Yay I now have toilet roll!

smart

Yes I now have toilet roll, and WHAT’S more I’ve managed to buy a multipack of NINE soft tissue rolls!!! How lucky am I? And jeeze isn’t it a sad state of affairs when the sight of shelves stacked with loo rolls makes you happy, I was that excited I nearly wet myself. 

Well not quite, but truthfully I couldn’t stop myself smiling all the way to the cashier’s conveyer belt, a pretty young lady (I always choose them) positioned behind her newly erected protective glass, not to be laughed at because I personally know of 6 COVID-19 deaths in my Town…….. AND they’re all over age75, hmm that statistic betrays a sad truth!

ToiletRollgate! As you can imagine many theories exist on the internet as to why planet earth went short of toilet rolls, I’d describe the many myths and theories written by experts (no shortage of them on the WWW) as not so much conspiracies, but the most perplexing phenonium of the 21st Century, every woman man and their dog has an opinion so for what it’s worth here’s mine.

Everyone is in agreement panic buying customers stripped supermarket shelves, to such a point the species were on the brink of extinction, and everyone appears to agree the panic buying started in Australia. Back in mid March their Health Department Tweeted people should stock up on loo rolls BECAUSE (and this is important), BECAUSE as well as wiping your ass (apologies) toilet tissue can ALSO be used to blow your nose, a genuine health message there! Corona virus is airborne spread by infected people sneezing, I get that, it makes sense. Then of course Aussies in their droves went out and purchased loo roll, TV companies picked up on the story and a global domino affect ensued, ‘that good ole’ herding mentality for you (heard that phrase a lot) prompting us irrational stupid humans into a frenzied buying and hoarding orgy.

‘Hmm, is hoarding a mechanism for gaining back control in a crisis?’ 

However panicking as a reason for shortage seems tooo simplistic, after all that’s what supply chains and warehouses are designed for. Then just last week I watched a boxing video on YouTube, an interesting interview with the world’s top Promotor discussing the Sport’s future post pandemic, when for a reason that escapes me? Eddie Hearn suggested the most plausible explanation yet!

Thus.

Apparently in the world of selling toilet rolls, the global production/delivery/selling industry is divided into two ‘businesses’, two totally separate independent supply chains, one involving supplying schools factories hospitals libraries fire stations etc……. you get the idea! The second supplying supermarket shelves only and nothing else, two supply chains ‘that never the twain shall meet’ so to speak.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Yes?

No?

Common concentrate.

Well Eddie’s theory goes, after the panic buying subsided people’s homes were fully stocked, quickly followed by Governments locking millions of people within their homes (I’m saying no more), the consequence people stopped using toilets in their workplaces offices restaurants, instead they began working from home thus creating a domestic loo roll shortage, you get the idea, workplaces overflowed with tissue rolls but uhmm no one was wiping their ass! 

Seems a plausible theory to me, what do you think? Lol do you care?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

19 thoughts on “Yay I now have toilet roll!

  1. Sounds plausible to me. I’m essential personnel so I know for a fact that each bathroom on 4 floors where I work are fully stocked, with no bums to wipe. Also noted the rolls are super large, which are inconvenient for home use and hard to sneak out of the unused office.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Funniest (scariest too) I read today… 😂

    I actually don’t care about 🧻 wiping my ass… cuz, well, food comes first. So I don’t have any stash of toilet paper (btw we don’t have problem with that in our stores, yet).

    Idk, I simply can’t get worldwide issues with paper 🧻 but considering the scale – seems the humanity is in trouble 😂😂

    Liked by 1 person

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