Ray’s ‘ONE’ writing challenge

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Been a while since I’ve taken part in any writing challenge, some bloggers refer to these as Awards (never understood that one?) But I prefer the idea challenges are answering cool questions with honest personal answers, they’re possibly more fun writing than reading but fun all the same, like I said Victoria’s dreamt up an interesting 11 Q’s. 

1. One person who inspired you? Honestly I really struggled with this one, my brother? No perhaps more truthfully my mother, she’s the bedrock of our family where no problem is insurmountable, and within minutes of speaking with a total stranger I’m in awe of her ability to appear that they’d been good friends for years, I was incredulous watching her at 12 as I am now at 50.
 
2. One moment that changed the course of your life? Age 16 opening the letter from an engineering firm offering me a four year toolmaking apprenticeship, truly the happiest four years of my life AND I was paid a wage to learn skills I still enjoy using today, not forgetting those friendships with thirty other young men my age, their laughter, humour, comradery and bullshit tales……. happy days.
 
3. One thing that you would change about yourself, your life, the world 

About myself? Better able to chat up women, truly I’m ok once in bed with them.

About my life? I’d do anything not to be living in a Country engulphed by a chaotic political madness known as BREXIT……….. the fallout will define the way I live until the day I die, thanks a bunch David Cameron you asshole!

The World? The honest answer is I’m weary and perhaps I’ve given up a little (Brexit is that bad), I’ve had enough of the constant bombardment of bad news, no horrific tragic news stories and wish the World never let them happen…………. A close relative many years ago committed suicide, still affects me now and perhaps will the more I get older?

4. One hero/heroine from past/or present? Easy, Elizabeth I, for some reason her reign captures my imagination more than any other person, I visited ‘The Tower’ last year, I remember climbing the spiral stone steps within on of the confined claustrophobic towers thinking to myself, ‘I am walking in the exact same steps as Elizabeth’, sounds pretentious? No completely true.
 
5. One cultural recommendation (film, book, song, painting)?

Film? As of now, Roman Polanski’s Tess of the d’Urbervilles, one afternoon our O level English literature class went to watch a screening at the cinema, a gorgeous beautiful film that blew me away and also regrettably the ONLY thing I can remember from two years of studying English Literature! I’m a late bloomer.

Book? Easy! ‘A Christmas Carol’ by Charles Dickens, without fail I read this ‘Ghostly Tale’ no earlier than two day’s before Christmas day, AND without fail I begin reading feeling like ‘oh no not again, do I have to? I know this story err like the back of my hand!’ HOWEVER by the finish of page 1, a gem of a beginning where Dickens has without question convinced the reader Marley is dead as a doornail that I am well and truly hooked (if you don’t believe he’s dead then the tale is un-believable). ‘A Christmas Carol’ is that good hence the many screen adaptations, yes reluctantly even the Muppet one. However the book is darker and more sinister than many might assume, the scene where Spirit three reveals to Scrooge HE is the dead man lying beneath the headstone is truly spine chilling……. Scrooge hadn’t suspected it was he after listening in to so many huddled conversations of people he’d known. So why read at Christmas? The ghostly tale is set at Christmas time therefore my own (now waning) excitement enriches the experience, but above all else throughout his book Dickens poses uncomfortable truths about my own failings prejudices, I haven’t given enough to charity that past year, I could have been more generous of spirit, ‘aren’t there tooo many children born into the world?’ ‘I pay my taxes so are there not enough workhouses to house the poor?’…………. a brilliant little book.

Btw I enjoy the concept of reading Hardy, but alas his novels get the better of me apart from his book of short stories………. hmm I think I have a short attention spans but I’m improving.

Song? Honestly Changes by the minute or the hour, I enjoy listening to BBC Radio 2 and I’m more than happy with their selections………. ‘The Sweetest Thing’ by U2 perhaps.

Painting? A day spent wandering around Tate Britain looking at paintings is my idea of a great ‘arty’ day, I know not a jot about art but I get satisfaction from looking at a painting that emotionally touches my heart and soul…………. pretentious? No we all enjoy art that speaks to us.

6. One challenge the world is facing? According to David Attenborough human extinction! This natural history guru expert and genius just days ago said mankind is facing extinction and I fear he may be correct.

7. One great thing that we have achieved? Sending a man to the moon, have him walk about its surface then returning him home safely again, I look at the moon through my telescope with awe and wonder because visiting seems so conceptually fantastical, in fact I near cannot believe it happened but I know America did, well done America.

8. One regret? I miss all four of my Grandparents still to this day, my mother married very young so I was blessed to be around them well into my thirties (we all live to a minimum of age83 in our family), perhaps mum’s father most of all, he took me to games of cricket as a child then years later I accompanied him as an old gentleman…………… wonderful happy days.

9. One nugget of advice for humanity? For Christ’s sake learn how to Govern yourselves with intelligence humanity and humility, devoid of greed avarice and selfishness, happily pay yourselves exactly the same wages, provide free healthcare and education for everyone……. ffs the list goes on and on!
 
10. One alternative career path you might have chosen? If I hadn’t been fortunate with gaining a toolmaking apprenticeship I’d like to have trained as an electrician, then again several years ago I happened across a genuine adult film company website, they were advertising lol for amateur male Pornstars………… no seriously, ordinary men were invited to apply sending a photo, you’d assemble at a hotel, the ONLY professionals were female porn models and well you get the idea!!!………. Ok I never ever seriously contemplated applying geez what if my mother had found out, also it’s disgustingy sordid and seedy but the temptation was definitely there, should I/would I is quite a moral dilemma? Lol ok I wasn’t tempted and then there’s the questions could I remain hard for 2hours and is six inches enough?

11. One thing that you could do better, but you don’t? Live a little.

Enjoyed answering.

©A. Shepherdson 2019

So Absurd It Must Be True

So guess what popped through my letterbox today? Yes, he says gazing at the photos below, I’d received my slim shiny package from Amazon Prime, which upon opening contained a purchased copy of ‘So Absurd It Must Be True’ penned by authoress Victoria Ray…………………. Now please hold that thought and I’ll reveal all later!

I’ve written tales, shared photographs thoughts and opinions on this my WordPress, however I haven’t written a book review before, a little daunting actually, so who better to describe her own book ‘So Absurd It Must Be True’ than the author herself, with text stolen borrowed from Amazon bookstore itself.

‘The “must have” book of the year!

One day it will all make sense to you…until then…grab the book to feed the good monster inside you.

As you turn the pages of Victoria Ray’s debut book, you’ll realize, once again, that the mix of humor, erotica and sci-fi is always the best medicine and that absurd things happen all the time, such as:

-A father of nine, who, on Valentine’s Day, is forced to have sex with every woman he meets
-A crazy producer with 50 phobias, one of which is his last name
-An author of an unfinished book, spending his days in fear of Mr. Best Seller, pancakes, his wife’s breasts and running
-A trip to a place called Escape, where a divorced woman, Mrs. Bouncy Tits, is surrounded only by hot men – until her last breath

The heaven of all absurd and bizarre is awaiting you on the pages of this book! When we see something strange, we immediately start thinking! Anything weird or odd activates our brains! These 42 strange stories are mind opening and will not only make you smile but will also make you think.

Are you ready to engulf yourself in some odd, silly and dirty tales that will make you smile?

Remember, these are adult stories, so share only with your mature friends!

So returning to that captured thought of yours, who is Victoria Ray you may ask? Well let me begin by saying how many of you reading here now have dreamed of writing a book? I follow many bloggers who at some point will share they’ve written a book, are in the process of writing a book or more often than not are part of a writing circle. Well Victoria Ray is one such WordPress blogger I’ve followed for this past 8 months and YES ‘So Absurd It Must Be True’ is the lady’s debut published book.

At some point we all dream of becoming a published author don’t we? Giving the reader a physical copy of their own stories tales or perhaps poetry, but very few persevere through sheer hard work to make the dream a reality, because from following Victoria’s blog I appreciate it’s a labour of love and definitely not for the faint hearted.

So I’ve opened my pristine virgin copy, dipped inside and yes Victoria tales are naughty and for adults to read, with scenarios and settings whether Courtroom or Bakery that are amusing, most definitely sexy and yes slightly absurd ‘wet treasure’ and all ( 😉 an inside joke between two bloggers)………….. an ideal read on tomorrow’s bus commute into Oxford 🙂 .

Victoria I hope my independent personally written Review has been ok, more than a little exciting seeing as I actually know of the author, because I omitted to say I’ve also taken part in her picture writing challenges, and lol you’ll find those here on my WordPress.

A. Shepherdson 2019

Washing machine Review & ‘firepit’ saga (pt3/5)

Two Post today! But first an Update and a Review.

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My new washing Machine

Amazing how the absence of a camera lens (above) distorts photos taken by a tablet, I think I’ll stick with my £8 Fuji eBay purchase in future.

For those readers unfamiliar with my unforeseen washing machine saga series, I began by intending to show you how to replace a rubber seal on my 19 year old Bosch, I changed the part but the appliance never worked again? And the reason why wasn’t even my fault………. read here if you need to but lol I wouldn’t bother 😀 .

So I’ve given up any dreams of becoming an electrical appliance maintenance engineer, and instead decided to upcycle/convert the old washing machine drum into a fire pit/garden incinerator or better still BBQ, and please do read that post here. (Helps for later)

However before I write a ‘How To’ guide for making a drum firepit (remember upcycling means taking a defunct product and converting it into something usable) I thought I’d share a brief review of my new machine pictured above ABSENT OF AN ACCOMPANING YOUTUBE VIDEO!

(As an aside, WordPress is a haven for expressing yourself through the written word, so perhaps I shouldn’t post tooo many of my own YouTube videos here? Not to worry my ‘Blog’ features less than 1% video media.)

Now to my first product review, by that I mean a buyers first thoughts.

Where was I? Oh yes my review of something purchased, one day I’ll learn the art of keeping my thought processes on track!

As I’ve written before my previous Bosch washing machine lasted 19years, my Hotpoint Refrigerator finally died 18years ago and I’m writing not a jot about my Hotpoint Freezer for fear of tempting fate!!! Have I been lucky? I guess so yes, but don’t get me started with regurgitating my kitchen oven rant or I’ll be still here 1000 words later still spitting feathers.

I’d guess the maxim ‘you get what you pay for’ applies to everything in life, a Bosch appliance isn’t the cheapest to purchase however as we’re informed they’re built in Germany a Country that builds quality engineered products, alas unlike mine own which appears to manufacture very little these days but that’s a WHOLE different BREXIT story.

Early days! I’ve only used my new Bosch Vario Perfect Serie 4 for a handful of washes, but all’s well and good and machine operates as instructed, not forgetting of course a Bosch comes with a 2 year manufacturers warranty as standard 🙂

Finger’s crossed, I very much doubt it’ll last another 19years but who knows?

Two very pleasant gentlemen from ‘John Lewis’ (upmarket UK store) both delivered and fitted it two weeks ago, and I hadn’t realised washing machines no longer require hot water feeds, no the only two pipes that need connection are the cold water inlet feed and a drain pipe taking the ‘dirty water’ away. They installed the appliance giving me brief operating instructions before leaving and advising I begin with a 4hour 90 degrees wash cycle, that sounds frigging expensive!

90 degrees Celsius for heavens sake! (Does anyone wash at 90 degrees? Discuss)

The accompanying guide manual is a little daunting reading to begin with, phrases like Speed Eco Water, Heavy soiling, Plus/Rinse Plus/Wash and the like, but then again don’t they say Washing machines are designed by men? Select a cycle by turning the control dial and there are ten cycles to choose from cottons delicates etc, each option displays the spin cycle speed, beginning to end time also temperature as a pre-set and I guess you choose your favourite then stick with it for many years to come? Btw I didn’t know this, but the faster the spin the more creases that are put into the garments err wow? I’ll get the hang of it, oh and there are additional settings for short eco washes pre soaks etc but a couple of hours at 40 degrees has suited me fine for this past 20years.

A major improvement compared to my old Bosch machine is the spin cycle is a whole lot quieter than before, and of course if you never overload the drum in weight then you’ll never experience vibration problems applies, yes my Bosch quietly spins itself into a 1400 purring cycle and as I’ve hinted at finger’s crossed no problems yet.

So does anyone actually concern themselves worrying about garment crease levels? Or do you throw in 2 detergent tablets, close the door and wash at 40 degrees for a couple of hours every single time?

A. Shepherdson 2019

 

Upcycling! My Washing Machine firepit (BBQ?)

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I’m hoping this Googled image (above) gives you an idea of what a washing machine DRUM fire pit looks like, yes they can be used as BBQ’s 🙂 (garden incinerators?)

Below you see my very recent homemade video uploaded to my YouTube Channel…………. don’t get tooo excited I receive very few views on the site AND make no money) but hey making videos is much the same as WordPress……….. fun……… why not have a go?

(My apologies for whispering, Sunday morning and I didn’t want my neighbours to think I was going loopy talking to myself!!)

Upcycling – Upcycling, also known as creative reuse, is the process of transforming by-products, waste materials, useless, or unwanted products into new materials or products of better quality or for better environmental value.

So you are maybe aware of my ongoing washing machine saga no? Well to cut a short story even shorter, several weeks ago I had planned to share write a post with accompanying video on how to fix a broken washing machine blah blah blah lol, well it didn’t happen, I fixed the new part but the machine err never worked again!

Who knows what went wrong? Not to worry, my Bosch appliance was 19years old so I wasn’t about to pay £90 call out plus parts, and then it may never work again anyway?

So I decided instead to extract the stainless steel drum from within my washing machine and upcycle/transform into a wood burning fire pit, never heard of them? Well you’ll find tens of videos on YouTube, also they cost £25 on eBay so if you have a broken down machine why not make your very own for zero pounds/dollars……….. anyways my firepit project was a success…….. jeez extracting the drum was hardly rocket science and very easy to do!

Why not have a go yourselves, now you may be wondering how hard can this be? Well I’d guess the skill level is a medium, anyways why not read my following post where I’ll explain ‘how to’ and judge for yourselves, err when I’ve written it that is.

So to wrap up todays upcycling money saving post, my very own How to, Do it yourself, Step by step explanation will appear here sooon…….…..

A. Shepherdson 2019 

Use Vinegar! Costs less and it works

This post isn’t blogging advice per say but its dawned on me over this past 10 months, those people Reading my thoughts March 2018 won’t be the same as today, so if you haven’t already noticed Andrew’s WP is an eclectic jumble of personal anecdotes which I guess is the theme, jeeze I’d get so bored writing about just one topic hence the tag-line ‘Blogging Thoughts Photos and Life’……….. (another way of warning you I’ve written a true tale sharing the first occasion a ‘knicker-less’ lady sat on my face 😛 , though I should add I’ve enjoyed more pleasurable experiences in my lifetime!)

:/ A post I’ll save for another day.

This evening I have a household tip for you which I’d guess many male/lady Readers will already be aware of but hey the magical cleaning effects of Distilled Vinegar still astounds me……. ‘no s*** Sherlock’ these are seriously impressive results!

Several posts previous you may have watched my instructive YouTube Video where I show you How To change bathroom basin taps blah blah blah………… well just be aware I live in an area of the UK plagued by hard water, Oxfordshire, seriously Limescale is deposited into every appliance that heats water as a process of its purpose in life, kettles, washing machines, dishwashers, plumbing joints, Limescale f***s them one and all.

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Basin drain pipe BEFORE being dipped in Vinegar 😦
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Basin drain pipe AFTER being dipped in Vinegar 🙂 ……… I know it’s a frigging miracle!!

The very first time I tried this ‘Life Hack’ (isn’t that the term cool kids say on YouTube sharing easy tips for solving technology problems?) I was amazed, in fact so amazed I’ll show the ‘before and after pics’ side by side!

Hmm :/ I wonder why ‘Johnson and Johnson’ doesn’t share this £0.34 household cleaning tip with customers?

Without wishing to labour my incredulity tooo far, I’m absolutely amazed how a God awful looking Limescale’d component can look spectacular sparkling shiny and brand new after immersion, and better still I didn’t have to spend a fortune buying fancy plastic bottles (future landfill) full of corrosive chemicals that DON’T work ANYWAY? Furthermore Vinegar is completely safe to humans and metals though apparently being a mild acid it can redden human skin, so wear gloves (I didn’t he says wincing when a little entered a cut on my hand) but hey I’ve lived to tell the tale.

Wear rubber gloves!!

I should add my Grandmother pickled many a garden food stuff in Distilled Vinegar so I doubt a little on the hands will kill me, and better still this life hack requires zero elbow grease which if you are lazy like me is fabulous, so what’s not to like about cleaning components using a 34p bottle of Vinegar? What’s more the magical liquid is guaranteed to work (because chipping away with chisels doesn’t!) Btw if you are worried about plastic destroying aquatic environments you can still purchase Distilled Vinegar sold in glass bottles! 

Immerse in Vinegar, wait 10+ minutes then watch the Limescale just fall away, btw please comment if the information I’ve imparted is wrong suspect or hazardous, thank you.

©A. Shepherdson 2019.

My own ‘Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse’…….. a Response!!!

If little else please watch the video at the end, ty.

This post is I suggest a Response to ‘Is Andrew (slightly) Racist’, here I point the finger of blame at 4 British Politicians, my own ‘Four Horsemen Of The Apocalypse’ I hold RESPONSIBLE for our current Brexit mess, sorry Brexit tragic madness 😦 . Lol these last two Rants are why I avoid writing about politics………. how about a little ❤ sex next? Discuss 😀

‘British privately educated politicians! They exude a sneering veneer of authenticity, coupled with enormous privilege that is flaunted rather than hidden.’

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David Cameron, George Osborne, Boris Johnson and Jacob Rees-Mogg

William Shakespeare once wrote ‘All the World is a Stage’, one of those many sayings that stick in the mind and the older I get the more I understand this great writer’s genius observation applies to us all, whether that be at work, or the school you send your children to, yes they are all Stages at your local Theatre the ones we are mere players in. There’ll be gossip and intrigue, heroes and villains not forgetting many a scheming Machiavellian stabbing in the back. Whether workplace, school or politics each one of us is acting out a part, it’s only the Stage and storyline that changes, so yes William Shakespeare’s genius pearl of wisdom never fails to give me pause for thought.

Enough talk of Brexit except hold on, only the other day I suddenly realised four Politicians names time and again reappear over this past three years, little different to reoffending suspects at a crime scene, if a Theatre Stage themed Brexit existed, then these four major player’s names will perform over and over and over again.

Like bad pennies four keep turning except one culprit, PM David Cameron dare not show his face in public, an odious showman, the chief architect of Brexit has disappeared leaving the whole sorry mess for other mortals to try and clean up…………. Cameron is a man President Obama was once over heard calling “a light weight” and I now understand where Obama was coming from……… a wise man indeed.

You may have guessed I dislike David Cameron mainly because he broke the most important rule in politics life namely, 

“You cannot play Politics with People’s jobs and services……..”, to quote the great speech given by Labour leader Neil Kinnock. 

Britain’s sorry tale began when David Cameron promised his Euro sceptic MPs a Referendum both expecting and hoping we the public would vote to Remain in Europe, back in 2016 we had the farcical sight of a Prime Minister campaigning for an issue he didn’t want or believe in yet a policy he set the wheels in motion, crazy madness, jeeze don’t you think that near criminal Leadership?…………. Yes Cameron played politics with peoples lives, he divided a nation who now loath each other, and now I have to live through this sorry mess for the next twenty five years……………… Brexit will be the defining political moment of my generation.

Oh yes returning to those four politicians I now like to call The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse because they have many things in common, each is male white skinned middle aged and Conservative for one, all are privately educated privileged and arrogant, all Graduated from Oxford University, each one is as Right Wing as D. Trump and all four in some way architects of Britain’s Brexit mess. David Cameron and Chancellor Osborne came up with the idea to leave, whilst Boris Johnson the poster boy of the leave campaign and arch Eurosceptic Jacob Rees-Mogg urged us to vote Leave, and yet unbelievably incredibly Rees-Mogg is idealised by the out of work and poor, why?………. So very strange that those who have nothing worship men of wealth power and privilege who have everything.

Reminds me of those privately educated Generals and Field Marshalls who ordered millions of young men to their deaths in World War One, the famous saying ‘Lions led by (privately educated) Donkey’s’ never rings truer especially now.

So here are my ‘Four Horsemen’ pictured below wearing dinner jackets and top hats, faces of arrogant dull unintelligent men lifted from another Century, men in the top echelons of power solely because of the school and university they attended and what’s even worse, there are thousands like them in positions of power across Britain.

Cameron Rees-Mogg Osborne and Johnson went to Eton the same Public School that has provided Great Britain with 29 other Prime Ministers………… quite unbelievable that so many Leaders have come from one School, yet these four criminals have one further major failing, before entering politics none hadn’t worked a regular job in the real world, they’re all career politicians devoid of any talents where wealth affords below average men to play dangerous games with people’s lives.

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The Oxford University photo David Cameron (2) wished had never been taken, white, wealthy, privileged and arrogant young men sitting on the steps of The Bullingdon Club, ONLY made worse by the fact David Cameron was my Member for Parliament.
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Again Oxford University’s ‘Bullingdon Club’ except a different year. The privately educated old Etonian far left is George Osborne………….. Chancellor and chief architect of Brexit……. and what’s with the Bullingdon Club’ photos? They’re ALL looking in different directions?
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British Conservative politician Jacob Rees-Mogg MP, and God Help Us possibly a future Prime Minister!

Yet will David Cameron have the last laugh? Will migrants stop coming to Britain? Will European Laws no longer apply? Btw I’m not holding my breath on either of those last two!!! Hmm :/ are some decisions in life too important to allow uneducated people to vote upon?’ (And that includes me).

…………………… and finally if you’re curious as to seeing the best bit from ‘That Speech’, well I found it on YouTube and now regarded as ‘one’ of the most famous political Speeches of the last Century. Yes.

Please feel free to disagree with any of my ‘now not so private’ views.

©A. Shepherdson 2018

‘Gemma’s wet kitty’ (NSFW)

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Mild adult themes with the absence of imagery or bad language, perhaps a tale more humorous than err sexy erotica? Oh and I’ll leave you to decide if Gemma is a real living woman or perhaps a lady conjured from my risqué imagination…….. and AS always 100% my own tale!

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Fellatio! As you are perhaps aware if you follow my rather eclectically themed blog I’m a lover of savouring delicious words, during my tedious no tortuously boring commute to work I idly gaze out of my usual window seat, looking at the exact same scenery pass by tooo slow to be a blur too fast to appreciate and enjoy, a moving landscape to nudge me into a daydream about sex so I’ll look around the familiar faces, some listening to music on their mp3’s other’s reading and me idly wondering if the blonde lady with a fringe that nearly covers her eyes, is good at oral? ‘Wow that hairstyle suits her, she can hardly see but it’s so ’60’s’ and looks so sexy on a lady……… not forgetting a summer cleavage that near takes my breath-away!’

Gorgeous fellatio for some reason has been on my mind lately hmm perhaps because I haven’t had my dick sucked in a while and I’m feeling rather horny, I miss the various women I’ve been to bed with also their personalised techniques, and yes ladies lick and suck differently, of course they do! With one hand they curl their fingers around my floppy arousal so as to take a tight grip, give it a couple of up and down movements to harden 😉 , lower their open mouth over the purple bell and suck like a lollipop but here’s a thing women ALWAYS close their eyes?

I asked a lady called Gemma (not her name) why she always did this, close her eyes? She paused, thought for a second and with the hint of a giggle (because sex for some reason is so darn hilarious to adults) she said,

“Because I’m concentrating”, another pause “and I know you’ll ####ing come at some point!”

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And yes reminiscing for a second I can imagine tongue gymnastics may test a lady’s powers of concentration, but if we’re talking me giving cunnilingus then I couldn’t be happier feasting between a lady’s parted thighs, kneeling at the end of the bed, her body pulled in close to me, my hands caressing stroking the outside of her thighs and gently gripping her hips then waist. If the room is dark with only her bedside table lamp throwing a golden sheen across her naked body, the eroticism for me is heightened as I kiss her intimacy, the tip of my wet tongue dancing between the folds of her rosy ripened labia, all the while my eyeline is drawn the whole length of her body, past the mounds of her fulsome breasts now slightly overhanging and resting to the sides of her chest. The ambience making the areola appear puffy against her golden suntanned like skin, nipples rock hard and pointy.

So do we wish need to read and learn my honest opinions as to the scent of a ladies kitty? Now you readers may be angry annoyed at what this writer’s about to say? Not to worry, I dislike the smells of shop perfumes they’re tooo sweet for my noses delicate nerve endings, no I’ll take the natural animal scent of a lady’s freshly bathed skin every time……… absent of perfumed soap of course!!! 

But my wonderment doesn’t end there, oh no as I lick and suck, my mind concentrated on trying to locate where I assume that mythical ‘g’ spot is? 😀 The horn of her clitoris, still to this day at the age of fifty I have no real idea if I’ve TRUELY touched her ‘g’ spot? Yes I’ll stop and stare for a second at a lady’s vulva in wonderment, darting eyes searching for this magical clit that’s supposed to engorge purple with blood, but I cannot medically inspect for tooo long because she gets annoyed and fidgety until the time I plucked up the courage to ask,

“Gemma tell me honestly do you enjoy your kitty being licked?”  

“Honey if I’m not enjoying myself I’d ####ing tell you!” Came her reply.

And yes she swears like a sailor, that taboo words are spoken from such a pretty mouth I find both shocking and hilarious possibly because her diction is crystal clear, as posh as the Duchess of Cambridge she is!

‘Thank you’ smiling and thinking to myself, ‘She’s contented and happy so who can ask for more?’

However unlike Gemma I am never ever bored giving a lady oral sex, I’m enjoying myself too much for that and I can feel my unrestrained hardness bucking as it gets evermore excited, beads of crystal clear precum dripping onto the carpet, a healthy function of the reproductive equipment so we are now told, doctors say flushing the prostate gland of precum may help a prostate’s health, even propensity to prostate cancer as the internet says, so it’s either true, wishful thinking or fake news…………. the story of modern day internet addicted society.

Where was I? Oh yes kneeling before a beautiful naked Gemma laying on her back stretched out before me, thighs wide apart her kitty hoping receptive and ready, a vision of sexual loveliness glistening beneath orange lamp-light. And yes her round mounds of breasts are gorgeous and a feast for my eyes, they’re even close enough to reach up and squeeze if I stretch, but doing that’s not so good on the old back these days so I’m resigned and content enough to watch her chest rise and fall as sexual excitement envelopes her body.

I’ve never experienced a woman writhing and screaming in exquisite passion filled pleasure, so am I doing something wrong I ponder? Perhaps I’m not licking fast enough, perhaps the sucking is why my tongue goes numb, no my cunnilingus technique is more sedate and gentle but her body does respond to my touch, each time my tongue slides dances over that erotic spot of hers, blessed with thousands of nerve endings making her pelvis twitch.

And time to time if she’s breathing deeply, if the touch of my wet tongue glides over her sacred organ, she’ll catch her breath and I know I’ve hit something? But there’s a distinct absence of moaning and definitely zero screaming for heaven’s sake, the golden skin of her body shimmering with moisture drawn to the surface, her chest rising and falling, locks of long blonde hair (err bottled blonde) haven fallen to the pillow, her forearm drawn across her face shielding her eyes, then all of a sudden Gemma can be heard in soft shallow quiet tones repeating over and over again,

“Oh yes……(insert 3 seconds)……. oh yes…………….. oh yes……….….. oh yes………….”

Pausing as a pink wet tongue appears through parted lips, only to be circled and licked back into her mouth before she returns to her metronomic soft encouragement,

“…..oh yes……..…….. oh yes……..….. oh yes…………….. don’t stop………….. oh yes……..…”

And so this highly unusual conversation continues for ten minutes, Andrew nuzzled between her thighs lapping at a stream of salty nectar, Gemma quite contented if less than orgasmic, so a question for all you experts reading, why does the surface of my tongue go numb?

Ok lol she doesn’t appear wildly excited but she’s an enthralling visual sexy performance all the same, she tells me she can be bored with her mouth full whereas I’ve never felt so alive excited, and yes riveted to her every word breath and move as I taste and lick……………… ‘hmm’ I muse, ‘who is enjoying this cunnilingus more?’ 

©A. Shepherdson 2019 

2019, WordPress and broken washing machines

Basically the lady’s pose below is all my Bosch washing machine could be useful for, BTW what an earth are they doing? Don’t answer!

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This might make a few of you laugh, I took the front of my washing machine off, fitted the new seal correctly which looks fantastic, refitted the front panel, pressed the ‘start button’ and sweet FA happens!!!! Tell a lie, I can hear an electrical buzzing sound emanating from the motor………….. now I’m not an electrician, but I’m wondering has pulling a 19 year old washing machine out from under the kitchen unit knocked a contact out or whatever?

To be completely serious I’m feeling pretty deflated, I didn’t damage any components putting it together, but as anyone will tell you electrical conundrums are the worst kind of problem.

Now to a question that’s been playing upon my mind, shall I’ll write for WordPress in 2019 or not? (But don’t get me wrong I’ve enjoyed 2018.) My only certainty as regards 2019 is frigging (I was going to swear) I know for sure all problems BREXIT will be on my mind every single hour of the day, this political mess near drains all life blood and energy out of me not forgetting a will to actually live if I’m being honest.

How do you remain positive when the world around you is crumbling to dust?

AS Graham Norton recently said “everyone now knows BREXIT was a bad idea”, I’ll go further and say half the Country are angry we haven’t left yet, the other half are angry because they never wished to leave in the first place, worse still economically I think Britain will be ruined. So yes the Sun will rise next morning, life will go on but BREXIT is a mess, and worse even still we have unintelligent averagely intelligent human beings (Politicians) totally incapable of solving the unsolvable, how many worst case scenarios are there before one gives up? 😦 .

So I ask you, I voted in a democratic Referendum and lost, shit happens, so do I abide by the will majority of the people who voted to leave? OR do I take to the Streets and demonstrate, throw rocks, burn cars and riot all in the name of injustice or against unfair legislation that I perceive as injustice? Or do I watch TV and do nothing? One thing’s for sure though, come next March we’ll get a bad deal BREXIT i.e. Europe will punishes us and people WILL die in Hospitals (the latter is a consequence….. Possibly.) But hold on, history teaches us good things are born from revolution, so perhaps I should throw a few ‘Cocktails?

Catch-22: a paradox in which the attempt to escape makes escape impossible.

So today begins a Virgin New Year, a new dawning for all you bloggers, so what of my WordPress in 2019? BREXIT will be the defining moment of my Generation so I really should write about food shortages and ‘ferry ship’ space currently being booked for the supply of medical drugs, or that military leave is being cancelled for March because of a fear of civil unrest. I should write about riots and Hospital mayhem shouldn’t I, the trouble is I don’t really wish to, writing Blogs about day-trips, cookery, early evening thoughts are MORE fun but does seem a little pointless aside this political mayhem, hmm a blogging Catch-22 to me or perhaps I’m muddling my paradoxes.

Anyways I could bore you all with more tales of BREXIT so I won’t and instead wish you all a very Happy New Year and I really DO mean that ❤ …………. Andrew is always honest.

Now I’ve got go on-line and buy a new washing machine!

A. Shepherdson 2019