Accent’s and Pink Floyd’s ‘Another Brick In The Wall’

“All in all I’m justa! Another brick in the wall”

(Choir of Islington Green School 1979.)

My favourite blogger LA over at wakingupthewrongsideof50 has been discussing accents, by that I mean the spoken accents we all have, either a product of the surroundings we were brought up in, or a particular way of speaking imprinted upon us by our parents. As for myself and thanks for asking I have a regional shires accent, Oxfordshire to be more exact and more than a little rural when played back to my listening ear………….. and for some reason or other a Polish lady I work with has trouble understanding what I say? Makes me laugh anyways as she leans in because I just know she’s having problems! 

I haven’t posted on this Blog for months now though I do avidly read the latest thoughts and writings from bloggers I’ve followed for many months, even years! But as for me I’ve kinda fallen out of love with life, I’d suggest the fragile human spirit isn’t strong enough having to live through Britain’s Brexit debacle, so much so I rarely watch the News anymore which isn’t a healthy way to live and guess what? I’ve started receiving Party political junk mail through the post………………….. can anyone tell me if there’s an election on the way?

(So unfortunately Boris didn’t die in a ditch after all!)

Oh yes returning to accents or the distinctive way of pronouncing language.

Reading through comments also replies to LA’s recent post on the whole written by Americans, I was struck by the number of commenters who were of the same opinion, namely we’re elitist towards certain groups of people based solely on the way that they speak. Yes we do judge one another’s intelligence dependent on their accent and yes regrettably we do assume certain regional accents are superior or inferior to our own, and I’d suggest will have a part to play on how far we progress in life, or our ‘given choice’ of employment. 

Although distinct British accents are perhaps disappearing I have my favourites also those that grate on my ear so to speak. Sad to say I’m lol neither a fan of the ‘Liverpudlian’ or Birmingham’s ‘Brummie’ accent which does come across as slightly dim witted (awful to admit), though I do love the broad Yorkshire accent of my Grandfather and have a particular soft spot for a North Londoner’s accent………. cockney is a little tooo comedic for my ears and by that I’m not referring to Dick Van Dykes laughable rendition in ‘Mary Poppins’, no I have to admit I do love a North London.

So why have I attached Pink Floyd’s iconic video ‘Another Brick In The Wall’, to a post themed accents? Listen to this brilliant song and in particular to the chorus rendition sung by (and starring) a London children’s choir, and those attuned to British accents will recognise their North London pronunciation…….…. though lol I fear those ‘across the pond’ won’t think it particually noteworthy.

(As an aside I was their exact age back in 1979!)

Band Engineer Nick Griffin recorded the children singing the verse at Islington Green School, close to Pink Floyd’s studio. Alun Renshaw, head of music at the school, said later: “I wanted to make music relevant to the kids – not just sitting around listening to Tchaikovsky. I thought the lyrics were great – ‘We don’t need no education, we don’t need no thought control’ … I just thought it would be a wonderful experience for the kids.”

Renshaw apparently hid the lyrics from the headmistress Margaret Maden, fearing she might stop the recording. Maden said: “I was only told about it after the event, which didn’t please me. But on balance it was part of a very rich musical education.” Renshaw and the children spent a week practicing before he took them to a recording studio near the school. According to Ezrin, when he played the children’s vocals to Waters, “there was a total softening of his face, and you just knew that he knew it was going to be an important record”.

In exchange for performing vocals, the children of Islington Green School received tickets to a Pink Floyd concert, an album, and a single. The footnote to this tale is following a change to UK copyright law in 1996, the children’s choir members became eligible for royalties from broadcasts, and after royalties agent Peter Rowan traced the choir members through ‘Friends Reunited’, they successfully lodged a claim for royalties with the Performing Artists’ Media Rights Association in 2004.

So if there’s any conclusion to be made from this afternoon’s post, we all have our favourite spoken accents, we shouldn’t (but do) judge a person’s worth and intellect by the way they speak and yes Islington’s North London children’s choir is awesomely fabulous…………………. I do hope you listened!

A. Shepherdson 2019 

‘Join me on this journey’ into Women’s Bras

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I chose this photograph because She’s a fine looking woman 🙂

‘Not a lot of people know this’ (a Michael Caine quote), but according to WordPress Statistics each and every single week, no less than forty-six occasions throughout this May alone! One particular post written by me June 19 2018 has been viewed from right across the Globe, and studying said statistics as I’m prone to do whenever bored, I can also tell you ‘that post’ is also my most viewed EVER!!!

I’m truly grateful and genuinely humbled btw.

Now I’m neither bragging or showing off, certainly not lauding this my original piece of writing as a gem of modern literature, (f#ck no), in fact I’m rather surprised this one is the most popular of all 190! So after a protracted prolonged build up I can tell you Andrew’s most viewed post is:

‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

So there you, in some respects I’m unsurprised a bra post is number one because internet aficionados tell us 90% of internet traffic is sex themed, not to worry though I’m rather chuffed and why not.

Two reasons for this evening’s ‘Blog’. Several day ago the fabulous LA of wakingupthewrongsideof50 noticed a blogging phenomena I’d not really thought about until then, I’ll quote in her own words,

‘Bloggers that gave up quickly: I noticed a pattern among them. Almost every one of them used the phrase “Join me (us) on this journey”. I have now decided that those words are the bloggers kiss of death. If you write these words on your first blog you are not going to survive.

Why?

As I have not done a research study on this, I can only give you my humble (?) opinion. When you use the word “Join” you are specifically writing to an audience. You expect that people will listen. Bad expectation.’

LA’s Join Me on This Journey post has itself become very popular amongst blogging readers because as she goes on to say, ‘anyone who has written for WordPress knows you blog for yourself’, with all your heart and soul you want to be read, to have followers, to be liked, to be commented and replied to, however writing for an audience is not the reason you blog.

Sadly (and yes I genuinely mean sadly) if you set tooo higher expectations of yourself, write with the expectation hundreds of people will read, then I’m afraid this will only make you unhappy because apart from a lucky minority (who work very hard btw) fame and popularity will pass you by. 😦 A sad truth and only ONE of many reasons why you have to write for yourself, though take heart people will eventually read and follow your writing journey.

I said two reasons. I’ll come to said second in a Mo!

I wrote ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras’ (did I tell you this is my most viewed ever?) For no other reason than I had an absolute blast possibly because it’s the type of post that gets me sexually aroused. Anyways I blogged this many months ago and ever since publishing week by week people across the Globe people have viewed (finger’s crossed enjoyed), and if there is a moral to this story then it’s write for yourself, embrace the creative process and whatever transpires is a welcome bonus.

Oh yes reason number two for this evening’s post! Well I have written yet another bra themed tale featuring women’s boobs and cleavage, which in turn gave me the reason idea to reblog ‘An open apology……….’ and why not ablogfromtheuk is my very own WordPress.

Tomorrow: ‘An open apology to women not wearing bras!’

Sunday: ‘On the 87th day God created cleavage.’

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Helen’s office window

🙂 A ‘penny for your thoughts’ dear Readers and NO this isn’t a sexual Post!

I’m curious to know if this photo below speaks to you? No SERIOUSLY, gaze at this woolly mammoth and I’d suggest after a moments thoughtful contemplation your emotional reaction will be similar to my own!! Well I’m hoping so, because my imagination struggles to appreciate this living breathing animal actually existed and isn’t a product of CGI science fiction.

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A relative of the modern Elephant, they went extinct 3000-10000 years ago.

So did you take a good long look at this majestic shaggy Beast? Imagined it roaming ice-age Siberia Tundra, or perhaps a similar furry specimen, with its small ears to limit heat loss in sub zero temperatures, following the route of the £1.5 billion A14 Cambridge to Huntingdon road improvement scheme.

Huh?

You may be unaware a pair of ‘British’ mammoths were discovered here in 2018, and who knows perhaps the last two remaining species alive before receding glaciers covering prehistoric England pushed them into extinction!

So what an earth is the point to this evening’s Post? Baring in mind I know absolutely ‘diddly-squat’ about palaeontology, other than a great many Dinosaur skeletons have been discovered around Oxfordshire these past 200 years.

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And yes, I’m genuinely mesmerised by these Googled digital images.

Several weeks ago my Workplace Human Resources Manager by the name of err Helen? (Her name befits my tale) ‘forwarded’ an email ordering me to visit and speak with her 9am Friday morning, nothing to worry about other than a general housekeeping chat and check up on how I’m feeling, lol a long story. 

Now comfortably seated within her office, a cup of steaming coffee positioned on the desk in front of me, I’m silently looking across at this 35year old slim woman with mousy brown hair, pleasant in appearance and busying herself looking through Andrew’s medical records forward to her by Occupational Health. And yes I’d be lying if a wicked thought hadn’t momentarily crossed my imagination, visions of Helen bent forward over her desk ‘skirt pulled up, knickers down’ me giving her kitty ‘a good seeing to’ from behind!

‘Doesn’t everyone daydream of sexual possibilities with their work colleagues?’

Where was I? Oh yes woolly mammoths!!

Feeling bored and day dreamy, I glanced sideways through Helen’s office window looking across buff stoned University Colleges and distant open fields of South Oxfordshire beyond, a truly magnificent view for one reason! The 8th Floor of our Department’s workplace is in fact the tallest building across the whole of Oxford City, a ‘skyscraper’ constructed for unknown reasons many an employee has wondered about over the past 50 years.

“How an earth did the original planning application ever get approved, when Oxford’s strict planning laws limit buildings to no more than three stories tall?” 

Visit the 8th Floor, and you’ll see unobstructed panoramic views of dreaming Spires, ‘buff coloured’ Colleges and immaculate pea green lawns enclosed within high walled Quadrangles…………… jeeze, some Council Official must have been drunk at his desk the day this 8 story planning application passed through his hands?

Not to worry, when you are summoned to HR by ‘mousy’ Helen the real joy is admiring stunning City views through her office window, and it was at this moment I found myself momentarily whisked back thousands of years in time, near unbelievable vistas and visions of woolly mammoth giant elephant like beasts roaming across icy cold windswept Tundra landscapes, and what’s even more incredible these thoughts weren’t the product of any far fetched science fiction! I had to near prick my skin reminding myself these magnificent beasts ACTUALLY LIVED quietly plodding along (as elephants do) thousand year old tracks across this same land, and that truly blows my mind!

Then catching me unawares! Helen looks up into my face ready to begin her Friday cosy catchup conversation and with that all dreams of woolly mammoths disappear to be replaced by Helen’s lovely smile 😀 .

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Life! What’s it all about?

 

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‘Contemplation’ by A. Shepherdson

🙂 I’m not a sex blogger, life has been my blog theme.

I love ❤ my mother but I fear I’ve taken mum for granted my whole adult life, perhaps we all feel this way from time to time? Saying thank you with a bunch of flowers accompanied by a greeting card with appropriate kind and thoughtful messages therein, is yes a lovely gesture to make once every March, but in reality is Mother’s Day little more than an exercise to ease a child’s guilty conscience? Cheerily lull them into thinking they’re truly appreciating all the selfless gestures and wonderful things she’s done for them over the years)

‘Cynical’ is my middle name at the moment.

This Post btw isn’t about Mother’s Day.

My Father passed away early April this year, his funeral being a week ago however I’d rather not say exactly where and the reason why. Oh yes an emotionally upsetting month to accept and live through, also a pivotal moment in every ‘child’s’ life (young or old) realising they will never witness that parent’s smiling face ever again, that is unless you believe in Gods Spirits and observing life for all eternity sitting on a cloud in heaven, and what if you DON’T like that person sitting beside you? But if you believe in the afterlife please ignore my flippancy 🙂 .

Then again perhaps I’m jumping the gun, forgetting I may burn in hell one day 😀 Yay at least that’s the last I’ll see of this mad world!

❤ Dad’s passing HAS reminded me of my own mortality, (jeeze that’s brought a tear to my eye and lump in my throat), last week I even sensed feeling the Grim Reaper’s cold hand tap on my shoulder, whispering:

“Just to remind you Andrew, don’t feel to comfortable I’ll be visiting you one day sooon”, (he has a dark sense of humour) ok perhaps that never happened but if you’re listening Mr Reaper, I’d prefer to leave it a little while longer thank you very much!

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Life! What’s it all about?

Enough talk of bereavement, Dad has gone however I will never forget him, happy memories remain and now I should must will devote my attention to looking after my mum, but I ask you, at what point do you stop and ask yourself  ‘now can I be happy knowing I’ve done enough?’ Never?

🙂 Love and cherish a parent while they’re alive because you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Is Lust really a deadly sin?

If you are happily married, or happily co-habiting, you may find this post morally challenging though hopefully not, as always it’s just Andrew thinking out aloud 🙂 .

(Part2 follows, I have a lady neighbour who owns a dog!)

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Can two people be ‘only ever’ just good friends?

During those idle moments when one’s mind tends to wander there’s a question I often ask myself, would I sleep with a unhappily happily married woman?

The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a real favourite of mine and not because of Meg Ryan’s awesomely faked orgasm, a performance that’s more than a little disturbing to us men! No I’m fascinated by the premise at the story’s heart, the question Billy actually asks Meg namely can two people be ‘just good friends’ without the relationship becoming sexual OR heading that way until intelligence and good sense makes people stop and think! Can you be friends with that ‘special’ person at work without becoming romantically involved?

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Can I sit on your face? (NSFW)

Now I’d guess above is possibly the most unusual blog Title you’ve come across today, but here’s a thing I’ve got an interesting anecdote for you, remember Gemma with the wet kitty? Well this tale features Chantelle another adorable sexy lady I’ve bumped into on my journey through life 😉 .

Jeeze a producer could take these two stories, weave into a narrative joining the sexy scenes together, choose from two age40+ actresses to play the female roles cause they’re always moaning about the lack of work for older women, then make a film about a guy’s oral bedroom escapades!…………….. ok perhaps not 😀 .

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😮 I’m not joking when I say I could hardly breath!

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Is objectifying the naked human body (either sex) acceptable?

A post not to ‘overthink’ about for tooo long. And used in the correct circumstances ‘that phrase’ is justifiable! 🙂 .

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I see absolutely nothing wrong with the image above, PeTA took a lot of abuse for this one but really? Perhaps if this beautiful black lady was a white blue eyed blonde……… then again she’d be politically incorrect!!

My two blogging rules of thumb are, to enjoy the writing creativity process and would I enjoy reading? If yes then I publish, if I regale the beauties of a woman’s wonderous body then all’s the sweeter 😀 .

Sexism (noun): prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination, typically against women on the basis of sex.

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Another day. Another Twitter sh#tstorm!

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“Here’s a pic of me at work… think about this before your derogatory comments, animals,” Harris posted under this picture on Twitter

I do love the internet because amongst all the horror stories from across the globe, on any single day you can always be guaranteed Twitter will become engulfed by a social media shitstorm, a polarised debate between two opposing groups of mortally offended keyboard warriors working themselves up into a frenzy.

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Missionary (& NSFW)

I guess the truly intriguing side to WordPress is musing ‘I wonder who reads my blog?’ Hmm interesting, so previously in a blog post I’ve told you the length of an average erect penis, you may be aware Karina is a lady I meet inside Motels, and btw not even I know what the following post will be about?

(A Charles Dickens themed London trip follows sooon!)

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I was reminiscing the other day, recalling happy memories, enjoying thinking about the women I’ve slept with throughout my adult life, now without breaking confidences my Virginity was taken many years ago by a lovely lady named err let’s call her Jemma, yes not her name but Jemma suits her. Now I’ll refrain from letting you in on that wonderful afternoon because I’ve already written a post sharing that fabulous experience, very emotional and possibly the best afternoon of my life…………. btw this tale will appear on a blog near you sooon! 

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WOW you’ve a cute Ass! (NSFW)

Erotic flash fiction (original & by meee!)  

Never assume that guy standing behind you in ‘The Deli’ queue is deciding which soft cheeses to buy!

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Standing behind you in our shared bus queue, so close I could reach out my arms encircle your waist and draw you close into me, that hard bump below, my aroused groin pressing deep against your shapely pert bottom nestling between two barely visible peach shaped ass cheeks…………… but alas I can’t, I shan’t, I won’t nor ever would………. I value my reputation, cherish my liberty tooo dearly to put my fingers inside a sugary delicious sweetie jar. 

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SATS, niece & Bugsy Malone!

Intriguing Title no? Call this post Creative Writing part 2 or whatever lol.

SATS 1 use

Yesterday was both lovely and sad, lovely because my sibling and daughter came over to stay over for the night with my mother, sad because we all as a family visited my father in Hospital, not the most enjoyable of experiences but there you old age creeps up on every one of us and the best we can do is make life comfortable for him.

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Donald Trump’s America

Genuine colour photographs taken of Britain in the 1950s, the member’s of the public pictured aren’t actors and the film hasn’t been colourised! (Alas I’ve misplaced the link to the website.)

🙂 I’d loved to have lived in 1950’s England, but I’m wondering was life back then as idyllic as the photos suggest? Or am I suffering from a condition that afflicts many people my age, wishing for ‘the good old days’ that never were! 

Because I’m a Brit I don’t follow closely all the political goings on within America unlike in my own Great Britain, a broken Country that once had ‘it all’ then either gave ‘it all’ away or had it taken, a once great nation, the trouble is now I cannot avoid watching awful Brexit news and Brexit madness across the internet.

Anyways returning to my theme today, America! 

I’ve never visited the US and would love to one day before I ‘pop my clogs’ so to speak, I’m really am a big fan, whether following politics or life in general America is captivating and enthralling. Yes I’m a political animal who’s chosen not to discuss politics and religion on the internet, forthright opinions only upset and annoy readers so what’s the point, and I’m convinced people are more interested in writing as an antidote to real life as opposed to………….. jeeze where do I honestly begin?

Viewing America from over here on the opposite side of the pond I’m a fascinated observer, I’m a space nerd and truly grateful America landed a man on the moon later returning him home safely. A brief anecdote for you, one afternoon several years ago, laying beneath a warm duvet spread out on the living room sofa, I watched live footage from the final space shuttle flight to service Hubble, in total I think I watched NASA’s live stream a solid 18 hours a day, as astronauts meticulously replaced Hubble’s Giros and electronics using simple tools worth millions of dollars. Then only several days ago another American first as Dragon Module successfully docked with the space station.

A new space era begins.

With engineering skill, luck and a fair wind the prospect of man yet again walking upon the moon’s surface is a distinct possibility and I truly hope I live that long because yes as you know I love viewing the moon through my telescope, I’d be beside myself with joy and excitement if man returned.

So I’m asking myself how bad (media opinion) can life truly be living in Trump’s America? No one can doubt he loves his Country and puts America first, severs trading with countries who employ cheap labour and import good which close American factories down and put people out of jobs, he’s building a wall to halt the influx of South American migrants from illegal entry, not forgetting the walking caravan of drug dealers and Muslim extremists….. he’s putting America first, standing up for the ‘common man’, upholding a treasured Constitution and preserving a national identity thus ensuring it’s people a good quality of life……… you cannot knock him for being a patriot.

Btw I’m not being sarcastic!

After Brexit and I win the lottery I may even emigrate there………… or Australia………… or Ireland, trouble is I don’t play the lottery! 

( 🙂 please feel free to comment.)

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

 

 

Sexy, a fashion nightmare for the older woman?

Just for fun 🙂 .
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“Mutton dressed up as Lamb” Is a British way of describing a (deluded) older woman who is dressed in a style more suited to a younger woman, also slightly derogatory because she’s deliberately trying to appear young.

Or you may prefer Bernadette Matthews definition at mumsnet.com: 

‘Too much leg and cleavage on show at the same time!’

Regular readers to this WP will be aware I love interacting with other writers, well this evening I’ve a response post prompted by the excellent LA and her thought provoking blog Forever21, I urge you to follow she’s possibly my favourite blogger, slightly irreverent, ladles of honest American attitude and oozing oodles of common sense,.

‘I dressed in an outfit that I thought was good for the event and that I felt confident in. And basically, this is how you should feel when you walk out the door. A friend saw a picture of me and said that I looked stylish and sexy, which of course was my exact goal. But then I started to wonder- was I starting to push it?

So, while we were on line, I said this to my friend, who is in excellent shape and looks great for any age, and she simply shook her head and said “Yeah. I know. When do we actually look good for our age, and when do we start to look ridiculous.”

Ok I agree, LA probably didn’t have the derogatory and unfair ‘label’ mutton dressed up as lamb’ at the point of her writing ‘when do we look good for our age and when do we start to look ridiculous’, but hey they make interesting bedfellows don’t you think?

I’d suggest the what to wear dilemma hardly ever crosses a guy’s mind, I’m age 50 and feel completely comfortable wearing charcoal black jeans matched with a light blue Oxford long sleeved shirt, perhaps a sweater and smart shoes, all very casual, a look I could wear at work or down the pub of a weekend and I’d guess no one gives me a second glance………. HOWEVER I have no doubt what NOT to wear is a real headache for the older woman!

So as I’m at a lose end I did a little on-line surfing all in the name of research, oh and because I’m a guy who knows sweet FA about fashion! Then I happened across this jewel of Debenham’s research which said,

‘When it comes to fashion, nine in ten women aim to dress younger than their years. And more than half say they won’t start ‘dressing their age’ until they are at least 70’, further ‘Over half said they began to dress younger in their 30s and 90 per cent admitted they had started to dress younger by their mid-40s’.

Now LA’s a lady who loves lists and these Top 10 Items You’re Too Old to Wear, read as brilliant advice, and remember I know sweet FA about fashion, clueless, however I’m as quick to judge and point my finger as every other guy so why not give an opinion! Hmm, and I wouldn’t disagree with their 10 ‘fashion minefields’,

  1. Message tee shirts
  2. Too trendy denim
  3. Costume shoes
  4. Micro mini skirts
  5. Anything Showing Excessive Cleavage/Visible or coloured bra straps.
  6. White, Ribbed Cotton Tank Tops
  7. Hair gadgets
  8. Oversized decorated Hobo Bags
  9. Cheap unflattering underwear
  10. Loud accessories

“But trying too hard only calls attention to yourself – it’s overcompensating. You don’t need to dress like a teenager to look young.”

As I’ve said before I’m a keen observer of the human female mammal, read my posts, and I would suggest the true bananas skin, fashion fau-pa opportunity is sexiness, get it wrong wear a short a black leather skirt, heals inches too high, blouses too low cut are a recipe for unwanted attention from men, and disapproving looks from women worried about losing their man and I ain’t saying nothing about looking like a hooker!

Just avoid anything four inches or more above the knee and add tights to make a short skirt less risqué, say the experts. Or wear chic straight skirts, classy being the watchword, allowing you to show off some curves without making you look as though you’re pretending to be born after the Bill Clinton years!

It’s a worry but classy is the watch word, trouser jeans you can wear from the PTA meeting to a party when paired with the right top, stylish padded shoes with wider thicker heels and definitely avoid anything that shows excessive cleavage or visible coloured bra straps……….. or any underwear for that matter.

0818a65ff44362f28e79ebac376d6ec2I realise the older woman would never be caught dressed like this, whoever lol thought low-cut jeans and thongs was a good idea? But I guess the saying ‘you’re only young once applies!

Apparently the more mature lady ‘shouldn’t feel she needs to show it all off. Anything below the middle of your bustline has got to go,’ ‘A little goes a long way,” and no excessive ‘boobage’ past the age of 40, displaying too much sagging skin apparently is a no no, so go for a blouse underneath, unbutton a few buttons and you’re going to look sexy but classy’.

Having said all that, the summer of 2018 was one of Britain’s hottest, and I can recall as if yesterday sitting on the top deck of a bus, looking out the window and watching a woman age 65 if a day. Totally captivated I was, for this mature lady in her blue pencil skirt and restrained high heels wore a tight fitting tee shirt with, wait for it, no bra! And all I’ll add to that is she was a ‘big girl’ yet looked both classy and ravishing!

Way to go madam.

And now we arrive at number 9 ‘Cheap, Unflattering Underwear’ and I’ll profess to being an interested expert! As I’ve written before M&S tells us most women are not fitted properly, a woman’s breasts and body sags so I guess underwear needs to be as supportive as it is sexy.

Having said all or that, our Group Secretary at work throughout Summer wears low cut print dresses displaying her ample assets, the only trouble is us Technicians are NOT listening to our lecturing Professor! Yep I agree, appropriate sexiness is where an older woman can look classy or yes ‘Mutton Dressed Up as Lamb’.

And finally advice from the experts.

“Every woman must make her own decisions about when to break the rules, but what you’re striving for isn’t to look youthful – it’s to look ageless, this way, you’re going to look fabulous because the look is appropriate for you.”

A. Shepherdson 2019

How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

cartoon-ruler-006(Humour, NO photos)

2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

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(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

(a day trip to) Highgate Cemetery

I have a conundrum for you this evening!

Thursday I travelled to London by coach with the aim of visiting Highgate’s Victorian Cemetery and yes it lived up to my expectations. I had promised a photo blog much the same as I’ve written before after one of my daytrips, however, alas I have only 3 photos for you pictured below of the imposing Gothic gated entrance, the centrepiece 200+ year Circle of Lebanon Cedar tree and a view taken from the pathway.

So why so few photos? Well our Tour guide said camera photography was permitted, yet no one did perhaps for no other reason than taking pictures of the dead seemed disrespectful? A Cemetery after all is a peaceful quiet place of eternal rest anyways not to worry.

Which all means I’ll have to exercise my brain (with a twist) and write about the day instead.

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My photo of the imposing entrance. Imagine 150 years ago horse drawn carriages, their manes adorned with plumes of black feathers entering by these gates.
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Now I am really pleased with this photo of the ‘Circle of Lebanon’ damaged by sunstrike, AND yes I was looking toward a low spring time sun but I like the photo. Alas this dying Cedar tree’s days are numbered but I’ve given you a hint of sunken vaults in the foreground.
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My photograph surreptitiously taken from the winding snaking gravel pathways

I guess each person within our tour party would have loved to spend the afternoon roaming the cemetery’s many vaults, mausolea, statues, catacombs and other treasures, but alas our lovely ‘super efficient’ tour guide had a schedule to be kept to, wandering stragglers at the rear were given a sharp,

“Do keep up now!”

The lady sounding rather like a brusque, rather annoyed headmistress with her cut glass posh English accent…………. but there you are who can complain when her 70minutes tour blessed with many fascinating facts, dates and true tales was so interesting.

However!

Please remember if I’ve wetted your appetite for visiting and seeing for yourselves this wonder of Victorian London, please remember you CANNOT just turn up on the off chance because it’s not open to the public to wander in from the street! If you do you’ll be faced with my photo above with it’s large wrought iron gates locked tightly shut, but that does kinda add to the excitement, knowing that only a lucky few can visit each day. No you have to do some on-line preparation work before hand, and just imagine if this was open to the general public! Thousands of people walking traipsing wherever they wish, leaving coke cans and vandalising both the wildlife and structures with all peace and tranquillity disappeared.

Not to worry though, visit Highgate cemetery’s website and you can book a ticket for yourself and your partner (no under age8 children allowed), then pay £12.

Now through the wonders of Google here are several images below I’ve stolen borrowed from the net, look closely and you’ll see a photo of the centre piece cedar tree absent of sun-strike!

I quite took to our tour guide wearing her bright red shirt on a warm spring day, her tightly fitting slim blue jeans, a tall and slender lady no older than age60 and readers to this blog will know the older woman turns me on big time! Especially when she’s assertive bossy and domineering, but joking apart and being bluntly honest she was an extremely sexy specimen of aged womanhood, oh and with the hint of two gentle mounds of breasts beneath her scarlet shirt………….. that topped my day!

The lady’s most entertaining true tale, of which there were many, features the renowned Victorian anatomist and surgeon Henry Gray, similar to many of the interns beneath Highgate’s undergrowth he was a man famous of his day, and if you wish to know more then Wikipedia for other notable Victorians laying six feet under!

(Charles Dickens wife and children are buried here.)

Henry Gray’s headstone had only recently been discovered by a volunteer clearing from amongst the thousands of headstones, and ivy strewn undergrowth. Apparently as the story goes, during surgical operations he would try to cut as quickly as possible with his knife and saw because the patient was not under anaesthetic, though Gray did later discover ether would make the knifing procedure less painful. Again as the story goes, our lady guide told us Gray also holds the impressive record of most deaths in one single operation, because in his haste to amputate a man’s leg quickly, he cut three fingers off his assistant (who later died of infection), a member of the public watching (for as we were reminded this is where the term ‘operating theatre’ originates) dropped down dead, and of course the patient later died also succumbing to his injuries.

Three deaths during one operation, impressive no?

Of course the connection between infection and cleanliness of instruments hadn’t been discovered yet, much the same as Joseph Bazzalgette hadn’t yet discovered cholera was a water borne infection, the Victorians believing cholera was an airborne disease with horrific consequences, incidentally Bazzalgette invented London’s sewage system and yet another genius Victorian who shaped the modern world!

Incidentally Victorian high society was captivated by this new profession called surgery, but (apparently according to our gorgeous tour guide) surgeons were the superstar ‘must have dinner guests’ at parties of the time, but little did they know surgeons also paid unscrupulous London men to rob graves of their dear departed all in the name of practice and science, that’s until an act of Parliament allowed the dead from workhouses to be purchased and dissected. 

I guess the Anglican Church didn’t believe souls of the poor required saving?

The real irony of course is, Highgate was built a fortress with armed guards in order to keep grave robbers OUT which kinda amused me, and I wasn’t aware the vaults were fitted with bells because apparently Victorian Londoners biggest fear was waking alive after being presumed dead……….. now I can see the logic in that!

Hopefully I’ve given you a sense of how the Lady interwove different tales into one stream of consciousness, very clever and as she said sporting a rather wry grin, “Of course we did what every cash strapped charity would do! We contacted those wealthy Fellows Of the Royal College of Surgeons (FRCS), to see if they would be interested in helping pay for Henry’s grave to be cleaned”, and again as we were reminded ‘Gray’s Anatomy’ is still purchased today by bright eyed medical students embarking on their career in medicine.

There is so much more I could write about such as foxes visiting after dusk, the catacombs are home to a rare breed of spider having found it’s home inside the damp burial vaults, bats hang from the ceilings above lead boxed coffins, still visible the wooden casket having  decomposed and rotted away, tales of how Londoners could walk from Canning Town through fields and meadows to marvel at this the poshest Cemetery in England, and for a Brit that’s an astounding vision because the journey today is walked through street lined buildings! And George Michael is buried behind it’s strong high walls I guess in an effort to keep it hidden from view or from becoming a public shrine, jeez just imagine if his final resting place was open to musician following pilgrims and their posters!! 

Yes a truly amazing Victorian splendour with heaps of history and atmosphere and THANKFULLY no stories of ghosts!

Finally why not book on-line and go visit for yourselves, however note you cannot spend an afternoon doing as you wish but does that matter anyway? Oh and if you’re lucky you to may have an attractive sexy Grandma for a tour guide. 

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The ‘Egyptian Avenue’ taken from a print of the day, I think we were colonising Egypt at the time!!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

 

Weekend morning Fiction #41

‘The weekend is finally here, and that means that it’s high time for a glimpse into a new story. Well, to be more precise, a flash fiction that might have the potential to become a more complex story..… eventually.’ Alexandra Ispas

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Joshua Tree, ‘Where The Street’s Have No Name’

Today I’m reblogging original fiction written by a lady I Follow and yes the story is written for meee!!

Okay I should be less obtuse and qualify my boldish claim by saying authoress Alexandra Ispas’s blog ‘It’s A Small World’ is a place she write’s flash fiction every weekend, (my own reading genre isn’t fantasy but who says you must read specific genres?) Anyways retuning to this my introduction, Alexandra chooses a favourite album song of hers then writes a tale inspired by that song’s narrative and I enjoy reading her tales.

I only realised days later February 9th was my birthday as well! (Lol 😀 ?)

If you wish to read the lady’s original post click here: U2’s Where The Street’s Have No Name or alternately read below 🙂 and if you are a U2 fan then you’ll know doubt spot a few song lyrics in there. Enjoy 🙂

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(This time I’ll be creating a fantasy flash fiction out of U2’s song, ‘Where The Streets Have No Name’, a song requested by A. Shepherdson. Cheers for the inspiring idea!
Now, to get straight to the point, here’s a little fantasy for your craving imagination. I know you want it!)

An old man once told me that there’s a place without a name, a safe haven in a forgotten corner of the world. He said all contact with the outside was broken, so that peace and quiet would prosper.

These days, I craved for peace and quiet like I’d crave for air if it were to be taken from me. Yes, I craved peace and quiet like a page craves for ink and a flower craves for sunlight. I could do without it for a little while, but it wouldn’t be long before it would swallow me up and devour me to the core.

He told me:

“Take the street that has no name until all your love turns to rust. Beware the beating of the wind, but don’t fear it. Take shelter from the poison rain, for it is bound to strike if your path is true, and unnamed obstacles will slow you to a halt. Remember, it is better to pause and continue later than turn around and return where you began.”

Helpful.

I never found the street without a name. I asked for it, but, of course, all streets needed a name, so nobody knew one without it. Nobody in the mortal world. That could only mean one thing: the street without a name was in another world, one I took for certain was impossible to exist. Was the Faerie Realm truly real? And the Elven Forest and Giants’ Mountain? How about the Siren’s Lagoon and the Dragon’s Pearl Haven?

For the first time in my life, I saw these children’s stories with a whole new pair of eyes, but it was still too difficult to believe. In spite of all logic, I returned to the old man’s house at the edge of the village and ask him. What exactly, I would think about on the way, maybe, but I knew I had to see him. He was my only lead.

I only arrived as darkness fell like a curtain. As expected it appeared like the old man was home. Pale light shone through the smoky windows and the smoke of a warming fire rose through the chimney, its clouds disappearing without a trace in the night.

Knocking at the door didn’t help, so I allowed myself in with careful movements. Maybe he was asleep.

But what I found inside was nothing like what I had seen my last time there, and neither did I find the old man I was looking for. There was no chimney fire lighting up the furnished room and no presence of life whatsoever. As a matter of fact, the place I entered was not a room at all.

The stories were real.

I was in the Faerie Realm.

©Alexandra Ispas 2019 (She also write’s cookery posts!)

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(Yesterday’s visit to a famous Victorian London cemetery didn’t go entirely to plan, I had a lovely day but alas didn’t take any photos, in fact no one in our Tour Group did and perhaps the reason is a simple ‘photographing the dead is yes a little disrespectful’, but I’ll maybe still write about the day.)

 

My brushes with Mortality?

And yes I’ve changed this week’s publishing dates but not to worry, however I’m still visiting a famous Victorian cemetery this Thursday.

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And NO 😀 this isn’t a sex post, ‘pussy’s’ or ‘kitty’s’ do NOT feature!

Now don’t go worrying yourselves on account of me, oh you mean you weren’t 😀 !!! No I haven’t recently cheated death and very much still alive thanks for caring, but I’m hoping my Post Title intrigues you?

The longer we live and the older we become, increases our chances of meeting our maker sooner than wished for or intended, yes contemplating ones own mortality is perhaps slightly macabre but I do find myself remembering back to ‘close-calls’ in my past, and often visions so crystal clear they’re all but photos in my mind, moments in time which I now appreciate were most definitely one of my nine lives lost!

(Tag this post late evening contemplation and NOT a wallowing in nostalgia for shock effect.)

There was the day I fell from a tall rock whilst on a Geography Field Trip as a teenage schoolboy, looking back I now realise I fell an awful long way but lucky for me Devonshire’s Bodmin moorland was spongy wet having soaked up a great deal of rain! I work alongside a disabled work colleague and I’m certain that fateful day was my own ‘there but for the grace of God’ moment, my lucky day not to be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. The older I become, the closer to the end than beginning I’ll be and I’m more convinced than ever that life is little more than luck and chance. Do I believe in a preordained life’s journey mapped out by an all seeing, all knowing God? Jeez talking of Gods is a WHOLE different blog subject.

In the words of a famous British surgeon, “hug and kiss your family before they leave home in the morning and hug and kiss them before they go to bed at night.”

Anyways returning to my second brush with mortality.

There was the car accident I was involved in as a twenty-two year old man when one pitch black evening, driving a rain soaked road I turned a bend in the dual carriageway only to be faced by a line of stationary traffic halted by red traffic lights.

(((SMASH)))

As I ploughed into the rear of an ‘Austin Montego’ but lucky for me everyone and anyone close by, I’d managed to decelerate to ten miles an hour? I’m unsure how fast I was travelling when I hit, but it’s true what they say my split second traffic accident happened in slow motion, why is that? A fear coping message from the brain warning a human being to be braced for imminent danger ahead?

(Everyone says accidents happen in slow motion, so it just has to be primitive man’s trigger signal for FEAR!!!)

I was both lucky and unlucky, lucky I avoided serious injury, perhaps unlucky that the sharp jolt to my neck, a whiplash of my spine perhaps causing an epileptic seizure months later, perhaps a mere coincidence or resultant brain injury.

Either way that was the second of my nine lives used up.

So that’s two close calls that have sharpened my mind tonight and moments I’ll most probably remember till the day I die, and without sifting my tired late evening brain still further, I’m sure there’ll be other close calls……………. only a shame I cannot remember being near suffocated to death with a knicker-less vagina sat on my face and me unable to breath, now if one’s time is up I can think of worse ways to die! 

Alas not 😦 though I have a facesitting tale to tell.

Joking apart I have one overriding memory of one particular day where I know for certain I came close to dying, as an age twenty-nine year old man holidaying in the Greek Islands I suffered an epileptic seizure whilst swimming in the sea, and quite by luck and chance I recognised trigger warning signals secreted into my mind’s consciousness, dragged myself from the cold Mediterranean sea only to fall onto my back on the shorelines and experience a seizure laying in two inches of seawater.

Again I can recall this frantically panicked memory as if I was staring at photos clasped in my hand, I remember the bright sun in the sky, I remember being at all times lucidly conscious but most of all I remember cold seawater lapping around my two cheeks and thinking ‘if water enters my mouth then it’s all over!’ If I’d heeded the trigger warning seconds later, if I’d stumbled on sharp stones as I pulled my body to the shoreline I would have fallen in four inches water instead of two, and being as there was no persons close by I could have……………. well………….. you know………… died all because of a wasted two seconds.

Young children are totally oblivious to danger yes they live without fears or seeing danger, but it’s only as adults that we realise tragic accidents can and do happen at the most unsuspecting of times, and thinking back over my life I think my Grandmother was most attuned at spotting possible dangers her Grandchildren were close to, I sensed her caring worry many times and it’s only later in life that I realised one tragic past event possibly altered her perception of what’s dangerous forever.

Mind you her constant nannying near drove me exasperatingly bonkers, but now I understand why, my age gifts me a wisdom carefree children just have no comprehension of UNTIL experiences have taught them to carefully assess a situation of all possible risks!

(If you never fall how will you ever learn falling hurts? With the moral being don’t play a game of chicken in the path of a train!)

So yes I’ve had close calls and been both lucky and unlucky in life but I’ll often remember back to my seizure in Greek seas as the closest I’ve come to dying, I’m NOT being macabre for effect, I don’t think it hurts to occasionally stop and contemplate mortality if only for a second.

I’d guess you’ve experienced moments in your own lives that were a little tooo close for comfort!!!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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Fictional or non fictional this is a favourite story.

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Boutique Mannequins modelling underwear (Thursday)

(My apologies for not publishing my NSFW post yesterday, I went out for a lovely meal with three retirees I used to work with so I’ll post another time.)

Thursday 14th of February and of course Valentine’s Day, so if you’ve been following this week’s daily postings you’ll be aware the topic that weaves them all together (well hopefully) is women’s lingerie, jeeze even surprises me how my overactive imagination works sometimes. All good fun 🙂 .

Ok I know I’m a bit odd, stop nodding you’re not supposed to agree! And YES I did take those photographs above earlier this week, “why so Andrew?” Well today I’m asking myself, could a guy be prosecuted for indecent assault, you know if he was to ‘touch up’ a Department Store clothing mannequin when ‘she’s’ wearing sexy underwear? 

No I didn’t but I can’t say I wasn’t tempted!

All this past week after alighting from my commuter bus in the centre of Oxford, I pass these three on the way to work, but because our early mornings are still dark dazzling halogen spotlights almost bring them alive, in fact on the first morning they caught my eye and I had to do a ‘double-take’ they are that realistic……………. I should add being as it’s nearly Valentines Day there are many more displays similar to this, AND what’s with ALL these plastic models being six feet tall, slender and size 8 figures, what’s wrong with size 14 women gifted with child bearing hips and 34DD busts?

Good question no?

So begs the question, in the minds of the window dressers who are they actually trying to appeal to? Is it men so as they’ll buy sweet nothings for their significant other? Or women so that they can wear something sexy to excite and turn their man on? Not forgetting those confused women in lesbian relationships…………… no NO when I say confused I mean they’re both buying for both themselves also their partners……….. phew that was close! And I dare not mention we have skirt wearing Transsexuals at my place of work.

(I’m saying absolutely nothing, be true unto yourself that’s what I say)

So now I’m wondering can a sexy lingerie wearing shop mannequin ever be considered indecent? I’m absolutely convinced many Muslim men will find those three ‘women’ pictured above offensive, recently London Underground had to remove posters of models wearing brassieres because questions had been asked, I’d guess there’d been a social media sh#t storm or women’s Groups had asked why women’s bodies were being sexually objectified?…………. Jeez goodness knows what feminists would make of some of the posts on this blog.

However readers should be aware by now I adore women and am also a feminist, heavens we even have female engineering apprentices at work and why not, the days of girls only doing sewing and cookery at school and boys doing metalwork are long gone, and as it should be. Being serious for a second, and note I have addressed this topic before, #MeToo has changed Britain for the better because I’ve noticed men take a great deal more care with their language opinions and banter when around women.

Where was I? Oh yes me earlier today standing in the entrance to Debenhams department store taking photographs, I double checked to see no one was watching but no doubt I was being watched by their CCTV cameras, and I’ve just had a thought that’ll be twice now! (long story) So no I didn’t touch these three tasty plastic models up but they didn’t half look sexy, I guess that answer’s my earlier question doesn’t it, that women’s lingerie is purchased for their partner’s enjoyment…………… yes?

Discuss 😀 .

Before I leave you, this’ll be the first Valentine’s Day in 58 years that my dad hasn’t purchased a loving card for my mum 😦 . Isn’t memory robbing dementia is a wicked medical condition, I doubt he has any comprehension of what being married actually means? I’d guess in his own little world mum is now just a person who is always around the house at his ‘beck and call’, all terribly sad.

Anyways just so as to redress any perceived sexist imbalance, there’s not this is just for fun, but if anyone is unhappy here’s a photo whether you be straight or gay.

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Now I’m not gay but he is pretty fit!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

“Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!” (True story Tuesday)

You should know me by now! I’m a fascinated observer of the female human mamal, anything wrong in that?

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So with this week’s blog topic in mind, daily posts themed around women’s lingerie, I’m going to raise the tone of this ‘blog’ and write a post about yes women’s underwear, a tale prompted by mistakenly finding myself on ‘Marks and Spencer’s’ floor devoted to women’s undergarments…….. if you’ve never heard of M&S all you need to understand is 70% of women buy their underwear here, with Oxford’s Branch having half a floor devoted solely to this most Holy of intimate garment, seriously a cavernous expanse of delicate lingerie hanging in aisles interspersed by the occasional size 8 mannequin, dolled up in err……….. well use your imagination please!

Whatever the age M&S is Britain’s go to knicker store.

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And yes that is ‘Camilla Windsor’ being shown around M&S’s lingerie department!

When one descends the escalator within Oxford’s Debenhams department store, from top floor down to level number three, a traveller aboard this slow travelling walkway will invariably pass by ladies with a thoughtful expression etched across their brow and holding up some delicate garment of lingerie to the light. She’s of course deeply concentrated wondering whether this bra or pair knickers will look good on her figure, does she like the colour and of course most importantly of all whether purchasing is worth the asking price? Perhaps contemplating trying it on before going home and buying it a third off from Amazon? 

Yes? No? Please don’t answer………… and do people do this? I mean use a store only to test goods out? I hope not, I’m now very conscious of trying to buy what I need on the High Street or Mall, because  disappearing Town centres are often the heart of a community and they do provide jobs.

As an aside, Jeff Bezos Amazon has a one trillion dollar turnover, to me that stinks of a great many City centre shops having to close and many many thousand of workers having lost their jobs, PLUS he pays very little tax instead funnelling British online purchases through offices in Luxembourg…………. frigging hell man, at least pay the taxes you owe!!

Where was I before sidestepping into an angry rant, oh yes women purchasing their underwear! Actually if I wasn’t a skilled engineer I’d like to work in a lingerie department just to stand and watch these err sexy goings on, in fact I’d work for free!! Just imagine handling these pretty pieces of cloth ALL day long, mind you I’d stop at any ideas of helping out in the bra fitting rooms, sorry but that’s just plain creepy!

Jeez my train of consciousness even takes me back sometimes!

Where was I? Riding escalators observing women buy their underwear, and no I don’t return straight up to the top floor so as I can watch these ladies on the return journey down again, jeeze that would be just plain creepy (again) hmm would be fun though, even pressing that emergency red button that stops accidents from happening, err hasn’t 😀 ever crossed my mind!

However walking through Marks and Spencer’s first floor lingerie department in Oxford UK, is a WHOLE lot more emotionally nerve-racking, truly, at this point you may be perhaps thinking ‘A. Shepherdson pray why are you looking at women’s underwear?’ No NO I don’t wear lingerie, no if you need to return an item purchased, in order to reach ‘Returns Exchanges and Refunds’ situated at the rear of Floor 1, you have to walk through yes this gigantic expanse full of women’s underwear, rows and rows of it! Slightly disconcerting actually brushing past lacy pink twinsets, a sight captured by the corner of my eye because I’m not looking.

M&S’s underwear department used to be on the ground floor, to be more exact in front of the entrance to the food hall, then one time I had to take an unwanted item back, made for Returns on first floor, and there facing me is a retail cathedral space dedicated to just lingerie, I actually froze my feet unable to walk! They’d gone and redesigned the interior of the shop hadn’t they! In a state of near panic I walked up to a young lady dressed in black with her back to me, reaching to hang up a garment or take it down and asked her,

“Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where the Return’s counter is?”

This brunette young woman turned around, as startled as I was and no older than sixteen, well I ask you how was I to know this tall girl was a mere teenager? Jeez we all make honest mistakes, well her cheeks blushed and she nervously answered,

“Sorry I don’t work here”, and then her eyes quickly darted sideways to look at someone now standing beside me, I also turned to this person now stalking its prey, ME a single guy speaking with her daughter, and who did I see? Yes a middle aged woman and by the look of her quite obviously the young girl’s mother, well you can tell can’t you! The mother slightly taken aback then burst out laughing before saying,

“She doesn’t work for Marks and Spencer’s” and btw now smiling,

So I quickly replied “Oh no! Sorry I mistook her for a salesperson?” The mother laughed again saying “no worries” and I quickly turned and made for an exit, talk about embarrassing! Anyways I returned to the Store hours later, asked an actual member of staff this time for directions, and yes they’d moved Returns to way behind those racks of hanging underwear.

Yes a misunderstanding all around, omg I’m closer to the end than the beginning, my heart cannot take mild shocks like it use to!

Hmm amuses me still how nervous I get walking through a ladies underwear department, do all men feel this way? I guess subconsciously I’ll think back to the women I’ve undressed or watched undress, and yes like I said earlier while in Debenhams, I am amused watching women perusing selecting touching and holding towards bright fluorescent lights their soon to be purchased delicates! 

Anyways not to worry they both had a laugh at my expense, the mother seemed to think the mistaken identity absolutely hilarious? And I can imagine the daughter saying later “Do I look like I’m dressed as a shop worker for heaven’s sake?” But jeez you do have to be careful asking customers questions inside underwear departments, don’t you? Or are we men becoming slightly paranoid #MeToo fallout and all.

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Now I’m aware Superman wears his shorts on the outside but do women wear knickers on top of a pair of leggings? Or were they dressed by a guy 😀 !!

(I’ve thought about this seemingly inconsequential tale many times, a completely absurd scenario but what always confuses me is why this mother burst out into uncontrollable laughter? Perhaps I looked more startled than I ever assumed, or is the reason little more complicated than a ‘mummy bear looking out for her offspring bear cub? Funny old day.) 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (with Googled photographs not my own)

 

 

 

 

‘That sacred spot of blissful heaven’ (Erotic Monday)

If you’ve happened to read yesterday’s post, you’ll know all the five days this week I am writing a tale flash fiction or whatever on the theme of women’s lingerie, don’t ask why perhaps I’m just odd that way……………….. incidentally the ‘publishing’ sequence has changed, or in other words that’s the story of my WordPress. 

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Laying beside Karolina two Saturdays ago I don’t think I’ve felt happier in a long while, my lady’s aged 50 and extremely passionate, an amusing conversationalist if a little hard to follow as she’s from Poland, but not to worry she’s an extremely sexy lady, in fact my idea of a dream woman, and I know having a lady stick her tongue deep inside your mouth while kissing sounds a little ahem icky! But it really is sensuous and divine.

So where are we two aged lovers to be found? Me a fifty something who wears glasses when having sex, also Karolina with her dodgy knee that locks up meaning she has to clamber off the bed to give creaking joints a stretch! No arthritis just ‘ole mother time’ creeping up and don’t you find older women are more grateful of a guys romantic advances, not desperate for attention, no just content to be loved for who they are, no spring chicken and all, oh and fucked hard by a guy who prefers his sexual animal to be a woman of more mature years.

Where are we? Inside a Travelodge Inn alongside a busy A34 dual carriageway, a bedroom to be more exact, I’d guess American’s would call this establishment a Motel for lonely individuals driving monotonous ashen gray motorways in need of a cheap place to sleep of a night.

Our room is in pitch darkness apart from a shaft of bright light shining from the wardrobe bathroom, the temperature’s boiling as Motels often are and Karolina’s laying on our bed gazing at the ceiling with me close by her side, so close I’m all but cuddling with my body touching hers from my chest to my toes, snuggled in tightly, my six inch hardened dick resting atop her thigh and bucking bouncing off her skin to the beat of a drum, physiologically connected to the blood pumping through my heart.

Yes I do love her, my arm resting on her tummy a hand slipped inside her burgundy panties, the same exact colour as a good claret of wine. I’m not looking at her lingerie briefs though with two digit fingers gently sliding back and forth through the parted lips of her wet kitty, sweeter than wine and bare of all pubic hair but for a small stubbly patch on her mons pubis, lol there’s a medical term you don’t hear often! 

So do I miss that teenage pubic bush weeded out over the ravages of time? They’re kinda fun to run finger’s through or admire in the shower, a mop of brunette coloured hair dripping and wet.

With my fingertips doing all the talking below, my gaze is drawn to Karolina’s chest raising with every breath sipped in, two high round breasts nestling beneath her claret shaded bra cups, with its swirling patterns of lace matching the panties and my busy fingers inside, but hold on subconsciously my sexually aroused mind has control of my fingers without me knowing, playing a fiddle all by their own now pressed against her clit and dragging her intimate skin in small circles, the curtains of her labia lips now drawn tightly closed.

Then faintly audible to my ear, hardly noticeable within our church hushed boudoir, I heard the quietist whisper you ever did hear, Karolina with her eyes tightly closed, purred a softly spoken,

“Oh My God!”

Do you know if I’d cleared my throat or been distracted by noise outside I would have missed it!

She quiet startled me actually though not a muscle in my body responded to Karolina’s almost joyous incredulity, with my imagination pricked alive I suddenly realised my circling fingertips had touched a spot so sacred, nerve endings so excited by pleasure giving chemicals flooding her brain, a cocktail altering her mind, that for those few two seconds in time Karolina had been whisked to a blissful heaven itself.

(……………. and tomorrow, “Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!”)

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Why bother Voting when you live in a corrupt Democracy

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Suffragettes in London

I haven’t voted in British Politics since losing the referendum vote in early 2016, the infamous vote to leave the EU in other words Brexit!

No I’ve not cast my electoral vote in either a By-Election, General Election or West Oxfordshire District Council elections for the simple reason I am finished with British Party Politics, and no I’m not particularly proud to make such a sweeping statement but after the lies that have been spun to we the people, I’d suggest it would be wrong to Vote.

Can a political system be considered that corrupt that’s in fact wrong to cast a Vote?

Remembering back to 2016, I cannot recall David Cameron saying we were potentially going to leave the EU in his Campaign speeches, he cleverly omitted that catastrophe and omg look where we are now about to crash out of Europe! The seventeen million citizens who voted to Remain are treated by our Political leaders as though we don’t exist, vilified by the Far Right as trouble makers in fact we’re treated with contemptuous withering distain and our voices certainly never listened to, whatever your opinions of Britain it certainly is not a free and fair democracy.

Vote for the opposition Parties instead I hear you say? Labour is just as weak and incompetent as the Conservatives, so no I don’t intend to Vote in an official party election ever again and being as I can be a bloody minded ‘so and so’, I expect myself to keep my word.

Ahh but some commenters will suggest, “if you do not Vote then you wave your right to debate and discuss Politics” well that’s utter bs (in my humble opinion!) Previous generations have created a political system where the stupid masses (and that includes me) have been asked to vote on an issue they neither understand or were given the truthful facts about to begin with from its Government………… in fact I agree with Sir Alan Sugar when he said Gove, Rees-Mogg and Johnson should be in jail for the lies they have told.

So no I won’t Vote again in British elections, however I will play my role in fighting against Political injustice and no I don’t mean I’ll be throwing rocks or fire bombs in the Street (hmm then again) I’ll not be party to any physical violence, however I do intend to join the Vote Remain marches that are being planned for this forthcoming summer, I doubt they’ll change policies but at the least marching is a protest. The last demonstration march I took part in was the late eighties when Margaret Thatcher announced the closure of many deep coal mining Pits.

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And I’ve ALWAYS prided myself on this being a drama free WordPress! Therefore my next post won’t be Brexit related, how does a light hearted fun post sound?

©A. Shepherdson

I’ve been betrayed by my own Government

BREXIT thoughts, I wonder what I’ll make of this post when I reread it after Brexit day?

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2016 and Vote Leave’s ‘bloody’ red Bus! Reads like a sick joke in 2019

A coup d’état (def) is a sudden overthrow of a government usually by a small group of persons in positions of authority………. certainly feels like I’m living through one.

Today at Work the email (below) appeared in my Inbox, perhaps I shouldn’t share it on a Blog but I’m going to anyway, well an excerpt at least.

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I am pleased I was sitting down when reading the Vice Chancellor’s passage, ‘Extraordinary as it seems, the prospect of Britain leaving the EU without an agreement has become more real in the past few weeks’, the iconic phrase ‘sending cold shivers down spines’ is much overused but not in this case, actually I tell a lie I’m unsure how I managed not to burst into tears! I don’t think I’ve felt such despair in my life before, for the first time in nearly three years I think we’re going to Leave Europe without a (bad) Deal.

I fear I have to agree with our Vice Chancellor, this past two weeks Brexit politics inside the Houses of Parliament has turned nasty, hateful, the worst I have ever known…………. I’m truly running out to describe how toxic this debate has become, in truth I’ve slowly reached an awful realisation, for the first time because I used to be an optimist by nature, yes I’m beginning to believe we’re going to crash out of the EU without a Deal yet I’ve still the nagging question will the EU actually allow this to happen?

We are entering the political end game, the EU says it will not reopen negotiations and Parliament will not budge over The Irish Backstop, stalemate, brinkmanship, the only other option is to extend the Brexit process by three months but NO ONE wants to see that happen, we’ll only be at the same point come June.

What then? Another three months?

But ever the optimist again I return to my question will the EU allow Britain to crash out without a Deal? There’s no doubt whatsoever we WILL descend into civil disorder and who knows how bad that could be, throughout history many countries have spiralled into revolutions once food becomes scarce, UK supermarket shelves emptying of bread and milk will cause panic, hospitals without drugs and medicines means people will die, and what if angry distraught upset relatives begin destroying hospital wards in search of medical supplies because their loved ones are dying?

Yes we’re entering the game, either MP’s or EU bureaucrats have to backdown or we are about Exit absent of a Deal and possibly the complete destruction of Britain itself, even the beginning of a European recession and worst of all we’ve been lied and lied to.

Donald Tusk was correct today, David Cameron in 2016 offered the Country a Referendum without setting in place an Exit plan prepared and ready to go, he set in motion a coup d’état which is now unstoppable.

(Finally, in my previous post I stated I dislike bloggers who didn’t reply to a comment, forget that piece of opinionated nonsense, perhaps the comments that are written just aren’t worthy of a reply 🙂 )

A. Shepherdson 2019

 

150 posts published and a Challenge for you?

I’ve never set a Challenge before, but perhaps my Q’s could prompt a response.

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Our Lucy, perhaps one day I’ll be in a position to buy my own border collie pup

Yes 150 posts down and pretty near to my starting day March 10th 2018, I’ve been hanging around this internet backwater for eleven months now. So this evening I’m going to break a rule and write a blog about blogging, a rule? Yes I remember reading this just isn’t the done thing so I’ve adapted it to a Challenge.

A. Shepherdson’s 10 ‘blogging’ Questions.

1. My favourite blogs to read?

That would be unfair to divulge, all I will say is and honestly this has happened solely by chance, I err appear to only follow middle aged female writers! I know strange or what, I’d guess I’m subconsciously attempting to understand how a woman’s mind works?

2. Has writing been mentally good for you?

Most certainly yes, writing for me is a challenge I’ve suffered from depression and the process makes me feel good, btw many drafts are binned during that process, I understand I’m amongst far more talented writers than myself, many of my posts begin short and invariably finish 1000 words long 😦 , but I enjoy the challenge also the near orgasmic satisfaction as I strike that pink button in the top right hand corner which always used to be blue? 

3. What do you enjoy about WordPress? 

The freedom to write about whatever I wish, captures my imagination, or would hopefully be interesting to a reader and every post is original and written by myself, ok I steal borrow many photos from the internet, but I don’t make money here so I’d say ‘borrowing’ is ok? Perhaps not, but it WOULD be wrong if money changed hands which never will.

Following bloggers who’s writing speaks to me, touches me or is just plain right entertaining and of course perhaps most of all I enjoy interacting with other writers, some of which you get to know ‘blogging well’ through commenting and replying, that’s why we’re here isn’t it? To interact, write responses and take part in challenges, what’s the point ‘publishing’ something then clearing off to do something else.

4. Is there anything you dislike about WordPress? 

Easy, bloggers who make a point of stating they do not read blog post on WordPress period! Now I guess there’s no harm in that, but that distain seems so rude, well my answer to you lol is I’m not reading what YOU have to say, oh and not forgetting bloggers who don’t to reply to readers comments, seems very odd?………. Ok I’m being a little precious this evening but not to worry. 

5. Most bizarre blogging moment

This is again possibly easier to explain than you’d first imagine. Many many months ago I met with a WordPress Blogger in person, all above board with personal lol safety precautions in place 😀 and an interesting enjoyable experience meeting the lady was to!

This answer to number 5 is a post within itself, so briefly cutting a long story short we got chatting as you do both commenting and replying to each other’s blog posts, decided to go the step further and actually meet, so one summer’s afternoon I travelled to her home Town by Train, the lady met me at the Station greeting me with a big hug, and yes she was a ‘naughty story’ blogger and her figure was as buxom as I’d been truthfully led to believe.

We spent a lovely day together, both single mature adults we got on famously and hardly stopped chatting all day, quite early one she texted a friend to say ‘don’t worry Andrew’s ok and everything was fine’, we purchased food, she drove us to a beautiful secluded spot in the countryside and we shared a picnic together, the two of us sat in a field alongside a canal with boats sailing past.

So there you are I guess there’s little more bizarre than Actually meeting with a serious writer you’ve met on the internet? And NO nothing untoward or naughty happened whatsoever………….. our day finished later that same afternoon when she drove me to the station, we hugged tightly on the platform kissed (she was lovely) said goodbye and well that’s my true story.

6. Where does blogging go to next?

I guess the worst that could happen to WordPress is if Governments across the Globe limited what content can be viewed in their Country or vice versa! I know the EU are currently dabbling in planned censorship but that has more to do with copyright infringement, I guess Legislation could force WordPress into censorship in much the same way Laws are beginning to limit the way Facebook operates, I hope not because WordPress is frequented by serious writers and well-balanced intelligent adults who are doing little worse than sharing their thoughts on-line. I could envisage in the future a time of more censorship and an end to sex blogs, that would be a shame but then again children can access WordPress, and for fear of labouring a point I very much doubt children are reading blogs because, well do children actually read anymore?

Yes WordPress will evolve and change, but I’d guess they’ll be well aware any whiff of censorship would ‘kill their Golden Goose’.

7. When will you finish?

Now through the process of reading other people’s blogs I know this is a question often on people’s minds, how long I’ll be here I have no idea? I guess two answers will be when I’m no longer enjoying myself and when readers cease liking viewing and commenting, oh and when I run dry of ideas! Yes I think I’ll stop if I’m aware people are bored or no longer read. Remember I write for myself but come on if we’re all honest we enjoy entertaining and making people smile…………… 😀 perhaps we’re the equivalent to nineteenth century circus performing monkey’s.

8. Would you like to be more popular?

I guess the honest answer is yes, but I do have a sense many people write here then link to their Twitter feed also Facebook circle of friends, I haven’t a Twitter and never will be ‘On Facebook’ consequently I’ll never be haha famous, so my honest answer is if something I’ve created makes a reader smile or think yes ‘he makes a point’ :/ , then honestly who can ask for more?

9. What has been your most popular post also why?

This question fascinates me, why are some posts more popular than others, and interrogating my viewing numbers also Countries who watch me, I have a sense my countryside photo posts are popular in places like India? And never ceases to surprise me a post I thought absolutely fantastic didn’t do so well in likes and views, yet a post I thought perhaps uninteresting actually did appear to be popular…….. I guess the saying ‘you pays your money and makes your choice’ applies.

The most popular? My tale themed Beautiful Helen from across the road a sexy story which is my number 1, possibly because the photo looks down a woman’s cleavage………….. only a thought but sex does sell.

10. Number 10?

You cannot have 9 questions to a list can you? There just has to be 10 or it looks odd! Hmm so let me think for a second, something out the ordinary, ok yes how’s about, ‘would you ever contemplate writing a sex blog?’ (Btw I’m NOT saying write one!!!)

Perhaps write your own (short) answers and link to this post? If not I hope you enjoyed my answers.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Snowing in Oxfordshire

Ok I realise I said in an earlier post that I’m not going to share quite so many of my YouTube videos, but you should know be now, I change my mind nearly as much as the weather does……………. hmm a pretty clever timely analogy don’t you think?

Not to worry though 🙂 perhaps I should learn not to take myself tooo seriously, so below you can see the video uploaded just now swirling snow flurries and all! I filmed it 12 o’clock last night and hopefully also compliments the blog photographs I ‘snapped’ in the previous post click Panic buying in Tesco’s

A. Shepherdson 2019

Panic buying in Tesco’s!

(Btw Tesco’s is Britain’s leading budget Supermarket)

Yes as you can see by the photos below snow is falling in Oxfordshire, half past twelve last night I stood in the front door of my home (not outside cause I’d freeze wouldn’t I!) Photographing these four wintry suburban scenes, and I have to say the tablet captured those swirling snow flurries quite impressively?

Panic buying it happens every year and I don’t understand why? I guess human beings deep down are emotionally insecure and most definitely selfish animals, we worry and panic don’t we at the ever-so slightest hint of a disaster, people are even beginning to hoard food because of the prospect of a no deal Brexit for heaven’s sake, hmm :/ perhaps storing some tinned soup might not be a bad idea? Just in-case, saves starving in March.

That’s enough Brexit chat!

Where was I? Oh yes panic buying food from my Tesco’s around the corner, earlier this morning I ventured out into our -30 raging blizzard, that’s a lie it was 2 degrees and the snow was already thawing, walked the short way to the store only to see people streaming out the entrance pushing ‘trolley’s’ laden down with fruit veg and loaves of bread, wtf, what drives people to act this way? The snow will have cleared by Saturday and delivery lorries will be restocking the shelves by Sunday…………… I guess the answer is being prepared is both rational and irrational thinking in equal shares.

But being serious for a second panic buying is possibly on a lot of people’s minds at present, and most definitely Mrs May’s Government will be aware if food runs short, or out completely, they’ll almost definitely be rationing and possibly civil unrest! History teaches us in the midst of crisis ‘spivs’ (entrepreneurial human beings) will see this as an opportunity to make money, remember those wartime shady characters fuelling a thriving black market……………….. ok perhaps I’m being a little overdramatic for literary effect but major grocers warned this week of food shortages, finger’s crossed it never gets to this.

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A winter’s scene
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Swirling snowflakes captured beneath orange ‘housing estate’ lamplight
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I had to crop this one else you’ll be able to read the street sign and Google me. 😀 You may well laugh lol!

….…………… and below pictures taken this morning looking out my back kitchen door, THREE FRIGGING WHEELIE BINS for heavens sake! Not forgetting waste food caddies and black plastic boxes for glassware, my garden is little more than postage size refuge dump……….. ok I’m only joking, the food waste powers electricity making equipment, garden plants branches and organic cuttings are sent to be converted into compost, and anything else of use is recycled…………… at least human beings are being held accountable for the sheer quantity of household waste going into landfill!

Oh and the steel metal drum with a ‘donut ring’ shaped layer of snow on top is of course my upcycled washing machine ‘Firepit’…………. which I’ve still yet to use.

As for me I’ve taken a day off work and won’t be venturing out again. Stay safe 🙂 .

©A. Shepherdson 2019

A response post

Response to lauraoettigerbooks and anyone else with a passing interest in astronomy 🙂 .

Above you see my Skywatcher telescope and our Moon photographed by positioning my Fuji camera (purchased from eBay) above the eyepiece lens…………….. not ideal hence this digital picture is slightly blurred.

Not to worry.

Looking this evening at your blog photographs of Venus Jupiter and our Moon, I’m reminded I never asked if you have a telescope of your own? Then again that awesome camera lens of yours takes such fabulous photos perhaps you don’t need one 🙂 .

Anyways, the reason behind this brief response to your photo themed website is to say with a moderately priced refracting telescope, similar to my own pictured above, point at planet Jupiter and you will clearly make out the four Moons orbiting, however better still you’ll clearly observe the many surface bands encircling the planet itself!!! Blew me away the first time I saw it.

The drawback of refracting telescopes is of course they aren’t really suitable for deep space viewing, but I’m not too concerned perhaps one day when I’ve the money? Very briefly the reason refractors aren’t suitable for deep space viewing, is simply because cassegrain’s allow more light into the instrument, refractors are limited by the diameter of that first optic lens………………. larger the lens the more expensive the telescope 😦 .

Technical bit over!  

Anyways seeing as you’re interested in observing our Moon I thought I’d write a post rather than comment. Personally speaking I never tire of gazing at the Moon, yes I’d agree some people my feel deflated after buying a telescope seeing that you can only really look at the Moon in close up, also beautiful Jupiter, the white dot that is Venus, Saturn if you’re lucky and of cause orange Mars (lol again only a small dot) but that’s never worried me unduly, no the Moon never disappoints because the gazing experience is also emotional, men and women gaze in wonderment just because amongst the hustle and bustle of Earth life, looking at the Moon reminds us we are not alone in the Universe?

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Zoom eyepiece which I’m yet to use……………. :/ hope it’s ok.

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Ray’s ‘ONE’ writing challenge

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Been a while since I’ve taken part in any writing challenge, some bloggers refer to these as Awards (never understood that one?) But I prefer the idea challenges are answering cool questions with honest personal answers, they’re possibly more fun writing than reading but fun all the same, like I said Victoria’s dreamt up an interesting 11 Q’s. 

1. One person who inspired you? Honestly I really struggled with this one, my brother? No perhaps more truthfully my mother, she’s the bedrock of our family where no problem is insurmountable, and within minutes of speaking with a total stranger I’m in awe of her ability to appear that they’d been good friends for years, I was incredulous watching her at 12 as I am now at 50.
 
2. One moment that changed the course of your life? Age 16 opening the letter from an engineering firm offering me a four year toolmaking apprenticeship, truly the happiest four years of my life AND I was paid a wage to learn skills I still enjoy using today, not forgetting those friendships with thirty other young men my age, their laughter, humour, comradery and bullshit tales……. happy days.
 
3. One thing that you would change about yourself, your life, the world 

About myself? Better able to chat up women, truly I’m ok once in bed with them.

About my life? I’d do anything not to be living in a Country engulphed by a chaotic political madness known as BREXIT……….. the fallout will define the way I live until the day I die, thanks a bunch David Cameron you asshole!

The World? The honest answer is I’m weary and perhaps I’ve given up a little (Brexit is that bad), I’ve had enough of the constant bombardment of bad news, no horrific tragic news stories and wish the World never let them happen…………. A close relative many years ago committed suicide, still affects me now and perhaps will the more I get older?

4. One hero/heroine from past/or present? Easy, Elizabeth I, for some reason her reign captures my imagination more than any other person, I visited ‘The Tower’ last year, I remember climbing the spiral stone steps within on of the confined claustrophobic towers thinking to myself, ‘I am walking in the exact same steps as Elizabeth’, sounds pretentious? No completely true.
 
5. One cultural recommendation (film, book, song, painting)?

Film? As of now, Roman Polanski’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles, one afternoon our O level English literature class went to watch a screening at the cinema, a gorgeous beautiful film that blew me away and also regrettably the ONLY thing I can remember from two years of studying English Literature! I’m a late bloomer.

Book? Easy! ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, without fail I read this ‘Ghostly Tale’ no earlier than two day’s before Christmas day, AND without fail I begin reading feeling like ‘oh no not again, do I have to? I know this story err like the back of my hand!’ HOWEVER by the finish of page 1, a gem of a beginning where Dickens has without question convinced the reader Marley is dead as a doornail that I am well and truly hooked (if you don’t believe he’s dead then the tale is un-believable). ‘A Christmas Carol’ is that good hence the many screen adaptations, yes reluctantly even the Muppet one. However the book is darker and more sinister than many might assume, the scene where Spirit three reveals to Scrooge HE is the dead man lying beneath the headstone is truly spine chilling……. Scrooge hadn’t suspected it was he after listening in to so many huddled conversations of people he’d known. So why read at Christmas? The ghostly tale is set at Christmas time therefore my own (now waning) excitement enriches the experience, but above all else throughout his book Dickens poses uncomfortable truths about my own failings prejudices, I haven’t given enough to charity that past year, I could have been more generous of spirit, ‘aren’t there tooo many children born into the world?’ ‘I pay my taxes so are there not enough workhouses to house the poor?’…………. a brilliant little book.

Btw I enjoy the concept of reading Hardy, but alas his novels get the better of me apart from his book of short stories………. hmm I think I have a short attention spans but I’m improving.

Song? Honestly Changes by the minute or the hour, I enjoy listening to BBC Radio 2 and I’m more than happy with their selections………. ‘The Sweetest Thing’ by U2 perhaps.

Painting? A day spent wandering around Tate Britain looking at paintings is my idea of a great ‘arty’ day, I know not a jot about art but I get satisfaction from looking at a painting that emotionally touches my heart and soul…………. pretentious? No we all enjoy art that speaks to us.

6. One challenge the world is facing? According to David Attenborough human extinction! This natural history guru expert and genius just days ago said mankind is facing extinction and I fear he may be correct.

7. One great thing that we have achieved? Sending a man to the moon, have him walk about its surface then returning him home safely again, I look at the moon through my telescope with awe and wonder because visiting seems so conceptually fantastical, in fact I near cannot believe it happened but I know America did, well done America.

8. One regret? I miss all four of my Grandparents still to this day, my mother married very young so I was blessed to be around them well into my thirties (we all live to a minimum of age83 in our family), perhaps mum’s father most of all, he took me to games of cricket as a child then years later I accompanied him as an old gentleman…………… wonderful happy days.

9. One nugget of advice for humanity? For Christ’s sake learn how to Govern yourselves with intelligence humanity and humility, devoid of greed avarice and selfishness, happily pay yourselves exactly the same wages, provide free healthcare and education for everyone……. ffs the list goes on and on!
 
10. One alternative career path you might have chosen? If I hadn’t been fortunate with gaining a toolmaking apprenticeship I’d like to have trained as an electrician, then again several years ago I happened across a genuine adult film company website, they were advertising lol for amateur male Pornstars………… no seriously, ordinary men were invited to apply sending a photo, you’d assemble at a hotel, the ONLY professionals were female porn models and well you get the idea!!!………. Ok I never ever seriously contemplated applying geez what if my mother had found out, also it’s disgustingy sordid and seedy but the temptation was definitely there, should I/would I is quite a moral dilemma? Lol ok I wasn’t tempted and then there’s the questions could I remain hard for 2hours and is six inches enough?

11. One thing that you could do better, but you don’t? Live a little.

Enjoyed answering.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Martial Law? We didn’t vote for this

I’ve changed my opinion on Mrs May, we all make mistakes and misjudgements and I fear I have! Today I thought David Lammy’s words captured The UK’s current state of chaos completely because we the British People were promised a Deal would be put in place before we withdrew from Europe. 

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David Lammy MP

Responding to news the Government was looking at the possibility of a martial law scenario, Labour MP and Best for Britain campaign supporter, David Lammy said:

“This is a full-blown crisis. The Government is recklessly drawing up plans for a colossal act of self-harm. Through continuing on the path to Brexit, despite having achieved no consensus on a deal in Parliament, the Government is preparing to declare war on itself.
 
The idea that the Government has any mandate for this catastrophic scenario is ludicrous. The Leave campaign promised a stable new trading relationship with the EU after Brexit, not total isolation and soldiers in our airports.”

I voted Remain because I’m old enough sane enough intelligent enough to understand all Governments lie to their voters, always have done and always will………. my following Post won’t be Brexit related but I JUST had to get this off my chest.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

Washing machine Review & ‘firepit’ saga (pt3/5)

Two Post today! But first an Update and a Review.

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My new washing Machine

Amazing how the absence of a camera lens (above) distorts photos taken by a tablet, I think I’ll stick with my £8 Fuji eBay purchase in future.

For those readers unfamiliar with my unforeseen washing machine saga series, I began by intending to show you how to replace a rubber seal on my 19 year old Bosch, I changed the part but the appliance never worked again? And the reason why wasn’t even my fault………. read here if you need to but lol I wouldn’t bother 😀 .

So I’ve given up any dreams of becoming an electrical appliance maintenance engineer, and instead decided to upcycle/convert the old washing machine drum into a fire pit/garden incinerator or better still BBQ, and please do read that post here. (Helps for later)

However before I write a ‘How To’ guide for making a drum firepit (remember upcycling means taking a defunct product and converting it into something usable) I thought I’d share a brief review of my new machine pictured above ABSENT OF AN ACCOMPANING YOUTUBE VIDEO!

(As an aside, WordPress is a haven for expressing yourself through the written word, so perhaps I shouldn’t post tooo many of my own YouTube videos here? Not to worry my ‘Blog’ features less than 1% video media.)

Now to my first product review, by that I mean a buyers first thoughts.

Where was I? Oh yes my review of something purchased, one day I’ll learn the art of keeping my thought processes on track!

As I’ve written before my previous Bosch washing machine lasted 19years, my Hotpoint Refrigerator finally died 18years ago and I’m writing not a jot about my Hotpoint Freezer for fear of tempting fate!!! Have I been lucky? I guess so yes, but don’t get me started with regurgitating my kitchen oven rant or I’ll be still here 1000 words later still spitting feathers.

I’d guess the maxim ‘you get what you pay for’ applies to everything in life, a Bosch appliance isn’t the cheapest to purchase however as we’re informed they’re built in Germany a Country that builds quality engineered products, alas unlike mine own which appears to manufacture very little these days but that’s a WHOLE different BREXIT story.

Early days! I’ve only used my new Bosch Vario Perfect Serie 4 for a handful of washes, but all’s well and good and machine operates as instructed, not forgetting of course a Bosch comes with a 2 year manufacturers warranty as standard 🙂

Finger’s crossed, I very much doubt it’ll last another 19years but who knows?

Two very pleasant gentlemen from ‘John Lewis’ (upmarket UK store) both delivered and fitted it two weeks ago, and I hadn’t realised washing machines no longer require hot water feeds, no the only two pipes that need connection are the cold water inlet feed and a drain pipe taking the ‘dirty water’ away. They installed the appliance giving me brief operating instructions before leaving and advising I begin with a 4hour 90 degrees wash cycle, that sounds frigging expensive!

90 degrees Celsius for heavens sake! (Does anyone wash at 90 degrees? Discuss)

The accompanying guide manual is a little daunting reading to begin with, phrases like Speed Eco Water, Heavy soiling, Plus/Rinse Plus/Wash and the like, but then again don’t they say Washing machines are designed by men? Select a cycle by turning the control dial and there are ten cycles to choose from cottons delicates etc, each option displays the spin cycle speed, beginning to end time also temperature as a pre-set and I guess you choose your favourite then stick with it for many years to come? Btw I didn’t know this, but the faster the spin the more creases that are put into the garments err wow? I’ll get the hang of it, oh and there are additional settings for short eco washes pre soaks etc but a couple of hours at 40 degrees has suited me fine for this past 20years.

A major improvement compared to my old Bosch machine is the spin cycle is a whole lot quieter than before, and of course if you never overload the drum in weight then you’ll never experience vibration problems applies, yes my Bosch quietly spins itself into a 1400 purring cycle and as I’ve hinted at finger’s crossed no problems yet.

So does anyone actually concern themselves worrying about garment crease levels? Or do you throw in 2 detergent tablets, close the door and wash at 40 degrees for a couple of hours every single time?

A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Upcycling! My Washing Machine firepit (BBQ?)

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I’m hoping this Googled image (above) gives you an idea of what a washing machine DRUM fire pit looks like, yes they can be used as BBQ’s 🙂 (garden incinerators?)

Below you see my very recent homemade video uploaded to my YouTube Channel…………. don’t get tooo excited I receive very few views on the site AND make no money) but hey making videos is much the same as WordPress……….. fun……… why not have a go?

(My apologies for whispering, Sunday morning and I didn’t want my neighbours to think I was going loopy talking to myself!!)

Upcycling – Upcycling, also known as creative reuse, is the process of transforming by-products, waste materials, useless, or unwanted products into new materials or products of better quality or for better environmental value.

So you are maybe aware of my ongoing washing machine saga no? Well to cut a short story even shorter, several weeks ago I had planned to share write a post with accompanying video on how to fix a broken washing machine blah blah blah lol, well it didn’t happen, I fixed the new part but the machine err never worked again!

Who knows what went wrong? Not to worry, my Bosch appliance was 19years old so I wasn’t about to pay £90 call out plus parts, and then it may never work again anyway?

So I decided instead to extract the stainless steel drum from within my washing machine and upcycle/transform into a wood burning fire pit, never heard of them? Well you’ll find tens of videos on YouTube, also they cost £25 on eBay so if you have a broken down machine why not make your very own for zero pounds/dollars……….. anyways my firepit project was a success…….. jeez extracting the drum was hardly rocket science and very easy to do!

Why not have a go yourselves, now you may be wondering how hard can this be? Well I’d guess the skill level is a medium, anyways why not read my following post where I’ll explain ‘how to’ and judge for yourselves, err when I’ve written it that is.

So to wrap up todays upcycling money saving post, my very own How to, Do it yourself, Step by step explanation will appear here sooon…….…..

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Use Vinegar! Costs less and it works

This post isn’t blogging advice per say but its dawned on me over this past 10 months, those people Reading my thoughts March 2018 won’t be the same as today, so if you haven’t already noticed Andrew’s WP is an eclectic jumble of personal anecdotes which I guess is the theme, jeeze I’d get so bored writing about just one topic hence the tag-line ‘Blogging Thoughts Photos and Life’……….. (another way of warning you I’ve written a true tale sharing the first occasion a ‘knicker-less’ lady sat on my face 😛 , though I should add I’ve enjoyed more pleasurable experiences in my lifetime!)

:/ A post I’ll save for another day.

This evening I have a household tip for you which I’d guess many male/lady Readers will already be aware of but hey the magical cleaning effects of Distilled Vinegar still astounds me……. ‘no s*** Sherlock’ these are seriously impressive results!

Several posts previous you may have watched my instructive YouTube Video where I show you How To change bathroom basin taps blah blah blah………… well just be aware I live in an area of the UK plagued by hard water, Oxfordshire, seriously Limescale is deposited into every appliance that heats water as a process of its purpose in life, kettles, washing machines, dishwashers, plumbing joints, Limescale f***s them one and all.

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Basin drain pipe BEFORE being dipped in Vinegar 😦
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Basin drain pipe AFTER being dipped in Vinegar 🙂 ……… I know it’s a frigging miracle!!

The very first time I tried this ‘Life Hack’ (isn’t that the term cool kids say on YouTube sharing easy tips for solving technology problems?) I was amazed, in fact so amazed I’ll show the ‘before and after pics’ side by side!

Hmm :/ I wonder why ‘Johnson and Johnson’ doesn’t share this £0.34 household cleaning tip with customers?

Without wishing to labour my incredulity tooo far, I’m absolutely amazed how a God awful looking Limescale’d component can look spectacular sparkling shiny and brand new after immersion, and better still I didn’t have to spend a fortune buying fancy plastic bottles (future landfill) full of corrosive chemicals that DON’T work ANYWAY? Furthermore Vinegar is completely safe to humans and metals though apparently being a mild acid it can redden human skin, so wear gloves (I didn’t he says wincing when a little entered a cut on my hand) but hey I’ve lived to tell the tale.

Wear rubber gloves!!

I should add my Grandmother pickled many a garden food stuff in Distilled Vinegar so I doubt a little on the hands will kill me, and better still this life hack requires zero elbow grease which if you are lazy like me is fabulous, so what’s not to like about cleaning components using a 34p bottle of Vinegar? What’s more the magical liquid is guaranteed to work (because chipping away with chisels doesn’t!) Btw if you are worried about plastic destroying aquatic environments you can still purchase Distilled Vinegar sold in glass bottles! 

Immerse in Vinegar, wait 10+ minutes then watch the Limescale just fall away, btw please comment if the information I’ve imparted is wrong suspect or hazardous, thank you.

©A. Shepherdson 2019.

My own ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’…….. a Response!!!

If little else please watch the video at the end, ty.

This post is I suggest a Response to ‘Is Andrew (slightly) Racist’, here I point the finger of blame at 4 British Politicians, my own ‘Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse’ I hold RESPONSIBLE for our current Brexit mess, sorry Brexit tragic madness 😦 . Lol these last two Rants are why I avoid writing about politics………. how about a little ❤ sex next? Discuss 😀

‘British privately educated politicians! They exude a sneering veneer of authenticity, coupled with enormous privilege that is flaunted rather than hidden.’

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David Cameron, George Osborne, Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg

William Shakespeare once wrote ‘All the World is a Stage’, one of those many sayings that stick in the mind and the older I get the more I understand this great writer’s genius observation applies to us all, whether that be at work, or the school you send your children to, yes they are all Stages at your local Theatre the ones we are mere players in. There’ll be gossip and intrigue, heroes and villains not forgetting many a scheming Machiavellian stabbing in the back. Whether workplace, school or politics each one of us is acting out a part, it’s only the Stage and storyline that changes, so yes William Shakespeare’s genius pearl of wisdom never fails to give me pause for thought.

Enough talk of Brexit except hold on, only the other day I suddenly realised four Politicians names time and again reappear over this past three years, little different to reoffending suspects at a crime scene, if a Theatre Stage themed Brexit existed, then these four major player’s names will perform over and over and over again.

Like bad pennies four keep turning except one culprit, PM David Cameron dare not show his face in public, an odious showman, the chief architect of Brexit has disappeared leaving the whole sorry mess for other mortals to try and clean up…………. Cameron is a man President Obama was once over heard calling “a light weight” and I now understand where Obama was coming from……… a wise man indeed.

You may have guessed I dislike David Cameron mainly because he broke the most important rule in politics life namely, 

“You cannot play Politics with People’s jobs and services……..”, to quote the great speech given by Labour leader Neil Kinnock. 

Britain’s sorry tale began when David Cameron promised his Euro sceptic MPs a Referendum both expecting and hoping we the public would vote to Remain in Europe, back in 2016 we had the farcical sight of a Prime Minister campaigning for an issue he didn’t want or believe in yet a policy he set the wheels in motion, crazy madness, jeeze don’t you think that near criminal Leadership?…………. Yes Cameron played politics with peoples lives, he divided a nation who now loath each other, and now I have to live through this sorry mess for the next twenty five years……………… Brexit will be the defining political moment of my generation.

Oh yes returning to those four politicians I now like to call The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because they have many things in common, each is male white skinned middle aged and Conservative for one, all are privately educated privileged and arrogant, all Graduated from Oxford University, each one is as Right Wing as D. Trump and all four in some way architects of Britain’s Brexit mess. David Cameron and Chancellor Osborne came up with the idea to leave, whilst Boris Johnson the poster boy of the leave campaign and arch Eurosceptic Jacob Rees-Mogg urged us to vote Leave, and yet unbelievably incredibly Rees-Mogg is idealised by the out of work and poor, why?………. So very strange that those who have nothing worship men of wealth power and privilege who have everything.

Reminds me of those privately educated Generals and Field Marshalls who ordered millions of young men to their deaths in World War One, the famous saying ‘Lions led by (privately educated) Donkey’s’ never rings truer especially now.

So here are my ‘Four Horsemen’ pictured below wearing dinner jackets and top hats, faces of arrogant dull unintelligent men lifted from another Century, men in the top echelons of power solely because of the school and university they attended and what’s even worse, there are thousands like them in positions of power across Britain.

Cameron Rees-Mogg Osborne and Johnson went to Eton the same Public School that has provided Great Britain with 29 other Prime Ministers………… quite unbelievable that so many Leaders have come from one School, yet these four criminals have one further major failing, before entering politics none hadn’t worked a regular job in the real world, they’re all career politicians devoid of any talents where wealth affords below average men to play dangerous games with people’s lives.

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The Oxford University photo David Cameron (2) wished had never been taken, white, wealthy, privileged and arrogant young men sitting on the steps of The Bullingdon Club, ONLY made worse by the fact David Cameron was my Member for Parliament.
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Again Oxford University’s ‘Bullingdon Club’ except a different year. The privately educated old Etonian far left is George Osborne………….. Chancellor and chief architect of Brexit……. and what’s with the Bullingdon Club’ photos? They’re ALL looking in different directions?
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British Conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg MP, and God Help Us possibly a future Prime Minister!

Yet will David Cameron have the last laugh? Will migrants stop coming to Britain? Will European Laws no longer apply? Btw I’m not holding my breath on either of those last two!!! Hmm :/ are some decisions in life too important to allow uneducated people to vote upon?’ (And that includes me).

…………………… and finally if you’re curious as to seeing the best bit from ‘That Speech’, well I found it on YouTube and now regarded as ‘one’ of the most famous political Speeches of the last Century. Yes.

Please feel free to disagree with any of my ‘now not so private’ views.

©A. Shepherdson 2018

MY new YouTube video: ‘How to fit a ………

….…………… my narration does improve! But as you’ll understand us guy’s are incapable at multitasking! Thinking and speaking whilst holding a camera lol ain’t so easy, it improves!

Jeeze I just had a thought!!! You know my previous Post, the sexy story with the warning NSFW, well don’t panic my new YouTube Video isn’t of an adult nature, NO definitely not, today’s 11 minute video displayed below instructs the viewer How To Fit New Taps onto their Bathroom Wash Basin

Btw narrated by me Andrew Shepherdson 🙂 .

Calling a Plumber can cost a fortune, so if you need to fit new bathroom Taps why not Do-It-Yourself, as for basic tools required a water pipe wrench and adjustable spanner should suffice. 

Regular Readers to my WordPress will almost certainly understand this ‘blog’ is eclectically themed, basically I write about ‘everything and anything’ that captures my imagination, the reason? Easy, variety excites my creative juices rather than blogging on one single theme, btw I should add I’m finished with writing sexy adult stories for the foreseeable future 🙂 , 😦 ‘Gemma’s Wet Kitty was perhaps a little tooo explicit for classy ladies with sensitive dispositions.

Please comment with questions or if you’d like to read a ‘How To Guide’, a written descriptive Post with photographs which could perhaps compliment the video.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

‘Gemma’s wet kitty’ (NSFW)

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Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!

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Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’

Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?

I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,

“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”

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And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.

So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!! 

But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,

“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”  

“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.

And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!

‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’

However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.

Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.

I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.

And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,

“Oh yes……(insert 3 seconds)……. oh yes…………….. oh yes……….….. oh yes………….”

Pausing as a pink wet tongue appears through parted lips, only to be circled and licked back into her mouth before she returns to her metronomic soft encouragement,

“…..oh yes……..…….. oh yes……..….. oh yes…………….. don’t stop………….. oh yes……..…”

And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?

Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’ 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 

2019, WordPress and broken washing machines

Basically the lady’s pose below is all my Bosch washing machine could be useful for, BTW what an earth are they doing? Don’t answer!

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This might make a few of you laugh, I took the front of my washing machine off, fitted the new seal correctly which looks fantastic, refitted the front panel, pressed the ‘start button’ and sweet FA happens!!!! Tell a lie, I can hear an electrical buzzing sound emanating from the motor………….. now I’m not an electrician, but I’m wondering has pulling a 19 year old washing machine out from under the kitchen unit knocked a contact out or whatever?

To be completely serious I’m feeling pretty deflated, I didn’t damage any components putting it together, but as anyone will tell you electrical conundrums are the worst kind of problem.

Now to a question that’s been playing upon my mind, shall I’ll write for WordPress in 2019 or not? (But don’t get me wrong I’ve enjoyed 2018.) My only certainty as regards 2019 is frigging (I was going to swear) I know for sure all problems BREXIT will be on my mind every single hour of the day, this political mess near drains all life blood and energy out of me not forgetting a will to actually live if I’m being honest.

How do you remain positive when the world around you is crumbling to dust?

AS Graham Norton recently said “everyone now knows BREXIT was a bad idea”, I’ll go further and say half the Country are angry we haven’t left yet, the other half are angry because they never wished to leave in the first place, worse still economically I think Britain will be ruined. So yes the Sun will rise next morning, life will go on but BREXIT is a mess, and worse even still we have unintelligent averagely intelligent human beings (Politicians) totally incapable of solving the unsolvable, how many worst case scenarios are there before one gives up? 😦 .

So I ask you, I voted in a democratic Referendum and lost, shit happens, so do I abide by the will majority of the people who voted to leave? OR do I take to the Streets and demonstrate, throw rocks, burn cars and riot all in the name of injustice or against unfair legislation that I perceive as injustice? Or do I watch TV and do nothing? One thing’s for sure though, come next March we’ll get a bad deal BREXIT i.e. Europe will punishes us and people WILL die in Hospitals (the latter is a consequence….. Possibly.) But hold on, history teaches us good things are born from revolution, so perhaps I should throw a few ‘Cocktails?

Catch-22: a paradox in which the attempt to escape makes escape impossible.

So today begins a Virgin New Year, a new dawning for all you bloggers, so what of my WordPress in 2019? BREXIT will be the defining moment of my Generation so I really should write about food shortages and ‘ferry ship’ space currently being booked for the supply of medical drugs, or that military leave is being cancelled for March because of a fear of civil unrest. I should write about riots and Hospital mayhem shouldn’t I, the trouble is I don’t really wish to, writing Blogs about day-trips, cookery, early evening thoughts are MORE fun but does seem a little pointless aside this political mayhem, hmm a blogging Catch-22 to me or perhaps I’m muddling my paradoxes.

Anyways I could bore you all with more tales of BREXIT so I won’t and instead wish you all a very Happy New Year and I really DO mean that ❤ …………. Andrew is always honest.

Now I’ve got go on-line and buy a new washing machine!

A. Shepherdson 2019

FULL MOON – from my rear garden – 22/12/2018

This is my response to WordPress blogger author Laura (click here) and if you know me at all, I enjoy interacting with other bloggers 🙂 , all good fun!

“Here men from planet earth first set foot upon The moon. July 1969AD. We came in peace for all mankind” (Neil Armstrong)

Below you see a picture of the Moon I photographed yesterday evening, as you are all no doubt aware, December 22nd was the shortest day, and luckily for myself we in Oxford were gifted a wonderful bright Full Moon……………. if a little cloudy! Still to this day when I gaze up at the Moon I’m both emotionally and conceptually ‘blown away’ that man walked upon it’s surface………………. very near incredible but with my ❤ heart of hearts I believe!

So how did I capture this image? By holding my camera to the telescope eyepiece hence the peripheral black circular border……….. hmm I’m happy with it and definitely the ‘best of the rest 😀 .’ Incidentally the darker surface patches you see are named ‘seas’, as in Sea Of Tranquillity’ ‘Sea of Serenity’ ‘Sea Of Fertility’ etc.

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Full Moon December 22nd 2018, photograph taken by my eBay purchased digital camera looking directly through my telescope eyepiece. With-out Moon Filter (please feel free to copy if you wish).

Picture below reminds me I never painted my garden fence in 2018 😦 .

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My Skywatcher Refracting Optical Telescope pointing toward tonight’s Full Moon, picture taken from my back garden 22/12/2018
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Btw it’s neither raining or snowing, those white dots picked up by the camera are tiny dew droplets, the air was thick with mist and wispy clouds kept obscuring the Moon.
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Of all the photographs taken yesterday evening I think this is my favourite, a Moon Crater is clearly visible also a very much in focus edge to the Moon.
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Lens fitted with Moon Filter this time

Below more photos now see if you can spot the one’s taken without a fitted Moon Filter, and btw it’s not the length of your telescope that counts, the diameter of the first optic denotes the size of the celestial image.


And Finally, wonderful photographs taken by Apollo 11-17 astronauts standing upon the surface of the Moon. A little geeky information for you, Apollo astronauts had a fixed focus specially designed Hasselblad camera attached to their chest, to which 70mm film magazines were fitted each taking 165 frames, along with moon rocks the photos were the only objects to return and are now stored inside a refrigerated building in Texas. Several years ago the 70mm film was defrosted over 24 hours, rolled out and unfurled then digitally scanned. After wonderful scan shots had been taken they were rolled up again and back into freezer storage.

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YouTube’s ‘How To fix something yourself’ videos are fabulous

Watching YouTube videos is great fun if you have time to waste spare, but amongst the skateboarding border collie videos, or women taking part in braless wet tee shirt competitions! Would you like to see videos of wet tee shirt competitions? No? Ok no. 😁

(Each to their own lol)

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But sift through all the YouTube silliness and you will discover ‘How to’ videos both filmed and starring men and women showing/instructing/demonstrating to the viewer ‘How To’ fix something anything! Several years ago I installed a complete new bathroom suite and virtually learnt to tile walls by watching YouTube videos uploaded by enthusiastic amateurs, and yes they knew what they were doing and had the digital footage to help.

Now cutting a short story even shorter, I’ve filmed several ‘How to’ videos such as ‘How to cast concrete’ and to answer your next question ‘why do people do this?’ The reason why is as simple as passing on tips and ideas whether cooking, gardening or installing a kitchen sink. I’ve filmed several because they’re fun, lol I have a frustrated TV presenting ego but most importantly I’d love to think I’ve saved someone their hard earned money by having a try themselves………….. after all finding a Tradesmen, finding a Tradesman who will do a good job and won’t charge you a fee you’ll need a small bank loan to pay for, are all bloody nightmares. 

(Ok if you have a young family then I DO understand spare time is non existent.)

Jeez I watch those Tradesmen cowboys on the telly, thick unskilled highwaymen who’ll rip off innocent pensioners out of their savings……….. AND do a botched job!

Agreed?

Many years ago my Central Heating Pump stopped working, *****d it was, I remember opening the airing cupboard door gazing at the pump beside the copper water tank and thinking tooo myself, shall I fix it myself or call a Gas Fitter? Yep I opened my copy of Yellow Pages, took a punt on a guy I’d never heard of before, and yes he installed a new pump and yes my credit card took a hammering! He did a good job but overcharged me for the parts (after comparing his invoice to internet prices) and his frigging labour charges were astronomical (all Tradesmen are astronomical), so from that point on I promised myself to find and watch self-made YouTube videos and within reason have a go myself.

Now ok I’m an engineer by trade but still to this day I get a little nervous taking something apart myself and all I can advise is confidence is key. So here’s two observations, I’d say if you are both intelligent and practical then simple DIY isn’t rocket science, be methodical take your time, do your research and most importantly you’ll save money so why not have a go at fixing that wonky door?…..… Ok if the project involve electrics then DO NOT attempt it yourself EVER, get an electrician in who’ll do a safe and secure job, however I’d say most other ‘small’ projects are doable.

Hmm so now I am asking myself have I just explained in four paragraphs information you already know? After all that’s why people spend their Sundays wandering around DIY shops looking for paint wood nails and tools! Not to worry, the point to tonight’s post is ‘How To change a Washing Machine Door Seal’, this is the introduction the instructional post and accompanying video for my little YouTube Channel will follow sooon. 

Looking at the picture below my reason for fitting a new seal is simple for all to see, mildew mould! As you know if you allow cold water to settle on a surface give it time and mildew grows, whether that be window seals or bathroom tile grouting, mould is unhealthy unsightly and impossible to remove and my washing machine is a case in point. Just recently several black marks have appeared on freshly washed clothes and I have an idea where they came from!

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My Washing Machine Door Seal after removing photographed 15/12/2018

A ‘How To’ post follows sooon………….. 

©A. Shepherdson 2018