So my question for today is, “could you pull this look off?”
Or then again the phrase ‘ingenuity is the mother of all invention’ comes to mind.
Pulling this look off depends on boob size I guess, if you’re an A size bra cup (possibly a AA) like Rianne Meijer above then you’ll have little to worry about, they’ll neither jiggle or bounce whilst she walks however larger endowed ladies of a certain age may struggle, and regrettably real life takes its toll, after a lady has nursed her offspring they’ll sag a little no doubt pendulously swinging from side to side, I’m not being disrespectful mind! I think it’s wonderful mothers breastfeed their babies, nurturing them with warm milk so they’ll grow healthy and cognitive with strong bones oh and a little sweet tasting as I’m reliably informed.
Yes I said sugary sweet but note I’ve never tasted………… unfortunately 😦 .
Many many months ago I commented a mummy blogger as to the taste of her breastmilk and she replied lol ‘a little sweeter than cows milk Andrew’, well you gotta ask haven’t you. Anyways before I (don’t) meander into my love of women’s breasts yet again (yawn)…….. what was I chatting about? Oh yes question for the day ‘could you pull-off a bra look made from disposable face masks’ and I’ve concluded the smaller boobed lady could but breastfeeding mothers and bustier ladies may struggle, I guess if you’re of a high round firm B cup maybe C you’ll be ok, but D’s and DD+ may be light on support but omg for us guys the results would make for spectacular viewing as they bounced their unsupported jig beneath tight fitting jersey’s.
The Dutch influencer I’m sharing above has been slammed online after fashioning a bikini from old facemasks, Rianne Meijer shocked and offended her Instagram followers (well there’s a surprise lol) by wearing a bikini fashioned from yes facemasks, and all I can add is I admire her results, disposable mask material is designed to concertina outwards covering a human animals nose mouth and chin, and looking at Rianne’s AA cup boobs her facemasks appear to cover and support beautifully………. and don’t you think azure blue is such a flattering colour on a woman and the matching knickers are a work of art! 😀
You didn’t know this but one of my more useless life skills is guessing, correctly I might add, a woman’s correct bra size, yep I’ll look at her pair of boobs and can tell you if she’s an A cup B C or DD whatever, a talent honed from my lifetime’s gazing at women’s breasts but that’s a whole other on-line posting, 😀 .
I have a social media theory I’ve touched on before. When followers reply comments like these below Rianne’s posting:
Why you waste masks like that?” One person wrote, while another simply said: “Just no.”
“What a waste of PPE,” another person commented, with another saying: “You are so great & I love your content usually. But wasting masks is not something that should be advertised.”
But come on are they actually disgusted? Are they really deeply offended? Or are they just making their voice heard and trying to provoke a reaction? I’d guess the second, they’ll comment and click the send button and being as the youth of today have the concentration timespan of a goldfish, seconds later they’ll ‘swipe’ to another Tweet or Instagram photo and dream up some other pithy humorous offended reply hoping that others like and share, it’s only the 5% of nasty bullying Trolls who are in truth angry and that’s a reflection of their personalities in real life……….. I blame the frigging media, it’s their fault these harmless ‘offended’ replies are taken seriously, for heaven’s sake why does the BBC share a selection of Tweets written by G list celebrities beneath a serious News story? I neither care for these musicians and soap actors opinions and as I said before, they’re NOT that offended anyway.
Returning to beautiful sexy Rianne, what I say is lighten up, at the least the young lady is upcycling disposable facemasks into brand new bra’s, as we know mask plastic fabric is unrecyclable ending it’s useful life discarded and thrown in City streets across the globe, or heartbreakingly it’s elastic straps entwined around a birds feet or sucked into dolphins and whales stomachs 😦 , jeeze we invent these wonderful products yet don’t think about what to do with them when used and the affect on nature is upsetting.
So for heavens sake lighten up with the criticism I say, now if every girl fills her knicker draw with bras fashioned from old facemasks then just imagine the positive affects for our environment, so I’ve a suggestion for all you ladies out there, whether A or DD cup go to your bedroom and lock the door, seat yourselves before your vanity mirror, carefully construct a bra from facemasks, strip naked topless and put on the delicate to admire the effect……… and why not start a movement and POST THE PICTURES ON YOUR INSTAGRAM!
A. Shepherdson 2021
(Remember I have the utmost respect for women who have breastfed their babies and would NEVER make fun at their expense.)
Research the internet asking the reasons why men are so obsessed with a lady’s boobs (I have been and I am lol) one fact’s for sure, Scientists have never satisfactorily explained men’s curious breast fixation, for all the cultural emotional and ‘weird’ theories, no one can really explain why I am so obsessed by this certain part of a female’s physique.
Jeeze where to begin with YET another lady’s breast themed posting, there’s been SO many over this past two years, many true tales of happy times spent fondling adorable women’s breasts, shared anecdotes after having been busted, caught unawares gazing fixated by plunging cleavage, captivated by small boobs or fulsome milky bags of fat drooping from a woman’s chest…………. but why on earth why? This requires further introspection!
Disclaimer, I blog for fun! Bosom postings amuse and entertain my boy-child sensibilities but yes I agree this isn’t for everyone 🙂
So where to begin?
To be honest I’ve given up on my Holy Grail quest to seek out the definitive reason why (because none exists) though I am seriously perplexed, so where better place to start than research 3 fun facts lifted from the internet……. I’m trusting they’re not fake.
A Canadian biologist called ‘Bruce Bagemihl’ noted several primate species, including humanity’s close relative the ‘bonobo’, have been observed stimulating their own nipples while masturbating. (Err hold on, I’m not interested why women gain pleasure playing with their tits.)
Fun fact 2
A study was done on 66 Englishmen who were hungry also 58 who had just eaten, and surprise surprise, the hungry men preferred bigger boobs compared to the ones who had just eaten (that goes someway to explaining the comfort and nurture theory.)
Fun fact 3
And to this one I can 100% attest, “Boys don’t learn in the playground that breasts are something that they should be interested in. It’s biological and deeply engrained in our brain,” write’s an expert lol in his book.
He goes onto say, “In fact, research indicates that when we’re confronted with breasts, or even breast-related stimuli, like bras, we’ll start making bad decisions” so yes I agree, we men are biologically drawn to breasts and I guess due to sexual imagery in TV advertising as a young child, I was trained in my informative years to find them erotic, learned to view boobs as sexually attractive whether that be long and pendulous, or pointy perky hemispherical tits………….. I’ve fondled a fair few pairs in my life time and to be completely honest, large or small the size of her breasts (as long as they’re real!) Doesn’t actually matter, though if pushed for preference I do love squidgy slightly saggy and pendulous.
Confused? I am, though I’m leaning towards nature nurture and biological to explain away my WordPress’s boob obsession, cue another piece of expert analysis lifted from the to be trusted ‘HuffPost’:
Two researchers (you really don’t require their names do you!) Believed that the male attraction to a pair of boobs goes beyond being:
‘a good, full cleavage indicates to a man that a woman is in good health and an excellent choice to bear and raise his children’, a boy’s love of boobs develops in childhood, when a mother breastfeeds her child, the infant becomes the most important thing in the world, and during breastfeeding a bonding chemical Oxytocin is also released into the mother’s milk and consumed by the baby. A biological bonding takes place, makes nursing a feel-good experience for mother and child and it forges a very important bond between the two.’
“This bond is not only the most beautiful of all social bonds, it can also be the most enduring, lasting a lifetime,” wrote the authors.
“Essentially then, when a man sees, touches or massages a woman’s breasts, it sparks the same series of brain events as nursing – the feel good chemical is released in the man’s brain and he is drawn to the breasts because subconsciously he remembers the feel-good experience of nursing as a child. Any interaction between a man and a pair of boobs then helps to bond a man to his female other half.”
One glaring problem with this theory is, my mother didn’t breastfeed me!…….. I don’t know this for 100% sure having never asked my mother! But I’m reliably reminded she used the formula ‘Cow and Gate’ brand. So yes I wasn’t breastfed though I’m utterly convinced my captivation can be attributed to nature and biology programming me that way, and I’d suggest watching many hours of TV as a child trained me to appreciate breasts sexually.
Now I’ll share with you my earliest recollection of seeing a pair of REAL boobs for the first time! That’s such an easy one to answer, and it wouldn’t have been from the television because when I was a child Britain had only 3 terrestrial TV channels and one of those would have been dedicated to the arts! Not forgetting back in the day we had a very strict ‘watershed’ with anything vaguely adult only being broadcast after bedtime, if ever!
Close my eyes and I see a young lady jogging toward my 8 year old self as if viewing a home movie from my childhood, there I am sat just inside the opening of a campsite tent whilst holidaying as a cubscout, and this’ll be the only image of a fun weekend spent with 30 other young boys I’ll remember. Although I do recollect she was one of our Leader’s wives, alas her face is lost in the midst’s of time but I do remember her as youthful and pretty and I certainly cannot remember if she saw me crouched watching.
So yes picture my childhood vision running through a grassy field toward me, wind blowing her auburn hair and wearing a blue cotton blouse with only the top buttons holding both flaps closed, when for one fleeting second a combination of her half stumbling through rough ground, perhaps a girlish jump in the air caught with a strong breeze in her face, the wind capturing her untethered flaps of fabric blowing them upwards and open, to reveal yes a flash of two underboobs, no nipples mind, just the pink profile of her two lower fulsome breasts for she wore no bra! Who knows why? Perhaps she was jogging towards the showers having left the delicate in her tent!
So there you, over 40 years later close my eyes and I see my scout mistresses’ boobs and that’s my earliest childhood recollection. Fabulous! Who needs the internet to corrupt young minds?
Here are 10 probable reasons why, as a woman, you might catch me looking at your chest rather than your face.
1. Breasts Are Great to Look At
Men love looking at the breasts for the very reason that they are great to look at. Whether they are small or big, breasts are one of the first things a man sees in a woman.
Though it is offensive, but men can’t resist taking a peek!
(Hmm offensive? That’s as maybe, but of the many times I’ve been caught peeking or gazing in the street I’ve only ever been smiled at, never received a harsh word.)
2. Breasts Add Grace and Poise
Breasts are one of the few body parts which are curvaceous. Men don’t have any curves on their bodies, which makes being hard and straight a sign of masculinity.
On the other hand, curviness is a symbol for womanhood which adds grace and poise to the way a woman carries herself.
3. Breasts Represent Fertility
Since a long time back, it has been believed that men are attracted to women who are healthy and are able to reproduce.
Breasts are a sign of fertility as they portray the notion that the woman would be able to bear children as well as nourish them.
4. Breasts Offer Visual Stimulation
One of the main differences between men and women is that men are stimulated visually. They get ‘turned on’ just by looking at a woman’s body. Firm and perky breasts catch the attention of every man wherever a woman goes and stimulates him visually.
(Hmm now I’m reminded of an anecdote a colleague retold me at work one day, when he first met his wife to be in a pub she said to him….. “would you please stop staring at my tits!” Lol I’ve nothing to add 😀 .)
5. Breasts Are the Key to Second Base
Most men don’t know about this but those who do use it to their advantage. The breasts are the key to second base as they are located close to the libido.
Fondling and playing with them leads to sexual arousal. (This is one of the major reasons why men love breasts!)
6. Breasts Lead to Great Foreplay
Breasts are a crucial part of foreplay. In fact, foreplay is incomplete without a little fondling, sucking or kissing on the breasts.
Apart from the breasts, there is little else a man could play with before the actual act.
7. Breasts Are Nice to Touch
They are soft and supple, tempting men to grab them.
Men love how the breasts feel in their hands. While some of them can get wild and start twitching the nipples, most men are gentle with breasts, holding them with love and care.
(Never a truer word was written, the moment a lady removes her bra and allows me to fondle, my touch is as delicate as handling a piece of fine China!………. Err except later when she’s riding me cowgirl and I’m squeezing so hard I can feel pointy hard nipples pressing into my palms.)
8. Breasts Are Mysterious
From the moment a guy sees a girl her breasts become a source of mystery for him. He spends most of his time thinking about and visualizing what hides beneath the clothing. Until he gets to actually see them, the mystery is a cause of intrigue for him.
9. No Cleavage without Breasts
The cleavage is perhaps the best sight a man could want to see. Low-cut tops or dresses that show a little too much at the top are highly attractive for men.
Without breasts, there would be no cleavage, so men love the whole package.
10. Breasts Are Comforting
For some reason, men find breasts comforting. They love resting their heads on them. The very sight of them can make their bad mood disappear.
In fact, there has been a study which shows that men who get to see breasts for at least 15 minutes a day live longer and healthier!
I’ll not disagree with any of those reasons because well, all I do know for whatever reason whether that be cultural biological learned whether that be ‘nature or nurture’, I’m captivated by a woman’s breasts! So have I answered my titled question? Yes and no but then again after surfing the internet this afternoon, strikes me whether you are an ‘expert’ or women’s magazine columnist, no one can truly explain the male obsession with a ladies boobs!
And finally! I’ll leave you with a bra comment written by a lady on one of my previous blog postings, and I do so love reading boob perspectives from a lady! (And NO I’m not divulging either her name or which of the 289 postings).
‘I hate bras… I wear them to work because, work. I wear them if I’m ‘in public’ and the temperature is ‘normal’ for the U.K. when I get home the bra comes off. Literally as I put my bag down, shoes off, bra off. And often it doesn’t go back on again. I wear a lot of dresses in summer, without underwear- at all. If the temperature goes above 20°c the bra comes off.
If I see men looking at my breasts I make eye contact & smile & walk on. Sometimes I even laugh (I know, that’s mean but hey…’
Working from home is the future they said, socializing and entertaining ourselves whether that be streamed movies or computer gaming will be how we occupy our spare time they said, and now the future’s arrived prematurely due to covid, many people are asking themselves ‘do I really want to live my life without real human beings?’ Now we have all this incarcerated free time many of us are missing the physical contact our workplace’s bring, whether that be ‘me’ people watching scantily clothed ladies on a commuter bus ride to work (simple pleasures but I love it so), or someone chatting about their family’s up and coming summer holiday to Greece, yes many of us are regretting the digital age’s grand finale, the realisation we now NO longer need to leave our homes!
Btw the media aren’t lying, I’ve seen so many more braless women this summer…cue a shallow excuse to show braless ‘mature ladies’ on my Blog. (In my opinion these completely useless garments of lingerie should be banned by law, spot fined if they’re seen in public, jail even unless removed! 😀 )
Anyways where was I? Oh yes on-line video conferencing.
I surreptitiously took our Teams photo earlier today midway through a meeting (via my mobile phone camera), and if you’re at all curious glance down to the bottom right hand corner, and you’ll see my face lol video linking from the comfort of my own living room…. 1940’s science fiction incarnated!
A simple example of how our workplaces have changed forever due to lockdown, no more travelling into Oxford by commuter bus each Friday, sitting around a table with these familiar work colleague’s faces a long ago memory, now I sit at my dining room table staring at a laptop computer screen for one hour (even more ridiculous I’m talking to a PC), and happily our interpersonal ‘dynamics’ haven’t changed since our last physical get together in March….. jeez that’s four months ago!
Even if workplaces do return to some sort of normality, many aspects of our lives will not, digital shopping has replaced walking into Town in person and I’ve lost count of the number of packages Amazon has delivered. Now we surf their ‘shop window’, pay digitally with a credit card and a very nice gentleman will deliver the package very next day and if you have Amazon Prime postage is completely free (no more queueing and buying car park tickets), in fact I’m struggling right now to remember the last time I used cash!
I Have to admit I’m missing the hustle and bustle of crowded city centers 😦 .
The future has arrived prematurely so say retail experts, cov-d-19 has accelerated the move to working also shopping from home, wander down your desolate High Street’s with all the closed business and realise many will never reopen and that’s so so sad. (Big sigh) that’s progress for you, but I cannot help wondering whether the social cost is worth the convenience of being able to buy on-line, globally million’s of shop workers will be thrown on the employment scrapheap, occupation’s consigned to history along with chimney sweeps and gas lamplighters walking darkened city streets flame in hand, now there’s a truly dangerous occupation!
A female colleague today commented lockdown is “sending me mad”, a sentiment I’ve heard said many times by different people, so has human progress taken us to the point where we’re prisoners living 24/7 in solitary confinement? Meals brought to our doorstep, social interaction via a TV monitor, amusing ourselves playing on-line computer games with complete strangers living in other countries, children being schooled from home, group fitness sessions with friends via zoom, we’ve now reached an actual point in human history where we have NO need to leave the house.
But I’d suggest this accelerated switch to digital living has caught people unawares, blown through our lives like a whirlwind with many of us our asking ourselves ‘do I really wish to live this way?’ Is isolation depression, the toll on our mental health really worth giving up the simple pleasure of wandering around department stores, perhaps meeting with friends in some quaint coffee shop, or experiencing strong winds and driving rain blown into our faces as we enjoy window shopping for things we’d love to buy one day.
Transport me back to the 1980’s please I’ve seen the future and I don’t like it!
You’ll have to have read my sexy postings to appreciate I adore all women whether age 20 or 60 (I’ve slept with a 50 year Polish lady with a dodgy knee btw) oh and keep in mind any reckless honesty is all good natured and certainly not intended to offend……. jeeze people are either appalled disgusted by whatever, or apologising….. so whatever happened to disagreeing with a point of view then moving on?
I place the blame fairly and squarely with Twitter.
Hate Twitter sooo much!
Anyways moving on.
Sun’s shining today and temperatures are approaching 30 degrees Celsius ‘sticky’, humid even, and when there’s a heatwave in the UK we all know what happens, early morning before leaving the house you’ll find excited women rummaging through their summer wardrobe draw looking for sweet nothings! The consequence whether young or the more mature, they’ll shed their winter clothes no different to a caterpillar over-night being transformed into a beautiful butterfly and displaying ‘her’ delicate brightly decorated wings…. I sooo look forward to hot days like these.
Both morning break and lunchtime I’ve wandered around Oxford city streets (remember I’m lol not a pervert) both captivated by their glorious femininity and feeling hard and aroused women watching! Whether wearing tight body hugging tee shirts with plunging neckline revealing an ample cleavage, or high waisted hot pants displaying long slender milk white thighs in need of a suntan, maybe bouncing jiggly breasts strapped into tight fitting bras I’ve had a fabulous day’s viewing…….. omg I’ve enjoyed myself.
In fact there’s been so much tits leg and ass today, I’m feeling quite invigorated and rejuvenated, forget Brexit the Covid-19 pandemic and BLM demonstrations they’ve been far from my mind, oh AND as luck would have it (although she was walking holding hands with her boyfriend) a young woman even passed me on the pavement absent of bra beneath her tee, close my eyes and I can still see her quivering boobs and pointy protruding nipples……. 🙂 lucky boyfriend!
However today didn’t begin so jolly.
Early this morning on my bus journey to work, I had intended to share my angry opinion of last night’s controversial events, you see an airplane flew over a televised soccer match towing a banner with the words ‘White Lives Matter’ emblazoned in large black lettering, (Google image if you can be bothered…. I wouldn’t).
Forward to this morning’s news headlines and the ‘s*** has well and truly hit the fan’, everyman and his dog is feeling mortally offended, Club Captains are ‘deeply ashamed’ by this racist heinous stunt, football Chairmen are both ‘disgusted’ and disowning this wicked statement of fact, worse still politicians have climbed their soap boxes spouting words of condemnation the upshot being there’s now to be a Police enquiry. You’ll have guessed myself and work colleagues are unimpressed, it now appears using the phrase BLM is to be applauded and acceptable, however in I guess response to 3 innocent white men being slaughtered by a knife wielding Islamic extremist at the weekend, a tragedy ripping apart three white families, it now appears we indigenous white Englishman can no longer say White Lives Matter!
Then again perhaps us ‘Whites’ don’t like admitting we’re all racists? I used to think I wasn’t but now I’m not so sure?
The phrase (lot of phrases in tonight’s posting) the saying “it is what it is” comes to mind, rightly or wrongly when discussing race relations in 2020 Britain different rules appear to apply, maybe. Anyways this evening I’ve a smile upon my face, a happy heart and the nerves in the tip of my penis are still tingling, better still tomorrow’s gonna be even hotter! Ladies today still wearing their cold weather coats or perhaps even carrying an umbellar, will be raiding their own summer wardrobe as I speak, what’s more I know from experience there’ll be even more tits ass and long legs to appreciate tomorrow, yep I’ll be taking even longer (less than acceptable) gazes in their glorious direction!
So now I’m going to day dream thoughts of pretty age appropriate young ladies I’ve witnessed today and stroke my arousal to orgasm, then cool myself off finishing with a cold invigorating shower. My final word is? Ladies when you’re going about your day wearing ‘plunging’ tops or revealing a little leg below summer dress hems, just be aware we men notice the ladies who turn us on and masturbate dreaming about them later!
WordPress Statistics baffle me! How can a post written Sep 2018 be so popular today?
After 2+ years, 2 blogs and writing 375+ postsA Woman’s Cleavage (a cautionary tale)is my most viewed ever! Bar none! And the past 4 months alone have been 33, 43, 43 and 39 (and still with 4 days to go!)
It’s baffling…. a mystery and I just don’t understand why? Why aren’t ALL my posts THIS popular, what happened to my favourite My neighbour IS a Stripper!
But lol dooo you care?
I am an occasional reader of Blog statistics, carefully peruse and scrutinize my popularity, it’s a boy thing, numbers matter, size matters I guess God hard wired us that way!🙄
Early evening thoughts with MILD adult themes…………. honest and respectful as always (comment if you’ve had your fill of my female sexual observations and objectification of the female human animal’s body)………….. my imagination I fear is out of control 7 o’clock at night, I’m incorrigible, my hardness is excited and twitching hence I write because these posts are fun and keep me interested when WordPress feels a lonely place……… 123 ahhh 😀
Does anyone honestly think this photo below is offensive?
A question for you, why is the female breast nipple such a big deal for a guy? And I’d agree with you ladies who say nipples shouldn’t be, after all they have one purpose in life to allow a nursing baby to latch onto the breast and drink mum’s milky goodness, big f#cking deal? Then babes grow into healthy toddlers…
“Mutton dressed up as Lamb” Is a British way of describing a (deluded) older woman who is dressed in a style more suited to a younger woman, also slightly derogatory because she’s deliberately trying to appear young.
Or you may prefer Bernadette Matthews definition at mumsnet.com:
‘Too much leg and cleavage on show at the same time!’
Regular readers to this WP will be aware I love interacting with other writers, well this evening I’ve a response post prompted by the excellent LA and her thought provoking blog Forever21, I urge you to follow she’s possibly my favourite blogger, slightly irreverent, ladles of honest American attitude and oozing oodles of common sense,.
‘I dressed in an outfit that I thought was good for the event and that I felt confident in. And basically, this is how you should feel when you walk out the door. A friend saw a picture of me and said that I looked stylish and sexy, which of course was my exact goal. But then I started to wonder- was I starting to push it?
So, while we were on line, I said this to my friend, who is in excellent shape and looks great for any age, and she simply shook her head and said “Yeah. I know. When do we actually look good for our age, and when do we start to look ridiculous.”
Ok I agree, LA probably didn’t have the derogatory and unfair ‘label’ mutton dressed up as lamb’ at the point of her writing ‘when do we look good for our age and when do we start to look ridiculous’, but hey they make interesting bedfellows don’t you think?
I’d suggest the what to wear dilemma hardly ever crosses a guy’s mind, I’m age 50 and feel completely comfortable wearing charcoal black jeans matched with a light blue Oxford long sleeved shirt, perhaps a sweater and smart shoes, all very casual, a look I could wear at work or down the pub of a weekend and I’d guess no one gives me a second glance………. HOWEVER I have no doubt what NOT to wear is a real headache for the older woman!
So as I’m at a lose end I did a little on-line surfing all in the name of research, oh and because I’m a guy who knows sweet FA about fashion! Then I happened across this jewel of Debenham’s research which said,
‘When it comes to fashion, nine in ten women aim to dress younger than their years. And more than half say they won’t start ‘dressing their age’ until they are at least 70’, further ‘Over half said they began to dress younger in their 30s and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-40s’.
Now LA’s a lady who loves lists and these Top 10 Items You’re Too Old to Wear, read as brilliant advice, and remember I know sweet FA about fashion, clueless, however I’m as quick to judge and point my finger as every other guy so why not give an opinion! Hmm, and I wouldn’t disagree with their 10 ‘fashion minefields’,
Message tee shirts
Too trendy denim
Micro mini skirts
Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage/Visible or coloured bra straps.
White, Ribbed Cotton Tank Tops
Oversized decorated Hobo Bags
Cheap unflattering underwear
“But trying too hard only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young.”
As I’ve said before I’m a keen observer of the human female mammal, read my posts, and I would suggest the true bananas skin, fashion fau-pa opportunity is sexiness, get it wrong wear a short a black leather skirt, heals inches too high, blouses too low cut are a recipe for unwanted attention from men, and disapproving looks from women worried about losing their man and I ain’t saying nothing about looking like a hooker!
Just avoid anything four inches or more above the knee and add tights to make a short skirt less risqué, say the experts. Or wear chic straight skirts, classy being the watchword, allowing you to show off some curves without making you look as though you’re pretending to be born after the Bill Clinton years!
It’s a worry but classy is the watch word, trouser jeans you can wear from the PTA meeting to a party when paired with the right top, stylish padded shoes with wider thicker heels and definitely avoid anything that shows excessive cleavage or visible coloured bra straps……….. or any underwear for that matter.
I realise the older woman would never be caught dressed like this, whoever lol thought low-cut jeans and thongs was a good idea? But I guess the saying ‘you’re only young once applies!
Apparently the more mature lady ‘shouldn’t feel she needs to show it all off. Anything below the middle of your bustline has got to go,’ ‘A little goes a long way,” and no excessive ‘boobage’ past the age of 40, displaying too much sagging skin apparently is a no no, so go for a blouse underneath, unbutton a few buttons and you’re going to look sexy but classy’.
Having said all that, the summer of 2018 was one of Britain’s hottest, and I can recall as if yesterday sitting on the top deck of a bus, looking out the window and watching a woman age 65 if a day. Totally captivated I was, for this mature lady in her blue pencil skirt and restrained high heels wore a tight fitting tee shirt with, wait for it, no bra! And all I’ll add to that is she was a ‘big girl’ yet looked both classy and ravishing!
Way to go madam.
And now we arrive at number 9 ‘Cheap, Unflattering Underwear’ and I’ll profess to being an interested expert! As I’ve written before M&S tells us most women are not fitted properly, a woman’s breasts and body sags so I guess underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.
Having said all or that, our Group Secretary at work throughout Summer wears low cut print dresses displaying her ample assets, the only trouble is us Technicians are NOT listening to our lecturing Professor! Yep I agree, appropriate sexiness is where an older woman can look classy or yes ‘Mutton Dressed Up as Lamb’.
And finally advice from the experts.
“Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules, but what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless, this way, you’re going to look fabulous because the look is appropriate for you.”
Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!
Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’
Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?
I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,
“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”
And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.
So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!!
But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,
“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”
“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.
And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!
‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’
However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.
Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.
I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.
And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,
And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?
Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’
Mildly adult themed (been a while since I’ve written an adult true tale) and hopefully a fun read!
Now a message for any ‘classy ladies’ who may have read my post title and presumed ‘moi’ has written a tale about two people who fell in love and lived happily ever after, or maybe they’re imagining this is ‘moi’ reviewing a movie newly released at the cinema……… well if you did I’m afraid you’re wrong on both counts, which only leaves a third choice which one hundred percent of men will understand………….. having said all that medical doctors tell us masturbation (had you guessed) is the safest form of sex and more important good for one’s mental health and general well being………… and being serious for a second (for this is a serious post) I wholeheartedly agree pleasuring oneself lifts the spirits leaving you feeling satisfied and relaxed.
Incidentally Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus : ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I frigging paid her to do!
Btw my tale for you this evening is themed just for fun 🙂 .
One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few weeks ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.
“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,
and when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!
“Yes I do honey”, Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.
I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.
Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!
I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.
You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!
Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.
I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.
I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,
“Well take your clothes off!”
“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’
“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!
So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black padded bra revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.
(Why are Hotel towels always white?)
I should admit at this point Dana’s isn’t the first intimate masseuse I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, one time several years ago I had a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!
I know I said ‘cutting a long story short’, well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!
And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,
“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side,
followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”
Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.
Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!
I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.
(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)
So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!
If a sober guy looks at your bosom, tell him to “please stop” and 98% will.
I have a brief tale to tell though before you ask, because I know you are curious! NO I didn’t take these lady’s photos, most definitely not but if you’re a prolific Google imager like myself then you never know what you will discover if you search hard enough.
😋 She fit’s my post!
🤔 Perhaps a cautionary tale though, goes to show ladies have to be very aware of men and their digital cameras, lean forward ‘snap’ and the boobs are on the internet!…………….. But not to worry, I’m using this lady both for a genuine reason and I’m assured she’s an anonymous D list celebrity? Hmm lol “I’m sayin nothin!”
Within my more thoughtful posts I have touched on the serious subject of sexual harassment, with the after #MeToo fallout very much in focus, well I have a true tale which I think throws up some interesting talking points.
Several weeks ago I was chatting to a young lad at work who said he’d been out drinking with three friends the evening before, turns out the sun was shining so all four were sat outside around a wooden table in the Pub’s garden…………. a very British pastime, every Public House will have it’s own small garden or terrace for patrons to enjoy.
So these four lads were quietly drinking beer at their table, all very civilised none were drunk or being rowdy or loud, they were I’m told chatting being sociable and having a laugh. All good fun and every so often a barmaid would visit their table for I guess empty glasses, take a bar food order or bring more drinks, then my friend tells me as the barmaid was leaning over their wooden table handing out pints of beer she said,
“Will you four stop trying to look down my blouse!”,
He went on to give more clarity to his tale, she wasn’t p#ssed the lads and barmaid were on very friendly terms, their interactions were all proper and above board and I’d guess being as she was a barmaid and they were lads I’d guess there was plenty of flirting and light hearted banter, after she’d err told them to stop I’d guess knowing my work colleague there’d have been amused protestations such as,
😉 “WHAT me?” (His words).
With ladles of wounded pride thrown in to good measure, and the way he shared his tale nothing more was said end of, certainly no Police were summoned or the Head Publican called to eject the lads from the premises, no the lady was quite aware they were peeking and for sure the lads were trying to glance down her open blouse…………….. I know for certain most men would!………. Now I realise ‘man hating lesbian feminists’ will disagree with what I am about to say,
“But don’t you think the barmaid handled the situation in exactly the right way?”
Btw I am also a feminist!
If she’d been getting increasingly tired of the lad’s furtive attention wasn’t warning the four 18yr teens enough? Yes the Pub garden is her very own workplace but there wasn’t any need to create a scene, the group and herself were all getting on fine, friendly and no doubt sexuality and the (adult) drinking atmosphere affected everyone’s behaviour, my friend saw the humour and the barmaid let it be known who was in charge……….. everyone had a giggle, the Pub didn’t lose four future paying customers and no scene or drama was created.
Ok I’d agree if you said my example of inappropriate behaviour is unique as every scenario will be, for one a drinking establishment barmaid won’t be any shrinking violet, she’d know exactly the right way to handle groups of leery lads who were overstepping the mark anyways you decide, I’ve met tiny barmaids who could eject fighting men just by a strength of personality.
Never argue with a p#ssed and angry woman, you’ll lose!!!
There of course could be an argument put forward by a certain British Police Commissioner that ladies should dress appropriately because short dresses can lead to unwanted attention, hmm who’s he blaming?
But I have a feeling the majority of right minded thinking adults agreed he was talking out of his arse and I’d hope his wife and daughters, if he had any, would have put him straight namely the fact a woman is assaulted isn’t her own fault, wear an open collared blouse if you wish AND I would add if a guy try’s to look down at your goodies, tell him to “get lost” or “please stop”.
And he will. Also.
If you’re in an underground train carriage and a guy attaches his grubby fingers to your ‘sweet lil ass’, tell him to “keep your hands to yourself!” And shout as loudly as you can so everyone else can hear you!
Confidence is key?
Okay I understand every case of sexual impropriety is different to another and further this blog isn’t a political platform only my own thoughts and observations, so what are mine?
For what it’s worth my own thoughts after hearing my colleagues Pub garden tale, was the barmaid handled herself correctly, the four decent hard working lads were warned and next time would hopefully be less obvious and take greater care when trying to look down a female’s open blouse!
No harm was done discuss!
Finally I’m here to say human beings are sexual animals, a woman will look at a man’s bulge in his trousers, a guy will look at a woman’s cleavage…………… you have to accept because that’s called ‘the way of the world’.
Early evening thoughts and now in comments tell me what you think please. 🤔