Visiting my Mother (‘schsss’ I’m breaking the Law)

By rights I should be banged-up in Prison by now! My crime visiting my Mum’s house yesterday and contravening ‘The Emergency Corona Act 2020’, no seriously if you apply the letter of the law I’m now officially classified an Offender……. Holy blank just image the asshole horrors I could be subjected to sharing a prison cell with another guy, I’ve seen the movie Shawshank Redemption.

Okay, yes I’m joking for effect (err I think I am) however under new emergency legislation I’m only permitted to leave my home for a visit to the local supermarket, a short period of exercise (no one has a clue what this means), deliver food or medicine to a dependent, however the regulations stopping us from visiting friends or relatives is causing a great deal of confusion, and what constitutes ‘short exercise’ anyway? Taking a cycle ride into the countryside is exercise. To their credit many Police Forces are applying these new Laws with common sense also restraint, however many other Police Forces are dishing out Fines like they’re going out of fashion!

Btw I’m not criticizing our wonderful first responders they’re most likely as confused as the rest of us.

Now I’m old enough and wise enough to understand rushed through legislation, flabby Law’ is also open to misinterpretation and could well end in tears, after all we’ve been here before, remember The Dangerous Dog Act? That well meaning knee jerk reaction to those horrific canine attacks in the mid 90’s, sadly this swiftly drafted well meaning’ legislation was a disaster, I’m sorry but stories of veterinarians euthanising people’s beloved pets just because a dog growled were indefensible.

Time will tell if being fined £600+costs+a victim surcharge by overzealous stormtroopers sorry Policemen/women, all for the crime of standing waiting on a rail station platform without a good reason is justice well served, ‘Rushed Law is Bad Law’ isn’t that how the saying goes?

Ok this Law is only weeks old, hopefully guidelines will be clarified and published soon, if not perfectly law abiding citizens may well refuse to pay fines, contest unjust cases in Courts of Law and chaos will ensue, BUT yes I understand we are living through the worst public health pandemic for 100 years………… I get it! 😦

Anyways, not to worry my mother enjoyed a half hours natter and friendly company, we observed social distancing, I washed my hands, sat in her conservatory for the entire visit and she disinfected the chair after I’d gone home…………

And finally photos taken by me sitting in mum’s conservatory,

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I visited my Mother yesterday. I contravened new legislation. I BROKE THE LAW!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Yay I now have toilet roll!

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Yes I now have toilet roll, and WHAT’S more I’ve managed to buy a multipack of NINE soft tissue rolls!!! How lucky am I? And jeeze isn’t it a sad state of affairs when the sight of shelves stacked with loo rolls makes you happy, I was that excited I nearly wet myself. 

Well not quite, but truthfully I couldn’t stop myself smiling all the way to the cashier’s conveyer belt, a pretty young lady (I always choose them) positioned behind her newly erected protective glass, not to be laughed at because I personally know of 6 COVID-19 deaths in my Town…….. AND they’re all over age75, hmm that statistic betrays a sad truth!

ToiletRollgate! As you can imagine many theories exist on the internet as to why planet earth went short of toilet rolls, I’d describe the many myths and theories written by experts (no shortage of them on the WWW) as not so much conspiracies, but the most perplexing phenonium of the 21st Century, every woman man and their dog has an opinion so for what it’s worth here’s mine.

Everyone is in agreement panic buying customers stripped supermarket shelves, to such a point the species were on the brink of extinction, and everyone appears to agree the panic buying started in Australia. Back in mid March their Health Department Tweeted people should stock up on loo rolls BECAUSE (and this is important), BECAUSE as well as wiping your ass (apologies) toilet tissue can ALSO be used to blow your nose, a genuine health message there! Corona virus is airborne spread by infected people sneezing, I get that, it makes sense. Then of course Aussies in their droves went out and purchased loo roll, TV companies picked up on the story and a global domino affect ensued, ‘that good ole’ herding mentality for you (heard that phrase a lot) prompting us irrational stupid humans into a frenzied buying and hoarding orgy.

‘Hmm, is hoarding a mechanism for gaining back control in a crisis?’ 

However panicking as a reason for shortage seems tooo simplistic, after all that’s what supply chains and warehouses are designed for. Then just last week I watched a boxing video on YouTube, an interesting interview with the world’s top Promotor discussing the Sport’s future post pandemic, when for a reason that escapes me? Eddie Hearn suggested the most plausible explanation yet!

Thus.

Apparently in the world of selling toilet rolls, the global production/delivery/selling industry is divided into two ‘businesses’, two totally separate independent supply chains, one involving supplying schools factories hospitals libraries fire stations etc……. you get the idea! The second supplying supermarket shelves only and nothing else, two supply chains ‘that never the twain shall meet’ so to speak.

Do you see where I’m going with this?

Yes?

No?

Common concentrate.

Well Eddie’s theory goes, after the panic buying subsided people’s homes were fully stocked, quickly followed by Governments locking millions of people within their homes (I’m saying no more), the consequence people stopped using toilets in their workplaces offices restaurants, instead they began working from home thus creating a domestic loo roll shortage, you get the idea, workplaces overflowed with tissue rolls but uhmm no one was wiping their ass! 

Seems a plausible theory to me, what do you think? Lol do you care?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Chinese ‘filthy’ meat Markets

Having ‘a good rant’ is a great way of ridding yourself from frustrations and is strangely therapeutic.

You have been forewarned! 🙂

Definition of a wet market: A place where animals for human consumption are freshly slaughtered but not chilled, apparently Chinese have an appetite for warm meat!

Please look at this photograph below. Taken in a Chinese meat Market I’m both saddened and angry thinking to myself ‘are these shop owners f###ing insane?’ At what point do these morons pictured think it’s acceptable to sell food for human consumption in such insanitary conditions, dirty and germ-ridden unclean unhygienic environments so disgusting as to be a danger to human health! Beggars belief, and heaven knows how unclean the killing abattoirs and slaughter houses must look like because I can only imagine they’d be worse…… could animal butchery actually BE any worse?

Coronavirus Outbreak Crisis - Hong Kong
A Chinese meat Market shop & shopkeeper

Open Shop fronts (and I apply the word ‘Shop’ loosely), rows of Market stalls devoid of glass windows keeping flies outside displaying fresh cuts of meat, tables open to the elements exposed to dirty rain droplets, unclean food ‘outlets’ populated with filthy Chinese humans wandering past no doubt handling and prodding meat joints, motorcars driving past throwing up dirt and soil, belching carbon and sulphur from their exhausts contaminating meat products, and I ask you, in what world does a Trader think this acceptable?

(Google ‘Chinese meat Market’ but be forewarned there ARE photos worse than this, then again perhaps don’t!)

Oh and not forgetting the flies and insects landing and s###ing on the meat, infecting carcasses with disease ridden soon to hatch maggots, and where’s the temperature controlled refrigerators? Where’s the obligatory chest freezers always visible to the rear of a butcher’s shop? And don’t tell me ‘all flat surfaces’ are washed down with clean water and disinfectant at the end of the day, like they are in the UK. And I’m left wondering are those cuts of meat from different species of animal, pig and boar hams hanging on skewers beside goat corpses, raw chicken legs in the same blood filled trays along with cattle steaks? And don’t get me started on pathogen infected pangolins and bats…… No wonder thousands of people are dying each and everyday in Europe and all because these deplorable Market Traders gave zero consideration to public health, the tragic consequence a COVID-19 global pandemic!

The repercussions are heart wrenching and yet totally avoidable 😦 .

I’m left asking myself are the reasons for this mindless stupidity cultural? Or are these morons just ignorant and uneducated, unaware their insanitary conditions breed infections and disease that ultimately kill humans, or do these Shopkeepers turn a blind eye to Chinese food hygiene standards (and apparently they do exist) because if the answer’s yes, then they are guilty of murder!

Incredibly and sadly, Wuhan’s wet Market is again open for business 😦 …… wild animal bush meat anyone?

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Thai ‘happy endings’

Today I’m sharing possibly my favourite ‘red chair story’ from The Graham Norton Show……

Why so Andrew? Fun to write that’s why, and blurs my mind away from this awful virus story, well just for an hour or so, take care ❤ .

7GbL

But first for those of you who don’t understand the phrase ‘happy ending’, lol I find that very hard to believe but I’ll share the definition anyhow.

Happy Ending, def: When a girl (usually Asian) gives you a full body massage, she’ll ‘more often than not’ finish your session with hand relief ‘blowjob’ or full on sex.

Urban Dictionary

Btw you just have to visit the Urban Dictionary website for hilarious alternative definitions to words and phrases used by your teenagers.

Click here and I’ll link you to my own massage tale with a Happy Ending, no photos which goes without saying oh and Dana was her name!

Where to begin? Are you familiar with the BBC’s Graham Norton show? I’d guess the answer’s a resounding yes seeing as this fun comedy show is The ‘Beebs’ most lucrative export, I’d heartily recommend watching Graham’s ‘A list’ celebrities share their funny stories and humorous anecdotes, a perfect Friday night antidote to all that is wrong in our world well that’s before………!

Hmm I just had a thought, corona may have changed scheduling for a while but I’m not giving up all hope.

Blah blah blah lol, of course you’ve all watched Graham and fully aware he finishes every episode with ‘Stories from his Red Chair’, a finale where member’s of the public are given the opportunity to share their own funny story, the only rule being the often hilarious true tale must involve themselves, and be jaw dropping near unbelievable with a sexual twist! Just like the woman who after running for a train sat herself down breathless in a carriage seat, glanced down to see a breast had flopped up and outside her tee shirt, ending with the guy sitting opposite saying……… “please don’t apologise Miss!” I did enjoy that one.

Go to YouTube for more Red Chair Stories!

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Oh yes Graham’s Thai Happy Ending story! Jeeze I do have a terrible habit of getting sidetracked, ask me to name my favourite red chair story, and you’ll find it somewhere on YouTube for sure, if not I’ll try and retelling in my own blogging style………… for some reason it’s my favourite?

An English guest, a guy in his 30’s, ‘plonked’ himself down in the chair and proceeded to tell the story of the day his mother took him to a Thai massage parlor, I know! What was this mad lady thinking? What mother would take her 16 year old son to a frigging massage parlor!

Well turn’s out, and Graham’s guests have to keep their anecdotes clipped brief, many years ago he and his family lived in Thailand and one day his mother took him for a body massage as some sort of treat, enough to say she can’t have been ‘a woman of the world’ and I’d say incredibly naïve. Anyways, this guy and his mother lay on separate massage tables separated by only a curtain, both enjoying a massage when at some point his mother realised the quiet moans and groans coming from behind the curtain, were actually her ‘baby boy’ being climaxed to a hand relief orgasm, jeeze that’s a story to tell all your friends back at school, or for the mom to share with her FB group…….. hopefully happy fun-filled days will return again.

I guess any mother reading could imagine the dawning horror at realising the apple of her eye, her teenage ‘baby’ is being jerked off by a Thai lady masseuse, and right alongside her behind a curtain! Imagine the embarrassment, the blind panic listening to her virgin offspring performing a sex act, the spine chilling dawning she’s giving him hand relief? What an earth was this lol crazy woman thinking? Guys visit Thai massage parlors specifically for the happy ending hand relief, I do, and if you’re interested and thanks for asking, my masseuse is a 25year old (very pretty) lady from Romania!

So there you are, my favourite Red Chair story and heaven knows why I can remember it so vividly, and if you’re at all wondering this guest of Graham’s was a really pleasant young man…………. wow I bet he couldn’t have believed his luck that day!

Fun story though.

Try and stay positive, I’m struggling but you gotta have hope because there is no other alternative 🙂 .

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

‘Over and down your Mons Pubis’

🙂 #Fun erotica.

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……..and you should have seen the ‘googled’ pics I could’ve used 😮

Or the art of enjoying cunnilingus and fellatio during a crisis.

Lockdown oral? Err sounds a little like a weird sexual fetish involving chains padlocks, gleaming patent black bustiers and micro skirts made of PVC, black leather boots shrouding a ‘Dom’s’ creamy white thighs, and bedroom wardrobes large enough to lock a guy inside….. apparently? No don’t be silly, I’m of course referring to couples having sex whilst voluntary cocooned in COVID-19 isolation, sorry, house arrest or legally enforceable home detention now that Boris’s emergency legislation is enshrined in British Law.

He f#cked up but that’s politics for you, now let’s return to my posting about sex 😀 .

I’m beginning to feel jealous of all you happily married couples, you know, laying in bed together early mornings, gently awakening your beloved with a stroking rhythmically sensual hand relief the perfect start to a stressful lockdown day, or gifting hubby a relaxing sensory bj now that you have all this free time on your hands, oh and sloppy wet which goes without saying, slurps of drooling warm saliva lubricating his purple bellend, your mouth wide open full, the tip of your tongue kissing his perineum sure to put any man in a good mood for the remaining day, hmm I’d guess blowing hubby regularly is the secret to a long and happy marriage?

And perhaps if you are a lucky girl, after he’s ‘come’ and you’ve either spat or swallowed, he’ll then gently roll you over laying a warm to touch hand on your tummy, gently circle his dextrose fingertips that drag and pull at the skin sending tingles down your spine, releasing pleasurable chemicals into your brain. The anticipation of a touch to your kitty making the arch of your back wriggle and squirm, your needful body now pleading to be pleasured by orgasm. Though his idle hand won’t linger long before a smoothing silky skinned palm moves down below, slipping beneath your pantie hemline you hardly notice the delicate lacy fabric being lifted and disturbed, and now inside your damp cotton underwear an open hand glides over and down your mons pubis, the involuntary signal to part your thighs ever so slightly more, divide that precious curtained entry to your cave of jewels emeralds and rubies, folds of sticky labia parting to reveal kitten soft skin and the unspoken invitation to touch your moistened wet kitty.

Yes after blowing your betrothed an early morning orgasm, he’ll be excited enough to return your favour, of course he’ll slip off your delicate underwear from shapely legs, his firm hand now pulling at your inner thigh as he repositions himself between wide parted legs, the wider you stretch tight muscles the wider your vaginal canal will be, now aroused ‘bucking’ and hard again, he’s invited to nuzzle his face deep into your pleasure garden and feast upon your sweet nectar, you gasp throw your head back as the tip of his tongue dances like a twirling skater on ice……..….jeeze writing this nonsense has given even me a hard on! Way tooo many metaphors Andrew! 😀

Blissfully happy you’ll lay deep into soft cotton bedding wanting his cunnilingus skills to last forever, well at least until you’d ‘come’! And hopefully IMPORTANTLY climaxing before freshly woken children run to the bathroom spoiling the fun, then again I guess you could both do a ’69 position’ and cut the foreplay time by half? Yep I wish I was married, I’m sooo jealous of all you lucky horny couples now gifted hours of free time to enjoy early morning sex and (lockdown) Oral.

 

(Written Just or Fun and spare a thought for me, I haven’t slept with a woman in well over a month.)

©A. Shepherdson 2020

Mother’s spring daffodils

Daffodowndilly
She wore her yellow sun bonnet
She wore her greenest gown
She turned to the south wind
And curtsied up and down
She turned to the sunlight
And shook her yellow head
And whispered to her neighbour
“Winter is dead”

Poem by A.A. Milne

My mother’s passion in life is growing flowers in her garden, and being as our own Spring season has finally arrived I thought why not share her potted flowering Daffodils. Exquisite beautiful perennials she grows every year, and yet again I’m so pleased with my £8 digital camera’s results, as I’ve said before bought from eBay……… quite probably the best purchase I’ve made in my life. (See more pics on this WP).

I Googled daffodil poems (as you do) and no word of a lie there were so many to choose from, however one delightful simple poem captured my imagination called ‘Daffodowndilly’ by A.A. Milne…… brilliant I love it!

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My mother’s ‘daffodils’ photographed 10th April 2020

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A. Shepherdson 2020

‘The Simpsons’ Canada version

This video ‘went viral’, which of course means wherever you live on the Globe you’ll already have seen it…. 🙂 made me smile and we all need cheering up. 

The video (below) I copied from the BBC website then uploaded on to my YouTube Channel, what-the-heck, I made NO money and very few watch my videos anyway.

A family in Ontario, Canada recreated The Simpsons’ iconic opening sequence – complete with “Maggie” being beeped through a supermarket checkout, and “Homer” at work at the power plant.

Joel Sutherland, his wife Colleen and their three children decided to film their own version using old Halloween costumes of the characters, and props from around their home.

Dad said “We were looking for a project to keep the children busy and engaged, and take their minds off all of the things they cannot do right now”.

A. Shepherdson 2020 also ©BBC video (and aren’t the Sutherland’s awesome and look out for Maggie at the end!)

What Charles Darwin had to say about COVID-19

(My argument for today and final Posting for the foreseeable 🙂 . Allow this virus to take its natural course because suppression will have awful social consequences, it’ll then be over by Autumn and the survivors will have a herd immunity, yep survival of the fittest and if you’re curious I have epilepsy so lol I’m well and truly f#cked 😀 !!! Some readers may be offended feel free to disagree. Peace and love ❤ )

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“Living or dying is determined by natural selection, your struggle to exist is by selective breeding within the world’s natural cycle of evolution, so today might be your last day on earth? Hard luck my friend, life’s a bitch just live with it!” (Charles Darwin)

(Extract taken from ‘The Origin of Species’ written by Charles Darwin 🙂 )

“Why should Doctors and Nurses be the ONLY people in society risking their lives? Isn’t that a selfish way to live your own life? EACH and EVERY one of you should be exposing yourselves to this Virus every day, taking the exact same risks healthcare workers do, and unfortunately if YOU become infected then ‘C’est la vie’ your struggle for existence may soon be at an end.

You’re all adults you all should have realised by now life is UNFAIR, so take a deep breath, walk out of your home every morning, live your life the best you can, wash your hands, wear a mask, social distance from your fellow human beings, don’t bitch and moan about your lot, be nice to people and if the virus infects and you fall ill, you never know you just might be one of the 96% who survive to live another day!

I once coined the phrase survival of the fittest, the strongest live while the weakest die, Laws of Nature applying to every bird fish animal or organism on planet earth, so if you fall ill and corona virus kills you, like I said life’s a bitch and today just wasn’t to be your lucky day.

Don’t MAKE doctors and nurses the only one’s to risk their lives, stop being selfish and go risk your own!…… Blacksmiths, Serving ‘wenches’, Stonemasons, Candle wick makers, Prostitutes, Stagecoach drivers and other essential occupations included 😀 .”

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Living in a Ghost Town

Photographs taken by myself (©Andrew) at midday 6th April 2020.

Below you see a series of 4 photographs all snapped (now there’s an historic phrase for you) with me standing at the very same spot on our planet’s surface, they’re all captured using my (new) Smart phone and all taken pointing in a North East South & West direction. 

(Ever heard the saying Never Eat Shredded Wheat’? Ugh what? That’s the rhyme my mother used to teach me as a child so I’d remember the clockwise points on a compass, hmm is there a name for this teaching aid?)

Anyways where was I? 

There’s a startling visual phenonium flooding the internet at the moment, and of course social media has picked up on it, whether on FB or Insta, you’ll see fascinating pictures taken of global City streets striking by the absence of ALL human beings. But there’s more, even more remarkable are the Global tourist attractions taken before lockdown and soon after, again there’s not a human animal in sight!

Whether outside Buckingham Palace or The Taj Mahal, Cityscape wonders of the world usually packed with people are empty and they’re truly remarkable, capturing your imagination because empty Cities no longer exist, incidentally I read a remarkable statistic yesterday it’s estimated one Billion souls are currently locked inside their own homes!

😮 one Billion me included!

Anyways ever the one to latch onto a trending #hashtag I thought I’d share photos of my own Town’s empty Streets, btw I live somewhere in the UK (lol wall’s have ears and I don’t want some crazed Italian woman trying to track me down again, but she did look stunning out of her virgin white bra and panties, no virgin though!)

Back on message, gazing at my photos once again it’s no exaggeration to say I’ve never seen my Town look so empty, yes startling photographs but also a little unnerving upsetting even…………… hopefully we’ll return to normality soon 🙂 .

Incidentally the pillared building pictured below/left was historically my Town’s centre, in the year 1606 Richard Ashcombe left £50 to build a house ‘over and above’ the Cross, which later became a place where residents sold perishable goods such as butter.

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Looking NORTH 
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Looking EAST
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Looking SOUTH
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Looking WEST, alas Police will stop a Motorist to ask him where he’s going

The City is Birmingham 1982, the song ‘Ghost Town’ by The Specials a social comment of a depressed and decaying Britain………..

 

©A. Shepherdson 2020

My homemade Cottage pie

Not a food recipe for vegans!

Just so as you are aware I’m no ‘Delia Smith’ around the kitchen, but I can cook when I apply myself and I’m pretty nifty with cakes and biscuits as it happens! When I first moved into my home many years ago, I promised myself I wouldn’t eat on a diet of High Street shop takeaways and I’ve kept that promise, though I will admit to buying the occasional chilled supermarket meal, but they’re never as tasty has homemade food agreed? BTW I didn’t panic buy groceries when our lockdown was first announced, but with self isolation looming I did buy frozen beef mince and chicken for curries bolognaises etc, and plenty of rice potatoes and pasta etc.

(So did everyone else along with toilet roll, why?)

Anyways enough chat, yesterday I defrosted 400g of lean beef mince and decided to make a cottage pie (or lol the opposite way round), a positive task to keep me amused, then I thought why not add the photographs onto my WordPress, another positive task….. and yes most people reading will make an improved version but ‘hey ho’ humour me 😀 .

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Unfortunately due to lockdown isolation I had very little fresh vegetables in the fridge, but not to worry, lol the broccoli complimented my ‘homemade’ cottage pie 😀

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Staying home PROTECTS lives

Oh dearie me, Scotland’s chief medical officer Dr Catherine Calderwood has been a very naughty girl. Usually a person’s fall from grace swiftly followed by an unreserved apology makes for wonderfully entertaining TV viewing, we do so enjoy watching the rich and powerful, pompous and hypercritical being snared by the very advice they’re lecturing other’s to follow, especially if the delinquents sour faced apology, sorry sermon! Is delivered standing before a lectern it’s like watching a crash unfolding before your very eyes!

Only problem is Catherine’s hubris is a whole lot more serious, for the past few weeks she’s been quite rightly pleading with the public to stay at home and so protect the NHS, then yesterday a Scottish newspaper published photos of her visiting her second home (40miles away), I’ll spare you the pictures but she’s been spotted outside walking with her husband and children!

Sadly the saying ‘Do as I say and Not as I do’ comes to mind, however I’m not gloating, Dr. Calderwood is good person, a health professional sharing ‘life or death’ advice we all must follow to stop this awful virus from spreading. Catherine doesn’t deserve the hate emails and radio phone in abuse she’s receiving, she’s apologised unreservedly, admitted irresponsible behaviour and given a touching honest response, so let’s all give her a break shall we. 🙂 

‘Stay at home and Protect lives’

England's chief nursing officer Ruth May
England’s cheif nursing officer Ruth May, “stay home, protect the NHS and save lives 🙂 “

 

A. Shepherdson 2020

Selling your body for money

So what to make of today’s Title? To begin with 4 of my past 5 postings have all been corona virus themed, I’ve enjoyed the creative writing process however 4 is quite enough for the present. Not to worry, I’ve revisited my draft postings and blown the dust off this masterpiece languishing unloved and unpublished! It’s politically incorrect (if not darned right illegal) and morally questionable, out of synque with present day social distancing regulations (a frigging understatement if there ever was one!) but I’ve decided to publish (yeh Andrew keep calling yourself a writer) and be damned….  now I’ll quit apologising and allow you to decide if selling your ass for money could ever be considered acceptable.

We’re all prostitutes of a sort, we can all be bought if the price is high enough, can’t we?

Note this posting isn’t a movie review however it is an Indecent Proposal!

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l;jhI’m going to pose a rather delicate question, however hold on before scrolling down to take a peek.

Do you remember the motion picture ‘Indecent Proposal’ starring the fabulous Woody Harlesden, sexy Demi Moore and screen icon Robert Redford. The premise of the film is Woody and Demi, a young beautiful hipster couple are truly madly deeply in love, besotted with each other, just understand if you’ve never watched the film, the movie’s narrative never stops reminding you Woody and Demi have discovered their soul mates…… yes each other.

Forgot to mention they’re newly married.

Now for the plot twist, into this highly watchable tale appears the cool and charismatic Robert Redford, still to this day one of the most beautiful of men to have starred on the silver screen. Well to cut a long story short (and I ain’t gonna worry about giving away spoilers, Indecent Proposal was released in 1993 for heavens sake!) Robert Redford falls for Demi’s character and why an earth wouldn’t he, a combination of both carnal lust and a long distant memory of a similar lady he once loved, Redford offers the two lovers an indecent proposal of one million dollars for ONE night in bed with Demi……. do I really have to detail the sex scene in their Hotel room? No lol.

Ok Redford #@&^%$ Demi and they fell in love……. why wouldn’t she? And how dumb was Woody?

So now I pose the question, and just be aware I’m pathologically obsessed with this moral dilemma, wouldn’t you agree everyone has a monetary price for a night’s passion with their partner? Don’t they? Many couples allow their partner a gimme’, you know a sexy movie actor/actress they’d begrudgingly happily allow them to sleep with, an amusing hypothetical game which will never be tested in Court.

But returning to my indecent proposal, can you envisage a price for a night’s passion with your partner? If the relationship is on the cusp of divorce then the answer’s easy, take the money, divide two ways and run, however if you’re deeply in love with your betrothed possibly sharing children, would you say “no sum is large enough”, or would you sell a night’s passion with your wife or husband if only for a new house car and spending money!

Like I said this conundrum often crosses my mind when say sitting in a train station’s waiting room, two lovers walk past holding hands wander past and I muse ‘would they?’…………… Well you’ve got to keep an imagination busy when bored out your brains!

Now for a (really) Indecent Proposal.

Ok let’s take my narrative one step further, in a creepier weirdo direction. Remember my previous post Yoga Pants (true) story, imagine yourself  for a second walking a path dividing a grassy green common alone, oh and you’re a WOMAN! When all of a sudden a rather well dressed guy appears beside you, the pair of you began chatting about the nice weather you’ve been enjoying or the like, you trust any motives, the banter’s friendly making you feel comfortable and at ease, then the pervert rascal asks you “how much money to squeeze your ass cheeks Miss?”

Holy crap what do you say?

Bearing in mind your two hands are laden down by grocery carrier bags meaning you cannot smack him round the cheeks, you know, drop the bags smashing the eggs and jam jars. Well after the initial shock passes and you didn’t feel particularly threatened (ok just run with my creepy proposal… and I know you’re unconvinced), the friendly conversation continues if a little nervously, that’s until he offers you that indecent proposal!

(The woman is offered £20)…….. “you can #%& off!”

£30 ………..‘where’s a policeman when I need one’

£40 ………. ‘is he for real?’

£50 ………. ‘I think he’s for real’

£60 ……….‘well the daughter does need new shoes’

£70 ………. ‘ok I’m interested’………. ‘but how much higher will he go?’

£80 ……….‘I can’t believe I’m tempted’

£90 ……….‘omg the wallet’s out of his pocket!’

£100!…………

Would you glance around to see if anyone’s watching, swiftly accept the money and whisper,

“Go on… get behind me…. you can squeeze my ass cheeks…… but nothing more mind!!”

Lol where’s the problem? Who’s to know? And by this point you’ll have guessed I’m convinced every woman will prostitute herself agree to be propositioned if the amount is large enough…….. and before you say,

“No guy would pay £100 to touch my ass”,

You’d be surprised, male fantasies and fetishes have no limits, trust me there are men who’d pay for the thrill of squeezing a married woman’s buttocks, sleep with her for £1000s even but I’m not going there, sexual prostitution’s a whole different Posting!

😀 A. Shepherdson 2020 

New Corona virus legislation, living within a Police State

Ok before I begin, I’m not stupid, I understand both the reasoning and need for ‘The Health Protection UK Act 2020’. I understand the reasons why 60 million UK citizens are no longer permitted to leave their home, at least for a minimum of 6 months before the legislation is reviewed.

Six months! 😀 That’s living within a ‘Police State’ in all but name.

So please let me be clear on this, I’m not complaining, this corona virus infection death rate after having tested positive for COVID-19 is doubling every 4 days. As of now 600 deaths a day, and expected to be 1000 deaths per day when our Easter break falls. So understandably our Government attempts to suppress these tragic deaths by fear (I’m not being critical), fear of contracting this awful disease and the burden this puts on our NHS, also fear of monetary fines, Court appearances and/or possible prison for those contravening these new Regulations. 

Sad times, ‘it is what it is’.

“If you are not complaining Andrew, why publish this today?” you may ask. Well having this WordPress has given me a disciplined reason to sit down and carefully read this new Act of Parliament, or ‘Instrument’ as Boris prefers to call it? (Statutory Instrument is a new one on me)……. 😀 why else would I have bothered posting? 

😦 To be continued, A. Shepherdson 2020………………

Below, extracts (screenshots) from the new 2020 Emergency Act of Parliament.

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Legislation brought before Parliament, ‘Health Protection Regulations 2020 
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Prosecution: ‘As of this moment, Fines and/or arrests, perhaps a Court appearance’
Screenshot (2974)
Restrictions on Movement: ‘To take exercise either alone or with members of their household’
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Fixed penalty notices: ‘Authorised person (Police) issues a fixed penalty to a person he believes has committed an offence under this legislation’
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Restrictions on movement: ‘Reasonable excuses for leaving the house’

The Mountain goats of Llandudno

eeeerrrdddddddddds

Well appears everyone on social media across the planet is posting photos of the Mountain goats of Llandudno, so I thought to myself ‘Andrew why not jump on the bandwagon?’

These Mountain goats normally populate the rocky Great Orme Country Park land, also occasional visitors to the seaside town of Llandudno (in Wales UK).

Ever heard of the phrase

‘Wild nature always takes an empty space’

If you haven’t but you’re a keen gardener, you’ll be all tooo aware clear a patch of soil from all vegetation, leave unattended for several days, and weeds will have already begun re-invaded the space as their own….. yep wild nature always takes an empty space goats included.

The wild herd of ‘shaggy coated’ goats were most likely drawn by the lack of people, few cars, and the absence of tourists due to the Covid-19 lockdown. Oh and a plentiful supply of lush green grass………… they won’t be the only wildlife species either!

A. Shepherdson 2020

Coronavirus. Known unknowns?

The greatest ‘known unknown’ of our times, a question I’ll ask myself at some point each and every day…… don’t we all? 

“When If I catch the corona virus, will I be one of the 97/100 who get better again? Or one of the 3/100 who’ll sadly pass away?………….. I’m not being morbid about it, statistics don’t lie!

“There are known knowns; there are things we know we know.

We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know.

But there are also unknown unknowns; the ones we don’t know, we don’t know.

And if one looks throughout the history of our country and other free countries, it is the latter category that tend to be the difficult ones.”

Donald Rumsfeld (Secretary of Defense) 12/02/2002

I’ll try and keep my narrative as clear and simple as possible, after all I’m a simple guy, and remember this is a themeless Blog.

Ok I’ll be completely honest with you dear readers, rather pretentiously, I had intended to try and draw parallels between Rumsfeld’s famed, no quite brilliant “unknown unknowns” speech, to try and make sense of this COVID-19 chaos? But THAT would be yes pretentious, pseudo intellectual wanky……. in other words I wouldn’t have a clue what I was talking about. All I will add is Rumsfeld’s 2002 speech is considered one of the greatest soundbites ever spoken by a politician, iconic even, never to be bettered for the sheer mental gymnastics required trying to make coherent sense of it! ❤

Perhaps hawkish Rumsfeld isn’t as smart as he thought he was, asked by the reporter at the video’s ending, George Dubya’s policy salesman couldn’t apply any to the original question!

But it’s still brilliant, genius and if the internet is any indication, used to begin many a writer’s thesis whether that be microbiology or the complexities of international warfare. Ahh hold on a second, humanity is at war trying to defeat Covid-19 and turns out, and I’ve done my research here, turns out ‘unknown unknowns’ originates from the 1950s when first used by defense analysts, so who knows? Perhaps at this very moment very intelligent men and women are using it as a tool to defeat corona virus?

Maybe.

Who knows, perhaps I’ve just been trying to find an excuse to share one of my very favourite YouTube videos on my Blog……. you didn’t know this but I’m a bit of a ‘famous speech’ anorak!

Anyways I’ve learnt today that rather than being an off the cuff nonsense soundbite, with George Dubya’s political fixer soon after universally ridiculed and lampooned, people initially thought the statement was pseud’s corner gobbledygook! However the concept of the ‘unknown unknowns’ existed long before Donald Rumsfeld gave it a new audience.

Discussing Politics makes a change from my adoration of the female form, you know my references to wobbly succulent peachy buttocks and dripping wet kitties!

A. Shepherdson 2020