I guess she’s flirty with me 😀 for the simple reason I pose no threat plus I’m a nice friendly guy 🙂 .
Invariably on workday early mornings I’ll bump into a lady dog walker soon after leaving my home, I’m making for a bus stop with the intention of going to work, the lady is returning home after having taken her dog for a walk in the local Park and as neighbours do, we have a short chat because I’m a personable friendly sort of guy, oh and she’s married and age 45+.
If you are happily married, or happily co-habiting, you may find this post morally challenging though hopefully not, as always it’s just Andrew thinking out aloud 🙂 .
(Part2 follows, I have a lady neighbour who owns a dog!)
During those idle moments when one’s mind tends to wander there’s a question I often ask myself, would I sleep with a unhappily happily married woman?
The movie ‘When Harry Met Sally’ is a real favourite of mine and not because of Meg Ryan’s awesomely faked orgasm, a performance that’s more than a little disturbing to us men! No I’m fascinated by the premise at the story’s heart, the question Billy actually asks Meg namely can two people be ‘just good friends’ without the relationship becoming sexual OR heading that way until intelligence and good sense makes people stop and think! Can you be friends with that ‘special’ person at work without becoming romantically involved?
You’ll be relieved to read I am done with writing about my sex life, I don’t really have any further tales to share, and I guess readers are either bored with my WordPress or couldn’t give a monkeys about my love life, why would they? (Btw that’s not the reason for writing them).
Either way there’ll be no more stories of boobs and wet kitties.
You promised NO more posts Andrew!
Oh yes firepits!
Do you recall the saga that was converting my old washing machine drum into a firepit? That particular ‘How to post’ is here on my blog, anyways tonight I filmed the first fire burn and uploaded a 2 minute video onto YouTube. 😁
Ok not quite ON FIRE!! More trying the homemade firepit ignited.
Yes I filled my converted washing machine drum with pieces of wood and newspaper, waited until our Sun disappeared into a gloomy dusk because I am a responsible nextdoor neighbour, after all who wants their evening spoilt with smoke drifting across the resident’s gardens?
Alas as you can hear by the audio, I am unable to 🙄 narrate whilst holding a camera hence I tend to sound very strange, and as you all know men are incapable of multitasking? Incidentally I’m whispering so as my neighbours don’t think I’ve finally lost the plot!!
I haven’t a writing Topic planned for this week, there’s family issues with my father having been admitted to hospital, however I will be exploring a theme inspired by watching one of those ‘Grammarly’ videos which precede EVERY YouTube video I seem to watch!! I’m wondering whether clever Google are aware I have a WordPress? Hmm plausible and are they tailoring my ad-stream towards writing sites? …………… Makes me wonder!
So the question I’m pondering this evening is if writer’s of Fiction use one of these gramma correction apps/websites? I don’t, never have and never will apart from spellcheck!
Now what I’m about to admit to you isn’t false modesty, I often ask myself ‘do I have a have creative writing ability?’ Because I’m aware I break many golden rules……… trouble is I wasn’t aware of them in the first place?
“To my great dismay, the English Language has no enforceable laws, much less someone to enforce the laws it doesn’t have.”
(‘An Utterly Correct Guide to Clarity and Style’ by Benjamin Dreyer.)
I very much doubt Benjamin Dreyer would object to me quoting him without permission, seeing as I’ve taken the time to read excerpts from his highly readable thought provoking book! However here’s a thing, Benjamin also went onto share what he suggests is a golden rule, yet in my untrained opinion this passage is a terrible read:
‘Certain prose rules are essentially inarguable—that a sentence’s subject and its verb should agree in number, for instance. Or that in a “not only x but y” construction, the x and the y must be parallel elements.’
Speaking as someone who, right here and now, couldn’t accurately explain what a verb is I’m coming around to the realisation I almost certainly break golden rules, and again according to Benjamin (my third and final reference) he suggests the four C’s, Convention. Consensus. Clarity. Comprehension help us use words to their optimum purpose, thus enabling us to communicate exactly what we are trying to say to our reader!
Incidentally what works for me is I download the conversation going on inside my brain at the time onto a laptop.
I think it’s at this point I forget completely Mr. Benjamin Dreyer and his English Language rules………….. I’ll only confuse myself.
Have you ever watched a chat show host interview a great stand up comedian and ask him or her,
“Have you ever stopped to ask yourself why your jokes make people laugh?”
A bloody stupid question I’ve heard asked many times, and it’ll come as no surprise the answer is always “NO”. And what a dumb question because stand up comedy, holding an audience in the palm of your hand, is an artform as comparable to any great wordsmith.
As an aside the nicest compliment anyone has paid to me is, ‘you made me laugh’………….. on WordPress that is not in bed!!
Analyse and distil the essence of what makes he or she funny and the comic will probably lose the gift of humour. Similarly should a writer be tooo over introspective trying to workout the reasons why people enjoy reading their prose? You know distil out the secret, formulate a potion so making them the next JK Rowling? Sell millions of books, become a millionaire, leave Brexit fiasco Britain and go live with D. Trump.
Now to the thorny question of my own creative writing ability, err my erotica sexy stories, let’s just say I enjoy writing them and let’s not ask tooo many questions shall we, 😀 incidentally I have 3 more tales in draft. 🙂
Finally a question for you please, if you are a writer of novels, or have novels electronically accessible on Kindle, do you apply specific grammatical rules throughout you story? How an earth does a writer manage to blend phrasing rules seamlessly into text without spoiling/confusing a plot?
A reflective post this evening discussing the differences between the childhood era I grew up in as compared to youth culture of today……….. we’re talking computer games! Oh and keep in mind I AM a cheerful ‘live your life as you wish’ kind of guy, remember this whilst you’re reading. TY 🙂
Note I’m not having a go at young people, I do understand computer games are more than just play to today’s children unlike in my youth when I was outside riding my bike or constructing go carts from old timber AND (stolen) pram wheels………… but I get it! Gaming’s socialising, it’s what kids do in 2018.
I get that gaming is an important part of youth culture, a time for children to bond with their friends whilst playing on XBOX’s but they do seem an awful time waster. AND I’m not alone, I chat to a Grandfather colleague at work and he has one hell of a difficult time getting his 10 year old grandson to put down these addictive consoles that will keep him engrossed and quiet for hours if allowed to. His Grandad wins after much good natured persuading and then they’ll bond going fishing on their bikes, and I use the word addictive as a description because yes computer games are designed by games inventers to be as addictive as any drug.
Am I wrong of course not, these clever games inventers understand exactly how a child’s brain is wired, visual graphics, high octane action plenty of age appropriate gun violence and of course achievable goals, if you concentrate and learn then you’ll reach another level to…………… err who knows where? Win and you get……………… nothing? But yes I concede the point to gaming is enjoying the moment with friends……. I get it.
Do you recall my opening line, I’m not having a go at the youth of today? Well you’ll be pleased to know I’m not, I’m speaking of course as an out of touch older generation, “Gaming is brilliant fun” some little people say to me and I understand I’m out of touch, but then I think back to my youth and I hear my mother’s exasperated voice saying,
“Will you turn that TV off………….. please”, “go outside and ride your bike…………… please!”
And yes thinking back my sibling and I would watch trash TV at any given opportunity because ‘tech with graphics’ is addictive to a child’s brain, the only problem is I would be watching mind numbing cartoon series to badly acted Aussie soaps all afternoon! Crap TV which leaves the viewer in some ridiculous cliff hanger so I have to watch the next episode to see what happens next!
And nothing ever did apart from I’d wasted my life!
I was of course addicted to this blessed rubbish, jeeze when I think back to the hours of my youth I’ve wasted watching American sitcoms Coronation Street and EastEnders! But I’ll share a secret, I’m a changed man I haven’t sat through an episode of BBC’s EastEnders in the last 25 years, and if I do ever catch an episode’s trailer I’ll just shake my head at all the disgusting arguing shouting and fighting.
Would you believe I used to rush home from Scouts to watch this crap?
So yes I should cut the youth of today some slack, time to time I observe two little people playing games with friends in the living room and yes they are socialising, forming strategic friendships to kill an enemy, they’re arguing, there’ll be tears and laughter but the children are happy and having fun so reluctantly I have to admit gaming’s okay in moderation………… just not for me. I was exactly the same at their age although addicted to a whole different outlet of electronic media………….. so reluctantly YES I’ll admit computer gaming is a good thing in moderation.
Only when you’re older and ‘wiser’ do you realise how precious those childhood years actually were, there’ll come a time when teenage boys and girls will switch off their consoles, put the handsets in a draw and go out dancing with their friends. Then again if you meet two girls like the couple above, well all I can say is I wish computer games were around when I was a young man!…………. she’s even playing wearing a pink bikini for heavens sake ❤ !
See I told you I wasn’t ‘having a go!’ Incidentally a very British phrase, writing’s a great way to work through your prejudices.
Now I have an admission to make (lol said that before!) I began writing this post 14/03/2018 and it’s resided in Draft form ever since, perhaps the reason I didn’t get around to posting is Princess Anya isn’t so much a blog, but more a writing exercise that you could say is themed ‘my take on chatrooms’ .
So what’s to do with this tenuously adult themed tale? Do I publish it? or do I bin it? hmm after much thought I’ve decided to publish and in all honesty I enjoyed reading this tale once again. 🙂
Don’t you think Anya (cartoon replaced photo) could be mistaken for the girl next door? Demure classy intellectual, a college student perhaps? But how wrong you are! Oh so wrong!
As often happens with my WordPress I’ll tack (nautically) from one questionable opinion to the next because they’re enjoyable to write 🙂 , so be aware I’m going to explain why once in a while I’ll watch a certain lady perform in her chatroom! Btw she’s age20 and it’s all legal proper and above board. 🙂
Tell you what! Call this post an antidote to my ‘Crime and Punishment’ tale, and a lot more fun. 🙂
I’ll be totally honest with you and say I dislike watching pornography, (that may surprise one or two regular readers lol) but take note I’m not admitting a dislike of watching porn to gain favour with you lovely readers, and I have no real objection against mentally well balanced adults accessing legal consensually performed pornography, only that watching two naked porn actors going at it like rabbits bores me to frigging tears………….. I prefer doing ‘it’ with consenting 18+ live human beings, most of you will be in relationships and isn’t intimacy connection and a meeting of souls? Far more fun!
Btw this post ISN’T discussing the pros and cons arguments for and against legal pornography, only that watching sex bores me frigging rigid, and yes I’ve changed my moral position to thinking Governments should do all they possibly can to stop children having access to imagery they just don’t understand. (Phew that’s a mouthful)……………….. I don’t have children but I have several relatives who ‘have their own little people!’
So yes I’ll admit to watching the odd adult movie in my lifetime!
A short tale for you! When aged 18 myself and a group of 30 apprentices visited Oxford’s Odeon Cinema in George Street, a very very late viewing mind, to watch a soft porn adaptation of Cinderella, I’ll say NO more except imagine a scantily clothed nubile pretty virginal Snow White, then think seven horny dwarfs, use your imaginations and yes you’ve guessed correct!
Was our ‘soft’ movie worth watching? Yes and no, yes because going out of an evening with fabulous young men were some of the happiest days of my life, the comradery you experience with like minded friends you just cannot put a price on. And no, because the pornography was far from sexy, in fact the ‘plot’ was ridiculous to the point of being hilarious and how she managed position 69 without putting her back out I’ll never know.
Enough of unorthodox fairy tales.
So who is Princess Anya (the lady in the picture)? She is in fact a very VERY successful adult chatroom actress, I’d describe her a classy sensual very much ‘girl next door’ young woman oh and of Indian descent. AND if you’re at all curious I don’t hold the view male paying viewers to her shows are sad old perverts, no! They’re probably decent single guys (mostly), loners or society’s lonely where the internet could be their social life.
Where do I fit into this alternative cyber world of sexual fantasies? Once in a while I’ll pull down the favourites drop down tab on my laptop, where I’ve bookmarked a legal and regulated non spammy secure and safe well known adult website. I’ll fill you in with a little detail, just enough because WordPress may be reading, imagine pages of hundreds of scantily clad young women sitting in a room in their home, any room, in front of a webcam and ‘stripping naked’. Yes you’re there!
Lol I’m one of life’s observers, yes the young women are gorgeous, btw I don’t visit that often note! The girls 18+ are stunning and yes remember masturbation is medically good for one’s mental wellbeing, all good clean fun, but it’s the chat logs on the right hand side that can be addictive viewing full of amusing and intelligent banter and passes ten minutes or so…….. and 😉 what guy doesn’t like watching gorgeous young women undressing, well at least I’m honest!
However I never pay because I’m tight with money.
The male viewers have usernames (note I’m not a member), it’s a chatroom and you know how chatrooms work, they anonymously write a comment, sometimes very funny because they are articulate intelligent men, she’ll laugh reply be playful and a friendship of sorts is struck up. Yes Anya is stringing them along a little, she’s being cheery funny sensual to gain favour and get paid tokens but their conversation surprisingly isn’t disgusting it’s actually entertaining viewing.
Btw virtual tokens are purchased with real money, ‘punished plastic’ if you get my meaning!
Time to time moderators enter the chatroom to check on the appropriateness of behaviour, if some hate writing bully chimes with obscenities the lady blocks him, and by the time Anya has 10,000 men close to uhmm a state of nearing sexual excitement (going by the frenzied chat log), Anya switches Private allowing those who’ve paid $5 in tokens to watch her private performance.
The screen the goes blank, and the room is Private!
And because I’m tight fisted miser I don’t pay to watch, then for the next 15 minutes Anya puts on a masturbation show, is she wrong and disgusting? You decide. And how do I know what goes on in her show? We’ll for one I’m an intelligent guy with an awesomeimagination and two because the viewers continue to write a chat log on the right hand side! And interesting entertaining reading it is to with the guys writing whilst watching Anya’s private performance, and remember these guys are wordsmiths of a sort, articulate and witty, they carry on writing a running commentary of Anya’s bedroom antics positions and use of toys AND the are respectful…………….. Jeeze lol use your imaginations please!! And for those of who you who are a little prim and proper look away now, as Anya performs I’d guess hundreds of men are sat in front of their computer screens watching and w##king.
So what do I make of all these sexy shenanigans? I have absolutely no problem with adult performers and their chatrooms apart from one overriding essentially important caveat, legal moderated chatrooms are fine as long as they cannot be accessed by children.
Goes without saying I’m a moral mentally well balanced good hearted human being soviewing would be fine, and if you could 100% guarantee ALL children cannot access regulated chatrooms on the internet, then I honestly have no problem but again banning pornography is your own moral choice to make. However back in the real world we know children unfortunately do watch, and I guess me saying chatrooms are ok is a pact with the devil if EVER there was one.
I have a relative with little people of his/her own, work it out lol, he/she has parental locks set on all their children’s media devices, flagged up sexual words will filter out inappropriate websites, setting preferences will stop their children seeing unwanted sexual images, they have their own phones but the deal/pact with Mum and Dad is at any time of the adult’s choosing they can take an iPad or phone off the little person and examine their browsing history.
The family pact also states, if preferences and locks have been tampered with, adult web addresses attempted then the device is confiscated and ‘the little people’ are fine with this pact, they also learn that life has rules and consequences and they haven’t reneged on the deal although email has been disabled for non sexual related incidents. The ‘little people’ are learning to be responsible! I’ll finish by saying the parental pact works because the adults in question are intelligent, clever, caring and responsible alas not every parent is either tech savvy or actually cares.
As for beautiful Princess Anya, she is one talented lady oh yes she is a VERY clever young woman (possibly the most shapely firm perky tits I’ve ever seen!) And her bedroom antics are pretty amazing (apparently remember I don’t pay to watch) but more importantly Anya is a bubbly witty playful personable intelligent young woman, she’s a friend to lonely men and her finely crafted skilfully honed feminine charms will seldom be bettered.
I watch her interacting with viewers, observe, listen and read her chat log and I’m convinced she’s a woman who could hold any audience in the palm of her hand, her skillset is exactly the same as any TV evangelist preacher except Anya’s not extorting money from penniless congregations who can ill afford it (she’s not lying to them either). I’d say she is a more honest human being, men pay for her adult service and she gives them what they want, I’d suggest Anya’s a morally genuine person more so than any Politician working in British politics, actually I’m convinced. Hmm perhaps one day she venture into politics, she could, it happens.
So she takes her clothes off for money, who cares? Are her talents wasted? Yes, but she appears to be having fun and making money and I’m ok with anyone living the life they wish as long as it hurts no one.
Now I move onto Patti, she’s a whole different woman all together, age 40 and quite probably a mother herself and again she strips for money! Several years ago I watched a TV program investigating the murky world of strip bars, and interestingly many of the young women were single mothers……………….. judge people at your peril.
Patti is fabulous, I like Patti, she’s your mate’s Auntie or your mum’s best friend lol the dictionary definition of MILF, and to look at her sitting in her kitchen you wouldn’t have guessed she was a sex worker of sorts, unless I’d told you! However the absence of a bra, unfettered large boobs underneath a tight fitting tee shirt kinda gives her job away. Once again when she’s been payed enough well earnt tokens, off come the clothes and Patti ‘performs’ in front of her kitchen sink! And no NO I’m not linking the website.
So now to the question you are ALL hopefully asking, how much money does Anya make performing a 2 hour show? Remember 1hr 45 minutes is chatting and interacting with male viewers, getting them excited, clean chat with no demands bullying or hate, then she’ll set Private, hundreds of $5 tokens will pile in and doing the quick Math I think she made $700 for a 15 minute strip show.
Just imagine $350/hr………….. several times a day! (Most girls won’t earn this)
I should finish by saying I make no personal judgements, Anya is a wealthy young woman, empowered, self employed, she hurts no one so good for her and knowing the direction society is morally taking us, I have a feeling any future mainstream employers won’t care less anyway. Further still I’d guess many of the other performers will be single mothers, and all will be earning money to feed themselves, pay the bills so why not dance naked at least they’re not degrading themselves in porn flicks!
One day I’ll have to pay and watch Anya perform naked with toys, captured by various camera angles with her legs akimbo, trouble is that means spending $5 and I’m as tight as #ssholes. 😀 then again she is beautiful.
One final thought, the question crosses my mind would I want a daughter to perform in chatrooms and the answer has to be no, but if a friend or sister wanted to strip naked on the internet for money (consensually and over age18) then I’d be cool, her life her body I make no moral judgements!
(Original to March 2018, btw I have @ ten more posts in draft…………… I’m feeling a little glum this evening, these wordy essays aren’t what you’d define as blogging)
I’ll theme today’s post a few thoughts on being safe on the internet because I’ve facts I wish to share. Now I wholeheartedly agree we have to be super careful on the internet, we all know that!
I’d guess we all adhere to the basic rules for internet safety like no names, no addresses, no telephone numbers, no email addresses, no workplace names, no City/Town street addresses, no photographs in fact don’t give any personal information away whatsoever.
As an aside, I read something the other day to the fact an online criminal only needs three pieces of information, three keys to unlock a carefully guarded secure safe and discover every fact about you if they have the evil skills to no how to track you down.
Yes apparently all that’s required are three facts and Jesus if true this is absolutely scary as f###, I’ll enlighten you because you may be curious, but apparently all that’s required are,
1. Your second name. 2. The City or Town you work in. 3. The name of your employer.
And what if someone you know in real life unscrupulously gives away those three sacred pieces of information?
Frigging scary isn’t it! We’re so careful with the information we tell of ourselves, but it turns out from collecting just these three pieces of information, cyber-criminals could potentially unravel your entire life, and the more I look the more I agree 123 is all that’s required.
We were sold a dream the internet is this wonderful tool for pleasure and work, turns out the internet is 90% pornography driven, then there’s the money laundering, dark web, credit card fraud, terror beheading videos on YouTube, FB and fake news and any number of signed for websites giving your personal data away to all and sundry!
I’m openly honest here on my WordPress, tooo honest sometimes, well I’m hoping you’ll have read my story ‘I bit my Pillow!’ and if you did you’ll remember I said I would let you know which parts are true as happened and which parts are fiction!
‘I bit my Pillow!’, I 😀 agree a bl**dy awful title.
When I said we had gay sex and kissed well that was 100% fiction sorry to disappoint, but as I said yesterday parts are true. So just to be clear the sex is drawn from my imagination………… lol I cannot make you believe me but jeeze I hope you do.
So now you’ve read the tale this is how the episode came about btw in the spirit of fairness and honesty this is an old tale I enjoyed re writing.
Many years ago whilst holidaying by myself in central France, late one summer’s evening I found myself sitting alone inside Le Man’s Railway Station waiting room. The tale of how I came to be there is a rather long and tortuous one just understand I’m feeling desperate, my spoken French is embarrassingly appalling, the Station is emptying about to close for the night and I had absolutely nowhere to sleep that night, my only certainty within minutes the Entrance gates would be locked shut and I was soon to experience how sleeping rough on the Street actually feels…………. a truly spine chilling thought and terribly sad for the people who have no choice!
Then with only minutes to spare a middle aged guy appears as if from nowhere, sits down beside me and strikes up a conversation with this weary disorientated very depressed traveller. I was far from feeling sorry for myself, couldn’t understand him and my tired mind was in the grip of fear and loneliness, he invited me to spend the night in his home and I said yes!
I ask what an earth would you do faced with a night living on the Streets? The possibility of being mugged raped beaten up murdered a possibility, or the comfortable certainty of being driven by a rather polite personable guy to his home? Better still an unknown home where he’d provide you with a warm bed to sleep the night in. What’s more he promised on his life he’d drop me back at Le Man’s Station early next morning!
Lol what a friendly treasure, who could say no?
What a predicament what a dilemma, even if I’d been at my strongest mentally the choice would have been challenging, THAT my mind was frazzled and unable to think straight made the decision easy. But if I’d been consciously aware and thinking straight I would have absolutely figured out he was a gay man with ulterior predatory motives, a guy cruising public places late at night looking for single men to take home and have sex with! If I’d been approached on a railway station platform in Britain I would have politely told the guy to,
“Get blank lost!” (I wouldn’t lol but you get my gist)
But this late French evening I thanked my kind Samaritan and let him drive me to his home, from first meeting him to being whisked across the City into his bedroom seemed a mere blur of five minutes, and to this day I cannot understand whether I was stupidly foolhardy or naïve, qualities that have plagued my adult life.
So remember the sex in my tale was fiction all I can admit is I must have been frigging tired because to this day I still don’t no why I went to bed with him?…… Honestly the strangest evening of my life, ask me what went on and well the light dial was turned to a warming dim glow…..…..……, I gazed up at a light flex hanging from the ceiling, then got up and slept on his sofa. (We make bad choices in life get carried away suck it up and move on.)
And I felt wretched for months after, despairingly upset is closer to the truth, I understand why people do dread a terrible dark memory seeping into their consciousness, they drain you of all energy and I did lapse into a deep depression, because well I’m straight! Our meeting confused because I consider myself groomed taken advantage of and tricked into bed, and in those months after I’d gaze at myself in the mirror with feelings of shame knowing I had to face the cold hard fact that I was a naïve guy who can be too trusting…………… but hey show me someone who hasn’t made unfortunate choices and I’ll show you a liar!!
So you get the feeling I hated myself? And note my tale is far from sensationalism, all good story’s are prompted by true events.
And what of today? Thinking back all these years later, that I went to bed naked with a naked guy ‘who fancied me’ is deliciously hilarious, the irony now is every time I think back to our night together I cannot help laughing, where’s the sin in admitting I can be tricked when I know I’m straight and omg what a surreal memory and btw I hope you’re thinking to yourselves ‘whatever!’ 😀
I know I know complete madness going home with a guy I’d never met before, even worse when I came out the shower and he’s standing there naked, jeeze he’d lied to me tricked me groomed me and yes I could have been raped or worse it happens………… I wasn’t. I should add I hope you’re not tooo disappointed to read my plump round ass wasn’t lol violated, anyways all said and done my gay French guy tale will go down as the strangest experience of my life……… I only wish I’d been approached by a kind hearted woman with darker motives!
A. Shepherdson 2018 (Just so as you know I had a blast writing these last 3 posts and 😀 I really hope some readers were left disappointed)
Click ‘here’ for ‘Beautiful Helen from across the road’ The Ending!!!
I’m standing close behind the living room window gazing at my neighbour Helen across the road, but don’t worry she cannot see me I’ve got net curtains that’s why, and take note I’m not a curtain twitcher or a peeping Tom looking at what others are up to in their spare time. No it’s just people pass by and used to look through the window into my living room, so UP went the net curtain!
But watching Helen busying herself pottering around her front garden is different, and I’m not being nosey mind, certainly not because this is me time, a time to gaze and appreciate my beautiful neighbour from across the Road.
Helen’s an elegant young looking fifty year old, with a slim and slender body now crouching on the lawn facing me, one knee pressed into the grass, a trowel in hand weeding around the bases of her delightful and loved rose trees.
Every so often she’ll lean forward her pretty face a picture of concentration as her arms tug at stubborn dandelions the most invasive of plants, and I watch and wait for these very moments because invariably at the same time as her vigorous gardening the looping neck line of Helen’s baggy yellow blouse opens to reveal pendulous firm boobs waving from side to side. Then if I really concentrate my gaze I can just about see her nipples, large dark disks of areola they are, chocolate brown in fact now vividly contrasted against her milk white skinned boobs.
Omg there must be a particularly hard weed to pull out because she has to stand up bend forward and tug with all her slender might, and joy of joys the neck of her oversize blouse drapes further and opens even wider to reveal both breasts now swinging untethered by a tight fitting bra. Oh thank you Sweet Jesus for summer gardening days such as these!
A questioning thought suddenly crossed my mind, jeeze I pondered, Helen doesn’t half spend a long time weeding that same patch directly opposite me! Glancing down at my wrist watch, and now very shocked to see my neighbour in the early autumn days of her life hadn’t moved from weeding that single pink flowering rose tree for, I stared at the dial and quite taken aback I realised for the last ten minutes……… I physically gulped in shock! A cold shiver went down my spine, omg I thought to myself, ‘Helen knows I’m watching, mycurtains aren’t blocking my voyeuristic playtime as well as I’d hoped and assumed.’
‘Holy f*ck!’ my brain momentarily in seizure, ‘jeeze what happens now’ I thought with beads of sweat forming on the skin of my brow, and all the time I rushed to let go of the shaft of my hardened penis, tugging at the elasticated hem of my boxer shorts, because yes I’d been masturbating whilst gazing at Helen’s pendulous swinging boobs with chocolate coloured nipples!
As you can imagine my mind’s in a state of excited panic, my heavy breathing isn’t only because I’d been caught watching, no minutes earlier I’d very nearly climaxed. creamy jizz soon to squirt into a white tissue held with the other hand, my excited hard shaft bucking and twitching about to shoot its load!
Yet more panic as I reached down to pull up my jeans and all this time Helen stood like an ashen faced manikin straight out of a teen horror movie, motionless, erect her face staring unnervingly straight at me through a net curtain more see through than I’d ever assumed!
‘What an earth happens now?’ I thought. ‘Does she run for her husband? Call the Police to arrest the peeping Tom from across the Road?’ A myriad of awful doom laden thoughts flashed past my mind as I finally zipped up my jean flies, my clothing now straight!
I felt my cheeks burning hot, cold droplets of perspiration trickling down my torso, my armpits now as warmed as all other erogenous parts of my body, then Helen did something so incredible, so close to unbelievable I nearly cannot write of the shock right here! Helen lifted her two arms, hands clasping the hem of her vivid yellow flouncy cotton blouse, only to pull the garment to first passing her waist, pause, then yet further still up and over her bosom so revealing two round breasts…………….. both approx a palmful therefore from experience I’d say a fulsome c cup.
So previously close to orgasm I nearly jizzed inside my boxer’s there and then!
Open mouthed my face a picture of bewildered incredulity, Helen smiled from across the road and for a second I don’t think I’ve felt such a mixture of relief and happiness mixed into one. But hold on her right hand no longer holding the garment’s waist hem, Helen raised her arm and with a curled up first finger my beautiful neighbour from across the road beckoned me closer.
Quick as a flash, I turned and near ran through my living room door……
To be continued and the link to part two you’ll find at the beginning!
Ray this Detective challenge of yours captured my imagination, my very first picture prompt actually and fascinating to me because three quarters in, without a care in the world I wrote myself into a literary dead end! If truth be told I very nearly deleted but persevered and came up with an ending which I think works but for the reader to decide. Hmm that possibly gives away my style, an idea, write, and see where a tale takes me?
I enjoyed writing Sally’s cheating husband lol in fact I got a little carried away, but it was fun and passed a few happy hours 🙂 , hope you enjoy and thank you. 🙂 ❤
Ray’s Rules: You are a private investigator. You have worked for Mrs Sally Canetti during the last 3 months – chasing her cheating husband. Write a short note to her (on the following photo).
Ray’s picture prompt
I am the Private Investigator
I have worked for Mrs Sally Canetti during the last 3 months chasing her cheating husband
Below is my short(ish) note, posted in an envelope to Sally Canetti with photo
The cheating artist in the photo = Mr Canetti
The artist’s nude model = Scarlet Dufrain
Dear Mrs Canetti,
I trust you’ve been keeping well since we last met, would you believe three months have passed, time flies, and I fear this will be reflected in my increased fee (attached receipt), the train tickets swallowed most of your retainer and London bed and breakfast consumed what little was left!
London I hear you say? Yes your husband visit’s London at the weekends and no doesn’t go fishing with his brother, then again you guessed correct the brother is a lying asshole, so beware the girly chats you have with his wife at the salon, a tissue of lies! Because now for certain I know he IS cheating as you suspected, hopefully my evidence will bring closure and off the record possibilities of great wealth……….. please remember that when you appraise my inflated fee.
Now you’ve recovered from reading the much inflated fee I’m afraid there’s good and bad news, your husband is mistrustful consequently takes great care with fidelities. For six weekends I followed Mr Canetti to London Paddington observing him from a carriage behind, and on each time pulling into the platform we’d alight then I’d lose sight as he hurriedly disappeared from view melting into the crowds. However all’s not lost, every Friday evening I’d follow his journey that little bit farther, that first Friday I lost him at the entrance to Paddington Underground………. very disappointing, all was not lost though, the following Friday I waited at said entrance and would follow him approximately 5 minutes more. Your husband is a clever man Sally, first I lost him after he alighted at Belize Park Station, the bastard waited till seconds before the door shut, jumped out passing him as he walked up the platform as I sped into the tunnel, you’ll guess I lost him.
Well not to worry, I surmised correctly our errant husband follows the same route and to the exact same timetable of trains, so having a hunch I took an earlier train than he to London, travelled the Underground to Belsize, sat in the waiting room with a coffee (note all costs are receipted) as the very same train motioned to pull out the station your husband jumped out and briskly strode through the exit with me in tow. I might add sporting a very self satisfied smug grin but it takes a clever man to hoodwink old ‘Sniffer Dobbins!’ Keeping your husband in view, sniffer by name sniffer nature, I followed close behind and on exiting the Station we took the short walk to Belsize Park (yes it really is a Park) and would you believe it I got lucky at last, because sited alongside the Park sat a row of black taxis, then quick as a flash your husband near leaped from pavement into a cab, so with great haste I might add, I jumped into the cab behind has he sped of into the distance me shouting to the driver,
“My man FOLLOW THAT BLACK CAB!”
And Sally what a splendid driver Abdallah was, with a great haste, as safely he could muster, my Pakistani friend followed your husband across busy London, driving up side streets, swerving around pedestrians, a quick left turn, down a one way street THE wrong way perhaps with a fast corner right, which got me thinking your stickler for timing husband and careful subversive behaviour takes the very same taxi every weekend.
I was proved correct!
We followed, or I should say Abdallah drove as fast he dare trying to keep up, I fed him a lie I was Military Intelligence (MI5) following a suspected carrier of Novochek nerve agent heading for Salisbury, a trick of our Trade is gaining friends, it excites people such as Abdallah to get involved.
Your husband’s car slowed down on driving through a quiet street off Piccadilly Circus, Abdalla followed slowly from behind and we two observed the taxi door open, your husband step out and pay his fare, nervously glance up and down said Street, climb several steps and enters a terraced flat. Though be aware Sally! Mr Canetti didn’t knock and wait for someone to open and let him in, no he took keys from HIS coat pocket, glanced up the Street again and disappeared inside.
Receipts for Taxi fares you’ll find in the envelope!
Here at ‘Findum & Catchum’ Private Investigators, our primary work is following wayward spouses, and experience tells old ‘sniffer’ Dobbins letting yourself into a flat only means one thing, and as I suspected your husband owns said Flat because later that afternoon I paid a special visit to Council records, and yes I guessed correct it’s there in black and white, your husband is sitting tenant for his Flat if by a different name, rather clever actually…… Mrs Canetti on full payment of our Bill I will provide you his address and photographs, yes I’d guess the photo of your husband painting a naked model hanging from a wall has been troubling your mind?
Three months passed while tracking your husband’s secretive clandestine fun and games, but there’s more, with every London Visit to his Flat off Piccadilly Circus, ten minutes to the second after your husband entered his flat, a pretty young lady with flowing long blonde hair would knock the door and Mr Canetti would let her in!
Scarlet Dufrain is her name!
So Sally here my tale arrives at weekend last. Friday I’d taken the precaution to rent a room directly to the rear of his flat, a ‘sniffer’ Dobbins hunch, and yes luck was with me, looking through my trusty camera’s Telephoto lens I would gaze into Mr Canetti ‘s living room with skylight, and another lucky break, your husband and Miss Scarlett Dufrain entered. Yes a Miss Scarlet, do you know her Sally? Well I didn’t and on further enquiries she works for a High Class Escort Agency and is not an artist model, Scarlet by name Scarlet by nature!
So what did they do together, I’d guess that’s troubling you now, well Friday evening he painted Scarlet in various naked poses, still life’s I think they’re known as! No she’s not a model Sally, I regret to inform you Miss Dufrain is an escort, a hooker, a rather pricey seller of sex!
I’d guess he pays her hourly fee with the money he receives from renting his flat out Sunday to Thursday……………. answer’s your question how did he pay for that new Mercedes, so you’ll be comforted to know he’s not returned to armed robbery and holding up Post Offices again! Be happy in yourself after all divorce settlements are made no creditors will appear from the woodwork, my suggested solicitors ‘Simon & Tedesco’ should see you right.
So back I come to 4pm Friday afternoon, there I was peering into Mr Canetti’s living room, the afternoon my enclosed evidence was taken and on payment you will receive photos ALL……… AND now’s the time I have to share the gory details of what your cheating husband got up to each weekend.
Very strange goings on Sally the like I’ve never seen in all my hours of hunting cheating spouses, Miss Scarlet walked into the room first, disrobed to naked, then my third ‘stroke’ of luck for you, she didn’t close the curtains! Scarlet wandered around the living room nude, perhaps looked in a mirror, admired her trim figure, plumped her golden locks then near jumped out of her skin when Mr Canetti walked in dressed as, brace yourself!..………… Dressed as Pablo Picasso so he was, all to paint his ‘Pretty Woman’s’ image in oils, the photos will look great in Court!
But there was a twist Friday last, Scarlet moved her posing chair to below the skylight, Mr Canetti bound rope around her arms, attaching her to the wall though note with her intimacy hidden, then returning to his easel, with his back to me, I watched him paint Miss Scarlet’s image………. the image of her at the Bow of a ship!
After he’d finished painting Miss Dufrain she was unattached from the wall, and there’s more, the expansive brush stokes whipped him into a frenzy so they did, the final act from this artistic drama being he’d rip off every stitch of his clothing, near throw Miss Scarlet to the floor and there they’d lay on top a threadbare deep green carpet making mad passionate love!
I have ALL the photos taken across five afternoon and they’ll be provided when said Bill is settled in full, and I’d like to think you’d pay ‘Findum & Catchum’ Investigator’s a nice healthy bonus, with my diligent private investigation I’ve recorded many explicit images, enough evidence for ‘Simon & Tedesco’ to take him for every penny he has………. there’s even a London Flat for you Sally, and speaking as your friend, I trust you’ve found my rather long winded tale interesting reading, yes rather long but very thorough.
THAT’S the good news of which I speak now for the BAD.
I have the gravest of news for you Mrs Canetti, awful information that I’ve never had to share with a patron before! Usually an errant spouse will take the greatest of care with protection, but alas each time I watched your husband make love to naked Scarlet on that dark Green carpet, Sally I can hardly bring myself to share with you but I must! The gravest of News is…….. Mr Canetti never once wore condoms! No I’m afraid not a single time and oh boy I saw a great deal of lovemaking.
Where was I? Condoms! No I fear your husband did not use any. Intimate relations between husband and wife are not the business of ‘Findum & Catchum’ Investigators but as your friend of many many years I don’t really need to spell out do I Miss Scarlet Dufrain is an escort, a hooker an expensive prostitute, she engages in unprotected sex with many a client…………… well Sally I need write no further………….. except go get yourself tested!
Thoughts and opinions are all my own, and if you disagree with me then that’s absolutely fabulous ❤
‘I’m not on Facebook!’ I fear I’m in a minority here with that statement because lol I’ve haven’t heard of anyone who isn’t on FB?
A brief tale for you and I’ll keep this short because I do get side tracked! Last Wednesday whilst chatting to a 21year old colleague at work (btw NO one is aware I have a WordPress….not that I know of!) This pleasant young guy and myself somehow got on to the subject of Facebook, probably Mark Zuckerberg sharing our personal data with every corporation and business under the sun started the conversation, well without prompting by myself Alex said something that quite made him chuckle, 😀
“Last night I deleted my Facebook and NO ONE noticed!” I should say at this juncture he’s NOT by nature an attention seeker? No Alex is the most laid back chilled person you could ever hope to meet, you only need to know quitting wasn’t a spur of the moment rash decision, no he’d given closing his FB a great deal of thought.
Baring in mind social media is valued by the young perhaps more than older generations appreciate, ‘Alex’ didn’t appear worried regretful or deflated by his considered decision, I sensed he was quite relieved after having planned his social Platform exit, and he was rather pleased none of his friends noticed he’d disappeared because that proved lol no one actually cared! On the other hand if for example 100 of his FB buddies had ‘WhatsApp’ messaged him saying,
OMFG (or similar excitable acronym) u jus quit FB, why???????? 😮 😮 😮 !!!!!!!!!!!!!’ 😮
Or if his many friends, for Alex is a popular guy, had called his mobile number worriedly enquiring,
“OMG Alex babe what’s happened? Why have you deleted your Facebook? Are you ok?”
He’d have been gutted, but no not a single person noticed………….. which made him chuckle. 😀
Well as we chatted together that early weekday morning, before getting down to the work we were supposed to be doing, Alex went on to briefly explain the reasons why he’d finished with FB. I’ll refrain from quoting extracts from our private conversation, but interestingly quitting was unconnected to Zuckerberg’s evasive answers to American Politicians in Congress………. as with all youngster’s data sharing didn’t worry him.
Frigging worries me!
Turns out my colleague’s sole reason for quitting is as simple as time management, he’d kept a daily log of the hours spent on FB that week, you know keeping up with the many fabulous and interesting things his friends had gotten up to and even more worryingly the time he spent ‘pimpng’ up his own Profile’ (his words not mine) and as you may have guessed, Alex did the Math and the final total quite shocked him.
A lot of hours!!!
So my work colleague, after a lot of careful consideration and he didn’t take the decision lightly, Alex bit the ‘proverbial’ bullet and quit. Whether he regrets this over the weeks to come and succumbs to opening a new Account? Only time will tell but that’s missing the point.
And my point is? I think FB is fabulous and a great way of connecting with people also keeping up with what friends are doing in their lives, and I’m in NO way criticising Facebook or social media in general. My take on his momentous decision is I guess there comes a time in any young adult’s life, perhaps beginning work, cooking for oneself, when they realise social media has taken over their lives, consuming precious time that should be used dating real human beings or just enjoying the fruits and benefits of one’s newly paid labour……………. and lol that dreaded chain around every adult’s neck called responsibilities!
And if you are at all curious I’m neither on FB or ever intend to be, note I have nothing against this social Platform and make no judgement on the people who do use it because I know I am in a minority. But FB isn’t for me I’ll go further by saying I’m not entirely convinced any middle aged guy should own a Facebook, it just doesn’t sit right with me, my opinion is social media platforms should be the preserve of teenagers also lonely disconnected mums/moms who’s sole wish is to keep in touch with their friends………………I have female relatives who are on Facebook!
(My lol jumped up opinions only, feel free to disagree with these early evening thoughts and musings 🙂 )
Having said all that Facebook is the effective way to share WordPress posts, it makes sense to share your thoughts with circles of close friends on Twitter etc because blogging can be a lonely place, I understand this but I write because it’s good for my mental health, and no I’m afraid I won’t be appearing on a Facebook near you anytime sooon. 🙂
Perhaps if you reside in a Country outside the United Kingdom you may not have come across the phrase ‘The Beast From The East’. Don’t worry it’s not a name attributed to the evil Russian who’s been leaving deadly nerve agent inside restaurants and smeared on park benches around Salisbury, no the ‘Beast…..‘ is a phrase attributed to a very British weather system, or more specifically a sudden blanket of snow falling across parts of the UK.
Weathermen do like to conjure up imaginative descriptions, Great Britain finds itself at the heart of five different weathers systems the worst being a cold front which blows down from Siberia, possibly catching a little Arctic blast on the way! Well temperatures plummet, snow falls and my Townscape resembles photos which wouldn’t look out of place on as next years Christmas card………. all good fun unless you use public transport to get to work.
Bah Humbug! (I must be getting old)
We’ve experienced three overnight ‘snow bombs’ this winter and were due to have a fourth this Easter, however the short boring story is the wind changed direction, a warmer front blew in from France bringing four days of persistent rain.
All of these photos below were taken by myself one Sunday morning in early March, follow the journey from my little house, all the distance across Town to my Mother’s for a Sunday roast beef dinner…………. I guess you could call the occasion a little treat in return for doing a few jobs around the house.
Follow the journey and bare in mind the house above may or may not be mine.
Below right is the side wall of an old Manor House and Farm used as a set and backdrop in the period TV Drama Downton Abbey… you may have heard of it!
I won’t say where abouts the 12th Century Norman Church below is located, just be aware we’re talking rural South East England.
Perhaps I’m becoming a little weary and jaded and yes I’ll admit to being rather cynical as the years roll by (I’ll have to keep an eye on this), I didn’t really mind this winter’s snow, in fact it’s quite astonishing how overnight the Town you wake up to is totally transformed and looks nothing like the evening before.