English language rules, break them!!

No NO don’t leave me yet!! This post isn’t as dull as you’re possibly thinking 🙂 .

ppppppppppppppA recent blog Titled ‘English language rules and why they can/should/must be broken (sometimes)‘ captured my imagination.

The correct use of English language, where and when to apply correct grammar rules, increasingly fascinates because I’ve been ‘writing’ on WordPress for over a year now and who wouldn’t be! Though I’ll add one important caveat, the question ‘do I consider myself to be a ‘writer?’ Definitely sharpens the mind, :/ hmm jury’s still out on that one, however Holly once described me a ‘conversational writer’ which I quite like 🙂 .

Now putting to one side a fun pet tale, she elaborates on her current choice of reading Titled Dryer’s English ‘An utterly correct guide to clarity and style by Benjamin Dreyer.’ which is quite possibly my next Amazon.co.uk purchase, and quoting from her own words,

‘This man is my new-found hero. Basically he suggests we can, and should, break all the English grammar rules we have learned in school. Unless we can’t or shouldn’t.

Lol.

His writing style is so conversational, you’ll absolutely forget immediately that technically you’re reading a guide to English grammar, and he’s so funny. I was instantly captivated.’

NOW for me this is where our tale gets really interesting, apparently Benjamin Dreyer talks briefly about a challenge he recommends all writers take part in. For one whole week he suggests readers eliminate the following words from everything they write, omg talk about laying down a gauntlet!

(Queue an accompanying drum roll)

  • Rather
  • Really
  • Quite
  • In fact
  • Just
  • So
  • Pretty (not to describe something or someone, but to say ‘pretty tedious’)
  • Of course
  • Surely
  • That said
  • Actually

On the last one he recommends, “feel free to go the rest of your life without another actually”.

And you’ll guess exactly what I’m going to say next!

Well I read that list and thought to myself ‘Holy crap I’m a Serial offender, I regularly and repeatedly use every single word from that list and quite possibly almost certainly within all 195 posts on this my WordPress!’

I’m not joking for effect either and whilst I’m here I’ll add ‘Anyways’ to Benjie’s list, ‘anyways’ is my goto word for realigning returning a meandering train of thoughts ‘back on track’, without fail if my thread of consciousness has veered off topic the following paragraph will always begin with Anyways, perhaps you’ve noticed?

Anyways where was I? Oh yes my fascination with grammar rules, now I’ll share with you my one and only self editing rules, that before publishing this post I’ll check (then double check) I haven’t used the words ‘it’ and ‘it’s’ though I will use ‘its’. “Why so Andrew?” Well in my humble opinion the word it’ is an irritatingly non descript meaningless word, not tooo dissimilar to teenage girls and their addiction to the word ‘like’. Incidentally I have this theory that because girls converse far quicker than their brain’s are processing, the word ‘like’ is scattered here there and everywhere’ so allowing thought processes to catch up!……………. 🙂 In my opinion ‘like’ is a meaningless conversational fill-in word however absolutely adorable ❤ to listen to when you overhear teenage girls chatting.

And finally,

Here’s a ‘fabulous’ anecdote I happened across recently and apparently a TRUE story, anyways it (lol) made me laugh 😀 revealing how intelligent thinking stops an ignorant stupid person in his/her tracks.

Picture this. The phrase ‘NIGGER’S OUT’ is written in spray paint across a large expanse of virgin wall. 

Only later a sharp thinking passer-by adds their own brilliant observation: ‘NIGGER’S OUT (but he’ll return after his dinner)’.

Don’t you think that’s priceless insightful and an awesome reply?

(My apologies to Victoria for ‘woosing out’ on Chapter 14, and I know I owe Darnell a post sharing the reasons I don’t use writing Apps such as Grammarly………….. lol no one can say I don’t try to interact here, that’s half the fun don’t you think?)

A. Shepherdson 2019

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Can I sit on your face? (NSFW)

Now I’d guess above is possibly the most unusual blog Title you’ve come across today, but here’s a thing I’ve got an interesting anecdote for you, remember Gemma with the wet kitty? Well this tale features Chantelle another adorable sexy lady I’ve bumped into on my journey through life 😉 .

Jeeze a producer could take these two stories, weave into a narrative joining the sexy scenes together, choose from two age40+ actresses to play the female roles cause they’re always moaning about the lack of work for older women, then make a film about a guy’s oral bedroom escapades!…………….. ok perhaps not 😀 .

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😮 I’m not joking when I say I could hardly breath!

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WOW you’ve a cute Ass! (NSFW)

Erotic flash fiction (original & by meee!)  

Never assume that guy standing behind you in ‘The Deli’ queue is deciding which soft cheeses to buy!

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Standing behind you in our shared bus queue, so close I could reach out my arms encircle your waist and draw you close into me, that hard bump below, my aroused groin pressing deep against your shapely pert bottom nestling between two barely visible peach shaped ass cheeks…………… but alas I can’t, I shan’t, I won’t nor ever would………. I value my reputation, cherish my liberty tooo dearly to put my fingers inside a sugary delicious sweetie jar. 

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Creative Writing, you mean there are rules?

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I haven’t a writing Topic planned for this week, there’s family issues with my father having been admitted to hospital, however I will be exploring a theme inspired by watching one of those ‘Grammarly’ videos which precede EVERY YouTube video I seem to watch!! I’m wondering whether clever Google are aware I have a WordPress? Hmm plausible and are they tailoring my ad-stream towards writing sites? …………… Makes me wonder!

So the question I’m pondering this evening is if writer’s of Fiction use one of these gramma correction apps/websites? I don’t, never have and never will apart from spellcheck!

Now what I’m about to admit to you isn’t false modesty, I often ask myself ‘do I have a have creative writing ability?’ Because I’m aware I break many golden rules……… trouble is I wasn’t aware of them in the first place?

“To my great dismay, the English Language has no enforceable laws, much less someone to enforce the laws it doesn’t have.”

(‘An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style’ by Benjamin Dreyer.)

I very much doubt Benjamin Dreyer would object to me quoting him without permission, seeing as I’ve taken the time to read excerpts from his highly readable thought provoking book! However here’s a thing, Benjamin also went onto share what he suggests is a golden rule, yet in my untrained opinion this passage is a terrible read:

‘Certain prose rules are essentially inarguable—that a sentence’s subject and its verb should agree in number, for instance. Or that in a “not only x but y” construction, the x and the y must be parallel elements.’

Uhh? What?

Speaking as someone who, right here and now, couldn’t accurately explain what a verb is I’m coming around to the realisation I almost certainly break golden rules, and again according to Benjamin (my third and final reference) he suggests the four C’s, Convention. Consensus. Clarity. Comprehension help us use words to their optimum purpose, thus enabling us to communicate exactly what we are trying to say to our reader!

Incidentally what works for me is I download the conversation going on inside my brain at the time onto a laptop.

I think it’s at this point I forget completely Mr. Benjamin Dreyer and his English Language rules………….. I’ll only confuse myself.

Have you ever watched a chat show host interview a great stand up comedian and ask him or her,

“Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why your jokes make people laugh?”

A bloody stupid question I’ve heard asked many times, and it’ll come as no surprise the answer is always “NO”. And what a dumb question because stand up comedy, holding an audience in the palm of your hand, is an artform as comparable to any great wordsmith.

As an aside the nicest compliment anyone has paid to me is, ‘you made me laugh’………….. on WordPress that is not in bed!!

Analyse and distil the essence of what makes he or she funny and the comic will probably lose the gift of humour. Similarly should a writer be tooo over introspective trying to workout the reasons why people enjoy reading their prose? You know distil out the secret, formulate a potion so making them the next JK Rowling? Sell millions of books, become a millionaire, leave Brexit fiasco Britain and go live with D. Trump.

Now to the thorny question of my own creative writing ability, err my erotica sexy stories, let’s just say I enjoy writing them and let’s not ask tooo many questions shall we, 😀 incidentally I have 3 more tales in draft. 🙂

Finally a question for you please, if you are a writer of novels, or have novels electronically accessible on Kindle, do you apply specific grammatical rules throughout you story? How an earth does a writer manage to blend phrasing rules seamlessly into text without spoiling/confusing a plot? 

Until next time,

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (650 words, that’s 😀 short for me)

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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Fictional or non fictional this is a favourite story.

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Ray’s ‘ONE’ writing challenge

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Been a while since I’ve taken part in any writing challenge, some bloggers refer to these as Awards (never understood that one?) But I prefer the idea challenges are answering cool questions with honest personal answers, they’re possibly more fun writing than reading but fun all the same, like I said Victoria’s dreamt up an interesting 11 Q’s. 

1. One person who inspired you? Honestly I really struggled with this one, my brother? No perhaps more truthfully my mother, she’s the bedrock of our family where no problem is insurmountable, and within minutes of speaking with a total stranger I’m in awe of her ability to appear that they’d been good friends for years, I was incredulous watching her at 12 as I am now at 50.
 
2. One moment that changed the course of your life? Age 16 opening the letter from an engineering firm offering me a four year toolmaking apprenticeship, truly the happiest four years of my life AND I was paid a wage to learn skills I still enjoy using today, not forgetting those friendships with thirty other young men my age, their laughter, humour, comradery and bullshit tales……. happy days.
 
3. One thing that you would change about yourself, your life, the world 

About myself? Better able to chat up women, truly I’m ok once in bed with them.

About my life? I’d do anything not to be living in a Country engulphed by a chaotic political madness known as BREXIT……….. the fallout will define the way I live until the day I die, thanks a bunch David Cameron you asshole!

The World? The honest answer is I’m weary and perhaps I’ve given up a little (Brexit is that bad), I’ve had enough of the constant bombardment of bad news, no horrific tragic news stories and wish the World never let them happen…………. A close relative many years ago committed suicide, still affects me now and perhaps will the more I get older?

4. One hero/heroine from past/or present? Easy, Elizabeth I, for some reason her reign captures my imagination more than any other person, I visited ‘The Tower’ last year, I remember climbing the spiral stone steps within on of the confined claustrophobic towers thinking to myself, ‘I am walking in the exact same steps as Elizabeth’, sounds pretentious? No completely true.
 
5. One cultural recommendation (film, book, song, painting)?

Film? As of now, Roman Polanski’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles, one afternoon our O level English literature class went to watch a screening at the cinema, a gorgeous beautiful film that blew me away and also regrettably the ONLY thing I can remember from two years of studying English Literature! I’m a late bloomer.

Book? Easy! ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, without fail I read this ‘Ghostly Tale’ no earlier than two day’s before Christmas day, AND without fail I begin reading feeling like ‘oh no not again, do I have to? I know this story err like the back of my hand!’ HOWEVER by the finish of page 1, a gem of a beginning where Dickens has without question convinced the reader Marley is dead as a doornail that I am well and truly hooked (if you don’t believe he’s dead then the tale is un-believable). ‘A Christmas Carol’ is that good hence the many screen adaptations, yes reluctantly even the Muppet one. However the book is darker and more sinister than many might assume, the scene where Spirit three reveals to Scrooge HE is the dead man lying beneath the headstone is truly spine chilling……. Scrooge hadn’t suspected it was he after listening in to so many huddled conversations of people he’d known. So why read at Christmas? The ghostly tale is set at Christmas time therefore my own (now waning) excitement enriches the experience, but above all else throughout his book Dickens poses uncomfortable truths about my own failings prejudices, I haven’t given enough to charity that past year, I could have been more generous of spirit, ‘aren’t there tooo many children born into the world?’ ‘I pay my taxes so are there not enough workhouses to house the poor?’…………. a brilliant little book.

Btw I enjoy the concept of reading Hardy, but alas his novels get the better of me apart from his book of short stories………. hmm I think I have a short attention spans but I’m improving.

Song? Honestly Changes by the minute or the hour, I enjoy listening to BBC Radio 2 and I’m more than happy with their selections………. ‘The Sweetest Thing’ by U2 perhaps.

Painting? A day spent wandering around Tate Britain looking at paintings is my idea of a great ‘arty’ day, I know not a jot about art but I get satisfaction from looking at a painting that emotionally touches my heart and soul…………. pretentious? No we all enjoy art that speaks to us.

6. One challenge the world is facing? According to David Attenborough human extinction! This natural history guru expert and genius just days ago said mankind is facing extinction and I fear he may be correct.

7. One great thing that we have achieved? Sending a man to the moon, have him walk about its surface then returning him home safely again, I look at the moon through my telescope with awe and wonder because visiting seems so conceptually fantastical, in fact I near cannot believe it happened but I know America did, well done America.

8. One regret? I miss all four of my Grandparents still to this day, my mother married very young so I was blessed to be around them well into my thirties (we all live to a minimum of age83 in our family), perhaps mum’s father most of all, he took me to games of cricket as a child then years later I accompanied him as an old gentleman…………… wonderful happy days.

9. One nugget of advice for humanity? For Christ’s sake learn how to Govern yourselves with intelligence humanity and humility, devoid of greed avarice and selfishness, happily pay yourselves exactly the same wages, provide free healthcare and education for everyone……. ffs the list goes on and on!
 
10. One alternative career path you might have chosen? If I hadn’t been fortunate with gaining a toolmaking apprenticeship I’d like to have trained as an electrician, then again several years ago I happened across a genuine adult film company website, they were advertising lol for amateur male Pornstars………… no seriously, ordinary men were invited to apply sending a photo, you’d assemble at a hotel, the ONLY professionals were female porn models and well you get the idea!!!………. Ok I never ever seriously contemplated applying geez what if my mother had found out, also it’s disgustingy sordid and seedy but the temptation was definitely there, should I/would I is quite a moral dilemma? Lol ok I wasn’t tempted and then there’s the questions could I remain hard for 2hours and is six inches enough?

11. One thing that you could do better, but you don’t? Live a little.

Enjoyed answering.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

‘Gemma’s wet kitty’ (NSFW)

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Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!

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Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’

Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?

I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,

“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”

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And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.

So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!! 

But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,

“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”  

“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.

And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!

‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’

However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.

Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.

I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.

And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,

“Oh yes……(insert 3 seconds)……. oh yes…………….. oh yes……….….. oh yes………….”

Pausing as a pink wet tongue appears through parted lips, only to be circled and licked back into her mouth before she returns to her metronomic soft encouragement,

“…..oh yes……..…….. oh yes……..….. oh yes…………….. don’t stop………….. oh yes……..…”

And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?

Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’ 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 

A cure for Writer’s Block?

………..……………… write when aroused 😉 A response Post for Ray’s advice for curing writer’s block and note for fun….. :/ then again. (Btw my next post is rather a serious one)

A blogging tip for you, I’ve discovered after three months ‘writing’, and note ALL my own original work, I have discovered I write my 😉 ‘adult posts’ when I’m feeling a little frisky that’s sexually excited to you!

And I’m wondering if my stimulated mind is because my brain is experiencing a natural chemical induced high………….. and note the word natural, I’ve never taken drugs and neither should you, two teenagers died the other week having taken contaminated shit at a music festival………….. what a waste……. so tragic! 😦

But I’m at a loss as to the reasons why a slight hardness and a gentle twitch down below helps my writing process hmm all very strange? Yep for fear of labouring a point when I’m in the mood to create on WordPress, and I’m a touch sexually excited the sillier more explicit posts appear in my imagination, I just write and the mild adult themes pour out of me as if I’m day dreaming, take my post ‘open apology to women’ as an example…………………. all very odd! Ok hold on before you get tooo excited I should add I’m not hard for hours, jeeze NO!  

Perhaps those wonderful pleasure giving chemicals serotonin and dopamine secreted into our brains during sex makes writing easier, do you know what I think lovemaking chemical compounds make writing more enjoyable and sexually themed! Likewise adrenalin sharpens the senses and concentrates the imagination, quickens the heart when you’re about to orgasm perhaps I’m on to something here? And no I’m not writing this bs for the purposes of a humorous post! (Ok I’ll agree I’m writing bs LOL) …… anyways I thought I’d share this writing tip with all you lovely bloggers out there.

(Puts his laptop into hibernation for half an hour whilst he takes a lovely skin tingling shower, warm water flowing down his slim lightly toned figure.)

I’ve been thinking about this post in the shower and note the only place to idly dream up really good blog ideas, and yes I definitely find writing easier when ever-so slightly sexually stimulated or perhaps we’re more creative when we feel particularly happy, no let me rephrase creative in a certain way because many great works of fiction begin in dark recesses of an author’s imagination. I know my posts are absolutely dire when I’m depressed……….. and btw do you find the biggest frustration is being halted in free flow by a sentence which can be written 3 totally different ways, each as good as the other, yet for the life of you, you cannot choose which to use!

Hmm why not give writing a try when you’re sexually ‘turned on’ 😉 , the results could be hilarious awful or gloriously sensual but remember WordPress have mature content rules 🙂 .

A. Shepherdson 2018

The Stalking challenge (for blogger Ray)

This WordPress ‘Blogging Thoughts Photos & Life’ has been tagged awarded challenged several times by lovely bloggers, I always accept the challenge but don’t quite play by the game’s rules (lol just call me awkward 😀 ) then again I doubt anyone minds..………… HOWEVER the challenge always gives me a themed idea for a Post………… (btw note this one’s mild age appropriate adult).

Oh and stalking is a hot story in the UK at present several female TV personalities have Court injunctions placed on creepy men who have been following annoying harassing them, though they can do very little apart from hope these pests quit their nastiness bullying and psychological torture.

Ray challenged me a stalking tale so here goes, was I wrong to follow the lady wearing a short mini dress into the Department Store? I know you said 13 sentences but I’m afraid I write as I think hence 1600 words never mind thanks ❤ for the Challenge! 🙂

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Yes I hoped but what did I see? 😀

Let me explain, one summer’s day a good while ago and being as I was at a loose end, I’d decided to travel into ‘blank’ by bus for no other reason than I needed to buy clothes and I’d been putting it off because I hate clothes shopping! So having boarded and now seated comfortably I glanced around the top deck wondering who I’d be travelling with today, and who do I see but a lovely a young woman across the aisle wearing a horizontally striped white and powder blue dress. Such a beautiful picture this slim demure creature perched on the end of her seat, blonde hair pulled back into a cute girly pony tale and she had a pretty face in side-on profile. (Note age appropriate!)

But hold on her gorgeousness didn’t end there and I can tell you this made my growing hardness tingle and twitch warm waves of pleasure spreading around my groin, oh yes I could see the hem of her dress rested well up her thigh, well being more truthful not that far below her knicker gusset though sat a seat behind I’d 😦 never see, yum quite the vision of femininity and sexiness though, good luck to her you’re only ever young once so flaunt it babe!

The only problem is bus travel is SO frigging boring consequently my mind wanders and imagination overpowers all (well nearly) thoughts of appropriate behaviour, idle day dreaming when excited can lead you places you shouldn’t go?

Well I mused she’s on her own and single, obviously travelling into Oxford to look at fashions buy clothes and a day of retail therapy………… and how do I know this? I don’t but by the way she kept opening a well known Department Store carrier bag and removing garments, carefully unfolding and examining, then even MORE carefully folding away again I could see they were still tagged brand new!

And me being the intelligent guy and people watcher that I am, her concentration and thoughtful expression told me these garments were returning to the Store! Hmm I’d guess to be refunded, well it lol happens and why else take tagged clothes INTO a store? Ladies do it all the time, buy a bra take it home try on and omg that bright purple is visible through your favourite virgin white cotton blouse……. and you think ‘damn it’s going back!’

I watched the young lady go through this careful ritual several times, she was neither sure or happy as women often aren’t when choosing clothes, and of course I’m furtively gazing at her milky white thigh and exquisite leg line, lovely long legs gave away she was a tall lady which is important to my tale THEN watching her indecisive mind in action a vision flashed across my visual imagination like a white hot bolt of lightening! ‘Omg’ I thought to myself, ‘when you enter that Store miss, the near auditorium vast space welcomes you with three long escalators……. one coming down two rising upwards deep into this vast retail cathedral!

Have you guessed this tale has potential stalker written all over? 

I squirmed and wriggled in my seat becoming increasingly excited, warm blood began to turn my cheeks red, adrenalin increasing my heart rate the faster pumping blood engorging my dick my hardness uncomfortably and beginning to throb! The bus now turning into George Street I thought ‘Holy s#it, the second stop is a minute from the Store I bet this young lady will alight here and make straight for the escalators!’

Fast pumping torrents of blood now beginning to make my head hurt and heart race, I thought ‘this tall gazelle like creature will travel the escalator’, …… further she’s wearing a micro dress and I’LL finally discover the answer to a thought that’s consumed my mind ever since first seeing her milky white skinned thighs, ‘Follow her, then you’ll see what colour panties she’s wearing!’

‘Hold on’ I thought to myself, ‘there’s CCTV, she may look around, there’d be a scene, I’d be arrested!’ But sometimes in life you have to take a risk, opportunities like this don’t come along twice, and rather than pausing to take breath and noting following women is illegal, before you know it a sexual desire overpowers sound moral judgement and you’re err being inappropriate!

The bus jolts to a halt waking me from a whether to or not to conundrum, the gorgeous young lady rises from her seat as I instinctively near jump from mine, speedily so as to stop any other postential stalkers from stepping between me and my prey…….. well hold on prey’s the wrong word lol I’m only following her for frigging sake! What happens as consequence is mere coincidence 😀 .

She steps off the bus and turns right, I quickly follow but three paces behind watching her blonde pony tale swing and bounce with every stride her long legs could muster, her soft cotton dress flutter in the breeze a young woman on a mission she was, no doubt one retail thought on her mind oblivious to the stalker closely behind.

Thirty seconds later she turns left, electric doors opening a vacuum near sucking us in from the Street, four paces later she steps onto the travelling stairway, then four steps again I follow her tall slim body rising upward from my eyeline, my gaze being drawn down her body as first her blonde pony was lost from view, soon followed by her exquisite narrow neckline with the word Rebecca tattooed across in bold thin blue text!

(Hmm very strange, either she’s a lesbian or stupid enough she can’t remember her name?)

My heart now pumping so fast I feared my head would explode the additional blood engorging my hardness to such a size as I’d seldom felt before, with my eyeline now rested on her pert bottom having passed the profile of bra straps and tiny waist, and because our slow moving stairway to heaven was set at such a steep incline her micro dress hem came into full view (briefly because virtually none existed) with my eyes now following an exquisite sexy leg line of fit shapely thighs and tone calves until I to was standing as still as you possibly can with someone on a travelling escalator and could see no lower.

Nervously my gaze began to follow her leg line upward this time, noticing her feet standing 10″ apart a carrier bag with clothes resting one her left thigh just within the periphery of my vision, my eyes final reach her stripy dress and with one final upwards glance the answer to the one thought obsessing my imagination ALL morning came into view!

Holy f#ck blonde leggy pretty ponytail wasn’t wearing underwear!

That was a shock and a half I can tell you, I’d been consumed with questions of what colour panties? Would they be French knickers, briefs, thong or yuck ‘shorties’ or even boyfriends boxer shorts now there’s a worry! But no doubt looking gobsmacked and stunned what do I see between slightly parted milky white thighs but the heavenly vision of the entry to a female’s reproductive system, her vulva and intimacy a shade of delicate shocking pink set against the visible white skin we stalkers and public only ever see.

With time running out, my eyes savoured every last contour of her vagina bridge the windows to my soul could save to memory, two plump folds of outer labia concealing a cave of gold jewels and pleasures within, and no I didn’t notice any beads of moisture secreted through her slit, no she wasn’t wet which must be a worry when you ladies leave home absent of underwear! What do you do if you get excited and ‘moisten’ when a shirtless stunning builder captures your view? Hmm now there’s a thought Ray!

But oh no, her thighs became darker as my eyes refocused to a contrast caused by blinding white light emanating from the Cosmetic’s floor level and now all tooo quickly coming into view. With one final gaze at this pretty lady’s most secret body part, me leaning slightly forward, taking an even larger risk and momentarily bending my knees permitted me to see the beginning to two pert round firm buttocks and an ass crack disappearing beneath stripy soft cotton fabric.

Then with one final final concentrated gaze recording this erotic heavenly image to my visible memory for all eternity, with one final gaze this age 18+ young lady stepped from the escalator no doubt making for ‘refunds and exchanges’, and yes seemingly oblivious to this opportunist stalker behind………… never knowing one other person know she’s daring enough to go without.

Feeling rather weak at the knees I to stepped from that slowly moving stairway though very quickly walking in a totally different direction, in truth heading for an exit which would take me away from this Store as quickly as possible! …………. But omg I grinned to myself, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined she’d be wearing no panties AND better still her pussy was either shaved or waxed of all hair………… lol well who’d have guessed.

A. Shepherdson 2018

(Now accept this tale anyway you wish, parts could be true, hell the whole story could be true as written, OR my sexy escapade could be dreamt from an over active imagination…………. lol you decide for I’m afraid you’ll never ever know!)