Amazing what you come across whilst idly surfing the internet and watching YouTube videos!

I’ll set the scene by saying Candice is sat at a table clasping her novel between both hands, then she begins reading a passage out loud to camera whilst a woman underneath her table has an Hitachi vibrator to hand, yet we see nothing apart from hearing the distant hum of her pleasure instrument’s motor pressed between Candice’s open legs. For a guy it’s quite incredible sight to see a woman lose all composure, I guess all her thoughts and concentration are channelled into reading aloud, whilst her unconscious mind is under the influence of pleasure giving chemicals coursing through regions of her brain, either way her intense emotional sexual pleasure is almost palpable………… and the results are spectacularly animated, pretty amazing actually, and a wonderous sight to behold, in fact I’m quite in awe of what a human female body is capable of……….. but please take note Candice’s video is tasteful and appropriate viewing. 

Ok you’ll have your own thoughts but remember Candice is starring in her very own promotional video 🙂 ………… the things you authors get up to!!!

A. Shepherdson 2018

‘I bit my Pillow!’ (so was it Truth or Fiction?)

Yes I realise ‘I bit my Pillow’ wasn’t the best title to have been penned by an erotic author……………. lol sorry it was the best I could come up with and yes I am happy to say I’m an author (of sorts). Aren’t we all?

No messing. Short and sweet. I’ll get straight to the point and say my tale called ‘I bit my Pillow!’ is fiction HOWEVER DON’T leave my blog quite yet because parts of that tale are true as happened.

(Btw if you are at all concerned, don’t be, my semi true tale is very tame reading but there is a context and I’ll reveal that tomorrow.)

The gay sex, the passionate kissing, the fingers in my ass never ever happened, though for very unique and quite frankly unusual reasons I did go to bed with the Frenchman in my tale, and yes we were both naked both not wearing a stitch of clothing!

So are you relieved? Or disappointed?

Tomorrow I will to tell you why in heavens name I slept with the guy, and how I came to be in his house taking a shower in the first place! It all makes for a fascinating read to myself, but perhaps not interesting enough to share.

(Btw a nature walk with photos follows sooon!)

Should I be admitting all my honesty here? Perhaps not but hey I’m not ashamed of anything and if you wish to read more well tune in tomorrow. 

A. Shepherdson 2018

 

 

‘I bit my Pillow!’ (Erotic)

Remember a tale for adults, all very tame stuff ‘and NSFW.

‘I was tired from traveling bewildered with nowhere to sleep, the choice was stark a park bench for the night or him, so I chose him relieved to be safe at last.’

*************************************************

gaycomicsboypost.com4I guess an emotional shock heightens sharpens the senses and I remember every detail, he’d taken a chance just as he probably did every evening, he was a lovely guy, a gentleman, he didn’t force himself upon me which I’ll forever be grateful for, I could easily have been raped only to end my days as dismembered body parts in an unknown grave, a missing person never heard of again. Understand he was a nice guy!

Nervously I crept out of his en-suite bathroom wearing only a towel round my waist, clasping clothes bundled in my arms, my comfort blanket, I’d just had a lovely warm and pleasant shower only to be faced by the French guy standing naked a few paces from me. And to say I was startled no shocked is possibly the biggest understatement ever, we’d never spoken simply because my French was non existent and he spoke very little English, call him Gallic relaxed confident, and although nervous and a little fearful I didn’t panic, I’m a good judge of character and he’d been a lovely guy this whole evening.

In fact he’d been a perfect gentleman ever since picking me up at the Station, but beneath my very invigorating hot shower I’d slowly come to my senses, I finally understood he’d been more than very friendly striking up that conversation in the waiting room, he’d been cruising, I’d been picked up! The penny had dropped whilst hot water cascaded down my slim pink body, and I knew as I’d suspected, at long last I was sure he was gay.

Having showered, clutching clothes bundled in my arms I nervously stepped out the shower and walked into his en suite bedroom, omfg there my Frenchman stood like a statue in the doorway, all pink and naked and possibly the biggest fright of my life ‘gulp!’ 

Read More »

Body image, reflections in a mirror

Photos of myself A. Shepherdson.

‘Looking at yourself sitting naked in front of a mirror’ – (My response)

Sharing these three photos is the closest you’ll get to seeing me fully naked on the internet, promise 🙂 , btw they have genuine relevance to this post……… honest!

We all take time out of the day to look at our body naked in a mirror, don’t we? And before you say “A. Shepherdson you’re weird” let me say “I don’t!” Ask someone this question and they’ll reply “you have to be kidding me?” Inquire a third time and the honest answer will be “well only after stepping out the shower, until I see my ass in the reflection!” 

I wonder does anyone enjoy staring at their naked body and are you weird to admit doing so?

How best to begin this evening’s post. Well this is a response of sorts to a lady blogger I follow, a reaction to her recent post themed ‘getting back sexual confidence’. Bare in mind sex with me is more casual relationships but I want to talk about body image more generally, so I’ll just write and see where this takes me.

I’ll not name this blogger, not my place to, just be aware she suggests readers sit and look at themselves unclothed in a mirror, get used to appreciating their body positives, accept their imperfections and learn to love themselves for who they truly are.

Appreciate the real you, treasure and admire the person a sexual partner stares at, or the body friends and strangers stare at throughout a day…………although wearing more clothes!………..As an aside I’ll appreciate both busts and cleavage of women I work with ALL day long and btw ladies guys love women’s boobs whatever shape and size.

Where was I, ahh yes a female blogger and body image.

I’ll quote a paragraph from her post themed ‘getting back your sexual confidence.’

‘Looking at yourself in the mirror for 10 minutes: I know this sounds cheesy, but I promise you it does help. In a book that my therapist gave me, it suggested that you look in the mirror naked for 10 minutes. I thought this was absurd, but I reluctantly tried it anyways. I hate looking at my body and, when I do, I constantly point out my flaws. However, in about 5 minutes of staring and feeling ridiculous, my mind set began to change. I realized that I wasn’t focusing so much on the negative as I was on the positive. The 10 minutes went by rather quickly after that point and I had truly begun to enjoy myself and appreciate me. My confidence was rejuvenated.’

Well I reflected on this blog post after reading, definitely one of those pieces of writing that captures the imagination. Later that same day I found myself a mirror, stripped off naked, sat on my bed (after closing the bedroom curtains and I don’t want Helen over the road seeing me nude, then again I WISH!) Then sitting crossed legged nude (photos) I gazed at my naked reflection for yes 10 whole minutes!

Seconds into my challenge, two personality disorders came to mind, narcissism and vanity lol, however the minutes ticked past and yes the experience was interesting and a positive one.

Hold that thought and I’ll it revisit later, but first…………

We should be taught ‘how to’ and reasons ‘why to’ appreciate our bodies at school, why an earth not? Both girls and boys blossom into adulthood not liking themselves their bodies, bulimia anorexia anxiety depression often start because we hate our flaws and don’t appreciate the image others like about us school. No perhaps about it, lessons themed body image should be taught!

Do they?

Then again perhaps educational Nazis might say this leads to vanity narcissism and self love.

The only self love you should worry yourself with, whatever age, is don’t feel guilty about masturbating, enjoy the pleasures your body will give, the warmth and ‘tingles’ noting playing with your bits is good for ones mental health.

I read that last bit on the internet so it must be true? Either way playing is a great way of appreciating how you can enjoy your body.

Enough talk of masturbation!

I’m a guy who’s the opinion there’s NEVER a substitute for education! So why not teach body image lessons? No seriously I’m not joking, how many times do you pick up a women’s magazine and read stories of women hating their curves? How many times in the media have you heard stories of bulimia and anorexia where both boys and girls think themselves so overweight that they starve themselves until near death?

This very moment ask yourself ‘do I like looking at my naked body?’ Keep this in mind whilst reading on.

Speaking for myself, I have parts I don’t like, I’d love to have grown up taller, I’ll not use the word ‘wish I was taller’ because my Grandmother used to say we should be careful what we wish for! Yes taller and handsome and then perhaps I wouldn’t be single living on my own and feeling rather lonely, well at least I’m honest! Lovemaking, affection and closeness are essential to human life, we need and crave intimacy to keep us mentally healthy and happy, so experts say!

The phrase ‘we all need to love and be loved’ is at the very heart of what makes us human.

A question for you!

Can you recall a throwaway remark someone’s once said to you, a remark they assumed inconsequential devoid of weight thought or meaning, YET that remark had a profound negative effect and has remained with you till this day? The aforementioned person probably didn’t mean anything by it, perhaps they were feeling harassed, having their period, it was a soon to be forgotten observation, yet their comment had such a damaging negative effect that it will probably remain with you till the day you die?

Of course you can! I know a woman who overheard a teacher name her a ‘slut’, it left her devastated and she’s never forgotten.

A personal anecdote for you. Many years ago whilst sat in a hospital consulting room, don’t ask me why because I have no idea why I was in hospital, why is missing the point. The phrase a stranger called me is the point and has remained with me to this day…….. probably for the rest of my life?

I can clearly remember being sat on a bed age possibly 18 and listening to a conversation by two young nurses chatting in a room next door, and yes I’m pretty sure I was stripped to the waist at the time! They were attractive girls and as a teen I wanted to girls to find me attractive, we all want to be perceived attractive, jeeze the hang ups us humans have all because of sex is frigging scary.

Don’t ask me what else they talked about? I can’t remember apart from two words! One nurse said to her colleague with a patronising condescending tone of voice,

“I better attend to that little man next door”, describing me in such a dismissive negative way, the affect was like thrusting a knife into my stomach. I remember being clearly devastated, it would have been SO nice to hear her whisper “he’s nice” or whatever! But little man? A compliment would have made my day, my week! Gladdened the heart, made me smile but no lol……….. she chose a withering “little man!” She didn’t like my body. 123 Ahh!

Mortified I was and a lesson in why we should compliment each other, genuinely say nice things because they matter. A relative of mine is often heard praising her young sons…… we remember praise, praise shows love builds self esteem praise matters.

I know for absolute fact Primary School teachers are taught to praise children when they do well, they’re taught to encourage the other children to applaud excellence, it helps you learn to empathise with others.

🙂 I know a Primary School teacher.

Btw that’s the last I can recall of my day in hospital and the off handish nurse! Cow lol! Yes an inconsequential throwaway line, but for a young man lacking self confidence, a debilitating shyness around women, this pretty sexual nurse hurt me to the core, she thought me ugly and learning and hearing the lesson was awful.

So earlier when I say I’d love to be taller, lol perhaps now you appreciate why! Similarly,  I’d guess if a girl overheard someone labelling her a “plain Jayne” OR “her boobs are small!”, she’d be mortified and the affect on her self esteem would be similar?

So returning to my lady blogger also her therapist’s suggestion that you should sit and look at your naked reflection in the mirror……………….. for 10 minutes!

Staring back at my body was interesting and yes a positive experience, I don’t meditate or ever have done but I’d liken gazing at myself naked as meditative having zero option but to stare at my body! To begin with it felt alien and amusing but after a while I relaxed and viewed myself in ways I hadn’t done for a long while.

Quiet contemplation and no I didn’t!!!

I’ve always appreciated the beauty in my genitals, I mean I’m not someone who wishes different! No I’ve always treasured ‘my bits’ and like all guys impressed with their manhood when aroused, but without going into personal detail there are other things about my body I both liked and disliked and you HAVE to appreciate and accept don’t you, learn to love what a sexual partner is attracted to. Physicality’s aside I found my 10 minutes morphed into silent contemplation, a looking deep into my face, gazing deep into my eyes was a reflective experience.

By that I mean all day I will chat with friends and strangers, read their facial expressions conceptualise what I like about them, or more worryingly what they don’t like about my body? And I realised I only really look at ‘me’ whilst shaving in the morning, perhaps thinking how I can engineer bumping into perfect boobed Helen (age 50) over the road.

The only other time I look at ‘me’ is catching a reflective glimpse in a shop window, appreciating accepting the image that forms in other people’s minds.

You may be thinking ‘I’d rather have a tooth pulled’ than look at myself for 10 minutes BUT I’d reply, “we have to don’t we?”

I stared at ‘me’ looking back at me and I reflected on life’s problems, thought about my family, occupation, where I hope to be in years to come, what changes I want or should make in my life, I lived 10 minutes outside ‘the bubble that is A. Shepherdson’s life.’

Summing up.

Staring at my naked body, was a worthwhile positive experience and I heartedly suggest you give it a try. Or perhaps you do, I’ve stumbled across a blogger and her therapist who do.

Go on lol do it! If little else time spent in thoughtful contemplation isn’t time wasted, and appreciating your body, genitals, and sexuality is again time well spent. Vanity? No of course not.

(Jeeze 1874 words! :/ It’s tooo many isn’t it.)

A. Shepherdson.