Do you Spit or Swallow? (Joys of cream in cake?)


PortraitofprettygirleatingcakeNataliaUzkovaNow there’s a dilemma if ever I penned one, perhaps my phrase is a riddle, or a ‘loaded’ question but I bet you’ve often wondered which way you’d answer. Perhaps a puzzle that crosses your mind when say sitting on a bus admiring a rather good looking male co commuter?

( 😉 Btw you might read my tale as a ‘baking a cake’ analogy, and if you don’t then naughty you, either way my post is written just for fun.)

Where was I? Oh yes admiring cute male co commuters, asking yourself that rather loaded question, yet I’d guess ‘come the time’ making your choice isn’t such a mystery, perhaps the choosing is as simple as childhood upbringing? By that I mean whether you were brought up by your dear and loving mother to be a good girl (but remember mums have a wicked side.)

Either way at the point of adding a drizzle of cream to your Victoria sponge cake, only when the cream’s poured, only at the point of taste do you know which choice you will make AND if attempting the recipe was such a great idea after all!

My apologies if you think my post is laced with lame analogies and ludicrous mixed metaphors, but yesterday evening a young lady and I had been cooking together and FOR THE LIFE of me lol I’ve been wondering 😀 how to write my fun true tale.

So baking a cake it is, and btw I’m referring to a very specific type of delicacy ‘consummately eaten’ between two curious adults, and be quite aware we’re talking a lady and myself cooking in the privacy of her own home. Incidentally I bet you eat food whilst lying on the bed watching Netflix on a 40″ inch flat screen telly together…………….and drinking a bottle or two of white wine, a sensible alcohol that fuzzes the mind, gives you the nerve to try things for the first time?

No? Lol you should!

Well yesterday I had the intimate pleasure of watching a lady’s expression at the moment of deciding whether to swallow or not. I say watch she had her mouth full of food at the time and yes she had a slightly panicked worried expression written across her face. Before all is revealed let me say the dilemma was hers alone, and the choice hers to make……………neither of us new how this fun cookery lesson was going to end!

I’m calling ‘it’ cookery because this is the internet,so play along and humour me.

Hopefully you’ll have worked out by now I’m a guy and the analogy is say…….. stirring a cake mixture (oral sex?) Btw when you were a child do you remember children using the phrase ‘cake hole’? Such an unusual phrase, well hers was full and moist and for the first ever time ever, she was about to eat a cake made with cream………… here’s a thing, did she like the taste? Did she spit or swallow?

That’s my lady friend, so now what of me!

My whole life I wondered what ‘drizzling cream’ over moistened taste buds emotionally feels like, at ‘that’ point of release would I feel as excited and joyful as I hoped I would? Well yesterday evening I did, she tasted, and if you’re at all curious the point of ‘err’ release was as thrilling and pleasurable as I dreamed it to be.

Creaming cake mixture was fun.

Apologies if I sound a little obtuse, and if my tale analogy still has you a little confused, just know my lady friend answered a question I’d longed to ask, and if you to are curious, ‘it’ tastes a culinary creamy combination of slightly salty and apple sour!

Strange flavours in a cake don’t you think?

I’m still none the wiser as to what cream tastes like in cakes, I guess one of life’s unanswered questions and yet another reason NOT to date a smoker! So I never tasted but it was hilariously funny to discuss afterwards, being our first time and all.

Well seconds after my doe-eyed young lady allowed ‘it’ to err to ‘explode’ in her mouth 😮 my female friend decided to visit the bathroom and spit down the sink! Hmm so she wasn’t too impressed, and reading the slightly shocked panicked expression in her eyes, she gave that one away (before she closed them!) But for me the experience was exquisite and everything I’d ever hoped and dreamed it would be.

AND incidentally we are good friends!

To use a word much over used by millennials, my experience had been ‘awesome’ and remember trying a cream filled sponge cake was a consensual choice made by two consenting adults. Ok perhaps I’ve given the game away (a little), but these days you have to be quite clear we both decided, and to those who are baffled by my tale, hopefully they’re long gone!

We’re still talking cakes!

As passions rose (women’s magazines liken eating cake to sex) I gazed at her pretty face, her eye’s a picture of concentration, her open glossy red lips a picture of a woman with her mouth full. My breath quickening I watching her expression as I err released the cream? A joyous experience I will never forget, a riddle solved, knowing that she tasted uncooked cream in the back of her throat, was err orgasmic!

Didn’t Mary Berry once describe tasting a cream cake as orgasmic? Or was that one of HER MANY innuendos!

So with my life dream consummated, she returned from haven spitted and we talked and laughed together both sitting on her bed. She drank a sharp white wine to wash the taste from her mouth while we both joked about this evening’s making cakes!

So what did my lady friend think?

I’m here to tell you, afterwards I’d agree the enjoyment is disproportionate, the giver feeling satisfied and a whole male human being. However my lady receiver was a little in two minds, shock being the main one, but she’d always wanted to try at least once in her life. ‘It’ wasn’t possibly the most orgasmic of experiences for her, yet tasting cream was definitely on her wish list. Put it this way, she’d ALWAYS wondered what all the fuss was about and now she knows

“I’ll never swallow but I’d do it again!”, my lady friend says.

😀 Please do feel free to comment below. TY

(P.S. My sincere apologies if my cake baking analogy became irritating and tiresome by the finish, and hopefully my tale has left some readers a little confused, and if you are bemused then I’m a twice happy guy this fine mid-March evening!)

A. Shepherdson 2018.






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