How Long is an Average Length? (Penises)

cartoon-ruler-006(Humour, NO photos)

2 questions for you, do you know the average length of a human male erect penis? Also have you ever wished to know? If so read on!

I’m a respectfully playful soul on-line, all good fun and it passes the time quite pleasurably, so having tagged this post NSFW, I think it’s ok to share a question that’s sparked and arced my juvenile imagination for as long as I can remember, namely ‘how long is an average length?’ Btw please note this post’s content is about on a par as a woman’s magazine or an encyclopaedia!

Let me begin.

So yes I’m wondering this evening, how long is average length in inches OR centimetres? And no we’re not talking about the length of my telescope! So what do you do when you have a question that’s always puzzled you? You Google ’cause the days of visiting the library are alas long gone…………. yikes it’s been ages since I last visited a public library 😦 .

Amazingly, as of this moment in time I can only remember asking one lady this rather unusual question, and she gave hand-relief for a living! Well think for a second it’s just not the question to ask in polite company is it, women that is, because we men will discuss our lengths until the proverbial cows come home and compare when group showering………… oh yes we will, and do!!

Before I get to the point of sharing my vital statistics, and you just knew I was going to share my length didn’t you? Here are a few facts and figures to keep you amused. And yes I did once get a steel rule out to measure, I’ll admit to that one lol. So let’s talk statistics shall we, yes I researched facts and figures on the www, then blended with my own thoughts and opinions as always, that is apart from several highlighted quotations lifted from appropriate websites, i.e. thoughts on body image!

A collaboration between King’s College and our very own NHS polled 15,521 men, wow that is some serious studying, measuring both their penis length and girth when erect, now wait for it! Are you sitting down comfortably?

The average length of a penis when erect is 13.1cm/5.16″, now didn’t you always wish to know that? And there’s more, the average girth (circumference) is 11.6cm/4.59″ now I have to say if that’s the average then I’m feeling rather deflated!

You want more stats? Ok, the average length when flaccid is 9.2cm/3.16″ and the average softened girth is 9.32cm/3.67″, again I’m feeling slightly deflated if you’ll excuse the pun!! Now if all those figures seem low to you, it just goes to show the size of one’s penis isn’t such a big deal after all, and perhaps the length of a man’s aroused member, swollen appendage ain’t worth worrying about anyway!

More stats? I’ve got them! Only 5% of erect penises are bigger than 16cm/6.3″ long, now that figure cheered me up no end (excuse the pun), likewise only 5% of men have a penis shorter than 10cm/3.94″.

And now to growing old? For those of us closer to the end than the beginning penis size does get shorter with age, men in their 60’s to 70’s may lose 0.4″ to 0.6″ in penis length and interestingly, I never knew this, any increase in body fat percentage can result in the penis appearing smaller as a man ages………… now there’s an incentive for keeping one’s weight down, 0.4″-0.6″ may not seem a lot to a guy but it may mean the world to your partner!

More facts and figures? Ok one more, an internet-based survey of more than 50,000 men and women revealed 45% of men would like a larger penis.

‘Each penis is unique and boys develop at different ages and rates. During puberty, usually between the ages of 11 and 18, the penis and testicles develop more rapidly, although the penis doesn’t stop growing until the age of 21.’

So what does the fair sex think? 

Several studies that I happened across during my not so scientific research, suggested penis size is much lower on their list of priorities than for say, personal grooming also a man’s personality and all I can say is thank goodness for that! That’s the best news I came across all evening! In fact 85% of women were satisfied with their partner’s erection whereas only 55% of men were satisfied with the length of their own, and speaking for myself every guy is so very proud of his own appendage but when asked we’d all admit that we’d prefer a longer one……………. now I detest visual pornography but I did happen to watch a movie starring this black guy by the name of ‘Mandingo’, incredibly he had a 30cm/12″ penis and what’s more he knew how to use it!!

😮 12″ ffs!

According to a Professor Wylie on the internet? (Seriously the website said ‘Wylie’, or were they taking the piss?)

“It may come as a surprise to some young men, but most women have very little interest in the size of their penis and that’s been shown in numerous studies over time, research shows that when it comes to sex, women are much more interested in whether you are romantic, tender and sensitive to their needs and desires than your penis size.”

Yet more data for you, and come on be honest we all like comparing our preferences to national statistics. A published report by UCLA no less, showed 84% of women feel “very satisfied with their man’s penis size”, though that doesn’t differentiate between girth and length? Yes men worry whether their penis will sexually satisfy their partners but apparently we men can get equally anxious worrying about how we look naked, and personally speaking how my body is perceived by a lady does worry me!

And now we come to that old chestnut does size matter? Of particular concern for some men is whether their penis will be sexually satisfying for themselves also their partner, and according to the internet, when it comes to sexual intercourse bigger may not always be better, now there’s some good news for you!

In yet another study, researchers interviewed 75 sexually active women asking what size of penis they would prefer for a one-night stand, apparently they preferred a 16.25cm/6.4″ erect penis and a mind blowing 12.7cm/5″ in girth, that’s circumference to you keep up, 5″ wow that’s BIG!! However women in long term relationships preferred a 16cm/6.3″ long penis with a girth of 12.2cm/4.8″, now in my opinion that’s still one big penis!

Yet another similar study of women’s preferences, published in BMC Women’s Health, found that penis girth was more important than length for sexual satisfaction, hmm interesting!

And what about people with big feet? Yeh that old wives tale. Well no evidence has been found linking penis size to foot size or ethnicity, so a no to that fake news, and like I said it is believed that a higher BMI and old age are weakly associated with a shorter erect penis……….. and note, there is some truth in the fact men who drive big cars have small dicks!

Btw if you are a guy reading this just for fun post and wish to measure your own length erection, get a rule then measure from the base where it connects to your pubic bone, right to the tip of your glans which is the bellend purple helmet, however don’t forget to subtract any additional length associated with foreskin, that’s cheating! As for girth, I measured the width of my shaft inserting the figure into a maths equation 3.14xD or 2×3.14xR.

Oh and I came across this gem observation,

‘Feeling inadequate can really damage a man’s self-confidence and affect his social life. It can lead to issues from being unable to using public urinals or shared shower rooms, to avoiding intimate relationships.’

Well personally speaking I have never ever looked at a man’s penis when inside public urinals, jeez can’t you get arrested for that? But being serious for a second I guess a worried teenager/young man could feel inadequate, leading to low-self esteem, affect his relationship with women but the good news is all this research tells us women aren’t to bothered by size anyway? Similarly research sadly appears to show anxiety about penis size may arise after taunts from other children during adolescence, or remarks from a sexual partner and I can imagine that level of bullying would hurt.

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(Left, a Greek statue)

And finally penises of course feature throughout art history and culture……. As we know from cave paintings and ancient sculpture man has always placed great importance on the size of his penis, with many cultures associating penis size with masculinity, what’s more throughout the ages, long penises had come to symbolise qualities such as virility, fertility, strength, ability and courage. Some cultures even went to extreme lengths to try to increase the size of their penis, and don’t imagine I already know these following two nuggets of trivia because I didn’t, apparently Indian mystics known as Sadhus had been known to stretch their penis from an early age by hanging weights on it, while the Topinama tribesmen of Brazil encouraged poisonous snakes to bite their penis to enlarge it.

Ouch!!

If you suffer from low self esteem here are a few tips to help with positive body image, incidentally lifted directly from one of those Medic websites and so very true.

‘If you’re unhappy with your body, whether it’s the size of your penis or the look of any other part of you, try these helpful tips for feeling better about yourself:
Focus on the characteristics and body parts you do like, such as broad shoulders or a nice smile.
Maintain a healthy weight and incorporate strength training into your exercise routine. If you look fit and healthy, you may feel better about yourself.
Don’t become consumed by penis size. You can be a satisfying sexual partner regardless of the size of your penis.
Don’t compare yourself to athletes, models, and actors. You’ll develop an unhealthy and unrealistic image of what is normal and how you should look.
Spend more time and energy on pursuits you find rewarding, whether it’s sports, hobbies, traveling, or other activities. Lasting self-esteem comes from nonphysical traits, such as creativity, intelligence, and your values.’

Wouldn’t you agree that’s sound advice for life in general?

So I guess if there’s any conclusions to be made, it appears plenty of men wonder if they are at or near the average penis size, when the actual truth is a majority of men are within a close range of the average length and girth………………… hmm do I have tooo much time on my hands?

Oh yes I nearly forgot to say my appendage erect is a good percentage above average length, yay! But alas I’m a percentage smaller on girth the figure women Really worry about 😉 , and no I’m not saying by how much! 😀 

So is an average length of 13.1cm/5.16″ a surprise to you?

©A. Shepherdson 2019

(a day trip to) Highgate Cemetery

I have a conundrum for you this evening!

Thursday I travelled to London by coach with the aim of visiting Highgate’s Victorian Cemetery and yes it lived up to my expectations. I had promised a photo blog much the same as I’ve written before after one of my daytrips, however, alas I have only 3 photos for you pictured below of the imposing Gothic gated entrance, the centrepiece 200+ year Circle of Lebanon Cedar tree and a view taken from the pathway.

So why so few photos? Well our Tour guide said camera photography was permitted, yet no one did perhaps for no other reason than taking pictures of the dead seemed disrespectful? A Cemetery after all is a peaceful quiet place of eternal rest anyways not to worry.

Which all means I’ll have to exercise my brain (with a twist) and write about the day instead.

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My photo of the imposing entrance. Imagine 150 years ago horse drawn carriages, their manes adorned with plumes of black feathers entering by these gates.
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Now I am really pleased with this photo of the ‘Circle of Lebanon’ damaged by sunstrike, AND yes I was looking toward a low spring time sun but I like the photo. Alas this dying Cedar tree’s days are numbered but I’ve given you a hint of sunken vaults in the foreground.
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My photograph surreptitiously taken from the winding snaking gravel pathways

I guess each person within our tour party would have loved to spend the afternoon roaming the cemetery’s many vaults, mausolea, statues, catacombs and other treasures, but alas our lovely ‘super efficient’ tour guide had a schedule to be kept to, wandering stragglers at the rear were given a sharp,

“Do keep up now!”

The lady sounding rather like a brusque, rather annoyed headmistress with her cut glass posh English accent…………. but there you are who can complain when her 70minutes tour blessed with many fascinating facts, dates and true tales was so interesting.

However!

Please remember if I’ve wetted your appetite for visiting and seeing for yourselves this wonder of Victorian London, please remember you CANNOT just turn up on the off chance because it’s not open to the public to wander in from the street! If you do you’ll be faced with my photo above with it’s large wrought iron gates locked tightly shut, but that does kinda add to the excitement, knowing that only a lucky few can visit each day. No you have to do some on-line preparation work before hand, and just imagine if this was open to the general public! Thousands of people walking traipsing wherever they wish, leaving coke cans and vandalising both the wildlife and structures with all peace and tranquillity disappeared.

Not to worry though, visit Highgate cemetery’s website and you can book a ticket for yourself and your partner (no under age8 children allowed), then pay £12.

Now through the wonders of Google here are several images below I’ve stolen borrowed from the net, look closely and you’ll see a photo of the centre piece cedar tree absent of sun-strike!

I quite took to our tour guide wearing her bright red shirt on a warm spring day, her tightly fitting slim blue jeans, a tall and slender lady no older than age60 and readers to this blog will know the older woman turns me on big time! Especially when she’s assertive bossy and domineering, but joking apart and being bluntly honest she was an extremely sexy specimen of aged womanhood, oh and with the hint of two gentle mounds of breasts beneath her scarlet shirt………….. that topped my day!

The lady’s most entertaining true tale, of which there were many, features the renowned Victorian anatomist and surgeon Henry Gray, similar to many of the interns beneath Highgate’s undergrowth he was a man famous of his day, and if you wish to know more then Wikipedia for other notable Victorians laying six feet under!

(Charles Dickens wife and children are buried here.)

Henry Gray’s headstone had only recently been discovered by a volunteer clearing from amongst the thousands of headstones, and ivy strewn undergrowth. Apparently as the story goes, during surgical operations he would try to cut as quickly as possible with his knife and saw because the patient was not under anaesthetic, though Gray did later discover ether would make the knifing procedure less painful. Again as the story goes, our lady guide told us Gray also holds the impressive record of most deaths in one single operation, because in his haste to amputate a man’s leg quickly, he cut three fingers off his assistant (who later died of infection), a member of the public watching (for as we were reminded this is where the term ‘operating theatre’ originates) dropped down dead, and of course the patient later died also succumbing to his injuries.

Three deaths during one operation, impressive no?

Of course the connection between infection and cleanliness of instruments hadn’t been discovered yet, much the same as Joseph Bazzalgette hadn’t yet discovered cholera was a water borne infection, the Victorians believing cholera was an airborne disease with horrific consequences, incidentally Bazzalgette invented London’s sewage system and yet another genius Victorian who shaped the modern world!

Incidentally Victorian high society was captivated by this new profession called surgery, but (apparently according to our gorgeous tour guide) surgeons were the superstar ‘must have dinner guests’ at parties of the time, but little did they know surgeons also paid unscrupulous London men to rob graves of their dear departed all in the name of practice and science, that’s until an act of Parliament allowed the dead from workhouses to be purchased and dissected. 

I guess the Anglican Church didn’t believe souls of the poor required saving?

The real irony of course is, Highgate was built a fortress with armed guards in order to keep grave robbers OUT which kinda amused me, and I wasn’t aware the vaults were fitted with bells because apparently Victorian Londoners biggest fear was waking alive after being presumed dead……….. now I can see the logic in that!

Hopefully I’ve given you a sense of how the Lady interwove different tales into one stream of consciousness, very clever and as she said sporting a rather wry grin, “Of course we did what every cash strapped charity would do! We contacted those wealthy Fellows Of the Royal College of Surgeons (FRCS), to see if they would be interested in helping pay for Henry’s grave to be cleaned”, and again as we were reminded ‘Gray’s Anatomy’ is still purchased today by bright eyed medical students embarking on their career in medicine.

There is so much more I could write about such as foxes visiting after dusk, the catacombs are home to a rare breed of spider having found it’s home inside the damp burial vaults, bats hang from the ceilings above lead boxed coffins, still visible the wooden casket having  decomposed and rotted away, tales of how Londoners could walk from Canning Town through fields and meadows to marvel at this the poshest Cemetery in England, and for a Brit that’s an astounding vision because the journey today is walked through street lined buildings! And George Michael is buried behind it’s strong high walls I guess in an effort to keep it hidden from view or from becoming a public shrine, jeez just imagine if his final resting place was open to musician following pilgrims and their posters!! 

Yes a truly amazing Victorian splendour with heaps of history and atmosphere and THANKFULLY no stories of ghosts!

Finally why not book on-line and go visit for yourselves, however note you cannot spend an afternoon doing as you wish but does that matter anyway? Oh and if you’re lucky you to may have an attractive sexy Grandma for a tour guide. 

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The ‘Egyptian Avenue’ taken from a print of the day, I think we were colonising Egypt at the time!!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

 

Weekend morning Fiction #41

‘The weekend is finally here, and that means that it’s high time for a glimpse into a new story. Well, to be more precise, a flash fiction that might have the potential to become a more complex story..… eventually.’ Alexandra Ispas

Joshua-Tree-i-Joshua-Tree-National-Park
Joshua Tree, ‘Where The Street’s Have No Name’

Today I’m reblogging original fiction written by a lady I Follow and yes the story is written for meee!!

Okay I should be less obtuse and qualify my boldish claim by saying authoress Alexandra Ispas’s blog ‘It’s A Small World’ is a place she write’s flash fiction every weekend, (my own reading genre isn’t fantasy but who says you must read specific genres?) Anyways retuning to this my introduction, Alexandra chooses a favourite album song of hers then writes a tale inspired by that song’s narrative and I enjoy reading her tales.

I only realised days later February 9th was my birthday as well! (Lol 😀 ?)

If you wish to read the lady’s original post click here: U2’s Where The Street’s Have No Name or alternately read below 🙂 and if you are a U2 fan then you’ll know doubt spot a few song lyrics in there. Enjoy 🙂

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(This time I’ll be creating a fantasy flash fiction out of U2’s song, ‘Where The Streets Have No Name’, a song requested by A. Shepherdson. Cheers for the inspiring idea!
Now, to get straight to the point, here’s a little fantasy for your craving imagination. I know you want it!)

An old man once told me that there’s a place without a name, a safe haven in a forgotten corner of the world. He said all contact with the outside was broken, so that peace and quiet would prosper.

These days, I craved for peace and quiet like I’d crave for air if it were to be taken from me. Yes, I craved peace and quiet like a page craves for ink and a flower craves for sunlight. I could do without it for a little while, but it wouldn’t be long before it would swallow me up and devour me to the core.

He told me:

“Take the street that has no name until all your love turns to rust. Beware the beating of the wind, but don’t fear it. Take shelter from the poison rain, for it is bound to strike if your path is true, and unnamed obstacles will slow you to a halt. Remember, it is better to pause and continue later than turn around and return where you began.”

Helpful.

I never found the street without a name. I asked for it, but, of course, all streets needed a name, so nobody knew one without it. Nobody in the mortal world. That could only mean one thing: the street without a name was in another world, one I took for certain was impossible to exist. Was the Faerie Realm truly real? And the Elven Forest and Giants’ Mountain? How about the Siren’s Lagoon and the Dragon’s Pearl Haven?

For the first time in my life, I saw these children’s stories with a whole new pair of eyes, but it was still too difficult to believe. In spite of all logic, I returned to the old man’s house at the edge of the village and ask him. What exactly, I would think about on the way, maybe, but I knew I had to see him. He was my only lead.

I only arrived as darkness fell like a curtain. As expected it appeared like the old man was home. Pale light shone through the smoky windows and the smoke of a warming fire rose through the chimney, its clouds disappearing without a trace in the night.

Knocking at the door didn’t help, so I allowed myself in with careful movements. Maybe he was asleep.

But what I found inside was nothing like what I had seen my last time there, and neither did I find the old man I was looking for. There was no chimney fire lighting up the furnished room and no presence of life whatsoever. As a matter of fact, the place I entered was not a room at all.

The stories were real.

I was in the Faerie Realm.

©Alexandra Ispas 2019 (She also write’s cookery posts!)

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(Yesterday’s visit to a famous Victorian London cemetery didn’t go entirely to plan, I had a lovely day but alas didn’t take any photos, in fact no one in our Tour Group did and perhaps the reason is a simple ‘photographing the dead is yes a little disrespectful’, but I’ll maybe still write about the day.)

 

Full Moon through MY telescope (18th Feb)

This is a post for lauraroettigerbooks.com also anyone else interested in seeing new photos of the moon taken by meee!

Some Readers may be aware I own a telescope! Well Christmas 2018, 22nd of December to be more exact, I shared photographs taken through the telescope eyepiece using my Fuji digital camera and I’d agree they weren’t particularly good.

Have you ever heard of the saying killing three birds with one stone?

Several days ago on the 18th of February we had another full moon and seeing as I have a new telescope lens, I was curious whether my Galaxy tablet camera would capture superior images AND Oxfordshire’s night time skies were crystal clear, I decided to have a second attempt at taking photographs of our moon, below you’ll see the best 15 from 133 taken and I’m really happy with them.

I could witter reminding you how I never tire of gazing at our moon, perhaps we all take for granted that up there in the sky circling our earth is a big grey rock we call the moon, I’ve always been incredibly awestruck and fascinated by this celestial marvel, so much so I purchased myself a telescope and you may well find me gazing at a full moon………… when our English weather permits!!

(The final photographs below is a map of the moon showing the Apollo landing sites………….. gaze into the Sea of Tranquillity knowing Apollo 11’s Lander sits on the surface!)

🙂 Lol if you’ve skipped directly to the ‘pics below’ remember they were taken by myself and please feel free if you wish to download.

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WEST side of the moon (the large white crater is Tycho)
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S.WEST side of the moon (the dark grey mass above Tycho is ‘The Sea Of Clouds’)
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SOUTH side of the moon
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NORTH side of the moon
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EAST side of the moon
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N. EAST side of the moon
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EAST side of the moon (the upper dark grey is the ‘Sea of Serenity Apollo 17 landing site’, below it is the ‘Sea of Tranquillity Apollo 11 landing site!’
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WEST side of the moon (the white crater half way up is ‘Copernicus?’, and above ‘The Sea Of Moisture’
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N.WEST side of the moon
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N. WEST side of the moon (do you see all the craters on the left edge of the moon)
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Full FACE of the moon (notice the sharp circle of the lens) (the small dark grey far right is ‘The Sea of Crisis’) 
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FULL face of the moon (again showing a sharp lens periphery)
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NORTH side of the moon
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EAST side of the moon (the lower dark grey is ‘The Sea of Nectar’
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WEST side of the moon (again do you see all the craters far left? The East side of the moon has larger craters than the West)

And now for a Google map of the moon!

map_of_the_moon_by_nikofoxfire

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Apollo 11, Tranquillity Base image taken by the LRO

Shepherdson 18th February 2019

My brushes with Mortality?

And yes I’ve changed this week’s publishing dates but not to worry, however I’m still visiting a famous Victorian cemetery this Thursday.

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And NO 😀 this isn’t a sex post, ‘pussy’s’ or ‘kitty’s’ do NOT feature!

Now don’t go worrying yourselves on account of me, oh you mean you weren’t 😀 !!! No I haven’t recently cheated death and very much still alive thanks for caring, but I’m hoping my Post Title intrigues you?

The longer we live and the older we become, increases our chances of meeting our maker sooner than wished for or intended, yes contemplating ones own mortality is perhaps slightly macabre but I do find myself remembering back to ‘close-calls’ in my past, and often visions so crystal clear they’re all but photos in my mind, moments in time which I now appreciate were most definitely one of my nine lives lost!

(Tag this post late evening contemplation and NOT a wallowing in nostalgia for shock effect.)

There was the day I fell from a tall rock whilst on a Geography Field Trip as a teenage schoolboy, looking back I now realise I fell an awful long way but lucky for me Devonshire’s Bodmin moorland was spongy wet having soaked up a great deal of rain! I work alongside a disabled work colleague and I’m certain that fateful day was my own ‘there but for the grace of God’ moment, my lucky day not to be confined to a wheelchair for the rest of my life. The older I become, the closer to the end than beginning I’ll be and I’m more convinced than ever that life is little more than luck and chance. Do I believe in a preordained life’s journey mapped out by an all seeing, all knowing God? Jeez talking of Gods is a WHOLE different blog subject.

In the words of a famous British surgeon, “hug and kiss your family before they leave home in the morning and hug and kiss them before they go to bed at night.”

Anyways returning to my second brush with mortality.

There was the car accident I was involved in as a twenty-two year old man when one pitch black evening, driving a rain soaked road I turned a bend in the dual carriageway only to be faced by a line of stationary traffic halted by red traffic lights.

(((SMASH)))

As I ploughed into the rear of an ‘Austin Montego’ but lucky for me everyone and anyone close by, I’d managed to decelerate to ten miles an hour? I’m unsure how fast I was travelling when I hit, but it’s true what they say my split second traffic accident happened in slow motion, why is that? A fear coping message from the brain warning a human being to be braced for imminent danger ahead?

(Everyone says accidents happen in slow motion, so it just has to be primitive man’s trigger signal for FEAR!!!)

I was both lucky and unlucky, lucky I avoided serious injury, perhaps unlucky that the sharp jolt to my neck, a whiplash of my spine perhaps causing an epileptic seizure months later, perhaps a mere coincidence or resultant brain injury.

Either way that was the second of my nine lives used up.

So that’s two close calls that have sharpened my mind tonight and moments I’ll most probably remember till the day I die, and without sifting my tired late evening brain still further, I’m sure there’ll be other close calls……………. only a shame I cannot remember being near suffocated to death with a knicker-less vagina sat on my face and me unable to breath, now if one’s time is up I can think of worse ways to die! 

Alas not 😦 though I have a facesitting tale to tell.

Joking apart I have one overriding memory of one particular day where I know for certain I came close to dying, as an age twenty-nine year old man holidaying in the Greek Islands I suffered an epileptic seizure whilst swimming in the sea, and quite by luck and chance I recognised trigger warning signals secreted into my mind’s consciousness, dragged myself from the cold Mediterranean sea only to fall onto my back on the shorelines and experience a seizure laying in two inches of seawater.

Again I can recall this frantically panicked memory as if I was staring at photos clasped in my hand, I remember the bright sun in the sky, I remember being at all times lucidly conscious but most of all I remember cold seawater lapping around my two cheeks and thinking ‘if water enters my mouth then it’s all over!’ If I’d heeded the trigger warning seconds later, if I’d stumbled on sharp stones as I pulled my body to the shoreline I would have fallen in four inches water instead of two, and being as there was no persons close by I could have……………. well………….. you know………… died all because of a wasted two seconds.

Young children are totally oblivious to danger yes they live without fears or seeing danger, but it’s only as adults that we realise tragic accidents can and do happen at the most unsuspecting of times, and thinking back over my life I think my Grandmother was most attuned at spotting possible dangers her Grandchildren were close to, I sensed her caring worry many times and it’s only later in life that I realised one tragic past event possibly altered her perception of what’s dangerous forever.

Mind you her constant nannying near drove me exasperatingly bonkers, but now I understand why, my age gifts me a wisdom carefree children just have no comprehension of UNTIL experiences have taught them to carefully assess a situation of all possible risks!

(If you never fall how will you ever learn falling hurts? With the moral being don’t play a game of chicken in the path of a train!)

So yes I’ve had close calls and been both lucky and unlucky in life but I’ll often remember back to my seizure in Greek seas as the closest I’ve come to dying, I’m NOT being macabre for effect, I don’t think it hurts to occasionally stop and contemplate mortality if only for a second.

I’d guess you’ve experienced moments in your own lives that were a little tooo close for comfort!!!

 

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Dana the Romanian masseuse (NSFW)

I didn’t finish my intended Friday’s post, so instead I’m going to reblog a (favourite) tale I first published September 2018…………. however before I begin you’ll need to be reminded what a Happy Ending is, it helps my narrative (also brings to a close my Topic for the week, some may say “thank goodness”).

Urban Dictionary defines ‘Happy Ending’ thus: ‘When a masseuse feels inclined to finish your session with oral sex or manual release’…………… and forget the word inclined that’s what I paid her to do! 

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Fictional or non fictional this is a favourite story.

One blustery autumn afternoon in late September, a few months ago now! You’d have found me laying naked on my back, not a stitch of clothing on my body, my legs wide apart and a Romanian lady by the name of ‘Dana’ kneeling before me, a truly beautiful gorgeous lady gazing down upon me, a delicious wicked smile across her face oh and the reddest glossiest lipstick you ever did see.

“Do you enjoy giving gentleman hand relief?” I enquired,

And when you ‘come’ to think of it massaging a male client’s back muscles with dextrous skilful fingertips, finishing the massage with one hand gently curled around his erection and gently rolling his testicles between thumb and finger with the other, has to be one of the strangest occupations ever!

“Yes I do honey”,

Dana answered with a wicked grin, her lubricated right hand rhythmically stroking my love length and circling my purple helmet with warming palms, the joyous tingles and pleasurable sensations coursing from the tip of my penis down to my groin are near indescribable………… only men understand how gorgeous and beautiful those stimulated nerve endings alter his mind, his breath quickens, his hardness bucks and pulses as he draws ever closer to climax.

I once gleaned from secretive Dana where she’d learnt her gift for massage with an erotic twist from? She said after arriving in Britain as an economic migrant, earning money to pay for a deposit on land back in her native Romanian village, she first stayed with a friend in Birmingham but had no job, no income! Then one day her flatmate suggest they both rent a bedroom, advertise ‘certain services’ on an adult website, both working giving intimate Swedish massages…………. massage ‘services’ you’ll not find on your average Town’s High Street.

Well fast forward her tale several years and Dana rented a bottom floor box bedroom within a back street terraced house in a part of Oxford, a place where you’ll not leave your car unattended………….. put it this way if you did, your car wouldn’t be there when you returned!!!

I’d better shorten my winding complicated tale because you all lead busy lives, just understand whilst surfing the net one evening I happened across this LEGAL adult website giving intimate massages, phoned the mobile number hoping I was speaking to the lady in the photographs and well I became her 4 o’clock afternoon appointment that same day.

You’ll all know by now I’m an honest guy, well the website is legal, the ladies are over age 18 and working independently of their own accord and incidentally Dana stresses she gives no sexual services………… which means neither penetration or felatio……… shame really because as I gazed into her eyes I didn’t half fancy a blowjob!

Well I travelled by bus to Oxford, found my way to the given name of the street, texted her for the house number at 3.55pm, then upon reaching the address told her my name through the intercom beside the front door. A buzzing sound came from said door lock and there standing in the hallway was one of the most beautiful young ladies I have ever seen in my life, slim gorgeous with a beautiful smile and warm becoming blue eyes.

I introduced myself and yes she was even more beautiful than her photos suggested, then followed her through one of the many doors into a dimly lit warm and cosy bedroom………..virtually absent of furniture other than a single bed with duvet, centrally heated, carpeted, very clean and extremely tasteful.

I handed Dana the advertised price and then stood there near speechless looking like a complete and utter lemon wondering what to do next? Until she said,

“Well take your clothes off!”

“All of them?” I rather lamely answered she must have though ‘Jesus I’ve a right one here!’

“Yes all of them honey” she said laughing now, “then take a shower” glancing past me toward an even SMALLER side room (wardrobe) no bigger than a shower cubicle………… err that’s what the cupboard was!

So, and writing here and now this anecdote still makes me laugh, Dana stood there in her fishnet stockings, latex high waisted tight fitting hot pants (no knickers hold that thought!) also a black bralette revealing two of the most exquisitely shaped high round breasts you ever did see, I’m still smiling because this lady I’d known for sixty seconds stood but a metre close to me inside this tiny bedroom, and I near felt her burning gaze as I slipped down my boxer shorts, I glanced up and yes she was appraising my ‘bits and pieces’ ………… now just be aware I’m a clean bunny who was freshly showered wearing clean underwear, but as instructed I took a shower after being handed a fluffy soft towel.

(Why are Hotel towels always white?)

I ought to admit at this point I’ve had the pleasure of meeting Dana one time several years ago, she gave me a finger in the ass prostate tickle but as the days past afterward, I decided the service wasn’t for me…………… yes one for the bucket list but I didn’t enjoy it!

Well now I’m laying naked on her bed face down, a clean towel spread lengthways along the spongy quilt, arms down by my side then Dana places herself sitting on the tops of my legs, her two thighs either side my own and truth be told in a VERY firm vice like grip. Both Dana and I now comfortable I hear her squirt massaging oils into one hand from a bottle, then she began to push her hands deep into the small of my back, gliding them along my spine around my shoulders and all I can say is if you’ve never experienced warm skilful fingers work their magic on tired tight muscles, especially around the shoulders, if you haven’t then omg you haven’t lived! I will add Dana finger’s kneaded pushed and pulled tense muscles but not to worry she brought a true tingling warmth into my skin…………. btw I felt fabulous afterward!

And all the while we chatted about BREXIT, yes you did read right, she’s a working migrant from Romania! I talked about my family, we discussed Oxford architecture and I soon discovered Dana was witty personable friendly qualities you ascertain within minutes of meeting someone new, Dana is an intelligent young lady, then after 15 glorious minutes had passed rather abruptly she said,

“Now turn over!” Having first moved to one side, followed by a firmly spoken, “spread your legs wide!”

“Wider!!”

Dutifully I ‘widened’ presenting my bits and pieces in what was a rather precarious position, with Dana finally sitting her bum on her thighs kneeling close between them, and omg you just have to know this goddess of a lady was so beautiful with the prettiest sweetest smile you ever did see……………. and a wicked gleam in her eyes! Like I said she enjoyed jerking men off, maybe the thrill for her was being in control and dominating a man, or perhaps giving hand relief is just a fun way to pay the gas bill? Either way it’s times like these that I’ve never felt more alive.

Dana now wearing a pair of delicate latex gloves from a box, slips them on, cups my testicle sack with the palm of her left hand and curls lubricated fingers around the shaft of my penis with the other, oh and I forgot to add I’ve rarely been so hard erect and engorged before. I’d guess staring at her gorgeous boobs and plunging cleavage was the reason for that…….. oh as for knowing she wore no knickers! Well put it this way slightly parted thighs and tightly fitting hotpants revealed all!!

I should say at this point do I really need to graphically explain the process of hand relief? Men of course understand the ‘process’ and I’d guess all women have serviced a partner, anyways all I will add is Dana possessed a skilful technique she described as luxurious (it was!) Well she worked her dextrous magic, my penis bucking as I’m brought to climax then bingo she directs a stream of warm semen across my stomach……………. any men reading appreciate the joyous heavenly pleasure.

(And with boobs as exquisite as those two you’ll appreciate I even impressed myself!)

So there you are the Swedish massage with intimate ‘happy ending’, and for any ladies reading all I can say is if you’re in search of a well paid fun occupation, you could do worse than train as a masseuse…………….. oh and I forgot to say Dana’s Birmingham flatmate gave her the confidence and now she gives ‘happy endings’ for a living!!!

©A. Shepherdson 2018

Boutique Mannequins modelling underwear (Thursday)

(My apologies for not publishing my NSFW post yesterday, I went out for a lovely meal with three retirees I used to work with so I’ll post another time.)

Thursday 14th of February and of course Valentine’s Day, so if you’ve been following this week’s daily postings you’ll be aware the topic that weaves them all together (well hopefully) is women’s lingerie, jeeze even surprises me how my overactive imagination works sometimes. All good fun 🙂 .

Ok I know I’m a bit odd, stop nodding you’re not supposed to agree! And YES I did take those photographs above earlier this week, “why so Andrew?” Well today I’m asking myself, could a guy be prosecuted for indecent assault, you know if he was to ‘touch up’ a Department Store clothing mannequin when ‘she’s’ wearing sexy underwear? 

No I didn’t but I can’t say I wasn’t tempted!

All this past week after alighting from my commuter bus in the centre of Oxford, I pass these three on the way to work, but because our early mornings are still dark dazzling halogen spotlights almost bring them alive, in fact on the first morning they caught my eye and I had to do a ‘double-take’ they are that realistic……………. I should add being as it’s nearly Valentines Day there are many more displays similar to this, AND what’s with ALL these plastic models being six feet tall, slender and size 8 figures, what’s wrong with size 14 women gifted with child bearing hips and 34DD busts?

Good question no?

So begs the question, in the minds of the window dressers who are they actually trying to appeal to? Is it men so as they’ll buy sweet nothings for their significant other? Or women so that they can wear something sexy to excite and turn their man on? Not forgetting those confused women in lesbian relationships…………… no NO when I say confused I mean they’re both buying for both themselves also their partners……….. phew that was close! And I dare not mention we have skirt wearing Transsexuals at my place of work.

(I’m saying absolutely nothing, be true unto yourself that’s what I say)

So now I’m wondering can a sexy lingerie wearing shop mannequin ever be considered indecent? I’m absolutely convinced many Muslim men will find those three ‘women’ pictured above offensive, recently London Underground had to remove posters of models wearing brassieres because questions had been asked, I’d guess there’d been a social media sh#t storm or women’s Groups had asked why women’s bodies were being sexually objectified?…………. Jeez goodness knows what feminists would make of some of the posts on this blog.

However readers should be aware by now I adore women and am also a feminist, heavens we even have female engineering apprentices at work and why not, the days of girls only doing sewing and cookery at school and boys doing metalwork are long gone, and as it should be. Being serious for a second, and note I have addressed this topic before, #MeToo has changed Britain for the better because I’ve noticed men take a great deal more care with their language opinions and banter when around women.

Where was I? Oh yes me earlier today standing in the entrance to Debenhams department store taking photographs, I double checked to see no one was watching but no doubt I was being watched by their CCTV cameras, and I’ve just had a thought that’ll be twice now! (long story) So no I didn’t touch these three tasty plastic models up but they didn’t half look sexy, I guess that answer’s my earlier question doesn’t it, that women’s lingerie is purchased for their partner’s enjoyment…………… yes?

Discuss 😀 .

Before I leave you, this’ll be the first Valentine’s Day in 58 years that my dad hasn’t purchased a loving card for my mum 😦 . Isn’t memory robbing dementia is a wicked medical condition, I doubt he has any comprehension of what being married actually means? I’d guess in his own little world mum is now just a person who is always around the house at his ‘beck and call’, all terribly sad.

Anyways just so as to redress any perceived sexist imbalance, there’s not this is just for fun, but if anyone is unhappy here’s a photo whether you be straight or gay.

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Now I’m not gay but he is pretty fit!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day.

 

A. Shepherdson 2019

“Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!” (True story Tuesday)

You should know me by now! I’m a fascinated observer of the female human mamal, anything wrong in that?

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So with this week’s blog topic in mind, daily posts themed around women’s lingerie, I’m going to raise the tone of this ‘blog’ and write a post about yes women’s underwear, a tale prompted by mistakenly finding myself on ‘Marks and Spencer’s’ floor devoted to women’s undergarments…….. if you’ve never heard of M&S all you need to understand is 70% of women buy their underwear here, with Oxford’s Branch having half a floor devoted solely to this most Holy of intimate garment, seriously a cavernous expanse of delicate lingerie hanging in aisles interspersed by the occasional size 8 mannequin, dolled up in err……….. well use your imagination please!

Whatever the age M&S is Britain’s go to knicker store.

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And yes that is ‘Camilla Windsor’ being shown around M&S’s lingerie department!

When one descends the escalator within Oxford’s Debenhams department store, from top floor down to level number three, a traveller aboard this slow travelling walkway will invariably pass by ladies with a thoughtful expression etched across their brow and holding up some delicate garment of lingerie to the light. She’s of course deeply concentrated wondering whether this bra or pair knickers will look good on her figure, does she like the colour and of course most importantly of all whether purchasing is worth the asking price? Perhaps contemplating trying it on before going home and buying it a third off from Amazon? 

Yes? No? Please don’t answer………… and do people do this? I mean use a store only to test goods out? I hope not, I’m now very conscious of trying to buy what I need on the High Street or Mall, because  disappearing Town centres are often the heart of a community and they do provide jobs.

As an aside, Jeff Bezos Amazon has a one trillion dollar turnover, to me that stinks of a great many City centre shops having to close and many many thousand of workers having lost their jobs, PLUS he pays very little tax instead funnelling British online purchases through offices in Luxembourg…………. frigging hell man, at least pay the taxes you owe!!

Where was I before sidestepping into an angry rant, oh yes women purchasing their underwear! Actually if I wasn’t a skilled engineer I’d like to work in a lingerie department just to stand and watch these err sexy goings on, in fact I’d work for free!! Just imagine handling these pretty pieces of cloth ALL day long, mind you I’d stop at any ideas of helping out in the bra fitting rooms, sorry but that’s just plain creepy!

Jeez my train of consciousness even takes me back sometimes!

Where was I? Riding escalators observing women buy their underwear, and no I don’t return straight up to the top floor so as I can watch these ladies on the return journey down again, jeeze that would be just plain creepy (again) hmm would be fun though, even pressing that emergency red button that stops accidents from happening, err hasn’t 😀 ever crossed my mind!

However walking through Marks and Spencer’s first floor lingerie department in Oxford UK, is a WHOLE lot more emotionally nerve-racking, truly, at this point you may be perhaps thinking ‘A. Shepherdson pray why are you looking at women’s underwear?’ No NO I don’t wear lingerie, no if you need to return an item purchased, in order to reach ‘Returns Exchanges and Refunds’ situated at the rear of Floor 1, you have to walk through yes this gigantic expanse full of women’s underwear, rows and rows of it! Slightly disconcerting actually brushing past lacy pink twinsets, a sight captured by the corner of my eye because I’m not looking.

M&S’s underwear department used to be on the ground floor, to be more exact in front of the entrance to the food hall, then one time I had to take an unwanted item back, made for Returns on first floor, and there facing me is a retail cathedral space dedicated to just lingerie, I actually froze my feet unable to walk! They’d gone and redesigned the interior of the shop hadn’t they! In a state of near panic I walked up to a young lady dressed in black with her back to me, reaching to hang up a garment or take it down and asked her,

“Excuse me Miss, can you tell me where the Return’s counter is?”

This brunette young woman turned around, as startled as I was and no older than sixteen, well I ask you how was I to know this tall girl was a mere teenager? Jeez we all make honest mistakes, well her cheeks blushed and she nervously answered,

“Sorry I don’t work here”, and then her eyes quickly darted sideways to look at someone now standing beside me, I also turned to this person now stalking its prey, ME a single guy speaking with her daughter, and who did I see? Yes a middle aged woman and by the look of her quite obviously the young girl’s mother, well you can tell can’t you! The mother slightly taken aback then burst out laughing before saying,

“She doesn’t work for Marks and Spencer’s” and btw now smiling,

So I quickly replied “Oh no! Sorry I mistook her for a salesperson?” The mother laughed again saying “no worries” and I quickly turned and made for an exit, talk about embarrassing! Anyways I returned to the Store hours later, asked an actual member of staff this time for directions, and yes they’d moved Returns to way behind those racks of hanging underwear.

Yes a misunderstanding all around, omg I’m closer to the end than the beginning, my heart cannot take mild shocks like it use to!

Hmm amuses me still how nervous I get walking through a ladies underwear department, do all men feel this way? I guess subconsciously I’ll think back to the women I’ve undressed or watched undress, and yes like I said earlier while in Debenhams, I am amused watching women perusing selecting touching and holding towards bright fluorescent lights their soon to be purchased delicates! 

Anyways not to worry they both had a laugh at my expense, the mother seemed to think the mistaken identity absolutely hilarious? And I can imagine the daughter saying later “Do I look like I’m dressed as a shop worker for heaven’s sake?” But jeez you do have to be careful asking customers questions inside underwear departments, don’t you? Or are we men becoming slightly paranoid #MeToo fallout and all.

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Now I’m aware Superman wears his shorts on the outside but do women wear knickers on top of a pair of leggings? Or were they dressed by a guy 😀 !!

(I’ve thought about this seemingly inconsequential tale many times, a completely absurd scenario but what always confuses me is why this mother burst out into uncontrollable laughter? Perhaps I looked more startled than I ever assumed, or is the reason little more complicated than a ‘mummy bear looking out for her offspring bear cub? Funny old day.) 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 (with Googled photographs not my own)

 

 

 

 

‘That sacred spot of blissful heaven’ (Erotic Monday)

If you’ve happened to read yesterday’s post, you’ll know all the five days this week I am writing a tale flash fiction or whatever on the theme of women’s lingerie, don’t ask why perhaps I’m just odd that way……………….. incidentally the ‘publishing’ sequence has changed, or in other words that’s the story of my WordPress. 

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Laying beside Karolina two Saturdays ago I don’t think I’ve felt happier in a long while, my lady’s aged 50 and extremely passionate, an amusing conversationalist if a little hard to follow as she’s from Poland, but not to worry she’s an extremely sexy lady, in fact my idea of a dream woman, and I know having a lady stick her tongue deep inside your mouth while kissing sounds a little ahem icky! But it really is sensuous and divine.

So where are we two aged lovers to be found? Me a fifty something who wears glasses when having sex, also Karolina with her dodgy knee that locks up meaning she has to clamber off the bed to give creaking joints a stretch! No arthritis just ‘ole mother time’ creeping up and don’t you find older women are more grateful of a guys romantic advances, not desperate for attention, no just content to be loved for who they are, no spring chicken and all, oh and fucked hard by a guy who prefers his sexual animal to be a woman of more mature years.

Where are we? Inside a Travelodge Inn alongside a busy A34 dual carriageway, a bedroom to be more exact, I’d guess American’s would call this establishment a Motel for lonely individuals driving monotonous ashen gray motorways in need of a cheap place to sleep of a night.

Our room is in pitch darkness apart from a shaft of bright light shining from the wardrobe bathroom, the temperature’s boiling as Motels often are and Karolina’s laying on our bed gazing at the ceiling with me close by her side, so close I’m all but cuddling with my body touching hers from my chest to my toes, snuggled in tightly, my six inch hardened dick resting atop her thigh and bucking bouncing off her skin to the beat of a drum, physiologically connected to the blood pumping through my heart.

Yes I do love her, my arm resting on her tummy a hand slipped inside her burgundy panties, the same exact colour as a good claret of wine. I’m not looking at her lingerie briefs though with two digit fingers gently sliding back and forth through the parted lips of her wet kitty, sweeter than wine and bare of all pubic hair but for a small stubbly patch on her mons pubis, lol there’s a medical term you don’t hear often! 

So do I miss that teenage pubic bush weeded out over the ravages of time? They’re kinda fun to run finger’s through or admire in the shower, a mop of brunette coloured hair dripping and wet.

With my fingertips doing all the talking below, my gaze is drawn to Karolina’s chest raising with every breath sipped in, two high round breasts nestling beneath her claret shaded bra cups, with its swirling patterns of lace matching the panties and my busy fingers inside, but hold on subconsciously my sexually aroused mind has control of my fingers without me knowing, playing a fiddle all by their own now pressed against her clit and dragging her intimate skin in small circles, the curtains of her labia lips now drawn tightly closed.

Then faintly audible to my ear, hardly noticeable within our church hushed boudoir, I heard the quietist whisper you ever did hear, Karolina with her eyes tightly closed, purred a softly spoken,

“Oh My God!”

Do you know if I’d cleared my throat or been distracted by noise outside I would have missed it!

She quiet startled me actually though not a muscle in my body responded to Karolina’s almost joyous incredulity, with my imagination pricked alive I suddenly realised my circling fingertips had touched a spot so sacred, nerve endings so excited by pleasure giving chemicals flooding her brain, a cocktail altering her mind, that for those few two seconds in time Karolina had been whisked to a blissful heaven itself.

(……………. and tomorrow, “Holy crap I’m on the bra and knickers Floor!”)

©A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Why bother Voting when you live in a corrupt Democracy

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Suffragettes in London

I haven’t voted in British Politics since losing the referendum vote in early 2016, the infamous vote to leave the EU in other words Brexit!

No I’ve not cast my electoral vote in either a By-Election, General Election or West Oxfordshire District Council elections for the simple reason I am finished with British Party Politics, and no I’m not particularly proud to make such a sweeping statement but after the lies that have been spun to we the people, I’d suggest it would be wrong to Vote.

Can a political system be considered that corrupt that’s in fact wrong to cast a Vote?

Remembering back to 2016, I cannot recall David Cameron saying we were potentially going to leave the EU in his Campaign speeches, he cleverly omitted that catastrophe and omg look where we are now about to crash out of Europe! The seventeen million citizens who voted to Remain are treated by our Political leaders as though we don’t exist, vilified by the Far Right as trouble makers in fact we’re treated with contemptuous withering distain and our voices certainly never listened to, whatever your opinions of Britain it certainly is not a free and fair democracy.

Vote for the opposition Parties instead I hear you say? Labour is just as weak and incompetent as the Conservatives, so no I don’t intend to Vote in an official party election ever again and being as I can be a bloody minded ‘so and so’, I expect myself to keep my word.

Ahh but some commenters will suggest, “if you do not Vote then you wave your right to debate and discuss Politics” well that’s utter bs (in my humble opinion!) Previous generations have created a political system where the stupid masses (and that includes me) have been asked to vote on an issue they neither understand or were given the truthful facts about to begin with from its Government………… in fact I agree with Sir Alan Sugar when he said Gove, Rees-Mogg and Johnson should be in jail for the lies they have told.

So no I won’t Vote again in British elections, however I will play my role in fighting against Political injustice and no I don’t mean I’ll be throwing rocks or fire bombs in the Street (hmm then again) I’ll not be party to any physical violence, however I do intend to join the Vote Remain marches that are being planned for this forthcoming summer, I doubt they’ll change policies but at the least marching is a protest. The last demonstration march I took part in was the late eighties when Margaret Thatcher announced the closure of many deep coal mining Pits.

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And I’ve ALWAYS prided myself on this being a drama free WordPress! Therefore my next post won’t be Brexit related, how does a light hearted fun post sound?

©A. Shepherdson

I’ve been betrayed by my own Government

BREXIT thoughts, I wonder what I’ll make of this post when I reread it after Brexit day?

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2016 and Vote Leave’s ‘bloody’ red Bus! Reads like a sick joke in 2019

A coup d’état (def) is a sudden overthrow of a government usually by a small group of persons in positions of authority………. certainly feels like I’m living through one.

Today at Work the email (below) appeared in my Inbox, perhaps I shouldn’t share it on a Blog but I’m going to anyway, well an excerpt at least.

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I am pleased I was sitting down when reading the Vice Chancellor’s passage, ‘Extraordinary as it seems, the prospect of Britain leaving the EU without an agreement has become more real in the past few weeks’, the iconic phrase ‘sending cold shivers down spines’ is much overused but not in this case, actually I tell a lie I’m unsure how I managed not to burst into tears! I don’t think I’ve felt such despair in my life before, for the first time in nearly three years I think we’re going to Leave Europe without a (bad) Deal.

I fear I have to agree with our Vice Chancellor, this past two weeks Brexit politics inside the Houses of Parliament has turned nasty, hateful, the worst I have ever known…………. I’m truly running out to describe how toxic this debate has become, in truth I’ve slowly reached an awful realisation, for the first time because I used to be an optimist by nature, yes I’m beginning to believe we’re going to crash out of the EU without a Deal yet I’ve still the nagging question will the EU actually allow this to happen?

We are entering the political end game, the EU says it will not reopen negotiations and Parliament will not budge over The Irish Backstop, stalemate, brinkmanship, the only other option is to extend the Brexit process by three months but NO ONE wants to see that happen, we’ll only be at the same point come June.

What then? Another three months?

But ever the optimist again I return to my question will the EU allow Britain to crash out without a Deal? There’s no doubt whatsoever we WILL descend into civil disorder and who knows how bad that could be, throughout history many countries have spiralled into revolutions once food becomes scarce, UK supermarket shelves emptying of bread and milk will cause panic, hospitals without drugs and medicines means people will die, and what if angry distraught upset relatives begin destroying hospital wards in search of medical supplies because their loved ones are dying?

Yes we’re entering the game, either MP’s or EU bureaucrats have to backdown or we are about Exit absent of a Deal and possibly the complete destruction of Britain itself, even the beginning of a European recession and worst of all we’ve been lied and lied to.

Donald Tusk was correct today, David Cameron in 2016 offered the Country a Referendum without setting in place an Exit plan prepared and ready to go, he set in motion a coup d’état which is now unstoppable.

(Finally, in my previous post I stated I dislike bloggers who didn’t reply to a comment, forget that piece of opinionated nonsense, perhaps the comments that are written just aren’t worthy of a reply 🙂 )

A. Shepherdson 2019

 

150 posts published and a Challenge for you?

I’ve never set a Challenge before, but perhaps my Q’s could prompt a response.

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Our Lucy, perhaps one day I’ll be in a position to buy my own border collie pup

Yes 150 posts down and pretty near to my starting day March 10th 2018, I’ve been hanging around this internet backwater for eleven months now. So this evening I’m going to break a rule and write a blog about blogging, a rule? Yes I remember reading this just isn’t the done thing so I’ve adapted it to a Challenge.

A. Shepherdson’s 10 ‘blogging’ Questions.

1. My favourite blogs to read?

That would be unfair to divulge, all I will say is and honestly this has happened solely by chance, I err appear to only follow middle aged female writers! I know strange or what, I’d guess I’m subconsciously attempting to understand how a woman’s mind works?

2. Has writing been mentally good for you?

Most certainly yes, writing for me is a challenge I’ve suffered from depression and the process makes me feel good, btw many drafts are binned during that process, I understand I’m amongst far more talented writers than myself, many of my posts begin short and invariably finish 1000 words long 😦 , but I enjoy the challenge also the near orgasmic satisfaction as I strike that pink button in the top right hand corner which always used to be blue? 

3. What do you enjoy about WordPress? 

The freedom to write about whatever I wish, captures my imagination, or would hopefully be interesting to a reader and every post is original and written by myself, ok I steal borrow many photos from the internet, but I don’t make money here so I’d say ‘borrowing’ is ok? Perhaps not, but it WOULD be wrong if money changed hands which never will.

Following bloggers who’s writing speaks to me, touches me or is just plain right entertaining and of course perhaps most of all I enjoy interacting with other writers, some of which you get to know ‘blogging well’ through commenting and replying, that’s why we’re here isn’t it? To interact, write responses and take part in challenges, what’s the point ‘publishing’ something then clearing off to do something else.

4. Is there anything you dislike about WordPress? 

Easy, bloggers who make a point of stating they do not read blog post on WordPress period! Now I guess there’s no harm in that, but that distain seems so rude, well my answer to you lol is I’m not reading what YOU have to say, oh and not forgetting bloggers who don’t to reply to readers comments, seems very odd?………. Ok I’m being a little precious this evening but not to worry. 

5. Most bizarre blogging moment

This is again possibly easier to explain than you’d first imagine. Many many months ago I met with a WordPress Blogger in person, all above board with personal lol safety precautions in place 😀 and an interesting enjoyable experience meeting the lady was to!

This answer to number 5 is a post within itself, so briefly cutting a long story short we got chatting as you do both commenting and replying to each other’s blog posts, decided to go the step further and actually meet, so one summer’s afternoon I travelled to her home Town by Train, the lady met me at the Station greeting me with a big hug, and yes she was a ‘naughty story’ blogger and her figure was as buxom as I’d been truthfully led to believe.

We spent a lovely day together, both single mature adults we got on famously and hardly stopped chatting all day, quite early one she texted a friend to say ‘don’t worry Andrew’s ok and everything was fine’, we purchased food, she drove us to a beautiful secluded spot in the countryside and we shared a picnic together, the two of us sat in a field alongside a canal with boats sailing past.

So there you are I guess there’s little more bizarre than Actually meeting with a serious writer you’ve met on the internet? And NO nothing untoward or naughty happened whatsoever………….. our day finished later that same afternoon when she drove me to the station, we hugged tightly on the platform kissed (she was lovely) said goodbye and well that’s my true story.

6. Where does blogging go to next?

I guess the worst that could happen to WordPress is if Governments across the Globe limited what content can be viewed in their Country or vice versa! I know the EU are currently dabbling in planned censorship but that has more to do with copyright infringement, I guess Legislation could force WordPress into censorship in much the same way Laws are beginning to limit the way Facebook operates, I hope not because WordPress is frequented by serious writers and well-balanced intelligent adults who are doing little worse than sharing their thoughts on-line. I could envisage in the future a time of more censorship and an end to sex blogs, that would be a shame but then again children can access WordPress, and for fear of labouring a point I very much doubt children are reading blogs because, well do children actually read anymore?

Yes WordPress will evolve and change, but I’d guess they’ll be well aware any whiff of censorship would ‘kill their Golden Goose’.

7. When will you finish?

Now through the process of reading other people’s blogs I know this is a question often on people’s minds, how long I’ll be here I have no idea? I guess two answers will be when I’m no longer enjoying myself and when readers cease liking viewing and commenting, oh and when I run dry of ideas! Yes I think I’ll stop if I’m aware people are bored or no longer read. Remember I write for myself but come on if we’re all honest we enjoy entertaining and making people smile…………… 😀 perhaps we’re the equivalent to nineteenth century circus performing monkey’s.

8. Would you like to be more popular?

I guess the honest answer is yes, but I do have a sense many people write here then link to their Twitter feed also Facebook circle of friends, I haven’t a Twitter and never will be ‘On Facebook’ consequently I’ll never be haha famous, so my honest answer is if something I’ve created makes a reader smile or think yes ‘he makes a point’ :/ , then honestly who can ask for more?

9. What has been your most popular post also why?

This question fascinates me, why are some posts more popular than others, and interrogating my viewing numbers also Countries who watch me, I have a sense my countryside photo posts are popular in places like India? And never ceases to surprise me a post I thought absolutely fantastic didn’t do so well in likes and views, yet a post I thought perhaps uninteresting actually did appear to be popular…….. I guess the saying ‘you pays your money and makes your choice’ applies.

The most popular? My tale themed Beautiful Helen from across the road a sexy story which is my number 1, possibly because the photo looks down a woman’s cleavage………….. only a thought but sex does sell.

10. Number 10?

You cannot have 9 questions to a list can you? There just has to be 10 or it looks odd! Hmm so let me think for a second, something out the ordinary, ok yes how’s about, ‘would you ever contemplate writing a sex blog?’ (Btw I’m NOT saying write one!!!)

Perhaps write your own (short) answers and link to this post? If not I hope you enjoyed my answers.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

Snowing in Oxfordshire

Ok I realise I said in an earlier post that I’m not going to share quite so many of my YouTube videos, but you should know be now, I change my mind nearly as much as the weather does……………. hmm a pretty clever timely analogy don’t you think?

Not to worry though 🙂 perhaps I should learn not to take myself tooo seriously, so below you can see the video uploaded just now swirling snow flurries and all! I filmed it 12 o’clock last night and hopefully also compliments the blog photographs I ‘snapped’ in the previous post click Panic buying in Tesco’s

A. Shepherdson 2019

Panic buying in Tesco’s!

(Btw Tesco’s is Britain’s leading budget Supermarket)

Yes as you can see by the photos below snow is falling in Oxfordshire, half past twelve last night I stood in the front door of my home (not outside cause I’d freeze wouldn’t I!) Photographing these four wintry suburban scenes, and I have to say the tablet captured those swirling snow flurries quite impressively?

Panic buying it happens every year and I don’t understand why? I guess human beings deep down are emotionally insecure and most definitely selfish animals, we worry and panic don’t we at the ever-so slightest hint of a disaster, people are even beginning to hoard food because of the prospect of a no deal Brexit for heaven’s sake, hmm :/ perhaps storing some tinned soup might not be a bad idea? Just in-case, saves starving in March.

That’s enough Brexit chat!

Where was I? Oh yes panic buying food from my Tesco’s around the corner, earlier this morning I ventured out into our -30 raging blizzard, that’s a lie it was 2 degrees and the snow was already thawing, walked the short way to the store only to see people streaming out the entrance pushing ‘trolley’s’ laden down with fruit veg and loaves of bread, wtf, what drives people to act this way? The snow will have cleared by Saturday and delivery lorries will be restocking the shelves by Sunday…………… I guess the answer is being prepared is both rational and irrational thinking in equal shares.

But being serious for a second panic buying is possibly on a lot of people’s minds at present, and most definitely Mrs May’s Government will be aware if food runs short, or out completely, they’ll almost definitely be rationing and possibly civil unrest! History teaches us in the midst of crisis ‘spivs’ (entrepreneurial human beings) will see this as an opportunity to make money, remember those wartime shady characters fuelling a thriving black market……………….. ok perhaps I’m being a little overdramatic for literary effect but major grocers warned this week of food shortages, finger’s crossed it never gets to this.

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A winter’s scene
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Swirling snowflakes captured beneath orange ‘housing estate’ lamplight
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I had to crop this one else you’ll be able to read the street sign and Google me. 😀 You may well laugh lol!

….…………… and below pictures taken this morning looking out my back kitchen door, THREE FRIGGING WHEELIE BINS for heavens sake! Not forgetting waste food caddies and black plastic boxes for glassware, my garden is little more than postage size refuge dump……….. ok I’m only joking, the food waste powers electricity making equipment, garden plants branches and organic cuttings are sent to be converted into compost, and anything else of use is recycled…………… at least human beings are being held accountable for the sheer quantity of household waste going into landfill!

Oh and the steel metal drum with a ‘donut ring’ shaped layer of snow on top is of course my upcycled washing machine ‘Firepit’…………. which I’ve still yet to use.

As for me I’ve taken a day off work and won’t be venturing out again. Stay safe 🙂 .

©A. Shepherdson 2019