Facemask lingerie……… or what to do with used PPE

So my question for today is, “could you pull this look off?”

Or then again the phrase ‘ingenuity is the mother of all invention’ comes to mind.

Pulling this look off depends on boob size I guess, if you’re an A size bra cup (possibly a AA) like Rianne Meijer above then you’ll have little to worry about, they’ll neither jiggle or bounce whilst she walks however larger endowed ladies of a certain age may struggle, and regrettably real life takes its toll, after a lady has nursed her offspring they’ll sag a little no doubt pendulously swinging from side to side, I’m not being disrespectful mind! I think it’s wonderful mothers breastfeed their babies, nurturing them with warm milk so they’ll grow healthy and cognitive with strong bones oh and a little sweet tasting as I’m reliably informed.

Yes I said sugary sweet but note I’ve never tasted………… unfortunately 😦 .

Many many months ago I commented a mummy blogger as to the taste of her breastmilk and she replied lol ‘a little sweeter than cows milk Andrew’, well you gotta ask haven’t you. Anyways before I (don’t) meander into my love of women’s breasts yet again (yawn)…….. what was I chatting about? Oh yes question for the day ‘could you pull-off a bra look made from disposable face masks’ and I’ve concluded the smaller boobed lady could but breastfeeding mothers and bustier ladies may struggle, I guess if you’re of a high round firm B cup maybe C you’ll be ok, but D’s and DD+ may be light on support but omg for us guys the results would make for spectacular viewing as they bounced their unsupported jig beneath tight fitting jersey’s.

The Dutch influencer I’m sharing above has been slammed online after fashioning a bikini from old facemasks, Rianne Meijer shocked and offended her Instagram followers (well there’s a surprise lol) by wearing a bikini fashioned from yes facemasks, and all I can add is I admire her results, disposable mask material is designed to concertina outwards covering a human animals nose mouth and chin, and looking at Rianne’s AA cup boobs her facemasks appear to cover and support beautifully………. and don’t you think azure blue is such a flattering colour on a woman and the matching knickers are a work of art! 😀

You didn’t know this but one of my more useless life skills is guessing, correctly I might add, a woman’s correct bra size, yep I’ll look at her pair of boobs and can tell you if she’s an A cup B C or DD whatever, a talent honed from my lifetime’s gazing at women’s breasts but that’s a whole other on-line posting, 😀 .

I have a social media theory I’ve touched on before. When followers reply comments like these below Rianne’s posting:

Why you waste masks like that?” One person wrote, while another simply said: “Just no.”

“What a waste of PPE,” another person commented, with another saying: “You are so great & I love your content usually. But wasting masks is not something that should be advertised.”

But come on are they actually disgusted? Are they really deeply offended? Or are they just making their voice heard and trying to provoke a reaction? I’d guess the second, they’ll comment and click the send button and being as the youth of today have the concentration timespan of a goldfish, seconds later they’ll ‘swipe’ to another Tweet or Instagram photo and dream up some other pithy humorous offended reply hoping that others like and share, it’s only the 5% of nasty bullying Trolls who are in truth angry and that’s a reflection of their personalities in real life……….. I blame the frigging media, it’s their fault these harmless ‘offended’ replies are taken seriously, for heaven’s sake why does the BBC share a selection of Tweets written by G list celebrities beneath a serious News story? I neither care for these musicians and soap actors opinions and as I said before, they’re NOT that offended anyway.

Returning to beautiful sexy Rianne, what I say is lighten up, at the least the young lady is upcycling disposable facemasks into brand new bra’s, as we know mask plastic fabric is unrecyclable ending it’s useful life discarded and thrown in City streets across the globe, or heartbreakingly it’s elastic straps entwined around a birds feet or sucked into dolphins and whales stomachs 😦 , jeeze we invent these wonderful products yet don’t think about what to do with them when used and the affect on nature is upsetting.

So for heavens sake lighten up with the criticism I say, now if every girl fills her knicker draw with bras fashioned from old facemasks then just imagine the positive affects for our environment, so I’ve a suggestion for all you ladies out there, whether A or DD cup go to your bedroom and lock the door, seat yourselves before your vanity mirror, carefully construct a bra from facemasks, strip naked topless and put on the delicate to admire the effect……… and why not start a movement and POST THE PICTURES ON YOUR INSTAGRAM!

A. Shepherdson 2021

(Remember I have the utmost respect for women who have breastfed their babies and would NEVER make fun at their expense.)

I’m in LOVE with women’s breasts, but why?

#Just For Fun

Research the internet asking the reasons why men are so obsessed with a lady’s boobs (I have been and I am lol) one fact’s for sure, Scientists have never satisfactorily explained men’s curious breast fixation, for all the cultural emotional and ‘weird’ theories, no one can really explain why I am so obsessed by this certain part of a female’s physique.

Jeeze where to begin with YET another lady’s breast themed posting, there’s been SO many over this past two years, many true tales of happy times spent fondling adorable women’s breasts, shared anecdotes after having been busted, caught unawares gazing fixated by plunging cleavage, captivated by small boobs or fulsome milky bags of fat drooping from a woman’s chest…………. but why on earth why? This requires further introspection!

Disclaimer, I blog for fun! Bosom postings amuse and entertain my boy-child sensibilities but yes I agree this isn’t for everyone 🙂

So where to begin?

To be honest I’ve given up on my Holy Grail quest to seek out the definitive reason why (because none exists) though I am seriously perplexed, so where better place to start than research 3 fun facts lifted from the internet……. I’m trusting they’re not fake.

A Canadian biologist called ‘Bruce Bagemihl’ noted several primate species, including humanity’s close relative the ‘bonobo’, have been observed stimulating their own nipples while masturbating. (Err hold on, I’m not interested why women gain pleasure playing with their tits.)

Fun fact 2

A study was done on 66 Englishmen who were hungry also 58 who had just eaten, and surprise surprise, the hungry men preferred bigger boobs compared to the ones who had just eaten (that goes someway to explaining the comfort and nurture theory.)

Fun fact 3

And to this one I can 100% attest, “Boys don’t learn in the playground that breasts are something that they should be interested in. It’s biological and deeply engrained in our brain,” write’s an expert lol in his book.

He goes onto say, “In fact, research indicates that when we’re confronted with breasts, or even breast-related stimuli, like bras, we’ll start making bad decisions” so yes I agree, we men are biologically drawn to breasts and I guess due to sexual imagery in TV advertising as a young child, I was trained in my informative years to find them erotic, learned to view boobs as sexually attractive whether that be long and pendulous, or pointy perky hemispherical tits………….. I’ve fondled a fair few pairs in my life time and to be completely honest, large or small the size of her breasts (as long as they’re real!) Doesn’t actually matter, though if pushed for preference I do love squidgy slightly saggy and pendulous.

Confused? I am, though I’m leaning towards nature nurture and biological to explain away my WordPress’s boob obsession, cue another piece of expert analysis lifted from the to be trusted ‘HuffPost’:

Two researchers (you really don’t require their names do you!) Believed that the male attraction to a pair of boobs goes beyond being: 

‘a good, full cleavage indicates to a man that a woman is in good health and an excellent choice to bear and raise his children’, a boy’s love of boobs develops in childhood, when a mother breastfeeds her child, the infant becomes the most important thing in the world, and during breastfeeding a bonding chemical Oxytocin is also released into the mother’s milk and consumed by the baby. A biological bonding takes place, makes nursing a feel-good experience for mother and child and it forges a very important bond between the two.’

“This bond is not only the most beautiful of all social bonds, it can also be the most enduring, lasting a lifetime,” wrote the authors.

“Essentially then, when a man sees, touches or massages a woman’s breasts, it sparks the same series of brain events as nursing – the feel good chemical is released in the man’s brain and he is drawn to the breasts because subconsciously he remembers the feel-good experience of nursing as a child. Any interaction between a man and a pair of boobs then helps to bond a man to his female other half.”

One glaring problem with this theory is, my mother didn’t breastfeed me!…….. I don’t know this for 100% sure having never asked my mother! But I’m reliably reminded she used the formula ‘Cow and Gate’ brand. So yes I wasn’t breastfed though I’m utterly convinced my captivation can be attributed to nature and biology programming me that way, and I’d suggest watching many hours of TV as a child trained me to appreciate breasts sexually.

Now I’ll share with you my earliest recollection of seeing a pair of REAL boobs for the first time! That’s such an easy one to answer, and it wouldn’t have been from the television because when I was a child Britain had only 3 terrestrial TV channels and one of those would have been dedicated to the arts! Not forgetting back in the day we had a very strict ‘watershed’ with anything vaguely adult only being broadcast after bedtime, if ever!

Close my eyes and I see a young lady jogging toward my 8 year old self as if viewing a home movie from my childhood, there I am sat just inside the opening of a campsite tent whilst holidaying as a cubscout, and this’ll be the only image of a fun weekend spent with 30 other young boys I’ll remember. Although I do recollect she was one of our Leader’s wives, alas her face is lost in the midst’s of time but I do remember her as youthful and pretty and I certainly cannot remember if she saw me crouched watching.

So yes picture my childhood vision running through a grassy field toward me, wind blowing her auburn hair and wearing a blue cotton blouse with only the top buttons holding both flaps closed, when for one fleeting second a combination of her half stumbling through rough ground, perhaps a girlish jump in the air caught with a strong breeze in her face, the wind capturing her untethered flaps of fabric blowing them upwards and open, to reveal yes a flash of two underboobs, no nipples mind, just the pink profile of her two lower fulsome breasts for she wore no bra! Who knows why? Perhaps she was jogging towards the showers having left the delicate in her tent!

So there you, over 40 years later close my eyes and I see my scout mistresses’ boobs and that’s my earliest childhood recollection. Fabulous! Who needs the internet to corrupt young minds?

Lol returning to why we men love breasts ❤ .

Ever heard of the website turnaroundyourlifenow.com? I hadn’t either but of the many top 10 reasons why men love boobs, I’m going to share their list below or perhaps go read the original at https://turnaroundyourlifenow.com/top-10-reasons-why-men-are-attracted-to-breasts/

Here are 10 probable reasons why, as a woman, you might catch me looking at your chest rather than your face.

1. Breasts Are Great to Look At

Men love looking at the breasts for the very reason that they are great to look at. Whether they are small or big, breasts are one of the first things a man sees in a woman.

Though it is offensive, but men can’t resist taking a peek!

(Hmm offensive? That’s as maybe, but of the many times I’ve been caught peeking or gazing in the street I’ve only ever been smiled at, never received a harsh word.)

2. Breasts Add Grace and Poise

Breasts are one of the few body parts which are curvaceous. Men don’t have any curves on their bodies, which makes being hard and straight a sign of masculinity.

On the other hand, curviness is a symbol for womanhood which adds grace and poise to the way a woman carries herself.

3. Breasts Represent Fertility

Since a long time back, it has been believed that men are attracted to women who are healthy and are able to reproduce.

Breasts are a sign of fertility as they portray the notion that the woman would be able to bear children as well as nourish them.

4. Breasts Offer Visual Stimulation

One of the main differences between men and women is that men are stimulated visually. They get ‘turned on’ just by looking at a woman’s body. Firm and perky breasts catch the attention of every man wherever a woman goes and stimulates him visually.

(Hmm now I’m reminded of an anecdote a colleague retold me at work one day, when he first met his wife to be in a pub she said to him….. “would you please stop staring at my tits!” Lol I’ve nothing to add 😀 .)

5. Breasts Are the Key to Second Base

Most men don’t know about this but those who do use it to their advantage. The breasts are the key to second base as they are located close to the libido.

Fondling and playing with them leads to sexual arousal. (This is one of the major reasons why men love breasts!)

6. Breasts Lead to Great Foreplay

Breasts are a crucial part of foreplay. In fact, foreplay is incomplete without a little fondling, sucking or kissing on the breasts.

Apart from the breasts, there is little else a man could play with before the actual act.

7. Breasts Are Nice to Touch

They are soft and supple, tempting men to grab them.

Men love how the breasts feel in their hands. While some of them can get wild and start twitching the nipples, most men are gentle with breasts, holding them with love and care.

(Never a truer word was written, the moment a lady removes her bra and allows me to fondle, my touch is as delicate as handling a piece of fine China!………. Err except later when she’s riding me cowgirl and I’m squeezing so hard I can feel pointy hard nipples pressing into my palms.)

8. Breasts Are Mysterious

From the moment a guy sees a girl her breasts become a source of mystery for him. He spends most of his time thinking about and visualizing what hides beneath the clothing. Until he gets to actually see them, the mystery is a cause of intrigue for him.

9. No Cleavage without Breasts

The cleavage is perhaps the best sight a man could want to see. Low-cut tops or dresses that show a little too much at the top are highly attractive for men.

Without breasts, there would be no cleavage, so men love the whole package.

10. Breasts Are Comforting

For some reason, men find breasts comforting. They love resting their heads on them. The very sight of them can make their bad mood disappear.

In fact, there has been a study which shows that men who get to see breasts for at least 15 minutes a day live longer and healthier!

I’ll not disagree with any of those reasons because well, all I do know for whatever reason whether that be cultural biological learned whether that be ‘nature or nurture’, I’m captivated by a woman’s breasts! So have I answered my titled question? Yes and no but then again after surfing the internet this afternoon, strikes me whether you are an ‘expert’ or women’s magazine columnist, no one can truly explain the male obsession with a ladies boobs!

And finally! I’ll leave you with a bra comment written by a lady on one of my previous blog postings, and I do so love reading boob perspectives from a lady! (And NO I’m not divulging either her name or which of the 289 postings).

‘I hate bras… I wear them to work because, work.
I wear them if I’m ‘in public’ and the temperature is ‘normal’ for the U.K.
when I get home the bra comes off. Literally as I put my bag down, shoes off, bra off. And often it doesn’t go back on again.
I wear a lot of dresses in summer, without underwear- at all. If the temperature goes above 20°c the bra comes off.

If I see men looking at my breasts I make eye contact & smile & walk on. Sometimes I even laugh (I know, that’s mean but hey…’

A. Shepherdson 2020

Me video conferencing!

Working from home is the future they said, socializing and entertaining ourselves whether that be streamed movies or computer gaming will be how we occupy our spare time they said, and now the future’s arrived prematurely due to covid, many people are asking themselves ‘do I really want to live my life without real human beings?’ Now we have all this incarcerated free time many of us are missing the physical contact our workplace’s bring, whether that be ‘me’ people watching scantily clothed ladies on a commuter bus ride to work (simple pleasures but I love it so), or someone chatting about their family’s up and coming summer holiday to Greece, yes many of us are regretting the digital age’s grand finale, the realisation we now NO longer need to leave our homes!

Btw the media aren’t lying, I’ve seen so many more braless women this summer…cue a shallow excuse to show braless ‘mature ladies’ on my Blog. (In my opinion these completely useless garments of lingerie should be banned by law, spot fined if they’re seen in public, jail even unless removed! 😀 )

Anyways where was I? Oh yes on-line video conferencing.

I surreptitiously took our Teams photo earlier today midway through a meeting (via my mobile phone camera), and if you’re at all curious glance down to the bottom right hand corner, and you’ll see my face lol video linking from the comfort of my own living room…. 1940’s science fiction incarnated!

A simple example of how our workplaces have changed forever due to lockdown, no more travelling into Oxford by commuter bus each Friday, sitting around a table with these familiar work colleague’s faces a long ago memory, now I sit at my dining room table staring at a laptop computer screen for one hour (even more ridiculous I’m talking to a PC), and happily our interpersonal ‘dynamics’ haven’t changed since our last physical get together in March….. jeez that’s four months ago!

Even if workplaces do return to some sort of normality, many aspects of our lives will not, digital shopping has replaced walking into Town in person and I’ve lost count of the number of packages Amazon has delivered. Now we surf their ‘shop window’, pay digitally with a credit card and a very nice gentleman will deliver the package very next day and if you have Amazon Prime postage is completely free (no more queueing and buying car park tickets), in fact I’m struggling right now to remember the last time I used cash!

I Have to admit I’m missing the hustle and bustle of crowded city centers 😦 .

The future has arrived prematurely so say retail experts, cov-d-19 has accelerated the move to working also shopping from home, wander down your desolate High Street’s with all the closed business and realise many will never reopen and that’s so so sad. (Big sigh) that’s progress for you, but I cannot help wondering whether the social cost is worth the convenience of being able to buy on-line, globally million’s of shop workers will be thrown on the employment scrapheap, occupation’s consigned to history along with chimney sweeps and gas lamplighters walking darkened city streets flame in hand, now there’s a truly dangerous occupation!

A female colleague today commented lockdown is “sending me mad”, a sentiment I’ve heard said many times by different people, so has human progress taken us to the point where we’re prisoners living 24/7 in solitary confinement? Meals brought to our doorstep, social interaction via a TV monitor, amusing ourselves playing on-line computer games with complete strangers living in other countries, children being schooled from home, group fitness sessions with friends via zoom, we’ve now reached an actual point in human history where we have NO need to leave the house.

But I’d suggest this accelerated switch to digital living has caught people unawares, blown through our lives like a whirlwind with many of us our asking ourselves ‘do I really wish to live this way?’ Is isolation depression, the toll on our mental health really worth giving up the simple pleasure of wandering around department stores, perhaps meeting with friends in some quaint coffee shop, or experiencing strong winds and driving rain blown into our faces as we enjoy window shopping for things we’d love to buy one day.

Transport me back to the 1980’s please I’ve seen the future and I don’t like it!

A. Shepherdson 2020

The ‘button down boob gap’

“And here’s me thinking I knew everything there was to know about women’s fashion….. turn’s out I didn’t”

I have a female breast tale for you this evening and if you’ve not read this blog before you won’t know of my (healthy) breast obsession, oh how I adore those warm squidgy bundles of fun ❤️.

How-to-eliminate-button-gaps
Busty girl’s boobs create a wardrobe malfunction technically referred to as the ‘button down boob gap’…… well who’d have known?

As god is my witness, until researching this evening’s photos the phrase ‘button down boob gap’ was unknown to me, and here’s me assuming I knew everything there was to know about knickers bras and ladies lingerie, I’m a man of the world so how on earth did this phrase pass me by? For heaven’s sake there’s even a YouTube sewing video teaching women the tricks to avoiding this dreaded ‘peek-a-boob’ gap, and I’d suggest when a lady’s dressing of a morning or trying on a new blouse in a fashion shop fitting room, one thought will be on her mind….. ‘this blouse isn’t working you can still see my bra. ‘

Or for the more outspoken female readers amongst you….. ‘WTF! MY TITS ARE SHOWING!’ 

**************************************

The organisation I’m employed by has a new female employee, a lovely lady what’s more she suffers from a delightful busty girl problem, jeeze how much personal detail can I divulge without landing me in hot water, just imagine the hoo-hah this post could create if heaven forbid she actually read it!

Oh well not to worry ‘in for a penny in for a pound’ as they say…. 

I’ll be completely honest with you dear readers, the lady I’m about to describe just might not bare resemblance to our lady at work, many people to their cost upload info onto the internet, fail to forget those ghosts and lurkers reading your blog might well know you in person……..  oh yes! So with anonymity clearly in mind hopefully my co-worker wouldn’t couldn’t recognise herself, now there’s a satisfying conceit if she suspected.

So let’s begin, 9.00am prompt last Friday morning, seated around an expansive meeting room table picture an assortment of professional men and women ranging from age 23-65, quite a demographic spread with the majority a male orientation, incidentally there’s a fair few cross dressing ‘trans people’ floating around our department but that’s a whole different blog post……. without googling does trans mean they’ve had their testicles removed? Or would that be transvestite?… God knows I’m too old to care.

Keep on message Andrew. You need to appreciate these weekly conferences are sooo boring, attendance is compulsory and so we’re told ‘essential’ but the jury’s out and I’m still to be convinced. Just so as you know, this table I’d liken to Christ’s final supper with the important Holy One keeping this tiresome charade in track. Now for the sex interest, seated to our messiah’s left sits his trusting secretary and just so as you know I’m in turn seated at right angles to this age 50 lady…… picture the scene, common you can work it out!

I’m an extra within this tiresome pantomime, my place is listen not to speak and mentally take notes for the following weeks tasks, so there I sat reclining back in my cushioned chair, facing the Holy One but three metres away, then omg several minutes in my attention’s suddenly drawn to our secretary’s ample bosom, a fine looking woman let’s call Clementine shall we. The first fleeting thrill of a Friday morning is her entrance for she wears age appropriate short dresses in summer, pleated skirts and sheer black stockings in winter, and believe me the penis anticipates her choice of hemline, now here’s a thought how many others are dreaming of sexual relations with sweet Clementine? 

Absentmindedly listening to these lovely yet rather self important individuals is boring, but realising there’s a subplot, people vying for good favour can be entertaining and oh yes there’s plenty of bs! I invariably spend the entire meeting quietly people watching for if truth be told my presence is invisible to these intellectual superstars. Hopefully unaware, my eyes darted around the room often returning to gaze at Clementine’s bosom, a busty lady today wearing a buttercup yellow ‘button down blouse’ and floral skirt…… I’ve changed the colours but lol you guessed that anyway.

Studiously writing and scribbling down notes, a concentrated gaze never broken from her sheet paper minutes, time to time Clementine paused all the while listening intently to God’s weary sermon, she’d look up, then recline again to her prim up-right position, and omg it’s then I noticed as this lady’s blouse floated back and forth, a gaping hole appeared between the blouse buttons shrouding her bosom……. that caught my attention I can tell you!

Jeeze, I’d sell my soul for a squeeze and suck of her tits.

Now, I’m safe in the knowledge this lady’s most important weekly task is to take notes then later disseminate via email to present attendees, I’m safe then, she’s now dutifully employed and I’m captivated watching her large at a guess DD breasts, btw a fantasy induced wet dream of mine is to bend her over that table, pull her knickers down and thrust my penis from behind, but again that’s a whole other blog post.

Just so as you know I’m safe in the knowledge Clementine’s unfazed by my wicked attention, with breasted torso rocking back and forth, a small window would appear revealing yes her right breast, a pale pink blush in colour nestling within a padded half cup of white fabric, delicately cushioned, absent of frilly lace and a little grey having seen the inside of many a washing machine tub.

Yes Clementine this Friday morning suffered a wardrobe malfunction created by a combination of faulty blouse design and very large tits, massive boobs that today naturally separated resting to Clem’s sides and a half cup bra that was at a guess a touch tooo loosely fitting, ‘omg’ I thought to my self.. ‘ you’re showing an awful lot of skin’…. definitely not a Wonderbra.

My penis hardened regularly last Friday morning half gazing through Clementine’s button down boob gap, incidentally throughout my lifetime a vision I’ve clocked many occasions before, and I’m wondering now whether I’ll watch her erotic clothing performance ever again. For twenty minutes I half gazed at her right curvacious boob, half expecting a nipple areola to appear, I’m telling you now I was half expecting a rim of chocolate brown to pop out, my guess is yes, from my experience big breasted women with pendulous drooping breasts empty if milk after suckling several babies are expansive and brown, yep my educated knowledge tells me Clem’s areola wasn’t far off from revealing a nip slip….. oh well perhaps that joyous experience reveals itself another Friday morning. 

I guess my only concern is one of feminine intuition, she studiously takes notes gazing thoughtfully toward the table, but is Clementine aware of piercing eyes gazing through her blouse ‘button down boob gap’? Truly scrumptious, who’d have guessed this phenomenon has a name, I didn’t!

A. Shepherdson 2020

Algorithms & Wonderbra’s

#Tongue ‘firmly’ in cheek.

WordPress Statistics baffle me! How can a post written Sep 2018 be so popular today? 

After 2+ years, 2 blogs and writing 375+ posts A Woman’s Cleavage (a cautionary tale) is my most viewed ever! Bar none! And the past 4 months alone have been 33, 43, 43 and 39 (and still with 4 days to go!)

It’s baffling…. a mystery and I just don’t understand why? Why aren’t ALL my posts THIS popular, what happened to my favourite My neighbour IS a Stripper!

But lol dooo you care?

demean or empower
Omg! ❤

Screenshot from my blog

I am an occasional reader of Blog statistics, carefully peruse and scrutinize my popularity, it’s a boy thing, numbers matter, size matters I guess God hard wired us that way!🙄

Read More »

On the 87th day God created cleavage

I must admit I’ve been in two minds whether to publish yet another boob tale (said that before!) Blogger Lesley kluchin won’t be impressed and I don’t blame her, of all the lovely readers to reply Lesley isn’t adverse to giving Andrew’s virtual ass a written spanking, several occasions tooo, I love them!! I fear my sexist tales understandably challenge the lady’s mommy sensibilities also school teaching values and quite right tooo……… Still, Lesley’s a good looking woman for her age, just shows a woman can still be sexually appealing at age70😘 . (Btw she wasn’t offended when I wrote that because I’m a nice guy.)

Ok I’ve a breast obsession! I adore sucking caressing licking and gazing in wonderment, what more can I say? 😀

872850497
Ladies be watchful of peering eyes looking down from on high

Seems an age since I’ve affectionately ‘objectified’ a woman’s body on this WordPress.

Omg summer’s finally arrived with a vengeance and Oxford city is crowded with (age appropriate) young ladies wearing fewer than usual, there’ll be micro cotton dresses revealing milk white thighs, hem lines sooo short that on a guy’s lucky day he’ll glimpse ‘cushions’ of knicker gusset captured in the breeze, and just imagine but for this soft delicate fabric I might see kitty lips moistened and glistening against the sunlight! The problem is I have to keep in mind I’m old enough to be their father if not older!!

Btw this has happened, I’m not complaining ladies but watch the skirt length for heavens sake my heart isn’t as young as it used to be! Or with the advent of #METOO am I deemed sexist for looking and enjoying?

Do you wish to know why I enjoy riding double decker commuter buses in sunny weather? (You know you want to 😀 ) I’ll sit beside a top deck window waiting for my evening’s ride to pull away from the pavement, with a forearm propped upon a window-sill I’ll gaze down at delectable University students (age18) and pretty female shoppers walking past, their animated laughter and chatter a joy to behold, better still and you just know what I’m going to share with you next, more often than not when hot summer days arrive, so do tight fitting tee shirts with plunging necklines and ample boobage jiggling their own merry dance.

And because I’m seated peering down from up on high I’ll watch out for the colour of their bras as they walk on by, and if fortunate I’ll see pastel blouses with their collars open and top buttons undone, omg it’s fabulous to be alive when gazing at milk white boobs nestling comfortably within cups of various sizes, and working down the alphabet from an A cup to a DD, on a REALLY lucky day and this only happens once in a while mind, when the angle of eyeline is correctly aligned and her cups are larger in size, then I have been known to coup d’œil a small brown nipple or two.

Now that we’re on the subject of ladies’ nipples and keeping in mind their SOLE function in life is so that a baby can latch on and drink mums’ creamy goodness so they’ll grow up healthy a strong, yum yum big deal………………..

(Ahh I’ve just had an idea! I’ve some ‘breastfeeding in public’ opinions that I’ll leave for another day 🙂 )

ERR where was I? Oh yes tales of peering down ladies’ blouses! Yikes could I get into trouble doing this?

However this sexy street theatre doesn’t last forever as our gruff diesel engine rumbles into life, alas my down blouse performance is over for another day 😦 that’s until I descend the upper deck stairs and I share this thought with you quite truthfully, again when luck is on my side (lotta luck required in my life, keep up!) A BIG breasted young lady has been seen standing waiting ready to get off, I’m hovering above looking directly down, and no word of a lie, a balconette bra separating two perfectly shaped breasts with her belly button clearly in view. 

🙂 Btw she appeared like a vision one hot summer’s day last year, 😀 so ladies be aware!

c-in-gallery-deep-cleavages-and-downblouses-in-candid-street-picture-uploaded-by-tugafap-on-imag-1427279913n8g4k-700x687
I’m curious, does a woman’s sixth sense tell her when a guy or girl is taking a little more interest than perhaps they should be?

Incidentally this saucy nonsense flows easily when I’m sexually aroused, why not try it yourselves dear readers? I should add the knicker gusset aided by the lifting skirt breeze scenario happened last August! Happy days 🙂 .

(Two ‘borrowed’ stock images which are NOT my own!)

A. Shepherdson 2019

An open apology letter to women not wearing bras!

My first (and only) Reblog.

This post has been viewed more than any other on my WordPress, it’s also a (firm) favourite of mine and preludes my up and coming new post titled ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage’.

Btw women’s boobs are both a favourite and reoccurring theme of mine 😀 and always respectfully written. ❤

Blogging Thoughts Photos & Life

‘Strap’ yourselves in this is a LONG one! 😀

Early evening thoughts with MILD adult themes…………. honest and respectful as always (comment if you’ve had your fill of my female sexual observations and objectification of the female human animal’s body)………….. my imagination I fear is out of control 7 o’clock at night, I’m incorrigible, my hardness is excited and twitching hence I write because these posts are fun and keep me interested when WordPress feels a lonely place……… 123 ahhh 😀

Does anyone honestly think this photo below is offensive? 

public-braless-4A question for you, why is the female breast nipple such a big deal for a guy? And I’d agree with you ladies who say nipples shouldn’t be, after all they have one purpose in life to allow a nursing baby to latch onto the breast and drink mum’s milky goodness, big f#cking deal? Then babes grow into healthy toddlers…

View original post 1,461 more words

‘Join me on this journey’ into Women’s Bras

Loney-Lingerie-campaign-using-older-model-9
I chose this photograph because She’s a fine looking woman 🙂

‘Not a lot of people know this’ (a Michael Caine quote), but according to WordPress Statistics each and every single week, no less than forty-six occasions throughout this May alone! One particular post written by me June 19 2018 has been viewed from right across the Globe, and studying said statistics as I’m prone to do whenever bored, I can also tell you ‘that post’ is also my most viewed EVER!!!

I’m truly grateful and genuinely humbled btw.

Now I’m neither bragging or showing off, certainly not lauding this my original piece of writing as a gem of modern literature, (f#ck no), in fact I’m rather surprised this one is the most popular of all 190! So after a protracted prolonged build up I can tell you Andrew’s most viewed post is:

‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

So there you, in some respects I’m unsurprised a bra post is number one because internet aficionados tell us 90% of internet traffic is sex themed, not to worry though I’m rather chuffed and why not.

Two reasons for this evening’s ‘Blog’. Several day ago the fabulous LA of wakingupthewrongsideof50 noticed a blogging phenomena I’d not really thought about until then, I’ll quote in her own words,

‘Bloggers that gave up quickly: I noticed a pattern among them. Almost every one of them used the phrase “Join me (us) on this journey”. I have now decided that those words are the bloggers kiss of death. If you write these words on your first blog you are not going to survive.

Why?

As I have not done a research study on this, I can only give you my humble (?) opinion. When you use the word “Join” you are specifically writing to an audience. You expect that people will listen. Bad expectation.’

LA’s Join Me on This Journey post has itself become very popular amongst blogging readers because as she goes on to say, ‘anyone who has written for WordPress knows you blog for yourself’, with all your heart and soul you want to be read, to have followers, to be liked, to be commented and replied to, however writing for an audience is not the reason you blog.

Sadly (and yes I genuinely mean sadly) if you set tooo higher expectations of yourself, write with the expectation hundreds of people will read, then I’m afraid this will only make you unhappy because apart from a lucky minority (who work very hard btw) fame and popularity will pass you by. 😦 A sad truth and only ONE of many reasons why you have to write for yourself, though take heart people will eventually read and follow your writing journey.

I said two reasons. I’ll come to said second in a Mo!

I wrote ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras’ (did I tell you this is my most viewed ever?) For no other reason than I had an absolute blast possibly because it’s the type of post that gets me sexually aroused. Anyways I blogged this many months ago and ever since publishing week by week people across the Globe people have viewed (finger’s crossed enjoyed), and if there is a moral to this story then it’s write for yourself, embrace the creative process and whatever transpires is a welcome bonus.

Oh yes reason number two for this evening’s post! Well I have written yet another bra themed tale featuring women’s boobs and cleavage, which in turn gave me the reason idea to reblog ‘An open apology……….’ and why not ablogfromtheuk is my very own WordPress.

Tomorrow: ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

Sunday: ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage.’

A. Shepherdson 2019 

‘Gemma’s wet kitty’ (NSFW)

NSFW-Slider-September

Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!

6b7be35e-79ac-46b3-ae0f-a6b8cf69f884

Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’

Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?

I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,

“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”

m

And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.

So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!! 

But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,

“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”  

“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.

And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!

‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’

However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.

Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.

I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.

And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,

“Oh yes……(insert 3 seconds)……. oh yes…………….. oh yes……….….. oh yes………….”

Pausing as a pink wet tongue appears through parted lips, only to be circled and licked back into her mouth before she returns to her metronomic soft encouragement,

“…..oh yes……..…….. oh yes……..….. oh yes…………….. don’t stop………….. oh yes……..…”

And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?

Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’ 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 

Body image, Boob chat and Breast lumps

My earlier post Racist Britain rather depressed me, so I thought why not cheer myself up and write about women’s boobs, and as you know I love women’s boobs!

Oh dearie me how an earth am I going to try and explain this one away (however before reading remember I both respect women and adore their boobs) well all I can say is you will have your own opinions by the end! 🙂

maxresdefault
Did you know there’s a website teaching artists how to draw breasts? I know you didn’t but just goes to show you’ll discover anything on the internet if you lol look hard enough!

I could dedicate a whole blog to the human female breast, no I’m not joking I could honestly! But I would NEVER post photographs on the internet neither would I ever make fun of a woman for a reader’s amusement, most definitely not, I would be positive and respectful because I am a decent well mannered guy who adores women, in fact I’m in awe of these delicious delectable gorgeous creatures I don’t understand them mind you and there lies my insecurities. 

Btw just so as you know I am a feminist.

My breast blog (hypothetical) would be informative positive, neither salacious or kinky but yes I could be guilty of sexualising breasts however anything I’d write would be body image positive and written all because I’m obsessed fascinated by a lady’s breasts, :/ hmm perhaps a little tooo much? 

(Everyone these days seems to suffer from questionable personality traits, I have AvPD but does a disorder exist for breast obsessions if so I have a feeling I’m afflicted, seriously!)

Breast-Variation-600x338
Note I’m NOT being disrespectful to women, I’d guess it’s essential (male) artists understand how to draw breasts properly. 

You’ll be relieved to read I won’t be writing a breast themed blog!

Jeeze that’s a lengthy introduction to my tale AND I haven’t started yet.

I’ve enjoyed naked sexual fun and games with many women in my lifetime, ages range from 19 to 48, (though Karina told fibs, I’m sure she’s 55 years but a gent never asks does he!) And as you’d imagine all twenty-five ladies were gifted with very different breasts, large or small, pert or saggy, high and round, firm or squidgy, empty and drooping, not to worry I loved them all! Imagine a boob size and shape well I guess I’ve squeezed one…………….. and don’t get me started on sucking nipples or I’ll be here all evening.

(Note Karina for the purposes of this tale isn’t the lady’s real name but I like the name so Karina she is, perhaps one day I’ll write the tales of how I came to meet these women but for now I prefer not to.)

So yes in my lifetime I’ve squeezed many pairs of unenhanced natural, as God intended, human female breasts and gorgeous they were to, and truthfully each time I near fainted when they took their bras off, put it this way the reveal and drop is the definition of eroticism. But not until meeting Karina had I ever slept with a woman who’d implants in her breasts and to be honest I’m in two minds, still! On the one hand I’m okay with falsies because they were Karina’s life choice, she both paid for and loved them so that’s fine by me, enhanced plastic boobs helped her body image, calmed any insecurities and the shape and size made her happy so it doesn’t matter what I think does it.

If I were ask to take a guess I’d say she didn’t get them because men demanded them, OR maybe sublimely did she?🤔😯😕 Who knows either way I didn’t really like them but didn’t say!!

And yes laying beside Karina looking at her burgundy lace bra cupping high round breasts they did indeed look womanly fabulous, her bust profile was exquisitely proportioned to her slim body frame (not porn star pneumatic balloons, yuck no!) The implants suited her, gave her a feminine cleavage however after she’d leant forward, reaching her hands behind to unclip then tossing her intriguing lingerie to the beside chair, well after the moment of freeing those bundles of fun from their restraint they didn’t drop 😦 and I enjoy watching saggy boobs fall to above the belly button. Anyways only after first setting eyes on Karina’s falsies did two horizontal pink lines etched into her skin capture my gaze.

Yep you’ll have guessed (cause I’ve already said), those pink lines were in fact the result of a surgical blade slicing into her skin, 2″ long incisions through which silicon implants had been forced underneath her breast tissue in what must have been a brutal operation. 

Why an earth go under the knife? She could have died!

Now I’ve seen these breast implant operations on the TV and I liken them to meat butchery, horrendous, my Great Grandfather was an army meat butcher in World War One (close to Ypres) and I’d guess he lol could have been a surgeon in another life but I shouldn’t be disrespectful. Well enough to say her surgeon stitched the incisions together (a nice job) and once healed Karina was left with two red unsightly marks for the rest of her life……… hmm I’ll be honest I don’t agree with breast augmentation.

BUT she loved them both so who am I to judge, live and let live I say.

Well because I’m an inquisitive sort of guy, an engineer by trade, I spent the next quarter of an hour asking all manner of questions, prodding squeezing basically giving her my own unskilled type of breast examination and she was happy to teach. In fact she guided my hand with hers to a point above her left implant, I gently pressed and felt a hard 4mm sized circular lump under the skin, I near freaked out with the shock and Karina had a look of concern etched across her brow then she said,

“Don’t worry the lump’s not cancerous”.

Jeeze I don’t think I’ve received such a heart stopping shock before, she should have warned me of a hard lump because I hadn’t frigging expected it!! Karina then went on to explain a hospital biopsy had revealed the lump wasn’t cancerous but I think her broken Polish accent meant I missed the true reason in translation, however she assured me the implant hadn’t split which was my next worry. Suffice to say she was booked in to have surgery this ********* though I could see she was quite concerned………………. don’t you think it a shame that a woman has to endure surgery and silicon bags inserted under her skin to improve the way she sees her body? AND didn’t she understand men love boobs whatever the size and shape I guess not?

I felt disappointed that afternoon, Karina’s implants were firm hard and yes they gave her a perky profile, but I’d loved them to have to been squidgy and jiggle, pendulously swing when she moved just as God intended, so okay they were hard but after 5 minutes of sucking licking and caressing I overcame any doubts……………. well nearly all!

Anyways we both relaxed and began to enjoy each other’s bodies, we kissed passionately the womanly smell of her freshly showered skin passing my nostrils and just so as you know I’m not a great fan of bottled perfume because ladies naturally smell divine ❤ , I’ll choose the clean animal scent of a woman over manufactured smells every time…….. I’ll share no further details, you’re all sexual animals lol you 😉 understand many of the ‘positions’ naked lovers get up to in bed together, even with her dodgy knee! (She got out of bed at one point to click it back into position.)

Enough said, joking apart I learnt you should always see a Doctor if there’s something medically not right with your body.

tumblr_n38jwqQywO1twkucxo1_1280
Artists drawings of naturel breasts 

I’ll wrap up this post by saying Karina and I will see each other again and no doubt chat about her (our) health but I’ll leave any ladies reading with one thought. I’ve worked with many men, both young and old over the past thirty five years and I’ve yet to come across a guy who liked breast implants, and yes the subject has raised it’s head upon many occasions. Btw if you’re 🙂 curious my take is why bother putting yourself through major surgery if your identified sexual partner doesn’t like them? Discuss. 

There you are lol knowledge shared from me to you, we guy’s love ‘au naturel’ unenhanced breasts whatever their size shape and ‘squidgyness’ so ladies please don’t ever assume we don’t.

©A. Shepherdson 2018

 

Sexy Happy Endings!

Mildly adult themed (been a while since I’ve written an adult true tale) and hopefully a fun read!

************************************************

Now a message for any ‘classy ladies’ who may have read my post title and presumed ‘moi’ has written a tale about two people who fell in love and lived happily ever after, or maybe they’re imagining this is ‘moi’ reviewing a movie newly released at the cinema……… well if you did I’m afraid you’re wrong on both counts, which only leaves a third choice which one hundred percent of men will understand………….. having said all that medical doctors tell us masturbation (had you guessed) is the safest form of sex and more important good for one’s mental health and general well being………… and being serious for a second (for this is a serious post) I wholeheartedly agree pleasuring oneself lifts the spirits leaving you feeling satisfied and relaxed. 

couple-massage
Hmm wish I was as good looking as this young man, mind you that black bra looks familiar…… (Googled image!)

Incidentally Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus : ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I frigging paid her to do!

Btw my tale for you this evening is themed just for fun 🙂 . 

**********************************************

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few weeks ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

and when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”, Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black padded bra revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel. 

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I should admit at this point Dana’s isn’t the first intimate masseuse I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, one time several years ago I had a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

I know I said ‘cutting a long story short’, well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side,

followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!! 

 

©A. Shepherdson 2018

A woman’s Cleavage (a cautionary tale)

If a sober guy looks at your bosom, tell him to “please stop” and 98% will.

Candid-cleavage-and-downblouse-from-street-Part-7-3
Moments such as these are milestones a young boy will remember for the rest of his life

I have a brief tale to tell though before you ask, because I know you are curious! NO I didn’t take these lady’s photos, most definitely not but if you’re a prolific Google imager like myself then you never know what you will discover if you search hard enough.

😋 She fit’s my post!

🤔 Perhaps a cautionary tale though, goes to show ladies have to be very aware of men and their digital cameras, lean forward ‘snap’ and the boobs are on the internet!…………….. But not to worry, I’m using this lady both for a genuine reason and I’m assured she’s an anonymous D list celebrity? Hmm lol “I’m sayin nothin!”

Within my more thoughtful posts I have touched on the serious subject of sexual harassment, with the after #MeToo fallout very much in focus, well I have a true tale which I think throws up some interesting talking points.

Several weeks ago I was chatting to a young lad at work who said he’d been out drinking with three friends the evening before, turns out the sun was shining so all four were sat outside around a wooden table in the Pub’s garden…………. a very British pastime, every Public House will have it’s own small garden or terrace for patrons to enjoy.

So these four lads were quietly drinking beer at their table, all very civilised none were drunk or being rowdy or loud, they were I’m told chatting being sociable and having a laugh. All good fun and every so often a barmaid would visit their table for I guess empty glasses, take a bar food order or bring more drinks, then my friend tells me as the barmaid was leaning over their wooden table handing out pints of beer she said,

“Will you four stop trying to look down my blouse!”,

downblouse-bus-hot-girl
I’m age 52, and this scenario still happens to this day, and note the bottom left corner states this photo’s from the internet!!

He went on to give more clarity to his tale, she wasn’t p#ssed the lads and barmaid were on very friendly terms, their interactions were all proper and above board and I’d guess being as she was a barmaid and they were lads I’d guess there was plenty of flirting and light hearted banter, after she’d err told them to stop I’d guess knowing my work colleague there’d have been amused protestations such as,

😉 “WHAT me?” (His words). 

With ladles of wounded pride thrown in to good measure, and the way he shared his tale nothing more was said end of, certainly no Police were summoned or the Head Publican called to eject the lads from the premises, no the lady was quite aware they were peeking and for sure the lads were trying to glance down her open blouse…………….. I know for certain most men would!………. Now I realise ‘man hating lesbian feminists’ will disagree with what I am about to say,

“But don’t you think the barmaid handled the situation in exactly the right way?”

Btw I am also a feminist!

If she’d been getting increasingly tired of the lad’s furtive attention wasn’t warning the four 18yr teens enough? Yes the Pub garden is her very own workplace but there wasn’t any need to create a scene, the group and herself were all getting on fine, friendly and no doubt sexuality and the (adult) drinking atmosphere affected everyone’s behaviour, my friend saw the humour and the barmaid let it be known who was in charge……….. everyone had a giggle, the Pub didn’t lose four future paying customers and no scene or drama was created.

Ok I’d agree if you said my example of inappropriate behaviour is unique as every scenario will be, for one a drinking establishment barmaid won’t be any shrinking violet, she’d know exactly the right way to handle groups of leery lads who were overstepping the mark anyways you decide, I’ve met tiny barmaids who could eject fighting men just by a strength of personality.

Never argue with a p#ssed and angry woman, you’ll lose!!!

There of course could be an argument put forward by a certain British Police Commissioner that ladies should dress appropriately because short dresses can lead to unwanted attention, hmm who’s he blaming?

But I have a feeling the majority of right minded thinking adults agreed he was talking out of his arse and I’d hope his wife and daughters, if he had any, would have put him straight namely the fact a woman is assaulted isn’t her own fault, wear an open collared blouse if you wish AND I would add if a guy try’s to look down at your goodies, tell him to “get lost” or “please stop”.

And he will. Also.

If you’re in an underground train carriage and a guy attaches his grubby fingers to your ‘sweet lil ass’, tell him to “keep your hands to yourself!” And shout as loudly as you can so everyone else can hear you!

Confidence is key?

Okay I understand every case of sexual impropriety is different to another and further this blog isn’t a political platform only my own thoughts and observations, so what are mine?

For what it’s worth my own thoughts after hearing my colleagues Pub garden tale, was the barmaid handled herself correctly, the four decent hard working lads were warned and next time would hopefully be less obvious and take greater care when trying to look down a female’s open blouse!

No harm was done discuss!

Finally I’m here to say human beings are sexual animals, a woman will look at a man’s bulge in his trousers, a guy will look at a woman’s cleavage…………… you have to accept because that’s called ‘the way of the world’.

Early evening thoughts and now in comments tell me what you think please. 🤔

A. Shepherdson 2018

Beautiful Helen from across the road (erotica)

Click ‘here’ for ‘Beautiful Helen from across the road’ The Ending!!!

Boobs 4

I’m standing close behind the living room window gazing at my neighbour Helen across the road, but don’t worry she cannot see me I’ve got net curtains that’s why, and take note I’m not a curtain twitcher or a peeping Tom looking at what others are up to in their spare time. No it’s just people pass by and used to look through the window into my living room, so UP went the net curtain!

But watching Helen busying herself pottering around her front garden is different, and I’m not being nosey mind, certainly not because this is me time, a time to gaze and appreciate my beautiful neighbour from across the Road.

Helen’s an elegant young looking fifty year old, with a slim and slender body now crouching on the lawn facing me, one knee pressed into the grass, a trowel in hand weeding around the bases of her delightful and loved rose trees.

Every so often she’ll lean forward her pretty face a picture of concentration as her arms tug at stubborn dandelions the most invasive of plants, and I watch and wait for these very moments because invariably at the same time as her vigorous gardening the looping neck line of Helen’s baggy yellow blouse opens to reveal pendulous firm boobs waving from side to side. Then if I really concentrate my gaze I can just about see her nipples, large dark disks of areola they are, chocolate brown in fact now vividly contrasted against her milk white skinned boobs.

Omg there must be a particularly hard weed to pull out because she has to stand up bend forward and tug with all her slender might, and joy of joys the neck of her oversize blouse drapes further and opens even wider to reveal both breasts now swinging untethered by a tight fitting bra. Oh thank you Sweet Jesus for summer gardening days such as these!

A questioning thought suddenly crossed my mind, jeeze I pondered, Helen doesn’t half spend a long time weeding that same patch directly opposite me! Glancing down at my wrist watch, and now very shocked to see my neighbour in the early autumn days of her life hadn’t moved from weeding that single pink flowering rose tree for, I stared at the dial and quite taken aback I realised for the last ten minutes……… I physically gulped in shock! A cold shiver went down my spine, omg I thought to myself, ‘Helen knows I’m watching, my curtains aren’t blocking my voyeuristic playtime as well as I’d hoped and assumed.’

‘Holy f*ck!’ my brain momentarily in seizure, ‘jeeze what happens now’ I thought with beads of sweat forming on the skin of my brow, and all the time I rushed to let go of the shaft of my hardened penis, tugging at the elasticated hem of my boxer shorts, because yes I’d been masturbating whilst gazing at Helen’s pendulous swinging boobs with chocolate coloured nipples!

As you can imagine my mind’s in a state of excited panic, my heavy breathing isn’t only because I’d been caught watching, no minutes earlier I’d very nearly climaxed. creamy jizz soon to squirt into a white tissue held with the other hand, my excited hard shaft bucking and twitching about to shoot its load!

Yet more panic as I reached down to pull up my jeans and all this time Helen stood like an ashen faced manikin straight out of a teen horror movie, motionless, erect her face staring unnervingly straight at me through a net curtain more see through than I’d ever assumed!

‘What an earth happens now?’ I thought. ‘Does she run for her husband? Call the Police to arrest the peeping Tom from across the Road?’ A myriad of awful doom laden thoughts flashed past my mind as I finally zipped up my jean flies, my clothing now straight!

I felt my cheeks burning hot, cold droplets of perspiration trickling down my torso, my armpits now as warmed as all other erogenous parts of my body, then Helen did something so incredible, so close to unbelievable I nearly cannot write of the shock right here! Helen lifted her two arms, hands clasping the hem of her vivid yellow flouncy cotton blouse, only to pull the garment to first passing her waist, pause, then yet further still up and over her bosom so revealing two round breasts…………….. both approx a palmful therefore from experience I’d say a fulsome c cup.

So previously close to orgasm I nearly jizzed inside my boxer’s there and then!

Open mouthed my face a picture of bewildered incredulity, Helen smiled from across the road and for a second I don’t think I’ve felt such a mixture of relief and happiness mixed into one. But hold on her right hand no longer holding the garment’s waist hem, Helen raised her arm and with a curled up first finger my beautiful neighbour from across the road beckoned me closer.

Quick as a flash, I turned and near ran through my living room door……

To be continued and the link to part two you’ll find at the beginning!

©A. Shepherdson 2018 original and written by me.

megisacat’s challenge

I’m not an Award tag type of Blogger but I like reading any sort of list/questions post that catches my eye, megisacat’s Challenge passed a fun hour and here’s my response to her questions.

I’ve a trivia fact for you, did you know lists (could be of anything) are perhaps unsurprisingly the most popular blogs on WordPress? I read it somewhere, I think? I say unsurprisingly because human beings love lists don’t we, whether the shopping list of foods we either essentially need or fancy eating, or perhaps those bucket lists of things to try before we get tooo old to do, I haven’t officially been tagged this evening (later on) but megisacat’s questions captured my imagination and looked rather fun, one in particular would be nice to answer, I miss our family’s Border Collies SO much which is a good excuse for posting 2 photos on my WordPress.. 

What is your favourite drink? A good old pint of English Bitter, a rather boring answer I know but I adore the taste of fermented hops on my tongue and I’d have to drink quite a few before getting drunk, I also love Southern Comfort and lemonade trouble is I’ve lost whole parts of my life drinking tooo many S. Comforts! Like ONE HOUR several Christmases ago, I started the evening in one Department, regained consciousness in a totally separate Building and different Party? (Having thrown up in the toilets and a colleague using fingers to help the ‘stuff’ go down the sink!!) 

What advice would your future self give your current self that you are unlikely to follow but you know it’s good advice? Go chat with any woman who catches your eye, you never know where it’ll end up!

What would you change about the world? Easy question, yet rather depressing to both write about and no doubt read. The simple straightforward answer is I’d ban Religion and I’m convinced the world would be a happier peaceful and more tolerant place. Only the other day a guy at work refused to shake a female Secretary’s hand, he said,

“I’m Muslim and don’t shake women’s hands”………………… WTF??? Something to do with avoiding temptation, whatever, it’s just ##king rude, she was upset and offended and now everyone’s angry! Lol enough Politics and Religion.

Favourite Song? (post a link/embed a video if you’d like)

Abba’s ‘Thank you for the music is a favourite song, Benny and Bjorn are quite rightly now considered genius composers, and those teenage dreams I had with blonde Agnetha are unprintable! 

Favourite animal and why? Easy question and a little (very) sad to answer but here goes. Ever since my sibling and I were young children our family has owned Border Collies, well there’s 2 in particular I think about most days you know a memory prompted from happy times with Belle and Lucy for those were their names. Border Collies are most definitely the MOST intelligent breed of dog, without question, and our two would watch mum dad me and my sibling go about our day with such concentration that I sensed they understood what we were going to do next without us knowing. Lucy would sit by her lead dependant on what shoes I was putting on, if my mother got a tub of cream from the fridge we’d time how long until Belle was by the kitchen without calling, waiting for the empty carton and the list goes on. They were super obedient, fetch a ball all day long, affectionate, loyal, fun, friends and I’d better stop lol before I start crying!!!! 😀 Lucy (left) was the puppy from hell but grew into the perfect companion.

What is your Favourite memory? Without question time spent with my two Grandfathers, throughout my childhood and when a teenager I enjoyed their companionship and the values they taught me. I learnt the game of cricket from my mum’s father, and some of the happiest days of my life were just the two of us going to watch Yorkshire play at Scarborough Festivals then later in his life when age 85, our roles were reversed and I was the one to look after him all day and bring him home safe, funny how that happens in life :/ ……………. I know he really enjoyed those times and jeeze I’d better stop before I start lol getting all tearful!!

If you had a day off like Ferris Bueller (a day without consequences) what would you do? I’m afraid I have absolutely no idea who Ferris Bueller is? (Untrue I have an inkling but can’t be assed to Google!) but this is an easy question. Hmm a day without consequences? There’s a thought! Well ALL I’m going to give away is making love to a certain beautiful mature lady I know, married hence the consequences enough said! She’s intelligent amusing, prim and proper and drop dead sexy from her chestnut brown ‘bottled’ hair colour, to having the figure of a twentysomething, a classy slim woman with absolutely massive boobs, her summer print dresses with plunging necklines almost make me pass out!! ……………….. Just imagine if she read this WordPress now there’s a thought. :/

What is your favourite quality about yourself? Jeeze this IS a difficult question, I’ve thought about this for quite a while and I would say I have a great capacity for empathy, I feel other people’s pain to the point where it really isn’t emotionally good for me, however empathising with other’s problems isn’t for show, no it’s very genuine and heartfelt. 

What is your dream job? Again I’ve given this one a lot of thought, I’ve noticed that as I get older that dream job doesn’t seem to exist to the same degree as it did when I was age 18. Nah scrub that lol, a dream job for me would be working in a Nature Reserve as a Park Warden…………… yes truly a privileged dream job, just imagine out in the countryside all day looking after wildlife!

Like I said fun questions!

A. Shepherdson 2018.