I’m in LOVE with women’s breasts, but why?

#Just For Fun

Research the internet asking the reasons why men are so obsessed with a lady’s boobs (I have been and I am lol) one fact’s for sure, Scientists have never satisfactorily explained men’s curious breast fixation, for all the cultural emotional and ‘weird’ theories, no one can really explain why I am so obsessed by this certain part of a female’s physique.

Jeeze where to begin with YET another lady’s breast themed posting, there’s been SO many over this past two years, many true tales of happy times spent fondling adorable women’s breasts, shared anecdotes after having been busted, caught unawares gazing fixated by plunging cleavage, captivated by small boobs or fulsome milky bags of fat drooping from a woman’s chest…………. but why on earth why? This requires further introspection!

Disclaimer, I blog for fun! Bosom postings amuse and entertain my boy-child sensibilities but yes I agree this isn’t for everyone 🙂

So where to begin?

To be honest I’ve given up on my Holy Grail quest to seek out the definitive reason why (because none exists) though I am seriously perplexed, so where better place to start than research 3 fun facts lifted from the internet……. I’m trusting they’re not fake.

A Canadian biologist called ‘Bruce Bagemihl’ noted several primate species, including humanity’s close relative the ‘bonobo’, have been observed stimulating their own nipples while masturbating. (Err hold on, I’m not interested why women gain pleasure playing with their tits.)

Fun fact 2

A study was done on 66 Englishmen who were hungry also 58 who had just eaten, and surprise surprise, the hungry men preferred bigger boobs compared to the ones who had just eaten (that goes someway to explaining the comfort and nurture theory.)

Fun fact 3

And to this one I can 100% attest, “Boys don’t learn in the playground that breasts are something that they should be interested in. It’s biological and deeply engrained in our brain,” write’s an expert lol in his book.

He goes onto say, “In fact, research indicates that when we’re confronted with breasts, or even breast-related stimuli, like bras, we’ll start making bad decisions” so yes I agree, we men are biologically drawn to breasts and I guess due to sexual imagery in TV advertising as a young child, I was trained in my informative years to find them erotic, learned to view boobs as sexually attractive whether that be long and pendulous, or pointy perky hemispherical tits………….. I’ve fondled a fair few pairs in my life time and to be completely honest, large or small the size of her breasts (as long as they’re real!) Doesn’t actually matter, though if pushed for preference I do love squidgy slightly saggy and pendulous.

Confused? I am, though I’m leaning towards nature nurture and biological to explain away my WordPress’s boob obsession, cue another piece of expert analysis lifted from the to be trusted ‘HuffPost’:

Two researchers (you really don’t require their names do you!) Believed that the male attraction to a pair of boobs goes beyond being: 

‘a good, full cleavage indicates to a man that a woman is in good health and an excellent choice to bear and raise his children’, a boy’s love of boobs develops in childhood, when a mother breastfeeds her child, the infant becomes the most important thing in the world, and during breastfeeding a bonding chemical Oxytocin is also released into the mother’s milk and consumed by the baby. A biological bonding takes place, makes nursing a feel-good experience for mother and child and it forges a very important bond between the two.’

“This bond is not only the most beautiful of all social bonds, it can also be the most enduring, lasting a lifetime,” wrote the authors.

“Essentially then, when a man sees, touches or massages a woman’s breasts, it sparks the same series of brain events as nursing – the feel good chemical is released in the man’s brain and he is drawn to the breasts because subconsciously he remembers the feel-good experience of nursing as a child. Any interaction between a man and a pair of boobs then helps to bond a man to his female other half.”

One glaring problem with this theory is, my mother didn’t breastfeed me!…….. I don’t know this for 100% sure having never asked my mother! But I’m reliably reminded she used the formula ‘Cow and Gate’ brand. So yes I wasn’t breastfed though I’m utterly convinced my captivation can be attributed to nature and biology programming me that way, and I’d suggest watching many hours of TV as a child trained me to appreciate breasts sexually.

Now I’ll share with you my earliest recollection of seeing a pair of REAL boobs for the first time! That’s such an easy one to answer, and it wouldn’t have been from the television because when I was a child Britain had only 3 terrestrial TV channels and one of those would have been dedicated to the arts! Not forgetting back in the day we had a very strict ‘watershed’ with anything vaguely adult only being broadcast after bedtime, if ever!

Close my eyes and I see a young lady jogging toward my 8 year old self as if viewing a home movie from my childhood, there I am sat just inside the opening of a campsite tent whilst holidaying as a cubscout, and this’ll be the only image of a fun weekend spent with 30 other young boys I’ll remember. Although I do recollect she was one of our Leader’s wives, alas her face is lost in the midst’s of time but I do remember her as youthful and pretty and I certainly cannot remember if she saw me crouched watching.

So yes picture my childhood vision running through a grassy field toward me, wind blowing her auburn hair and wearing a blue cotton blouse with only the top buttons holding both flaps closed, when for one fleeting second a combination of her half stumbling through rough ground, perhaps a girlish jump in the air caught with a strong breeze in her face, the wind capturing her untethered flaps of fabric blowing them upwards and open, to reveal yes a flash of two underboobs, no nipples mind, just the pink profile of her two lower fulsome breasts for she wore no bra! Who knows why? Perhaps she was jogging towards the showers having left the delicate in her tent!

So there you, over 40 years later close my eyes and I see my scout mistresses’ boobs and that’s my earliest childhood recollection. Fabulous! Who needs the internet to corrupt young minds?

Lol returning to why we men love breasts ❤ .

Ever heard of the website turnaroundyourlifenow.com? I hadn’t either but of the many top 10 reasons why men love boobs, I’m going to share their list below or perhaps go read the original at https://turnaroundyourlifenow.com/top-10-reasons-why-men-are-attracted-to-breasts/

Here are 10 probable reasons why, as a woman, you might catch me looking at your chest rather than your face.

1. Breasts Are Great to Look At

Men love looking at the breasts for the very reason that they are great to look at. Whether they are small or big, breasts are one of the first things a man sees in a woman.

Though it is offensive, but men can’t resist taking a peek!

(Hmm offensive? That’s as maybe, but of the many times I’ve been caught peeking or gazing in the street I’ve only ever been smiled at, never received a harsh word.)

2. Breasts Add Grace and Poise

Breasts are one of the few body parts which are curvaceous. Men don’t have any curves on their bodies, which makes being hard and straight a sign of masculinity.

On the other hand, curviness is a symbol for womanhood which adds grace and poise to the way a woman carries herself.

3. Breasts Represent Fertility

Since a long time back, it has been believed that men are attracted to women who are healthy and are able to reproduce.

Breasts are a sign of fertility as they portray the notion that the woman would be able to bear children as well as nourish them.

4. Breasts Offer Visual Stimulation

One of the main differences between men and women is that men are stimulated visually. They get ‘turned on’ just by looking at a woman’s body. Firm and perky breasts catch the attention of every man wherever a woman goes and stimulates him visually.

(Hmm now I’m reminded of an anecdote a colleague retold me at work one day, when he first met his wife to be in a pub she said to him….. “would you please stop staring at my tits!” Lol I’ve nothing to add 😀 .)

5. Breasts Are the Key to Second Base

Most men don’t know about this but those who do use it to their advantage. The breasts are the key to second base as they are located close to the libido.

Fondling and playing with them leads to sexual arousal. (This is one of the major reasons why men love breasts!)

6. Breasts Lead to Great Foreplay

Breasts are a crucial part of foreplay. In fact, foreplay is incomplete without a little fondling, sucking or kissing on the breasts.

Apart from the breasts, there is little else a man could play with before the actual act.

7. Breasts Are Nice to Touch

They are soft and supple, tempting men to grab them.

Men love how the breasts feel in their hands. While some of them can get wild and start twitching the nipples, most men are gentle with breasts, holding them with love and care.

(Never a truer word was written, the moment a lady removes her bra and allows me to fondle, my touch is as delicate as handling a piece of fine China!………. Err except later when she’s riding me cowgirl and I’m squeezing so hard I can feel pointy hard nipples pressing into my palms.)

8. Breasts Are Mysterious

From the moment a guy sees a girl her breasts become a source of mystery for him. He spends most of his time thinking about and visualizing what hides beneath the clothing. Until he gets to actually see them, the mystery is a cause of intrigue for him.

9. No Cleavage without Breasts

The cleavage is perhaps the best sight a man could want to see. Low-cut tops or dresses that show a little too much at the top are highly attractive for men.

Without breasts, there would be no cleavage, so men love the whole package.

10. Breasts Are Comforting

For some reason, men find breasts comforting. They love resting their heads on them. The very sight of them can make their bad mood disappear.

In fact, there has been a study which shows that men who get to see breasts for at least 15 minutes a day live longer and healthier!

I’ll not disagree with any of those reasons because well, all I do know for whatever reason whether that be cultural biological learned whether that be ‘nature or nurture’, I’m captivated by a woman’s breasts! So have I answered my titled question? Yes and no but then again after surfing the internet this afternoon, strikes me whether you are an ‘expert’ or women’s magazine columnist, no one can truly explain the male obsession with a ladies boobs!

And finally! I’ll leave you with a bra comment written by a lady on one of my previous blog postings, and I do so love reading boob perspectives from a lady! (And NO I’m not divulging either her name or which of the 289 postings).

‘I hate bras… I wear them to work because, work.
I wear them if I’m ‘in public’ and the temperature is ‘normal’ for the U.K.
when I get home the bra comes off. Literally as I put my bag down, shoes off, bra off. And often it doesn’t go back on again.
I wear a lot of dresses in summer, without underwear- at all. If the temperature goes above 20°c the bra comes off.

If I see men looking at my breasts I make eye contact & smile & walk on. Sometimes I even laugh (I know, that’s mean but hey…’

A. Shepherdson 2020

Plump round asses, bouncing boobs and long naked legs

You’ll have to have read my sexy postings to appreciate I adore all women whether age 20 or 60 (I’ve slept with a 50 year Polish lady with a dodgy knee btw) oh and keep in mind any reckless honesty is all good natured and certainly not intended to offend……. jeeze people are either appalled disgusted by whatever, or apologising….. so whatever happened to disagreeing with a point of view then moving on?

I place the blame fairly and squarely with Twitter.

Hate Twitter sooo much!

Anyways moving on.

Sun’s shining today and temperatures are approaching 30 degrees Celsius ‘sticky’, humid even, and when there’s a heatwave in the UK we all know what happens, early morning before leaving the house you’ll find excited women rummaging through their summer wardrobe draw looking for sweet nothings! The consequence whether young or the more mature, they’ll shed their winter clothes no different to a caterpillar over-night being transformed into a beautiful butterfly and displaying ‘her’ delicate brightly decorated wings…. I sooo look forward to hot days like these.

Both morning break and lunchtime I’ve wandered around Oxford city streets (remember I’m lol not a pervert) both captivated by their glorious femininity and feeling hard and aroused women watching! Whether wearing tight body hugging tee shirts with plunging neckline revealing an ample cleavage, or high waisted hot pants displaying long slender milk white thighs in need of a suntan, maybe bouncing jiggly breasts strapped into tight fitting bras I’ve had a fabulous day’s viewing…….. omg I’ve enjoyed myself.

In fact there’s been so much tits leg and ass today, I’m feeling quite invigorated and rejuvenated, forget Brexit the Covid-19 pandemic and BLM demonstrations they’ve been far from my mind, oh AND as luck would have it (although she was walking holding hands with her boyfriend) a young woman even passed me on the pavement absent of bra beneath her tee, close my eyes and I can still see her quivering boobs and pointy protruding nipples……. 🙂 lucky boyfriend!

However today didn’t begin so jolly.

Early this morning on my bus journey to work, I had intended to share my angry opinion of last night’s controversial events, you see an airplane flew over a televised soccer match towing a banner with the words ‘White Lives Matter’ emblazoned in large black lettering, (Google image if you can be bothered…. I wouldn’t).

Forward to this morning’s news headlines and the ‘s*** has well and truly hit the fan’, everyman and his dog is feeling mortally offended, Club Captains are ‘deeply ashamed’ by this racist heinous stunt, football Chairmen are both ‘disgusted’ and disowning this wicked statement of fact, worse still politicians have climbed their soap boxes spouting words of condemnation the upshot being there’s now to be a Police enquiry. You’ll have guessed myself and work colleagues are unimpressed, it now appears using the phrase BLM is to be applauded and acceptable, however in I guess response to 3 innocent white men being slaughtered by a knife wielding Islamic extremist at the weekend, a tragedy ripping apart three white families, it now appears we indigenous white Englishman can no longer say White Lives Matter!

Then again perhaps us ‘Whites’ don’t like admitting we’re all racists? I used to think I wasn’t but now I’m not so sure?

The phrase (lot of phrases in tonight’s posting) the saying “it is what it is” comes to mind, rightly or wrongly when discussing race relations in 2020 Britain different rules appear to apply, maybe. Anyways this evening I’ve a smile upon my face, a happy heart and the nerves in the tip of my penis are still tingling, better still tomorrow’s gonna be even hotter! Ladies today still wearing their cold weather coats or perhaps even carrying an umbellar, will be raiding their own summer wardrobe as I speak, what’s more I know from experience there’ll be even more tits ass and long legs to appreciate tomorrow, yep I’ll be taking even longer (less than acceptable) gazes in their glorious direction!

So now I’m going to day dream thoughts of pretty age appropriate young ladies I’ve witnessed today and stroke my arousal to orgasm, then cool myself off finishing with a cold invigorating shower. My final word is? Ladies when you’re going about your day wearing ‘plunging’ tops or revealing a little leg below summer dress hems, just be aware we men notice the ladies who turn us on and masturbate dreaming about them later!

A. Shepherdson 2020

Visiting my Mother (‘schsss’ I’m breaking the Law)

By rights I should be banged-up in Prison by now! My crime visiting my Mum’s house yesterday and contravening ‘The Emergency Corona Act 2020’, no seriously if you apply the letter of the law I’m now officially classified an Offender……. Holy blank just image the asshole horrors I could be subjected to sharing a prison cell with another guy, I’ve seen the movie Shawshank Redemption.

Okay, yes I’m joking for effect (err I think I am) however under new emergency legislation I’m only permitted to leave my home for a visit to the local supermarket, a short period of exercise (no one has a clue what this means), deliver food or medicine to a dependent, however the regulations stopping us from visiting friends or relatives is causing a great deal of confusion, and what constitutes ‘short exercise’ anyway? Taking a cycle ride into the countryside is exercise. To their credit many Police Forces are applying these new Laws with common sense also restraint, however many other Police Forces are dishing out Fines like they’re going out of fashion!

Btw I’m not criticizing our wonderful first responders they’re most likely as confused as the rest of us.

Now I’m old enough and wise enough to understand rushed through legislation, flabby Law’ is also open to misinterpretation and could well end in tears, after all we’ve been here before, remember The Dangerous Dog Act? That well meaning knee jerk reaction to those horrific canine attacks in the mid 90’s, sadly this swiftly drafted well meaning’ legislation was a disaster, I’m sorry but stories of veterinarians euthanising people’s beloved pets just because a dog growled were indefensible.

Time will tell if being fined £600+costs+a victim surcharge by overzealous stormtroopers sorry Policemen/women, all for the crime of standing waiting on a rail station platform without a good reason is justice well served, ‘Rushed Law is Bad Law’ isn’t that how the saying goes?

Ok this Law is only weeks old, hopefully guidelines will be clarified and published soon, if not perfectly law abiding citizens may well refuse to pay fines, contest unjust cases in Courts of Law and chaos will ensue, BUT yes I understand we are living through the worst public health pandemic for 100 years………… I get it! 😦

Anyways, not to worry my mother enjoyed a half hours natter and friendly company, we observed social distancing, I washed my hands, sat in her conservatory for the entire visit and she disinfected the chair after I’d gone home…………

And finally photos taken by me sitting in mum’s conservatory,

smart
I visited my Mother yesterday. I contravened new legislation. I BROKE THE LAW!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

‘Over and down your Mons Pubis’

🙂 #Fun erotica.

750c295af810e68052f9a779c06d7692
……..and you should have seen the ‘googled’ pics I could’ve used 😮

Or the art of enjoying cunnilingus and fellatio during a crisis.

Lockdown oral? Err sounds a little like a weird sexual fetish involving chains padlocks, gleaming patent black bustiers and micro skirts made of PVC, black leather boots shrouding a ‘Dom’s’ creamy white thighs, and bedroom wardrobes large enough to lock a guy inside….. apparently? No don’t be silly, I’m of course referring to couples having sex whilst voluntary cocooned in COVID-19 isolation, sorry, house arrest or legally enforceable home detention now that Boris’s emergency legislation is enshrined in British Law.

He f#cked up but that’s politics for you, now let’s return to my posting about sex 😀 .

I’m beginning to feel jealous of all you happily married couples, you know, laying in bed together early mornings, gently awakening your beloved with a stroking rhythmically sensual hand relief the perfect start to a stressful lockdown day, or gifting hubby a relaxing sensory bj now that you have all this free time on your hands, oh and sloppy wet which goes without saying, slurps of drooling warm saliva lubricating his purple bellend, your mouth wide open full, the tip of your tongue kissing his perineum sure to put any man in a good mood for the remaining day, hmm I’d guess blowing hubby regularly is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

And perhaps if you are a lucky girl, after he’s ‘come’ and you’ve either spat or swallowed, he’ll then gently roll you over laying a warm to touch hand on your tummy, gently circle his dextrose fingertips that drag and pull at the skin sending tingles down your spine, releasing pleasurable chemicals into your brain. The anticipation of a touch to your kitty making the arch of your back wriggle and squirm, your needful body now pleading to be pleasured by orgasm. Though his idle hand won’t linger long before a smoothing silky skinned palm moves down below, slipping beneath your pantie hemline you hardly notice the delicate lacy fabric being lifted and disturbed, and now inside your damp cotton underwear an open hand glides over and down your mons pubis, the involuntary signal to part your thighs ever so slightly more, divide that precious curtained entry to your cave of jewels emeralds and rubies, folds of sticky labia parting to reveal kitten soft skin and the unspoken invitation to touch your moistened wet kitty.

Yes after blowing your betrothed an early morning orgasm, he’ll be excited enough to return your favour, of course he’ll slip off your delicate underwear from shapely legs, his firm hand now pulling at your inner thigh as he repositions himself between wide parted legs, the wider you stretch tight muscles the wider your vaginal canal will be, now aroused ‘bucking’ and hard again, he’s invited to nuzzle his face deep into your pleasure garden and feast upon your sweet nectar, you gasp throw your head back as the tip of his tongue dances like a twirling skater on ice……..….jeeze writing this nonsense has given even me a hard on! Way tooo many metaphors Andrew! 😀

Blissfully happy you’ll lay deep into soft cotton bedding wanting his cunnilingus skills to last forever, well at least until you’d ‘come’! And hopefully IMPORTANTLY climaxing before freshly woken children run to the bathroom spoiling the fun, then again I guess you could both do a ’69 position’ and cut the foreplay time by half? Yep I wish I was married, I’m sooo jealous of all you lucky horny couples now gifted hours of free time to enjoy early morning sex and (lockdown) Oral.

 

(Written Just or Fun and spare a thought for me, I haven’t slept with a woman in well over a month.)

©A. Shepherdson 2020

My homemade Cottage pie

Not a food recipe for vegans!

Just so as you are aware I’m no ‘Delia Smith’ around the kitchen, but I can cook when I apply myself and I’m pretty nifty with cakes and biscuits as it happens! When I first moved into my home many years ago, I promised myself I wouldn’t eat on a diet of High Street shop takeaways and I’ve kept that promise, though I will admit to buying the occasional chilled supermarket meal, but they’re never as tasty has homemade food agreed? BTW I didn’t panic buy groceries when our lockdown was first announced, but with self isolation looming I did buy frozen beef mince and chicken for curries bolognaises etc, and plenty of rice potatoes and pasta etc.

(So did everyone else along with toilet roll, why?)

Anyways enough chat, yesterday I defrosted 400g of lean beef mince and decided to make a cottage pie (or lol the opposite way round), a positive task to keep me amused, then I thought why not add the photographs onto my WordPress, another positive task….. and yes most people reading will make an improved version but ‘hey ho’ humour me 😀 .

smart
Unfortunately due to lockdown isolation I had very little fresh vegetables in the fridge, but not to worry, lol the broccoli complimented my ‘homemade’ cottage pie 😀

Read More »

Selling your body for money

So what to make of today’s Title? To begin with 4 of my past 5 postings have all been corona virus themed, I’ve enjoyed the creative writing process however 4 is quite enough for the present. Not to worry, I’ve revisited my draft postings and blown the dust off this masterpiece languishing unloved and unpublished! It’s politically incorrect (if not darned right illegal) and morally questionable, out of synque with present day social distancing regulations (a frigging understatement if there ever was one!) but I’ve decided to publish (yeh Andrew keep calling yourself a writer) and be damned….  now I’ll quit apologising and allow you to decide if selling your ass for money could ever be considered acceptable.

We’re all prostitutes of a sort, we can all be bought if the price is high enough, can’t we?

Note this posting isn’t a movie review however it is an Indecent Proposal!

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l;jhI’m going to pose a rather delicate question, however hold on before scrolling down to take a peek.

Do you remember the motion picture ‘Indecent Proposal’ starring the fabulous Woody Harlesden, sexy Demi Moore and screen icon Robert Redford. The premise of the film is Woody and Demi, a young beautiful hipster couple are truly madly deeply in love, besotted with each other, just understand if you’ve never watched the film, the movie’s narrative never stops reminding you Woody and Demi have discovered their soul mates…… yes each other.

Forgot to mention they’re newly married.

Now for the plot twist, into this highly watchable tale appears the cool and charismatic Robert Redford, still to this day one of the most beautiful of men to have starred on the silver screen. Well to cut a long story short (and I ain’t gonna worry about giving away spoilers, Indecent Proposal was released in 1993 for heavens sake!) Robert Redford falls for Demi’s character and why an earth wouldn’t he, a combination of both carnal lust and a long distant memory of a similar lady he once loved, Redford offers the two lovers an indecent proposal of one million dollars for ONE night in bed with Demi……. do I really have to detail the sex scene in their Hotel room? No lol.

Ok Redford #@&^%$ Demi and they fell in love……. why wouldn’t she? And how dumb was Woody?

So now I pose the question, and just be aware I’m pathologically obsessed with this moral dilemma, wouldn’t you agree everyone has a monetary price for a night’s passion with their partner? Don’t they? Many couples allow their partner a gimme’, you know a sexy movie actor/actress they’d begrudgingly happily allow them to sleep with, an amusing hypothetical game which will never be tested in Court.

But returning to my indecent proposal, can you envisage a price for a night’s passion with your partner? If the relationship is on the cusp of divorce then the answer’s easy, take the money, divide two ways and run, however if you’re deeply in love with your betrothed possibly sharing children, would you say “no sum is large enough”, or would you sell a night’s passion with your wife or husband if only for a new house car and spending money!

Like I said this conundrum often crosses my mind when say sitting in a train station’s waiting room, two lovers walk past holding hands wander past and I muse ‘would they?’…………… Well you’ve got to keep an imagination busy when bored out your brains!

Now for a (really) Indecent Proposal.

Ok let’s take my narrative one step further, in a creepier weirdo direction. Remember my previous post Yoga Pants (true) story, imagine yourself  for a second walking a path dividing a grassy green common alone, oh and you’re a WOMAN! When all of a sudden a rather well dressed guy appears beside you, the pair of you began chatting about the nice weather you’ve been enjoying or the like, you trust any motives, the banter’s friendly making you feel comfortable and at ease, then the pervert rascal asks you “how much money to squeeze your ass cheeks Miss?”

Holy crap what do you say?

Bearing in mind your two hands are laden down by grocery carrier bags meaning you cannot smack him round the cheeks, you know, drop the bags smashing the eggs and jam jars. Well after the initial shock passes and you didn’t feel particularly threatened (ok just run with my creepy proposal… and I know you’re unconvinced), the friendly conversation continues if a little nervously, that’s until he offers you that indecent proposal!

(The woman is offered £20)…….. “you can #%& off!”

£30 ………..‘where’s a policeman when I need one’

£40 ………. ‘is he for real?’

£50 ………. ‘I think he’s for real’

£60 ……….‘well the daughter does need new shoes’

£70 ………. ‘ok I’m interested’………. ‘but how much higher will he go?’

£80 ……….‘I can’t believe I’m tempted’

£90 ……….‘omg the wallet’s out of his pocket!’

£100!…………

Would you glance around to see if anyone’s watching, swiftly accept the money and whisper,

“Go on… get behind me…. you can squeeze my ass cheeks…… but nothing more mind!!”

Lol where’s the problem? Who’s to know? And by this point you’ll have guessed I’m convinced every woman will prostitute herself agree to be propositioned if the amount is large enough…….. and before you say,

“No guy would pay £100 to touch my ass”,

You’d be surprised, male fantasies and fetishes have no limits, trust me there are men who’d pay for the thrill of squeezing a married woman’s buttocks, sleep with her for £1000s even but I’m not going there, sexual prostitution’s a whole different Posting!

😀 A. Shepherdson 2020 

‘Looking fab in Yoga Pants’ (2)

Short story Fiction and please allow me a little credit 🙂 . 

Anyways, here’s my (very) amateurish attempt at writing a fictional tale……… and if you absolutely must leave the home? Remember to keep your distance from fellow human beings, I know it’s difficult but far from impossible, like you all I’m trying 🙂 .

10f90_yoga_pants2C_girl_cleaning2
You won’t be surprised to know a website GIRLSINYOGAPANTS.COM actually exists!

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I’ll admit to feeling a touch sexually excited, I’ve just returned home from the High Street with a pint of milk in hand, purchasing a little food because I refuse to panic buy and hoard. To my credit I observed a walking distance from others, but one has to make dry porridge oats at least taste palatable. Such are the chaotic times we live in, today it’s a simple joy to stretch my legs and feel the warmth of a spring morning sun upon my face, and who knows? Perhaps today will be my final walk in the sunshine for a while as Britain’s lockdown bites!

Gotta keep positive.

Yesterday evening I felt very down and depressed, but seeing a few happy smiling faces wandering around the Market Square quite cheered me up, btw to a person laden down with carrier bags of non perishable groceries however I will never point a scolding finger, such are the uncertain times we live in I’ve been guilty of a little hoarding as the rest of you, we human’s are anxious creatures and storing pantry food is a way of gaining back control……… perhaps we’re closer to lazy hibernating hedgehogs than we’d care to admit?

Oh yes I’m feeling a touch sexually excited! Truth be told considerably more than a touch because for the past fifteen minutes my jean’s crotch has been near bursting at its seams, penis tingling sensations pulsing along a shaft making it as hard as hard can be, and if you’re curious sporting the mother of all erections to such an extent I could hardly walk!

Having just purchased milk to keep me going over this weekend, a versatile staple food with so many culinary permutations, quite by chance I happened to be tailing two young women. lol keeping two metres to their rears as you should do 😛 ! Two care free happy girls also returning with their delicious booty. (Age appropriate which goes without saying!) Both slim figured slender and tall which is just how I fantasise them, one wore a bottom covering winter jacket, the other a salmon coloured jersey with black skin tight Yoga Pants, inadequate figure hugging material now shimmering against the low sunlight and you wish to know more? Her willowy toned legs were so smooth in appearance they just might have been spray painted black, and I mused! Oh yes I mused ‘how much to squeeze those ‘two buns’ Miss?’

But I cannot! I mean I wouldn’t cause you gotta remember to social distance at all times, and phew just so as you know I never have done nor ever will!……. Gotta get that one out!

(However doesn’t very woman attach a price on her body? A monetary value ‘slapped’ on her ass however prim and proper she may be, or how desperately she’s in need of cash, hmm so how much would she have charged to let me squeeze…… just sayin! 😀 Btw grasp this thought, I just may revisit my contentious ‘if illegal’ indecent proposal.)

Mesmerised I was! The sideways displacement of her child bearing hips a joy to behold, two plump round buttock cheeks quivering in time to each walking pace as only a female human can do, and gazing ever deeper into her pert round ass, bright sunlight illuminated the tenuously thin material to such an extent the Yoga Pants appeared translucent. Yes I could just see a hint of milky white skin through this unbelievably erotic garment, a G-string in place of panties her ass betraying a glorious feminine sexuality………. omg I couldn’t overt my gaze for ONE WHOLE quarter an hour!

And if you’re curious she didn’t once glance behind to see who was following, anyways even if she had, and noticed my pint of milk she’d assume I’d been grocery shopping the same as everyone else. Today I had intended to write a fourth corona virus themed post on the trot, yes more comment may well follow but I just had to take a break, forget about this awful viral catastrophe and mused why not lighten the mood sharing a sexy tale.

Even within these depressing times it’s funny how the sight of a pretty girl’s wobbly ass cheeks still brings a smile to my face, a little joy to my heart, uplifting jaded spirits and reminding me it’s the simple pleasures in life that make life worth living.

And finally, if you really must leave your homes remember to socially distance! Now I must do something about this damned rock hard erection……. any ideas please?

One final word writing, Blogging, dreaming of trim asses keeps me sane!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Looking fab in Yoga Pants! (1)

***Don’t be overly shocked! These 2 Posts kept me out of mischief…. corona virus and all 😦 ***

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Yep I’ve been a-surfing the www again, omg 😮 how an earth does she pull this look off?

Tell me if I’m wrong but is this young lady wearing Yoga Pants? Whatever they’re called they leave little to the imagination and not at all good for a middle aged guy’s ‘ticker!’

I’m not a huge fan of GIFs however I couldn’t resist these 6. You’ll see a great many of these around Oxford pre-lockdown, swinging hips and wobbly buttock cheeks are awesome and if one’s really lucky perhaps a glimpse of kitty…… whoever kitty is? Well at least I’m honest 😀 .

So here’s a question and remember I’m not sexist, at what age should a woman throw her own pair into a trash bin? Lol I’m genuinely curious!

To be continued……………..

A. Shepherdson 2020

Happy Mother’s Day

I’ve sexy photographs for all you middle aged moms to enjoy? Now don’t lie, I read your blog posts so I know you’re all sexually frustrated mares at heart 🙂 , btw how is it anatomically possible for a vagina to take that inside? ………… Anyways here’s a Just For Fun posting and try to enjoy Mother’s Day tomorrow.

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

 

Corona virus, Toilet rolls & Supermarkets

Pictured below you see empty toilet roll shelves in my local ‘Waitrose’, have you noticed the guy looking in my direction? I’d describe him as an interested spectator watching me taking photographs earlier this afternoon, funnier still a minute or so earlier, he’d ALSO been photographing these same empty supermarket shelves!

Rather self consciously I pocketed my smart phone, carried on walking, moments later pausing to exchange a perplexed friendly comment, then he said, 

Guy with the bald head: “These empty shelves, is it because of the corona virus?”

Me: “I think so…. people appear to be panic buying.”

Guy with the bald head: “Utterly bizarre!”

Me: “Yes… I couldn’t agree more.”

…………. and with that, the two of us grinning men went our separate ways to continue an evening’s grocery shopping.

I’ve a suggestion use newspapers in place of toilet roll as my great grandparents would have done, cut out photos of Donald Trump and Boris Johnson and take great pleasure and satisfaction using them to wipe your ass!

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My local Waitrose this evening, notice the empty toilet tissue shelves, wtf?

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Then I walk around the next isle, and there’s enough bottles of alcohol to open your own Wine Bar.

Am I missing something? Has a News story passed me by saying the world’s toilet roll producing factories are closing down? That there’s a global shortage of carboard tubing used to bind tissue paper around? Could it be when you catch Corona Virus one of the symptoms is uncontrollable diarrhea?

If you know the answer please do tell 🙂 .

I am genuinely dumbstruck, face masks and bottles of disinfectant yes, but switch on your TV, or read your browser’s News feed and whether you live in London New York or Florence Italy, the world’s Supermarket shelves are emptying of toilet loo rolls.

Uh?

Panic buying makes me angry, a distasteful spectacle of human being’s at their most ugly, displays of greed and selfishness, the hoarding of food and a total lack of respect for others. For goodness sake we have an abundance of groceries and there’s plenty enough for everyone, I’d guess one News outlet filmed an empty toilet roll shelf, people rushed to their Supermarkets, a snowball effect ensued and before you know it there’s a worldwide retail shortage of toilet rolls.

Are we witnessing globalisation at its most terrifying, a shortage in ONE retail outlet triggering a global rush for food clothing petrol whatever, or is this an evolutionary throwback to dinosaur times, when berries growing on trees came into season and bountiful and cavemen felt the sudden urge to forage for food, collect hoard and store fruit before a diplodocus hoovered them up from the forest floor.

I have to agree with my bald headed Supermarket friend, “utterly bizarre!” 

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

The ‘button down boob gap’

“And here’s me thinking I knew everything there was to know about women’s fashion….. turn’s out I didn’t”

I have a female breast tale for you this evening and if you’ve not read this blog before you won’t know of my (healthy) breast obsession, oh how I adore those warm squidgy bundles of fun ❤️.

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Busty girl’s boobs create a wardrobe malfunction technically referred to as the ‘button down boob gap’…… well who’d have known?

As god is my witness, until researching this evening’s photos the phrase ‘button down boob gap’ was unknown to me, and here’s me assuming I knew everything there was to know about knickers bras and ladies lingerie, I’m a man of the world so how on earth did this phrase pass me by? For heaven’s sake there’s even a YouTube sewing video teaching women the tricks to avoiding this dreaded ‘peek-a-boob’ gap, and I’d suggest when a lady’s dressing of a morning or trying on a new blouse in a fashion shop fitting room, one thought will be on her mind….. ‘this blouse isn’t working you can still see my bra. ‘

Or for the more outspoken female readers amongst you….. ‘WTF! MY TITS ARE SHOWING!’ 

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The organisation I’m employed by has a new female employee, a lovely lady what’s more she suffers from a delightful busty girl problem, jeeze how much personal detail can I divulge without landing me in hot water, just imagine the hoo-hah this post could create if heaven forbid she actually read it!

Oh well not to worry ‘in for a penny in for a pound’ as they say…. 

I’ll be completely honest with you dear readers, the lady I’m about to describe just might not bare resemblance to our lady at work, many people to their cost upload info onto the internet, fail to forget those ghosts and lurkers reading your blog might well know you in person……..  oh yes! So with anonymity clearly in mind hopefully my co-worker wouldn’t couldn’t recognise herself, now there’s a satisfying conceit if she suspected.

So let’s begin, 9.00am prompt last Friday morning, seated around an expansive meeting room table picture an assortment of professional men and women ranging from age 23-65, quite a demographic spread with the majority a male orientation, incidentally there’s a fair few cross dressing ‘trans people’ floating around our department but that’s a whole different blog post……. without googling does trans mean they’ve had their testicles removed? Or would that be transvestite?… God knows I’m too old to care.

Keep on message Andrew. You need to appreciate these weekly conferences are sooo boring, attendance is compulsory and so we’re told ‘essential’ but the jury’s out and I’m still to be convinced. Just so as you know, this table I’d liken to Christ’s final supper with the important Holy One keeping this tiresome charade in track. Now for the sex interest, seated to our messiah’s left sits his trusting secretary and just so as you know I’m in turn seated at right angles to this age 50 lady…… picture the scene, common you can work it out!

I’m an extra within this tiresome pantomime, my place is listen not to speak and mentally take notes for the following weeks tasks, so there I sat reclining back in my cushioned chair, facing the Holy One but three metres away, then omg several minutes in my attention’s suddenly drawn to our secretary’s ample bosom, a fine looking woman let’s call Clementine shall we. The first fleeting thrill of a Friday morning is her entrance for she wears age appropriate short dresses in summer, pleated skirts and sheer black stockings in winter, and believe me the penis anticipates her choice of hemline, now here’s a thought how many others are dreaming of sexual relations with sweet Clementine? 

Absentmindedly listening to these lovely yet rather self important individuals is boring, but realising there’s a subplot, people vying for good favour can be entertaining and oh yes there’s plenty of bs! I invariably spend the entire meeting quietly people watching for if truth be told my presence is invisible to these intellectual superstars. Hopefully unaware, my eyes darted around the room often returning to gaze at Clementine’s bosom, a busty lady today wearing a buttercup yellow ‘button down blouse’ and floral skirt…… I’ve changed the colours but lol you guessed that anyway.

Studiously writing and scribbling down notes, a concentrated gaze never broken from her sheet paper minutes, time to time Clementine paused all the while listening intently to God’s weary sermon, she’d look up, then recline again to her prim up-right position, and omg it’s then I noticed as this lady’s blouse floated back and forth, a gaping hole appeared between the blouse buttons shrouding her bosom……. that caught my attention I can tell you!

Jeeze, I’d sell my soul for a squeeze and suck of her tits.

Now, I’m safe in the knowledge this lady’s most important weekly task is to take notes then later disseminate via email to present attendees, I’m safe then, she’s now dutifully employed and I’m captivated watching her large at a guess DD breasts, btw a fantasy induced wet dream of mine is to bend her over that table, pull her knickers down and thrust my penis from behind, but again that’s a whole other blog post.

Just so as you know I’m safe in the knowledge Clementine’s unfazed by my wicked attention, with breasted torso rocking back and forth, a small window would appear revealing yes her right breast, a pale pink blush in colour nestling within a padded half cup of white fabric, delicately cushioned, absent of frilly lace and a little grey having seen the inside of many a washing machine tub.

Yes Clementine this Friday morning suffered a wardrobe malfunction created by a combination of faulty blouse design and very large tits, massive boobs that today naturally separated resting to Clem’s sides and a half cup bra that was at a guess a touch tooo loosely fitting, ‘omg’ I thought to my self.. ‘ you’re showing an awful lot of skin’…. definitely not a Wonderbra.

My penis hardened regularly last Friday morning half gazing through Clementine’s button down boob gap, incidentally throughout my lifetime a vision I’ve clocked many occasions before, and I’m wondering now whether I’ll watch her erotic clothing performance ever again. For twenty minutes I half gazed at her right curvacious boob, half expecting a nipple areola to appear, I’m telling you now I was half expecting a rim of chocolate brown to pop out, my guess is yes, from my experience big breasted women with pendulous drooping breasts empty if milk after suckling several babies are expansive and brown, yep my educated knowledge tells me Clem’s areola wasn’t far off from revealing a nip slip….. oh well perhaps that joyous experience reveals itself another Friday morning. 

I guess my only concern is one of feminine intuition, she studiously takes notes gazing thoughtfully toward the table, but is Clementine aware of piercing eyes gazing through her blouse ‘button down boob gap’? Truly scrumptious, who’d have guessed this phenomenon has a name, I didn’t!

A. Shepherdson 2020

An open apology letter to women not wearing bras!

My first (and only) Reblog.

This post has been viewed more than any other on my WordPress, it’s also a (firm) favourite of mine and preludes my up and coming new post titled ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage’.

Btw women’s boobs are both a favourite and reoccurring theme of mine 😀 and always respectfully written. ❤

Blogging Thoughts Photos & Life

‘Strap’ yourselves in this is a LONG one! 😀

Early evening thoughts with MILD adult themes…………. honest and respectful as always (comment if you’ve had your fill of my female sexual observations and objectification of the female human animal’s body)………….. my imagination I fear is out of control 7 o’clock at night, I’m incorrigible, my hardness is excited and twitching hence I write because these posts are fun and keep me interested when WordPress feels a lonely place……… 123 ahhh 😀

Does anyone honestly think this photo below is offensive? 

public-braless-4A question for you, why is the female breast nipple such a big deal for a guy? And I’d agree with you ladies who say nipples shouldn’t be, after all they have one purpose in life to allow a nursing baby to latch onto the breast and drink mum’s milky goodness, big f#cking deal? Then babes grow into healthy toddlers…

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Is Lust really a deadly sin? (pt2)

I guess she’s flirty with me 😀 for the simple reason I pose no threat plus I’m a nice friendly guy 🙂 .

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Before I begin my tale I should point out my neighbour wasn’t walking her dog dressed in her underwear 😦 , I’d like to make that one quite clear!

Invariably on workday early mornings I’ll bump into a lady dog walker soon after leaving my home, I’m making for a bus stop with the intention of going to work, the lady is returning home after having taken her dog for a walk in the local Park and as neighbours do, we have a short chat because I’m a personable friendly sort of guy, oh and she’s married and age 45+.

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Is Lust really a deadly sin?

If you are happily married, or happily co-habiting, you may find this post morally challenging though hopefully not, as always it’s just Andrew thinking out aloud 🙂 .

(Part2 follows, I have a lady neighbour who owns a dog!)

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Can two people be ‘only ever’ just good friends?

During those idle moments when one’s mind tends to wander there’s a question I often ask myself, would I sleep with a unhappily happily married woman?

The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a real favourite of mine and not because of Meg Ryan’s awesomely faked orgasm, a performance that’s more than a little disturbing to us men! No I’m fascinated by the premise at the story’s heart, the question Billy actually asks Meg namely can two people be ‘just good friends’ without the relationship becoming sexual OR heading that way until intelligence and good sense makes people stop and think! Can you be friends with that ‘special’ person at work without becoming romantically involved?

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Schoolteacher ‘Crushes’

File this under happy childhood memories, my first true love 🙂 .

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And NO Miss Steer didn’t resemble this cartoon school teacher, a great image though!

A thought just crossed my mind, I’d guess I’m not only person to have fallen in love with their school teacher, no love is tooo emotive a word, sexual infatuation fits better or is experiencing strong feelings towards an adult every child’s first real sexual awakening, a young teenager’s rights of passage have you will?

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Missionary (& NSFW)

I guess the truly intriguing side to WordPress is musing ‘I wonder who reads my blog?’ Hmm interesting, so previously in a blog post I’ve told you the length of an average erect penis, you may be aware Karina is a lady I meet inside Motels, and btw not even I know what the following post will be about?

(A Charles Dickens themed London trip follows sooon!)

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I was reminiscing the other day, recalling happy memories, enjoying thinking about the women I’ve slept with throughout my adult life, now without breaking confidences my Virginity was taken many years ago by a lovely lady named err let’s call her Jemma, yes not her name but Jemma suits her. Now I’ll refrain from letting you in on that wonderful afternoon because I’ve already written a post sharing that fabulous experience, very emotional and possibly the best afternoon of my life…………. btw this tale will appear on a blog near you sooon! 

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WOW you’ve a cute Ass! (NSFW)

Erotic flash fiction (original & by meee!)  

Never assume that guy standing behind you in ‘The Deli’ queue is deciding which soft cheeses to buy!

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Standing behind you in our shared bus queue, so close I could reach out my arms encircle your waist and draw you close into me, that hard bump below, my aroused groin pressing deep against your shapely pert bottom nestling between two barely visible peach shaped ass cheeks…………… but alas I can’t, I shan’t, I won’t nor ever would………. I value my reputation, cherish my liberty tooo dearly to put my fingers inside a sugary delicious sweetie jar. 

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SATS, niece & Bugsy Malone!

Intriguing Title no? Call this post Creative Writing part 2 or whatever lol.

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Yesterday was both lovely and sad, lovely because my sibling and daughter came over to stay over for the night with my mother, sad because we all as a family visited my father in Hospital, not the most enjoyable of experiences but there you old age creeps up on every one of us and the best we can do is make life comfortable for him.

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Sexy, a fashion nightmare for the older woman?

Just for fun 🙂 .
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“Mutton dressed up as Lamb” Is a British way of describing a (deluded) older woman who is dressed in a style more suited to a younger woman, also slightly derogatory because she’s deliberately trying to appear young.

Or you may prefer Bernadette Matthews definition at mumsnet.com: 

‘Too much leg and cleavage on show at the same time!’

Regular readers to this WP will be aware I love interacting with other writers, well this evening I’ve a response post prompted by the excellent LA and her thought provoking blog Forever21, I urge you to follow she’s possibly my favourite blogger, slightly irreverent, ladles of honest American attitude and oozing oodles of common sense,.

‘I dressed in an outfit that I thought was good for the event and that I felt confident in. And basically, this is how you should feel when you walk out the door. A friend saw a picture of me and said that I looked stylish and sexy, which of course was my exact goal. But then I started to wonder- was I starting to push it?

So, while we were on line, I said this to my friend, who is in excellent shape and looks great for any age, and she simply shook her head and said “Yeah. I know. When do we actually look good for our age, and when do we start to look ridiculous.”

Ok I agree, LA probably didn’t have the derogatory and unfair ‘label’ mutton dressed up as lamb’ at the point of her writing ‘when do we look good for our age and when do we start to look ridiculous’, but hey they make interesting bedfellows don’t you think?

I’d suggest the what to wear dilemma hardly ever crosses a guy’s mind, I’m age 50 and feel completely comfortable wearing charcoal black jeans matched with a light blue Oxford long sleeved shirt, perhaps a sweater and smart shoes, all very casual, a look I could wear at work or down the pub of a weekend and I’d guess no one gives me a second glance………. HOWEVER I have no doubt what NOT to wear is a real headache for the older woman!

So as I’m at a lose end I did a little on-line surfing all in the name of research, oh and because I’m a guy who knows sweet FA about fashion! Then I happened across this jewel of Debenham’s research which said,

‘When it comes to fashion, nine in ten women aim to dress younger than their years. And more than half say they won’t start ‘dressing their age’ until they are at least 70’, further ‘Over half said they began to dress younger in their 30s and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-40s’.

Now LA’s a lady who loves lists and these Top 10 Items You’re Too Old to Wear, read as brilliant advice, and remember I know sweet FA about fashion, clueless, however I’m as quick to judge and point my finger as every other guy so why not give an opinion! Hmm, and I wouldn’t disagree with their 10 ‘fashion minefields’,

  1. Message tee shirts
  2. Too trendy denim
  3. Costume shoes
  4. Micro mini skirts
  5. Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage/Visible or coloured bra straps.
  6. White, Ribbed Cotton Tank Tops
  7. Hair gadgets
  8. Oversized decorated Hobo Bags
  9. Cheap unflattering underwear
  10. Loud accessories

“But trying too hard only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young.”

As I’ve said before I’m a keen observer of the human female mammal, read my posts, and I would suggest the true bananas skin, fashion fau-pa opportunity is sexiness, get it wrong wear a short a black leather skirt, heals inches too high, blouses too low cut are a recipe for unwanted attention from men, and disapproving looks from women worried about losing their man and I ain’t saying nothing about looking like a hooker!

Just avoid anything four inches or more above the knee and add tights to make a short skirt less risqué, say the experts. Or wear chic straight skirts, classy being the watchword, allowing you to show off some curves without making you look as though you’re pretending to be born after the Bill Clinton years!

It’s a worry but classy is the watch word, trouser jeans you can wear from the PTA meeting to a party when paired with the right top, stylish padded shoes with wider thicker heels and definitely avoid anything that shows excessive cleavage or visible coloured bra straps……….. or any underwear for that matter.

0818a65ff44362f28e79ebac376d6ec2I realise the older woman would never be caught dressed like this, whoever lol thought low-cut jeans and thongs was a good idea? But I guess the saying ‘you’re only young once applies!

Apparently the more mature lady ‘shouldn’t feel she needs to show it all off. Anything below the middle of your bustline has got to go,’ ‘A little goes a long way,” and no excessive ‘boobage’ past the age of 40, displaying too much sagging skin apparently is a no no, so go for a blouse underneath, unbutton a few buttons and you’re going to look sexy but classy’.

Having said all that, the summer of 2018 was one of Britain’s hottest, and I can recall as if yesterday sitting on the top deck of a bus, looking out the window and watching a woman age 65 if a day. Totally captivated I was, for this mature lady in her blue pencil skirt and restrained high heels wore a tight fitting tee shirt with, wait for it, no bra! And all I’ll add to that is she was a ‘big girl’ yet looked both classy and ravishing!

Way to go madam.

And now we arrive at number 9 ‘Cheap, Unflattering Underwear’ and I’ll profess to being an interested expert! As I’ve written before M&S tells us most women are not fitted properly, a woman’s breasts and body sags so I guess underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.

Having said all or that, our Group Secretary at work throughout Summer wears low cut print dresses displaying her ample assets, the only trouble is us Technicians are NOT listening to our lecturing Professor! Yep I agree, appropriate sexiness is where an older woman can look classy or yes ‘Mutton Dressed Up as Lamb’.

And finally advice from the experts.

“Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules, but what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless, this way, you’re going to look fabulous because the look is appropriate for you.”

A. Shepherdson 2019

How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

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2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

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(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I inquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dexterous skillful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or fellatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I traveled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have thought ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Boutique Mannequins modelling underwear (Thursday)

(My apologies for not publishing my NSFW post yesterday, I went out for a lovely meal with three retirees I used to work with so I’ll post another time.)

Thursday 14th of February and of course Valentine’s Day, so if you’ve been following this week’s daily postings you’ll be aware the topic that weaves them all together (well hopefully) is women’s lingerie, jeeze even surprises me how my overactive imagination works sometimes. All good fun 🙂 .

Ok I know I’m a bit odd, stop nodding you’re not supposed to agree! And YES I did take those photographs above earlier this week, “why so Andrew?” Well today I’m asking myself, could a guy be prosecuted for indecent assault, you know if he was to ‘touch up’ a Department Store clothing mannequin when ‘she’s’ wearing sexy underwear? 

No I didn’t but I can’t say I wasn’t tempted!

All this past week after alighting from my commuter bus in the centre of Oxford, I pass these three on the way to work, but because our early mornings are still dark dazzling halogen spotlights almost bring them alive, in fact on the first morning they caught my eye and I had to do a ‘double-take’ they are that realistic……………. I should add being as it’s nearly Valentines Day there are many more displays similar to this, AND what’s with ALL these plastic models being six feet tall, slender and size 8 figures, what’s wrong with size 14 women gifted with child bearing hips and 34DD busts?

Good question no?

So begs the question, in the minds of the window dressers who are they actually trying to appeal to? Is it men so as they’ll buy sweet nothings for their significant other? Or women so that they can wear something sexy to excite and turn their man on? Not forgetting those confused women in lesbian relationships…………… no NO when I say confused I mean they’re both buying for both themselves also their partners……….. phew that was close! And I dare not mention we have skirt wearing Transsexuals at my place of work.

(I’m saying absolutely nothing, be true unto yourself that’s what I say)

So now I’m wondering can a sexy lingerie wearing shop mannequin ever be considered indecent? I’m absolutely convinced many Muslim men will find those three ‘women’ pictured above offensive, recently London Underground had to remove posters of models wearing brassieres because questions had been asked, I’d guess there’d been a social media sh#t storm or women’s Groups had asked why women’s bodies were being sexually objectified?…………. Jeez goodness knows what feminists would make of some of the posts on this blog.

However readers should be aware by now I adore women and am also a feminist, heavens we even have female engineering apprentices at work and why not, the days of girls only doing sewing and cookery at school and boys doing metalwork are long gone, and as it should be. Being serious for a second, and note I have addressed this topic before, #MeToo has changed Britain for the better because I’ve noticed men take a great deal more care with their language opinions and banter when around women.

Where was I? Oh yes me earlier today standing in the entrance to Debenhams department store taking photographs, I double checked to see no one was watching but no doubt I was being watched by their CCTV cameras, and I’ve just had a thought that’ll be twice now! (long story) So no I didn’t touch these three tasty plastic models up but they didn’t half look sexy, I guess that answer’s my earlier question doesn’t it, that women’s lingerie is purchased for their partner’s enjoyment…………… yes?

Discuss 😀 .

Before I leave you, this’ll be the first Valentine’s Day in 58 years that my dad hasn’t purchased a loving card for my mum 😦 . Isn’t memory robbing dementia is a wicked medical condition, I doubt he has any comprehension of what being married actually means? I’d guess in his own little world mum is now just a person who is always around the house at his ‘beck and call’, all terribly sad.

Anyways just so as to redress any perceived sexist imbalance, there’s not this is just for fun, but if anyone is unhappy here’s a photo whether you be straight or gay.

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Now I’m not gay but he is pretty fit!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

“Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!” (True story Tuesday)

You should know me by now! I’m a fascinated observer of the female human mamal, anything wrong in that?

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So with this week’s blog topic in mind, daily posts themed around women’s lingerie, I’m going to raise the tone of this ‘blog’ and write a post about yes women’s underwear, a tale prompted by mistakenly finding myself on ‘Marks and Spencer’s’ floor devoted to women’s undergarments…….. if you’ve never heard of M&S all you need to understand is 70% of women buy their underwear here, with Oxford’s Branch having half a floor devoted solely to this most Holy of intimate garment, seriously a cavernous expanse of delicate lingerie hanging in aisles interspersed by the occasional size 8 mannequin, dolled up in err……….. well use your imagination please!

Whatever the age M&S is Britain’s go to knicker store.

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And yes that is ‘Camilla Windsor’ being shown around M&S’s lingerie department!

When one descends the escalator within Oxford’s Debenhams department store, from top floor down to level number three, a traveller aboard this slow travelling walkway will invariably pass by ladies with a thoughtful expression etched across their brow and holding up some delicate garment of lingerie to the light. She’s of course deeply concentrated wondering whether this bra or pair knickers will look good on her figure, does she like the colour and of course most importantly of all whether purchasing is worth the asking price? Perhaps contemplating trying it on before going home and buying it a third off from Amazon? 

Yes? No? Please don’t answer………… and do people do this? I mean use a store only to test goods out? I hope not, I’m now very conscious of trying to buy what I need on the High Street or Mall, because  disappearing Town centres are often the heart of a community and they do provide jobs.

As an aside, Jeff Bezos Amazon has a one trillion dollar turnover, to me that stinks of a great many City centre shops having to close and many many thousand of workers having lost their jobs, PLUS he pays very little tax instead funnelling British online purchases through offices in Luxembourg…………. frigging hell man, at least pay the taxes you owe!!

Where was I before sidestepping into an angry rant, oh yes women purchasing their underwear! Actually if I wasn’t a skilled engineer I’d like to work in a lingerie department just to stand and watch these err sexy goings on, in fact I’d work for free!! Just imagine handling these pretty pieces of cloth ALL day long, mind you I’d stop at any ideas of helping out in the bra fitting rooms, sorry but that’s just plain creepy!

Jeez my train of consciousness even takes me back sometimes!

Where was I? Riding escalators observing women buy their underwear, and no I don’t return straight up to the top floor so as I can watch these ladies on the return journey down again, jeeze that would be just plain creepy (again) hmm would be fun though, even pressing that emergency red button that stops accidents from happening, err hasn’t 😀 ever crossed my mind!

However walking through Marks and Spencer’s first floor lingerie department in Oxford UK, is a WHOLE lot more emotionally nerve-racking, truly, at this point you may be perhaps thinking ‘A. Shepherdson pray why are you looking at women’s underwear?’ No NO I don’t wear lingerie, no if you need to return an item purchased, in order to reach ‘Returns Exchanges and Refunds’ situated at the rear of Floor 1, you have to walk through yes this gigantic expanse full of women’s underwear, rows and rows of it! Slightly disconcerting actually brushing past lacy pink twinsets, a sight captured by the corner of my eye because I’m not looking.

M&S’s underwear department used to be on the ground floor, to be more exact in front of the entrance to the food hall, then one time I had to take an unwanted item back, made for Returns on first floor, and there facing me is a retail cathedral space dedicated to just lingerie, I actually froze my feet unable to walk! They’d gone and redesigned the interior of the shop hadn’t they! In a state of near panic I walked up to a young lady dressed in black with her back to me, reaching to hang up a garment or take it down and asked her,

“Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where the Return’s counter is?”

This brunette young woman turned around, as startled as I was and no older than sixteen, well I ask you how was I to know this tall girl was a mere teenager? Jeez we all make honest mistakes, well her cheeks blushed and she nervously answered,

“Sorry I don’t work here”, and then her eyes quickly darted sideways to look at someone now standing beside me, I also turned to this person now stalking its prey, ME a single guy speaking with her daughter, and who did I see? Yes a middle aged woman and by the look of her quite obviously the young girl’s mother, well you can tell can’t you! The mother slightly taken aback then burst out laughing before saying,

“She doesn’t work for Marks and Spencer’s” and btw now smiling,

So I quickly replied “Oh no! Sorry I mistook her for a salesperson?” The mother laughed again saying “no worries” and I quickly turned and made for an exit, talk about embarrassing! Anyways I returned to the Store hours later, asked an actual member of staff this time for directions, and yes they’d moved Returns to way behind those racks of hanging underwear.

Yes a misunderstanding all around, omg I’m closer to the end than the beginning, my heart cannot take mild shocks like it use to!

Hmm amuses me still how nervous I get walking through a ladies underwear department, do all men feel this way? I guess subconsciously I’ll think back to the women I’ve undressed or watched undress, and yes like I said earlier while in Debenhams, I am amused watching women perusing selecting touching and holding towards bright fluorescent lights their soon to be purchased delicates! 

Anyways not to worry they both had a laugh at my expense, the mother seemed to think the mistaken identity absolutely hilarious? And I can imagine the daughter saying later “Do I look like I’m dressed as a shop worker for heaven’s sake?” But jeez you do have to be careful asking customers questions inside underwear departments, don’t you? Or are we men becoming slightly paranoid #MeToo fallout and all.

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Now I’m aware Superman wears his shorts on the outside but do women wear knickers on top of a pair of leggings? Or were they dressed by a guy 😀 !!

(I’ve thought about this seemingly inconsequential tale many times, a completely absurd scenario but what always confuses me is why this mother burst out into uncontrollable laughter? Perhaps I looked more startled than I ever assumed, or is the reason little more complicated than a ‘mummy bear looking out for her offspring bear cub? Funny old day.) 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (with Googled photographs not my own)

 

 

 

 

‘That sacred spot of blissful heaven’ (Erotic Monday)

If you’ve happened to read yesterday’s post, you’ll know all the five days this week I am writing a tale flash fiction or whatever on the theme of women’s lingerie, don’t ask why perhaps I’m just odd that way……………….. incidentally the ‘publishing’ sequence has changed, or in other words that’s the story of my WordPress. 

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Laying beside Karolina two Saturdays ago I don’t think I’ve felt happier in a long while, my lady’s aged 50 and extremely passionate, an amusing conversationalist if a little hard to follow as she’s from Poland, but not to worry she’s an extremely sexy lady, in fact my idea of a dream woman, and I know having a lady stick her tongue deep inside your mouth while kissing sounds a little ahem icky! But it really is sensuous and divine.

So where are we two aged lovers to be found? Me a fifty something who wears glasses when having sex, also Karolina with her dodgy knee that locks up meaning she has to clamber off the bed to give creaking joints a stretch! No arthritis just ‘ole mother time’ creeping up and don’t you find older women are more grateful of a guys romantic advances, not desperate for attention, no just content to be loved for who they are, no spring chicken and all, oh and fucked hard by a guy who prefers his sexual animal to be a woman of more mature years.

Where are we? Inside a Travelodge Inn alongside a busy A34 dual carriageway, a bedroom to be more exact, I’d guess American’s would call this establishment a Motel for lonely individuals driving monotonous ashen gray motorways in need of a cheap place to sleep of a night.

Our room is in pitch darkness apart from a shaft of bright light shining from the wardrobe bathroom, the temperature’s boiling as Motels often are and Karolina’s laying on our bed gazing at the ceiling with me close by her side, so close I’m all but cuddling with my body touching hers from my chest to my toes, snuggled in tightly, my six inch hardened dick resting atop her thigh and bucking bouncing off her skin to the beat of a drum, physiologically connected to the blood pumping through my heart.

Yes I do love her, my arm resting on her tummy a hand slipped inside her burgundy panties, the same exact colour as a good claret of wine. I’m not looking at her lingerie briefs though with two digit fingers gently sliding back and forth through the parted lips of her wet kitty, sweeter than wine and bare of all pubic hair but for a small stubbly patch on her mons pubis, lol there’s a medical term you don’t hear often! 

So do I miss that teenage pubic bush weeded out over the ravages of time? They’re kinda fun to run finger’s through or admire in the shower, a mop of brunette coloured hair dripping and wet.

With my fingertips doing all the talking below, my gaze is drawn to Karolina’s chest raising with every breath sipped in, two high round breasts nestling beneath her claret shaded bra cups, with its swirling patterns of lace matching the panties and my busy fingers inside, but hold on subconsciously my sexually aroused mind has control of my fingers without me knowing, playing a fiddle all by their own now pressed against her clit and dragging her intimate skin in small circles, the curtains of her labia lips now drawn tightly closed.

Then faintly audible to my ear, hardly noticeable within our church hushed boudoir, I heard the quietist whisper you ever did hear, Karolina with her eyes tightly closed, purred a softly spoken,

“Oh My God!”

Do you know if I’d cleared my throat or been distracted by noise outside I would have missed it!

She quiet startled me actually though not a muscle in my body responded to Karolina’s almost joyous incredulity, with my imagination pricked alive I suddenly realised my circling fingertips had touched a spot so sacred, nerve endings so excited by pleasure giving chemicals flooding her brain, a cocktail altering her mind, that for those few two seconds in time Karolina had been whisked to a blissful heaven itself.

(……………. and tomorrow, “Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!”)

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Washing machine Review & ‘firepit’ saga (pt3/5)

Two Post today! But first an Update and a Review.

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My new washing Machine

Amazing how the absence of a camera lens (above) distorts photos taken by a tablet, I think I’ll stick with my £8 Fuji eBay purchase in future.

For those readers unfamiliar with my unforeseen washing machine saga series, I began by intending to show you how to replace a rubber seal on my 19 year old Bosch, I changed the part but the appliance never worked again? And the reason why wasn’t even my fault………. read here if you need to but lol I wouldn’t bother 😀 .

So I’ve given up any dreams of becoming an electrical appliance maintenance engineer, and instead decided to upcycle/convert the old washing machine drum into a fire pit/garden incinerator or better still BBQ, and please do read that post here. (Helps for later)

However before I write a ‘How To’ guide for making a drum firepit (remember upcycling means taking a defunct product and converting it into something usable) I thought I’d share a brief review of my new machine pictured above ABSENT OF AN ACCOMPANING YOUTUBE VIDEO!

(As an aside, WordPress is a haven for expressing yourself through the written word, so perhaps I shouldn’t post tooo many of my own YouTube videos here? Not to worry my ‘Blog’ features less than 1% video media.)

Now to my first product review, by that I mean a buyers first thoughts.

Where was I? Oh yes my review of something purchased, one day I’ll learn the art of keeping my thought processes on track!

As I’ve written before my previous Bosch washing machine lasted 19years, my Hotpoint Refrigerator finally died 18years ago and I’m writing not a jot about my Hotpoint Freezer for fear of tempting fate!!! Have I been lucky? I guess so yes, but don’t get me started with regurgitating my kitchen oven rant or I’ll be still here 1000 words later still spitting feathers.

I’d guess the maxim ‘you get what you pay for’ applies to everything in life, a Bosch appliance isn’t the cheapest to purchase however as we’re informed they’re built in Germany a Country that builds quality engineered products, alas unlike mine own which appears to manufacture very little these days but that’s a WHOLE different BREXIT story.

Early days! I’ve only used my new Bosch Vario Perfect Serie 4 for a handful of washes, but all’s well and good and machine operates as instructed, not forgetting of course a Bosch comes with a 2 year manufacturers warranty as standard 🙂

Finger’s crossed, I very much doubt it’ll last another 19years but who knows?

Two very pleasant gentlemen from ‘John Lewis’ (upmarket UK store) both delivered and fitted it two weeks ago, and I hadn’t realised washing machines no longer require hot water feeds, no the only two pipes that need connection are the cold water inlet feed and a drain pipe taking the ‘dirty water’ away. They installed the appliance giving me brief operating instructions before leaving and advising I begin with a 4hour 90 degrees wash cycle, that sounds frigging expensive!

90 degrees Celsius for heavens sake! (Does anyone wash at 90 degrees? Discuss)

The accompanying guide manual is a little daunting reading to begin with, phrases like Speed Eco Water, Heavy soiling, Plus/Rinse Plus/Wash and the like, but then again don’t they say Washing machines are designed by men? Select a cycle by turning the control dial and there are ten cycles to choose from cottons delicates etc, each option displays the spin cycle speed, beginning to end time also temperature as a pre-set and I guess you choose your favourite then stick with it for many years to come? Btw I didn’t know this, but the faster the spin the more creases that are put into the garments err wow? I’ll get the hang of it, oh and there are additional settings for short eco washes pre soaks etc but a couple of hours at 40 degrees has suited me fine for this past 20years.

A major improvement compared to my old Bosch machine is the spin cycle is a whole lot quieter than before, and of course if you never overload the drum in weight then you’ll never experience vibration problems applies, yes my Bosch quietly spins itself into a 1400 purring cycle and as I’ve hinted at finger’s crossed no problems yet.

So does anyone actually concern themselves worrying about garment crease levels? Or do you throw in 2 detergent tablets, close the door and wash at 40 degrees for a couple of hours every single time?

A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Trouble with the Youth of today is………….

I’m guessing if you have children of your own you’ll possibly probably enjoy this one. 😀

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‘David’ by Michelangelo 1501-04, I think if the day ever comes when this magnificent marble statue is deemed obscene it’ll be the day I finally give up on humanity.

“Wow didn’t David have a small willy!” (Now come on you were thinking it so I said it.)

A very wise man (she could have been a woman) once wrote ‘the good ole days’ are 50 years long (I’d suggest they never existed in the first place), and the older I get the more I understand that writer’s perceptive thought processes, AND without Googling (because I never do) didn’t a philosopher living way back in antiquity days once utter the line “the trouble with the Youth of today is……..”

Well I have to be completely honest I’m no longer writing the post I’d first intended, the name of this Greek guy intrigues me so through the wonder’s of Google I just had to discover his actual quotation, and wouldn’t you just know I came across these following words of wisdom written by other Greek philosophers of the day.

A brief intermission (Get the popcorn out).

(The tale of how and why my Great Grandfather emigrated from Southern Ireland back in 1916 will have to wait, on and off I’ve been researching my family tree his father was a Boer war soldier and I’ve recently been given written evidence to prove something I’d suspected or hoped to be true…………… namely Grandpa was a political refugee, his family persecuted by Catholics so he sailed the Irish sea seeking asylum in the UK as both an illegal immigrant also a migrant worker…………… hmm well who’d have guessed, Grandpa was an asylum seeker, perhaps I should be more careful when discussing UK immigration!! 😀 ………. btw the irony isn’t lost!’)

Intermission over.

Returning to Googled Greek philosopher’s and their wayward children, ok this evening’s post is little more than regurgitated facts you’re all probably aware of, they’re lifted from the internet by me, nope nothing incisively new here but they’re entertaining reading all the same!

“They (Young People) have exalted notions, because they have not been humbled by life or learned its necessary limitations; moreover, their hopeful disposition makes them think themselves equal to great things – and that means having exalted notions. They would always rather do noble deeds than useful ones: Their lives are regulated more by moral feeling than by reasoning – all their mistakes are in the direction of doing things excessively and vehemently. They overdo everything — they love too much, hate too much, and the same with everything else.”
(Aristotle)

“The world is passing through troublous times. The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as if they knew everything, and what passes for wisdom with us is foolishness with them. As for the girls, they are forward, immodest and unladylike in speech, behaviour and dress.”
(Peter the Hermit in A.D. 1274)

“I see no hope for the future of our people if they are dependent on frivolous youth of today, for certainly all youth are reckless beyond words… When I was young, we were taught to be discreet and respectful of elders, but the present youth are exceedingly wise (disrespectful) and impatient of restraint.”
(Hesiod, 8th century BC)

“The children now love luxury; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise. Children are tyrants, not servants of the households. They no longer rise when their elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize over their teachers.”
(Commonly attributed to Socrates by Plato)

Incidentally if you’re curious I don’t profess to be an expert on Greek philosophy, ask me a question about Socrates! And I’ll tell you the guy was a medical doctor, who smoked 20 cigarettes a day and played football for Brazil at the 1978 World Cup.

A fun read don’t you think? Especially ‘Peter The Hermit’s’ thoughts on girls of today……….. my guess is he didn’t have daughters or perhaps he should have got out a little more often!

A. Shepherdson 2018

So MOMS do you consider yourself MILF?

A fun mild adult post with themes prompted by the current heatwave sweeping the UK, turns out my suggestion has come true, middle aged women in my home City have thrown caution to the wind and ditched their bras and I’m not being sexist remember, the older woman has found enough inner confidence to go braless and I’m NOT complaining.

Link to An open apology to women not wearing bras.

Perhaps I ought to say if you’re an adult who doesn’t understand what MILF stands for…….……… then lol perhaps this isn’t the post for you.

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Anne Bancroft in The Graduate

When I sat down to write this post I thought to myself I so SO hope a few Moms are reading, now I understand ladies you are never going to comment and reply but lol I’ll ask anyway, if you are a woman of more mature years reading this post, I’m curious to know have you ever stopped and asked yourself am I a ‘MILF?’

Mom I’d Like to F#ck?

But hold on before disappearing rather disgusted by my all to personal question, I’ll have you know MILF is an affectionate phrase because we men all love sexy older women……….. nothing wrong in admitting human beings are sexual mammals. AND hold on before answering because this anacronym is applied to a very particular type of older woman, she has to be sexually attractive to young men 17-21yrs! And I’d go as far as to say most teenage boys will have had a crush on a friend’s Mom or School teacher at some point, a childhood fantasy and nothing else.

I know I did, age 14 my first love was Miss Aspley my massively boobed Physics School Teacher! A lovely woman and :/ the sobering thought is she’s probably no longer with us time moving on and all, but jeeze they must have been Double D’s at least!

Anyways that’s quite enough of talk of boobs or you’ll be giving me a #METOO tongue lashing 😀 .

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Dustin Hoffmann’s iconic line, “are you trying to seduce me Mrs Robinson?”

So what prompted this silly post rather than part 2 of my London daytrip? Well the reason quite simply is the post isn’t ready (needs polishing) but not to worry………. hmm I’ll publish it this Friday.

Streaming into my computer the other night courtesy of amazon prime I watched ‘The Graduate’ a movie I haven’t seen in years, actually I’d quite forgotten how great it is, no not great ‘The Graduate’ is a cinematic classic and I really enjoyed myself. I’ll spare you my own film review because you’ll all know the story of an older woman seducing a college graduate and if you have yet to watch then I heartedly urge you to, the screenplay is crisply paced, Simon and Garfunkel’s music fits beautifully and afterward I thought to myself’ I don’t think Dustin Hofmann has ever bettered his screen performance as Benjamin Braddock a very shy innocent young virgin!

And of course as all good films usually are, The Graduate is based on a novel by the same name, funny how great movie screenplays are inspired by great novels, all the special effects in the world can’t save a movie if the storyline is crap!!

At this point I’m wishing my readers are screaming “SAY SOMETHING ABOUT ANNE BANKCROFT FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!” And yes Anne Bancroft is utterly devine, her portrayal as sexy seductress Mrs Robinson is truly iconic, perhaps unusual for its time an older woman seducing a college boy rather than the roles being reversed and I’d say Anne will forever be the poster lady for the anachronym MILF………….. the personification of older woman sexiness and sensuality, because what Anne lacks in youth she more than makes up for with her skills of seduction, hmm would the movie get made today with thoughts of creepy Weinstein and the like? I’d hope so because she doesn’t rape him.

So returning to my post’s premise MILF is far from being a disgusting term (here in the UK anyway) in conversation we men will endearingly use the phrase to describe a sexy older woman, a confident woman of such experience and aged eroticism that she’ll appeal to older teenagers! Hmm I wonder if the older woman wishes this could happen to them in real life?

So any Moms/Mums reading, do you consider yourself MILF? (I’d 😀 guess no one answers.)

A. Shepherdson 2018