“Thank you SO much” (#grammar)

No boob chat today 😦 (that’s my intention after just this second logging on!)

A serious Posting!

A new phrase has wriggled it’s way into our spoken language, yes you guessed correctly a rather clunky sounding expression of gratitude “thank you SO much” has become common usage over here in the UK.

You’ll guess by the appearance of this posting this new grammatical immigrant rather fascinates me, I say immigrant for good reason because I first noticed this newcomer several years ago coinciding with the the first influx of East European economic migrants to these shores, but no talk of Brexit here my friends. I’d suggest to my ears it’s displaced the English phrase my Grandparents would have used “thank you very much”, a not too dissimilar declaration of gratitude which in turn displaced a phrase you’ll read in a Jane Austin or Emily Bronte novel, “thank you kindly”, pause for a second, can’t you just hear Elizabeth Bennet replying “thank you kindly dear Sir” as Mr. Darcy bows delicately lifting the babe’s outstretched hand to kiss.

I bet you that got Lizzie’s pussy juices flowing!

Anyway where was I?

Now as we all are aware, and often livid about, language usage in day to day conversation metamorphises adapts as the years pass and usually teenagers are to blame with “lolz” and the “like”, a fill-in word thirteen year old girls are addicted to! I’ll listen to their conversations on the bus home and it appears to me “like” has no meaning other than a pause to allow their brains to catch up with breathless conversation. Spoken language changes where ever you reside, and I’m reliably informed we Brits do not talk ‘like’ the characters in a Shakespearian Play…….. I wouldn’t know because I’ve never read Shakespeare but I’ve lusted over Julia Styles in ’10 Things I Hate About You’ and isn’t that another ‘Taming Of The Shrew’ reboot?

I digress.

So why does this one phrase “thank you SO much” with the emphasis on “SO”, fascinate to the point I’ll listen hoping the Romanian coffee lady serving in ‘Taylors’ delicatessen might (severe but lovely girl) reply after she hands me her hot beverage. Incidentally, I’m not annoyed by this recent interloper, hearing it doesn’t bother me or grate my ears, yet inexplicably “thank you SO much” has inhabited my consciousness and YES I’ve found myself using it again with my own emphasised “SO”. This affirmation of gratitude doesn’t roll off the tongue, sounding rather yes clunky in conversation and not Queen’s English and that’s why it fascinates me, and yes I think I can remember the exact place and circumstance I first noticed me using it, again with an emphasis on a rather earnestly spoken “SO”, now I’d suggest any recipient will appreciate the speaker’s gratitude is both heartfelt and not just a cliched platitude.

When you reply “thank you SO much” you really DO mean it and not just as a throw away servility!

So when and where did I first notice myself using this phrase, and why was I so SO grateful? I’ll tell you why, several years ago I suffered a fall at work and long dramatic story cut very short, I was whisked off to our wonderful John Radcliffe Hospital with what turned out was a fractured cheekbone in 4 painful places, however I was conscious and no bones had been depressed into my skull and I was going to be ok thanks for asking! After several hours waiting in a busy Casualty Department, with overworked doctors and nurses rushing here there and everywhere as warning sirens sounded, electronic equipment beeped and trolleys bearing really ill people were wheeled in from reverse parked ambulances……. I’d describe both ambiance and atmosphere as organised chaos.

Come my turn I was shown into a bare white examination room, instructed to take of my shoes and lay upon the bed….. I was a walking wounded brave little soldier, (way tooo many metaphors Andrew). Then minutes later a beautiful young woman wearing blue scrubs, tore open the curtain glided to my side beaming a confident radiant smile, AND I’d guess this angel was working a 14 hour shift! Wonderful men and women all.

Well I remember her as a cheerful chatty soul, I’d guess age 27 slim of an average womanly height with a beautiful face and short cropped blonde hair, a lovely intelligent young woman any mother would sell her soul to have a son marry such a goddess and yes I’m a sucker for a pretty face, I was smitten and SHE with her caring bedside manner did actually seem worried by my injuries probably because head injuries can change to horrifically life threatening very quickly.

For the next 10 minutes or so she gave me a full neurological examination, note with me fully clothed, I had to raise either leg on command as she pressed down upon the limbs, I had push her hands away then grip and pull hers toward me. I had to touch my nose with alternate fingers, watch as she checked my reflexes as she hit my knee with a small rubber hammer……….. yes this angel dressed in powder blue cotton uniform followed a neurological list of checks to test if I had suffered brain damage, I’ll not repeat what my work colleagues would have said.

To finish my initial examination before being shown to an overworked X-ray Department, my beautiful clinician whipped from her top pocket a slim black pencil like object, and with one click of a switch a bright light appeared on one end, with a graceful ‘lunge’ she hunched over me and began to shine her tiny torch into my eyes……………. and omg all I can remember this second is her face so close to mine as she inspected for I guess brain damage, so gifted are our betraying eyes. That close I remember her breath touching my face and yes I gulped, an involuntary emotional reaction triggered by having a beautiful young woman unnervingly close I could have kissed her on the cheek, lol I could’ve would’ve lol of but of course didn’t!

Isn’t there a name given to men who fall in love with nurses?

Oh and I forget to say this boyishly slender young woman displayed NO bust, nope there was zero boobage but for two hardly distinguishable mounds with only ‘bee stings’ for nipples visible as she moved, and hazarding a guess these tired young females, overworked in stifling hot Hospital Wards wear only a bra beneath as underclothes, and why wouldn’t they?

You see I’m emotionally incapable of recollecting a serious true tale without bringing a heroines breasts into my story.

Finally with examination completed and this young doctor no doubt relieved I wasn’t about to suffer a bleed to the brain, note I’m neither trying to be flippant or funny, damaged brain injuries can deteriorate within minutes to the point a patient requires urgent open brain surgery to save their life. With my beautiful clinician now content I wasn’t about to drift into unconsciousness, smiled and made plain her work was finished and now I was to be someone else’s patient, I bid her goodbye and yes I remember me saying a heartfelt “thank you SO much”, with an emphasis on the “SO” because I was genuinely thankful from deep within my heart, she’d never met me before but showed such care 🙂 .

And then she was gone! One of those moments in life when you realise you will never ever see a wonderful human being again, who’d have thought when I woke that morning for another humdrum day of work, that same afternoon I’d experience a beautiful young woman peering into my eyes and so close I could have kissed that soft skinned cheek.

Hospital workers are wonderful caring men and women and our NHS the gift that keeps on giving 🙂 .

A. Shepherdson 2021.

Dana and……….

Just look and appreciate Dana’s magnificent breasts, and take it from me, they’re even more impressive when I’m gazing at them while she’s kneeling between my two open naked thighs, me reclined into a soft clean towel outstretch on a comfy bed, her warm fingers curled around my erection as she masturbates me with (amazing) skills honed from servicing hundreds of male clients… lovely lady as well, amusing to chat with, beautiful and blessed with a beaming smile that would melt the icy coldest of hearts, yes she’s gone from my life but at least I have happy memories to cheer me up when I’m feeling sad and anxious 😦 .

I’m upset I mean REALLY upset! My gorgeous masseuse has returned back home to Romania.

To begin with, a week or so ago Dana’s website disappeared (not her real name btw) and now I know for certain she’s no longer massaging clients for a living because her mobile number neither accepts texts or calls………….yep I’d guess this lovely lady, a migrant worker earning money to buy her own home in Romania, aware Oxford’s R rate is rising has now left our shores for home and (big sigh) who can blame her.

Jeeze massaging male customers not forgetting the gorgeous happy ending is a high risk occupation, no an illegal occupation during a pandemic, and goes without saying touching a male client with coroner virus she’ll catch this awful disease and infect every client thereafter. But hold on! Covid-19 is asymptotically spread so surely if Dana and I wore face masks, the only proven way to break the transmission cycle, our intimate afternoons together would be safe?

I think so, and here’s a sobering statistic for you, yesterday afternoon at work we had the radio on listening to yet another doom and gloom covid story, apparently the Oxford drug trials have been suspended because one patient displayed unexpected symptoms, sad news but this expert went on to say 88% of those dying from covid-19 are seniors! Perhaps the time has come to accept mother nature has decided human beings are living to long, all four of my Grandparents lived well into their 80s to end their days living in depressing care-homes, breaking our hearts as their mental faculties waned to the point they hardly recognised sons daughters and Grandchildren. Give me the choice between dying a swift covid death or ending my days confined to a small room with only a bed and comfy chair for personal possessions, only meal times to look forward to and awful television to keep me company………… I’m actually truly hoping I’ll end my days as yet another daily coroner virus statistic.

Hmm I wonder where life’s journey will take lovely Dana? I guess I’ll never know.

Dana the Romanian masseuse

A. Shepherdson 2020

London (long) weekend away 4

Part 4 of my long weekend visit to London late July 2020, today with photographs of both inside and outside the rather expensive ‘posh’ Hotel. Be sure to read postings 1 2 and 3 🙂 and all photos taken by me.

My plump cheeky ass has been complimented by several women……….. lol thought you’d be interested in that fact! 😀

A. Shepherdson 2020

(Go visit Booking.com for great last minute accommodation deals, Hotels slash prices if you’re prepared to take a risk, scour the internet and wait till the last day even.)

What could possibly go wrong?

I’m unsure how many people regularly read this WordPress anymore, lol I used to be quite popular (it’s all relative) but then I broke the golden blog rule which as we all know IS to Post ‘regularly and often’ (or is that fellatio?) Anyways not to worry I enjoy the creative process 🙂 .

I’m an impulsive sort of man, in the past I’ve chatted to a woman I hardly know online, then afternoon the following day we’re to be found f****** in a budget priced Motel bedroom….. however I’ve written those postings. Spontaneity acting without forethought could be regarded a lazy way to organise your life, carefree or reckless even, well late Thursday evening I was surfing booking.com’s webpages looking at Hotel accommodation whilst feeling an irresistible urge to visit somewhere anywhere! So after 3 months lockdown then 6 weeks unbroken work, I booked myself into a London Hotel for several nights, paid a non refundable £ by credit card soon followed by a confirmation email with the upshot being tomorrow night I’ll be sleeping in a quality Hotel bedroom (prices are unbelievably cheap at the moment)……….. fantastic!

Then I put myself to bed.

Next morning the first thought on my mind was ‘pandemic’ closely followed by ‘oh s*** the virus R rate (?) is on the increase again’ or so the media keep telling us! Move along several hours later after having consumed several mugs of mint infused tea, and calmed my frayed nerves reading the Hotel’s covid-19 precautions they’ve taken, I thought why not just go and have myself a short break in London.

(Walking across the common I overheard a woman talking to a friend “we took the kids to the Cotswold Wildlife Park and it was packed…. after a while it’s impossible to socially distance so we gave up” In other words ‘what will be will be’.)

I guess with the World gripped by a disease we’re all desperately trying to avoid catching, as highly infectious as the common cold (then again that’s another coroner), I’ve done my best however throughout Government enforced solitary confinement I’ve increasingly been asking myself “am I earning to live? Or just living to exist?”

(A wise old colleague told me that one.)

I’m not a fatalist but I have come round to thinking I’ve read far tooo many scare stories this past four months………. first the Government says avoid public transport! This past six weeks I’ve been travelling to and from Oxford for work and still here to live to tell the tale, I wear a mask, socially distance ‘Try to’ avoid touching my face, I sanitize my hands with alcohol cleaner ALL the frigging day… what more can I do? Life is a mere game of luck and chance, I could catch this nastiness at Tesco’s supermarket on the estate or anywhere so if you don’t read another posting on this WordPress you know what’s happened……. shouldn’t be flippant Andrew.

Ok I’m not climbing Mount Everest I know, I’ll take precautions, try and enjoy myself if only because we all have to return to some resemblance of normality, covid is here to stay and I need a change of scenery, anyways I have a day ticket for the famous Kew Gardens and that’s outside in the fresh air.

A. Shepherdson 2020

Impulsiveness isn’t an attractive quality

Read my Blog 🙂 , like comment Follow or unfollow it’s all good with me babes, we’re all winging it blah blah blah lol…..

I enjoy an hour or so creating a Blog, whatever happens (or doesn’t) soon after publishing is immaterial because I’ve been happy with the product of my mental gymnastics now in print, and that’s my only explanation? Anyways, I’m very pleased I’d disabled the comments, I’m happy a few people liked my musings it’s all fine with me, we should always be pleased knowing that 🙂 . As an aside, I’ll honestly switch on my PC without an idea of what I’ll write about…… sorry that’s a lie! If I’m ‘feeling hard’ and sexually aroused then it’ll be a sexually themed posting. True.

One favour perhaps don’t comment this particular post, I’m rather embarrassed with my recent (erratic) behavior, as an aside I’ll never be as popular as the women I follow lol , but hey that’s life, “suck it up buttercup!”

I’m emotionally struggling with the after tremors from this pandemic, so badly at times it hurts, my family is (really) struggling, you are struggling, f*** we’re ALL emotionally struggling trying to cope with the uncertainty and fall-out from this awful *****-19, a word that’ll never appear on this Blog again. Whether that be employment schooling or simply wondering if you’ll catch it shopping at the supermarket, there isn’t a human being walking this planet who isn’t YES struggling to adapt to a new way of living their lives…… the tragedy is the strongest will survive and the weakest will fall by the wayside, and that’s upsetting.

Perhaps the saying “live each day as if your last”, that firm favourite your wise old Grandmother used to teach you, has never been more truthful relevant also applicable…… hang in there people or is that just glib and trite?

I think I now understand what having a woman’s period feels like, (not the whinging and whining and persistent complaining), nope, because one day I’m happy to be alive the next I’m well…….., and just so as you know lol, as my Grandfather used to jokingly amusingly chide me as a child, “you’ll never kill yourself Andrew because you change your mind to often”. On reflection what a strange thing to say to a youthful teenager in jest? Then again perhaps it’s a clever re affirmation, reminding me that acting in haste is NEVER EVER a good idea.

Different times? (I miss mum’s dad everyday of my life).

One of my less admirable (attractive) character traits is impulsiveness I’m only relieved no blogger replied to my ridiculous ‘The End’ posting (I’d be tooo embarrassed to write today’s). I published late evening before turning into bed, and yes I regretted severing all ties very early the next morning. Firstly the posting didn’t need writing, secondly, as always I’ll share ‘whatever’s on my mind’ at the time, and if people enjoy fabulous, but if there’s indifference that’s also fine……….. blah blah blah 😀

It’s worth remembering, swiftly composed emails impulsively forwarded has ‘kinda’ gotten me into hot water in the past, luckily none have gotten me the sack but several in my lifetime I have regretted. Open the pages of any tabloid newspaper and you’ll read stories of a thoughtless unlucky celeb’s whining’s getting them in hot water, or a disgruntled high powered company executive’s anger getting them the sack. Both either stupid and reckless or tooo honest for their own good (though character revealing all the same), both individuals who’d impulsively written a controversial perhaps racist sexist email, the consequences to be regretted for the rest of their life. Perhaps a ‘two faced’ Tweet? Perhaps accidentally sending honest thoughts, because all our draft folders contain feelings also opinions that should never EVER be seen by another soul, luckily I’ve not yet asked Helen the secretary for a pair of her recently worn, sweaty used panties……… holy f*** I think that one actually exists!

Moral of the story, stay clear of social media/email when you’re upset or annoyed and never forward your thoughts in haste or you may repent at leisure, nope sleep on the draft, because the following morning a fresh clear mind’s clarity on re-reading will quite literally send cold hivers down your spine. I’ve been there (no not asking for women’s ‘dirty’ underwear), no the following day in a state, my heart pounding and thumping, I’ve I had to contact two work colleagues asking them to delete ‘the’ email, but each time they laughed which reveals I guess the fact they like me and know what I’m like, hmm that’s interesting yet frigging dangerously risky!

(Can asking for a female colleague’s worn knickers get someone the sack?)

What have I learnt about myself this past week on-line? I enjoy writing creating being on silly old WordPress, perhaps a little tooo much. I’m as impulsive as ever, (then again impetuous ‘written on a whim’ abandon has found me in bed with a woman I’ve been chatting to on-line these past few days, a devilish spontaneity has gotten me laid………) where was I, oh yes writing whatever is yes an enjoyable pastime.

Blah blah blah, lol read reply comment which ever it’s all good because either through talent or WordPress’s algorithms, I have never been so popular? for the seventh month on the trot my views have kept increasing? WTF? IT’S A BOY THING! Statistics numbers and lol dick lengths size matters! (Yep without fail when I gaze down at my aroused ‘hard as rock’ stiff penis, I imagine to myself ‘just think Andrew how deep inside a woman’s vagina you’ve been’ and that makes me either a mysogenist but definitely weird and truly happy, true anecdote).

The moral of today’s post. In everyday life, act in haste and you’ll repent at leisure.

On a final note there’ll be another posting next weekend (or tomorrow or whenever or lol next month? All good fun.)

A. Shepherdson 2020

(Sigh) I’m done!

Do you ever wake in the morning and just lay in bed staring at the ceiling and think to yourself ‘what’s the ******* point in getting up?’ Yes No? You’re only gonna log on to your laptop to be instantly faced with your browser’s personalised? newsfeed. Selected news stories that are truly upsetting, heart wrenching sad tales of personal tragedy, the ones where you think to yourself ‘there but for the grace of god go I’….. what’s more how did I upset my internet provider to deserve this unending stream of heart breaking near unimageable stories of human suffering, we know life’s unfair but people just don’t deserve to have their families ripped apart………. and what’s more tomorrow it could be you!

These are the reasons I don’t believe in Gods especially Muhammed and hate-filled Islam if I’m completely honest (write that in a blog and one demented extremist might find you), the reasons why I’m atheist and at peace with my choice. Lol please don’t ever stop me in the street and say “Jesus loves you”, don’t because I just might tell you to shove your nonsense or totally lose my ****! (That’s unless you’re a beautiful lady, then I’ll meekly reply “thankyou” whilst gazing longingly at your tits and thinking to myself ‘so what percentage of women don’t bother wearing panties?’) Cause I’m shallow like that. What’s more when I walk past that guy selling selling Christian pamphlets in Oxford’s city Centre, I honestly stare at him thinking to myself ‘you deluded man, shouldn’t you be handing out that nonsensical rubbish out for free, isn’t that what Jesus would have done?

Then again perhaps I should buy a few copies and then when I run out of toilet paper again, I can remove the sharp staples and use them to wipe my ass.

Living is pain depression suffering and ultimately pointless, you reach the end of your own personal journey then die hopefully knowing you’ve contributed to this beautiful planet’s ultimate destruction. Life is a simple matter of climbing out of bed, dragging your broken spirit through the day and if you’re completely truthful with yourself, hoping today will be your final day on earth……… lol now that’s cheered you up 😀 !

I really am a nice guy (hopefully seen as likeable) and yes capable of love also an empathy which makes living so emotionally draining, witnessing other people’s pain affects me deeply making me feel so unhappy…… jeeze the question of ‘does happiness really exist’ is a whole other posting and thankfully you’ll never read my opinions.

And what of this silly little blog I’ve enjoyed creating content for? (Not the reason for writing this posting btw, the prompt was six innocent human beings going about their daily business, only to die stabbed to death my two separate asylum seekers……….. and these people don’t understand why British people dislike them, and is our police force racist? Honestly? I would say they’re good men and women doing a thankless job, much the same as Doctors and Nurses.)

Enough politics, it is what it is 😦 , anyways I’m gonna have a shower then walk up to my mother’s for a natter, lol she’s the most positive person I know so she’ll soon (verbally) shake me out of my bad mood.

A. Shepherdson 2020

Me (Andrew) aged 18 years

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This is me aged 18 a young fresh faced engineering apprentice, cheeky and smiling the photograph having been taken at work by my apprentice trainer, why an earth he was taking my photograph God only knows?…………… I’m wondering is he still with us? A great guy.

Big sigh, I gaze at this photo and think to myself ‘where an earth have those thirty four years gone?’ I look at my cheeky grin and wonder ‘which of my young friends am I looking across at?’ I can remember for certain feeling embarrassed and someone close by was making some sort of funny comment………. happy days I’m so pleased I discovered this photo as for a full head of hair I’m saying nothing!

I know it’s been a while but for the first time in many months I’m happy, not so depressed and feeling positive about life because Britain appears to be reopening for business, yesterday my Boss phoned to say I may be unfurloughed and return to work Monday Morning! Fingers crossed and there’ll be a posting from there for sure.

After ten weeks of legally enforceable home detention, only a single days exercise to purchase groceries from the Supermarket, perhaps the occasional illegal visit to my mother’s for a natter and shared cup of tea, yes due to unexpected political reasons Britain is rushing out of lockdown. You may be aware last weekend our Government completely trashed it’s corona virus health policy just so as to save one political advisor, the name of Dominic Cummings might ring a bell, all I can add is this very obnoxious arrogant Machiavellian civil servant MUST be deemed so important as to justify offending the entire nation and we really are angry. Never again will Johnson be able to call on the public to make sacrifices and follow his clear health instructions, with one lie all trust and compliance disappeared in the space of hours, so now we know, rules are made for us little people to follow yet are there to be broken by the ruling elite, but isn’t that the way it’s always been?

Military Generals strategize and plan their war campaigns, but it’s only the Privates who die in the trenches, time to move on, open schools and universities, get people back to work earning money and to be honest I’m not tooo disappointed, it’s all a question of expectations and in hindsight I’d never have expected Cummings to obey the Law anyway.

Google ‘Dominic Cummings broke the rules’ if you’re intrigued, then again I wouldn’t bother.

I’ll be completely honest, as I always am on this WordPress, the first thought crossing my mind after attaching this picture of my 18 year old self was err sex! Unsurprisingly my first hypothetical question to female (or lol male) readers is, if you met this guy way back in the day 1983/4 might you have slept with this young virgin? Lol don’t answer but just so as you know this pleasant anxious guy had many issues about his looks also low self esteem to such a point he never got laid until many years later, 123 ahhhh. What plays on my mind lol today and after many recent liaisons with older women, I’m feeling disheartened because I remember opportunities presented themselves on certain evenings out say no more, and occasional readers to this Blog might already be aware (they won’t so humour me) just might remember I hadn’t yet masturbated myself to orgasm still at age 18! I know unbelievable or what!

All I can add is we lived in different more innocent times, I’m the product of a school with appalling sex education policies because incredible as it may sound to some, I hadn’t yet worked out how to use my penis properly more’s the point like most people I guess I can’t say I was overly concerned. Yes I’d purchased a second hand copy of ‘Penthouse magazine’ from my friend ‘Paul Suker’, money and pornographic contraband exchanging hands one sports afternoon in the school gymnasium changing rooms, but and this still makes me angry today ( 😀 ) just imagine the years of pleasurable me time I’d missed out on? Am I unique or were many other girls and boys of the 70s equally as naïve?

Anyways back in the good old days and yes they were, sex was rarely spoken about and MOST DEFINITLEY content WASN’T as readily accessible as now……….. just imagine my 1980s TV had 3 Channels and one of those was the BBC and if ‘auntie Beeb’ ever made the cardinal sin of showing a pair of naked female breasts on screen, questions WOULD have been asked in The Houses of Parliament, I kid you not, ‘The Viewers and Listeners Society’ that powerful 1970’s self appointed moral compass of the nation would have cited obscenity laws and executive BBC heads might have rolled.

I’m of an older generation you see (I’m old) I’d yet to use a computer for the first time, the internet and www were the stuff of science fiction films and possibly a day dream eureka moment sparking Steve Jobs imagination, as of this very moment I could google ‘naked woman’, press return and well you get the idea, yes I’d kissed girls but as yet never consensually groped let alone sex. The photo above brings back so many returning memories, break times of listening to fellow apprentice dating tales (or bs stories who knows), secondhand lurid accounts of fingering girlfriends the evening before and yes young men spare few details in close company, hmm… I guess that’s how unfortunate young ladies garner a ‘bad’ reputation, then again I have a sense girls are NO different when chatting amongst friends.

Anyways moving on!

I discovered the above photograph whilst clearing out my spare room, thirty plus years have passed by for heavens sake, and gazing at my youthful cheeky grinned self again I can remember this moment snapped in time as if yesterday, in hindsight I don’t lol think I was such a bad looking young man, perhaps if I’d been a little more cavalier on our apprentice nights out together, not been as shy also blessed with the self confidence and silver tongues possessed by several colleagues, looking back I know I passed on opportunities (judge me), you don’t need reminding thoughts of sex cross a young mans imagination once every 3 minutes. Back in the day at breaktimes, we fifteen used to sit on a wall outside the apprentice training college and watch attractive young women walk past, and whether you ‘men hating lesbian feminists’ agree with me or not, these young women adored the admiring looks and good natured attention. Happy days.

Err not the posting I’d intended to write, but not to worry sooon I might be back at work which makes me very happy 🙂 . 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Holiday time is well and truly over

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Now I have to work from home the same as everyone else!

I had a severe reality check Wednesday afternoon, I’m not joking for effect because although lockdown this past 7 weeks has been a living hell, self isolating in my home for 23 hours each and every day being near intolerable, but if I’m honest with you dear readers, in some respects slipping into a routine of doing very little can be likened to a staycation. I’ll not lie waking of a morning at 9am beats my pre-pandemic 5.45am hands down, better still COVID restrictions mean I don’t have to queue at the bus top then endure a 1 hour commuter ride into Oxford, crammed like sardines in a tin rubbing shoulders with 50 other weary commuters. Yep lockdown does have its upside, I’m doing very little to keep my brain active and the Government pays my wages!

Oh yes returning to Wednesday’s afternoon!

Well first I receive a text saying my boss will arrive outside my home within minutes, also a reminder to socially distance at all times and we’d better get used to it because this is the new normality. Then just as I finished reading my text a Van pulls up outside my home, so I stepped out into the May sunshine to meet with my work boss, a guy I hadn’t seen for nearly 2 months and I think we both enjoyed the banter and conversation. Then he opened the rear doors to his Van and placed a selection of computer equipment between us on the pavement. 

As you can glean from my photograph of a newly assembled computer workstation, my employer has purchased new laptops, screens and peripherals so that we Technicians can work from home, yep a reality check that my 7 week holiday time is well and truly over. But having to work from home isn’t so bad, I’m emailing colleagues and I’ve sensed these past several weeks being isolated from work is taking a mental toll, is emotionally draining and beginning to affect my mental health. So after quickly Googling to find out the cost of all this Dell equipment I discovered the new laptop cost £1000 alone! And wow after switching on and downloading the required software I soon realised this laptop is a powerful amazing piece of tech………… shame it’ll have to be returned one day.

Now I have to draw on my reserves of self-discipline, get myself into a routine frame of mind and work, there’ll be no more sitting in my garden enjoying the warm sunshine on my face. But seeing my boss after such a long time was a reminder of how much I’m missing social interaction with my work colleagues, a reminder that when the sun’s out and the temperatures rise so do dress and skirt hemlines! Sigh, there’ll be no Female secretaries wearing transparent summer blouses or girly age 18+ students with exposed long legs, no cute young Researchers with shapely boobs clothed in loose fitting tee shirts, you know the ones where she leans forward and the viewer gets a flash of pink boobs, however not this year, 2020 will be a disappointment in so many different ways. 

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So back to work it is along with hundreds of other employees working from home, solitary independent individuals who’s only connection is by means of the internet, hmm I’m wondering post pandemic might this be the workplace of the future? 

A. Shepherdson 2020

My Toolbox, only trouble is… it’s at Work!

‘Working for a living adds purpose to life and a reason to get out of bed every weekday morning’

After 6 weeks of lockdown (legally enforced home detention) I’m sooo mind numbingly bored, the day to day tedium of eating and sleeping, one daily walk, perhaps masturbating, and living on my own is draining me of all spirit and enthusiasm to live, I’m NOT necessarily complaining mind, because we’re all fed up with these COVID-19 restrictions, all upset by tragic heart wrenching News stories that test our emotional resilience, to such a point many of us no longer watch the horror and limit our exposure just so as to remain sane! 

If truth be told I’m missing my workplace, I long for the social interaction with colleagues, to see their friendly faces, listen to amusing tales and funny stories, share anecdotes and gossip about who’s alledgidly having an affair (I work in a large institution where gossip is everywhere!) I’m missing the comradery and banter nurtured over the many years we’ve worked together, I miss chatting about yesterday’s soccer matches, putting the world’s to rights, complaining about Management and yes social interaction with female secretaries or admiring (18+) shapely ‘girly’ students……. those f###ing filthy Chinese and their disgusting insanitary non existent food hygiene habits have a lot to answer for!

(Or was covid released from a Lab?)

Yes I’m increasingly frustrated but most of all I’m harbouring feelings of rage, angry at these disgusting b******* who’ve robbed good decent people of their paid occupations, changed lives forever, and tragically so many people have lost relatives before their natural time, such a needless waste of life and heartbreakingly avoidable……. And yes I’ll freely admit to having walked past Asians and felt like voicing my anger, giving them a piece of my mind, of course I don’t but I understand why these people are being racially abused, and yes I felt terribly sorry for the Nottingham Chinese lady who was doused with hot coffee by abusive van drivers, yes unfair and uncalled for, but I understand the reasons why.

Why? Because whatever happens after this pandemic is over our lives will never be the same as before, those experts telling you how life will change are lying because no one knows how this will end, but be sure of one thing IT will end!

As usual my stream of consciousness has strayed.

The reason for this posting was an excuse to share a short video my workbench, the reasons why I filmed easy to explain simply because I’d been ‘test driving’ my new smart phone camera……. but watching once again I miss my workbench terribly, between the hours of 7.30am-4.30pm I’ll use those hand tools throughout the day, I’ve sat at this bench 5 days a week for the past 15 years, I’m comfortable relaxed and at ease with the world when I’m making parts or putting kit together, I know my way around these tool chests so well, and lol rather sadly, I can instinctively choose the correct required tool to such a point you could blindfold me and I’ll find whatever you ask for.

I miss my toolboxes so much so it actually hurts, now I’m wondering if those 3 bananas are still there!

(Having said all OF that I can’t say as I miss my boss 😀 )

Photographs taken (by me) from within my place of work, technically I shouldn’t be publishing them but after carefully scanning I can’t see anything tooo incriminating.

So now I’m wondering post pandemic will I ever work again?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Plagiarism on WordPress

'Can I have your password before you croak?'

(Having said all below I wouldn’t worry yourselves, certain niches of creativity for example poetry might be copied, but as for daily bloggers you know writing about life, sharing thoughts and opinions I’d guess there’ll be ok…. anyways an interesting conversation all the same?)

Plagiarism on WordPress goes on, thieving of a blogger’s written thoughts and ideas happens, we all know it does and I guess it’s part and parceled in with the Gig…. not a victimless crime and the phrase ‘cest la vie’ comes to mind, but I’d love to understand the motivation of people who do it, what drives them to start a blog, copy other writer’s poetry and pass it off as their own? Can’t be the money because come on, does anyone really make enough here to live on?

Perhaps the problem is down to darker motives, envious of another’s popularity, wishing for thousands of followers (do they all read?) Coveting the hundreds of likes beneath a post, jealous of a comments thread 20 30 40 readers long, bitterness at the knowledge blog friendships nurtured over sometimes years are such fun. Yep I understand the attraction for the lonely, we all wish to be liked also popular, we all enjoy social interaction but plagiarising content just isn’t right.

My suggestion is give ‘original’ writing a crack… see where it takes you? Or perhaps a  photo blog?

Plagiarism! def: The practice of taking someone else’s work or ideas and passing them off as one’s own.

My ‘Jojo Rabbit’ will follow sooon I promise, but I’ve thoughts of plagiarism on my mind, I’ve also to write of my experience dating a real life blogger I first met on WordPress, we became chatty in comments as you do, and writers I follow might knowingly smile because I enjoy commenting blogs I love reading….. and no one has labelled me a stalker… yet!

Those Posts will come, better to have tooo many ideas than none at all.

In my time loitering around this internet backwater largely left alone by assholes and bullies, I put that solely down to the lack of money making opportunities, writers are tooo intelligent to be taken in by scammers, and middle aged sex obsessed men don’t make for great marketing hook-ups unless you’re flogging condoms or private sexual disease treating clinics.

Where was I? Oh yes plagiarism, the theft of words and ideas. Before the lady finished blogging for good, a fabulous Canadian writer name ‘Skinny and Single’ recounted tales of posts she’d had stolen, rewritten onto fake blogs edited by sad individuals, ‘Skinny’ at the time was a blogging superstar. Then there’s my own tawdry 1000 word tales of bedroom sexual liaisons, fun facts about vaginas and observations of the human female mammal, have any of my posts been copied? ‘Skinny and Single’ replied my question, saying in comments ‘You will have been copied’. 

‘Such is life’ 🙂 .

So have I been ripped off? Not that I know of, but after several years blogging, and hundreds of posts written I have NO doubt a post (or two) has been copied and pasted onto another’s blog, with their authorship beneath….. so do I wish to be notified? No not really, arguments would ensue, profanities exchanged, there’d be anger and we know how dangerous it is to make enemies on the internet, IP’s can be traced and I’m just not into dramatic conflict.

So if you enjoy classics such as ‘Fun facts’ about the human female Vagina go click here!

But I have no doubt I’d be upset, to read someone’s authorship beneath my post knowing how challenging I find the process would hurt, but I guess unfortunately plagiarism comes part of the Gig. As for me I’ve never copied, ffs where’s the fun in that! Yes I’ll read a Cosmipoliton magazine sex survey, feel empowered to run with the idea and then write my own responce……. prompting discusion is ok, theft is wrong.

Have I breached Copyright? Have I frigging ever! This Blog is littered by photos downloaded stolen borrowed from the internet, yes guilty as charged and I guess I’m not proud of that, they enhance a post, make for lol fun clickbait, entice draw readers in…. hopefully! I guess I shouldn’t but I do attribute ownership where possible and I never pass off as my own.  

(After a 5 minute period of introspection where hot ‘mint’ tea was consumed.) 

Yes I agree with Hester in South Africa… if you wish to download one of my own photos feel free to do so, just don’t say it belongs to you 🙂 .

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

 

 

Intolerant Veganism!

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Just last week five British Supreme court judges ruled veganism can now be classified as a religion, yep no different to Islam Christianity and any other faith humans wish to follow. You’ll have to Google (if you really can be bothered) to read the case details and ramifications, because mark my words vegans can be an intolerant bunch, many with a political sinister agenda for sweeping change, if you eat meat then be prepared for persecution because they’re after us carnivores, and if you don’t agree with these fanatical uncompromising zealots then be prepared to change your eating habits……….. Oxford’s already experienced demonstrations demanding supermarkets stop selling dairy cows milk and more will follow.

That’s enough talk of religion.

This evening’s news was dominated by the horrific fires sweeping across Australia, heart wrenching scenes and a manmade global warming disaster that’s killed human life, consumed millions of acres of forest, reduced thousands of homes to ash and most upsetting of all animals, birds, reptiles and insects have perished, one billion to be exact including 30% of all koala bear population. I had to shut down my computer because the devastation, photos and wildlife deaths reduced me to tears, first the Amazon rainforest burned now all Australia and the magnitude was emotionally all too much.

One billion lost for Christ’s sake.

(I like vegans… really I do!)

So where does veganism fit into this tragic tale? Each and every morning on the way to work I call in at my local supermarket and buy a sealed plastic tray of blueberries, and everyday I feel awful because reading their country of origin near stings my eyes.

That country changes sometimes several times a week, they can be sourced from Chile, Peru, South Africa, Morocco and so many more, I glance up and down the fruit isle and there are punnets of strawberries from Holland, grapes from Algeria, there’s African dates, Turkish soft apricots and almonds from California………. ALL plant based produce requiring vast acres of forest land and gallons of fresh drinking water by the millions.

So I ask you at what point does farming plant based food (a fact forgotten by those ‘holier than thou’ self satisfied vegans) be classed as the devastation and destruction of wild natural habitats?

You want aovocado on toast for breakfast? Then understand they’re flown in by jet aircraft and farmed by Panamanian mafia gangs.

And don’t get me started on the tonnes of aviation fuel required to transport this tasty fresh produce across the globe? Airplane jet engines belching out tonnes of CO2 gases into the atmosphere, not forgetting the litres of water required to grow let’s say, a single raspberry bush………. and please don’t question my fruit growing horticultural knowledge because I grow my own raspberries!

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One of my raspberry bushes

So my message to vegans and their new religion is before you lambast us meat eating Nazis, remember veganism has a far greater environmental cost to this once beautiful natural world!

Rant over and I’m as guilty as the next man.

Pray for Australian wildlife if you believe in God, and let’s ALL change our buying habits shall we? I guess that means no more blueberries for breakfast 😞 .

A. Shepherdson 2020

Google street and Lilly’s mini convertable

Mild sex themes and written just for fun. Intrigued? Then please read on.

So Andrew why retell this true story in a blog? Well sex themed posts are a lot of fun to write and this one’s definitely unusual, mind you ladies names must be changed or you just might receive angry NO furious texts 11 o’clock at night, a long story read here…….. though on reflection I wouldn’t bother.

So with secrecy also discretion clearly in mind, let us name our lady err Lilly!

Don’t you think ‘Google street view’ is the most amazing website ever created? Now here’s a switched stream of consciousness for you. Ten years ago the thought that you could log onto a PC, enter a house number into a Google search engine, press ‘click’ and you’d be whisked to the exact location on a digital map was the stuff of dreams, you can even do this on a phone for heaven’s sake. What’s more you can move a yellow avatar, drop him onto the chosen house number and by the wonders of near science fiction itself, the screen will change to a street level photograph looking directly at the house you’re searching for.

Incredible, and because human beings are prone to breaking the law, you’ll gaze at alternative views and in effect ‘case the joint’, garden gates that may be unlocked, windows that could well be left open, all in all a website that’s tailor made tool for house burglars.

One evening several years ago, laptop to hand sat in a comfy living room chair, I located my own home on Google street having decided to take a nose around my neighbourhood, we’ve all done this and fascinating this car like journey can be to.

(As an aside my mother discovered a neighbour had built a swimmng pool in the garden she hadn’t known about! 😀 )

Ahh before I continue, below are two ‘screen shot’ images of my own home taken from Google street, but note all sensitive information has been blanked out, I don’t want any cat burglars robbing my home when I’m out!

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Incidentally, many years ago I was standing at a bus stop yes waiting for a bus, and this van slowly drove past with the name Google emblazened across the side, and with what looked like a tripod fixed to the roof taking 360 degree photos from the road, I’ve since located that bus shelter to see if the camera captured me but of course all us prospective passengers were blurred out.

BTW as is the number plate of the stationary Mini convertible outside my home.

Anyways there I sat driving an imaginary car ‘up and down’ this quiet street I live in, and I can distinctly remember wondering who an earth owned that white Mini half parked on the pavement? Now I don’t own this sporty little car, neither do my neighbours nor any of my friends family or acquaintances. Well this started to bother me, just be aware I live in a very quiet neighbourhood with lots of road parking space, yet this Mini sat directly opposite my front door, no question in my mind the owner was visiting me, was I out perhaps at work? Who were they?

Then after half an hour or so of wracking my brains, like a streak of lightening I remembered it was Lilly’s car, yes at that very moment a Google van drove past, this young lady was inside my house and now I remembered she’d said her own car was being serviced in a garage, and she’d been loaned a white Mini courtesy car for the day.

Well I was chuckling to myself well pleased I’d solved this worrisome conundrum, then lol a second more wicked thought crossed my mind, and yes as I zoomed in closer to the second floor bedroom window, the curtains were drawn closed and note in the daytime, why would my curtains be CLOSED? 

I know exactly why, Lilly was in my bedroom that’s why! 😄

Well turns out at the very second the Google street van drove past photographing my house, for absolute certain I can say without any shadow of doubt, Lilly and I were having sex in BED together, now there’s a thought, could even have been the very moment I climaxed as she rode my penis cowgirl. Now if you are interested and I know you are, cowgirl is my very favourite position, heavenly sex for lazy men. I can visualise Lilly now with her long blonde hair, a pretty ‘blank’ year old with trim figure firm strong thighs straddling my groin as she breathlessly rode me like a female jockey astride her stallion.

(I mean sitting on her horse ‘bobbing up and down’ as it raced to the finish line!)

Keep up 😀 . 

Lovely lady was Lilly, with her firm to grasp high round boobs and bubbly personality, I’ve seldom had more enjoyable fantastic sex than with Lilly, she could even swallow my entire 160mm shaft down her throat……….. with condom fitted of course. Hmm happy days and she had the cutest little kitty!

Now come on! Tell me if I’m wrong, what are the chances that anyone can pin point where they were, or what they were doing at the time Google chose to ‘upload’ a photo of their home on the internet?

Can you ‘top’ that with your own unusual tale of coincidences conundrums and science fiction technology? 

A. Shepherdson 2019

Daytrip to London (photos)

Several weekends ago, eagle eyed readers to this WordPress may have seen my architectural series of posts titled Trellick Tower! Well seeing as I was in London I took many photos throughout the day and thought I’d share within a post, and why not because I really enjoy looking at personal photos from bloggers I follow.

A London themed ‘photo dump’……………. as the cool internet bloggers say!

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The impressive building to the left, overlooking an ice rink! Is the world famous Natural History Museum

Is it me feeling jaded and forgetful, or do Christmas celebrations seem to arrive earlier and earlier each year? Hmm I’d guess a mixture of both or in other words I’m getting old!

Read More »

Sandro’s Café

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A traditional English breakfast and yes tasting good as it looks 😀

Are you familiar with that British culinary tradition ‘the fried English Breakfast’? I’d suggest even if you live abroad you’ll have heard us non vegans may well start the day with a fried egg bacon and sausage, a side order of buttered slices of bread and a steaming hot mug of builder’s tea! Now be aware I don’t begin everyday eating this ‘fat laden’ potential heart attack, but if I’m day tripping in London (for example my visit to Trellick Tower) I will attempt to find a High Street Café such as Sandro’s in Notting Hill N. London.

……… and NO this post isn’t another themed Trellick Tower!

I prefer to travel light if I’m out and about on a weekend, a rucksack camera waterproof jacket and a little cash is all I require, well after several underground train rides earlier this November, I walked a short distance into the heart of Notting Hill and happened across Sandro’s pictured below. A traditional English cafeteria which has all but disappeared from our High Streets, they do survive and can be found in large Towns and Cities but more often than not these cafés have been replaced by that culinary cancer that IS McDonalds………………. you’ll never find me eating a ‘Big Mac’ in these God awful ‘restaurants’, identical neon eyesores you’ll see the length and breadth of Britain devoid of all character and tradition.

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Sandro’s Café, Notting Hill in North London

Yes I agree Sandro’s doesn’t appear the most upmarket looking establishment from the outside, though once inside, heat from cooking stoves warming the coldest customers walking in from ice cold November Streets, this ‘homely’ café with white Formica tables and London photos adorning its walls, has a welcoming ambiance befitting the average working man or woman.

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And I wonder is that Sandro himself preparing my breakfast behind his counter? No idea, lovely food though and ALL for a little over £5, which surprised even me knowing how expensive London is to live in these days! Burn every KFC and McDonalds to the ground that’s what I say, and let’s have a return to our traditional English cafeterias please 🙂 .

(I AM joking btw.)

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 My London Transport train ticket for the day, 09 NOV 19

Now I’m the first to admit I’m far from a particularly skilled photographer, but I’ll always have my small £8 eBay digital camera to hand (all the photos on this my WordPress are snapped by this internet bargain buy), and as well as taking photos of Brutalist 1970s Tower Blocks, I’m sharing pictures of London taken that same day………. not particularly noteworthy APART from I do enjoy looking at ‘naturalistic’ personal photographs, especially if taken by bloggers I follow from across the globe.

A London themed ‘photographic dump’ (a phrase the cool kids use) to follow.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

‘Bonnie & Carol’

Perhaps the reason for feeling so down these last few months is little easier to explain than Brexit, the never ending bombardment of truly apocalyptic awful news stories near drain the life out of me, so much so and truthfully I haven’t watched a complete edition of TV News in probably three years!

(Shameful, that’s truly what’s called sticking one’s head in the sand.)

And yes you did read that correctly, I’ll go further I seldom read Brexit news stories emblazoned across my workmates daily copy of ‘The Metro’ newspaper and ANNOYINGLY I have no choice at the moment, Brexit news stories appear on my laptop homepage and I cannot get rid of them! Yes I’ll Log-on to be presented with a feed of ‘personalised’ stories chosen by Microsoft because apparently I either need or wish to read them! I don’t, but there’s ALWAYS one story that will suck and draw me in, guaranteed to leave me despairing hopeless and thoroughly depressed.

Or perhaps the sadness I feel is that I’m nursing a belated broken heart, you see my father passed away last Spring and now after that first shock, days of funeral preparations, the emotionally draining cremation has long passed, perhaps my state of mind is little harder to explain than a delayed reaction? We weren’t that close and now I harbor guilty feelings……. but there you are life goes on 🙂 .

Brexit and personal grief are a ghastly combination enough to drain the life blood out of even the most optimistic of cheery souls. Then again perhaps my current downhearted despair is little harder to explain than I haven’t slept with a woman in what seems ages, after all the fleeting ‘pleasures’ a male’s righthand brings has its limitations! An afternoon with Diana would truly gladden the heart, rejuvenate and nourish my downbeat soul, I love her beautiful Polish mind and gorgeous body and seldom felt more alive than when laying beside this wonderful sexy siren’s naked body…………..Diana’s the most exquisite firm plump tits you ever did see ❤ . 

Now lol I’ve truly romantic ‘powerful’ ballads performed by two icons of 1980s popular culture, Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse Of The Heart’ and Carol Decker’s ‘China In Your Hand’, they never fail to bring a cheer my sad soul and modern day classic tunes from my youth, just one thing! Make sure you turn up the volume and play them LOUD!!!

A. Shepherdson 2019

Accent’s and Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick In The Wall’

“All in all I’m justa! Another brick in the wall”

(Choir of Islington Green School 1979.)

My favourite blogger LA over at wakingupthewrongsideof50 has been discussing accents, by that I mean the spoken accents we all have, either a product of the surroundings we were brought up in, or a particular way of speaking imprinted upon us by our parents. As for myself and thanks for asking I have a regional shires accent, Oxfordshire to be more exact and more than a little rural when played back to my listening ear………….. and for some reason or other a Polish lady I work with has trouble understanding what I say? Makes me laugh anyways as she leans in because I just know she’s having problems! 

I haven’t posted on this Blog for months now though I do avidly read the latest thoughts and writings from bloggers I’ve followed for many months, even years! But as for me I’ve kinda fallen out of love with life, I’d suggest the fragile human spirit isn’t strong enough having to live through Britain’s Brexit debacle, so much so I rarely watch the News anymore which isn’t a healthy way to live and guess what? I’ve started receiving Party political junk mail through the post………………….. can anyone tell me if there’s an election on the way?

(So unfortunately Boris didn’t die in a ditch after all!)

Oh yes returning to accents or the distinctive way of pronouncing language.

Reading through comments also replies to LA’s recent post on the whole written by Americans, I was struck by the number of commenters who were of the same opinion, namely we’re elitist towards certain groups of people based solely on the way that they speak. Yes we do judge one another’s intelligence dependent on their accent and yes regrettably we do assume certain regional accents are superior or inferior to our own, and I’d suggest will have a part to play on how far we progress in life, or our ‘given choice’ of employment. 

Although distinct British accents are perhaps disappearing I have my favourites also those that grate on my ear so to speak. Sad to say I’m lol neither a fan of the ‘Liverpudlian’ or Birmingham’s ‘Brummie’ accent which does come across as slightly dim witted (awful to admit), though I do love the broad Yorkshire accent of my Grandfather and have a particular soft spot for a North Londoner’s accent………. cockney is a little tooo comedic for my ears and by that I’m not referring to Dick Van Dykes laughable rendition in ‘Mary Poppins’, no I have to admit I do love a North London.

So why have I attached Pink Floyd’s iconic video ‘Another Brick In The Wall’, to a post themed accents? Listen to this brilliant song and in particular to the chorus rendition sung by (and starring) a London children’s choir, and those attuned to British accents will recognise their North London pronunciation…….…. though lol I fear those ‘across the pond’ won’t think it particually noteworthy.

(As an aside I was their exact age back in 1979!)

Band Engineer Nick Griffin recorded the children singing the verse at Islington Green School, close to Pink Floyd’s studio. Alun Renshaw, head of music at the school, said later: “I wanted to make music relevant to the kids – not just sitting around listening to Tchaikovsky. I thought the lyrics were great – ‘We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control’ … I just thought it would be a wonderful experience for the kids.”

Renshaw apparently hid the lyrics from the headmistress Margaret Maden, fearing she might stop the recording. Maden said: “I was only told about it after the event, which didn’t please me. But on balance it was part of a very rich musical education.” Renshaw and the children spent a week practicing before he took them to a recording studio near the school. According to Ezrin, when he played the children’s vocals to Waters, “there was a total softening of his face, and you just knew that he knew it was going to be an important record”.

In exchange for performing vocals, the children of Islington Green School received tickets to a Pink Floyd concert, an album, and a single. The footnote to this tale is following a change to UK copyright law in 1996, the children’s choir members became eligible for royalties from broadcasts, and after royalties agent Peter Rowan traced the choir members through ‘Friends Reunited’, they successfully lodged a claim for royalties with the Performing Artists’ Media Rights Association in 2004.

So if there’s any conclusion to be made from this afternoon’s post, we all have our favourite spoken accents, we shouldn’t (but do) judge a person’s worth and intellect by the way they speak and yes Islington’s North London children’s choir is awesomely fabulous…………………. I do hope you listened!

A. Shepherdson 2019 

‘Join me on this journey’ into Women’s Bras

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I chose this photograph because She’s a fine looking woman 🙂

‘Not a lot of people know this’ (a Michael Caine quote), but according to WordPress Statistics each and every single week, no less than forty-six occasions throughout this May alone! One particular post written by me June 19 2018 has been viewed from right across the Globe, and studying said statistics as I’m prone to do whenever bored, I can also tell you ‘that post’ is also my most viewed EVER!!!

I’m truly grateful and genuinely humbled btw.

Now I’m neither bragging or showing off, certainly not lauding this my original piece of writing as a gem of modern literature, (f#ck no), in fact I’m rather surprised this one is the most popular of all 190! So after a protracted prolonged build up I can tell you Andrew’s most viewed post is:

‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

So there you, in some respects I’m unsurprised a bra post is number one because internet aficionados tell us 90% of internet traffic is sex themed, not to worry though I’m rather chuffed and why not.

Two reasons for this evening’s ‘Blog’. Several day ago the fabulous LA of wakingupthewrongsideof50 noticed a blogging phenomena I’d not really thought about until then, I’ll quote in her own words,

‘Bloggers that gave up quickly: I noticed a pattern among them. Almost every one of them used the phrase “Join me (us) on this journey”. I have now decided that those words are the bloggers kiss of death. If you write these words on your first blog you are not going to survive.

Why?

As I have not done a research study on this, I can only give you my humble (?) opinion. When you use the word “Join” you are specifically writing to an audience. You expect that people will listen. Bad expectation.’

LA’s Join Me on This Journey post has itself become very popular amongst blogging readers because as she goes on to say, ‘anyone who has written for WordPress knows you blog for yourself’, with all your heart and soul you want to be read, to have followers, to be liked, to be commented and replied to, however writing for an audience is not the reason you blog.

Sadly (and yes I genuinely mean sadly) if you set tooo higher expectations of yourself, write with the expectation hundreds of people will read, then I’m afraid this will only make you unhappy because apart from a lucky minority (who work very hard btw) fame and popularity will pass you by. 😦 A sad truth and only ONE of many reasons why you have to write for yourself, though take heart people will eventually read and follow your writing journey.

I said two reasons. I’ll come to said second in a Mo!

I wrote ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras’ (did I tell you this is my most viewed ever?) For no other reason than I had an absolute blast possibly because it’s the type of post that gets me sexually aroused. Anyways I blogged this many months ago and ever since publishing week by week people across the Globe people have viewed (finger’s crossed enjoyed), and if there is a moral to this story then it’s write for yourself, embrace the creative process and whatever transpires is a welcome bonus.

Oh yes reason number two for this evening’s post! Well I have written yet another bra themed tale featuring women’s boobs and cleavage, which in turn gave me the reason idea to reblog ‘An open apology……….’ and why not ablogfromtheuk is my very own WordPress.

Tomorrow: ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

Sunday: ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage.’

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Helen’s office window

🙂 A ‘penny for your thoughts’ dear Readers and NO this isn’t a sexual Post!

I’m curious to know if this photo below speaks to you? No SERIOUSLY, gaze at this woolly mammoth and I’d suggest after a moments thoughtful contemplation your emotional reaction will be similar to my own!! Well I’m hoping so, because my imagination struggles to appreciate this living breathing animal actually existed and isn’t a product of CGI science fiction.

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A relative of the modern Elephant, they went extinct 3000-10000 years ago.

So did you take a good long look at this majestic shaggy Beast? Imagined it roaming ice-age Siberia Tundra, or perhaps a similar furry specimen, with its small ears to limit heat loss in sub zero temperatures, following the route of the £1.5 billion A14 Cambridge to Huntingdon road improvement scheme.

Huh?

You may be unaware a pair of ‘British’ mammoths were discovered here in 2018, and who knows perhaps the last two remaining species alive before receding glaciers covering prehistoric England pushed them into extinction!

So what an earth is the point to this evening’s Post? Baring in mind I know absolutely ‘diddly-squat’ about palaeontology, other than a great many Dinosaur skeletons have been discovered around Oxfordshire these past 200 years.

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And yes, I’m genuinely mesmerised by these Googled digital images.

Several weeks ago my Workplace Human Resources Manager by the name of err Helen? (Her name befits my tale) ‘forwarded’ an email ordering me to visit and speak with her 9am Friday morning, nothing to worry about other than a general housekeeping chat and check up on how I’m feeling, lol a long story. 

Now comfortably seated within her office, a cup of steaming coffee positioned on the desk in front of me, I’m silently looking across at this 35year old slim woman with mousy brown hair, pleasant in appearance and busying herself looking through Andrew’s medical records forward to her by Occupational Health. And yes I’d be lying if a wicked thought hadn’t momentarily crossed my imagination, visions of Helen bent forward over her desk ‘skirt pulled up, knickers down’ me giving her kitty ‘a good seeing to’ from behind!

‘Doesn’t everyone daydream of sexual possibilities with their work colleagues?’

Where was I? Oh yes woolly mammoths!!

Feeling bored and day dreamy, I glanced sideways through Helen’s office window looking across buff stoned University Colleges and distant open fields of South Oxfordshire beyond, a truly magnificent view for one reason! The 8th Floor of our Department’s workplace is in fact the tallest building across the whole of Oxford City, a ‘skyscraper’ constructed for unknown reasons many an employee has wondered about over the past 50 years.

“How an earth did the original planning application ever get approved, when Oxford’s strict planning laws limit buildings to no more than three stories tall?” 

Visit the 8th Floor, and you’ll see unobstructed panoramic views of dreaming Spires, ‘buff coloured’ Colleges and immaculate pea green lawns enclosed within high walled Quadrangles…………… jeeze, some Council Official must have been drunk at his desk the day this 8 story planning application passed through his hands?

Not to worry, when you are summoned to HR by ‘mousy’ Helen the real joy is admiring stunning City views through her office window, and it was at this moment I found myself momentarily whisked back thousands of years in time, near unbelievable vistas and visions of woolly mammoth giant elephant like beasts roaming across icy cold windswept Tundra landscapes, and what’s even more incredible these thoughts weren’t the product of any far fetched science fiction! I had to near prick my skin reminding myself these magnificent beasts ACTUALLY LIVED quietly plodding along (as elephants do) thousand year old tracks across this same land, and that truly blows my mind!

Then catching me unawares! Helen looks up into my face ready to begin her Friday cosy catchup conversation and with that all dreams of woolly mammoths disappear to be replaced by Helen’s lovely smile 😀 .

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Is Lust really a deadly sin?

If you are happily married, or happily co-habiting, you may find this post morally challenging though hopefully not, as always it’s just Andrew thinking out aloud 🙂 .

(Part2 follows, I have a lady neighbour who owns a dog!)

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Can two people be ‘only ever’ just good friends?

During those idle moments when one’s mind tends to wander there’s a question I often ask myself, would I sleep with a unhappily happily married woman?

The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a real favourite of mine and not because of Meg Ryan’s awesomely faked orgasm, a performance that’s more than a little disturbing to us men! No I’m fascinated by the premise at the story’s heart, the question Billy actually asks Meg namely can two people be ‘just good friends’ without the relationship becoming sexual OR heading that way until intelligence and good sense makes people stop and think! Can you be friends with that ‘special’ person at work without becoming romantically involved?

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Can I sit on your face? (NSFW)

Now I’d guess above is possibly the most unusual blog Title you’ve come across today, but here’s a thing I’ve got an interesting anecdote for you, remember Gemma with the wet kitty? Well this tale features Chantelle another adorable sexy lady I’ve bumped into on my journey through life 😉 .

Jeeze a producer could take these two stories, weave into a narrative joining the sexy scenes together, choose from two age40+ actresses to play the female roles cause they’re always moaning about the lack of work for older women, then make a film about a guy’s oral bedroom escapades!…………….. ok perhaps not 😀 .

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😮 I’m not joking when I say I could hardly breath!

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Is objectifying the naked human body (either sex) acceptable?

A post not to ‘overthink’ about for tooo long. And used in the correct circumstances ‘that phrase’ is justifiable! 🙂 .

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I see absolutely nothing wrong with the image above, PeTA took a lot of abuse for this one but really? Perhaps if this beautiful black lady was a white blue eyed blonde……… then again she’d be politically incorrect!!

My two blogging rules of thumb are, to enjoy the writing creativity process and would I enjoy reading? If yes then I publish, if I regale the beauties of a woman’s wonderous body then all’s the sweeter 😀 .

Sexism (noun): prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women on the basis of sex.

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Another day. Another Twitter sh#tstorm!

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“Here’s a pic of me at work… think about this before your derogatory comments, animals,” Harris posted under this picture on Twitter

I do love the internet because amongst all the horror stories from across the globe, on any single day you can always be guaranteed Twitter will become engulfed by a social media shitstorm, a polarised debate between two opposing groups of mortally offended keyboard warriors working themselves up into a frenzy.

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Missionary (& NSFW)

I guess the truly intriguing side to WordPress is musing ‘I wonder who reads my blog?’ Hmm interesting, so previously in a blog post I’ve told you the length of an average erect penis, you may be aware Karina is a lady I meet inside Motels, and btw not even I know what the following post will be about?

(A Charles Dickens themed London trip follows sooon!)

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I was reminiscing the other day, recalling happy memories, enjoying thinking about the women I’ve slept with throughout my adult life, now without breaking confidences my Virginity was taken many years ago by a lovely lady named err let’s call her Jemma, yes not her name but Jemma suits her. Now I’ll refrain from letting you in on that wonderful afternoon because I’ve already written a post sharing that fabulous experience, very emotional and possibly the best afternoon of my life…………. btw this tale will appear on a blog near you sooon! 

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WOW you’ve a cute Ass! (NSFW)

Erotic flash fiction (original & by meee!)  

Never assume that guy standing behind you in ‘The Deli’ queue is deciding which soft cheeses to buy!

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Standing behind you in our shared bus queue, so close I could reach out my arms encircle your waist and draw you close into me, that hard bump below, my aroused groin pressing deep against your shapely pert bottom nestling between two barely visible peach shaped ass cheeks…………… but alas I can’t, I shan’t, I won’t nor ever would………. I value my reputation, cherish my liberty tooo dearly to put my fingers inside a sugary delicious sweetie jar. 

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SATS, niece & Bugsy Malone!

Intriguing Title no? Call this post Creative Writing part 2 or whatever lol.

SATS 1 use

Yesterday was both lovely and sad, lovely because my sibling and daughter came over to stay over for the night with my mother, sad because we all as a family visited my father in Hospital, not the most enjoyable of experiences but there you old age creeps up on every one of us and the best we can do is make life comfortable for him.

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Donald Trump’s America

Genuine colour photographs taken of Britain in the 1950s, the member’s of the public pictured aren’t actors and the film hasn’t been colourised! (Alas I’ve misplaced the link to the website.)

🙂 I’d loved to have lived in 1950’s England, but I’m wondering was life back then as idyllic as the photos suggest? Or am I suffering from a condition that afflicts many people my age, wishing for ‘the good old days’ that never were! 

Because I’m a Brit I don’t follow closely all the political goings on within America unlike in my own Great Britain, a broken Country that once had ‘it all’ then either gave ‘it all’ away or had it taken, a once great nation, the trouble is now I cannot avoid watching awful Brexit news and Brexit madness across the internet.

Anyways returning to my theme today, America! 

I’ve never visited the US and would love to one day before I ‘pop my clogs’ so to speak, I’m really am a big fan, whether following politics or life in general America is captivating and enthralling. Yes I’m a political animal who’s chosen not to discuss politics and religion on the internet, forthright opinions only upset and annoy readers so what’s the point, and I’m convinced people are more interested in writing as an antidote to real life as opposed to………….. jeeze where do I honestly begin?

Viewing America from over here on the opposite side of the pond I’m a fascinated observer, I’m a space nerd and truly grateful America landed a man on the moon later returning him home safely. A brief anecdote for you, one afternoon several years ago, laying beneath a warm duvet spread out on the living room sofa, I watched live footage from the final space shuttle flight to service Hubble, in total I think I watched NASA’s live stream a solid 18 hours a day, as astronauts meticulously replaced Hubble’s Giros and electronics using simple tools worth millions of dollars. Then only several days ago another American first as Dragon Module successfully docked with the space station.

A new space era begins.

With engineering skill, luck and a fair wind the prospect of man yet again walking upon the moon’s surface is a distinct possibility and I truly hope I live that long because yes as you know I love viewing the moon through my telescope, I’d be beside myself with joy and excitement if man returned.

So I’m asking myself how bad (media opinion) can life truly be living in Trump’s America? No one can doubt he loves his Country and puts America first, severs trading with countries who employ cheap labour and import good which close American factories down and put people out of jobs, he’s building a wall to halt the influx of South American migrants from illegal entry, not forgetting the walking caravan of drug dealers and Muslim extremists….. he’s putting America first, standing up for the ‘common man’, upholding a treasured Constitution and preserving a national identity thus ensuring it’s people a good quality of life……… you cannot knock him for being a patriot.

Btw I’m not being sarcastic!

After Brexit and I win the lottery I may even emigrate there………… or Australia………… or Ireland, trouble is I don’t play the lottery! 

( 🙂 please feel free to comment.)

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

 

 

Sexy, a fashion nightmare for the older woman?

Just for fun 🙂 .
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“Mutton dressed up as Lamb” Is a British way of describing a (deluded) older woman who is dressed in a style more suited to a younger woman, also slightly derogatory because she’s deliberately trying to appear young.

Or you may prefer Bernadette Matthews definition at mumsnet.com: 

‘Too much leg and cleavage on show at the same time!’

Regular readers to this WP will be aware I love interacting with other writers, well this evening I’ve a response post prompted by the excellent LA and her thought provoking blog Forever21, I urge you to follow she’s possibly my favourite blogger, slightly irreverent, ladles of honest American attitude and oozing oodles of common sense,.

‘I dressed in an outfit that I thought was good for the event and that I felt confident in. And basically, this is how you should feel when you walk out the door. A friend saw a picture of me and said that I looked stylish and sexy, which of course was my exact goal. But then I started to wonder- was I starting to push it?

So, while we were on line, I said this to my friend, who is in excellent shape and looks great for any age, and she simply shook her head and said “Yeah. I know. When do we actually look good for our age, and when do we start to look ridiculous.”

Ok I agree, LA probably didn’t have the derogatory and unfair ‘label’ mutton dressed up as lamb’ at the point of her writing ‘when do we look good for our age and when do we start to look ridiculous’, but hey they make interesting bedfellows don’t you think?

I’d suggest the what to wear dilemma hardly ever crosses a guy’s mind, I’m age 50 and feel completely comfortable wearing charcoal black jeans matched with a light blue Oxford long sleeved shirt, perhaps a sweater and smart shoes, all very casual, a look I could wear at work or down the pub of a weekend and I’d guess no one gives me a second glance………. HOWEVER I have no doubt what NOT to wear is a real headache for the older woman!

So as I’m at a lose end I did a little on-line surfing all in the name of research, oh and because I’m a guy who knows sweet FA about fashion! Then I happened across this jewel of Debenham’s research which said,

‘When it comes to fashion, nine in ten women aim to dress younger than their years. And more than half say they won’t start ‘dressing their age’ until they are at least 70’, further ‘Over half said they began to dress younger in their 30s and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-40s’.

Now LA’s a lady who loves lists and these Top 10 Items You’re Too Old to Wear, read as brilliant advice, and remember I know sweet FA about fashion, clueless, however I’m as quick to judge and point my finger as every other guy so why not give an opinion! Hmm, and I wouldn’t disagree with their 10 ‘fashion minefields’,

  1. Message tee shirts
  2. Too trendy denim
  3. Costume shoes
  4. Micro mini skirts
  5. Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage/Visible or coloured bra straps.
  6. White, Ribbed Cotton Tank Tops
  7. Hair gadgets
  8. Oversized decorated Hobo Bags
  9. Cheap unflattering underwear
  10. Loud accessories

“But trying too hard only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young.”

As I’ve said before I’m a keen observer of the human female mammal, read my posts, and I would suggest the true bananas skin, fashion fau-pa opportunity is sexiness, get it wrong wear a short a black leather skirt, heals inches too high, blouses too low cut are a recipe for unwanted attention from men, and disapproving looks from women worried about losing their man and I ain’t saying nothing about looking like a hooker!

Just avoid anything four inches or more above the knee and add tights to make a short skirt less risqué, say the experts. Or wear chic straight skirts, classy being the watchword, allowing you to show off some curves without making you look as though you’re pretending to be born after the Bill Clinton years!

It’s a worry but classy is the watch word, trouser jeans you can wear from the PTA meeting to a party when paired with the right top, stylish padded shoes with wider thicker heels and definitely avoid anything that shows excessive cleavage or visible coloured bra straps……….. or any underwear for that matter.

0818a65ff44362f28e79ebac376d6ec2I realise the older woman would never be caught dressed like this, whoever lol thought low-cut jeans and thongs was a good idea? But I guess the saying ‘you’re only young once applies!

Apparently the more mature lady ‘shouldn’t feel she needs to show it all off. Anything below the middle of your bustline has got to go,’ ‘A little goes a long way,” and no excessive ‘boobage’ past the age of 40, displaying too much sagging skin apparently is a no no, so go for a blouse underneath, unbutton a few buttons and you’re going to look sexy but classy’.

Having said all that, the summer of 2018 was one of Britain’s hottest, and I can recall as if yesterday sitting on the top deck of a bus, looking out the window and watching a woman age 65 if a day. Totally captivated I was, for this mature lady in her blue pencil skirt and restrained high heels wore a tight fitting tee shirt with, wait for it, no bra! And all I’ll add to that is she was a ‘big girl’ yet looked both classy and ravishing!

Way to go madam.

And now we arrive at number 9 ‘Cheap, Unflattering Underwear’ and I’ll profess to being an interested expert! As I’ve written before M&S tells us most women are not fitted properly, a woman’s breasts and body sags so I guess underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.

Having said all or that, our Group Secretary at work throughout Summer wears low cut print dresses displaying her ample assets, the only trouble is us Technicians are NOT listening to our lecturing Professor! Yep I agree, appropriate sexiness is where an older woman can look classy or yes ‘Mutton Dressed Up as Lamb’.

And finally advice from the experts.

“Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules, but what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless, this way, you’re going to look fabulous because the look is appropriate for you.”

A. Shepherdson 2019

How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

cartoon-ruler-006(Humour, NO photos)

2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

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(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

(a day trip to) Highgate Cemetery

I have a conundrum for you this evening!

Thursday I travelled to London by coach with the aim of visiting Highgate’s Victorian Cemetery and yes it lived up to my expectations. I had promised a photo blog much the same as I’ve written before after one of my daytrips, however, alas I have only 3 photos for you pictured below of the imposing Gothic gated entrance, the centrepiece 200+ year Circle of Lebanon Cedar tree and a view taken from the pathway.

So why so few photos? Well our Tour guide said camera photography was permitted, yet no one did perhaps for no other reason than taking pictures of the dead seemed disrespectful? A Cemetery after all is a peaceful quiet place of eternal rest anyways not to worry.

Which all means I’ll have to exercise my brain (with a twist) and write about the day instead.

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My photo of the imposing entrance. Imagine 150 years ago horse drawn carriages, their manes adorned with plumes of black feathers entering by these gates.

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Now I am really pleased with this photo of the ‘Circle of Lebanon’ damaged by sunstrike, AND yes I was looking toward a low spring time sun but I like the photo. Alas this dying Cedar tree’s days are numbered but I’ve given you a hint of sunken vaults in the foreground.

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My photograph surreptitiously taken from the winding snaking gravel pathways

I guess each person within our tour party would have loved to spend the afternoon roaming the cemetery’s many vaults, mausolea, statues, catacombs and other treasures, but alas our lovely ‘super efficient’ tour guide had a schedule to be kept to, wandering stragglers at the rear were given a sharp,

“Do keep up now!”

The lady sounding rather like a brusque, rather annoyed headmistress with her cut glass posh English accent…………. but there you are who can complain when her 70minutes tour blessed with many fascinating facts, dates and true tales was so interesting.

However!

Please remember if I’ve wetted your appetite for visiting and seeing for yourselves this wonder of Victorian London, please remember you CANNOT just turn up on the off chance because it’s not open to the public to wander in from the street! If you do you’ll be faced with my photo above with it’s large wrought iron gates locked tightly shut, but that does kinda add to the excitement, knowing that only a lucky few can visit each day. No you have to do some on-line preparation work before hand, and just imagine if this was open to the general public! Thousands of people walking traipsing wherever they wish, leaving coke cans and vandalising both the wildlife and structures with all peace and tranquillity disappeared.

Not to worry though, visit Highgate cemetery’s website and you can book a ticket for yourself and your partner (no under age8 children allowed), then pay £12.

Now through the wonders of Google here are several images below I’ve stolen borrowed from the net, look closely and you’ll see a photo of the centre piece cedar tree absent of sun-strike!

I quite took to our tour guide wearing her bright red shirt on a warm spring day, her tightly fitting slim blue jeans, a tall and slender lady no older than age60 and readers to this blog will know the older woman turns me on big time! Especially when she’s assertive bossy and domineering, but joking apart and being bluntly honest she was an extremely sexy specimen of aged womanhood, oh and with the hint of two gentle mounds of breasts beneath her scarlet shirt………….. that topped my day!

The lady’s most entertaining true tale, of which there were many, features the renowned Victorian anatomist and surgeon Henry Gray, similar to many of the interns beneath Highgate’s undergrowth he was a man famous of his day, and if you wish to know more then Wikipedia for other notable Victorians laying six feet under!

(Charles Dickens wife and children are buried here.)

Henry Gray’s headstone had only recently been discovered by a volunteer clearing from amongst the thousands of headstones, and ivy strewn undergrowth. Apparently as the story goes, during surgical operations he would try to cut as quickly as possible with his knife and saw because the patient was not under anaesthetic, though Gray did later discover ether would make the knifing procedure less painful. Again as the story goes, our lady guide told us Gray also holds the impressive record of most deaths in one single operation, because in his haste to amputate a man’s leg quickly, he cut three fingers off his assistant (who later died of infection), a member of the public watching (for as we were reminded this is where the term ‘operating theatre’ originates) dropped down dead, and of course the patient later died also succumbing to his injuries.

Three deaths during one operation, impressive no?

Of course the connection between infection and cleanliness of instruments hadn’t been discovered yet, much the same as Joseph Bazzalgette hadn’t yet discovered cholera was a water borne infection, the Victorians believing cholera was an airborne disease with horrific consequences, incidentally Bazzalgette invented London’s sewage system and yet another genius Victorian who shaped the modern world!

Incidentally Victorian high society was captivated by this new profession called surgery, but (apparently according to our gorgeous tour guide) surgeons were the superstar ‘must have dinner guests’ at parties of the time, but little did they know surgeons also paid unscrupulous London men to rob graves of their dear departed all in the name of practice and science, that’s until an act of Parliament allowed the dead from workhouses to be purchased and dissected. 

I guess the Anglican Church didn’t believe souls of the poor required saving?

The real irony of course is, Highgate was built a fortress with armed guards in order to keep grave robbers OUT which kinda amused me, and I wasn’t aware the vaults were fitted with bells because apparently Victorian Londoners biggest fear was waking alive after being presumed dead……….. now I can see the logic in that!

Hopefully I’ve given you a sense of how the Lady interwove different tales into one stream of consciousness, very clever and as she said sporting a rather wry grin, “Of course we did what every cash strapped charity would do! We contacted those wealthy Fellows Of the Royal College of Surgeons (FRCS), to see if they would be interested in helping pay for Henry’s grave to be cleaned”, and again as we were reminded ‘Gray’s Anatomy’ is still purchased today by bright eyed medical students embarking on their career in medicine.

There is so much more I could write about such as foxes visiting after dusk, the catacombs are home to a rare breed of spider having found it’s home inside the damp burial vaults, bats hang from the ceilings above lead boxed coffins, still visible the wooden casket having  decomposed and rotted away, tales of how Londoners could walk from Canning Town through fields and meadows to marvel at this the poshest Cemetery in England, and for a Brit that’s an astounding vision because the journey today is walked through street lined buildings! And George Michael is buried behind it’s strong high walls I guess in an effort to keep it hidden from view or from becoming a public shrine, jeez just imagine if his final resting place was open to musician following pilgrims and their posters!! 

Yes a truly amazing Victorian splendour with heaps of history and atmosphere and THANKFULLY no stories of ghosts!

Finally why not book on-line and go visit for yourselves, however note you cannot spend an afternoon doing as you wish but does that matter anyway? Oh and if you’re lucky you to may have an attractive sexy Grandma for a tour guide. 

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The ‘Egyptian Avenue’ taken from a print of the day, I think we were colonising Egypt at the time!!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

 

Weekend morning Fiction #41

‘The weekend is finally here, and that means that it’s high time for a glimpse into a new story. Well, to be more precise, a flash fiction that might have the potential to become a more complex story..… eventually.’ Alexandra Ispas

Joshua-Tree-i-Joshua-Tree-National-Park
Joshua Tree, ‘Where The Street’s Have No Name’

Today I’m reblogging original fiction written by a lady I Follow and yes the story is written for meee!!

Okay I should be less obtuse and qualify my boldish claim by saying authoress Alexandra Ispas’s blog ‘It’s A Small World’ is a place she write’s flash fiction every weekend, (my own reading genre isn’t fantasy but who says you must read specific genres?) Anyways retuning to this my introduction, Alexandra chooses a favourite album song of hers then writes a tale inspired by that song’s narrative and I enjoy reading her tales.

I only realised days later February 9th was my birthday as well! (Lol 😀 ?)

If you wish to read the lady’s original post click here: U2’s Where The Street’s Have No Name or alternately read below 🙂 and if you are a U2 fan then you’ll know doubt spot a few song lyrics in there. Enjoy 🙂

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(This time I’ll be creating a fantasy flash fiction out of U2’s song, ‘Where The Streets Have No Name’, a song requested by A. Shepherdson. Cheers for the inspiring idea!
Now, to get straight to the point, here’s a little fantasy for your craving imagination. I know you want it!)

An old man once told me that there’s a place without a name, a safe haven in a forgotten corner of the world. He said all contact with the outside was broken, so that peace and quiet would prosper.

These days, I craved for peace and quiet like I’d crave for air if it were to be taken from me. Yes, I craved peace and quiet like a page craves for ink and a flower craves for sunlight. I could do without it for a little while, but it wouldn’t be long before it would swallow me up and devour me to the core.

He told me:

“Take the street that has no name until all your love turns to rust. Beware the beating of the wind, but don’t fear it. Take shelter from the poison rain, for it is bound to strike if your path is true, and unnamed obstacles will slow you to a halt. Remember, it is better to pause and continue later than turn around and return where you began.”

Helpful.

I never found the street without a name. I asked for it, but, of course, all streets needed a name, so nobody knew one without it. Nobody in the mortal world. That could only mean one thing: the street without a name was in another world, one I took for certain was impossible to exist. Was the Faerie Realm truly real? And the Elven Forest and Giants’ Mountain? How about the Siren’s Lagoon and the Dragon’s Pearl Haven?

For the first time in my life, I saw these children’s stories with a whole new pair of eyes, but it was still too difficult to believe. In spite of all logic, I returned to the old man’s house at the edge of the village and ask him. What exactly, I would think about on the way, maybe, but I knew I had to see him. He was my only lead.

I only arrived as darkness fell like a curtain. As expected it appeared like the old man was home. Pale light shone through the smoky windows and the smoke of a warming fire rose through the chimney, its clouds disappearing without a trace in the night.

Knocking at the door didn’t help, so I allowed myself in with careful movements. Maybe he was asleep.

But what I found inside was nothing like what I had seen my last time there, and neither did I find the old man I was looking for. There was no chimney fire lighting up the furnished room and no presence of life whatsoever. As a matter of fact, the place I entered was not a room at all.

The stories were real.

I was in the Faerie Realm.

©Alexandra Ispas 2019 (She also write’s cookery posts!)

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(Yesterday’s visit to a famous Victorian London cemetery didn’t go entirely to plan, I had a lovely day but alas didn’t take any photos, in fact no one in our Tour Group did and perhaps the reason is a simple ‘photographing the dead is yes a little disrespectful’, but I’ll maybe still write about the day.)

 

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I inquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dexterous skillful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or fellatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I traveled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have thought ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Boutique Mannequins modelling underwear (Thursday)

(My apologies for not publishing my NSFW post yesterday, I went out for a lovely meal with three retirees I used to work with so I’ll post another time.)

Thursday 14th of February and of course Valentine’s Day, so if you’ve been following this week’s daily postings you’ll be aware the topic that weaves them all together (well hopefully) is women’s lingerie, jeeze even surprises me how my overactive imagination works sometimes. All good fun 🙂 .

Ok I know I’m a bit odd, stop nodding you’re not supposed to agree! And YES I did take those photographs above earlier this week, “why so Andrew?” Well today I’m asking myself, could a guy be prosecuted for indecent assault, you know if he was to ‘touch up’ a Department Store clothing mannequin when ‘she’s’ wearing sexy underwear? 

No I didn’t but I can’t say I wasn’t tempted!

All this past week after alighting from my commuter bus in the centre of Oxford, I pass these three on the way to work, but because our early mornings are still dark dazzling halogen spotlights almost bring them alive, in fact on the first morning they caught my eye and I had to do a ‘double-take’ they are that realistic……………. I should add being as it’s nearly Valentines Day there are many more displays similar to this, AND what’s with ALL these plastic models being six feet tall, slender and size 8 figures, what’s wrong with size 14 women gifted with child bearing hips and 34DD busts?

Good question no?

So begs the question, in the minds of the window dressers who are they actually trying to appeal to? Is it men so as they’ll buy sweet nothings for their significant other? Or women so that they can wear something sexy to excite and turn their man on? Not forgetting those confused women in lesbian relationships…………… no NO when I say confused I mean they’re both buying for both themselves also their partners……….. phew that was close! And I dare not mention we have skirt wearing Transsexuals at my place of work.

(I’m saying absolutely nothing, be true unto yourself that’s what I say)

So now I’m wondering can a sexy lingerie wearing shop mannequin ever be considered indecent? I’m absolutely convinced many Muslim men will find those three ‘women’ pictured above offensive, recently London Underground had to remove posters of models wearing brassieres because questions had been asked, I’d guess there’d been a social media sh#t storm or women’s Groups had asked why women’s bodies were being sexually objectified?…………. Jeez goodness knows what feminists would make of some of the posts on this blog.

However readers should be aware by now I adore women and am also a feminist, heavens we even have female engineering apprentices at work and why not, the days of girls only doing sewing and cookery at school and boys doing metalwork are long gone, and as it should be. Being serious for a second, and note I have addressed this topic before, #MeToo has changed Britain for the better because I’ve noticed men take a great deal more care with their language opinions and banter when around women.

Where was I? Oh yes me earlier today standing in the entrance to Debenhams department store taking photographs, I double checked to see no one was watching but no doubt I was being watched by their CCTV cameras, and I’ve just had a thought that’ll be twice now! (long story) So no I didn’t touch these three tasty plastic models up but they didn’t half look sexy, I guess that answer’s my earlier question doesn’t it, that women’s lingerie is purchased for their partner’s enjoyment…………… yes?

Discuss 😀 .

Before I leave you, this’ll be the first Valentine’s Day in 58 years that my dad hasn’t purchased a loving card for my mum 😦 . Isn’t memory robbing dementia is a wicked medical condition, I doubt he has any comprehension of what being married actually means? I’d guess in his own little world mum is now just a person who is always around the house at his ‘beck and call’, all terribly sad.

Anyways just so as to redress any perceived sexist imbalance, there’s not this is just for fun, but if anyone is unhappy here’s a photo whether you be straight or gay.

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Now I’m not gay but he is pretty fit!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

“Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!” (True story Tuesday)

You should know me by now! I’m a fascinated observer of the female human mamal, anything wrong in that?

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So with this week’s blog topic in mind, daily posts themed around women’s lingerie, I’m going to raise the tone of this ‘blog’ and write a post about yes women’s underwear, a tale prompted by mistakenly finding myself on ‘Marks and Spencer’s’ floor devoted to women’s undergarments…….. if you’ve never heard of M&S all you need to understand is 70% of women buy their underwear here, with Oxford’s Branch having half a floor devoted solely to this most Holy of intimate garment, seriously a cavernous expanse of delicate lingerie hanging in aisles interspersed by the occasional size 8 mannequin, dolled up in err……….. well use your imagination please!

Whatever the age M&S is Britain’s go to knicker store.

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And yes that is ‘Camilla Windsor’ being shown around M&S’s lingerie department!

When one descends the escalator within Oxford’s Debenhams department store, from top floor down to level number three, a traveller aboard this slow travelling walkway will invariably pass by ladies with a thoughtful expression etched across their brow and holding up some delicate garment of lingerie to the light. She’s of course deeply concentrated wondering whether this bra or pair knickers will look good on her figure, does she like the colour and of course most importantly of all whether purchasing is worth the asking price? Perhaps contemplating trying it on before going home and buying it a third off from Amazon? 

Yes? No? Please don’t answer………… and do people do this? I mean use a store only to test goods out? I hope not, I’m now very conscious of trying to buy what I need on the High Street or Mall, because  disappearing Town centres are often the heart of a community and they do provide jobs.

As an aside, Jeff Bezos Amazon has a one trillion dollar turnover, to me that stinks of a great many City centre shops having to close and many many thousand of workers having lost their jobs, PLUS he pays very little tax instead funnelling British online purchases through offices in Luxembourg…………. frigging hell man, at least pay the taxes you owe!!

Where was I before sidestepping into an angry rant, oh yes women purchasing their underwear! Actually if I wasn’t a skilled engineer I’d like to work in a lingerie department just to stand and watch these err sexy goings on, in fact I’d work for free!! Just imagine handling these pretty pieces of cloth ALL day long, mind you I’d stop at any ideas of helping out in the bra fitting rooms, sorry but that’s just plain creepy!

Jeez my train of consciousness even takes me back sometimes!

Where was I? Riding escalators observing women buy their underwear, and no I don’t return straight up to the top floor so as I can watch these ladies on the return journey down again, jeeze that would be just plain creepy (again) hmm would be fun though, even pressing that emergency red button that stops accidents from happening, err hasn’t 😀 ever crossed my mind!

However walking through Marks and Spencer’s first floor lingerie department in Oxford UK, is a WHOLE lot more emotionally nerve-racking, truly, at this point you may be perhaps thinking ‘A. Shepherdson pray why are you looking at women’s underwear?’ No NO I don’t wear lingerie, no if you need to return an item purchased, in order to reach ‘Returns Exchanges and Refunds’ situated at the rear of Floor 1, you have to walk through yes this gigantic expanse full of women’s underwear, rows and rows of it! Slightly disconcerting actually brushing past lacy pink twinsets, a sight captured by the corner of my eye because I’m not looking.

M&S’s underwear department used to be on the ground floor, to be more exact in front of the entrance to the food hall, then one time I had to take an unwanted item back, made for Returns on first floor, and there facing me is a retail cathedral space dedicated to just lingerie, I actually froze my feet unable to walk! They’d gone and redesigned the interior of the shop hadn’t they! In a state of near panic I walked up to a young lady dressed in black with her back to me, reaching to hang up a garment or take it down and asked her,

“Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where the Return’s counter is?”

This brunette young woman turned around, as startled as I was and no older than sixteen, well I ask you how was I to know this tall girl was a mere teenager? Jeez we all make honest mistakes, well her cheeks blushed and she nervously answered,

“Sorry I don’t work here”, and then her eyes quickly darted sideways to look at someone now standing beside me, I also turned to this person now stalking its prey, ME a single guy speaking with her daughter, and who did I see? Yes a middle aged woman and by the look of her quite obviously the young girl’s mother, well you can tell can’t you! The mother slightly taken aback then burst out laughing before saying,

“She doesn’t work for Marks and Spencer’s” and btw now smiling,

So I quickly replied “Oh no! Sorry I mistook her for a salesperson?” The mother laughed again saying “no worries” and I quickly turned and made for an exit, talk about embarrassing! Anyways I returned to the Store hours later, asked an actual member of staff this time for directions, and yes they’d moved Returns to way behind those racks of hanging underwear.

Yes a misunderstanding all around, omg I’m closer to the end than the beginning, my heart cannot take mild shocks like it use to!

Hmm amuses me still how nervous I get walking through a ladies underwear department, do all men feel this way? I guess subconsciously I’ll think back to the women I’ve undressed or watched undress, and yes like I said earlier while in Debenhams, I am amused watching women perusing selecting touching and holding towards bright fluorescent lights their soon to be purchased delicates! 

Anyways not to worry they both had a laugh at my expense, the mother seemed to think the mistaken identity absolutely hilarious? And I can imagine the daughter saying later “Do I look like I’m dressed as a shop worker for heaven’s sake?” But jeez you do have to be careful asking customers questions inside underwear departments, don’t you? Or are we men becoming slightly paranoid #MeToo fallout and all.

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Now I’m aware Superman wears his shorts on the outside but do women wear knickers on top of a pair of leggings? Or were they dressed by a guy 😀 !!

(I’ve thought about this seemingly inconsequential tale many times, a completely absurd scenario but what always confuses me is why this mother burst out into uncontrollable laughter? Perhaps I looked more startled than I ever assumed, or is the reason little more complicated than a ‘mummy bear looking out for her offspring bear cub? Funny old day.) 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (with Googled photographs not my own)

 

 

 

 

‘That sacred spot of blissful heaven’ (Erotic Monday)

If you’ve happened to read yesterday’s post, you’ll know all the five days this week I am writing a tale flash fiction or whatever on the theme of women’s lingerie, don’t ask why perhaps I’m just odd that way……………….. incidentally the ‘publishing’ sequence has changed, or in other words that’s the story of my WordPress. 

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Laying beside Karolina two Saturdays ago I don’t think I’ve felt happier in a long while, my lady’s aged 50 and extremely passionate, an amusing conversationalist if a little hard to follow as she’s from Poland, but not to worry she’s an extremely sexy lady, in fact my idea of a dream woman, and I know having a lady stick her tongue deep inside your mouth while kissing sounds a little ahem icky! But it really is sensuous and divine.

So where are we two aged lovers to be found? Me a fifty something who wears glasses when having sex, also Karolina with her dodgy knee that locks up meaning she has to clamber off the bed to give creaking joints a stretch! No arthritis just ‘ole mother time’ creeping up and don’t you find older women are more grateful of a guys romantic advances, not desperate for attention, no just content to be loved for who they are, no spring chicken and all, oh and fucked hard by a guy who prefers his sexual animal to be a woman of more mature years.

Where are we? Inside a Travelodge Inn alongside a busy A34 dual carriageway, a bedroom to be more exact, I’d guess American’s would call this establishment a Motel for lonely individuals driving monotonous ashen gray motorways in need of a cheap place to sleep of a night.

Our room is in pitch darkness apart from a shaft of bright light shining from the wardrobe bathroom, the temperature’s boiling as Motels often are and Karolina’s laying on our bed gazing at the ceiling with me close by her side, so close I’m all but cuddling with my body touching hers from my chest to my toes, snuggled in tightly, my six inch hardened dick resting atop her thigh and bucking bouncing off her skin to the beat of a drum, physiologically connected to the blood pumping through my heart.

Yes I do love her, my arm resting on her tummy a hand slipped inside her burgundy panties, the same exact colour as a good claret of wine. I’m not looking at her lingerie briefs though with two digit fingers gently sliding back and forth through the parted lips of her wet kitty, sweeter than wine and bare of all pubic hair but for a small stubbly patch on her mons pubis, lol there’s a medical term you don’t hear often! 

So do I miss that teenage pubic bush weeded out over the ravages of time? They’re kinda fun to run finger’s through or admire in the shower, a mop of brunette coloured hair dripping and wet.

With my fingertips doing all the talking below, my gaze is drawn to Karolina’s chest raising with every breath sipped in, two high round breasts nestling beneath her claret shaded bra cups, with its swirling patterns of lace matching the panties and my busy fingers inside, but hold on subconsciously my sexually aroused mind has control of my fingers without me knowing, playing a fiddle all by their own now pressed against her clit and dragging her intimate skin in small circles, the curtains of her labia lips now drawn tightly closed.

Then faintly audible to my ear, hardly noticeable within our church hushed boudoir, I heard the quietist whisper you ever did hear, Karolina with her eyes tightly closed, purred a softly spoken,

“Oh My God!”

Do you know if I’d cleared my throat or been distracted by noise outside I would have missed it!

She quiet startled me actually though not a muscle in my body responded to Karolina’s almost joyous incredulity, with my imagination pricked alive I suddenly realised my circling fingertips had touched a spot so sacred, nerve endings so excited by pleasure giving chemicals flooding her brain, a cocktail altering her mind, that for those few two seconds in time Karolina had been whisked to a blissful heaven itself.

(……………. and tomorrow, “Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!”)

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Why bother Voting when you live in a corrupt Democracy

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Suffragettes in London

I haven’t voted in British Politics since losing the referendum vote in early 2016, the infamous vote to leave the EU in other words Brexit!

No I’ve not cast my electoral vote in either a By-Election, General Election or West Oxfordshire District Council elections for the simple reason I am finished with British Party Politics, and no I’m not particularly proud to make such a sweeping statement but after the lies that have been spun to we the people, I’d suggest it would be wrong to Vote.

Can a political system be considered that corrupt that’s in fact wrong to cast a Vote?

Remembering back to 2016, I cannot recall David Cameron saying we were potentially going to leave the EU in his Campaign speeches, he cleverly omitted that catastrophe and omg look where we are now about to crash out of Europe! The seventeen million citizens who voted to Remain are treated by our Political leaders as though we don’t exist, vilified by the Far Right as trouble makers in fact we’re treated with contemptuous withering distain and our voices certainly never listened to, whatever your opinions of Britain it certainly is not a free and fair democracy.

Vote for the opposition Parties instead I hear you say? Labour is just as weak and incompetent as the Conservatives, so no I don’t intend to Vote in an official party election ever again and being as I can be a bloody minded ‘so and so’, I expect myself to keep my word.

Ahh but some commenters will suggest, “if you do not Vote then you wave your right to debate and discuss Politics” well that’s utter bs (in my humble opinion!) Previous generations have created a political system where the stupid masses (and that includes me) have been asked to vote on an issue they neither understand or were given the truthful facts about to begin with from its Government………… in fact I agree with Sir Alan Sugar when he said Gove, Rees-Mogg and Johnson should be in jail for the lies they have told.

So no I won’t Vote again in British elections, however I will play my role in fighting against Political injustice and no I don’t mean I’ll be throwing rocks or fire bombs in the Street (hmm then again) I’ll not be party to any physical violence, however I do intend to join the Vote Remain marches that are being planned for this forthcoming summer, I doubt they’ll change policies but at the least marching is a protest. The last demonstration march I took part in was the late eighties when Margaret Thatcher announced the closure of many deep coal mining Pits.

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And I’ve ALWAYS prided myself on this being a drama free WordPress! Therefore my next post won’t be Brexit related, how does a light hearted fun post sound?

©A. Shepherdson

Snowing in Oxfordshire

Ok I realise I said in an earlier post that I’m not going to share quite so many of my YouTube videos, but you should know be now, I change my mind nearly as much as the weather does……………. hmm a pretty clever timely analogy don’t you think?

Not to worry though 🙂 perhaps I should learn not to take myself tooo seriously, so below you can see the video uploaded just now swirling snow flurries and all! I filmed it 12 o’clock last night and hopefully also compliments the blog photographs I ‘snapped’ in the previous post click Panic buying in Tesco’s

A. Shepherdson 2019

Ray’s ‘ONE’ writing challenge

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Been a while since I’ve taken part in any writing challenge, some bloggers refer to these as Awards (never understood that one?) But I prefer the idea challenges are answering cool questions with honest personal answers, they’re possibly more fun writing than reading but fun all the same, like I said Victoria’s dreamt up an interesting 11 Q’s. 

1. One person who inspired you? Honestly I really struggled with this one, my brother? No perhaps more truthfully my mother, she’s the bedrock of our family where no problem is insurmountable, and within minutes of speaking with a total stranger I’m in awe of her ability to appear that they’d been good friends for years, I was incredulous watching her at 12 as I am now at 50.
 
2. One moment that changed the course of your life? Age 16 opening the letter from an engineering firm offering me a four year toolmaking apprenticeship, truly the happiest four years of my life AND I was paid a wage to learn skills I still enjoy using today, not forgetting those friendships with thirty other young men my age, their laughter, humour, comradery and bullshit tales……. happy days.
 
3. One thing that you would change about yourself, your life, the world 

About myself? Better able to chat up women, truly I’m ok once in bed with them.

About my life? I’d do anything not to be living in a Country engulphed by a chaotic political madness known as BREXIT……….. the fallout will define the way I live until the day I die, thanks a bunch David Cameron you asshole!

The World? The honest answer is I’m weary and perhaps I’ve given up a little (Brexit is that bad), I’ve had enough of the constant bombardment of bad news, no horrific tragic news stories and wish the World never let them happen…………. A close relative many years ago committed suicide, still affects me now and perhaps will the more I get older?

4. One hero/heroine from past/or present? Easy, Elizabeth I, for some reason her reign captures my imagination more than any other person, I visited ‘The Tower’ last year, I remember climbing the spiral stone steps within on of the confined claustrophobic towers thinking to myself, ‘I am walking in the exact same steps as Elizabeth’, sounds pretentious? No completely true.
 
5. One cultural recommendation (film, book, song, painting)?

Film? As of now, Roman Polanski’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles, one afternoon our O level English literature class went to watch a screening at the cinema, a gorgeous beautiful film that blew me away and also regrettably the ONLY thing I can remember from two years of studying English Literature! I’m a late bloomer.

Book? Easy! ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, without fail I read this ‘Ghostly Tale’ no earlier than two day’s before Christmas day, AND without fail I begin reading feeling like ‘oh no not again, do I have to? I know this story err like the back of my hand!’ HOWEVER by the finish of page 1, a gem of a beginning where Dickens has without question convinced the reader Marley is dead as a doornail that I am well and truly hooked (if you don’t believe he’s dead then the tale is un-believable). ‘A Christmas Carol’ is that good hence the many screen adaptations, yes reluctantly even the Muppet one. However the book is darker and more sinister than many might assume, the scene where Spirit three reveals to Scrooge HE is the dead man lying beneath the headstone is truly spine chilling……. Scrooge hadn’t suspected it was he after listening in to so many huddled conversations of people he’d known. So why read at Christmas? The ghostly tale is set at Christmas time therefore my own (now waning) excitement enriches the experience, but above all else throughout his book Dickens poses uncomfortable truths about my own failings prejudices, I haven’t given enough to charity that past year, I could have been more generous of spirit, ‘aren’t there tooo many children born into the world?’ ‘I pay my taxes so are there not enough workhouses to house the poor?’…………. a brilliant little book.

Btw I enjoy the concept of reading Hardy, but alas his novels get the better of me apart from his book of short stories………. hmm I think I have a short attention spans but I’m improving.

Song? Honestly Changes by the minute or the hour, I enjoy listening to BBC Radio 2 and I’m more than happy with their selections………. ‘The Sweetest Thing’ by U2 perhaps.

Painting? A day spent wandering around Tate Britain looking at paintings is my idea of a great ‘arty’ day, I know not a jot about art but I get satisfaction from looking at a painting that emotionally touches my heart and soul…………. pretentious? No we all enjoy art that speaks to us.

6. One challenge the world is facing? According to David Attenborough human extinction! This natural history guru expert and genius just days ago said mankind is facing extinction and I fear he may be correct.

7. One great thing that we have achieved? Sending a man to the moon, have him walk about its surface then returning him home safely again, I look at the moon through my telescope with awe and wonder because visiting seems so conceptually fantastical, in fact I near cannot believe it happened but I know America did, well done America.

8. One regret? I miss all four of my Grandparents still to this day, my mother married very young so I was blessed to be around them well into my thirties (we all live to a minimum of age83 in our family), perhaps mum’s father most of all, he took me to games of cricket as a child then years later I accompanied him as an old gentleman…………… wonderful happy days.

9. One nugget of advice for humanity? For Christ’s sake learn how to Govern yourselves with intelligence humanity and humility, devoid of greed avarice and selfishness, happily pay yourselves exactly the same wages, provide free healthcare and education for everyone……. ffs the list goes on and on!
 
10. One alternative career path you might have chosen? If I hadn’t been fortunate with gaining a toolmaking apprenticeship I’d like to have trained as an electrician, then again several years ago I happened across a genuine adult film company website, they were advertising lol for amateur male Pornstars………… no seriously, ordinary men were invited to apply sending a photo, you’d assemble at a hotel, the ONLY professionals were female porn models and well you get the idea!!!………. Ok I never ever seriously contemplated applying geez what if my mother had found out, also it’s disgustingy sordid and seedy but the temptation was definitely there, should I/would I is quite a moral dilemma? Lol ok I wasn’t tempted and then there’s the questions could I remain hard for 2hours and is six inches enough?

11. One thing that you could do better, but you don’t? Live a little.

Enjoyed answering.

©A. Shepherdson 2019