Me (Andrew) aged 18 years

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This is me aged 18 a young fresh faced engineering apprentice, cheeky and smiling the photograph having been taken at work by my apprentice trainer, why an earth he was taking my photograph God only knows?…………… I’m wondering is he still with us? A great guy.

Big sigh, I gaze at this photo and think to myself ‘where an earth have those thirty four years gone?’ I look at my cheeky grin and wonder ‘which of my young friends am I looking across at?’ I can remember for certain feeling embarrassed and someone close by was making some sort of funny comment………. happy days I’m so pleased I discovered this photo as for a full head of hair I’m saying nothing!

I know it’s been a while but for the first time in many months I’m happy, not so depressed and feeling positive about life because Britain appears to be reopening for business, yesterday my Boss phoned to say I may be unfurloughed and return to work Monday Morning! Fingers crossed and there’ll be a posting from there for sure.

After ten weeks of legally enforceable home detention, only a single days exercise to purchase groceries from the Supermarket, perhaps the occasional illegal visit to my mother’s for a natter and shared cup of tea, yes due to unexpected political reasons Britain is rushing out of lockdown. You may be aware last weekend our Government completely trashed it’s corona virus health policy just so as to save one political advisor, the name of Dominic Cummings might ring a bell, all I can add is this very obnoxious arrogant Machiavellian civil servant MUST be deemed so important as to justify offending the entire nation and we really are angry. Never again will Johnson be able to call on the public to make sacrifices and follow his clear health instructions, with one lie all trust and compliance disappeared in the space of hours, so now we know, rules are made for us little people to follow yet are there to be broken by the ruling elite, but isn’t that the way it’s always been?

Military Generals strategize and plan their war campaigns, but it’s only the Privates who die in the trenches, time to move on, open schools and universities, get people back to work earning money and to be honest I’m not tooo disappointed, it’s all a question of expectations and in hindsight I’d never have expected Cummings to obey the Law anyway.

Google ‘Dominic Cummings broke the rules’ if you’re intrigued, then again I wouldn’t bother.

I’ll be completely honest, as I always am on this WordPress, the first thought crossing my mind after attaching this picture of my 18 year old self was err sex! Unsurprisingly my first hypothetical question to female (or lol male) readers is, if you met this guy way back in the day 1983/4 might you have slept with this young virgin? Lol don’t answer but just so as you know this pleasant anxious guy had many issues about his looks also low self esteem to such a point he never got laid until many years later, 123 ahhhh. What plays on my mind lol today and after many recent liaisons with older women, I’m feeling disheartened because I remember opportunities presented themselves on certain evenings out say no more, and occasional readers to this Blog might already be aware (they won’t so humour me) just might remember I hadn’t yet masturbated myself to orgasm still at age 18! I know unbelievable or what!

All I can add is we lived in different more innocent times, I’m the product of a school with appalling sex education policies because incredible as it may sound to some, I hadn’t yet worked out how to use my penis properly more’s the point like most people I guess I can’t say I was overly concerned. Yes I’d purchased a second hand copy of ‘Penthouse magazine’ from my friend ‘Paul Suker’, money and pornographic contraband exchanging hands one sports afternoon in the school gymnasium changing rooms, but and this still makes me angry today ( 😀 ) just imagine the years of pleasurable me time I’d missed out on? Am I unique or were many other girls and boys of the 70s equally as naïve?

Anyways back in the good old days and yes they were, sex was rarely spoken about and MOST DEFINITLEY content WASN’T as readily accessible as now……….. just imagine my 1980s TV had 3 Channels and one of those was the BBC and if ‘auntie Beeb’ ever made the cardinal sin of showing a pair of naked female breasts on screen, questions WOULD have been asked in The Houses of Parliament, I kid you not, ‘The Viewers and Listeners Society’ that powerful 1970’s self appointed moral compass of the nation would have cited obscenity laws and executive BBC heads might have rolled.

I’m of an older generation you see (I’m old) I’d yet to use a computer for the first time, the internet and www were the stuff of science fiction films and possibly a day dream eureka moment sparking Steve Jobs imagination, as of this very moment I could google ‘naked woman’, press return and well you get the idea, yes I’d kissed girls but as yet never consensually groped let alone sex. The photo above brings back so many returning memories, break times of listening to fellow apprentice dating tales (or bs stories who knows), secondhand lurid accounts of fingering girlfriends the evening before and yes young men spare few details in close company, hmm… I guess that’s how unfortunate young ladies garner a ‘bad’ reputation, then again I have a sense girls are NO different when chatting amongst friends.

Anyways moving on!

I discovered the above photograph whilst clearing out my spare room, thirty plus years have passed by for heavens sake, and gazing at my youthful cheeky grinned self again I can remember this moment snapped in time as if yesterday, in hindsight I don’t lol think I was such a bad looking young man, perhaps if I’d been a little more cavalier on our apprentice nights out together, not been as shy also blessed with the self confidence and silver tongues possessed by several colleagues, looking back I know I passed on opportunities (judge me), you don’t need reminding thoughts of sex cross a young mans imagination once every 3 minutes. Back in the day at breaktimes, we fifteen used to sit on a wall outside the apprentice training college and watch attractive young women walk past, and whether you ‘men hating lesbian feminists’ agree with me or not, these young women adored the admiring looks and good natured attention. Happy days.

Err not the posting I’d intended to write, but not to worry sooon I might be back at work which makes me very happy 🙂 . 

A. Shepherdson 2020

‘The Empire on which the Sun never sets’

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My Grandmother’s ceramic ‘Empire’ Globe manufactured to commemorate the Coronation of King Edward VIII

I’ve a response posting for you today and specifically for a Blogger (all readers welcome) I’ve just recently started following, however I won’t name their blog here for fear of embarrassment. Hmm perhaps I should have begun my WordPress adventure with an orderly structured blog written around themes, rather than whatever ‘interesting’ topic floods my imagination that day?

All good fun.

You’ll have guessed by now after reading today’s Title, I’m sharing 5 photographs of my Grandmother’s ceramic ‘Empire’ Globe placed carefully upon a card table in my mother’s conservatory, cutting a short story shorter, because of the health dangers surrounding COVID-19 also my mother’s age means I only ever sit in her conservatory! Sad times 😦 .

Incidentally Eagle eyed readers may well have read the inscription encircling the base, if you haven’t it reads:

To commemorate the Coronation of King Edward VIII May 12th 1937

….….. and those of you who know your Kings and Queens of the British Realm will be aware Edward VIII was never ever crowned! He abdicated his thrown so as to marry his true love Wallace Simpson, a political scandal of the day which by all accounts nearly brought the Monarchy crashing down! Complete rubbish of course, I’m old enough to understand each and every year for these past 1000 years at least one member of our Royal family has disgraced themselves, yet to the dismay of many a Republican the House of Windsor always survives and stumbles on.

(You may be one step ahead of me again now drawing parallels between Edward and Wallace also the ‘Duke and Duchess of Canada’ 😀 Prince Harry and Megan, incidentally misogynism and xenophobic similarities of course don’t end there, divorcee Wallace Simpson was hated by the British press much the same as ‘money grabbing’ Megan is now and the reason she’s fled these shores, yep Meg’s decided she’d rather live abroad taking Harry with her (lol not that I’m particularly worried) but a terribly sad ending.) 

Oh yes returning to my Grandmother’s Globe!

When visiting my Grandparent’s home as a child without fail I’d ask my Grandma if I could touch and look at it more closely. So after removing from the mahogany framed china cabinate, and with me seated at the dining room table, Grandma would gently place the Globe in front of me so that I could carefully turn by hand. And why was I captivated by this unusual piece of pottery you may ask? I still am actually, in all my born years I’ve not seen the like of this ‘novelty’ again. I remember as a child marvelling that however slowly you rotated this globe by one revolution, a country painted red would ALWAYS be visible………. yes way back in the day 1937, the Great British Empire stretched across 64 countries and through the wonders of Wikipedia here they all are! (Btw the sheer number of countries was news to me!)

Afghanistan, Antiga and Barbuda, Australia, The Bahamas, Barbados, Belize, Botswana, Brunei, Cameroon, Canada, Cyprus, Dominica, Egypt, Estwatini, Falkland Islands, Gibraltar, Ghana, Grenada, Guyana, India, Ireland, Iraq, Israel, Jamaica, Jordan, Kenya, Kiribati, Kuwait, Lesotho, Libya, Malawi, Malaysia, Maldives, Malta, Mauritius, Myanmar, Nauru, New Zealand, Nigeria, Pakistan, Qatar, Saint Lucia, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Saint Vincent and the Grenadines, Seychelles, Sierra Leone. Solomon Islands, South Africa, South Georgia, Somalia, Sri Lanka, Sudan, Tanzania, Tonga, Trinidad and Tobago, Tuvalu, Uganda, United Arab Emirates, United States, Vanatu, Yemen, Zambia, Zimbabwe.

64 countries (note including the USA) who have since gained independence from Great Britain, hmm a sobering list don’t you agree, I’ll say no more because this is a politics free Blog but where did it all go wrong 😀 ? (Of course that’s if you’re British!)

So there you are, my Grandmother’s ceramic ‘Empire’ Globe which now resides in my mother’s china cabinet, I’m really unsure if it’s worth a great deal of money then again our Globe is a family heirloom which will be passed onto generations to come, as for rarity? I’ve not seen the like of it again and thousands of commemorative plates mugs and memorabilia were produced bearing the name King Edward VIII so no value there.

The British Empire comprised the dominions, colonies, protectorates, mandates, and other territories ruled or administered by the United Kingdom and its predecessor states. It originated with the overseas possessions and trading posts established by England between the late 16th and early 18th centuries. At its height, it was the largest empire in history and, for over a century, was the foremost global power. By 1913, the British Empire held sway over 412 million people, 23% of the world population at the time, and by 1920, it covered 35,500,000 km², 24% of the Earth’s total land area. As a result, its political, legal, linguistic, and cultural legacy is widespread. At the peak of its power, the phrase “the empire on which the sun never sets” was often used to describe the British Empire, because its expanse around the globe meant that the sun was always shining on at least one of its territories.

(Wikipedia)

…………….and even though over 40 years have passed I still enjoy gazing upon our lol once Great British Empire…… lol I’m saying no more! 😀

(Btw this post isn’t me lamenting the fact Britain no longer has an Empire, I’ll leave you readers to guess the context for a Response posting.)

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Guarding the Tower of London

🙂 A reminder of happier days.

I hope it goes without saying these photographs were taken by myself, ‘snapped’ during a daytrip visit 2019 to the Tower of London, incidentally an earlier posting tells the tale of how ravens came to be residents at the historic ‘Tower’.

Hopefully one day we’ll adjust to a New Normality, I don’t think life will ever return to the happy carefree days before this awful pandemic, however we human beings have always adapted to our surroundings, through out World War 2 my four Grandparents became accustomed to food shortages restrictions and hardship, they grew their own fruit and veg, my Grandmother pickled perishable produce to extend it’s life well into autumn and winter and COVID-19 is no different. Both young people and the young at heart will adapt to the New Normal whatever that may be. 🙂

On a more personal note I’ve set myself a goal. As of yesterday our Government is beginning to loosen its grip on ‘lockdown’, people are tentatively returning to work, social distancing remains and probably will for the foreseeable or possibly for evermore, and everyone is nervously hopeful there won’t be a second spike………… finger’s crossed but I’m far from hopeful.

🙂 I’ve set myself a personal goal, on the first day restrictions are lifted to visiting The Tower of London, I’m going to take a day’s holiday from work and have myself a daytrip to our wonderful capital City……….. oh and without forgetting my face mask!

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Guarding the Tower today are soldiers from The Grenadier Guards (lol says so on the sign!)
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These bronze 6- pounder guns were fired at the ‘Battle of Waterloo’ commanded by The Duke of Wellington, they’re individually named and saw action in various parts of Napoleon’s Europe 1813….. yep the ‘Battle of Waterloo’ no less!
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Grenadier Guardsman resplendent in robin red tunic and rich brown bearskin…. which incidentally are now made from fake fur, damn vegans!
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Sentry boxes such as these can be seen ‘dotted’ around the Tower grounds….. I guess they’re good cover because did you know it rains a lot in the UK?
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I was pleasantly surprised to see the Grenadier Guards were on duty, resplendent in their scarlet red tunics and probably the most recognisable regiment in the British Army.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

Holiday time is well and truly over

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Now I have to work from home the same as everyone else!

I had a severe reality check Wednesday afternoon, I’m not joking for effect because although lockdown this past 7 weeks has been a living hell, self isolating in my home for 23 hours each and every day being near intolerable, but if I’m honest with you dear readers, in some respects slipping into a routine of doing very little can be likened to a staycation. I’ll not lie waking of a morning at 9am beats my pre-pandemic 5.45am hands down, better still COVID restrictions mean I don’t have to queue at the bus top then endure a 1 hour commuter ride into Oxford, crammed like sardines in a tin rubbing shoulders with 50 other weary commuters. Yep lockdown does have its upside, I’m doing very little to keep my brain active and the Government pays my wages!

Oh yes returning to Wednesday’s afternoon!

Well first I receive a text saying my boss will arrive outside my home within minutes, also a reminder to socially distance at all times and we’d better get used to it because this is the new normality. Then just as I finished reading my text a Van pulls up outside my home, so I stepped out into the May sunshine to meet with my work boss, a guy I hadn’t seen for nearly 2 months and I think we both enjoyed the banter and conversation. Then he opened the rear doors to his Van and placed a selection of computer equipment between us on the pavement. 

As you can glean from my photograph of a newly assembled computer workstation, my employer has purchased new laptops, screens and peripherals so that we Technicians can work from home, yep a reality check that my 7 week holiday time is well and truly over. But having to work from home isn’t so bad, I’m emailing colleagues and I’ve sensed these past several weeks being isolated from work is taking a mental toll, is emotionally draining and beginning to affect my mental health. So after quickly Googling to find out the cost of all this Dell equipment I discovered the new laptop cost £1000 alone! And wow after switching on and downloading the required software I soon realised this laptop is a powerful amazing piece of tech………… shame it’ll have to be returned one day.

Now I have to draw on my reserves of self-discipline, get myself into a routine frame of mind and work, there’ll be no more sitting in my garden enjoying the warm sunshine on my face. But seeing my boss after such a long time was a reminder of how much I’m missing social interaction with my work colleagues, a reminder that when the sun’s out and the temperatures rise so do dress and skirt hemlines! Sigh, there’ll be no Female secretaries wearing transparent summer blouses or girly age 18+ students with exposed long legs, no cute young Researchers with shapely boobs clothed in loose fitting tee shirts, you know the ones where she leans forward and the viewer gets a flash of pink boobs, however not this year, 2020 will be a disappointment in so many different ways. 

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So back to work it is along with hundreds of other employees working from home, solitary independent individuals who’s only connection is by means of the internet, hmm I’m wondering post pandemic might this be the workplace of the future? 

A. Shepherdson 2020

My Toolbox, only trouble is it’s at Work!

‘Working for a living adds purpose to life and a reason to get out of bed every weekday morning’

After 6 weeks of lockdown (legally enforced home detention) I’m sooo mind numbingly bored, the day to day tedium of eating and sleeping, one daily walk, perhaps masturbating, and living on my own is draining me of all spirit and enthusiasm to live, I’m NOT necessarily complaining mind, because we’re all fed up with these COVID-19 restrictions, all upset by tragic heart wrenching News stories that test our emotional resilience, to such a point many of us no longer watch the horror and limit our exposure just so as to remain sane! 

If truth be told I’m missing my workplace, I long for the social interaction with colleagues, to see their friendly faces, listen to amusing tales and funny stories, share anecdotes and gossip about who’s alledgidly having an affair (I work in a large institution where gossip is everywhere!) I’m missing the comradery and banter nurtured over the many years we’ve worked together, I miss chatting about yesterday’s soccer matches, putting the world’s to rights, complaining about Management and yes social interaction with female secretaries or admiring (18+) shapely ‘girly’ students……. those f###ing filthy Chinese and their disgusting insanitary non existent food hygiene habits have a lot to answer for!

(Or was covid released from a Lab?)

Yes I’m increasingly frustrated but most of all I’m harbouring feelings of rage, angry at these disgusting b******* who’ve robbed good decent people of their paid occupations, changed lives forever, and tragically so many people have lost relatives before their natural time, such a needless waste of life and heartbreakingly avoidable……. And yes I’ll freely admit to having walked past Asians and felt like voicing my anger, giving them a piece of my mind, of course I don’t but I understand why these people are being racially abused, and yes I felt terribly sorry for the Nottingham Chinese lady who was doused with hot coffee by abusive van drivers, yes unfair and uncalled for, but I understand the reasons why.

Why? Because whatever happens after this pandemic is over our lives will never be the same as before, those experts telling you how life will change are lying because no one knows how this will end, but be sure of one thing IT will end!

As usual my stream of consciousness has strayed.

The reason for this posting was an excuse to share a short video my workbench, the reasons why I filmed easy to explain simply because I’d been ‘test driving’ my new smart phone camera……. but watching once again I miss my workbench terribly, between the hours of 7.30am-4.30pm I’ll use those hand tools throughout the day, I’ve sat at this bench 5 days a week for the past 15 years, I’m comfortable relaxed and at ease with the world when I’m making parts or putting kit together, I know my way around these tool chests so well, and lol rather sadly, I can instinctively choose the correct required tool to such a point you could blindfold me and I’ll find whatever you ask for.

I miss my toolboxes so much so it actually hurts, now I’m wondering if those 3 bananas are still there!

(Having said all OF that I can’t say as I miss my boss 😀 )

Photographs taken (by me) from within my place of work, technically I shouldn’t be publishing them but after carefully scanning I can’t see anything tooo incriminating.

So now I’m wondering post pandemic will I ever work again?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Visiting my Mother (‘schsss’ I’m breaking the Law)

By rights I should be banged-up in Prison by now! My crime visiting my Mum’s house yesterday and contravening ‘The Emergency Corona Act 2020’, no seriously if you apply the letter of the law I’m now officially classified an Offender……. Holy blank just image the asshole horrors I could be subjected to sharing a prison cell with another guy, I’ve seen the movie Shawshank Redemption.

Okay, yes I’m joking for effect (err I think I am) however under new emergency legislation I’m only permitted to leave my home for a visit to the local supermarket, a short period of exercise (no one has a clue what this means), deliver food or medicine to a dependent, however the regulations stopping us from visiting friends or relatives is causing a great deal of confusion, and what constitutes ‘short exercise’ anyway? Taking a cycle ride into the countryside is exercise. To their credit many Police Forces are applying these new Laws with common sense also restraint, however many other Police Forces are dishing out Fines like they’re going out of fashion!

Btw I’m not criticizing our wonderful first responders they’re most likely as confused as the rest of us.

Now I’m old enough and wise enough to understand rushed through legislation, flabby Law’ is also open to misinterpretation and could well end in tears, after all we’ve been here before, remember The Dangerous Dog Act? That well meaning knee jerk reaction to those horrific canine attacks in the mid 90’s, sadly this swiftly drafted well meaning’ legislation was a disaster, I’m sorry but stories of veterinarians euthanising people’s beloved pets just because a dog growled were indefensible.

Time will tell if being fined £600+costs+a victim surcharge by overzealous stormtroopers sorry Policemen/women, all for the crime of standing waiting on a rail station platform without a good reason is justice well served, ‘Rushed Law is Bad Law’ isn’t that how the saying goes?

Ok this Law is only weeks old, hopefully guidelines will be clarified and published soon, if not perfectly law abiding citizens may well refuse to pay fines, contest unjust cases in Courts of Law and chaos will ensue, BUT yes I understand we are living through the worst public health pandemic for 100 years………… I get it! 😦

Anyways, not to worry my mother enjoyed a half hours natter and friendly company, we observed social distancing, I washed my hands, sat in her conservatory for the entire visit and she disinfected the chair after I’d gone home…………

And finally photos taken by me sitting in mum’s conservatory,

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I visited my Mother yesterday. I contravened new legislation. I BROKE THE LAW!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Yay I now have toilet roll!

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Yes I now have toilet roll, and WHAT’S more I’ve managed to buy a multipack of NINE soft tissue rolls!!! How lucky am I? And jeeze isn’t it a sad state of affairs when the sight of shelves stacked with loo rolls makes you happy, I was that excited I nearly wet myself. 

Well not quite, but truthfully I couldn’t stop myself smiling all the way to the cashier’s conveyer belt, a pretty young lady (I always choose them) positioned behind her newly erected protective glass, not to be laughed at because I personally know of 6 COVID-19 deaths in my Town…….. AND they’re all over age75, hmm that statistic betrays a sad truth!

ToiletRollgate! As you can imagine many theories exist on the internet as to why planet earth went short of toilet rolls, I’d describe the many myths and theories written by experts (no shortage of them on the WWW) as not so much conspiracies, but the most perplexing phenonium of the 21st Century, every woman man and their dog has an opinion so for what it’s worth here’s mine.

Everyone is in agreement panic buying customers stripped supermarket shelves, to such a point the species were on the brink of extinction, and everyone appears to agree the panic buying started in Australia. Back in mid March their Health Department Tweeted people should stock up on loo rolls BECAUSE (and this is important), BECAUSE as well as wiping your ass (apologies) toilet tissue can ALSO be used to blow your nose, a genuine health message there! Corona virus is airborne spread by infected people sneezing, I get that, it makes sense. Then of course Aussies in their droves went out and purchased loo roll, TV companies picked up on the story and a global domino affect ensued, ‘that good ole’ herding mentality for you (heard that phrase a lot) prompting us irrational stupid humans into a frenzied buying and hoarding orgy.

‘Hmm, is hoarding a mechanism for gaining back control in a crisis?’ 

However panicking as a reason for shortage seems tooo simplistic, after all that’s what supply chains and warehouses are designed for. Then just last week I watched a boxing video on YouTube, an interesting interview with the world’s top Promotor discussing the Sport’s future post pandemic, when for a reason that escapes me? Eddie Hearn suggested the most plausible explanation yet!

Thus.

Apparently in the world of selling toilet rolls, the global production/delivery/selling industry is divided into two ‘businesses’, two totally separate independent supply chains, one involving supplying schools factories hospitals libraries fire stations etc……. you get the idea! The second supplying supermarket shelves only and nothing else, two supply chains ‘that never the twain shall meet’ so to speak.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Yes?

No?

Common concentrate.

Well Eddie’s theory goes, after the panic buying subsided people’s homes were fully stocked, quickly followed by Governments locking millions of people within their homes (I’m saying no more), the consequence people stopped using toilets in their workplaces offices restaurants, instead they began working from home thus creating a domestic loo roll shortage, you get the idea, workplaces overflowed with tissue rolls but uhmm no one was wiping their ass! 

Seems a plausible theory to me, what do you think? Lol do you care?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Chinese ‘filthy’ meat Markets

Having ‘a good rant’ is a great way of ridding yourself from frustrations and is strangely therapeutic.

You have been forewarned! 🙂

Definition of a wet market: A place where animals for human consumption are freshly slaughtered but not chilled, apparently Chinese have an appetite for warm meat!

Please look at this photograph below. Taken in a Chinese meat Market I’m both saddened and angry thinking to myself ‘are these shop owners f###ing insane?’ At what point do these morons pictured think it’s acceptable to sell food for human consumption in such insanitary conditions, dirty and germ-ridden unclean unhygienic environments so disgusting as to be a danger to human health! Beggars belief, and heaven knows how unclean the killing abattoirs and slaughter houses must look like because I can only imagine they’d be worse…… could animal butchery actually BE any worse?

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A Chinese meat Market shop & shopkeeper

Open Shop fronts (and I apply the word ‘Shop’ loosely), rows of Market stalls devoid of glass windows keeping flies outside displaying fresh cuts of meat, tables open to the elements exposed to dirty rain droplets, unclean food ‘outlets’ populated with filthy Chinese humans wandering past no doubt handling and prodding meat joints, motorcars driving past throwing up dirt and soil, belching carbon and sulphur from their exhausts contaminating meat products, and I ask you, in what world does a Trader think this acceptable?

(Google ‘Chinese meat Market’ but be forewarned there ARE photos worse than this, then again perhaps don’t!)

Oh and not forgetting the flies and insects landing and s###ing on the meat, infecting carcasses with disease ridden soon to hatch maggots, and where’s the temperature controlled refrigerators? Where’s the obligatory chest freezers always visible to the rear of a butcher’s shop? And don’t tell me ‘all flat surfaces’ are washed down with clean water and disinfectant at the end of the day, like they are in the UK. And I’m left wondering are those cuts of meat from different species of animal, pig and boar hams hanging on skewers beside goat corpses, raw chicken legs in the same blood filled trays along with cattle steaks? And don’t get me started on pathogen infected pangolins and bats…… No wonder thousands of people are dying each and everyday in Europe and all because these deplorable Market Traders gave zero consideration to public health, the tragic consequence a COVID-19 global pandemic!

The repercussions are heart wrenching and yet totally avoidable 😦 .

I’m left asking myself are the reasons for this mindless stupidity cultural? Or are these morons just ignorant and uneducated, unaware their insanitary conditions breed infections and disease that ultimately kill humans, or do these Shopkeepers turn a blind eye to Chinese food hygiene standards (and apparently they do exist) because if the answer’s yes, then they are guilty of murder!

Incredibly and sadly, Wuhan’s wet Market is again open for business 😦 …… wild animal bush meat anyone?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Thai ‘happy endings’

Today I’m sharing possibly my favourite ‘red chair story’ from The Graham Norton Show……

Why so Andrew? Fun to write that’s why, and blurs my mind away from this awful virus story, well just for an hour or so, take care ❤ .

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But first for those of you who don’t understand the phrase ‘happy ending’, lol I find that very hard to believe but I’ll share the definition anyhow.

Happy Ending, def: When a girl (usually Asian) gives you a full body massage, she’ll ‘more often than not’ finish your session with hand relief ‘blowjob’ or full on sex.

Urban Dictionary

Btw you just have to visit the Urban Dictionary website for hilarious alternative definitions to words and phrases used by your teenagers.

Click here and I’ll link you to my own massage tale with a Happy Ending, no photos which goes without saying oh and Dana was her name!

Where to begin? Are you familiar with the BBC’s Graham Norton show? I’d guess the answer’s a resounding yes seeing as this fun comedy show is The ‘Beebs’ most lucrative export, I’d heartily recommend watching Graham’s ‘A list’ celebrities share their funny stories and humorous anecdotes, a perfect Friday night antidote to all that is wrong in our world well that’s before………!

Hmm I just had a thought, corona may have changed scheduling for a while but I’m not giving up all hope.

Blah blah blah lol, of course you’ve all watched Graham and fully aware he finishes every episode with ‘Stories from his Red Chair’, a finale where member’s of the public are given the opportunity to share their own funny story, the only rule being the often hilarious true tale must involve themselves, and be jaw dropping near unbelievable with a sexual twist! Just like the woman who after running for a train sat herself down breathless in a carriage seat, glanced down to see a breast had flopped up and outside her tee shirt, ending with the guy sitting opposite saying……… “please don’t apologise Miss!” I did enjoy that one.

Go to YouTube for more Red Chair Stories!

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Oh yes Graham’s Thai Happy Ending story! Jeeze I do have a terrible habit of getting sidetracked, ask me to name my favourite red chair story, and you’ll find it somewhere on YouTube for sure, if not I’ll try and retelling in my own blogging style………… for some reason it’s my favourite?

An English guest, a guy in his 30’s, ‘plonked’ himself down in the chair and proceeded to tell the story of the day his mother took him to a Thai massage parlor, I know! What was this mad lady thinking? What mother would take her 16 year old son to a frigging massage parlor!

Well turn’s out, and Graham’s guests have to keep their anecdotes clipped brief, many years ago he and his family lived in Thailand and one day his mother took him for a body massage as some sort of treat, enough to say she can’t have been ‘a woman of the world’ and I’d say incredibly naïve. Anyways, this guy and his mother lay on separate massage tables separated by only a curtain, both enjoying a massage when at some point his mother realised the quiet moans and groans coming from behind the curtain, were actually her ‘baby boy’ being climaxed to a hand relief orgasm, jeeze that’s a story to tell all your friends back at school, or for the mom to share with her FB group…….. hopefully happy fun-filled days will return again.

I guess any mother reading could imagine the dawning horror at realising the apple of her eye, her teenage ‘baby’ is being jerked off by a Thai lady masseuse, and right alongside her behind a curtain! Imagine the embarrassment, the blind panic listening to her virgin offspring performing a sex act, the spine chilling dawning she’s giving him hand relief? What an earth was this lol crazy woman thinking? Guys visit Thai massage parlors specifically for the happy ending hand relief, I do, and if you’re interested and thanks for asking, my masseuse is a 25year old (very pretty) lady from Romania!

So there you are, my favourite Red Chair story and heaven knows why I can remember it so vividly, and if you’re at all wondering this guest of Graham’s was a really pleasant young man…………. wow I bet he couldn’t have believed his luck that day!

Fun story though.

Try and stay positive, I’m struggling but you gotta have hope because there is no other alternative 🙂 .

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

‘Over and down your Mons Pubis’

🙂 #Fun erotica.

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……..and you should have seen the ‘googled’ pics I could’ve used 😮

Or the art of enjoying cunnilingus and fellatio during a crisis.

Lockdown oral? Err sounds a little like a weird sexual fetish involving chains padlocks, gleaming patent black bustiers and micro skirts made of PVC, black leather boots shrouding a ‘Dom’s’ creamy white thighs, and bedroom wardrobes large enough to lock a guy inside….. apparently? No don’t be silly, I’m of course referring to couples having sex whilst voluntary cocooned in COVID-19 isolation, sorry, house arrest or legally enforceable home detention now that Boris’s emergency legislation is enshrined in British Law.

He f#cked up but that’s politics for you, now let’s return to my posting about sex 😀 .

I’m beginning to feel jealous of all you happily married couples, you know, laying in bed together early mornings, gently awakening your beloved with a stroking rhythmically sensual hand relief the perfect start to a stressful lockdown day, or gifting hubby a relaxing sensory bj now that you have all this free time on your hands, oh and sloppy wet which goes without saying, slurps of drooling warm saliva lubricating his purple bellend, your mouth wide open full, the tip of your tongue kissing his perineum sure to put any man in a good mood for the remaining day, hmm I’d guess blowing hubby regularly is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

And perhaps if you are a lucky girl, after he’s ‘come’ and you’ve either spat or swallowed, he’ll then gently roll you over laying a warm to touch hand on your tummy, gently circle his dextrose fingertips that drag and pull at the skin sending tingles down your spine, releasing pleasurable chemicals into your brain. The anticipation of a touch to your kitty making the arch of your back wriggle and squirm, your needful body now pleading to be pleasured by orgasm. Though his idle hand won’t linger long before a smoothing silky skinned palm moves down below, slipping beneath your pantie hemline you hardly notice the delicate lacy fabric being lifted and disturbed, and now inside your damp cotton underwear an open hand glides over and down your mons pubis, the involuntary signal to part your thighs ever so slightly more, divide that precious curtained entry to your cave of jewels emeralds and rubies, folds of sticky labia parting to reveal kitten soft skin and the unspoken invitation to touch your moistened wet kitty.

Yes after blowing your betrothed an early morning orgasm, he’ll be excited enough to return your favour, of course he’ll slip off your delicate underwear from shapely legs, his firm hand now pulling at your inner thigh as he repositions himself between wide parted legs, the wider you stretch tight muscles the wider your vaginal canal will be, now aroused ‘bucking’ and hard again, he’s invited to nuzzle his face deep into your pleasure garden and feast upon your sweet nectar, you gasp throw your head back as the tip of his tongue dances like a twirling skater on ice……..….jeeze writing this nonsense has given even me a hard on! Way tooo many metaphors Andrew! 😀

Blissfully happy you’ll lay deep into soft cotton bedding wanting his cunnilingus skills to last forever, well at least until you’d ‘come’! And hopefully IMPORTANTLY climaxing before freshly woken children run to the bathroom spoiling the fun, then again I guess you could both do a ’69 position’ and cut the foreplay time by half? Yep I wish I was married, I’m sooo jealous of all you lucky horny couples now gifted hours of free time to enjoy early morning sex and (lockdown) Oral.

 

(Written Just or Fun and spare a thought for me, I haven’t slept with a woman in well over a month.)

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Mother’s spring daffodils

Daffodowndilly
She wore her yellow sun bonnet
She wore her greenest gown
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head
And whispered to her neighbour
“Winter is dead”

Poem by A.A. Milne

My mother’s passion in life is growing flowers in her garden, and being as our own Spring season has finally arrived I thought why not share her potted flowering Daffodils. Exquisite beautiful perennials she grows every year, and yet again I’m so pleased with my £8 digital camera’s results, as I’ve said before bought from eBay……… quite probably the best purchase I’ve made in my life. (See more pics on this WP).

I Googled daffodil poems (as you do) and no word of a lie there were so many to choose from, however one delightful simple poem captured my imagination called ‘Daffodowndilly’ by A.A. Milne…… brilliant I love it!

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My mother’s ‘daffodils’ photographed 10th April 2020

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A. Shepherdson 2020

‘The Simpsons’ Canada version

This video ‘went viral’, which of course means wherever you live on the Globe you’ll already have seen it…. 🙂 made me smile and we all need cheering up. 

The video (below) I copied from the BBC website then uploaded on to my YouTube Channel, what-the-heck, I made NO money and very few watch my videos anyway.

A family in Ontario, Canada recreated The Simpsons’ iconic opening sequence – complete with “Maggie” being beeped through a supermarket checkout, and “Homer” at work at the power plant.

Joel Sutherland, his wife Colleen and their three children decided to film their own version using old Halloween costumes of the characters, and props from around their home.

Dad said “We were looking for a project to keep the children busy and engaged, and take their minds off all of the things they cannot do right now”.

A. Shepherdson 2020 also ©BBC video (and aren’t the Sutherland’s awesome and look out for Maggie at the end!)

What Charles Darwin had to say about COVID-19

(My argument for today and final Posting for the foreseeable 🙂 . Allow this virus to take its natural course because suppression will have awful social consequences, it’ll then be over by Autumn and the survivors will have a herd immunity, yep survival of the fittest and if you’re curious I have epilepsy so lol I’m well and truly f#cked 😀 !!! Some readers may be offended feel free to disagree. Peace and love ❤ )

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“Living or dying is determined by natural selection, your struggle to exist is by selective breeding within the world’s natural cycle of evolution, so today might be your last day on earth? Hard luck my friend, life’s a bitch just live with it!” (Charles Darwin)

(Extract taken from ‘The Origin of Species’ written by Charles Darwin 🙂 )

“Why should Doctors and Nurses be the ONLY people in society risking their lives? Isn’t that a selfish way to live your own life? EACH and EVERY one of you should be exposing yourselves to this Virus every day, taking the exact same risks healthcare workers do, and unfortunately if YOU become infected then ‘C’est la vie’ your struggle for existence may soon be at an end.

You’re all adults you all should have realised by now life is UNFAIR, so take a deep breath, walk out of your home every morning, live your life the best you can, wash your hands, wear a mask, social distance from your fellow human beings, don’t bitch and moan about your lot, be nice to people and if the virus infects and you fall ill, you never know you just might be one of the 96% who survive to live another day!

I once coined the phrase survival of the fittest, the strongest live while the weakest die, Laws of Nature applying to every bird fish animal or organism on planet earth, so if you fall ill and corona virus kills you, like I said life’s a bitch and today just wasn’t to be your lucky day.

Don’t MAKE doctors and nurses the only one’s to risk their lives, stop being selfish and go risk your own!…… Blacksmiths, Serving ‘wenches’, Stonemasons, Candle wick makers, Prostitutes, Stagecoach drivers and other essential occupations included 😀 .”

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Living in a Ghost Town

Photographs taken by myself (©Andrew) at midday 6th April 2020.

Below you see a series of 4 photographs all snapped (now there’s an historic phrase for you) with me standing at the very same spot on our planet’s surface, they’re all captured using my (new) Smart phone and all taken pointing in a North East South & West direction. 

(Ever heard the saying Never Eat Shredded Wheat’? Ugh what? That’s the rhyme my mother used to teach me as a child so I’d remember the clockwise points on a compass, hmm is there a name for this teaching aid?)

Anyways where was I? 

There’s a startling visual phenonium flooding the internet at the moment, and of course social media has picked up on it, whether on FB or Insta, you’ll see fascinating pictures taken of global City streets striking by the absence of ALL human beings. But there’s more, even more remarkable are the Global tourist attractions taken before lockdown and soon after, again there’s not a human animal in sight!

Whether outside Buckingham Palace or The Taj Mahal, Cityscape wonders of the world usually packed with people are empty and they’re truly remarkable, capturing your imagination because empty Cities no longer exist, incidentally I read a remarkable statistic yesterday it’s estimated one Billion souls are currently locked inside their own homes!

😮 one Billion me included!

Anyways ever the one to latch onto a trending #hashtag I thought I’d share photos of my own Town’s empty Streets, btw I live somewhere in the UK (lol wall’s have ears and I don’t want some crazed Italian woman trying to track me down again, but she did look stunning out of her virgin white bra and panties, no virgin though!)

Back on message, gazing at my photos once again it’s no exaggeration to say I’ve never seen my Town look so empty, yes startling photographs but also a little unnerving upsetting even…………… hopefully we’ll return to normality soon 🙂 .

Incidentally the pillared building pictured below/left was historically my Town’s centre, in the year 1606 Richard Ashcombe left £50 to build a house ‘over and above’ the Cross, which later became a place where residents sold perishable goods such as butter.

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Looking NORTH 
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Looking EAST
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Looking SOUTH
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Looking WEST, alas Police will stop a Motorist to ask him where he’s going

The City is Birmingham 1982, the song ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials a social comment of a depressed and decaying Britain………..

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

My homemade Cottage pie

Not a food recipe for vegans!

Just so as you are aware I’m no ‘Delia Smith’ around the kitchen, but I can cook when I apply myself and I’m pretty nifty with cakes and biscuits as it happens! When I first moved into my home many years ago, I promised myself I wouldn’t eat on a diet of High Street shop takeaways and I’ve kept that promise, though I will admit to buying the occasional chilled supermarket meal, but they’re never as tasty has homemade food agreed? BTW I didn’t panic buy groceries when our lockdown was first announced, but with self isolation looming I did buy frozen beef mince and chicken for curries bolognaises etc, and plenty of rice potatoes and pasta etc.

(So did everyone else along with toilet roll, why?)

Anyways enough chat, yesterday I defrosted 400g of lean beef mince and decided to make a cottage pie (or lol the opposite way round), a positive task to keep me amused, then I thought why not add the photographs onto my WordPress, another positive task….. and yes most people reading will make an improved version but ‘hey ho’ humour me 😀 .

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Unfortunately due to lockdown isolation I had very little fresh vegetables in the fridge, but not to worry, lol the broccoli complimented my ‘homemade’ cottage pie 😀

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The Virustatic Shield (a ‘snood’ manufactured in the UK)

I know today’s posting is corona virus related, but I’m hopefully giving you information that’s also helpful……… if nothing else watch the short News video.

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The Virustatic Shield made in the UK, I’ve worn worse

Please note I make NO claims as to the effectiveness of Virustatic Shield, here’s the link to their website https://www.virustaticshield.com/ I first read of this story a week ago, yes their company does make bold claims, either way it’s an interesting read all the same.

Brand new Virustatic Shield gives extra anti-virus protection for you and your family. The easy-to-wear snood helps prevent infection.

So thin, you won’t believe its virus stopping power. Proven to trap and kill airborne pathogens.

Created by world-leading scientists. Suitable for the whole family. Reusable and washable. Traps and kills 96% of viruses

Questions of “should I be wearing a mask?” “Or shouldn’t I?” ARE actually stressing me out BIG TIME! In this world of limitless corona virus news stories being streamed across the internet, I do consciously try and limit my exposure for my own mental health, you have to or this tsunami of digital content will seriously affect your wellbeing but PPE/Masks are on everyones thoughts.

We live in a world of fast moving news stories like never before, they change by the day, the hour or even 10 minutes even! Amongst this Tsunami of factual information there’s one question upon everyone’s minds, people living in every country right across the Globe are desperately asking themselves, “when I leave my home should I wear a mask?”

I’m not criticising experts politicians or whoever, first the WHO says no but now they’re undecided leaning towards yes, Trump says wear a scarf but who the #&$% care’s what he says. I read an article yesterday that said the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) is suggesting yes they can help, but the BBC are saying no because we mustn’t leave Health Workers without PPE (quite right to!), and finally some cities are passing legsliation stating all citizens must wear one.

Confused? I am.

My guess is by next Monday we’ll all be wearing masks of some type, but then what do I know? 😀 Nothing.

A news story courtesy of our trusted BBC.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Staying home PROTECTS lives

Oh dearie me, Scotland’s chief medical officer Dr Catherine Calderwood has been a very naughty girl. Usually a person’s fall from grace swiftly followed by an unreserved apology makes for wonderfully entertaining TV viewing, we do so enjoy watching the rich and powerful, pompous and hypercritical being snared by the very advice they’re lecturing other’s to follow, especially if the delinquents sour faced apology, sorry sermon! Is delivered standing before a lectern it’s like watching a crash unfolding before your very eyes!

Only problem is Catherine’s hubris is a whole lot more serious, for the past few weeks she’s been quite rightly pleading with the public to stay at home and so protect the NHS, then yesterday a Scottish newspaper published photos of her visiting her second home (40miles away), I’ll spare you the pictures but she’s been spotted outside walking with her husband and children!

Sadly the saying ‘Do as I say and Not as I do’ comes to mind, however I’m not gloating, Dr. Calderwood is good person, a health professional sharing ‘life or death’ advice we all must follow to stop this awful virus from spreading. Catherine doesn’t deserve the hate emails and radio phone in abuse she’s receiving, she’s apologised unreservedly, admitted irresponsible behaviour and given a touching honest response, so let’s all give her a break shall we. 🙂 

‘Stay at home and Protect lives’

England's chief nursing officer Ruth May
England’s cheif nursing officer Ruth May, “stay home, protect the NHS and save lives 🙂 “

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Selling your ass for money

So what to make of today’s Title? To begin with 4 of my past 5 postings have all been corona virus themed, I’ve enjoyed the creative writing process however 4 is quite enough for the present. Not to worry, I’ve revisited my draft postings and blown the dust off this masterpiece languishing unloved and unpublished! It’s politically incorrect (if not darned right illegal) and morally questionable, out of synque with present day social distancing regulations (a frigging understatement if there ever was one!) but I’ve decided to publish (yeh Andrew keep calling yourself a writer) and be damned….  now I’ll quit apologising and allow you to decide if selling your ass for money could ever be considered acceptable.

We’re all prostitutes of a sort, we can all be bought if the price is high enough, can’t we?

Note this posting isn’t a movie review however it is an Indecent Proposal!

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l;jhI’m going to pose a rather delicate question, however hold on before scrolling down to take a peek.

Do you remember the motion picture ‘Indecent Proposal’ starring the fabulous Woody Harlesden, sexy Demi Moore and screen icon Robert Redford. The premise of the film is Woody and Demi, a young beautiful hipster couple are truly madly deeply in love, besotted with each other, just understand if you’ve never watched the film, the movie’s narrative never stops reminding you Woody and Demi have discovered their soul mates…… yes each other.

Forgot to mention they’re newly married.

Now for the plot twist, into this highly watchable tale appears the cool and charismatic Robert Redford, still to this day one of the most beautiful of men to have starred on the silver screen. Well to cut a long story short (and I ain’t gonna worry about giving away spoilers, Indecent Proposal was released in 1993 for heavens sake!) Robert Redford falls for Demi’s character and why an earth wouldn’t he, a combination of both carnal lust and a long distant memory of a similar lady he once loved, Redford offers the two lovers an indecent proposal of one million dollars for ONE night in bed with Demi……. do I really have to detail the sex scene in their Hotel room? No lol.

Ok Redford #@&^%$ Demi and they fell in love……. why wouldn’t she? And how dumb was Woody?

So now I pose the question, and just be aware I’m pathologically obsessed with this moral dilemma, wouldn’t you agree everyone has a monetary price for a night’s passion with their partner? Don’t they? Many couples allow their partner a gimme’, you know a sexy movie actor/actress they’d begrudgingly happily allow them to sleep with, an amusing hypothetical game which will never be tested in Court.

But returning to my indecent proposal, can you envisage a price for a night’s passion with your partner? If the relationship is on the cusp of divorce then the answer’s easy, take the money, divide two ways and run, however if you’re deeply in love with your betrothed possibly sharing children, would you say “no sum is large enough”, or would you sell a night’s passion with your wife or husband if only for a new house car and spending money!

Like I said this conundrum often crosses my mind when say sitting in a train station’s waiting room, two lovers walk past holding hands wander past and I muse ‘would they?’…………… Well you’ve got to keep an imagination busy when bored out your brains!

Now for a (really) Indecent Proposal.

Ok let’s take my narrative one step further, in a creepier weirdo direction. Remember my previous post Yoga Pants (true) story, imagine yourself  for a second walking a path dividing a grassy green common alone, oh and you’re a WOMAN! When all of a sudden a rather well dressed guy appears beside you, the pair of you began chatting about the nice weather you’ve been enjoying or the like, you trust any motives, the banter’s friendly making you feel comfortable and at ease, then the pervert rascal asks you “how much money to squeeze your ass cheeks Miss?”

Holy crap what do you say?

Bearing in mind your two hands are laden down by grocery carrier bags meaning you cannot smack him round the cheeks, you know, drop the bags smashing the eggs and jam jars. Well after the initial shock passes and you didn’t feel particularly threatened (ok just run with my creepy proposal… and I know you’re unconvinced), the friendly conversation continues if a little nervously, that’s until he offers you that indecent proposal!

(The woman is offered £20)…….. “you can #%& off!”

£30 ………..‘where’s a policeman when I need one’

£40 ………. ‘is he for real?’

£50 ………. ‘I think he’s for real’

£60 ……….‘well the daughter does need new shoes’

£70 ………. ‘ok I’m interested’………. ‘but how much higher will he go?’

£80 ……….‘I can’t believe I’m tempted’

£90 ……….‘omg the wallet’s out of his pocket!’

£100!…………

Would you glance around to see if anyone’s watching, swiftly accept the money and whisper,

“Go on… get behind me…. you can squeeze my ass cheeks…… but nothing more mind!!”

Lol where’s the problem? Who’s to know? And by this point you’ll have guessed I’m convinced every woman will prostitute herself agree to be propositioned if the amount is large enough…….. and before you say,

“No guy would pay £100 to touch my ass”,

You’d be surprised, male fantasies and fetishes have no limits, trust me there are men who’d pay for the thrill of squeezing a married woman’s buttocks, sleep with her for £1000s even but I’m not going there, sexual prostitution’s a whole different Posting!

😀 A. Shepherdson 2020 

New Corona virus legislation, living within a Police State

Ok before I begin, I’m not stupid, I understand both the reasoning and need for ‘The Health Protection UK Act 2020’. I understand the reasons why 60 million UK citizens are no longer permitted to leave their home, at least for a minimum of 6 months before the legislation is reviewed.

Six months! 😀 That’s living within a ‘Police State’ in all but name.

So please let me be clear on this, I’m not complaining, this corona virus infection death rate after having tested positive for COVID-19 is doubling every 4 days. As of now 600 deaths a day, and expected to be 1000 deaths per day when our Easter break falls. So understandably our Government attempts to suppress these tragic deaths by fear (I’m not being critical), fear of contracting this awful disease and the burden this puts on our NHS, also fear of monetary fines, Court appearances and/or possible prison for those contravening these new Regulations. 

Sad times, ‘it is what it is’.

“If you are not complaining Andrew, why publish this today?” you may ask. Well having this WordPress has given me a disciplined reason to sit down and carefully read this new Act of Parliament, or ‘Instrument’ as Boris prefers to call it? (Statutory Instrument is a new one on me)……. 😀 why else would I have bothered posting? 

😦 To be continued, A. Shepherdson 2020………………

Below, extracts (screenshots) from the new 2020 Emergency Act of Parliament.

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Legislation brought before Parliament, ‘Health Protection Regulations 2020 
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Prosecution: ‘As of this moment, Fines and/or arrests, perhaps a Court appearance’
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Restrictions on Movement: ‘To take exercise either alone or with members of their household’
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Fixed penalty notices: ‘Authorised person (Police) issues a fixed penalty to a person he believes has committed an offence under this legislation’
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Restrictions on movement: ‘Reasonable excuses for leaving the house’

The Mountain goats of Llandudno

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Well appears everyone on social media across the planet is posting photos of the Mountain goats of Llandudno, so I thought to myself ‘Andrew why not jump on the bandwagon?’

These Mountain goats normally populate the rocky Great Orme Country Park land, also occasional visitors to the seaside town of Llandudno (in Wales UK).

Ever heard of the phrase

‘Wild nature always takes an empty space’

If you haven’t but you’re a keen gardener, you’ll be all tooo aware clear a patch of soil from all vegetation, leave unattended for several days, and weeds will have already begun re-invaded the space as their own….. yep wild nature always takes an empty space goats included.

The wild herd of ‘shaggy coated’ goats were most likely drawn by the lack of people, few cars, and the absence of tourists due to the Covid-19 lockdown. Oh and a plentiful supply of lush green grass………… they won’t be the only wildlife species either!

A. Shepherdson 2020

Coronavirus. Known unknowns?

The greatest ‘known unknown’ of our times, a question I’ll ask myself at some point each and every day…… don’t we all? 

“When If I catch the corona virus, will I be one of the 97/100 who get better again? Or one of the 3/100 who’ll sadly pass away?………….. I’m not being morbid about it, statistics don’t lie!

“There are known knowns; there are things we know we know.

We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.

But there are also unknown unknowns; the ones we don’t know, we don’t know.

And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.”

Donald Rumsfeld (Secretary of Defense) 12/02/2002

I’ll try and keep my narrative as clear and simple as possible, after all I’m a simple guy, and remember this is a themeless Blog.

Ok I’ll be completely honest with you dear readers, rather pretentiously, I had intended to try and draw parallels between Rumsfeld’s famed, no quite brilliant “unknown unknowns” speech, to try and make sense of this COVID-19 chaos? But THAT would be yes pretentious, pseudo intellectual wanky……. in other words I wouldn’t have a clue what I was talking about. All I will add is Rumsfeld’s 2002 speech is considered one of the greatest soundbites ever spoken by a politician, iconic even, never to be bettered for the sheer mental gymnastics required trying to make coherent sense of it! ❤

Perhaps hawkish Rumsfeld isn’t as smart as he thought he was, asked by the reporter at the video’s ending, George Dubya’s policy salesman couldn’t apply any to the original question!

But it’s still brilliant, genius and if the internet is any indication, used to begin many a writer’s thesis whether that be microbiology or the complexities of international warfare. Ahh hold on a second, humanity is at war trying to defeat Covid-19 and turns out, and I’ve done my research here, turns out ‘unknown unknowns’ originates from the 1950s when first used by defense analysts, so who knows? Perhaps at this very moment very intelligent men and women are using it as a tool to defeat corona virus?

Maybe.

Who knows, perhaps I’ve just been trying to find an excuse to share one of my very favourite YouTube videos on my Blog……. you didn’t know this but I’m a bit of a ‘famous speech’ anorak!

Anyways I’ve learnt today that rather than being an off the cuff nonsense soundbite, with George Dubya’s political fixer soon after universally ridiculed and lampooned, people initially thought the statement was pseud’s corner gobbledygook! However the concept of the ‘unknown unknowns’ existed long before Donald Rumsfeld gave it a new audience.

Discussing Politics makes a change from my adoration of the female form, you know my references to wobbly succulent peachy buttocks and dripping wet kitties!

A. Shepherdson 2020

‘Social Distancing’ comes easy to us Brits

‘I wake of a morning, stare at the light bulb dangling from the ceiling and question myself, is this chaos for real? (Big sigh) Tragically yes it is 😦 .’

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Queuing comes easy to us born and bred Brits, my Grandparents living through two World Wars became accustomed to decades of food rationing, the ability to queue patiently is in our DNA……. picture taken by me waiting to enter a Supermarket to buy food and notice the security guards! Boris’s Government is doin ok, the Country’s pulling together 3 new hospitals are being built as we speak, the UK is working to a plan and long may this continue 🙂 .

We Brits are adjusting relatively easy to social distancing, 🙂 doesn’t surprise me actually.

Rationing queues outside grocery shops existed well into the early 1950’s, my mother still has her now treasured ‘Ministry Of Food’ rationing books kept from when she was a child, my Grandmother told me she’d join orderly queues affront food shops NOT wanting anything in particular, only that there was always an off chance a delivery of either fruit meat or veg was waiting to be distributed………. like I said, queueing just might be in our DNA! (Ok no… but you get the idea.)

Evelyn Dunbar, The Queue at the Fish Shop. 1945
Evelyn Dunbar ‘The queue at the Fish Shop’ and notice the grey drab clothing, the not so Great Britain was bankrupt!
THE WEEKLY RATION FOR TWO PEOPLE, UK, 1943
Late 1940s Weekly food rations for 2 people whether they be rich or poor! And the reason both my Grandfathers kept chickens, one even grew his own vegetables on two ‘allotments’……… in fact the allotment concept still exists to this day… and look at that cheese…… for TWO! 
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28 Housewives waiting in a line………….. I’m saying nothing! 😀
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Food rationing a common sight in Villages Towns and Cities across the UK
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…… and those who haven’t a clue as to what I talking about, the ‘allotment’ garden is a throwback to WWII, and who knows they just might become a common sight once again? 

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Medical Ventilators, the most sought after piece of equipment on the Planet!

Medical-Ventilator-Market4

(I make no apologies for TRYING to share a sense of urgency, without this WordPress I simply wouldn’t bother writing, I’d be sat worrying myself watching the News all day.)

Incidentally, I’ve taken great care to source my facts from trusted websites also I’m an Engineer by trade.

Myself included, the horrific covid-19 deaths across Spain and Italy have reminded us corona virus is no attack of mild influenza, testing positive for corona attacks a body’s pulmonary system, alters a human’s ability to draw breath into damaged lungs, drugs are useless only this technological breathing aid called a ventilator is of use, and when connected to an oxygen supply lives are saved.

Ok I’m going to calm myself down, write a little less excitably, with a calm measured tone from now on…….. however I make no apologies as to the importance of these medical marvels, and the worldwide insatiable desire to own them, find them, buy them by any means possible foul or fair! In this case, there’s no ‘quite literally’ about it ventilators can be the difference between living and dying.

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Keeping ‘ahead of the curve’

Keeping ‘ahead of the curve’, the statistical phrase covd-19 will forever be remembered for…  and yes (I’m sure) one day this will all be an awful memory 🙂 .

If you don’t enjoy reading my postings, that’s fine I write them for myself and anyone who’d like to read 🙂 . Tomorrow’s will be a little more positive.

My humble advice, why not try limiting yourself to watching only one trusted News outlet, my own being the BBC.

I now try and limit exposure to corona virus news stories to one half hour’s concentrated reading in the morning (virtually impossible I know), I trust our very own state funded (sorry taxpayer funded) BBC, and for the well being of my own mental sanity, I’m limiting myself to scan reading headlines then clicking on news stories that capture my imagination for in depth reading. Whether that be a putting a positive community spin to lift the heart, or truly horrific statistical graphs that reveal death rates are doubling every 4 days revealing we’re two weeks behind Spain and Italy, you just have to limit your News exposure. Looking on the bright side our Government appears to be ‘ahead of the curve’ the new buzz phrase this virus will be long remembered for.

Anyways, the Government today published photos, both shocking and comforting at the same time. Below the newly constructed ‘Nightingale Hospital’ London, tomorrow’s posting will be a little more light hearted. Take care.

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A. Shepherdson 2020

Can you become immune to COVID-19?

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My go to source for unbiased truthful News reporting, you’ll of course have your own 🙂

If you’d prefer to skip my text, I’ve a News Link also a Face mask video below. Take care 🙂

So can you become immune? That’s THE question we’ve all been wondering about these past several weeks, but who do you believe when there are so many untrustworthy websites out there, also an information overload courtesy of the News sites you do.

Well quite by chance I discovered this The New York Times article below, turns out the answer is a qualified yes, however with some significant unknowns and one extremely important caveat, you may be fortunate to have recovered from Corona, and yes you’ll be immune to further infection however you could still pass on the virus to others.

The New York Times: Can you become immune to the Corona virus?

I’ve visited The New York Times website, and the above article was uploaded several hours ago (but there’s a pay wall)…….. in other words it’s NOT fake news. Do as I do, find yourself a News outlet you trust, limit yourself to a few short periods reading each day then go try find something more enjoyable to occupy your time with, and my trusted media conduit is? The British Broadcasting Company BBC of course, funded by the Tax payer and free from Commercial bias. 

And finally, in my humble medically unqualified opinion, the best advice I can take from the viral  experts is wash your hands, wash your hands, keep washing your hands and don’t touch your eyes nose or mouth.

A Corona Virus mask protection video uploaded onto my YouTube Channel….. illegally I might add but I doubt anyone cares 🙂 !

A. Shepherdson 2020

When in Rome (do as the Roman’s do!)

All 3 of my previous three posts bombed at the box office, come on lol give me some credit for trying to lighten a sombre mood, yes they were out of cinque with the horror that’s enveloping all of our lives, and perhaps now is not the time for tales of hand jobs and young women’s sweet peachy ass? Yep lol, very little feedback from my readers and to be quite honest I don’t blame you …………. but ty if you did ❤ . 

When In Rome: proverb: when vacationing abroad (or in unfamiliar surroundings) you should adopt the customs or behaviour of those around you.

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Are you familiar with curry flavoured ‘Pot Noodles?’ Boiled Curry flavoured brown water with strands of lol rubbery pasta noodles…….. convenient, tasty and not so bad 😀

Earlier this week I went food shopping, late evening so virtually every grocery shelf in my local supermarket was half empty, “the British public should be ashamed of themselves” so said an NHS executive on witnessing displays of panic buying, and sadly I have to agree 😦 .

I purchased a loaf of bread, several jars of preserve etc however what really captured my attention was the sight of customers wandering away from a caged pallet carrying 4 pack ‘Pot Noodles’, well like I said ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do’ so I place one in my basket and realised there and then I haven’t tasted one of these in 30 years, no word of a lie not since my mother stopped buying them… that is until today!

And my culinary verdict is? Lol unchanged, both the freeze dried powdered sauce and slightly rubbery pasta hasn’t improved this past quarter of a century, but ‘it is what it is’, convenient tasty and filled a hole…… sad times 😦 .

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

‘Looking fab in Yoga Pants’ (2)

Short story Fiction and please allow me a little credit 🙂 . 

Anyways, here’s my (very) amateurish attempt at writing a fictional tale……… and if you absolutely must leave the home? Remember to keep your distance from fellow human beings, I know it’s difficult but far from impossible, like you all I’m trying 🙂 .

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You won’t be surprised to know a website GIRLSINYOGAPANTS.COM actually exists!

***************************************************

I’ll admit to feeling a touch sexually excited, I’ve just returned home from the High Street with a pint of milk in hand, purchasing a little food because I refuse to panic buy and hoard. To my credit I observed a walking distance from others, but one has to make dry porridge oats at least taste palatable. Such are the chaotic times we live in, today it’s a simple joy to stretch my legs and feel the warmth of a spring morning sun upon my face, and who knows? Perhaps today will be my final walk in the sunshine for a while as Britain’s lockdown bites!

Gotta keep positive.

Yesterday evening I felt very down and depressed, but seeing a few happy smiling faces wandering around the Market Square quite cheered me up, btw to a person laden down with carrier bags of non perishable groceries however I will never point a scolding finger, such are the uncertain times we live in I’ve been guilty of a little hoarding as the rest of you, we human’s are anxious creatures and storing pantry food is a way of gaining back control……… perhaps we’re closer to lazy hibernating hedgehogs than we’d care to admit?

Oh yes I’m feeling a touch sexually excited! Truth be told considerably more than a touch because for the past fifteen minutes my jean’s crotch has been near bursting at its seams, penis tingling sensations pulsing along a shaft making it as hard as hard can be, and if you’re curious sporting the mother of all erections to such an extent I could hardly walk!

Having just purchased milk to keep me going over this weekend, a versatile staple food with so many culinary permutations, quite by chance I happened to be tailing two young women. lol keeping two metres to their rears as you should do 😛 ! Two care free happy girls also returning with their delicious booty. (Age appropriate which goes without saying!) Both slim figured slender and tall which is just how I fantasise them, one wore a bottom covering winter jacket, the other a salmon coloured jersey with black skin tight Yoga Pants, inadequate figure hugging material now shimmering against the low sunlight and you wish to know more? Her willowy toned legs were so smooth in appearance they just might have been spray painted black, and I mused! Oh yes I mused ‘how much to squeeze those ‘two buns’ Miss?’

But I cannot! I mean I wouldn’t cause you gotta remember to social distance at all times, and phew just so as you know I never have done nor ever will!……. Gotta get that one out!

(However doesn’t very woman attach a price on her body? A monetary value ‘slapped’ on her ass however prim and proper she may be, or how desperately she’s in need of cash, hmm so how much would she have charged to let me squeeze…… just sayin! 😀 Btw grasp this thought, I just may revisit my contentious ‘if illegal’ indecent proposal.)

Mesmerised I was! The sideways displacement of her child bearing hips a joy to behold, two plump round buttock cheeks quivering in time to each walking pace as only a female human can do, and gazing ever deeper into her pert round ass, bright sunlight illuminated the tenuously thin material to such an extent the Yoga Pants appeared translucent. Yes I could just see a hint of milky white skin through this unbelievably erotic garment, a G-string in place of panties her ass betraying a glorious feminine sexuality………. omg I couldn’t overt my gaze for ONE WHOLE quarter an hour!

And if you’re curious she didn’t once glance behind to see who was following, anyways even if she had, and noticed my pint of milk she’d assume I’d been grocery shopping the same as everyone else. Today I had intended to write a fourth corona virus themed post on the trot, yes more comment may well follow but I just had to take a break, forget about this awful viral catastrophe and mused why not lighten the mood sharing a sexy tale.

Even within these depressing times it’s funny how the sight of a pretty girl’s wobbly ass cheeks still brings a smile to my face, a little joy to my heart, uplifting jaded spirits and reminding me it’s the simple pleasures in life that make life worth living.

And finally, if you really must leave your homes remember to socially distance! Now I must do something about this damned rock hard erection……. any ideas please?

One final word writing, Blogging, dreaming of trim asses keeps me sane!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Looking fab in Yoga Pants! (1)

***Don’t be overly shocked! These 2 Posts kept me out of mischief…. corona virus and all 😦 ***

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Yep I’ve been a-surfing the www again, omg 😮 how an earth does she pull this look off?

Tell me if I’m wrong but is this young lady wearing Yoga Pants? Whatever they’re called they leave little to the imagination and not at all good for a middle aged guy’s ‘ticker!’

I’m not a huge fan of GIFs however I couldn’t resist these 6. You’ll see a great many of these around Oxford pre-lockdown, swinging hips and wobbly buttock cheeks are awesome and if one’s really lucky perhaps a glimpse of kitty…… whoever kitty is? Well at least I’m honest 😀 .

So here’s a question and remember I’m not sexist, at what age should a woman throw her own pair into a trash bin? Lol I’m genuinely curious!

To be continued……………..

A. Shepherdson 2020

Happy Mother’s Day

I’ve sexy photographs for all you middle aged moms to enjoy? Now don’t lie, I read your blog posts so I know you’re all sexually frustrated mares at heart 🙂 , btw how is it anatomically possible for a vagina to take that inside? ………… Anyways here’s a Just For Fun posting and try to enjoy Mother’s Day tomorrow.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

 

Strangely enough I’m unworried (today)

UntitledI hope you’re coping well under the circumstances 🙂 …… believe it or not I am still commuting to work, yep here in the UK my employer is yet to close our University Department. Why so Andrew? God only knows but we’re hoping they have a cunning plan, either that or they’re waiting for Governmental edicts to trickle down instructing us what to do, or more’s the truth management are as bewildered as the rest of us? Who knows, but these are unpredictable uncertain times, the new world order is forget the past and understand pragmatism is the new word to live by, coping with problems sensibly and realistically, a heightened mindset my Grandparents lived by during World War 2. 

Yes a rather very trite analogy but what else can I say? 🙂 ……. Anyways my apologies if this sunny disposition pissed you off.

(Oh and switch off that blessed TV news.)

Early Monday morning the above email popped into my Inbox, turns out barely 50metres away from our workshop someone tested positive for COVID-19! Apparently the unnamed academic felt unwell over the weekend, had themselves tested, informed The University then did the intelligent thing and self isolated. The amusing consequence being everyone I bumped into for the rest of the day either laughed a:

“Did you hear the news? I guess that means we’re all @%&£*# then!”

Or some such similar less profane response from the women (adorable creatures), but interestingly to a person NO ONE panicked, there was to be NO running around screaming in floods of tears, nope everyone just went about their normal duties though almost certainly a little more thoughtfully………. yep a positive test in the next building along certainly sharpens the imagination!

Perhaps we’re all a touch more well prepared for bad news in Oxford, nervous stoicism being the watch-phrase, you see my University city known the world over is alas a Corona Virus ‘hotspot’, the national statistics don’t lie, the coloured maps the TV love showing tell us what we already know, thousands of foreign students study at Oxford and no fewer than 30 foreign Nationals on our Group alone, we’re well aware carriers walk these city’s streets of dreaming spires and who knows how this one’s going to play out over the coming days, we thought Twenty First Century was fast paced well the new world order will be even quicker still, hopefully I’ll be mentally strong enough to cope.

If you want my personal opinion, and thanks for asking, I’m more convinced than ever after having watched this past week’s awful news stories, it’s the News Broadcasters who are panicking and the British public who are coping relatively well (that’ll change), anyways look after one another. 

Early days and I’m enjoying reading all your Blogs 🙂 . x

 A. Shepherdson 2020

 

The Virus hunters

Today’s post is a Link to a fascinating and beautifully written article, no don’t disappear there’s photos as well! I’m hoping this share from ‘The Daily Telegraph’ website will play in overseas territories, incidentally The Telegraph is a quality UK newspaper……. if a touch Right Wing lol.

Photos by Simon Townsley.

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Sierra Leone’s ‘Virus hunters’ From Ebola to swine flu to HIV/Aids, viruses borne by animals have caused some of the most devastating epidemics in history. What will come next? In Sierra Leone, Joe Shute joins the scientists working to find Disease X – a virus that is as yet undiscovered, but which could have the potential to ravage populations

Had enough of fake news and scare stories? I’ve a factual article which may interest you 🙂 .

A true tale following a group scientists on a trek into the rain forest’s of deepest darkest Africa, northern Sierra Leone to be more exact, sparsely populated and little visited, very few remote regions such as these exist on planet Earth. These band of brave men and women are searching for something called ‘Disease X’, an as yet undiscovered pathogen with the potential to spark a pandemic, and what are they searching for in Sierra Leone jungles? Bats! Warm blooded mammals also carriers of some of the deadliest viruses on the planet, many are unknown, several such a Ebola and Corona have killed thousands upon thousands of humans, and in the jungle may lurk the one disease that could………….., with thoughts of Corona virus on my mind (I’m quite worried now) I discovered this article and decided to (hopefully) share.

Immensely readable and of course highly topical, ‘Virus hunters’ makes plain that as man encroaches ever deeper into remote jungles, almost certainly another virus could jump species the very moment a bat sinks its bloody fangs into a human being…. the warning is there are places where human beings must never go.

Oh yes that link!……………                 The Virus hunters

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A bat is removed from a mist net so the viruses it carries can be tested and documented.
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Sierra Leone August 2018 looking for new strains of the Ebola virus in the wild animal population.
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I’m still unsure if the article was written before Corona?….. My guess is yes.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020 (and The Daily Telegraph)

 

Corona virus, Toilet rolls & Supermarkets

Pictured below you see empty toilet roll shelves in my local ‘Waitrose’, have you noticed the guy looking in my direction? I’d describe him as an interested spectator watching me taking photographs earlier this afternoon, funnier still a minute or so earlier, he’d ALSO been photographing these same empty supermarket shelves!

Rather self consciously I pocketed my smart phone, carried on walking, moments later pausing to exchange a perplexed friendly comment, then he said, 

Guy with the bald head: “These empty shelves, is it because of the corona virus?”

Me: “I think so…. people appear to be panic buying.”

Guy with the bald head: “Utterly bizarre!”

Me: “Yes… I couldn’t agree more.”

…………. and with that, the two of us grinning men went our separate ways to continue an evening’s grocery shopping.

I’ve a suggestion use newspapers in place of toilet roll as my great grandparents would have done, cut out photos of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson and take great pleasure and satisfaction using them to wipe your ass!

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My local Waitrose this evening, notice the empty toilet tissue shelves, wtf?

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Then I walk around the next isle, and there’s enough bottles of alcohol to open your own Wine Bar.

Am I missing something? Has a News story passed me by saying the world’s toilet roll producing factories are closing down? That there’s a global shortage of carboard tubing used to bind tissue paper around? Could it be when you catch Corona Virus one of the symptoms is uncontrollable diarrhea?

If you know the answer please do tell 🙂 .

I am genuinely dumbstruck, face masks and bottles of disinfectant yes, but switch on your TV, or read your browser’s News feed and whether you live in London New York or Florence Italy, the world’s Supermarket shelves are emptying of toilet loo rolls.

Uh?

Panic buying makes me angry, a distasteful spectacle of human being’s at their most ugly, displays of greed and selfishness, the hoarding of food and a total lack of respect for others. For goodness sake we have an abundance of groceries and there’s plenty enough for everyone, I’d guess one News outlet filmed an empty toilet roll shelf, people rushed to their Supermarkets, a snowball effect ensued and before you know it there’s a worldwide retail shortage of toilet rolls.

Are we witnessing globalisation at its most terrifying, a shortage in ONE retail outlet triggering a global rush for food clothing petrol whatever, or is this an evolutionary throwback to dinosaur times, when berries growing on trees came into season and bountiful and cavemen felt the sudden urge to forage for food, collect hoard and store fruit before a diplodocus hoovered them up from the forest floor.

I have to agree with my bald headed Supermarket friend, “utterly bizarre!” 

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

An Angel tapped his shoulder

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My Saturday lunch time treat, a fried beef burger with cheese and tomato ketchup all inside a large white ‘bap’….. yum yum.

My Saturday morning treat, a guilty pleasure that’s more than a little unnerving oh and you’ll have guessed I’m not vegan.

Don’t you agree my cheeseburger looks delicious? What’s more it tastes divine, however rather troubling is the sight of pale sticky animal fat cooling in a frying pan afterwards.……. a diet of these furs arteries in the heart often culminating with a heart attack! 

So have you ever stumbled across the saying ‘an Angel tapped me on the shoulder’, if the answer’s no and no don’t google, for those of us reaching a certain age and perhaps experiencing our first major health scare, a tap from an angel’s heavenly hand reminds us of our own impending mortality……. mind you I’ve often thought ‘the Grim Reaper tapped my shoulder’ has a more truthful ring about it, if a little morbid.

Touch wood, still at age54 I’ve experienced no major health scares, no ghostly spirit has come a calling, however I know of a man who unfortunately has and his recent heart attack came as a total shock, he thankfully survived but as you’d imagine he’ll never be the same man again, a new life has begun of changed diet, cutting out red meat and eating more fruit and veg, a daily routine of tablets also regular light exercise, doctor’s checkups, looking after his body, forever with thoughts of ‘my heart is damaged’ and that’s enough about my friend.

He’s thankfully ok, shaken but ok, and a retiree I used to work with had stents fitted 20 years ago and he reached the grand old age of 83. Living in the modern technological age gifts us amazing medical treatments that allow us to lead a healthy usable useful life.🙄 Live each day as if it’s your last. 

Hmm so what of me? I walk up three flights of stairs at work and I’m slightly out of breath, a little worrying but I don’t drive a car therefore walk EVERYWHERE, but still perhaps I should be cutting out animal fat from my diet, perhaps the time’s come to stop eating homemade cheeseburgers? 

Perhaps eat more of these?

..……… God’s honest truth I’m feeling pains in my chest!

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

My ‘strawberry blonde’ Webcam babe

(So how to make sense of today’s posting? Hopefully it’s a fun read and will alter any preconceptions you may already have.)

I hope you’re having a lovely Sunday…… might spring have arrived early?

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A Webcam ‘babe’ earning money from the comfort of her own bedroom….. and why not 🙂

Am I guilty of being a life loser? Or a guy with a healthy interest in social media and (within reason) most topics internet related? You decide 🙂 , oh and with a healthy respect of women which GOES without saying, incidentally the beautiful strawberry blonde below just might be named ‘Sasha’? 

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Sasha’s performing a private show and notice her Tip Menu to the rhs, putting on socks = 27 tokens – and naked oil show = 777!
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‘Sasha’… not her real actual name, but Sasha kinda fits my tale

I agree a touch long and not for everyone but I enjoyed writing this, hmm might I be on the cusp of my first ever addiction?……… You gotta agree she has fabulous boobs!

If I’m at a loose end, bored of surfing the net or organising my online finances, more ‘not than often’ I turn to an adult online chatline called and yes I will name the site, called ‘Chatbate’. Not that original bringing together the two words ‘Chat’ and ‘bate’ as in masturbate. BUT note I never do, I’ll never visit the private chatroom of an attractive lady to kneel in front of my laptop screen jerking off. Nope never ever happens, honest!

BTW if you are curious each token’s worth £0.08.

So judge me for admitting such a heinous blasphemy and alas I never tip them money in the form of tokens, I’m a little guilty about that, I guess I’m what’s known as a freeloader, you know watching a woman undress for free…… I would though, then I read chatbates terms and conditions, holy blank they were scary reading, long story short you basically handover your email address also bank details to a Californian porn company, leaving them to share the info with god knows who…. Russian gangsters?….. Nope not going to happen even though there is one certain young lady I’d love to tip, but the financial risk aint worth it.

I’m genuinely a touch dejected about that.

Judge me!

I guess I fit the profile of lonely middle aged man, and my retort would be so what, Chatbate is legal and regulated, user friendly for over 18year olds, morally acceptable in content with friendly conversation I’d liken tooo blogging…….. oh not forgetting, separate Rooms of women young and old, hustling to make a little money and that’s ok lol.

Knowing what I do of the sex industry many ladies will be sole breadwinners, many will have young children, there’ll be no glittering academic education with not so many employable skills. So what do they do to make money? They rent a chatroom fitted with streamed webcam, and do whatever they feel comfortable with AND always abiding by legally regulated house rules, ie nothing that breaks law such as consuming drink no drugs, no children present, no penetrative sex, no animals etc…….

In other words all good clean fun where all parties understand that fun is making money, the dictionary definition of hustle. You ARE hustling for a living, I am, so are they, so is everyone.

Agreed?

I’m the last man to pass a scolding opinion, these global ladies are hustling earning money to live and pay the bills, students to pay grants, and I guess their consumers are lonely middle aged guys who enjoy conversing (via chatlogs) with women and friendships are formed, with engaging witty female conversationalists earning good sometimes fantastic money, the bigger the outgoing personality, exponentially the more they’ll earn and if they do get some asshole chiming in with disgusting comments then all she has to do is kick him out and they do!

Oh and they have to remember men are watching as they remove items of clothing….. yep they’ll be jacking off….. and that’s ok….. I guess lol.

Talking of stripping, you readers maybe wonder what ‘activities’ do the online women actually get up to? Invariably they have a menus of do’s, beginning with several pre-purchased tokens for a smile, several thousands more for a masturbation show, with reasonable amounts in-between for the removal of bras or panties. Then again, some ladies are strictly tease only without removing underwear, perhaps only bra flashing or showing their ass wearing panties to the camera…….. men cannot ask direct requests, and the women cannot ‘badger’ men into handing over money I guess both scenarios are classed as bullying and or extorsion… like I said all legally regulated vanilla fun between consenting adults.

I don’t sit and gaze at these women hour after hour, no read an earlier post for frigs sake, I’m out 12 hours a day working for a living, but yes when home, making tea, and if a certain young lady is working yes I’ll watch her from my laptop afront the microwave oven, not religiously mind you. ‘Sasha’ has a Bio which reads she’s age 23 living in Eastern Europe and you have to agree is an absolutely stunning young woman, she answer’s questions from the attendees in her room, ‘giggles’ and smiles a lot, is very engaging with a warm personality and an all round lovely lady, nothing seedy mind you, her chosen occupation is to work 4 hours a day hustling for money but just differently to the rest of us, oh and reading the chat log which can be highly entertaining reading! Then every so often a guy will pay a considerable amount of money for a bra off, or even more to take her into Private chat, the screen goes blank black for ten minutes where I guess she strips off her sexy underwear and performs a full female masturbation show for his enjoyment…….. and who knows if the guy’s jerking off….. my guess is yes….. and why wouldn’t he?

I guess all I’m saying is, these women aren’t morally bankrupt, agreed?

So judge me, lol the choice is watching YouTube videos and reading blogs while I wash the dishes lol, I don’t watch TV News and time to time I occasionally gaze at lovely ‘Sasha’ from Eastern Europe laying on her bed removing wearing sexy underwear, perhaps once in a while revealing a shaved kitty or removing her bra for a minute or so…….. I guess the skill is NOT to become emotionally attached to a fantasy for we human’s have inherent addictive personalities, whether drink drugs tobacco or idealised women, I can see scenarios where guys fall in love with these ladies hustling for a living.

Nope addiction won’t ever happen to me.

Incidentally and if you’re at all interested, I never watch pornography, the sight of actors copulating disgusts and bores me to frigging tears……… in-fact pornsites should be banned from the web if only because children access them.

So my question is… if pushed would you be happy to strip naked for money?

A. Shepherdson 2020

At least I can still get an ERECTION!

Tagged #Just For Fun and #sex-education info with no… and I do mean NO accompanying dick selfies, that’s just plain disgusting and just so as you know I’ve never texted one in my life nor ever will. 

Regular readers to this WordPress just might remember a recent Birthday post, lol probably not, well one particular phrase has been ‘pricking’ my imagination ever since….. 

“But I can still achieve an erection so ‘phew’ life’s not all bad.”

……… so I guess that makes this evening’s a prompted response? Incidentally pictured below a cartoon lifted from the net……. made me smile, 🙂

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A question for you, do dick jokes make you laugh? If the answer’s yes, I’ve 3 Male erection jokes lifted from the internet and hopefully you’ll find them as amusing as I did 🙂… though keep in mind I’ve the sense of humour of a 13year old, but then haven’t all men?

1: The Priest and the Nun

A Nun and a Priest were crossing the Sahara desert on a camel. On the third day out, the camel suddenly dropped dead without warning.

After dusting themselves off, the Nun and the Priest surveyed their situation and after a long period of silence, the Priest spoke:

‘Well, Sister, this looks pretty grim.’
‘I know, Father. In fact, I don’t think it likely that we can survive more than a day or two..’
‘I agree,’ says the Father. ‘Sister, since we are unlikely to make it out of here alive, would you do something for me?’
‘Anything, Father.’
‘I have never seen a woman’s breasts and I was wondering if I might see yours.’
‘Well, under the circumstances I don’t see that would do any harm.’

The Nun opened her habit and the Priest enjoyed the sight of her shapely breasts, commenting frequently on their beauty:

‘Father, could I ask something of you?’
‘Yes, Sister?’
‘I have never seen a man’s penis. Could I see yours?’
‘I suppose that would be OK,’ the Priest replied, lifted his robe, and almost immediately he was sporting a huge erection.
‘Sister, you know that if I insert this in the right place, it can breath new life!’
‘Is that true Father?’
‘Yes, it is, Sister.’
‘Oh Father, that’s wonderful … now stick it in our camel and let’s get the fuck out of here!’

2: A man goes to the Doctor for a prostate exam.

The Doctor puts on his rubber glove and asks the man to bend over, he inserts a finger in his ass and begins the checkup.

After a minute or so the doctor says, “Don’t worry, it’s very normal to get an erection during this exam.”

A little confused, the man turned and replied, “But I don’t have an erection?”

Doctor. “Yeh I know… but I do!” 

3: Two guys standing on the end of a pier, peeing.

“Man that water’s cold.”

“Sure is — deep, too.”

All very tame reading, anyways they made me laugh and I did enjoy the Nun and Priest story.

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I should just like to point out NOT my own Smart phone case

So before reading this evening’s posting, tell me honestly could you explain the biological mechanics to a guy achieving an erection? Well truthfully I couldn’t have, still at the age of 54 my erect penis is as hard as a rod of iron, and being serious fo a second I thank the Lord I’m still able to get it up……… omg I cannot imagine the mental anguish and emotional suffering erectile dysfunction brings to a marraige, I’m not fooling around, any medical condition is awful and truly upsetting fot those concerned 😦 .

What IS an Erection?
An erection starts in your brain. Something you saw, felt, smelled, heard, or thought makes your nerves send chemical messages to the blood vessels in your penis. The arteries relax and open up to let more blood flow in; at the same time, the veins close up. Once blood is in the penis, pressure traps it within the corpora cavernosa. Your penis expands and holds the erection. When the inflow of blood stops and the veins open, your penis becomes soft.

cockring-placement-picture-900x900-300x300Having never used a cock ring in my life before, I’d suggest the point to this sex-aid will be trapping blood within the penis thereby holding his erection, and then I guess you can enjoy sexual relations to your heart’s content? Or until the kitty feels chafed and a little sore?

……. and again tell me honestly, did you know the biological definition of Ejaculation? I didn’t before this evening, I’d suggest we’ve either been on the receiving end of one, or have masturbated since being small children and just so as you know I jack off no more than three times a week, which according to the internet is about a guy’s average, the regularity dependant on whether our secretary at work flashes her right boob in my direction. I nearly ejaculated right in middle of a Group meeting for heaven’s sake!

What IS an Ejaculation?
When you’re aroused, tubes called the vas deferens squeeze sperm from the testes toward the back of the urethra. The seminal vesicles also release fluid there.
The urethra senses the sperm and fluid mixture. Then, at the height of sexual excitement, it sends signals to your spinal cord, which in turn sends signals to the muscles at the base of your penis. These contract powerfully and quickly, every 0.8 seconds. This forces the semen out of the penis as you climax.

Women reveal on Twitter, they’ve had a frigging enough of men sending dick pictures, they’re neither fun or funny, more to the point disgusting enough to make them gag, and the act of texting is both sinister and predatory…. like I said, just so as you know I’ve never sent one in my life.

So what of me? And regular readers to this WordPress will know I love talking about meee. Well seeing as you’re interested thank the Lord I’ve never had trouble achieving or maintaining an erection, btw 160mm is above average and we all know how size matters to us men, we’re very insecure when discussing our penis lengths, and like I’ve said before I’m a 5 minute ride to copulation kinda guy, any thoughts of maintaining my hardness for 2 hour marathon sex sessions are a complete anathema, perhaps I should buy a cock ring?

Nah I’ll give rubber devices a miss.

A jewel of inspirirational thought ‘hit me’ around about my Birthday, perhaps not the momentous awful day itself, anyways there I was standing beneath a hot steaming shower, as hot as I can physically bare, and I can picture myself now gazing down at my flaccid softened penis and saying to myself  ‘omg you are over 50 years old!’ And yes we men do refer to our dicks as third party, now that’s a fair old age for such an important organ, over half a century we’ve been joined together and lol like I keep reaffirming, thank God the old man still works!

If ‘he’ no longer ejaculated, I’d honestly be beside myself with grief after enjoying a lifetime’s orgasmic pleasure, and still to this day I’m impressed by the visual display, watching it harden before my incredulous gaze, and the speed of erection never fails to astonish me, quite literally watching blood engorge from 50mm-160mm in less than 3 seconds is nothing short of amazing, and they harden at most inopportune sometimes embarrassing times,  jeeze the tricks nature plays can be simply breathtaking.

Talking of the women I have slept with (and you can read many a true tale here on my blog) my erect penis has never reduced a woman to laughter, when dropping my boxers I always make a point of watching her face, hoping for a reaction, perhaps a shy lick of the lips soon followed by warm palms working their magic on my member, stoking fondling rolling dextrous fingers around the bellend, and from my experience women very nearly love my erection as much as I do. Incredibly I’ve never had to ask a woman to take me in her mouth but then does any man? Hmm that always appears to be a voluntary reaction on seeing a penis she likes… because believe me when I say size matters!

AND thankfully women cannot talk when their mouth’s are full! 😀

Haha that’s quite enough silliness for one blog post, I was about to wax lyrical on the joy’s of penetration but I’ll leave that ‘masterpiece’ for another day……. yep in conclusion I do still love my erect penis 😊.

………….and finally to the British comedian Billy Connolly’s thoughts on getting old, “never ever waste an erection.”

So what’s your preferred length of erection? Discuss 😉 .

A. Shepherdson 2020

Age 16-54 years unbroken Employment

The reason for this post is? Thinking aloud that’s all, idle thoughts🙂…… I’m neither whinging or feeling sorry for myself, employment is my choice to make and I know how lucky I really am.

Now just so as you know I’m NOT complaining, ok! I’m one of the lucky few to be in full time secure employment, for now, let’s see what horrors Brexit hopefully doesn’t have in store because, well there are good reasons why high European import taxes may effect my employer’s profitability, perhaps Brexit uncertainty is the reason for my unhappiness or perhaps there are darker reasons? Anyways that’s enough introspection for present…. perhaps there’ll be further thoughts to follow.

I awake every weekday morning at 5.45am, I battle a commuter 45minute bus journey to work, then work from 7.30am to 4.30pm, come late afternoon I battle an even longer return commuter journey home, only to walk through my front door at 5.30 evening time……. lol the same routine 40 weeks a year as I have done since age 16 years, but like I said I’m so very fortunate because a great many people don’t have paid employment and I’m FOREVER reminding myself how lucky I really am, but 16-54 years for heaven’s sake 😀 perhaps I should have changed carreers at age 30? Perhaps I’d be happier if I was married, then again blogger Skinny and Single said to me, “be careful what you wish for”.

Two videos this evening, me operating a metal turning lathe another featuring my workbench, the very same bench I first stood before 10 lol years ago.

Incidentally I’m NOT complaining, I enjoy my job and the 12 hours of my life everyday is worth it, pay’s the bills…… but what’s life all about, I mean what an earth is the meaning of life? I guess love your family also as much sex as you can find seems about right.

 

After re reading, the word ‘perhaps’ doesn’t half feature a lot, night all.

A. Shepherdson 2020

The ‘button down boob gap’

“And here’s me thinking I knew everything there was to know about women’s fashion….. turn’s out I didn’t”

I have a female breast tale for you this evening and if you’ve not read this blog before you won’t know of my (healthy) breast obsession, oh how I adore those warm squidgy bundles of fun ❤️.

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Busty girl’s boobs create a wardrobe malfunction technically referred to as the ‘button down boob gap’…… well who’d have known?

As god is my witness, until researching this evening’s photos the phrase ‘button down boob gap’ was unknown to me, and here’s me assuming I knew everything there was to know about knickers bras and ladies lingerie, I’m a man of the world so how on earth did this phrase pass me by? For heaven’s sake there’s even a YouTube sewing video teaching women the tricks to avoiding this dreaded ‘peek-a-boob’ gap, and I’d suggest when a lady’s dressing of a morning or trying on a new blouse in a fashion shop fitting room, one thought will be on her mind….. ‘this blouse isn’t working you can still see my bra. ‘

Or for the more outspoken female readers amongst you….. ‘WTF! MY TITS ARE SHOWING!’ 

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The organisation I’m employed by has a new female employee, a lovely lady what’s more she suffers from a delightful busty girl problem, jeeze how much personal detail can I divulge without landing me in hot water, just imagine the hoo-hah this post could create if heaven forbid she actually read it!

Oh well not to worry ‘in for a penny in for a pound’ as they say…. 

I’ll be completely honest with you dear readers, the lady I’m about to describe just might not bare resemblance to our lady at work, many people to their cost upload info onto the internet, fail to forget those ghosts and lurkers reading your blog might well know you in person……..  oh yes! So with anonymity clearly in mind hopefully my co-worker wouldn’t couldn’t recognise herself, now there’s a satisfying conceit if she suspected.

So let’s begin, 9.00am prompt last Friday morning, seated around an expansive meeting room table picture an assortment of professional men and women ranging from age 23-65, quite a demographic spread with the majority a male orientation, incidentally there’s a fair few cross dressing ‘trans people’ floating around our department but that’s a whole different blog post……. without googling does trans mean they’ve had their testicles removed? Or would that be transvestite?… God knows I’m too old to care.

Keep on message Andrew. You need to appreciate these weekly conferences are sooo boring, attendance is compulsory and so we’re told ‘essential’ but the jury’s out and I’m still to be convinced. Just so as you know, this table I’d liken to Christ’s final supper with the important Holy One keeping this tiresome charade in track. Now for the sex interest, seated to our messiah’s left sits his trusting secretary and just so as you know I’m in turn seated at right angles to this age 50 lady…… picture the scene, common you can work it out!

I’m an extra within this tiresome pantomime, my place is listen not to speak and mentally take notes for the following weeks tasks, so there I sat reclining back in my cushioned chair, facing the Holy One but three metres away, then omg several minutes in my attention’s suddenly drawn to our secretary’s ample bosom, a fine looking woman let’s call Clementine shall we. The first fleeting thrill of a Friday morning is her entrance for she wears age appropriate short dresses in summer, pleated skirts and sheer black stockings in winter, and believe me the penis anticipates her choice of hemline, now here’s a thought how many others are dreaming of sexual relations with sweet Clementine? 

Absentmindedly listening to these lovely yet rather self important individuals is boring, but realising there’s a subplot, people vying for good favour can be entertaining and oh yes there’s plenty of bs! I invariably spend the entire meeting quietly people watching for if truth be told my presence is invisible to these intellectual superstars. Hopefully unaware, my eyes darted around the room often returning to gaze at Clementine’s bosom, a busty lady today wearing a buttercup yellow ‘button down blouse’ and floral skirt…… I’ve changed the colours but lol you guessed that anyway.

Studiously writing and scribbling down notes, a concentrated gaze never broken from her sheet paper minutes, time to time Clementine paused all the while listening intently to God’s weary sermon, she’d look up, then recline again to her prim up-right position, and omg it’s then I noticed as this lady’s blouse floated back and forth, a gaping hole appeared between the blouse buttons shrouding her bosom……. that caught my attention I can tell you!

Jeeze, I’d sell my soul for a squeeze and suck of her tits.

Now, I’m safe in the knowledge this lady’s most important weekly task is to take notes then later disseminate via email to present attendees, I’m safe then, she’s now dutifully employed and I’m captivated watching her large at a guess DD breasts, btw a fantasy induced wet dream of mine is to bend her over that table, pull her knickers down and thrust my penis from behind, but again that’s a whole other blog post.

Just so as you know I’m safe in the knowledge Clementine’s unfazed by my wicked attention, with breasted torso rocking back and forth, a small window would appear revealing yes her right breast, a pale pink blush in colour nestling within a padded half cup of white fabric, delicately cushioned, absent of frilly lace and a little grey having seen the inside of many a washing machine tub.

Yes Clementine this Friday morning suffered a wardrobe malfunction created by a combination of faulty blouse design and very large tits, massive boobs that today naturally separated resting to Clem’s sides and a half cup bra that was at a guess a touch tooo loosely fitting, ‘omg’ I thought to my self.. ‘ you’re showing an awful lot of skin’…. definitely not a Wonderbra.

My penis hardened regularly last Friday morning half gazing through Clementine’s button down boob gap, incidentally throughout my lifetime a vision I’ve clocked many occasions before, and I’m wondering now whether I’ll watch her erotic clothing performance ever again. For twenty minutes I half gazed at her right curvacious boob, half expecting a nipple areola to appear, I’m telling you now I was half expecting a rim of chocolate brown to pop out, my guess is yes, from my experience big breasted women with pendulous drooping breasts empty if milk after suckling several babies are expansive and brown, yep my educated knowledge tells me Clem’s areola wasn’t far off from revealing a nip slip….. oh well perhaps that joyous experience reveals itself another Friday morning. 

I guess my only concern is one of feminine intuition, she studiously takes notes gazing thoughtfully toward the table, but is Clementine aware of piercing eyes gazing through her blouse ‘button down boob gap’? Truly scrumptious, who’d have guessed this phenomenon has a name, I didn’t!

A. Shepherdson 2020

Dating a WordPress blogger

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‘Brief Encounter’ – please note this ISN’T a post about movies

Btw a true story……..

Without wishing to repeat myself, but I’m going to anyway, I did indeed date a lady blogger I first met on the internet, we’ll name Maria shall we? Yes I met her on the internet and Maria befits a lady of around age 50, well I’m not gonna call her Rhiannon am I?

Funny how people’s names follow generational trends.

I digress. Let’s be more specific shall we, Maria blogged on WordPress as did I, not this blog, no my first had to be hastily deleted because this irate woman tracked me down, I knew her and it’s a longgggg story!

I’m possibly unique amongst internet daters, probably unusual in that I’ve featured on various platform genres, a traditional designed and specifically catering for middle aged lonely hearts, another with let’s less loftier ideals, commitment free, morally questionable, not so much a dating app as a meeting for drinks and probably hopefully for sex…… btw we’re not talking Tinder!

Though I’d love to.

So how did our WordPress relationship begin? I first commented a post written by Maria several years ago, I’d never set eyes on her before and meeting her in the flesh for real was the last thought on my/our minds, but life has a funny way of taking you in directions you’d never envisaged.

My advice to youngsters, learn to be flexible, the life you hoped for at sixteen probably wont play out as you expected.

My blogging adventure first began purely for reading pleasure, captivated by a genre known as sex blogs, middle aged women writing of extramarital affairs, exciting tales of gang gangs and hot steamy sex, thrilling passionate romance and looking back who knows if their tales were true?……. Fabulous reads leaving only one question, how does a guy’s penis remain hard for hours upon end?

I’m gonna go off message again ‘for a mo’, because I have trouble staying ‘hard’ for any longer than ten minutes, a lady and I will strip naked, we’ll kiss and cuddle, excitement builds, breath quickens as engorged blood flows, we’ll lay upon the bed, I’ll slip inside and however hard I try to delay ejaculation…… five minutes later and I’m spent! One time I excited myself tooo such an extent massaging my partner’s naked back, oiled palms pressing into warm skin, smoothing strokes the length of her spine, her face turned to one side serene relaxed and content, then came my turn for some sexy fun, my lady lowered her mouth over my purple bellend, drew me across her tongue before seconds later creamy semen burst inside her mouth…… do I suffer from premature ejaculation or hyper excitement?

“Sophie… I’m sorry” I sheepishly apologised!

“It happens” she glumly replied, cum dripping from her pretty lips.

Where was I? Oh yes Maria the WordPress blogger! Soon after reading her postings, or perhaps I’d just started my own I cannot remember, as happens we kinda made a connection here on WordPress, over time we became blog pals, our comment chat became longer, evermore personal in nature for I am a friendly personable guy. I guess a trust blossomed over the coming months, singular replies became commentary threads, neither had alteria motives, neither expected or wished for any more than friendly evening conversation, but as you do, we shared thoughts honesty and experiences I certainly hadn’t admitted to other women and certainly not on the internet!….. and cutting a long story short, hilarity fun and truthfulness ensued.

Maria wasn’t so much a sex blogger she posted photos of her voluptuous large round breasts, nipples pieced with hoops of gold, ass cheeks, tasteful naked body shots but never showing her face… nope if I ever walked past Maria in the street, I wouldn’t have battered an eye and nor she. Her blog was far from slutty though, a warm caring personality flowed from her text, I was smitten by this happy go lucky rather sweet natured middle aged lady, if a little overweight but then again I’m no hunk!

Well several enjoyable flirty months passed, I posted photos of myself lying naked on my bed (never done that before or since) and God knows nudity was my last intention when I first started….. though ours was all good clean adult fun. Three or four months passed happily then we exchanged email addresses and moved to private correspondence, btw never again, take it from me email romantic relationships (I’ve had four) can only go so far before they become……

Well the day came when we first exchanged photos, finally positioning a face alongside months of reading text anecdotes and stories, and I for one was pleasantly surprised, I’m gonna say little else than Maria possessed a cheery smile sparkly eyes and a pretty face befitting a woman her age…… oh and laying on a bed, legs slightly parted revealing a hint of her pussy! Shaven it was! 

Like I said we were blog pals.

We’ll leave Maria’s appearance there shall we, ‘walls have ears’, I trusted her photos implicitly, I had no doubt whatsoever Maria was sharing genuine recent photos of herself and I cannot stress that enough. I trusted her photos her honesty, and I had no doubt whatsoever if we met in person we’d instantly recognise the other.

No question.

Speaking from ‘not so bitter’ experience, photos are the dating deal breaker, when chatting with a woman online only one question nags at the imagination, a little voice reaffirming my mistrust of liars, wary the person I am chatting to isn’t the person in the photograph, but as transpired Maria was the lady in her photo.

…….. to be continued.

(I’ll leave you with one taster, yes we met in person and now to the $64,000 question, ‘did we enjoy our date?’ Yes.)

A. Shepherdson 2020